Author Topic: What were they thinking?.....Dumb criminals.......add your dumb criminal story  (Read 89355 times)

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Clumsy ninja leaves bank empty-handed

This is not the stealth you'd expect from a bank-robbing ninja.

A Saskatchewan credit union released a video of a suspect dressed all in black and carrying a curved sword who smashed his way in on April 13.

The video, from the Synergy Credit Union in Lashburn, Sask., about 35 km southeast of Lloydminster, shows the suspect poking at a banking machine with the sword, unsuccessfully, before smashing his way through a glass door and into the closed credit union.

The suspect is seen skulking around and jumping over the counters until he leaves empty-handed.

Then the wannabe robber/ninja smashes his way through another door and leaves the building moments later.

RCMP said the suspect cut himself on one of the glass doors he smashed, even though the door was actually unlocked.
 

 :rofl:
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Offline S.M.A.

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Quote
Canadian Press link

By Tim Korte, The Associated Press

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - A Delta Air Lines flight from Los Angeles to Florida was diverted to New Mexico early Friday after a passenger sprayed the first-class cabin with a water bottle, tried to open a cabin door and threatened to blow up the aircraft.

Crew members and passengers on Delta flight 2148 to Tampa subdued Stanley Dwayne Sheffield, 46. He was taken into federal custody after the plane landed at early Friday.


FBI Supervisory Special Agent Darrin Jones said authorities do not believe the incident was related to terrorism.


Sheffield, whose hometown in Florida was not disclosed by investigators, was charged with interference with flight crew members and destruction of aircraft.


Sheffield made an initial appearance Friday before U.S. Magistrate Richard Puglisi, who scheduled preliminary and detention hearings for Monday. Assistant U.S. Attorney Chuck Barth said Sheffield remained jailed in Albuquerque.


According to a criminal complaint, the incident began 90 minutes after takeoff when a flight attendant noticed Sheffield, seated in first class, was awake and asked if he could bring anything.


Sheffield did not respond.


The flight attendant asked again 15 minutes later, again with no response.


Sheffield then went to a lavatory and, while returning, grabbed a 2-litre water bottle from a drink cart and sprayed other passengers.


"Get behind me, Satan," Sheffield told the flight attendant.


When flight attendants asked Sheffield to return to his seat, he refused, then tried to open the aircraft's main door while making threats about blowing up the airplane.


"I am going to bring this plane down," Sheffield said. The complaint said he also shouted: "You need to land this plane or I'm going to blow it up" and, "I will blow up this plane and take you all with me." He then approached the cockpit door, again shouting, "Get behind me, Satan."


Several passengers struggled with Sheffield and tied him up with seat belt extenders and nylon hand restraints.


A passenger told investigators Sheffield broke one of the restraints and a leather belt before he was subdued.


The pilot decided to land in Albuquerque, where Sheffield was taken into custody. The flight to Tampa resumed at 4 a.m.


Susan Elliott, a spokeswoman at Delta's headquarters in Atlanta, said the aircraft, an Airbus A320, and its 100 passengers and seven crew members were never in jeopardy.


"It is impossible to open a cabin door during flight because of the pressurization of the aircraft," she said.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2010, 17:04:14 by CougarDaddy »
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Article Link

The tables have turned on one Ontario man who, after calling police to report a theft, was charged himself with stealing.

Police in Peterborough, Ont., say a 22-year-old man called them Saturday to report the theft of $1,000 in tools from his storage locker.

It turned out that there were outstanding warrants for his arrest on shoplifting-related theft charges.

 ::)
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Offline kratz

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I agree with the suggestion this news report reads like a bad movie plot.   :nod:

from theguardian.ca

Quote
Road trip to see erotic dancers ends in armed robbery, arson spree 
The Guardian


Two Kings County men charged with a series of crimes in New Brunswick that include attempted robbery, arson and obstruction of justice committed their crimes in part to finance a road trip to see some exotic dancers.

Details of the mini crime spree, which reads like a bad movie script, came out Monday during bail hearings in provincial court in Moncton for William Sturgess, age 27, of Montague, and Jonathan Compton, age 27, of Peters Road.

Information obtained through the Times & Transcript in Moncton indicated Sturgess and Compton had been drinking and smoking marijuana the day the offences were committed.

They began their crime spree by breaking into a number of cottages in the Montague area.

While there they stole a Honda Accord to transport them to Dieppe where they hoped to see exotic dancers strut their stuff at Angie's Show Palace.

Realizing they would have no money to spend at the strip club when they got there they decided to rob Read's Corner Esso in Summerside.

South East RCMP Const. Andy Paynter said the two men who robbed the store had their faces masked and claimed to be carrying a gun.

They took cash, cigarettes and chocolate bars for the road trip.

Upon arrival in New Brunswick they got lost, and never did find the exotic dance club.

What they did find was trouble.

The trouble began in Aulac where they robbed the Irving Big Stop.

One of the accused waited in the car while the other man entered the store and asked for directions to Moncton.

He was wearing brown coveralls and a hooded sweater with a skeleton design on it.

He left the store only to return moments later wearing the same clothes, only with the hood pulled up to hide his face.

He pushed the clerk around and informed him he had a gun.

But the robbery was foiled when a trucker entered the store.

With nothing to show for his efforts the would-be robber fled the store, jumped into the waiting Honda Accord and took off.

A witness saw him getting into the car.

They headed for Moncton but got lost again.

Heading down the Aulac Road they crashed the car into a guardrail, turned around and backtracked.

Not long afterwards the car broke down.

They decided to push the car into a ditch and set it on fire.

Police were responding to the robbery when they were tipped off to the burning car.

Discovering that the burning vehicle matched the description of the vehicle from the robbery they arrested Sturgess and Compton as they walked away from the scene.

Paynter said surveillance video in Aulac and Summerside showed the clothes worn by the robbers matched the clothing worn by the suspects when they were arrested.

At the conclusion of their bail hearing Judge Irwin Lampert remanded both accused until their matters are dealt with by the courts.

Neither Burgess nor Compton were represented by counsel at their bail hearing.

Lampert asked both men if they wanted publication bans placed on their hearings. Sturgess asked for the ban but Compton waived his right to a ban.

Compton stood in the prisoners box during the hearing and admitted everything that occurred that night.

He said he was ready to face the consequences.

Compton said he has a lawyer in P.E.I. and wants him present before he pleads to the charges.

The duo will be back in court in Moncton May 17th.
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Upon arrival in New Brunswick they got lost, and never did find the exotic dance club.

Quote
They headed for Moncton but got lost again.

Maybe they should have stole a GPS.   ::)
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
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Offline Old Sweat

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Maybe they should have stole a GPS.   ::)

You have to be able to spell it first.  ;D

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You have to be able to spell it first.  ;D

Quick, what's the number for 9-1-1?   ;)
"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving".
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Milkshake links man to break-ins

A refreshing chocolately drink cost a safe-cracking Kingston thief four years behind bars.

Joseph Watson was nabbed because of meticulous forensic work by investigators, some high-tech sleuthing and his own carelessness.

Watson, 51, who had already amassed more than 60 convictions for break-ins, left damning evidence behind when he broke into a west-end Kingston business.

While on the lam, Watson broke into the office of vending machine supplier Aramark Refreshment Services.

He used a welding torch to cut open a safe but apparently it was hot work.

The sweaty thief grabbed a Rolo drink, a chocolate milkshake in a bottle, before he finished his safe busting labour and fled.

He left the empty Rolo bottle behind, along with empty water bottles that he had used to douse the hot metal as he cut the safe open. Crime scene investigators scooped up the bottles, hoping they would yield a clue to the culprit's identity.

To their delight, Watson's saliva was on the Rolo bottle and that saliva made its way into a national crime scene databank where it was matched to a sample previously collected from Watson, on one of his frequent trips before a judge.

More at link

 ::)

Don't these people watch CSI?   ;D
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Offline Yrys

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Don't these people watch CSI?   ;D

Maybe he wanted to have a fresh summer, inside ;) ?
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Article Link

Reproduced with the usual caveats.

Quote
Police say a suspect in a Colorado home invasion had the evidence written all over his face.

A tattoo on the upper lip of 20-year-old Anthony Brandon Gonzales led to his arrest last week in the home invasion of an Elvis impersonator in Pueblo County.

A witness told police that one of the invaders had "East Side" tattooed on his upper lip. Gonzales also has a "13" tattooed on his chin in the shape of a goatee. According to an affidavit, the tattoos were visible even though Gonzales was wearing a mask.

Gonzales was already in jail on a separate drug charge. Police have now charged him with the April burglary, too. Sgt. Eric Bravo said his distinctive tattoo led to the charge, saying, "it's hard to miss him."

 ::)
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Online kkwd

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What can you say?

Article link

Quote
Teens Alert Trooper To Partially Nude Man
Man Naked From Waist Down, Carrying Vaseline

NEW CASTLE, Ind. -- A man who police said was running through a neighborhood naked from the waist down was arrested early Saturday morning after a group of teens awakened an off-duty Indiana State Police trooper.

Senior Trooper Todd Wallace said the teens came to his home at 12:20 a.m. to alert him to the man, who they said was running up and down a street.

"As Wallace approached and identified himself, the man took off running down the middle of the residential street," said ISP Sgt. John Bowling. "He was naked from the waist down and was carrying a towel and a jar of Vaseline."

The man was arrested shortly after Wallace began chasing him on foot.

New Castle police arrived and arrested Kelly Malkemus, 44, of New Castle, on charges of public indecency and resisting law enforcement, both misdemeanors.

Police aren't sure why the man was wearing only a fleece vest.

"There have been reports recently of a peeping tom in the neighborhood," Wallace said, but police aren't sure if this incident is related.
Yes, yes I am. Whatever you think of me is in fact correct. If someone calls you stupid is it just as valid for you to call them an idiot? Yes, yes it is.

Online kkwd

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This guy is a genuine idiot. The video embedded with the article has the full story.

Article Link

Quote
Police: He shot the wrong house

Updated: Monday, 31 May 2010, 11:13 PM EDT
Published : Monday, 31 May 2010, 11:12 PM EDT

By: Brad Edwards

INDIANAPOLIS (WISH) - Bullets blistered the porch, the sofa and a woman’s leg in Indianapolis as spurned Ex looking for revenge opened fire on two people, but not the people he was gunning for.

Police say the suspect went out looking for his ex-girlfriend’s family; he though he shot his ex’s mother and another person. Then, they say, he called to taunt his Ex. That’s when, police say, he learned he shot the wrong people.
Yes, yes I am. Whatever you think of me is in fact correct. If someone calls you stupid is it just as valid for you to call them an idiot? Yes, yes it is.

Online kkwd

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Do you think they would do this over again if given the chance? Probably, you can't fix stupid.

Article Link

Quote
Police chase ends when car runs out of gas

Updated: Thursday, 10 Jun 2010, 8:44 AM EDT
Published : Thursday, 10 Jun 2010, 8:44 AM EDT

INDIANAPOLIS (WISH) - Indianapolis Metro Police say a police chase ended safely only because the driver trying to get away, ran out of gas.
Just before midnight police say an officer was driving near Keystone Avenue and noticed a man and a woman fighting outside of a car.
When the officer stopped to break up the fight police say the two jumped in the car and took off on I-465.
The car eventually stopped on I-465 near U.S. 31 on the city's south side.
Officers say the car was stolen and that they also found drugs when they arrested the man behind the wheel.
Yes, yes I am. Whatever you think of me is in fact correct. If someone calls you stupid is it just as valid for you to call them an idiot? Yes, yes it is.

Offline gcclarke

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Hey, when you steal a car, you don't necessarily get to pick one with a full tank. Although I can't say I've ran into that problem in Grand Theft Auto.... hmmm, I should e-mail Rockstar about this.
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.  Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
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Offline love_my_soldier

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I work at the police detention center in my city and not much surprises me anymore until this one came in. Charged with attempted murder.He cut off his nabours dogs head and put it in the microwave then went back to his nabours house and tried to kill her. Needless to say they sent him for a 30 day phys Evaluation .

Offline Luke O

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I got a personal dumb criminal story.

I work at a small electronics/computer repair and retail store.  We had a couple of break in's over the past couple of years, which we believe were related.   The first time a laptop was stolen.

The second part is funny.  We had replaced the door with the extra strong glass (which I can't think of the proper name for right now).  And this guy, most definitly high on drugs, came up to our door, and attempted to smash it, with a mailbox that he had already stolen from some other location.  This guy probably worked on smashing our door for a good 10 to 15 minutes, with his old trusty mailbox.

Note to all:  Mailboxes do not make good tools to break into somewhere.

Online kkwd

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Let's see if he can get himself out of this.

Article link

Quote
Attorney Charged With Taking Sex As Payment
Police: Lawyer Showed Boyfriend Video Of Encounters

POSTED: 9:44 am EDT June 16, 2010
UPDATED: 11:19 am EDT June 16, 2010

PRINCETON, Ind. -- A southwestern Indiana attorney running for prosecutor has been indicted on charges that he had sex with a female client for her to pay off a $550 debt for legal work in a civil case.
Authorities said an Indiana State Police investigation of William Wallace, 57, of Princeton, began when the woman reported that Wallace had shown her boyfriend a video of their sexual encounters.
Special Prosecutor Jonathan Parkhurst said the woman told investigators she never gave permission for videotaping.
Detectives reported finding the videos and child pornography at Wallace's home.
Wallace was arrested and released on bond Tuesday from the Gibson County Jail. Phone calls to his law office Wednesday went to a full voicemail box.
A special prosecutor was named because Wallace is the Democratic candidate for Gibson County prosecutor.
Yes, yes I am. Whatever you think of me is in fact correct. If someone calls you stupid is it just as valid for you to call them an idiot? Yes, yes it is.

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So I wonder what he was going for by showing it to her boyfriend?  More money?

Although, with the discovery of child pornography, I think his taking sex for payment is the least of his worries.   ::)
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Offline CorporalMajor

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Not dumb, just unlucky....
« Reply #43 on: July 08, 2010, 14:14:35 »






http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1196479/Pictured-The-battered-bruised-face-burglar-got-wrong-72-year-old-boxer.html

Pictured: The battered and bruised face of a burglar who got on the wrong side of a 72-year-old former boxer
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
Last updated at 10:40 PM on 30th June 2009

 

He's still smiling.....

A knife-wielding burglar had a shock when he attacked a pensioner in his home - and discovered his victim was a retired boxer.

Senior citizen Frank Corti, 72, a former junior boxing champion is still a bit handy with his dukes.

And when he spotted the aforementioned intruder, Gregory McCalium, in his hallway he sprang into action and delivered two right hooks.

The blows were so powerful that McCalium, who had just lunged at Mr Corti with the knife, was left looking like he had been in 'a car accident'.

The pensioner then restrained him until police arrived. He was jailed for four and a half years yesterday after a judge told him he had 'got what he deserved'.

After sentencing, Mr Corti said: 'I was scared when he first drew the knife but most people would have acted in the same way. If you can't defend what's yours, where are we at?'

Oxford Crown Court heard the break-in was the culmination of a long-running dispute over noise between the neighbours, who live in Botley, Oxford.

McCalium, a barman, was having a rowdy party at his house on August 18 last year when police turned up after a complaint from a neighbour.
McCalium assumed it had been made by Mr Corti - who won the National Association of Boys' Clubs Championship in Birmingham when he was 16 - and broke into his neighbour's home at 8am the following day.

Mr Corti, who was with his wife Margaret at the time, dodged out of the way of his attacker's lunge and punched him, giving him a black eye and a split lip, before subduing him.

McCalium was found guilty of aggravated burglary at a trial in March, during which he had claimed he could not remember the incident.
John Simmons, defending, said Mr Corti, who served with the Royal Engineers in North Africa from 1956-58, had received minor injuries during the confrontation.

He added: ' Photographs of the defendant showed what looked like a car accident and photos of the scene looked more like a murder scene.'

Recorder Angela Morris said: 'Luckily, Mr Corti was an able-bodied 72-year-old who was able to defend himself.
'The jury might well have concluded you got what you deserved when you entered that property and took a swipe at him with that weapon.

'The elderly and vulnerable people are entitled to demand the protection of courts from people like you who decide to take matters into your own hands and enter a property with a weapon.'

Mr Corti, a retired car worker, added: 'If needed to, I would do it again.'

During sentencing at Oxford Crown Court, Brian Payne, prosecuting, said: 'There was a struggle and it was clear Mr McCalium was intoxicated because his reactions were slow.

'It seems Mr McCalium ended up with far more serious injuries.'


After the sentencing, Detective Constable Jon Shaw said: 'Fortunately no-one was more injured in this incident but this was still a terrifying situation and McCalium must now pay for his actions.

'I hope that the victim, and his wife, might now be able to put this ordeal behind them and get on with their lives.'

During the trial, Mr Corti described how he had been woken during the night by noise from next door for several months before the incident.


He told the court: 'They would slam the doors, then they would start partying. You could hear shouting, screaming and music.'

Mr Corti said he called police when he found McCalium banging on the front door of his house at about 6.30am.

Two hours later, he said, he came downstairs and saw bar worker McCalium in his hallway.

Mr Corti said: 'The accused produced a knife. It was no ordinary knife, it was more like a six-bladed knuckle duster.

'He made a slashing movement at me. I stepped back. He missed me, fortunately.'

Mr Corti said that while McCalium was off balance, he grabbed both of his wrists and managed to pin his arms against the wall.

He added he asked McCalium to drop the knife but he wouldn?t.

Mr Corti said: 'I shouted to my wife to ring the police.

'I was absolutely petrified.

'As I saw it, it was a matter of do or die so I let his wrists go. Fortunately the element of surprise was with me, so I adjusted my position and hit him with my right hand. It was just below the eye.

'I did not knock him out, but he was stunned. I heard the knife drop. We grappled. I was trying to drag him out of the back door. We both fell to the floor. I had to subdue him by punching him, which I did not take a great deal of pleasure in.?

The jury heard he then lay on top of McCalium until the police arrived.

 



Talk about getting your *** handed to you.....
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process He does not become a monster.
And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

Offline kratz

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This is making me shake my head.

link

Quote
50c robbery cracks up bank staff
By NICOLA BRENNAN - Waikato Times
Last updated 12:30 27/07/2010

Hamilton bank staff were left laughing after a bare-chested man demanded 50 cents from them, before crouching down then running away yesterday.

TSB manager Sandra Makein told the Waikato Times it was definitely one of the more unusual attempted robberies she had heard of.

"If you can call it a robbery," she said.

Police said the man, in his early 20s, entered the Victoria St bank with a bandana over his lower face and demanded $10.

When the teller said she didn't have any money he asked for 50c before crouching into the starting race position and running out of the bank.

A passing policeman gave chase and the man was caught in Ward St.

He was later assessed by medical and mental health staff.

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Offline riggermade

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I heard of two today:

First was a guy tried to rob a Starbucks and didn't realize there was two cops waiting for their coffee and the Starbucks was across the street from the station

Next was a women who shoplifted at a store...the next day she handed in a resume wearing the clothes she stole then proceeded to lift some more...police tracked her down from her resume
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Offline Container

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Here's two:

I had a kid break into a store and steal the safe. He dragged it outside and put it on a sled. He then dragged the sled to his house. I show and follow the sled tracks all the way to the house where he and a friend are trying to carry the safe up the stairs.

Another kid breaks into a house and steals beer. Also stolen? A flower pattern suitcase to facilitate moving the beer. On that suitcase? A nametag for the owner. Found the kid dragging a flower covered suitcase down the street full of beer with someone else's name on it. Kid doesn't read very good- suitcase is filled with Muggs Rootbeer.
Posted again...thats six in six.

Offline Pegcity

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I had my blackberry stolen from my car 2 weeks ago, i called into Telus and had them put it on hold so it could not be reactivated. I had come to the conclusion i was not getting it back so i  was going to buy a used one from a man off Kijiji. Ten minutes later I get an email from this guy asking me if i could phone into telus and deactivate the phone he had just purchased. I then proceeded to tell the person that he had my stolen phone and i had his name and phone number. I made him take it to the police station and picked it up the next day. So happily i got my blackberry back.

Only the dead have seen the end of war - Plato

Offline kratz

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Faking a disease for profit and free vacations. How do you expect not to get caught?

Quote
Woman faked cancer to raise money
Published On Fri Aug 6 2010
Brendan Kennedy, Staff Reporter

They all thought she was dying of cancer — and they all handed her cash.

Ashley Anne Kirilow, a 23-year-old Burlington native, admits she faked cancer, ran a bogus charity and collected thousands of dollars from hundreds of people.

She shaved her head and eyebrows, plucked her eyelashes and starved herself to look like a chemotherapy patient. She told anyone she met she had been disowned by drug-addicted parents, or that they were dead.

Both parents are alive and well, each in separate marriages with three young children. They both say they did all they could to support their troubled child.

“What I did was wrong,” Ashley said Thursday night. “I was trying to be noticed. I was trying to get my family back together. I didn’t want to feel like I’m nothing anymore. It went wrong, it spread like crazy, and then it seemed like the whole world knew.”

Over the last year, Ashley endeared herself to the all-ages music and skateboard scenes across the GTA and befriended groups of idealistic and energetic teenagers looking for an outlet for their optimism.

They embraced Ashley’s simple cause — pocket change for cancer research — and were inspired by her heartbreaking story. Teams of volunteers organized benefit concerts in her honour, designed T-shirts and made online tribute videos.

“I thought she was an angel,” said Nikki Jumper, 19. “I wanted to be a friend for her because she didn’t seem to have anyone.”

All donations were made in cash and given directly to Ashley in rolls of coins and stuffed envelopes. Nobody asked for a receipt.

The charity was never registered and consisted of little more than a Facebook page.

Over the course of a year, Ashley convinced local businesses and small-scale music promoters to join the cause. She persuaded a legitimate Toronto-based cancer-awareness organization — led by Newmarket skateboarding heartthrob, Rob Dyer — to fly her to Disney World.

More at LINK

Facebook charity page she started - "Change" for a Cure.

MySpace photos of her free vacation to Disneyland.
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BANG BANG - Or - How I fared when I brought a wrench to a gunfight. A story with a happy ending.

Article link

Quote
Homeowner: Attacker Left With No Money, 2 Shells
Man Fends Off Attack, Shoots Would-Be Robber

INDIANAPOLIS -- A man who police said was attacked in his own home by another man he had asked to price some repairs bit off more than he could chew when he encountered James Neligh, 59.

Neligh survived the fight of his life Sunday evening, fending off an attack from Jeremy Stokes, 23, at his home in the 1500 block of East Bradbury Avenue, police said.

Stokes started whacking Neligh on the head with a 12-inch pipe wrench and demanded money, but the homeowner was able to escape his attacker and turn the tables, shooting Stokes twice, investigators said.

Neligh suffered wounds to his head that required nine staples. His ear was smashed and his arms were bruised with defensive wounds as he tried to shield his head, 6News' Derrik Thomas reported. Neligh also suffered a broken finger and bruised side.

After Neligh initially fought off his attacker, he waited on a second surge.

"I decided to go into my bedroom and pick up my pistol in case he came back. When I opened up the bedroom door, there he was," Neligh said. "He raised up his arm again, so I said, 'Bang, bang,' and fired off two shots -- hit him both times. I never fired that pistol before."

Stokes fled the home and collapsed in front of another house nearby, where Theresa Hall helped him.

"I wanted to get him a pillow. He was collapsing. It was boiling hot outside. I thought he was going to die," Hall said. "He had two gunshots, one in the stomach and one in the arm."

The day after the ordeal, neighbors embraced Neligh and showed support for him.

"He's a good guy. He's willing to help anybody out," said Michelle Fallowfied. "He watches out for the whole neighborhood. He had to watch out for himself this time."

"It's kind of crazy out here. You don't know who to trust these days," said neighbor Fred Caldwell. "I would probably have done the same thing. Thank God he's alive."

Stokes is recovering at Wishard Memorial Hospital. When he is healthy, he could face charges of attempted robbery and aggravated assault.

"He needs to suffer the consequences of his actions, to teach the world that this crap don't play," Neligh said.

Charges won't be filed against Neligh.
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