Author Topic: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training  (Read 20667 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Tyrnagog

  • Member
  • ****
  • -30
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 165
  • Civilian
Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« on: October 03, 2004, 01:19:07 »
I was wondering...  for all of you who are joining and have kids..

How did you explain what you were doing/why you were going to be away for 4+ months to them?  Especially if they are young?

Looks like I may be going in January as DEO (Sig O) and I have a 3 year old daughter, who is quite the "daddy's girl"..  Any ideas how I can explain to her why I am going to be away for the next year or so in a way that she understands and yet isn't completely freaked out?

Or is this just one of those things you can't really explain to someone so young and I just need to let her deal with it in her own way?

Thanks for the feedback, stories and advice!
But the Sons of Martha favour their Mother of the careful soul and the troubled heart.
And because she lost her temper once, and because she was rude to the Lord her Guest,
Her Sons must wait upon Mary‘s Sons, world without end, reprieve, or rest.

Offline Bert

  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • 1,435
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 805
  • Military
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2004, 01:38:09 »
In my opinion, the best way to deal with it is to provide a suitable description of what
you're going to do and achieve to your daughter. 

Then during the course, keep the lines of communication open.  Invest in a digital camera.
Depending on your course, what you can bring and computer access, send letters, e-mail,
and pictures as often as you can.  With the help of the wife and family, you'll always
be on your daughter's mind.  Helps you too.  Make trips home when you can.  Keep
a positive attitude.  Your career choice is as much for you as it is for your daughter (family).

Offline CheersShag

  • Army.ca Veteran
  • *****
  • -15
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 2,361
  • My mom says I'm cool
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2004, 02:52:58 »
Definetly try and explain it to her.
My father explained it to me when I was that age and I managed to get it.
"Daddys job is very important and he has to go away for a long time, but that's to keep you and your sister safe."

I'm not a child psychologist though..so maybe they'll think that if daddys not away they're not safe...
I shouldn't be allowed to reproduce should I?

Defintely make the attempt to explain it in some detail though, if that doesn't work just gradually explain it to her over the years.

Offline Scott

    - apparently an antagonist.

  • Likes fire and loud noises.
  • Chief of Staff
  • Army.ca Fixture
  • *
  • 201,190
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 7,995
  • El Scorcho Diablo
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2004, 17:45:43 »
My Dad was away on and off (MP) from the time I was born until he got out when I was 12, he then got a job with Transport Canada and was away all through his career with them. I turned out just fine. Missed him when he was overseas but I have fond memories of some of his buddies coming to take me to hockey games and the like. Now, I am the one who kind of likes being away. I don't mind going to courses with my job or on extended projects away from home and I think that because I was used to someone being gone alot while I was growing up that it sort of rubbed off on me as being normal. It's good for some and not for others, I'm just one of the ones who didn't really mind it.
Be nice for no reason.

Offline Spazkatt

  • Jr. Member
  • ***
  • -75
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 50
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2004, 23:33:06 »
Hello, all.
I was wondering is anyone was willing to share their experiences regarding enrolling with the CF and the impact it had or might have with their fledgeling families. This would be a major deciding factor for me and would find it interesting to see how others have handled it.
Thanks in advance.

Offline gun plumber

  • works hard to keep the horse dancin'!
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • 5,995
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 361
  • Dirty EME
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2004, 02:21:38 »
I was enrolled reg force in 02 with a common law wife and a newborne son.To her credit,my wife was in the reserves,and had some idea of what the life was about.We had our "disscusions"about it and it's now going on 6 yrs + and 2 postings later and both she and my son are loving it.
My advice.....Keep your wife informed and involved.It saves alot of "disscusions"later on if she knows whats going on.



























"It is war that shapes peace,and armament that shapes war."-Thomas Fuller

Ref: B-GL-314-008/AM-002
Chapter 6, Section 4, Para 3
The only reason for the existence of a Maintenance Platoon or
Company is the recovery and repair of equipment; thus any defensive
scheme which ties up a large number of technicians for long periods
in non-productive duties is of direct assistance to the enemy.

Offline Frank the Tank

  • Member
  • ****
  • -20
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 223
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #6 on: October 21, 2004, 03:11:57 »
Here's something a MCpl wrote from when he learned he was going to Afghanistan until August 2004..  He shares how he dealt with his family life...

http://www.cbc.ca/news/viewpoint/vp_storring/

Offline Kris

  • Guest
  • *
  • 0
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 11
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2004, 01:57:21 »
Hello,

Hi I am looking into joining the cf and my husband is in the regf.  Can anyone tell me what it would be like with both parents in the forces?  We also have 1 year old child.  I have looked everywhere for some info on this topic and can't find anything.

Thanks :salute:
« Last Edit: May 07, 2006, 10:13:56 by George Wallace »

Offline gun plumber

  • works hard to keep the horse dancin'!
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • 5,995
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 361
  • Dirty EME
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #8 on: October 28, 2004, 18:22:19 »
It all depends on if you want to go Reg or Reserve.If it's Reg you seek theres already a topic on the go you might want to check out.
http://army.ca/forums/index.php/topic,21623.0.html
If it's reserve's I can speak from experience.Upon transfer to the regular force,my wife came to Borden with me and transfered to the Air reserves in Borden.With the exception of the courses she had to redo(side note-It was retarded!my wife was Qual'd QL 5 in the Militia with 10 yrs experience in trade !they made her redo he QL3 over!)our life and that of our son was not drastically affected.It was actually kinda good because I would get her to exchange kit for me!
But,if you do decide to follow the reserve route,be prepared for seperation on short courses(6-8 wks,and field ex's)This is par for course as the courses might not be offered through your unit or even on the same base.
Personal note-My wife's QL3 was CB'd (confined to barracks)almost every day ::).Where we lived on base was a 2 minute drive from her barracks.On a 6 month course I saw my wife 4 times!But this is not the norm.
Hope you persue it,nothing bonds people like sharing adversity.And the second income helps too!
"It is war that shapes peace,and armament that shapes war."-Thomas Fuller

Ref: B-GL-314-008/AM-002
Chapter 6, Section 4, Para 3
The only reason for the existence of a Maintenance Platoon or
Company is the recovery and repair of equipment; thus any defensive
scheme which ties up a large number of technicians for long periods
in non-productive duties is of direct assistance to the enemy.

Offline Kris

  • Guest
  • *
  • 0
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 11
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #9 on: October 28, 2004, 19:43:32 »
Thanks for some info, I already looked at the thread that was given above.

 I have done the separation with a tour to Bosnia about two years ago.  Now I have been off with my child for almost a year and I am looking into joining the reserves as a clerk.

I have heard that you may not have to do the 10 weeks BT but may be able to on weekends and the summer?  Is any of this true?  Is there somewhere I might find some more info on that?

Is there anyone else that have both parents in the cf?

Offline Spazkatt

  • Jr. Member
  • ***
  • -75
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 50
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #10 on: November 08, 2004, 20:25:06 »
Hello...just to update...and to refresh this post... ^-^     Thanks Frank for that link. I read the stories and found them very interesting and thought provoking. I did bring the possibility of joining the CF to my wife, and to my surprise was quite supportive! Not so much in regards to reg force; at least not just yet. Reserves, however seems to be a viable option. So, away to the recruiters in Hamilton I went, and began the process. (Mentally, at least. Still gotta get my bod workin' properly). I will visit a few reserve units in my area and get a feel for things!   Away we go!


Jason E

  • Guest
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2004, 11:16:57 »
Hello all,

This is my first posting here on this forum.

I've read through just about everything I can find on CF Armoured, but haven't found all the information I need to make my decission.

I haven't yet applied to CF, even though I've been thinking about it for over a year.

Here's my issue and question:

I'm 32 years old and married with 3 young children. I've thought about joining the forces most of my life, but around a year ago, (unhappy with my current occupation) I started to look at what I really want and enjoy in life.

I think that Forces life is for me, but what about my family?

My wife has told me that she doesn't really like the idea, when I ask her about it it seems that she mostly doesn't like the idea of me being away all the time and she has said that she doesn't want to move around every four years.

So, that's my question.

How often do armoured soldiers need to move and how much time (on average) could I expect to be away?

Thank you,
Jason

Offline Recce41

  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • -75
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 817
  • Yes, I'm a prick! What about it!
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2004, 14:59:32 »
First off
 You'll be gone for about 6-9 months for your first year. That is from Basic training to DP1( trades training). You will then be posted to a Regt. You could be posted ether to Petawawa Ont with the Royal Canadians Dragoons , Edmonton with the Lord Strathconia Horse (RC), or Valcartier with the 12 RBC if you are Francaphone.
 You may then go on a tour, 3 months of training then 6-7 month tour. You will get a 2-3 week leave between the second and 5 month to come home. Then back. You maybe sent on taskings or exercise for 1-3 months. It is not like the old days the exercises were upto 5 months long. You will/may be on a in house course run by the Regt or away on course. Again 1-3 months.
 As for postings, you may stay in one spot for yrs or get posted every 3-5 yrs. It is the only job that you may get off to take your kids to the doc, or school assemblies, or get 3 weeks off for Christmas, and 3 weeks of in the summer, and may get a week for March. There are family support groups. And the Family resource centres is great.
 On Base there are places for the kids, a gym, pool, etc and all for 8$ a month. You cannot get that on civie street. Pay is not bad about 2000$/M for the first yr then goes up after. But gets better after you become a Cpl in 3-4 Yrs. Dental, Med, etc is pay for you and your family med program is also good. My wife served 12 yrs also. After your wife sees the benefits, she may/will understand. It is always hard for the first 3 yrs. As another job.
E mail me I can fill you in more.
 As one of the old guys here and a family I maybe able to help.
Canadian Decoration,Chief of Defence Staff Commandation.Bold and Swift/Airborne

Zirus

  • Guest
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2004, 17:07:03 »
Recce41
 I also would Like to join an armoured division!

I'm currently posted in the regiment of Hull (reserves)(armoured)
and would like to know at my age (18) once I'm done the 3 Hard years you mentioned
would i be good for family life afterwards!? and i would like to know a little more about the stuff kids can do on bases?
is it possible for my wife(when i have one) to work on the base?
Can we live on the base?(wife and kids)


any help would be appreciated!

thx
soldat Fiset out!

Offline George Wallace

  • Army.ca Fossil
  • *****
  • 436,790
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 31,595
  • Crewman
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2004, 21:21:25 »
Zirus

If you are in the Regiment du Hull, you can easily find out these things first hand.  Ask your RSS Officer or NCO's and they will be more than happy to enlighten you.  You are also in the National Capital Region and can witness first hand members of the Armed Forces and what facilities they have for them and their families.

GW
DISCLAIMER: The opinions and arguments of George Wallace posted on this Site are solely those of George Wallace and not the opinion of Army.ca and are posted for information purposes only.
Unless so stated, they are reflective of my opinion -- and my opinion only, a right that I enjoy along with every other Canadian citizen.

veiled scout

  • Guest
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #15 on: December 23, 2004, 23:46:14 »
Ok
So you want to join, as stated by the previous people all is somewhat true, depending on what regiment you join etc will depend on the tempo of yoour training. As for family life, I believe it is crucial to belong to a Regiment that looks after it's people and takes care of them while they (you) are deployed. You do not go away as much as you think you do, it is dependant on an issue called the ATOF cycle (which I won't get into). Most time will be spent in garrison after you have completed your trades training. If you do get tasked out (at least until the rank of Cpl) it will be limited and in the capacity of a driver or storeman, but those positions are far and few. Once you reach the rank of MCpl and above, expect to get tasked during the summer, but that would not be for sometime, if at all. Once you hit an operational cycle, it is very structured and there are certain timelines and milestones that must be achieved (again I won;t expand on this). The bottom line is that there is more support for you and your family then any other civilian organization out there. Don't believe me? Phone any of the bases in Canada and ask the base operator for the number to "Family resource centre" then ask one of the people that work there as to what services are offered or better yet check out the web link:

http://www.pmfrc.org/
Anyway I hope this helps in your final choice as to what you want to do, but don't let people fool you about the military, it does and will take care of you and yoour family!

TANKS

Offline Recce41

  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • -75
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 817
  • Yes, I'm a prick! What about it!
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #16 on: December 24, 2004, 07:01:48 »
Scout
 Remember there are more tasks for drivers at the school now. Somewhat true?
Canadian Decoration,Chief of Defence Staff Commandation.Bold and Swift/Airborne

Carpenter

  • Guest
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #17 on: December 26, 2004, 13:49:07 »
I have applied as a DEO Infantry candidate.   Can anyone tell me what happens for leave during the training process?   I have been told that everyone in the CF has vacation time that needs to be used, but the 'when' part is what puzzles me.   Thanks for any input. :salute:

Offline Bert

  • Sr. Member
  • *****
  • 1,435
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 805
  • Military
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #18 on: December 28, 2004, 03:50:57 »
During your training, you'll accumulate leave time.  The current rules are all of your
accumulated leave for that fiscal year must be used up evenly in that fiscal year,
preferrably not taken all at the end of the year.  How it is used is up to you
and your chain of command.  Carry-over is no longer allowed.

However, if at the end of the fiscal year you cannot take the accumulated
leave and have good reason, your CO may under his/her discretion allow the
leave to be carried over into the next year.

From personal experience and those of others, the military will not cheat you
of leave but make sure your chain of command is aware of the situation.


Offline SHELLDRAKE!!

  • Full Member
  • *****
  • 90
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 406
  • BIG GUN GO BOOM
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #19 on: December 28, 2004, 05:37:00 »
Usually your leave in the training period is best used evenly after your courses are completed and at christmas time, once you are in a unit,
you will have to base it around excercises and courses but usually there is a "block" leave period in the summer and winter where your unit does not schedule courses/training.As for what to tell your little ones, alot of people going on tours have run into this as children of different ages react differently to their parent(s) being away but as others have said, with emails,letters and phone calls and plenty of quality time before and after your training, kids are strong and understanding, dont worry about it too much because it will only cause you stress that you dont need on top of training.
"Artillerymen believe the world consists of two types of people; other Artillerymen and targets"-unknown

Offline shokuten

  • New Member
  • **
  • 0
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #20 on: June 23, 2005, 13:34:20 »
OK, I'm leaving in august for my basic at St-Jean, I'll be done in October and Probably be sent to my next training session when ever, but heres the thing..

My sister is getting married in March of 2006, and most likely I'll be doing something in the army (i hope) she wants me to attend, and i just want to know Can i get leave for something like that? How does the army work for situations like that?

thanks for any help and sorry for any bad grammar and spelling mistakes
"don't ever back down..."

Offline wotan

  • Jr. Member
  • ***
  • -30
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 91
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #21 on: June 23, 2005, 13:55:28 »
I'm presuming you're joing the Reg F, so my response will based on that premise.

Your trg takes precedence over everything else, full stop.  That said, if you are between crses or are completed your trg by that pt in time, you MAY be granted lve.  This doesn't mean you WILL be granted lve, but it is something that your CO or OC can consider, just like for any other soldier.

If your sister resides in the same location as your next of kin (if you are single and don't have kids, your NOK is Mom and Dad), than you may be eligible for Lve Travel Assistance (LTA) that will offset some of the cost of travelling "home" as defined under CBI 209.50.

The long and short of it is, if you are in trg (Recruit or Trades), don't bank on getting lve.  If you are between crses or have reported in to your new unit after Trades Training, there is the possibility of being granted lve.  But, if you are in this for the long haul, get used to missing birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, deaths, and all sorts of family occasions. 

That said, best of luck on your courses and congratulations to your sister.  Cheers.
You are correct, Madame, I am drunk.  But you are ugly and in the morning I will be sober.

Offline shokuten

  • New Member
  • **
  • 0
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #22 on: June 23, 2005, 16:05:36 »
thanks thats everything i was looking for

cheers!
"don't ever back down..."

Offline wotan

  • Jr. Member
  • ***
  • -30
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 91
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #23 on: June 23, 2005, 17:29:53 »
You're very welcome.  Always better to ask than to be out there wondering.  Cheers.


You are correct, Madame, I am drunk.  But you are ugly and in the morning I will be sober.

Wanting2Join

  • Guest
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #24 on: November 23, 2007, 07:21:55 »
My husband is currently a reservist, he served overseas and upon his return has put in for a component transfer to the Reg Force. I am in the process of joining the Reserves, but have considered joining the Regs. We have 4 children ranging in ages from 9 months to 14 years.
Are there any other families in this forum that have 2 parents that are in the Regs? Or any other Moms that are in the Regs? I'm wondering how to handle being in the military full time, with children. It is possible? What kind of support is available? Does the military assist with child care if you have to train on weekends, or do we find our own sitters? etc etc...
Thanks in advance.
:salute:

Offline geo

  • Army.ca Legend
  • *****
  • 26,410
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 10,648
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #25 on: November 23, 2007, 07:55:16 »
The CF does have and offers some family service resources BUT, this will depend on the area of the country where you are based.

Both in the Regs:
Depending on the trades you and your husband have, things can sometimes be dicey - instances where he will be posted to one base while you are posted to another..... not too bad when the two locations are within a day's drive of each other but, when you are at either end of the country.... not good.
One Reg, one Res:
A lot depends on the Reserve units that exist near where your husband gets posted... but you will have a bit more control on where you go and what you do & when you are available for work.
Chimo!

Offline exgunnertdo

  • Full Member
  • *****
  • 12,225
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 305
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #26 on: November 23, 2007, 07:56:00 »
My husband and I both transferred from the Reserves to Reg a couple of years ago.  We have two kids who (at the time) were 2 and 4.  Some factors that made it easy/easier for us:

-we were granted BOTP/IAP bypass due to time and trg in the PRes
-we both changed classifications, but to jobs that are primarily OT, so our training courses were filled with people with time in, spouses (civi and mil), and children (there were only 2 people on my course without kids, and the rest of us had kids ranging from 2 weeks to 16 years old).  The climate was more "family friendly" than a course filled with 20 ish single guys
-with a combined experience of nearly 35 years in the PRes, we knew our way around the regulations and administration, making it significantly easier to navigate the CFRC processes, then the training system after that.

If your husband is combat arms, he will get (according to current policy, anyway) a direct transfer to the RegF, in the rank that he wore in Afghanistan.  If there are complications and he has to do some training (SQ, trades training etc) then you joining the RegF (or even the Res) will be that much more difficult.  Basic level stuff like SQ and basic combat arms trades courses are not family friendly, you would be expected to sort out your child care arrangements so that he could do his training.  If you are on a course at the same time, like BMQ, then you will need a very reliable grandparent or something to help.  If he gets to go straight to the Regt or Battalion, it will be easier.

The system tends to be fairly supportive of service couples, but does not bend over backwards to make your life easy.  You are still expected to be a responsible soldier, sailor or airperson and manage your personal life.  You are responsible for day-to-day child care, including weekends if you have to work.  But, if you're both RegF, there is a provision that if you are both sent away at the same time (to the field on ex, on a course, on TD or on deployment), they will pay the extra child care, over and above your regular child care.  You still have to make the arrangements, they won't deliver a bonded, insured, reference-checked babysitter to your door.  There is a program with the MFRC that will find you emergency child care, for the first few days, if, say hubby is away and you are called away on short notice.  With this program, you still have to pay for it, and you have to get your "emergency family care plan" going (fly a grandparent in or whatever) cause their support is only for a couple of days.

Most career managers are pretty good about keeping couples together, since keeping them apart is expensive.  But you have to be flexible.  For example, if your hubby is combat arms, and you insist to your career manager that you don't want to go to Shilo, Pet, Gagetown, etc.  You're asking for trouble.

Bottom line, if you are willing to work with the system, and not fight it every step of the way, it's a great life.  There are complications, but there are complications with every family choice you make.  Expect the first couple of years to be tough, while you get trained.  

Feel free to PM me if you want to ask more specifics, or just to chat about experiences.
"Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot. . ."
"God fights on the side with the best artillery"
- Napoleon

Wanting2Join

  • Guest
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #27 on: November 24, 2007, 09:38:57 »
Thank you for your input.

It's a hard decision to make. We have a large family and all my relatives live over 2000km away on the east coast. Finding committed babysitters is difficult and I never want to get into a situation where I'm unreliable due to child care issues. That's why I'm trying to get input from couples/moms that are currently in this situation before I make any decisions.

I'm currently going through the recruitment process to join the reserves, but may want to join the Regs in the future, if it's suitable.

Could you elaborate on this "emergency family care plan"? What is this exactly?


Offline exgunnertdo

  • Full Member
  • *****
  • 12,225
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 305
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #28 on: November 24, 2007, 11:03:27 »
I think its official title is "Family Care Plan" or FCP.  It's a one page form on your file.  Everyone in the CF is supposed to fill it out.  I even did one as a Class A reservist.  You are to state that either you have nobody that you are responisble to care for (children or elderly parents, whatever) or you have people you care for and then you either state that you have arrangements but choose not to disclose the arrangements, or you state who your emergency caregivers are, where they live etc.  This form is then filed on your pers file.  It serves two purposes - it "forces" the member to think about the situation, by suggesting they put it in writing, and in the worst case scenario, the CoC can look at your FCP and call your emergency caregiver (whether it's a friend, neighbour, grandparent, other relative, etc) to look after your kids, if you can't.

In our case, our FCP has both of our mothers on it, and they would both drop everything and fly out to help if they were needed.  Committed extended family is essential, along with managing the risk.  I'm in a trade that doesn't deploy much (we do a bit, but we rely on volunteers, and there are enough people to volunteer), and hubby is in a trade that does deploy a fair bit, but unlikely to deploy on a moments notice.  He travels a fair bit with his current posting, I don't.  That could change next posting, who knows.

Hope this helps.
"Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot. . ."
"God fights on the side with the best artillery"
- Napoleon

Wanting2Join

  • Guest
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #29 on: November 24, 2007, 11:49:22 »
Thanks so much, I do have 1 other question. The cost of flying a relative out to care for children, is it covered by the parents (me)? I'm positive it is, but have to clarify.

thanks

Offline ArmyVern

    is awake.

  • Army.ca Myth
  • *****
  • 207,876
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 15,544
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #30 on: November 24, 2007, 12:03:54 »
Thanks so much, I do have 1 other question. The cost of flying a relative out to care for children, is it covered by the parents (me)? I'm positive it is, but have to clarify.

thanks

Yes, this is the members own financial responsibility.

NOTE TO MARRIED SERVICE COUPLES:

It is extremely unadviseable to list your "service spouse" as the emergency familycare provider on your own FCP ... and have the other "service spouse" listing you as the emergency familycare provider on their FCP.

It's happened ... and that couple is dealing with those consequences now. As far as I'm concerned, that should have been picked up by the OR and the form bounced back as unacceptable when it was submitted for inclusion onto their files.

The intent is to list an emergency familycare provider who would be available on "XX" number of hours notice should you be required to RFD or deploy in an emergency situation, if this situation should be a war etc ... why the frig would you ever list your service spouse (who is also subject to, and may be) deployed on that emergency as well? (Their trade doesn't usually deploy?? That was the reason given for the listing of their svc spouse as the emergency provider in the above sit -- think again -- think Ice Storm etc).

Use these forms properly!! They are EMERGENCY familycare plans. When you are slated to deploy on an Op ... and your spouse on a course which occurs during your deployment, both of which you are advised about months in advance ... does not constitue an emergency.
Hard by MCpl Elton Adams

If you or someone you love is having difficulty & would like to speak to someone who has been through a similar experience, who understands, & will respect your need for privacy and confidentiality, contact OSISS toll-free at 1-800-883-6094. You can locate the peer closest to you by logging on to www.osiss.ca, clicking on “Contact us” link & then choosing the “Peer” or “Family Support Network”. Help IS out there.

Offline Inf613

  • New Member
  • **
  • 520
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #31 on: February 16, 2019, 11:23:37 »
I am currently finishing my ql3 and will be posted out in April. My wife is on her last year of police foundations and will be soon ready to apply for a career in policing. The ql3 fpr MP is 6 months long. My question is has anyone heard of a way for her to have her family with her while she is on training across the country? We have two young daughters 1 and 3 years old. Military Police and RCMP unforunetly take 6 months to train. Here are some things I have thought of:
Will I be able to get on a CFTPO in Borden while shes on course?
Can I take a Leave of absense?
Would my unit let me save two years of leave and use it while shes on course?

Can anyone help think of any ideas or share any experiences they may have heard of?

Offline garb811

  • MP/MPO Question Answerer
  • Directing Staff
  • Army.ca Veteran
  • *
  • 86,260
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 1,615
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #32 on: February 16, 2019, 16:57:30 »
I am currently finishing my ql3 and will be posted out in April. My wife is on her last year of police foundations and will be soon ready to apply for a career in policing. The ql3 fpr MP is 6 months long. My question is has anyone heard of a way for her to have her family with her while she is on training across the country? We have two young daughters 1 and 3 years old. Military Police and RCMP unforunetly take 6 months to train. Here are some things I have thought of:
Will I be able to get on a CFTPO in Borden while shes on course?
Can I take a Leave of absense?
Would my unit let me save two years of leave and use it while shes on course?

Can anyone help think of any ideas or share any experiences they may have heard of?
Anything is possible but...

You are unlikely to get an Attach Posting to Borden for the sole reason of being there when she is on her QL3. Even if this was the case, where would you live? She will be in quarters and you won't be entitled to move your HG&E for an Attach Posting.
You are unlikely to get LWOP for this purpose.
Your unit will not let you accumulate a year's worth of leave as that is not how the policy works.

Best bet, if you absolutely must be co-located while she is on her QL3, is for you to ask to be posted to Borden on completion of your QL3. Otherwise, being separated from your spouse and family while on course is an unfortunate aspect of military life. You and she need to sit down and have a hard talk about options outside of military accommodation on how you can make this work. Once you are both through QL3 it will become a bit easier but there are always going to be times when one of you ends up being a single parent for extended periods and you need to have a plan in place.

Offline Chanada

  • Guest
  • *
  • 5,630
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 20
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #33 on: February 16, 2019, 17:38:40 »
Inf613...As I read your post you are presently on QL3 Inf in Meaford and your wife is taking Police Foundations but has not yet applied either to a Police Force or to join the CAF as an MP.  If her plan is to apply to a civ Police service then chances of success and timing will depend on where you go.  If her intent is to join the CAF as an MP that is a bit different and to be honest your chances may be better as two halves of a service couple with her staring here recruit/MP training once you are posted to whichever base/bn this year.  Either way on graduating DP1 (assuming you are not PPCLI) then you are headed for Petawawa or Gagetown with a battalion of your regiment - and whichever it ends up being then you are going to be there for a while. With very few exceptions that is where cpl/pte infantryman spend the first 4-7 years of their career.  If your wife joins as an MP then there is a chance that she could be posted and collocated when she completes her DP1.  The good news for you is that generally when service couples are posted together the Career Manager of the senior member picks up the cost move.  In terms of your wife's options whether civil or military police I think the career timelines you are working on for her may be a bit optimistic.  Police foundations graduates are a bit of a buyers market these days so it really depends on which forces are hiring and in both those locations (Petawawa and NB) they are smaller forces/detachments).  Using either scenario she may not receive an offer until (best case) several months after she graduates from her present programme and she might consider starting the CAF application process now to see what happens.  Good luck to you.

Offline JesseWZ

  • Directing Staff
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • 44,590
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 563
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #34 on: February 16, 2019, 18:36:45 »


Inf613...As I read your post you are presently on QL3 Inf in Meaford...

I'm not sure what makes you believe he is infantry? His profile lists his current unit as CFLTC and his MOSID as 00117... His post history states he CT'd from reserve infantry to Reg F MSE Op. His posting options are nearly limitless.

Best bet, if you absolutely must be co-located while she is on her QL3, is for you to ask to be posted to Borden on completion of your QL3. Otherwise, being separated from your spouse and family while on course is an unfortunate aspect of military life.... Once you are both through QL3 it will become a bit easier but there are always going to be times when one of you ends up being a single parent for extended periods and you need to have a plan in place.

I'd like to emphasize the point in yellow. Before I was posted to Esquimalt, I didn't even know it existed and had no idea where it was. It certainly wasn't one of my options out the gate, but we made the best of it. Sometimes making the best of it is all you can do. Getting through to your occupationally functional point is the hardest part on couples in my opinion, which is multiplied if both are going through training at near the same time. There can be lots of "moves" from one school to the next, the member is separated from their family while Att Posted and trying to focus on their course while their family might be 10000000 billion miles away.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2019, 18:42:29 by JesseWZ »
I will be seen and not heard... I will be seen and not heard... I will be seen and not heard...

Offline reverse_eng

  • Army.ca Veteran
  • *****
  • 58,490
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 1,487
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #35 on: February 16, 2019, 21:05:53 »
If you want your marriage to work, I'd avoid the military.

Offline JesseWZ

  • Directing Staff
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • 44,590
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 563
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #36 on: February 16, 2019, 21:19:06 »
If you want your marriage to work, I'd avoid the military.

What a load of malarkey.

I've been in for 12 years, married for nearly 8. I know a lot of service couples who have been married for nearly as long as I have, and have held it down through deployments, taskings, children and all manner of stressors. I know a ton of folks where one spouse is in the military and they've been together as long as me or longer in some cases.

In fact, I think more of my civilian friends then my military friends have divorced.

Yes, deployments and courses and TD and such cause tension, but a marriage works or fails based on the individuals in the marriage - not because of the military. The military may exacerbate existing stressors, but it doesn't cause the end of marriages.

You're giving rather poor advice to someone whose already married and in the military. He's asking for help on making his family situation better. Did you even read the preceding posts? How does your one dismissive line help the OP or further the thread in any way?

« Last Edit: February 16, 2019, 21:53:06 by JesseWZ »
I will be seen and not heard... I will be seen and not heard... I will be seen and not heard...

Offline Inf613

  • New Member
  • **
  • 520
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #37 on: February 17, 2019, 13:02:22 »
Jesse, Do you know what the requirements for LWOP are? If I wanted to use a month of leave plus lets say 2 months of LWOP to try and stay in the area for half the course?

Offline Inf613

  • New Member
  • **
  • 520
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26

Offline dangerboy

  • Army.ca Subscriber
  • Army.ca Veteran
  • *
  • 331,809
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 2,943
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #39 on: February 17, 2019, 13:17:37 »
This link has the is regulations on Leave Without Pay as per the CAF Leave Policy Manual: http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/caf-community-benefits/leave-policy.page#chap8
All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us... they can't get away this time.
- Lt Gen Lewis B. Puller, USMC

Offline Inf613

  • New Member
  • **
  • 520
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26

Offline Inf613

  • New Member
  • **
  • 520
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #41 on: February 17, 2019, 13:21:54 »
So does that mean Im good to take a couple months off?

Offline PuckChaser

  • Directing Staff
  • Army.ca Fixture
  • *
  • 922,995
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 8,200
    • Peacekeeper's Homepage
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #42 on: February 17, 2019, 14:12:03 »
LWOP must be in the interest of the CAF. If your wife gets an embassy posting later in her career (where there's no CAF job for you), thats usually what I've seen it used for. They're not going to let you take LWOP so you can spend a couple hours a night with your wife. She's also going to be ordered into shacks. Are you going to get a hotel or rent an apartment?

You're both choosing a military career. There will be separations. The CAF will work to get you posted to the same bases. If you cannot handle a 6 month course, how are you going to handle BMQ? 6/9 month deployment? Multiple month exercises apart? The CAF is better at the family stuff now, but you need to have realistic expectations and maybe a serious talk about whether you can handle being a Married Service Couple.

Offline mariomike

  • Directing Staff
  • Army.ca Fixture
  • *
  • 513,050
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 9,559
    • The job.
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #43 on: February 17, 2019, 14:50:43 »
My wife is on her last year of police foundations and will be soon ready to apply for a career in policing.

If your wife is considering applying to the CAF, Recruiting would be her most trusted source of official up to date information.

Can anyone help think of any ideas or share any experiences they may have heard of?

Some discussions that may be of interest to potential Service Couples,

CAF Service Couple Information 
https://army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=113148.0

Not deploying service couples together 
https://army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=97185.0

Service Couples - Posting 
https://army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=30625.0

Service Couples
https://army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=47261.0

Service Couple and Deployment??? 
https://army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=67671.0
2 pages.

Married couples and children 
https://army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=33024.0
2 pages

PLEASE HELP WITH POSTING! 
https://army.ca/forums/index.php?topic=53061.0
OP: "Does anyone have any tricks or a good way to get posted (service couple)?"

etc...


Offline kratz

    Summer is here...and more rain.

  • Float, Move, Fight
  • Directing Staff
  • Army.ca Veteran
  • *
  • 265,528
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 2,347
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #44 on: February 17, 2019, 15:18:19 »
If your wife is considering applying to the CAF, Recruiting would be her most trusted source of official up to date information.
This is a training concern for her unit or school, not a CFRC. Reciting only gets people in the door to BMQ.

Some discussions that may be of interest to potential Service Couples  **snip**

The advice posted in 2007 and this week are valid. Both members will need to communicate, make some choices and decide.

MM's links are useful and restate similar advice.
Quote from: Pipe *General Call*
"Tanning Stations on the flight deck"


Remember, this site is unofficial and privately owned. The site benefits from the presence of current members willing to answer questions.

Offline mariomike

  • Directing Staff
  • Army.ca Fixture
  • *
  • 513,050
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 9,559
    • The job.
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #45 on: February 17, 2019, 15:33:46 »
MM's links are useful and restate similar advice.

From Forces.ca

Service Couples
http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/about-policies-standards-benefits-relocation/2014-directive-amend-ch10.page

SEPARATION OF MARRIED SERVICE COUPLES: PROBLEM OR PART OF MILITARY LIFE
https://www.cfc.forces.gc.ca/259/290/402/305/gagne.pdf

Relocation benefits applicable to meet the requirements of Service Couples (SCs).
http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/about-policies-standards-benefits-relocation/2011-2012-directive-ch10.page

A Family Guide to the MILITARY EXPERIENCE
https://www.cafconnection.ca/getmedia/5d55e9e8-5e4c-45fe-a9cc-5b80dde75357/MFS-A-Family-Guide-to-the-Military-Experience-ENG.aspx
"Family Care Assistance is designed to help military members who are single parents or dual-service couples with children."

If you want your marriage to work, I'd avoid the military.

My sister was a dual-service couple, both in the Regular Force.

Maybe she was an exception. But, she was a wife and mother and still managed to enjoy a long and satisfying career.

« Last Edit: February 17, 2019, 15:44:46 by mariomike »

Offline Inf613

  • New Member
  • **
  • 520
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #46 on: February 17, 2019, 15:44:24 »
LWOP must be in the interest of the CAF. If your wife gets an embassy posting later in her career (where there's no CAF job for you), thats usually what I've seen it used for. They're not going to let you take LWOP so you can spend a couple hours a night with your wife. She's also going to be ordered into shacks. Are you going to get a hotel or rent an apartment?

You're both choosing a military career. There will be separations. The CAF will work to get you posted to the same bases. If you cannot handle a 6 month course, how are you going to handle BMQ? 6/9 month deployment? Multiple month exercises apart? The CAF is better at the family stuff now, but you need to have realistic expectations and maybe a serious talk about whether you can handle being a Married Service Couple.
We have family in the area where I can stay. I just think its a bit ridiculous to seperate a mother from her young children for 6 months to take a career course. She is willing to do deployments and exercises in the future but not when our daughter is 1 year old. So there is no way for this to happen? Its either leave your kids for 6 month or dont join?

Offline Brihard

  • Army.ca Veteran
  • *****
  • 233,405
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 4,732
  • Non-Electric Pop-Up Target
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #47 on: February 17, 2019, 16:16:03 »
We have family in the area where I can stay. I just think its a bit ridiculous to seperate a mother from her young children for 6 months to take a career course. She is willing to do deployments and exercises in the future but not when our daughter is 1 year old. So there is no way for this to happen? Its either leave your kids for 6 month or dont join?

Essentially, yes. The security and certainty that comes with a full time career in the military does entail having to bite the bullet on some decisions like that from time to time.

That said if she’s still in school for PF, she’s a long ways let from getting hired by the MPs or any other police service. Your circumstances may change somewhat between now and when she has to face that decision.
Pacificsm is doctrine fostered by a delusional minority and by the media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Offline garb811

  • MP/MPO Question Answerer
  • Directing Staff
  • Army.ca Veteran
  • *
  • 86,260
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 1,615
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #48 on: February 17, 2019, 17:43:23 »
We have family in the area where I can stay. I just think its a bit ridiculous to seperate a mother from her young children for 6 months to take a career course. She is willing to do deployments and exercises in the future but not when our daughter is 1 year old. So there is no way for this to happen? Its either leave your kids for 6 month or dont join?
Like Brihard said, if you have been reading any of the MP recruiting threads, you should realize by now that she isn't miraculously going to graduate and then get sent to CFMPA then next day.  Chances are she is looking at a year, year and half post graduation from her program before she even gets to the point of doing the Background Integrity Interview (if "new MPAC" hasn't been implemented by that point), which I'm guessing isn't going to be until at least end-April. So, ballpark figure is she won't even be enrolled until summer 2021 at the earliest, at which point your child will be much older than a year...

You keep going on about "six months" for her QL3. The QL3 hasn't been six months in a couple of years now, it is now 18 weeks long and runs twice a year. One serial starts in January and ends in May, the other starts in August and ends in December. You haven't been talking about BMQ, so does that mean she's a reservist and going to bypass? If so, does she also have BMQ-L? Because that is a requirement for MP as well. If she has to take either or both of these courses, that is going to make time away even longer.

What happens when she is working shift and can't be home for their birthday party, parent teacher interview, when they graduate kindergarten, have a doctor or dental appointment, wake up sick and can't go to school, have to stay late to finish up processing an impaired driver, when it is a school holiday, who is going to babysit when you are away and she has to work a night shift...? For what it is worth, over the course of my career I have seen a ton of great female MP either quit or OT after they had kids and realized that working a 12 hour shift on a 28 day cycle was not conducive to how they wanted to be as a parent. Edit to add: But I have also seen a ton of people make it work because they had realistic expectations and a plan in place.

I really think you guys haven't had a realistic discussion on what the demands of a career in the CAF or any police service makes upon a family and what you are going to have to sacrifice to make either work. The only one responsible for coming up with a  plan to make your family life work with the career are you and your wife. Although accommodations can be made at times, they have to be reasonable and what you are asking for right now isn't reasonable by any stretch of the imagination.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2019, 18:03:37 by garb811 »

Offline Inf613

  • New Member
  • **
  • 520
  • Rate Post
  • Posts: 26
Re: Married Service Couples (MSC) - Family during Training
« Reply #49 on: February 17, 2019, 20:27:37 »
Thank you very much for all the quick responses everyone. Lots of great info aswell. We figured the course is 6 months bexause they are still advertising on the forces jobs site that it is a 6 month course.