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How to Shower!

Island Ryhno

Sr. Member
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How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passionfruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until  red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.

Dry off forearms and butt only.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off. 

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!

I've seen that one before, but it never fails to crack me up.  So true!!!!!!  ;D
Man I've seen that before, but wow, was that ever hilarious!!!

For the woman one you forgot to add.....wash with Dove body wash..somewhere after the hair.  :p
holy shit that funny but what kind of grown adult wuold admire his wiener so much :soldier:
It's my soap, they're my parts... I'll wash 'em as long and as vigorously as i want... ;D

The wife says the second part describes me to a "t" but that the woman part in not right.

She's wrong ;D ;D
mcpl_spunky said:
holy crap that funny but what kind of grown adult wuold admire his wiener so much :soldier:

i bet atleast 85% of men atleast once a day lol
After reading that and giving myself a stomach hernia from laughing so hard ;D I read it to my fiance. Now I have to contend with WOO WOO for the rest of my life :-\!. Has to be the funniest thing I've read in a long time. thanks for the laughs!!
Thank goodness when water restrictions and pusser showers are in effect, so we don't have to put up with all of that on ship!  (minus the "woo hoos" of course ;)