Matters of the Heart - Tearing me Apart!

[JBP]

Hello folks, I'm really not sure if anyone can offer any insight or help with this, but I'm so bloody torn I have no idea what to do and it'll be life-changing one way or the other!

So I'm slated to go Reg Force in March (not official yet, but they adv me 90% chance before end of the fiscal year)... And I just met up with an ex girlfriend... Most people would say oh, big deal...

Ahem...

I grew up with this girl, we grew up together through a very bad childhood (both sets of parents split up, didn't care and were substance abusers) so rough childhood to say the least... Lost contact with her when she was about 8-9yrs old... Met back up when she was 14 years old! ... Let's just say, things between us took off like an explosion at that point. 1 major problem - I was older - and quite a bit I might add... She was 14, I was 18... That's bad, yes I know... Her foster parents at the time threatened to charge me once they found out we were 'dating'... Good thing they had no idea about anything else or they would have!!! So we were split apart, and only allowed to talk on the phone. We made a vow to wait until she was 16 and then get her out of there and be together... I followed through and stayed single the entire time, didn't even glance at another woman, that's how head-over-heels I was for this girl... She called me on her 16th Bday, but shortly just before that, by about 4-5 months, I'd met a girl who struck my hear almost as hard and began dating her. She was older, had a job and all this other crap I thought was important and ignored my heart... So I sort of rejected the one I was waiting for...

As this new relationship developed, I turned down an offer for Reg Force infantry... (DAH ME!)... 4.5 years goes by, I became engaged to this girl, then suddenly she broke it all off March 2006. It was for the better, for both of us, because really, we were going to 'settle' with eachother, and that just isn't right... I immediately began a search for the original girl who still really had my heart... It took almost a year, but this past weekend (The 17th) I found her (THANK FACEBOOK!!!!)... As soon as we started talking that night around 2am, within a little while, I was out the door, blazing my way up the QEW to Hamilton to go her house! I could not wait, not 1 second longer... And when I got to her house, as soon as I laid eyes on her, it was if time stopped, and I was 18 again, and all those old feelings and emotions came back stronger than I could have ever imagined, how crazy is that?!?...

So we spent the night together, talking, cuddling, sharing our lives over the past couple years and all that until 8am, went for lunch the next day and then I got home by 5pm on Sunday... My entire head was in a whirlwind and I was on Cloud 1000000 basically... Later that night she calls and asks if I want company... WELL HELL YEAH! So she drove to my place down in Niagara, and we spent the night together... Talking about a lot... A whole damn lot... The future and all that. The girl just broke up with her boyfriend of the past year yesterday, and right now she doesn't want to just JUMP into this. I left her before, I left her to a rough life, living on her own at 16 and I didn't look back... She wants time, time to get to know eachother, see if this could really work. And I applaud her, she's grown to become a beautiful and very intelligent young woman... My emotions were so strong I don't think there was much my mind about waiting for anything! ... But I'm suppose to go to Reg Force in March. That leaves very, very little time to foster this relationship and check things out. She even invited me to move in with her around May if things go well............................................................

I've never, ever felt this way about a woman before, it's a very unique relationship we have had over the years and I already made 1 big fault with that... I fear that if I turn her away this time, I will never get another chance, it just will not happen. And I don't know if I can live with the idea that I'm giving up the only woman in my life to light my emotions up like a bon-fire! I'm hoping that with the time I do have, I can help her see there is a way, and that with weekends off and holidays etc etc, we can be together while I'm in, and training...

She asked me on Sunday night, "So is this it? Your going into the army and that's it, it's final?"... I told her that no, I actually didn't sign the papers yet, but it's what I've wanted to do my entire life... She understands, but was quite upset about it all... I think I hurt her a little bit that night, and then that day she brokeup with her boyfriend. So tonight I sent her 6 roses, for each Valentines' Day I missed over the years including this one...

Any suggestions on how I can keep the love of my life and the career I've longed for so long? Or how not to go out of my mind when I have to leave her behind, or not giveup my career over this?

Joe
~ Completely Torn in Two! ~

 

[orange.paint]

Go to Pet and visit on the weekends.If it works out follow it up from there,if it don't find another one.

That's what I would do,not saying it's best for you.Making a career dicesion on a female is bad news from my short 7 years in.I wouldn't,but some would.

I don't expect there will be a whole lot of "you were meant to be together" being posted.

However I've been wrong before.

Next one I marry will have a good job,97 and on her death bed.

 

[Keebler]

If its meant to be it will be...she will support your choice to join if you are meant to be together. I passed up my opportunity before my son was born to join the military...and i regretted it. I am finally doing it for myself now.  I made my choice and i lived with it and things worked out the way they were supposed to. Believe in fate!!

 

[scoutfinch]

Mission first.

 

[geo]

Hey.... some women like men in uniform
some like one man in uniform (significant other)
some do no like anything in uniform.

You have some hard choices to make AND if you do go reg force, you will certainly be away from home for a while as you take your trade training, do work up training AND deploy here or there.....  some women wil put up with it, others don't.

Be very careful what kind of decision you make.... you'll have to live with the consequences.

Good luck

 

[vonGarvin]

Wow.
Don't know if I can add anything to this.
If I were you, I would talk with her.  Openly and honestly.  Ask her if she would follow you.  Ask her to marry you.  I don't know.  I'm not very good with women, but if I were you, I would:
Talk with her
Talk with your friends
Take time and think about it.

That's about all I can offer.  Sorry I can't offer more.

As for "Mission First", that says it all.  It's just up to you to find out what you want for a mission...

 

[orange.paint]

Wait till after your first tour and get your first HLTA somewhere cool.I made the mistake of telling mine about HLTA and had to come home to Canada.You wanna be single on HLTA...and not travelling in a pack of army guys.You'll have more fun.

R&R's were fun though. (Not Afganistan)

Don't be in such a hurry to settle down,long life ahead.

 

[Pea]

My high school sweetheart joined the Regular Force as soon as we graduated, and I went the College route. He went off to St.Jean, and I to Edmonton. We vowed that the distance would only be as hard as we made it. He completed basic training, and I my first semester of College before we saw each other again. Sure it was hard, our only communication was when he'd call me on the payphone when he had spare time. But, we both knew that in order to be successful together in the future, we needed to be successful in our own lives as well. I didn't like the idea of him moving so far away for so long (BMQ, trades training and so on..) but I would never have held him back from his career aspirations. The idea that he could possibly resent me for it down the road was just not an option I would pursue, and he knew I needed to do the College thing for myself as well. After about 9 months of long distance we went our separate ways. It was horribly hard to lose someone that I thought would be in my life forever, but we realized we just weren't "right" anymore. I'm sure we would have found this out if he hadn't joined and had stayed local to me too, at least this way we both had the career path we wanted. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that in order to make someone else happy, you have to be happy with yourself. Best of luck with your decision. The heart is a crazy thing, make sure you let your mind speak a little too.

 

[observor 69]

Pea what you said...+10.

 

[Haggis]

R031 Pte Joe:

If you've got the cojones to pour your heart out for this woman in a public forum, then I'd say takling to her about your plans for the future should be the easy part. ;D

Do some research.  Find out what she knows about the Army.  Find out what she thinks of the Army, too.  Then, gently educate her while separating fact from fiction. If she is open to learn about the career you've chosen, then you're on the right track. Next, if you have a buddy who's solid with his girl and she's supportive of his "green" career, go out on a double date so the ladies can talk.

Lastly, think with your head, not with your heart.

 

[brihard]

R031 Pte Joe:

If you've got the cojones to pour your heart out for this woman in a public forum, then I'd say takling to her about your plans for the future should be the easy part. ;D

Do some research.  Find out what she knows about the Army.  Find out what she thinks of the Army, too.  Then, gently educate her while separating fact from fiction. If she is open to learn about the career you've chosen, then you're on the right track. Next, if you have a buddy who's solid with his girl and she's supportive of his "green" career, go out on a double date so the ladies can talk.

Lastly, think with your head, not with your heart.

I think I can safely say that's the first time I've EVER heard a fellow highlander say something sensible about the opposite sex.  ;D

 

[armyvern]

Hmmm,

Print your post and tell her what you've told us.

Send me her e-mail addy and I'll send her the link to it!!

TALK to her. Tell her just what you've told us, just the same way that you've told us.

 

[orange.paint]

Just a side note from my joking around.My ex girlfriend when I joined and I went to my cousin's house prior to me joining.He was a Sgt at the time.I started asking him all kinds of questions about the army.I had a basic knowledge however she didnt.

She asked stuff like, will I have to go eat breakfast in a tent with everyone else. (I'm not joking)
If she could own a car in the woods?"(Im guessing next to the communial tent she thought a PMQ was.)

You may find she will be more happy if she understand.Maybe take her up to Petawawa in the summer.Beautiful area.Show here where you may be working,the housing,THE BEACHES.
Show her the nice things and she may be ready to follow you to the once unknown army life.

 

[tomahawk6]

Mission first.

I agree. Career first. Maybe the romance will work out but if it doesnt you will have a great job,making good money.

 

[brihard]

Just a side note from my joking around.My ex girlfriend when I joined and I went to my cousin's house prior to me joining.He was a Sgt at the time.I started asking him all kinds of questions about the army.I had a basic knowledge however she didnt.

She asked stuff like, will I have to go eat breakfast in a tent with everyone else. (I'm not joking)
If she could own a car in the woods?"(Im guessing next to the communial tent she thought a PMQ was.)

You may find she will be more happy if she understand.Maybe take her up to Petawawa in the summer.Beautiful area.Show here where you may be working,the housing,THE BEACHES.
Show her the nice things and she may be ready to follow you to the once unknown army life.

Oh man, that's too funny.

Civilians are amazing...

 

[orange.paint]

Oh man, that's too funny.

Civilians are amazing...

Cant blame the poor girl lol.Just no knowledge.In our area we never even see the reserves,so there is a total lack of any military knowledge. ???
Yep My cousin busted a gut laughing.

 

[JBP]

Thank you all very, very much for your thoughts, opinions and advice...

It's... Been very hard to swallow, but I know deep down inside what I SHOULD do...

Well, I figured it can't hurt, so I ordered 6 roses to be sent to her house tomorrow with the message as follows:

It's a bit past VDay, but this is 1 for every year I missed. Every single one that went by, I always thought of you... Thank you for letting me back into your life...
Joe

I figured that's a step in the right direction!

Thanks again everybody, as always, you've all turned out to be a wealth of knowledge...

NON NOBIS SED PATRIAE! (Boy do I really understand that now...)

 

[proudnurse]

Hmmm,

Print your post and tell her what you've told us.

Send me her e-mail addy and I'll send her the link to it!!

TALK to her. Tell her just what you've told us, just the same way that you've told us.

I think that is a great idea! Then she can see some of the feedback the others have given and I think it's very nice the way that you've expressed your feelings for her  ;D Pte, it sounds like you're really excited about your future career, if it were me I would work on that regardless of if someone agreed with me or not. I believe, that if someone does care for you, they will stand behind your positive choices in life. As for, if she does want to hang in there with you while you are away training and etc, she won't really be alone because there are lots of people, especially here that have been through what it is like to miss someone when they are away. And can help with sharing experiences and etc! Whatever the outcome of the situation, I do wish you all of the best and we're here to help you.......and her anytime!

Rebecca

 

[PMedMoe]

Joe,

You say she doesn't want to jump into anything too quickly.  Well, maybe you going to BMQ will be just the thing you both need to put some perspective on the whole situation.  Remember, it's not forever, just a few weeks.  Treasure the time you do have together and as the others said, tell her what you told us.  Things have a way of working out the way they should.
If someone had done for me, years ago, what you've done for her, I think I would've followed him anywhere!! 

 

[brihard]

Thank you all very, very much for your thoughts, opinions and advice...

It's... Been very hard to swallow, but I know deep down inside what I SHOULD do...

Well, I figured it can't hurt, so I ordered 6 roses to be sent to her house tomorrow with the message as follows:

It's a bit past VDay, but this is 1 for every year I missed. Every single one that went by, I always thought of you... Thank you for letting me back into your life...
Joe

I figured that's a step in the right direction!

Thanks again everybody, as always, you've all turned out to be a wealth of knowledge...

NON NOBIS SED PATRIAE! (Boy do I really understand that now...)

Very smooth. Guys like you bug me- you set the bar just that much higher for the rest of us.

But seriously though, good on you, particularly for standing up and ballsing your way through. I know form experience it's not easy sometimes. Best of luck.