Merged Child Custody in CF thread (joint custody, etc.)

[JBoyd]

Posting this in Radio Chatter as I cannot think of a suitable section for this post, feel free to move to a more suitable section if need be. Also, I have tried searching for something similar but have not come across anything. (EDIT: Thank you George)

To put things as simply as possible, my partner and myself separated last year for a period of about 6 months, during this time she dated someone else. This someone else decided to get her pregnant by not wearing a condom, without her knowledge (he has admitted to this in writing). He also stated he wanted nothing to do with this child when they broke up in December.

My partner and I have since reconciled, and since becoming aware of this he has started sending her nasty text messages saying he will do whatever he can to make her life a living hell (his words exactly). She is in the process of dealing with the police on this matter, as well as contacting Legal Aid to secure a lawyer so that she can apply for sole custody & guardianship. We also have 2 children from our relationship prior to the separation.

My concern is this, from whom I have spoken to (Family Justice, Law Line), if she does not have sole custody & guardianship the biological father can prevent her from moving the child to another province (she would need either his permission or the courts). As I am in the application process, this will obviously become a problem when I finish the training process,am posted, and am able to move my family out to me. Does the CF have any services to help members in such circumstances? Has anyone here had any experience in a situation similar to this?

I would rather not allow someone other then myself or the CF determine the outcome of my career future and would like to pursue the options available to my and my family. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

 

[Lil_T]

Something of a similar situation.

My ex decided to take me to court for custody when I escaped left Cape Breton.  Granted, I didn't handle the situation the best way I could, but I did what I felt I had to at the time.

My only advice is for your girlfriend to proceed with her application for sole custody.  The courts will take into consideration this fellow's actions.  Keep any and all correspondence from him as it is evidence.

The biological father does have the right to block movement of his child.  I had to get my ex to sign a form stating that he was aware of and agreed to our move to Ontario.  The CF didn't have any part in our court proceedings and we had to secure our own private lawyer as we did not qualify for legal aid. 

The only way you're going to know for sure how this is going to play out is to go through the courts.  Worst case scenario you will have to move without your family for a brief time. 

IF she applies for an emergency hearing she can be in court within a week.  BUT - there has to be cause for the emergency hearing (ie/ he takes the baby for visitation and doesn't return or something else that is suspect).  Provincial courts also can vary so I hope she gets in quickly to speak to someone from Legal Aid.

good luck - it's a sucky situation I wouldn't wish on anyone.

 

[Occam]

Yikes.  Not the kind of stuff you want to deal with as a serving member, much less as one that's just starting out.  That said...

Document everything going on with the biological father.  Start a log book.  Ensure the police know that you're going to want to be able to rely on the text messages that were sent as evidence in family court matters.

The CF has precious little to assist you in private legal matters.  It may also be that Legal Aid will not be able to assist you since family income is usually used to determine eligibility.  She may not be eligible once you start receiving a paycheck from the CF.

Don't take my word as gospel, but do ask a lawyer about these issues, as they might be pertinent.  It would behoove you to settle the issue sooner than later, but I think you probably know that. 

 

[JBoyd]

Thank you for your reply Lil_T.

She has kept all correspondence to date, and on a side note; does anyone know how to transfer text messages from a Samsung phone to a PC?

He seems to want to be really nasty as he has said he is going to call our landlord and try to get us evicted through false accusations. I can pretty much guarantee that he will never sign anything agreeing to allow the child to move to another province.

How difficult is sole custody & guardianship to obtain? We do have evidence that could deem him unfit to be a parent (drug habit,was abusive to our current children during their relationship which was a factor as to why she broke up with him). As well, he currently would be unable to care and provide for a child on his own. 

We are trying to settle this as quickly and efficiently as possible. Many things have been recorded, including things he has said in the past. Not sure what can and cannot be used in any court proceedings.

 

[Occam]

She has kept all correspondence to date, and on a side note; does anyone know how to transfer text messages from a Samsung phone to a PC?

I'm not sure you'd want to, and if you could, it probably wouldn't be admissible since once it's on your PC, it's able to be edited.  If you want the text messages to be of any use, check with the police and/or Rogers to see the best way to preserve the messages in a manner in which you can't be accused of tampering with them.  Rogers is probably even able to retrieve the actual messages from the system if subpoenaed by the police, but you'd want to inquire about that sooner than later because they would likely purge the messages after a set period of time.  Ideally the police would get something from Rogers saying something to the effect that "Cell number xxx-xxx-xxxx sent this text yyyyyyyy to this cell number zzz-zzz-zzzz on such and such a date and time".  Rogers has no reason to lie, and would be an independent witness.

He seems to want to be really nasty as he has said he is going to call our landlord and try to get us evicted through false accusations. I can pretty much guarantee that he will never sign anything agreeing to allow the child to move to another province.

Again, document everything.  Maybe warn your landlord ahead of time of the motives of the biological father - you'd end up being able to rely on the landlord as a witness if he knows to pay attention to whatever this wingnut is saying.  Forewarned is forearmed.

How difficult is sole custody & guardianship to obtain? We do have evidence that could deem him unfit to be a parent (drug habit,was abusive to our current children during their relationship which was a factor as to why she broke up with him). As well, he currently would be unable to care and provide for a child on his own. 

We are trying to settle this as quickly and efficiently as possible. Many things have been recorded, including things he has said in the past. Not sure what can and cannot be used in any court proceedings.

If you didn't personally hear something said, and you can't produce a witness to appear in court to testify to hearing something said, then it'll probably never get heard in court.  Everything else is stuff that only a lawyer can answer. 

edit:  added text

 

[Sub_Guy]

Abusive to YOUR kids?  How this guy is able to text messages is beyond me, I would have crushed his hands with a hammer.  *removes angry dad hat*

Just forward the text's from the phone to an email address, it works on my phone and it's a 7/11 special!

The best defense is a good offense, so take some legal action against him for being abusive to your kids.

 

[JBoyd]

I`ll have her call Rogers tomorrow to see what she can do on the matters of the text messages. The other correspondence she has are typed letters that have no signature, I am guessing that these could easily be refuted in court. As far as witness's go, The people who have heard some of the wingnut stuff along with anything else is myself, her brother, and her sister.  I personally witnessed him throw a car at my older son's head, it took quite a lot of reserve not to lash out at that particular moment. She also has photographs of certain 'toys' she found that made her quite uneasy about having him around our son's.

She will be calling the Law Line in the morning to seek further legal advice, as well she is in the process of applying for legal aid. This is definitely stressing her out right now considering she is due in May, this is why I am doing the leg work, trying to save her more stress

Dolphin_Hunter, as I mentioned earlier it took me everything in my power to not jump across the room and pummel him into non-existence. I however, held a cool head and took a better approach to the matter (they broke up shortly there-after). As much as I would have liked to of done something, being in that sort of trouble would serve no benefit to myself or my children.

 

[FastEddy]

[/quote]

He sounds like a real winner. First of all, do you know his place of employment, length, Income and work record in general.


humour me, you'll see where this is going.

Cheers.

 

[JBoyd]

Actually, due to the fact he was around my children at some point I did a fair bit of research. He is currently working part-time at Canadian Tire as a merchandiser/stocker. I am unaware his hourly wage but judging from other companies in the area and from his position I would say somewhere around 10-11 dollars per hour. He has been working there since late November 2008. His work record is, well, very poor to say the least. He was working construction when he met my girlfriend and was commonly let go after a week or two. He mainly gained construction employment through Labour Unlimited (one of those be there in the morning for work type places). From speaking with his step-father in October I gathered that he commonly goes through 4-5 jobs in the course of a couple of months. He is also apparently studying to go to school for medical transcription.

On the flip-side, his mother is a Millionaire (not sure if this matters or not, however my girlfriend is worried that she will throw her money around to secure a beneficial outcome for her son)



edited for spelling

 

[FastEddy]

Actually, due to the fact he was around my children at some point I did a fair bit of research. He is currently working part-time at Canadian Tire as a merchandiser/stocker. I am unaware his hourly wage but judging from other companies in the area and from his position I would say somewhere around 10-11 dollars per hour. He has been working there since late November 2008. His work record is, well, very poor to say the least. He was working construction when he met my girlfriend and was commonly let go after a week or two. He mainly gained construction employment through Labour Unlimited (one of those be there in the morning for work type places). From speaking with his step-father in October I gathered that he commonly goes through 4-5 jobs in the course of a couple of months. He is also apparently studying to go to school for medical transcription.

One the flip-side, his mother is a Millionaire (not sure if this matters or not, however my girlfriend is worried that she will throw her money around to secure a beneficial outcome for her son)

Aaah! Goodnews and bad news, Just as I figured, his viability for Custody or even Visitation is in serious doubt. This along with a Police record (I would bet even money that this guy has one), along with a Alcohol or Drug Problem. Plus any evidence of Domestic Violence or Harassment, should kill any chances he has in a favourable decision.

Now you are definitely going to have to get a Lawyer. Who must orchestrate for 1. A paternity test. 2. Search and/or Police Records. 3. Request Drug Screening and a Independent Psychiatric Evaluation. Plus a paper trail of Work History.4. Get a Protection Order for you and your Partner.

Now you say why ?, well he's giving you and your Partner grief. well believe it or not, you can make his life a living hell and all of the above becomes a matter of record.

Now a real nifty tactic, your Partner is going to sue him for Child support for the max. If I'm not wrong about this Character, that alone will get him to sign off on everything with the proviso that she would drop the Child Support.

This Guy sounds dangerous and you want to get him as far away as possible or in Jail. Don't let your Lawyer back pedal you on the above or they are not necessary or possible.

Now the only Fly in the ointment is his Mother. Money talks and is power.I've seen a few surprises when there is a intervention of Parents, especially if they were wealthy. (the latter pertaining to Custody).

Please note that I'm not trying to be Judgemental or Intrusive, but I would highly suggest you marry your Partner before you start all this. Believe me, it will make a difference.

Cheers.

 

[JBoyd]

We are most definitely talking about getting legally married.

You are not wrong about his character, however he is one hell of a momma's boy, and with her wealth It would most likely be her paying it anyways as she pays for everything for him. She has a history of having people's children taken away but one thing that works for us is that her husband is an alcoholic and my girlfriends nephews found a bottle of alcohol under the couch when they were over their on thanksgiving of last year.

As far as a record is concerned, my girlfriend believes he does not have one. How accurate this is I do not know, however a drug screening would most definitely turn up marijuana usage.

As far as the suing for child support, I would love to see him bled dry. I am not exactly sure where but during my search today I remember reading something on one of the BC government or family law pages that mentioned offering dropped child support for sole custody and that the courts would not accept that as child support is not for the parent it is for the child and the parents cannot barter away something that is not theirs.

After a bit of searching I have come across what I have read

Children's Right to Claim Child Support

In almost all cases, it is the parent who claims child support on behalf of a child, not the child. However, the right to benefit from the payment of child support belongs to the child, not the the parent. This is the fundamental reason why the court will not uphold an agreement in which one parent agrees not to pursue a claim for child support in return for the abandonment of the other person's "parental rights:" parents cannot bargain away rights that do not belong to them.

source: http://www.bcfamilylawresource.com/04/0400body.htm  (about 3/4 or so down the page)

I will do whatever I can to make this guy's life hell and will certainly pass your advice along to my girlfriend. Regarding the paternity test, will she have to pay for it? or will they foot him with the bill? If that is the case and he refuses what happens then? (If this is not in your knowledge it is ok, I will have my girlfriend ask her lawyer )

 

[TimBit]

Actually, due to the fact he was around my children at some point I did a fair bit of research. He is currently working part-time at Canadian Tire as a merchandiser/stocker. I am unaware his hourly wage but judging from other companies in the area and from his position I would say somewhere around 10-11 dollars per hour. He has been working there since late November 2008. His work record is, well, very poor to say the least. He was working construction when he met my girlfriend and was commonly let go after a week or two. He mainly gained construction employment through Labour Unlimited (one of those be there in the morning for work type places). From speaking with his step-father in October I gathered that he commonly goes through 4-5 jobs in the course of a couple of months. He is also apparently studying to go to school for medical transcription.

On the flip-side, his mother is a Millionaire (not sure if this matters or not, however my girlfriend is worried that she will throw her money around to secure a beneficial outcome for her son)



edited for spelling

Talk about disfunctional: milionaire-mother and thug-son...

Good luck my friend! Glad to see you have people with good knowledge here helping out!

 

[Lil_T]

I cannot stress how important it really is to document everything.  Even the things that don't seem important.

I second the paternity test.  As far as the mother goes.  Any lawyer she hires is still going to have to prove that A. Her son is a fit parent (does not seem to be the case) B. Your girlfriend is not a fit parent.  Honestly, there's no telling what is on his record regardless of what your GF says. 

Keep your bases covered and don't trust anyone who suddenly takes an interest in the situation.

 

[JBoyd]

Dysfunctional is an understatement.

Although her son may be deemed unfit, She would try and take custody for her self. She is an evil women and I will explain why. She had her husbands son's children taken away from them, then applied for guardianship and had them living with her. Her daughter now has custody of those kids. She has a big history of having children taken and my girlfriend is quite stressing at this point.

Out of curiosity, If we were to move and not be able to be found by them, and if they didn't immediately try to go for some type of custody what would the eventual outcome be? Is it better to wait until he makes a move in-case he gets lazy (as he is known to be) and decides never to do anything because he doesn't want the responsibility or to pay child-support or to preemptively strike and chance him or his mother gaining custody?

Also, as she is pregnant still, if we were to strike first should she wait until the baby is born to start all this? or do it before? I know a paternity test can be done while the baby is unborn, however my girlfriend is not wanting to have amniotic fluid removed as she believes it can and will endanger the baby and the pregnancy.

I know we are in a very difficult situation right now with very little positive outcome scenarios but I greatly appreciate the support and advice from you all.

 

[TimBit]

Dysfunctional is an understatement.

Although her son may be deemed unfit, She would try and take custody for her self. She is an evil women and I will explain why. She had her husbands son's children taken away from them, then applied for guardianship and had them living with her. Her daughter now has custody of those kids. She has a big history of having children taken and my girlfriend is quite stressing at this point.

Out of curiosity, If we were to move and not be able to be found by them, and if they didn't immediately try to go for some type of custody what would the eventual outcome be? Is it better to wait until he makes a move in-case he gets lazy (as he is known to be) and decides never to do anything because he doesn't want the responsibility or to pay child-support or to preemptively strike and chance him or his mother gaining custody?

Also, as she is pregnant still, if we were to strike first should she wait until the baby is born to start all this? or do it before? I know a paternity test can be done while the baby is unborn, however my girlfriend is not wanting to have amniotic fluid removed as she believes it can and will endanger the baby and the pregnancy.

I know we are in a very difficult situation right now with very little positive outcome scenarios but I greatly appreciate the support and advice from you all.

I'm not a lawyer, but it seems to me that "running away" and hiding will only make things worse, i.e. it would look as if you are trying to avoid the law... but others will know better.

 

[aesop081]

where but during my search today I remember reading something on one of the BC government or family law pages that mentioned offering dropped child support for sole custody and that the courts would not accept that as child support is not for the parent it is for the child and the parents cannot barter away something that is not theirs.

As i am sure you understand from reading, the ammount of child support is determined by a table and is proportional to the paying parent's income so "bleeding him dry" is not an option. Neither does one "sue" for child support.

 

[JBoyd]

I am aware of how child support is calculated, which raises another concern: Is the paying parent's income figured out through income tax and NOA's? If so then this character has not filed taxes in at least 5 years (he is somewhat of a hardcore conspiracy theory nut)

 

[Newt]

I'm not a lawyer, so don't take anything said as legal advice. In addition to the suggestions you've already been given I would suggest that you:

1. Read up on the BC Family Relations Act http://www.bclaws.ca/Recon/document/freeside/--%20F%20--/Family%20Relations%20Act%20%20RSBC%201996%20%20c.%20128/00_96128_01.xml

2. Discuss with your partner and your lawyer the possibility of you being granted guardianship if it's your intention to raise the child as your own (and BZ to you if that's the case).

3. Keep in mind that BC is a women's lib paradise and that mothers have significant pull with the courts when it comes to matters of custody and access.

4. Cover your behind. Do not retaliate to his actions or words. If his mother decides to take action you could very well be a target, so don't give them the chance.

Good luck.

 

[Sub_Guy]

Dolphin_Hunter, as I mentioned earlier it took me everything in my power to not jump across the room and pummel him into non-existence. I however, held a cool head and took a better approach to the matter (they broke up shortly there-after). As much as I would have liked to of done something, being in that sort of trouble would serve no benefit to myself or my children.

I have to wonder though what would have happened...  Adult abuses kid, parent of that kid kicks the crap out of adult.  I would gladly take the charge, with a smile on my face.

1. Remove kid from room
2. Proceed with ass kicking

But that's just me and my wacky thinking, I could not live with myself if I had walked away from something like that.  I consider myself to be a calm guy, but I know seeing some dink throw something at my kid (intentionally to hurt) would immediately push my anger meter off the charts.

 

[geo]

From a personal perspective, I do not see the grand mother being able to simply walk in and take the child away...  For that to happen, she would have to prove to the courts that the mother AND the father of the child are incompetent to care for it's wants & needs.  She might be able to prove that her son (and the rest of her children) are incapable of raising children - but she should NOT be able to prove your wife/mate is not able to do same.
Your spouse / GF may have a bit of squirming to do WRT her walkabout on you... explain the how & why this happened in the 1st place... but the argument must always return to... "do what is best for the child"