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In a dumb situation... Advice?

crystalrh

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Hey guys, I'm in a little bit of a conundrum here..
I've recently decided to join the Air Force. I didn't plan on telling anyone about it really (except for a few really good friends who I know can keep their mouths shut. My uncle and grandmother don't even know yet). Anyway, my house is under renovations, and my friends dad is in construction so I called him up and he agreed to help out. He asked what I was up to these days and if I've finally got a job, and my mom said "Yes, she's joining the Air Force!"

Well, his daughter(we'll call her Dorothy) dropped out of school last year, has done nothing since (except drank, partied, etc). So he decided to go home that day, tell Dorothy to join the army, etc. etc. and now she's going to (this happened just last week). I haven't talked to Dorothy for months (I'm not into the whole party your butt off/get drunk for no reason scene), but I don't think Dorothy's going to cut it in the military. I know she is not taking things seriously, and thinks that "oh, because you'll can do it, I can do it too!" "Free ride through university! yay! and getting paid while I'm at it! yay!" (I know this from talking to other people that Dorthy has talked to)

Maybe it's not my business, if Dorothy wants to do it, she can. But my question is, should I just keep my mouth shut? See if she makes it through BMQ if she does get cleared to do so? I guess I feel somewhat mocked, and don't think Dorothy needs to be spending the military's dollars if she DOES decide to back out. I feel bad for doubting her, but she used to be my best friend and there's things I know about this person (which are not my right to disclose) that make me think that Dorothy could not face a more organized, strict, male-majority system. What if they decide to drop out of university again?

And just to clarify - NO - it is not jealousy. I know many others who are already involved in the Canadian Forces, US Army, or are on their way to doing so. It's just this one person happens to be a little different...
 

Civvymedic

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Give the girl a chance! Sounds like this might be a great opportunity to change her life around. Be a friend, support her and see where she goes from here.....
 

GAP

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Don't be judgemental....we all grow up, sometime easily, sometimes not, but either way it's her choice.
 

WannaBeFlyer

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I have seen it go the other way where the recruit who you think is going to thunder BMQ/SQ/DP1 actually does quite well and really turns his or her life around. On the other hand, there was one guy on my BMQ course who wanted to be a soldier from day one and seemed to know everything there was to know about the CF. He VR'ed after a couple of weeks of BMQ. He couldn't take getting jacked up and stressed over every detail.

I see your point though. Good luck with your application!
 

Ex-Dragoon

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As the others have said don't be too hard on this girl. I have known quite a few guys that partied and you would think would not be cut out for the military. One day that infamous light bulb goes on, they join and not only do theu male it through BMQ or BOTC they excel. It illustrates how often we think we know someone well enough and they prove otherwise.
 

crystalrh

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I guess I'm a little rattled at the fact that she's doing it because I'm doing it. Not because she really wants it. I'm sorry, that sounds ignorant and naive and I don't mean for it to be that way. I just don't think she's thought it through completely.
 

George Wallace

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crystalrh said:
I guess I'm a little rattled at the fact that she's doing it because I'm doing it. Not because she really wants it. I'm sorry, that sounds ignorant and naive and I don't mean for it to be that way. I just don't think she's thought it through completely.

Well.  She still hasn't made it through the Recruiting Process, and that may sort her out.  As others have said, it could be a life changing thing for her.  You shouldn't worry about it.  Many others have joined the CF following the example of a friend or acquaintance.  Your friend is no different.  You may have been what she needed to make up her mind on what to do with her life.........Only time will tell.
 

crystalrh

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I too, am following examples of those I know, but the thing is, I've talked to them quite alot about it, about their experiences, paths to get where they are, basically I made absolutely sure this is what I wanted to do.
It took me much longer than a week.

Thank you all for your advice so far. I think I'm just going to keep my mouth shut about it and if she makes it, I'll be happy for her.
 

Drag

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She hasn't even started basic... As you said she might turn herself around.  If it is not for her, she'll realize it once on BMQ/ BMOQ.
 

rmc_wannabe

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Never pass a fault.

You'll see a lot of people do a lot of stupid things in your military career. Some of them will get caught, charged, kicked out, etc; some will just float on through, but at the end of the day they are a soldier all the same, and your comrade. Those that need to pass a fault , will, if you're not in that position, just leave it be and get on with the task at hand.

Hope that helps you out
 

TCBF

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crystalrh said:
I guess I'm a little rattled at the fact that she's doing it because I'm doing it. Not because she really wants it. I'm sorry, that sounds ignorant and naive and I don't mean for it to be that way. I just don't think she's thought it through completely.

- You are clearly showing leadership here by setting a good example.  This has happened before, hasn't it?  She (or others) have modified behaviors because of your actions or direction.  Doubts?  That's life.  Carry on.  You're on the right track.
 

PanaEng

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Its amazing how different people adapt to situations - as others have said, she might even excel.
I would just worry about about myself - can I take the pressure? can I live with the injustice of being confined to barracks for the 5th weekend when others are going to town and haven't done as well as me?
Attitude is everything and if your worry about things like that it wont make it easier.

good luck.

Frank




 

PanaEng

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PanaEng said:
Its amazing how different people adapt to situations - as others have said, she might even excel.
I would just worry about about myself - can I take the pressure? can I live with the injustice of being confined to barracks for the 5th weekend when others are going to town and haven't done as well as me?
Attitude is everything and if your worry about things like that it wont make it easier.
I should clarify - that's just advise on surviving BMQ, etc. not generally life after that.

cheers,
Frank
 

Celticgirl

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crystalrh said:
But my question is, should I just keep my mouth shut?

Yes.

[quote author=crystalh]I guess I'm a little rattled at the fact that she's doing it because I'm doing it. Not because she really wants it. I'm sorry, that sounds ignorant and naive and I don't mean for it to be that way. I just don't think she's thought it through completely.[/quote]

Sometimes, people just don't realize what options are available until they hear about someone else's experience. In my own situation, I had thought about joining the military many years ago (back in grade 12, which is a long time ago for me) but had long since put aside that aspiration. However, I started dating a Log O and when I decided I needed a career change and was trying to decide what to do, it occurred to me - *lightbulb* - join the military! I don't know if I would have done so without his 'example'. He encouraged me even though I worried about being a little too 'mature' to begin a career in the CF. I'm very excited to be swearing in this December!

Now, a friend of mine (and former supervisor) has decided to join the reserves, and I am sure that her decision was at least in part due to my experience and all the positive things I have told her about having a career in the military.

So as you can see, you have likely been a catalyst for this woman, in a good way. If it turns out that she joins and does well, you have done her a great service.

By the way, my Log O boyfriend - now my fiance - is in recruiting and I know that he would love for more people to spread the word around about jobs in the military. Pass it on!  ;)

 

Bellus88

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The main question is would she beable to get through university? She seems undisciplined enough in her studies as with all the partying she did. So about this "free ride" through university where you are paid while doing your studies, how much time do you have to spend at BMQ before you start the studies?
 

PMedMoe

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Bellus88 said:
The main question is would she beable to get through university? She seems undisciplined enough in her studies as with all the partying she did. So about this "free ride" through university where you are paid while doing your studies, how much time do you have to spend at BMQ before you start the studies?

Who said anything about university??  ???
 

PMedMoe

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Oops, my bad.  :-[  I figured if she's dropped out of school (I was thinking high school) she wouldn't be able to start university without a GED at the very least.  I was also looking at the BMQ vice BOMQ.
 

xo31@711ret

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Well, just in my own case, i was a bit of a partier before I joined just 4 weeks shy of my 18th B-day. In my case, the military helped grow up and open my eyes (though I still partied a bit while single  ;D  'work hard, party hardier' - in the 80's anyhow). When family asked me where they think I would be if I hadn't of joined? I truly beleive, at the very least, waiting for my pogey check and 'partying' / pissing my life away (like a very few old childhood buds are doing);
behind bars;
or worse, almost forgotten and rotting in some grave.
Give her the benefit of doubt.
 

crystalrh

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Bellus88 said:
The main question is would she beable to get through university? She seems undisciplined enough in her studies as with all the partying she did. So about this "free ride" through university where you are paid while doing your studies, how much time do you have to spend at BMQ before you start the studies?
Thats exactly what I'm getting at.
I don't talk to her much anymore, and I think I'm going to keep it that way for now and focus on what I need to do. I'm trying to take the process of getting in seriously so I actually have a career to look forward to.
I appreciate everyone's advice so far! It's been very helpful! I still don't feel like a "catalyst" for her "trying to change her life around." But hey, whatever floats her boat!  :)
 
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