# GF is harrasing me to ask this: How often can we contact family during BMQ?



## Seagris (17 Oct 2005)

GF is harassing me to ask this: How often can we contact family? Do we have access to email?


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## Obz (17 Oct 2005)

mines bugging me as well but im looking at this as a vacation for a few months WOOT!


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## Big T (17 Oct 2005)

Obz said:
			
		

> mines bugging me as well but im looking at this as a vacation for a few months WOOT!



haha, that a boy!! (jk)  ;D

I am also curious, so posting here will keep this topic in the "recent topics" section on the main page.


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## boehm (17 Oct 2005)

Every course is different, on my BMQ/SQ I had no contact with my family for the first 2 weeks(much to busy). After that I spoke to them on the phone a couple times a week, we had phone access at any time we were not busy. On week four we were given access to internet and e-mail. Again we could use it when ever we had free time.


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## Shadow Cat (18 Oct 2005)

All depends on your work load and I guess how often you want to.  My DH called me every night except for when he was in the field.  Sometime the phone calls where just to say good night I love you as there wasn't much time to talk with all fo the chores that needed to get done.


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## Kat Stevens (18 Oct 2005)

You will be cloistered in a monastery, where all contact with the outer world is forbidden.  There you will be trained in the ways of the warrior monk.  You will endure extremes of deprivation, sleeping two hours a night, fed a diet of boiled rice and Brussels sprouts.  Upon graduation, you will be a finely tuned killing machine, with no need or desire for earthly pleasures, such as a girl "friend" can provide.  Welcome to The Brotherhood.


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## paracowboy (18 Oct 2005)

nightly phone calls, e-mail, no friggin' wonder the troops are weak.


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## Jaxson (18 Oct 2005)

Kat Stevens said:
			
		

> You will be cloistered in a monastery, where all contact with the outer world is forbidden.   There you will be trained in the ways of the warrior monk.   You will endure extremes of deprivation, sleeping two hours a night, fed a diet of boiled rice and Brussels sprouts.   Upon graduation, you will be a finely tuned killing machine, with no need or desire for earthly pleasures, such as a girl "friend" can provide.   Welcome to The Brotherhood.



have you ever watched the shows on those warrior monks? man i saw one guy stand himself up on all 10 fingers, then someone grabbed his feet to give him balance and he went to just 2 fingers on each hand i thought that was pretty amazing. Yes that was off topic.


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## Bograt (18 Oct 2005)

paracowboy said:
			
		

> nightly phone calls, e-mail, no friggin' wonder the troops are weak.



It was a simple question from someone who is about to start a new career. It takes a bit of courage to ask questions, especially on matters like this. Caring for family does not make one weak, in fact it may be the drive that propells him.


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## paracowboy (18 Oct 2005)

Bograt said:
			
		

> It was a simple question from someone who is about to start a new career. It takes a bit of courage to ask questions, especially on matters like this. Caring for family does not make one weak, in fact it may be the drive that propells him.


it's hardly a rant against the individual in question, or the troops tehmselves. It is a rant against the system that doesn't prepare those troops for the rigours thay will soon be facing. It is unfair to them, and they suffer that much more when they enter the real world of the Army.
Caring for family does not make one weak, but constant access to a potential source of demoralization is detrimental to them. I have seen, first-hand, the results of a bad phone call from Mary-Lou. I have seen Mommy tell Johnny to come home. And I have seen us lose potentially good troops because of it.
This constant watering down of Standards is bad. For everyone.


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## Bograt (18 Oct 2005)

I have also seen the distractions that home can generate while one is on an indoctrination course. However, these recruits have families and concerns outside of the Mega and it is wrong to pass judgement. Allowing calls home does not deteriorate recruiting standards. In the above example, what if the member's partner was expecting or they attempting to buy a house...? "Know your troops and look afer their welfare..."

Long since passed has the idea of "If the military wanted you to have a family, they would issue you one..." 

And if the member is unable to deal with the vigors of basic and the stresses of home- its best that it is dealt with now.

Cheers,


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## spud (18 Oct 2005)

You can contact them as often as you like, if you have a way of contacting them. My wife is there now, she calls every couple of days if she can. She could call every night I guess but we would run out of things to talk about and I would prefer she concentrate on her work. It's all individual I guess, if the phone calls are whiney and "poor me" calls from either end why bother? If on the other hand they are to check up on family and offer/get encouragment then call away.


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## Shadow Cat (18 Oct 2005)

In our case, and I know that it is not like this in all cases, I was the person that kept my DH going.  If he had a really bad day and wanted to come home I was there telling him that he could do it and jsut to hang in there.  I even made a trip up to lift his spirits half way through.  I figured that it would be enough to get him through to the end and I was right.  He has been gone now for a little over six months and we are still looking at another 7 months to a little over two years of seperation.  If we didnt have the phone calls and the occasional rendez vous I think that he would have quite a while ago.

You also have to remember that sometimes like in our case you are taking someone that has never been away from loved ones and putting them into a totally different situation.  OUr case been together for 14 years two children and bam that all changes and it is quite an adjustment for the military member to go through.

Just my two cents and I again I agree that sometimes home can make a member leave, it happened to a few guys there with my Dh but not always.  I am a firm supporter of my DH succeeding and will do what it takes to make sure that that happens.


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## paracowboy (18 Oct 2005)

Bograt said:
			
		

> However, these recruits have families and concerns outside of the Mega and it is wrong to pass judgement.


bollocks. It is my job when instructing on these courses to pass judgement. That is what we do. We judge if this person has passed, we judge if this person has what it takes to be a soldier.



> Allowing calls home does not deteriorate recruiting standards.


 no. Allowing too much free time for troops to make too frequent calls home deteriorates standards. Allowing recruits too much access to the outsid world with it's many distractions deteriorates standards.



> In the above example, what if the member's partner was expecting or they attempting to buy a house...?


 there are offical channels to take care of that sort of thing.



> "Know your troops and look afer their welfare..."


PROMOTE their welfare. And you do that by ensuring they receive the training they will need to survive in combat.



> Long since passed has the idea of "If the military wanted you to have a family, they would issue you one..."


 long since also, has passed the concept of training soldiers to meet a difficult standard in order to ensure they will meet all challenges thrown at them.



> And if the member is unable to deal with the vigors of basic and the stresses of home- its best that it is dealt with now.


I care more for the rigors of Army life, and the rigors of warfare. If he can't be prepared to deal with that properly, he ain't gonna have much home-life. Dead men usually don't.

Shadow Cat, good on ya! You'll make a fine army wife.


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## Da_man (18 Oct 2005)

Kat Stevens said:
			
		

> You will be cloistered in a monastery, where all contact with the outer world is forbidden.   There you will be trained in the ways of the warrior monk.   You will endure extremes of deprivation, sleeping two hours a night, fed a diet of boiled rice and Brussels sprouts.   Upon graduation, you will be a finely tuned killing machine, with no need or desire for earthly pleasures, such as a girl "friend" can provide.   Welcome to The Brotherhood.




damn you just made my day kat  ;D


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## Shadow Cat (18 Oct 2005)

paracowboy said:
			
		

> Shadow Cat, good on ya! You'll make a fine army wife.



Thank you and becuase my Dh shows me that he cares that is what makes him a great husband.


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## Bograt (18 Oct 2005)

paracowboy said:
			
		

> bollocks. It is my job when instructing on these courses to pass judgement. That is what we do. We judge if this person has passed, we judge if this person has what it takes to be a soldier.
> no. Allowing too much free time for troops to make too frequent calls home deteriorates standards. Allowing recruits too much access to the outsid world with it's many distractions deteriorates standards.
> there are offical channels to take care of that sort of thing.
> PROMOTE their welfare. And you do that by ensuring they receive the training they will need to survive in combat.
> ...



Am I to understand that it is your position that if a recruit calls home, it somehow degrades his future combat performance? Are we talking about the same course... the BMQ at St. Jean...? 

The original question was whether the member would be able to call home? Yes he can.

I would humbly suggest that if you have a concern about a course you instructed, instead of posting negative statements publically, go through your chain of command and try and address them there. As you know BMQ is a basic course for NCMs of all trades. It is an indoctrination course, not a battle school. 

If you take exception to something I have said, feel free to PM me, and we can attempt to deal with it behind closed doors.

In short, you are able to call home. You will be expected to continue to perform all your responsibilities to standard regardless of what is happening at home.


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## George Wallace (18 Oct 2005)

I think we have two extremes being argued here.  One for total freedom to call home at any time and another tired of people calling home every waking moment that they are not on Crse.  I, too, have to side with Paracowboy when it comes to the abuse some take of this liberty.  I have seen members of the CF, spend thousands of minutes on Ex standing in a Field talking on a Cell Phone to their main squeeze at home, or where ever, and not performing their duties.  There are some who spend their whole waking life with a phone soldered to their ear.  That is too extreme and should be stopped.  Calling home is a luxury, that a few (now a greater number) abuse, as they cut into the opportunities for others to call their loved ones.

Yes you can call home.  Don't abuse the right.


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## paracowboy (18 Oct 2005)

Bograt said:
			
		

> Am I to understand that it is your position that if a recruit calls home, it somehow degrades his future combat performance? Are we talking about the same course... the BMQ at St. Jean...?


no. As I stated


			
				paracowboy said:
			
		

> *Allowing too much free time * for troops to make too frequent calls home deteriorates standards. Allowing *recruits too much access to the outsid * world with it's many distractions deteriorates standards.


(complete with typo)



> The original question was whether the member would be able to call home?


 and it was answered. And that's when I had another moment of exasperation with the steady erosion of standards.



> I would humbly suggest that if you have a concern about a course you instructed, instead of posting negative statements publically, go through your chain of command and try and address them there.


 I have, I did, I do.


> As you know BMQ is a basic course for NCMs of all trades. It is an indoctrination course, not a battle school.


 As an indoc, it is where soldiers first learn how to be soldiers.  



> If you take exception to something I have said, feel free to PM me, and we can attempt to deal with it behind closed doors.


no. Nothing of any import. 

And, because I've taken a breath: All my ranting has had no effect in person. It has had no effect when put into writing. It will have no effect here. The bottom line is numbers. Push 'em through, and combat effectiveness be damned. We are not an army geared for fighting, and it ain't gonna change any time soon. We are friendly and fuzzy, and the comfort of the troops takes precedence over their ability to fight. But, I ain't gonna shut up about it.



> In short, you are able to call home.


 nightly, it appears. I wouldn't tell her that. She will expect it, and the first time you are unable to, she'll freak out. Don't put her through that. She'll have enough on her plate worrying about you as it is.


> You will be expected to continue to perform all your responsibilities to standard regardless of what is happening at home.


 to a point. Emergencies are certainly understood and taken care of.

Just don't quit. You'll find many posts in this forum where I've given guidance to wannabe's. I also suggest you peek at my thread in the Training Forum for advice on PT, and Motivation.


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## scottyeH? (18 Oct 2005)

haha, I guess I'll make a good soldier...because I *HATE* talking on the phone, specially if its longer than 1minute.


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## dearryan (18 Oct 2005)

Paracowboy,


If the CF said, " there will be NO contact with friends family over the coarse of your 11 weeks of basic training".....Fine, a recruit would consider those circumstances and adjust accordingly. Or not, and not get on the bus. However thats not the case....because that would be ridiculous. I can see how it would seriously piss off a instructor if when little Johnny/Jenny calls home every night someone is on the other end convicing them to come home because they miss them.The psychological affect of that cant be good for a new recruit, however its a two way street. People just want to know whats in store for them. Wouldn't it be better for a recruit to square away their mommy/Girlfriend issues in the first period of training as apposed to the day before deployment. The guy that asked this question got probably more than he ever wanted....George Wallace's post was more appropriate in my opinion.



"Yes you can call home.  Don't abuse the right. "


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## BDTyre (21 Oct 2005)

paracowboy said:
			
		

> nightly phone calls, e-mail, no friggin' wonder the troops are weak.



I'm sure my twisted mind is receiving this wrong, but it brings to mind images of "Band of Brothers..."

"200 prophylactics?  How does this man expect to have the energy to fight?!"


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## Tracker (22 Oct 2005)

Using the phone should be looked at as a privilege, not a right.  If you haven't earned the free time to get to a phone, tough $41T.  When I went through Cornwallis, we had pay phones in our shacks, every night the same guys were lined up to use them because they were homesick.  They were too busy to work on their kit and quarters and eventually they all left.  

If you are serious about a career in the CF, you should condition your loved ones for sporadic and unreliable communication.  

If you are a Pilot, you are going always to have a phone in your hotel room when you are away.  If you are a Cbt Arms Soldier, you may go weeks in the field/deployment before you get a chance to call home.

When you get a chance to call/email home, be careful what you say, if you are feeling negative or down, you can pass the same feeling to those at home and cause them a higher level of anxiety.  

Don't ever set a date/time that you will call home.  You can never predict what will happen and if you can't get to a phone, someone at home will think that the worst has happened.

Mission before self.


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## Bograt (22 Oct 2005)

I recall two separate experiences. First, while on IAP a cadet's wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. They have two small children. He called home everynight.

In my circumstance, my wife and I were expecting. She was home alone, with a two year old. I called home once during the week, an on the weekend. After my son was born, I called more often.

I do remember asking my DS after Grizzly if I could call home to check on the family. I was accommodated.

Did calling home make me weak, or less capable? I'm confident that my peers and my DS would articulate the contrary.

However, I do recall  a bag of hammers requesting the same after learning I received permission to call home. His reason was that it was his four month anniversary with his girlfriend. Needless to say he denied.


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## putz (23 Oct 2005)

well here is what happened on my BMQ.  You have payphones in the elevator area of your floor 2 on each side if I remember correctly.  You cna use these at anytime.  Most of the time you will be too busy to call home for long periods of time.  My fiancee and I had days were we wouldn't talk at all and sometimes we would only talk for 5 minutes.  On the flip side a couple of people called home everynight and spent most of their time on the phone....... then they wondered why they were being called blades and didn't have enough time to do anything...... just remember this....


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## Shadow Cat (24 Oct 2005)

Calling home everyday does not guarantee that you you flake out or be a "blade" like someone else said.  

My DH called everyday and sometimes they were only 30 second phone calls to say good night I love you and I am thinking of you.  He managed to not only successfully graduate but he also got the Most Approved Award and the Comradship Award on graduation.  It is all about balance.  Get your station jobs done, get yourself ready for inspection and if at the end you have five minutes to spare than you can use that five minutes to call home.  If you dont have five minuted but you can say good night I love you there is nothing wrong with that.  It doesnt make you weak or less capable to perform your duties.  Priorities is all that it takes.  You job is your first priority while there and family is second.


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## kimmie (24 Oct 2005)

> Yes you can call home.  Don't abuse the right


 I think this is one of the most profound things said in this thread. 

And I totally agree with Shadow Cat in what she said. You can call home but do use it wisely. If one or two people ruin it on a course, then it is ruined for the whole course. And you guys are incredibly smart...you know you girlfriends, wives, significant others...be honest with them and it will get you far. You know if they are angry ranters or nicey nice girls when you talk to them. Gauge the conversation and if every one you have is turning into a battle of words, maybe you want to scale back your phone calls. If they are great support and joys to talk to then call home whenever you can for that support. It's a delicate balance of keeping up with responsibilities in training and keeping the homefront taken care of too. You yourself have to find that balance, no one person can do it for you. 
As a spouse of a member I know sometimes I don't have a phone call for 5 or 6 days at a time, but that is the nature of his job. He has been honest with me about this from the beginning and so I have now come to deal with it. 

Your families/significant others miss you horribly and worry about you but there are fantastic support networks out there for them. Help/encourage them to take advantage of them. They will evolve and adapt and get through the days without completely falling apart(for the most part  ) . But remember, you are always needed at home, and please call as often as you can.


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## Trinity (24 Oct 2005)

Seagris said:
			
		

> GF is harassing me to ask this: How often can we contact family?



As little as you want!    ;D


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## meanjoe (25 Oct 2005)

Well people I agree that people should get time to talked to loved ones but at the same time it should be limited. When we are away for long periods of time, sometimes I see the meanest looking soldier cry just because he is reminded of his children as he just finished talking to them on the phone. Once a week should be plenty you should be doing your job not thinking of how much you miss your family. I am married and have three children and I have been away 1 yr out of the last two of my youngest daughters life. Its hard but what I do is write a journal and send letters all the time. It helps when you are away for months at a time to write it down. Also sometimes just the sound of their voices can be enough to set you off. But being in a trench for 6 hours with maybe 2-3 hours sleep in the last 3-4 days, and pulling out a letter and reading it helps me feel better. 
I agree it should be limited to the amount of time for calls and such, I mean its basic and what is it now like 11 weeks. man if you cant handle 11 weeks your in trouble. My QL3 and QL5 were over 5 months away with no visiting and I talked maybe once a week, but wrote often. You have to remember it hurts the person on the other end of the phone to hang up too. So do you time, you'll get enough time at home when your in garrison. Just like a 9-5 job, but when you deploy on EX or tour, its time to do your duty........you signed up....so suck it up!

Cpl 1 RCHA


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## NiTz (29 Oct 2005)

very well said meanjoe.. you really impress me!

We had a guy that called his girlfriend EVERY f****** day in BMQ and he was talking for hours with her and he was always crying like a baby. We hated him because of that. We could'nt rely on him because he was always on the phone, sitting on his bed doing nothing but crying. Man that's only 11 weeks! (btw, it's 13 weeks now). I called my familiy every  day, just to tell them everything was fine but I talked like 5 minutes before I got to bed because I had things to do! The same guy that called his girlfriend every day  just got a week off duty and a PMQ for his girlfriend during his trade course because he complained so much to his superiors and wrote so much memos that they took pity of him because he was missing her. I can't believe that the CF tolerates so much emotionnal weakness. I mean, why did you sign up if you can't stand to be away from your girlfriend for 5 consecutives days without crying? It's BMQ! It's temporary!  I don't say that we shoudn't call our families, we must keep contact with our beloved ones and we need them, but we have a job to do! 

To get back to the thread, and before I get mad again at this guy  , yes you can bring a cell phone if you want and call as much as you want.

good luck in your career!


CHeers!

Nitz


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## Shadow Cat (31 Oct 2005)

Very well said but your comment about it only being a few weeks is not always the case.  Curently been seperated for sic months and three weeks.  Looking at another 8 months best case scenerio.  Supposedly DH is supposed to be deployed afterwards and if that is the case than we are looking at another 14 months of sep.  If we could get a PMQ we would do to the time of the seperation but so far that hasnt been easy.


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## dearryan (31 Oct 2005)

Shadow Cat said:
			
		

> Very well said but your comment about it only being a few weeks is not always the case.  Curently been seperated for sic months and three weeks.  Looking at another 8 months best case scenerio.  Supposedly DH is supposed to be deployed afterwards and if that is the case than we are looking at another 14 months of sep.  If we could get a PMQ we would do to the time of the seperation but so far that hasnt been easy.



thats definently a while. Sounds like your pretty tough as it is....good luck.


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## NiTz (31 Oct 2005)

Yeah youre tough.. much tougher than me!

Good lucK!


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## Shadow Cat (1 Nov 2005)

It has nothign to do with being tough.  We really have no choice.  It is what we have to do.  

I have to be honest we are trying to get the military to give us a posting message taht states that we can move ourselves and if that happens than the Uhual is already booked and I am on my way to be together again as a family.  We will have to wait and see though.  The Base has already lost our request three times.


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## NiTz (1 Nov 2005)

Shadow Cat said:
			
		

> The Base has already lost our request three times.



What an unusual thing! Its the first time I hear about lost documents in the CF... how can it happend?  :

They lost 3 of my memos, my security clearance sheet twice and my personnal emergency notification... 

Thats a good thing you gotta see your family soon.. I wish you the best of luck!

Cheers!

Nitz


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## George Wallace (1 Nov 2005)

Kingston lost my Needle Book three times in two years.  :

OUCH!


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## NiTz (1 Nov 2005)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> Kingston lost my Needle Book three times in two years.   :
> 
> OUCH!



Ouch... did you need to be vaccinated for ALL of the diseases each time? They once told us that they didn't want to take any chance so they'd better give us the same vaccine twice instead of never...

Cheers!

Nitz


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## George Wallace (1 Nov 2005)

Actually, if the Medics are on the ball, they have all your shots recorded on the Jacket of your med file.  If they are on the ball, it will be up to date.


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## dk (21 Nov 2005)

Off topic, but does the CF have a deal with any cell companies?
NOT for BMQ! I'm thinking for after.

EDIT - ADD :

Should have used   
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





   but not available while reading forum on WAP phone while at work.

Found   http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/20836.0/all.html
A little old, but should still apply.


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## NavComm (21 Nov 2005)

OK I wasn't going to ask this, but I can't figure out for the life of me what "DH" is? Domestic husband? Deployed Half? I see it in several posts and I have no clue what it is an acronym for. Can someone please enlighten me?

Sorry for the hijack.


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## kincanucks (21 Nov 2005)

Dependant Husband?


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## dk (21 Nov 2005)

Designated Hitter?
Deployed Husband?


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## armyjewelz (21 Nov 2005)

Depending on the mood when written it is either

Dear Hubby  or Damn Husband


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## NavComm (21 Nov 2005)

armyjewelz said:
			
		

> Depending on the mood when written it is either
> 
> Dear Hubby  or Damn Husband



You're sh*tting me. And this is a universally accepted acronym or did people on this forum just make it up?


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## armyjewelz (21 Nov 2005)

LOL. It is universal.. It is not MSN lingo, specifically a forum lingo.
SIL = Sister in law
MIL = MOther "  "
BIL= Brother " "
DS= Dear Son
DD = Dear daughter
SS = Stepson
SD = step daughter

etc...

I found it as irritatting as I would never call any of the above in real life but after "Foruming" enough, it becomes second nature


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## NavComm (21 Nov 2005)

Well, I am sorry to have hijacked the thread, and now that I have my answer I hope it will get back on track. Personally I find those acronyms degrading and more than a little too 'cutesy'. I think the DFs who made them up should be horse-whipped.  >


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## armyjewelz (21 Nov 2005)

This will also be my last OT post but the most annoying accronym I find is MF.... Because for whatever reason, when I see MF I am NOT thinking My friend


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