# "The" Essay (merged)



## Sammy0max

Hello everyone, I need some feedback for my essay. Let me know what you think, thanks! 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

        Twenty five hundred years ago, Sun Tzu said “The commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage and strictness.” Clearly I'm not yet a commander, but I possess the core foundations to become one. Should I be accepted into the ROTP program I would look to my time at RMC and service beyond as the opportunity to hone, practice and apply the virtues for which Sun Tzu speaks. 

	I am, I've been told, a natural leader. I'm exercising leadership this year as Vice President of my 950 person high school, through my work as a lifeguard and swimming instructor, and as a coach for the Special Olympics. A leader understands people, and in my graduation from primary school, I was awarded the 4-Way Rotary award. This award is given to one male and one female student who best demonstrates the four traits of truthfulness, fairness, building goodwill, and benefiting others. I earned sufficient points in my last year of primary school, excelling both in sports and in the classroom, earning my “Big A” award during graduation. Last year, my swim team (Bluefish Swimclub) gave to me the “Most-Improved Award” for displaying exceptional improvement in the 4 main strokes. 

Learning and the world in general fascinates me. My grades are adequate but I know I'm capable of more. I am an avid reader, often consuming three or four novels a month. It is amazing what you can learn in a book, but I've also been fortunate enough to travel and see for myself. For instance this last summer, at 16, I flew on my own half way around the globe. For three weeks, under the guidance of an Aunt and Uncle, I traversed mountains to back-country ski the Southern Alps of New Zealand and Australia's Snowy Mountains. It was a great adventure.

	I'm not afraid of hard work and a challenge. At thirteen I trained with the army cadets. The day I turned 14 I applied for and was hired at Tim Horton's. For sixteen months I impressed the managerial staff and was often praised by customers who would comment how impressed they were by my service. I left Tim's for a new experience working at the movie theatre. Eventually I took a second job  to boost my savings. My end goal was to work as a lifeguard. I diligently took all the required courses and  volunteered when I could. This fall I was hired at the pool, and will continue there until University - Mission accomplished.  

	I have a strong sense of community involvement and team participation. I have logged over 150 hours as a volunteer swimming instructor (as I mentioned before I was hired) and as the technical supervisor with the “Prior Players”, a theatrical group based in our town. I work the lights, the curtains, and the setup of a theatrical play and teach others how as well. I am a senior member of the Bluefish competitive swim club, and have maintained my fitness because of it. On the team I also help coach the “entry level” kids every second day. I am an active member of our local paintball club, play competitive tennis and love to ski.

	The Military has been my passion for years. I dream of wearing a uniform, contributing to my country, and honouring those who have fulfilled their duties beyond the call. American General Colin Powell said it well,”There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” I agree and intend to do just that. I place my commitment, my dedication, my heart and soul into the military. I am ready for the Canadian Forces and hope that I am chosen for the ROTP program.  

       Sincerely,

  Maximilian C. Moore


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## scriptox

The question for the essay asks "Explain why you wish to attend your first choice of academic institution". I see why you want to join the FORCES (vaguely), but I don't see why you want to join that certain INSTITUTION. Assuming you chose RMC, the question asks WHY you want to join that institution in comparison to say, applying to a Civvy University. Re-read your essay and ask yourself if you really did answer that question.


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## Sammy0max

scriptox said:
			
		

> The question for the essay asks "Explain why you wish to attend your first choice of academic institution". I see why you want to join the FORCES (vaguely), but I don't see why you want to join that certain INSTITUTION. Assuming you chose RMC, the question asks WHY you want to join that institution in comparison to say, applying to a Civvy University. Re-read your essay and ask yourself if you really did answer that question.



I think halfway through my writings I got it into my head that I was now writing for only the Forces, not the RMC. Thank you!


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## Blackadder1916

Sammy0max said:
			
		

> Hello everyone, I need some feedback for my essay. Let me know what you think, thanks!
> 
> ______________________________________________________________________________________________
> 
> . . . . . Sun Tzu said “The commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage and strictness.” . . . . .
> 
> . . . . .  American General Colin Powell said it well,”There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” . . . . .



It might be a minor point, but, you couldn't find quotes from Canadians (and even more specifically RMC graduates) that contain the same sentiments?  It is not as difficult as you might think, however I wouldn't use the military quotes feature of this site as a source.


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## bron_13

This is the start of my admissions essay please help me with anything i should fix!

I would like to pursue a challenging career as an officer in the Canadian Forces. In order to do so, I need a great education, and I know that the Royal Military College (Kingston) will give me that. Attending this University has so many benefits for a new member in the Canadian Forces, like the discipline, new leadership skills, and using teamwork. These skills and many like them are necessary to becoming an aspiring officer.
  
 RMC Kingston has some great academic programs, I would like to be an engineering officer in the forces and RMC offers a great civil engineering degree that would give me a good background for an engineering officer.  Doing my degree and learning the military life is a great way for me to go from a civilian to an officer in the forces. That is why RMC Kingston is the best choice for me. 

I am a very active person and the sports and activities offered at RMC are incredible. I have played hockey since I was a little kid and would love to carry that on through my degree.  I would also like to get involve in as many things as possible, but still keeping good grades. By doing this I will gain more skills in teamwork and leadership which I look forward to in a career in the Canadian forces. 
Through training, exercise, and school work, certain skills are gain by working with other officer cadets that would not be found at a civilian university. Some of these skills are, drill, ceremony, teamwork, discipline, and leadership. I am very interested in becoming better at all these examples and more. RMC Kingston will give me the tools to do so.

RMC offers me great military training, that I cannot get at a civilian university. Not having any military experience, this will be a great help to me in other military training off of the campus.


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## MasterDebater

Looks like a good start. You might want to also spend some time discussing what you think you can contribute to RMC that would differentiate you from other aspirants, since your focus is currently on things that you would gain from RMC.


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## jetfuelcola

Before I begin, I'm just going to suggest that I think a larger thread should be created to put all questions like this one in one place. 

Anyways, below is the latest draft of my RMC admissions essay, "Reasons for Attending RMC/Civilian University." I'm getting ready to hand in my application very soon, but I'd like some second opinions on it before I do so. I don't intend to hand it in as it is right now, just so you know. And yes, I realize there's a bit of a disconnect between the first paragraph and the rest of the essay, I'm mulling over that right now...

--------------------

_*Removed by mod*_

See response below. 

*The Army.ca Staff*


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## Journeyman

jetfuelcola said:
			
		

> Never in my life have I been so determined or so ready as I am now......


.....to seek others to do my work.

You do know that this is a tool used to assess you, right? 

It is not meant to judge your ability to find people online in order to make yourself appear more capable than you actually are.

Sorry if this is harsh, but the instructions are "you will write an essay....", not "you and whoever you can find to help will collectively write....."


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## the 48th regulator

Locked,

dileas

tess

milnet.ca staff


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## Franko

Essay deleted by me, for the reasons Journeyman pointed out.

*The Army.ca Staff*


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## armyguy1

I know this topic is old, however, my question is regarding the ROTP essay, and after reading this I have some slight hesitation about mine.

To answer the question they want answered I can easily sum it up in a few words. "I am already about half way through my degree at my university." But they provide two pages to write the essay and also post that if you need additional room to write then attach paper to the application. Obviously I wouldn't just write what I said as my reason, I would elaborate. However, Is all of the things that were said in the essay written above necessary? Should I explain why I am a good candidate for ROTP, should I be looking for substance and finding quotes and all that other jazz? I once learned that the best thing to do when writing an essay is to be concise. If you can make your point clear in a small paragraph then that is all you need and the rest is just unnecessary. 

Should I take this approach with this essay or do I need to add substance?

Thank you
armyguy1


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## JoBo

armyguy1 said:
			
		

> I know this topic is old, however, my question is regarding the ROTP essay, and after reading this I have some slight hesitation about mine.
> 
> To answer the question they want answered I can easily sum it up in a few words. "I am already about half way through my degree at my university." But they provide two pages to write the essay and also post that if you need additional room to write then attach paper to the application. Obviously I wouldn't just write what I said as my reason, I would elaborate. However, Is all of the things that were said in the essay written above necessary? Should I explain why I am a good candidate for ROTP, should I be looking for substance and finding quotes and all that other jazz? I once learned that the best thing to do when writing an essay is to be concise. If you can make your point clear in a small paragraph then that is all you need and the rest is just unnecessary.
> 
> Should I take this approach with this essay or do I need to add substance?
> 
> Thank you
> armyguy1



Everyones essay and how they go about it will be different. Everyones advice will also vary. Some people will write more then the two pages provided, while others will write a single page. What's important is that you not only answer the essay question in the best possible way, but sell yourself. I was told to think of it this way. If you took two applicants that were identical, and the selection committee had one spot for both of them, who would they pick? Chances are they would pick the applicant with the better essay. The guy that made them think, "This is the kind of guy we ourselves would want to serve with. This guy gets it."

So make it personal. Sell yourself. Avoid generalizations. 

I was a successful applicant this year. I wrote a single page, 3 paragraphs total, ranging from 5-7 sentences each. It was substance over quantity and as a result I finished it quickly. So there is one example for you. No need to over think it, just write the truth.

Good luck.


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## armyguy1

JoBo said:
			
		

> Everyones essay and how they go about it will be different. Everyones advice will also vary. Some people will write more then the two pages provided, while others will write a single page. What's important is that you not only answer the essay question in the best possible way, but sell yourself. I was told to think of it this way. If you took two applicants that were identical, and the selection committee had one spot for both of them, who would they pick? Chances are they would pick the applicant with the better essay. The guy that made them think, "This is the kind of guy we ourselves would want to serve with. This guy gets it."
> 
> So make it personal. Sell yourself. Avoid generalizations.
> 
> I was a successful applicant this year. I wrote a single page, 3 paragraphs total, ranging from 5-7 sentences each. It was substance over quantity and as a result I finished it quickly. So there is one example for you. No need to over think it, just write the truth.
> 
> Good luck.



that was an excellent response and has helped me understand it greatly. Thank you


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## jwtg

I realize this is a bit of a necro-post, but because we're into November, this thread is certainly relevant to many ROTP applicants who are writing their essays as we speak.  I saw this quoted in another thread and thought it was worth a read for any of those people, as well as some additional experience I would like to add:

I applied to ROTP twice.  The first time I applied only to RMC and wrote my entire essay about why I didn't want to go to Civ U, and why I wanted to go to RMC.  I received an ROTP Civ U offer with no option for RMC.  
The second time, I applied only to Civ U and not at all RMC.  I wrote my essay entirely about why I wanted to attend my civilian university as opposed to RMC.  This time, I received (and accepted) an offer to RMC.

Definitely ironic, but the point is that in both essays I did the following: a) Answered the question they asked (following simple direction will prove to be an elusive concept to many of you- as it was to me- as you embark on the early stages of your CF careers.  BMOQ/FYOP will make this reality clear to you.); b) Sold myself by writing about leadership, experience, teamwork, all the qualities they're looking for; c) Found a way to merge my shameless self-promotion with the topic at hand.  

Same thing you would do for an essay on an exam- write what you know about (in this case, yourself) and apply it to the question they're asking (in this case, why you should be offered ROTP at your institution of choice) in a convincing way (in this case, convincing enough for the government to invest money and time into making you into an officer).

Good luck.


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## mkil

Hello all!

I received a new version of the form from my RC. It is all done online now. The essay question reads "Please explain your reason/s for wanting to attend the Royal Military College of Canada?" Now, am I being naive to think that I should answer only the question? I am applying to nursing, so I cannot go to RMC. So instead, my current essay outlines all of the reasons I chose Dalhousie University. No where in it do I speak to my attributes that would make me a great candidate for the Canadian Forces. I see that other people almost fully sell themselves as if the questions asks "What makes you a perfect candidate for the CF". Am I wrong to focus on the university? Any and all advice is welcome; however, I am most interested in past successful candidates to the ROTP. 

Thank you!

-M


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## zulu95

Before I say anything, I am *NOT* a recruiter and therefore cannot say anything definitively.

From what I understand they are using this essay to determine why they should pay for you and not someone else. They do not make any gains off someone who is in it just for free school; they want someone who will stay with the forces for a long time. 
Writing about your university also seems like a good idea as it tells them that you are well informed and likely to stick with it. 
As others have said previously everyone's essay will be different.

Again, this is all speculative and should not be taken as hard fact.


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## Globemaster77

I personally find that narrative essays are much more creative and shows character. 
Sure you can write your average essay trying to sell yourself and show off to the reader. But I find that extremely dull and boring.
Show them that you are different, show them that you have character. 
Write a story about a personal experience which demonstrates your capabilities. 
Maybe a story about a difficult task you had to fulfill? Then you can simply write about how you dealt with the problem (Indirectly show off your capabilities.) and at the same time the story entertains the reader, along with the fact that it shows character as you are using a real life experience. 

Am I the only one who thinks this way?


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## Motard

Globemaster77 said:
			
		

> I personally find that narrative essays are much more creative and shows character.
> Sure you can write your average essay trying to sell yourself and show off to the reader. But I find that extremely dull and boring.
> Show them that you are different, show them that you have character.
> Write a story about a personal experience which demonstrates your capabilities.
> Maybe a story about a difficult task you had to fulfill? Then you can simply write about how you dealt with the problem (Indirectly show off your capabilities.) and at the same time the story entertains the reader, along with the fact that it shows character as you are using a real life experience.
> 
> Am I the only one who thinks this way?



It's the military, things tend to be very direct and to the point. The question is: why do you want to attend RMC? answer it and move on to the next question. You can tell your "stories" during the interview.


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## Noctis

Motard said:
			
		

> It's the military, things tend to be very direct and to the point. The question is: why do you want to attend RMC? answer it and move on to the next question. You can tell your "stories" during the interview.



This.
I was tempted to say something rather harsh, this guy beat me to it in a gentle kind of way.  Simple and to-the-point is likely better and more professional than rambling about your ever-so-interesting adventures on this world.


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## Globemaster77

Noctis said:
			
		

> This.
> I was tempted to say something rather harsh, this guy beat me to it in a gentle kind of way.  Simple and to-the-point is likely better and more professional than rambling about your ever-so-interesting adventures on this world.



Yeah, I suppose it depends on your point of view. I get what you mean though, I don't think there is a definitive answer as everyone will write differenetly and the different readers will also think differently.

The thing I was thinking more about was that they are looking for unique people. If you are a part of the selection board, you would think: "Why and how is this guy different from the thousands of other applicants and their essays?". I prefer the method of showing my characteristics and skills through a specific experience, then relating those skills and lessons I've learned to why I want to attend RMC. 

In addition, if sure I can tell stories in the interview. But something tells me that one of the first things that they will ask/cover are your qualifications. For the sake of the arguement, wouldn't I be able to sell myself there better instead? 

The recruiter specifically told me to think about making the essay different and unique as it is the one thing that I can personalize in my application.


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## Noctis

Globemaster77 said:
			
		

> The recruiter specifically told me to think about making the essay different and unique as it is the one thing that I can personalize in my application.



Who do you trust more; the recruiter, or random people on the internet?

Do what your gut tells you and stick to it.  You seem smart enough to come up with your own decisions.


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## Globemaster77

Noctis said:
			
		

> Who do you trust more; the recruiter, or random people on the internet?
> 
> Do what your gut tells you and stick to it.  You seem smart enough to come up with your own decisions.



LOL haha, come to think of it you're right.   ;D


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## Motard

Or they may just view it as "this person can't even follow some simple instructions"

The recruiters themselves have nothing to do with the selection board, my recruiter barely knew anything about the ROTP program alone, he had to direct me to someone else. They make sure all your I's are dotted and T's are crossed then forward your application to be reviewed.

There are also plenty of ways to create a unique and legitimate answer to that question without going off on a bunch of tangents.


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## Globemaster77

Motard said:
			
		

> Or they may just view it as "this person can't even follow some simple instructions"
> 
> The recruiters themselves have nothing to do with the selection board, my recruiter barely knew anything about the ROTP program alone, he had to direct me to someone else. They make sure all your I's are dotted and T's are crossed then forward your application to be reviewed.
> 
> There are also plenty of ways to create a unique and legitimate answer to that question without going off on a bunch of tangents.




This is also one way to look at it. 
The topic of the essay is something along the lines of:
Why do you want to attend the listed Academic institution?"
The instructions were not: " Why are you a better candidate than the others?"

They never specified: Because I'm good at this and this.
I want to go because I did this, I did that...

I just wrote about my experience at a cadet pilot summer course at an active military base.
About how I learned a lot from the military and how my experience living the military life alongside reg force members helped me determine my career choice. From that I can relate to my skills and how I'm aware of what the forces can do for me. 
And I obviously picked out specific events during my stay at the base which showed my skills/personality/character.


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## jasph

POST MORE ESSAY. please... ;D


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## Armyranger00

Sammy0max said:
			
		

> Twenty five hundred years ago, Sun Tzu said “The commander stands for the virtues of wisdom, sincerity, benevolence, courage and strictness.”



*nice quote*


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## AirNavigator

Hey guys, I was emailed the RMC portal link two weeks ago and I plan on submiting my application very soon. What are some tips in writing the essay? I tried to focus on what RMC has to offer juxtaposed to a civilan university, as well as show that I am knowledgeable about the programe. Opions on my essay? 
Some things I was told was that I should talk more about myself and provide examples, but the academic questionaire already answers a lot of these. Should I still add in more of such information? Thanks in advance for any help! 

---

   Education is universally sought, though it is only through sacrifice and experience in which one can create a path to enlightenment. Such sentiments are echoed in my reasons for seeking a future with the Royal Military College (RMC) as opposed to a civilian institute. RMC has the tools to allow me to grow as a leader, contribute to the benefit of others, and will allow me to fulfill my goal of having a successful career as an Air Force Pilot in the Canadian Forces. 

   The military component built around ones academics is the distinctive characteristic of RMC that I find valuable and constructive. In Cadets, I have experienced camaraderie as a by-product of like-minded individuals working towards a common goal. At RMC, such an environment similarly breeds discipline and respect through drill, dress, ceremony, practical training, weekend exercises, and more. Secondly, basic training at Saint-Jean instills basic leadership tools---critical for all positions in the Canadian Forces---that are to be tested and utilized throughout the following year. The hierarchical structure is a distinguished part of the Leadership Programme that prepares one for future endeavors. A civilian university does not provide the aforementioned. I seek to be part of an environment where I believe “we are in constant search of something beyond, of national dreams and destinies that we reach toward, together.” (Adrienne Clarkson). 

   In addition to mental strength, physical health is an important factor in all aspects of life and in the Canadian Forces. The implemented Physical Education and Sports Programme at RMC is another outlet that creates a healthy lifestyle to meet the high physical and mental demands endured in training. These activities also help one to appreciate the value of teamwork, a critical component for all positions at RMC; the FYOP Obstacle course is a staple of the aforesaid quality. Officer Cadets undergo regular fitness tests and are presented with the opportunities to participate in intramurals and sports one already excels at and to have new experiences. Civilian Universities do not demand both the physical and mental toughness as described. I would look forward to continuing my involvement in soccer, the prospects of learning new skills, and improving my physical fitness in terms of endurance, agility, and muscle strength in the exciting ways RMC offers.

   It all begins inside oneself, and there is something that has no name, that something is the essence of one. I have exhibited strong virtue in the three major pillars of my life: school, work, and community, respectively. RMC will allow me to continue a scientific pursuit, to better the lives of other, and to exercise my passion for knowledge. My enrolment in a Leadership course provides the platform to become involved in my school and local community. As a goal of the course, I will have completed a minimum of 100 hours by the end of the school year. Additionally, the cadet program has instilled attributes of good citizenship and leadership, self-confidence, and communication skills- the building blocks I intend to grow upon through RMC and its Leadership Programme. The supplementary military training that pertains to ones desired job during the summer at the end of the second year greatly interests me. Cadets have immersed me in the world of aviation, and I have cultivated my passion by participating in Ground School and by putting my best effort towards the Private Pilot Scholarship. Furthermore, I have taken every powered familiarization flight in which I have continually impressed the Ground School Instructor/ Commanding Officer at the time. “_ will forever walk the earth with [my] eyes turned skyward, for there  have been, and there  will always long to return.” (Leonardo Da Vinci). 

   The Royal Military College of Canada provides genuine and pragmatic knowledge, ensuring one is learned in the classroom; sports, and moral fields. RMC has a rich history, reputed as “a university of leaders.” And I aspire to one day march through the Arch.


If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for your time and consideration,  


---


_


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## mariomike

AirNavigator said:
			
		

> What are some tips in writing the essay?



Some here.

"The" Essay (merged)
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/103272.0


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## Bassil_Inf

Good day everyone,
I am happy to say that my Component Transfer is going smooth and had been contacted on multiple occasions to begin the process by handing in my RMC application, and than being booked for an interview. I would appreciate some feedback on my essay portion of the application, as every critique made is helpful. 

Part 4 – Reasons for Attending RMCC   
In the space provided, please explain your interest in the ROTP/RETP and your desires to pursue a career as an officer in the Canadian Forces.

   When I was 10 years old, I always had one vision, one goal, one dream, and one desire which is to be a soldier and fight for this country I love. My deep patriotic feelings made me choose one decision that would change the way I live my life for as long as I live. Reflecting on my life, and what I wanted to do with it, I saw myself as a leader. I see myself as a man who is hard working, strong, brave and rational that can act and react when stress proliferates. I finally made the decision and joined the Reserves as an infantry soldier in The Lorne Scots Regiment when I was 16 years of age. My brother whom is a Corporal at 1RCR motivated me in going regular force, which is what my initial plan was. I joined the reserves to be one step closer in fulfilling my dream which is to be an Infantry Officer in the regular force in the Royal Canadian Regiment. After completing my reservist BMQ and my infantry DP1, I knew that I did not belong in the reserves, rather, my heart belonged to the regular force. I do not look at the military as a job, rather, a way of life. I knew that being an officer in the Canadian Forces is what I want, and I was willing to work hard to achieve my goal. 

   I am highly interested in the ROTP program to become an Infantry Officer in the Canadian Forces. I am a hard working soldier and had shown that throughout my courses in the reserves. I am a highly successful academic student whom earned the Ontario Scholar Award and completed high school with an 86 % average taking all university level courses. I currently am getting around 80S in my first year of university. Motivation, dedication, and hard work are the key factors that help me achieve pleasant marks. I remind myself every day, looking at my uniform hung in my room, thinking to myself one day I will be an infantry officer in the Canadian Forces, and I know it will happen.

   I have been told by many of my peers and fellow soldiers that I have trained with that I am a good leader. What makes a good leader is a leader that is able to get his soldiers to trust him, and execute quick rational decisions under limited time and stress. Having the responsibility of leading troops to battle, and planning out an attack and passing down orders is what I desire. I am highly motivated in becoming an officer in the Canadian Forces to bring the inner leader out of me and put it in good use that will benefit the Canadian Forces. Continually learning new knowledge is what I strive for, and with my academic history and practical knowledge, I believe I would make a good leader. My leadership experience is shown through my participation in various teams.

   To begin with, I was a member of my high school's football team, wrestling team, soccer team and the fitness club. Throughout my years in high school, I was given the opportunity to coach wrestling to some of the younger inexperienced wrestlers, and was given the opportunity to go to David Leader Middle School on behalf of my high school and teach those students everything they need to know about wrestling. I displayed integrity, enthusiasm, organizational skills and was open minded to the diverse people I worked with. I work well with others which maximizes the efficiency of teamwork. I am resourceful in the sense that I ask questions when I am confused, I utilize resources around me and improvise when necessary. As a leader, one must listen. I am willing to work with others to understand the needs and desires of others, specifically my fellow soldiers. I regularly ask many questions and consider the opinions and options of others before consolidating one solid decision. 

	With everything I have mentioned, it is time to explain what I can offer to the Canadian Forces. Being an officer in the Canadian Forces demands one who can lead, teach, listen to others, be bold and confident in their decisions and act rationally. I had experienced such factors throughout my life, such as when I was given the opportunity to be section senior during BMQ. Additionally, I navigated our lost group during DP1 back to the fob after stepping up and taking lead. Whilst my group was lost in the middle of a patrol in CFB Meaford, I stood up and notified my Sargent that I am confident in my navigation drills and can lead the way back, which is what I did. When I set my mind to something, when I set goals, I work hard to accomplish those goals and do whatever is necessary to get the job done. Every day on course I woke up happy, motivated, and proud of what I was doing with my life. The time has come where I wanted to commission and go full time, and when reflecting upon my life, I see myself in the Canadian Forces until I am forced to retire. If I am given the opportunity to become an officer in the Canadian Forces, the man they will be hiring is a man who is willing to give blood to complete my job, and put others before self.


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## mariomike

DarkInfantry232 said:
			
		

> I would appreciate some feedback on my essay portion of the application, as every critique made is helpful.



For feedback, perhaps you could post your essay in the essay thread.

"The" Essay (merged) 
http://army.ca/forums/threads/103272.0
"Hello everyone, I need some feedback for my essay."


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## Bassil_Inf

mariomike said:
			
		

> For feedback, perhaps you could post your essay in the essay thread.
> 
> "The" Essay (merged)
> http://army.ca/forums/threads/103272.0
> "Hello everyone, I need some feedback for my essay."



Thank you Mariomike, will do.


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## Bassil_Inf

Good day everyone,
I am happy to say that my Component Transfer is going smooth and had been contacted on multiple occasions to begin the process by handing in my RMC application, and than being booked for an interview. I would appreciate some feedback on my essay portion of the application, as every critique made is helpful. 

Part 4 – Reasons for Attending RMCC   
In the space provided, please explain your interest in the ROTP/RETP and your desires to pursue a career as an officer in the Canadian Forces.

   When I was 10 years old, I always had one vision, one goal, one dream, and one desire which is to be a soldier and fight for this country I love. My deep patriotic feelings made me choose one decision that would change the way I live my life for as long as I live. Reflecting on my life, and what I wanted to do with it, I saw myself as a leader. I see myself as a man who is hard working, strong, brave and rational that can act and react when stress proliferates. I finally made the decision and joined the Reserves as an infantry soldier in The Lorne Scots Regiment when I was 16 years of age. My brother whom is a Corporal at 1RCR motivated me in going regular force, which is what my initial plan was. I joined the reserves to be one step closer in fulfilling my dream which is to be an Infantry Officer in the regular force in the Royal Canadian Regiment. After completing my reservist BMQ and my infantry DP1, I knew that I did not belong in the reserves, rather, my heart belonged to the regular force. I do not look at the military as a job, rather, a way of life. I knew that being an officer in the Canadian Forces is what I want, and I was willing to work hard to achieve my goal. 

   I am highly interested in the ROTP program to become an Infantry Officer in the Canadian Forces. I am a hard working soldier and had shown that throughout my courses in the reserves. I am a highly successful academic student whom earned the Ontario Scholar Award and completed high school with an 86 % average taking all university level courses. I currently am getting around 80S in my first year of university. Motivation, dedication, and hard work are the key factors that help me achieve pleasant marks. I remind myself every day, looking at my uniform hung in my room, thinking to myself one day I will be an infantry officer in the Canadian Forces, and I know it will happen.

   I have been told by many of my peers and fellow soldiers that I have trained with that I am a good leader. What makes a good leader is a leader that is able to get his soldiers to trust him, and execute quick rational decisions under limited time and stress. Having the responsibility of leading troops to battle, and planning out an attack and passing down orders is what I desire. I am highly motivated in becoming an officer in the Canadian Forces to bring the inner leader out of me and put it in good use that will benefit the Canadian Forces. Continually learning new knowledge is what I strive for, and with my academic history and practical knowledge, I believe I would make a good leader. My leadership experience is shown through my participation in various teams.

   To begin with, I was a member of my high school's football team, wrestling team, soccer team and the fitness club. Throughout my years in high school, I was given the opportunity to coach wrestling to some of the younger inexperienced wrestlers, and was given the opportunity to go to David Leader Middle School on behalf of my high school and teach those students everything they need to know about wrestling. I displayed integrity, enthusiasm, organizational skills and was open minded to the diverse people I worked with. I work well with others which maximizes the efficiency of teamwork. I am resourceful in the sense that I ask questions when I am confused, I utilize resources around me and improvise when necessary. As a leader, one must listen. I am willing to work with others to understand the needs and desires of others, specifically my fellow soldiers. I regularly ask many questions and consider the opinions and options of others before consolidating one solid decision. 

   With everything I have mentioned, it is time to explain what I can offer to the Canadian Forces. Being an officer in the Canadian Forces demands one who can lead, teach, listen to others, be bold and confident in their decisions and act rationally. I had experienced such factors throughout my life, such as when I was given the opportunity to be section senior during BMQ. Additionally, I navigated our lost group during DP1 back to the fob after stepping up and taking lead. Whilst my group was lost in the middle of a patrol in CFB Meaford, I stood up and notified my Sargent that I am confident in my navigation drills and can lead the way back, which is what I did. When I set my mind to something, when I set goals, I work hard to accomplish those goals and do whatever is necessary to get the job done. Every day on course I woke up happy, motivated, and proud of what I was doing with my life. The time has come where I wanted to commission and go full time, and when reflecting upon my life, I see myself in the Canadian Forces until I am forced to retire. If I am given the opportunity to become an officer in the Canadian Forces, the man they will be hiring is a man who is willing to give blood to complete my job, and put others before self.


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## Force

Hello, I want your opinion on my essay please. I wrote it in french this is a translation that's why my english is not perfect. 

As you have seen, I had an excellent academic record in high school secondary IV and V. After entering the CEGEP, I made new friends who influenced me badly and that affected negatively my studies. I took the bad habit of procrastinating and sleeping late. I then entered university at 21 years old as a mature student, and completed the first preliminary year with acceptable grades. I then got accepted in the Polytechnique engineering school, but unfortunately I took my bad habits once again. I then went to TELUQ and Université de Montreal, but I kept ignoring my studies and giving up, which is why I have so many F’s in my university records. I was not realising that I was losing a lot of time and that I had to seriously think about my future. Since approximatively 5 years, I began helping the others and guiding anyone who had problems. (those things about helping others were all explained in the other fields of the questionnaire so theres no need to include them in the letter-this is not in the letter its jus for the forum). I then stumbled upon the forces.ca website, and started getting interested in the army. Then I discovered the army.ca forums and spent hours reading about the army.


After hours of intense thinking, I decided to enroll in the ROTP program because it is a good way for me to forge my future. I want to get disciplined, and the army is the best place for this. I already started training and studying more, and changing my life habits. Of course this is not the only reason why I decided to enroll. The army’s philosophy fits well with my way of thinking, I like to help the others, and I’m able to communicate very well with any person from any background. I read about the army’s missions abroad and I found out that the Canadian army performs honorable missions that help people that are in need all over the world. 

The PFOR program combines studies, leadership, discipline, and offers me the possibility to continue helping people. That’s why I think that the RMC is the best place for me to form myself and exploit my potential, and finally become the person I wish to be. Furthermore, I am already bilingual and bilingualism in one of the four pillars of an officer. I have the potential to get good grades at university and I am capable of it, I simply was not motivated and I wasn’t thinking about myself. The PFOR program combines all the elements that motivate me, I’m really excited to the idea of getting enrolled. I want to change my life, and the life of the people I will be helping. 
Thank you for your attention.


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