# Murphy's Laws of Combat Aviation...



## sguido (10 Oct 2004)

...in the ongoing battle between (1) military aircraft going hundreds of mph and (2) mountains going zero mph, the mountains have yet to lose.

...the only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire.

...all take offs are optional.   But landing, _somewhere_, is mandatory.

...you can land anywhere.     _Once_.

...having a wingman is essential.   It gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.

...if, on your take off roll, an earthquake suddenly opens a 50 meter chasm across the runway and you crash into it, the mission of the Accident Board will be to find a way to blame it on the pilot.

...any twin engine aircraft doubles your chance of engine failure.   And after one engine has failed, the most common purpose of the other engine is to fly you to the scene of your accident.

...a tactic, done twice without crashing, becomes a procedure.

...you have never been lost until you are lost at Mach 1.5.

...when in doubt, climb.   No one ever collided with the sky.

...remember your priorities: Aviate, then Navigate, then Communicate.   Do not crash while trying to fly the radio.   Aircraft fly because of the principle discovered by Bernoulli, not Marconi.

...before take off, pause and ponder, "How much does all that Grunt stuff in the cabin _really _ weigh?"

...phenomena not to experience in a helo include: Vortex Ring State, Retreating Blade Stall, and Power Settling.

...at any small airport there are lots of old airplanes, but _never _ any old helicopters.   Think about it.

...when the weather is clear, the rotors are in track, the fuel tanks are full, and the gauges are in the green, you are about to get a bad surprise.   This is just what helos do.

...running out of airspeed, altitude, rotor RPM, luck, and bright ideas, simultaneously, will ruin your day.

...just don't run out of one of these: collective, pedal, forward cyclic, aft cyclic.

...if you must ditch your helo at sea, get out immediately.   It will sink in 20 seconds.   (Give or take 19.)

...flying a helo is the same as masturbation.   Fun at the time, but nothing to brag about in public.

...if you must take a famil flight in a helo, do not allow the pilot to demonstrate autorotation.   This is sorta like bungee jumping, except that it is, (A) straight down, (B) at warp speed, (C) with no bungee cord, and (D) you know you are going to die.


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## casca (10 Oct 2004)

sguido, Great statement!


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## Bograt (11 Oct 2004)

sguido said:
			
		

> ...flying a helo is the same as masturbation.   Fun at the time, but nothing to brag about in public.


LOL

Got to remember this one.


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## Sam69 (11 Oct 2004)

A few more:

- The best things in life to a pilot are: an orgasm, a good bowel movement, and a good landing. A night landing aboard ship is the only time you can experience all three at the same time.

- The three most useless things to a pilot: altitude above, fuel in the bowser, and runway behind.

- When it comes to gear up approaches, there are two kinds of pilots: those who have and those who will.

And a personal favourite (from an old USAF guy):

- The only three things that I want to hear from my co-pilot are: yes sir, gear up; the first round is on me; and: I'll take the fat one.


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## Sam69 (29 Oct 2004)

And a couple more:

- As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you: a.  One day you  will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in a  plane.  b.  One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that  it is your last flight in a plane.

- There are Rules and there are Laws.  The rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you.  The Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the rules but you can never suspend the Laws.

-  More about Rules: a.  The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.  b.  If you  deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g.: If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

- The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.

- He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.

- If you can learn how to fly as a Lt.  and not forget how to fly by the time you're a Lt.Col you will have lived a happy life.

- One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.

- At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors,  maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job as a pilot is to not let them!

- Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot.  Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.

- Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the AOI is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.

- The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane.  If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.


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## Bruce Monkhouse (29 Oct 2004)

From somebody who doesn't like to fly,
Remember planes want to fly, all a helo really wants to do is become a very large drill.


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## sguido (31 Oct 2004)

Whoops...forgot some, including the ones specific to the CF...

...learn to love what you fly.   Once you're fully trained in your bird, that's it.   Oh, you can request a transfer...but buy Super 7 or 649 tickets at the same time.     You've got a better chance of becoming rich.

...airlines love CF pilots.   But only trash haulers & bus drivers.   The only "H" word acceptable on your resume is "Herc", not "Hornet".

...you will be issued a Cadpat flightsuit.   You will be issued your AR one when deploying to Europe, and your TW one when deploying to sand-land.

...the guy or gal who's grounded will be the first one issued new kit.

...dress to egress.   *Always*.   We're Canadian...it *does* get cold up here at night, eh?

...how bad you have to go to the can is proportionate to the amount of time left in your flight.

...the day you need to use the 'piddle-pack' is the day the heater is on the fritz.

...if you punch out, the only part of your 'survival cheat sheet' that isn't damaged beyond legibility is the part that's in French.   Punching out will tend to reboot your brain into safe mode, where you only think in your first language.

...of course, if your first language *is* French, the part of the 'survival cheat sheet' that isn't damaged beyond legibility is the part that's in English.

...if you fly Hornets, that will be the *only* PNPG you will *ever* fly.   If you manage to snag a flying exchange, you'll be driving a Hornet.   Even if the host nation _doesn't _ have them.

...the greatest risk of injury is not on take off, or landing.   It is during a 'friendly' game of Crud.


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## Storm (31 Oct 2004)

sguido said:
			
		

> ...the greatest risk of injury is not on take off, or landing.   It is during a 'friendly' game of Crud.


The scar on my finger can attest to that one   :warstory:. So far, despite nearly giving myself a heart attack a couple times, I have no injuries from flying.


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