# Handling relationships while on course



## shogun506 (10 Aug 2012)

Having just passed CFASC last week, I'm going to be merit listed soon, which means my long-term girlfriend (4 years) is starting to freak right out about me leaving. Having done BMQ, SQ, DP1 for infantry way back when, I know spare time is going to be tight on the BOTC course. So for those of you who have maintained relationships while on these courses, how did you do it? Since the BOTC course is different, was there any time to have a quick phone chat every couple nights? I know when I was on course I was grateful for any amount of sleep I could pull together. Did you find that there were frequently spare weekends in which you could fly home/get a visitor or did they get taken away as punishment/booked for training?

Any experiences or tactics you guys have devised, short of not having a girlfriend (I've thought about that one already), is appreciated.


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## MikeL (10 Aug 2012)

If you two have a good relationship, with trust, and all that,  and both of you understand that you may not be able to communicate daily IMO it shouldn't be an issue.  I've gone away a number of times(some with limited ability to communicate),  it sucks but my fiancee understands and is ok with it,  she may not like it but she accepts it.


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## Shrek1985 (12 Aug 2012)

Call when you can and write honest to god love letters. You been together for 4 years, it's worth the effort.

By the end of course she may even be able to read your hand writing.


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## Sizzle709 (12 Aug 2012)

Deal with it as it comes but if she can't handle you being away furthering both yourself and her in life then it wasn't meant to be.  

In reality its only 5 weeks that you cannot see her and vice versa. Whats 5 weeks or even if you have to wait the full length of Basic 13 weeks of your entire life? Its nothing.


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## George Wallace (12 Aug 2012)

If your relationship is going to last and she becomes your spouse, then you should realize how special spouses of military personnel are.  It takes a very special person to be able to deal with the long separations that come part and parcel as being a member of the CF.  If your relationship can not handle such a short separation as you are facing now, it will definitely not last the six month or longer separations that you may face in the future.


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## shogun506 (12 Aug 2012)

Thanks for the input everyone. George, yes I know separation is something that is going to occur. This being the first one, it's important that it goes well and therefore I'm trying to find if there is anything others have done that they have found helpful. I'm also trying to give her a realistic picture of what it will be like on her end so there are no surprises. Like with everything, I'm sure you know well that preparation is key to success :nod:


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## aesop081 (12 Aug 2012)

shogun506 said:
			
		

> I'm sure you know well that preparation is key to success :nod:



Sure. 

That being said, here's my 2 additional  Gronks:

- It will not go perfectly, no matter what you do. It may not even go "well" no matter what you do.

- There will always be surprises. You don't know what you are getting into, so there will be plenty of things you cannot plan for. "So there are no surprises" is something you do not have the ability to deliver, no matter how many questions you ask here.

- You cannot give her a realistic picture. You don't have a realistic picture so you can't give her one.

- What others have done may or may not work for you. You are the only one here who knows your relationship and, relationships being unique, are the only one who will know what to do to make it work.


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## Blackadder1916 (12 Aug 2012)

shogun506 said:
			
		

> Any experiences or tactics you guys have devised, short of not having a girlfriend (I've thought about that one already), is appreciated.



Having not a great track record in permanent relationships, but much experience in (reasonably successful) long distance realtionships (guess women like me more when there is an ocean or continent between), I add the following.

Does your girlfriend allow you to have possession of your testicles when you go out for a few beers with the guys or are they rationed for only national holidays and special commenorative events?

You are not going to be away for that long; thirteen weeks is not long.  Are there other considerations besides just maintaining a "relationship"?  Have you financially entwined your lives (i.e. living together) that will add to the stress of separation.  If so, then make sure that solutions for all possible contingencies are discussed before leaving.  Also discuss your "future together" before leaving, though after four years stringing her along, I'm surprised that she hasn't kicked you to the curb already.  Of course I'm from a pre-technology generation when it was an event to make a long distance phone call, but the one tip I'll give you to maintain the illusion that you're thinking of her constantly is to purchase enough greeting cards (and postage stamps) so that you can pop one in the mail (real mail) every day or so.  A few cheery or funny (or sappy) words scrawled in you own hand can still impress women (or so I'm told by those who still talk to me).


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## MedCorps (12 Aug 2012)

1. Find a good florist.  Have them pick out 2-3 nice arrangements.  Pick 2-3 important days that you will miss, or days when you want to commit a random act of romance.  Have them execute the delivery in your absence. 

2. Get something nice for her.  Wrap it and hide it in her house.  When things are starting to get a little strained, on the phone tell her that you bought something for her and tell her where to find it. 

3. Don't sleep with your course mates.  This includes them you are drunk on first weekend leave after X weeks of being CB on weekends. 

4. When you  do sleep with your course mates, make sure that she never find out. 

MC


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## shogun506 (12 Aug 2012)

Those are great ideas, thanks a lot. I've never been one for postcards before but the gift and postcard tactics will definitely help out with keeping her stress levels down, which means keeping me on task. Thanks guys


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## newwifey (13 Aug 2012)

Flowers and cards for no reason are always appreciated.

Technology advancements have come a long way.  Surely you'll have enough time to send good mornings, good nights and I love you's via text.  Skype is pretty awesome too.  And not too much time is expended. 

As for the "if you sleep with your course mates, make sure she never finds out"  She will find out....eventually.


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## Eye In The Sky (13 Aug 2012)

Simple one but important IMO...don't spend all of your phone time talking about 'course drama' or that shyte.  Your 'new life' is something she could feel very much NOT a part of.  Make  your phone time about her/'us', etc.  Seems simple but its easy to get over-immersed in 'course dram shyte'.

Make the time you do have to talk about "her" and "us" stuff, instead of talking about how much it sucks being apart, talk about what you are going to do when you are together.  Let her plan a trip/plan one together, or weekend away or something like that, that is in the future.


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