# COMING HOME, FINALLY !



## brave little soldier (12 Nov 2008)

:warstory:

That's it : HE is coming home... How should I greet him ? Never mind that macho crap... Just tell me : deep down, how would you like to be greeted ?

Thank you very much and a safe return to you all !


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## Bruce Monkhouse (12 Nov 2008)

Hire him a tutour.
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/81249.0.html


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## medaid (12 Nov 2008)

Um honestly?! Nice dinner, my other half in a very tiny, seductive little number. Then... It's lights out.


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## Lil_T (12 Nov 2008)

It'll be me and the kiddos picking him up at the airport. - His request is to go from there for pizza.  I think we'll be holding off on that til the jet lag wears off.  Can't see a 13+ hour flight ending in pizza.  A massive nap, sure, but not pizza.


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## the 48th regulator (13 Nov 2008)

brave little soldier said:
			
		

> :warstory:
> 
> That's it : HE is coming home... How should I greet him ? Never mind that macho crap... Just tell me : deep down, how would you like to be greeted ?
> 
> Thank you very much and a safe return to you all !



Auch,

Never mind polls, except the brass ones!


















And then let him sleep....







dileas

tess


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## Franko (13 Nov 2008)

Just you, a bit of food, maybe a cold beer...then sleep followed by a nice wake up call in the morning.

It works every time.

Regards


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## 1feral1 (13 Nov 2008)

BLS, not to sound too blue, but this ole Sarge will sum up what went on during my homecoming one warm autumn day in March of last year.

Its not always a cake walk perfect homecoming, and reality often delivers at times the complete opposite of what we thought it would be like. For some that come home, the real battle is only the beginning, as sadly some will end up like I did, adn some worse.

Firstly, I voted for the discreet reunion, but thats just me.

Back in March 2007, our arrival back in Australia was uneventful. We landed in Brisbane on a Strategic Air flight, we just looked like a group of 'short-hairs' that had been down to Sydney for the wknd, in civvies, the only give away was our desert day packs, and our kit bags. No one really had a clue where we had been the past 207 days. We were all very happy to be back in Australia, and in our minds had all those warm happy thoughts which were now, in front of us and reality.

Anyways, the new CO and RSM met us as we came off the ramp thingo, then down to the baggage area where I was met by a good mate (also a vet), and off home to the island I live on. At the airport though, no bands, no flags, or huge welcoming committee (unpopular wars don't generate such welcomes). At home, where my now Ex was, there was her, and her friend Sylvia. We had bangers and mash for my first meal, I swilled CC and ginger if I remember right, and stayed awake all night, shy of a doze on the sofa, then with a trip out to the beach, as the first thing I wanted was to watch the sun rise over the Coral Sea. I went alone, she was sleeping. I promised myself this 5 minute trip to Woorim Beach after a near miss on 21 December 2006.

Home was ueventful also, like an anti-climax, pretty quiet, but my cats were more happier to see me than my Ex. Six days later, she left. My so called best friend let me down when I needed her the most. To me, that loss was just as traumatic as some of the things I expereinced in Iraq, and even now I still feel betrayed and let down. Never again.

Aside from, the BS and the fallout over a totally dysfunctional decompression period, followed by a month in the field, a rather bitter and twisted separation followed by dividing of property, and buying her share out of the house - shock/horror - $267,000 (yes it was paid for, now back in the mortgage game and totally on my own), it was good to be home, or so I thought at the time. My crash and burn was coming. However I did pull through, but big life changes of which I am still adjusting to. I have pretty much adapted and moved on.

My advise, be attentive, but not overly. Listen, accept things if he is a bit distant, and have great communication. Give him his space, show some empathy, and be happy. Don't be negative or sarcastic. Accept he has changed even though he may appear the same at first. Do what he wants to do, and do things together too. Enjoy each other, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, be his best friend. A nice hot bath together, fav music, something to drink, and good conversation. Candles etc. Thats what I would have wanted, instead my whole world ended up imploding, and  I am still picking up the pieces, but just the tiny ones now, ha!

My Ex never really understood SFA about my time there, even with explosions in the background on a phone call one day, she still thought we were on a middle eastern vacation. She avoided the regular meetings with other spouses, and kept to herself, and her freakly bohemian lesbian friend. One time after a rather traumatic incident one night, I emailed the selected few of my closest and best friends, and I thought I'd share this with her too. That was a mistake, as I got nothing but a huge blast of shyte from her, claiming she did not apprecaite hearing such graphic and gruesome details, and that I should keep these thoughts and descriptions to myself, saying no one needs to hear that type of thing etc, etc. Here I thought I told the PG rated version at that, and was sharing something personal, which I had to get off my chest.

I never shared any personal times or details of some of the most hair raising times in my life with her after that. She was kept out of the loop after this, and i told her only what she wanted to hear.

It took me over a year to get involved in an ANZAC Day march, and this June the city of Brisbane had a huge parade for us Iraq War Vets, the largest homecoming parade since the end of WWII! I needed that, I think we all did. A good pat on the back, and it really felt good. I was ready for it finally. It had been 14 months.

Good luck with your homecoming BLS, and remember, life is too short.

OWDU


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## cobbler (13 Nov 2008)

Champagne, a nice meal, and a long sleep in in the morning with her in my arms.


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## brave little soldier (13 Nov 2008)

:-*

People, keep posting your replies ! I love hearing your comments and stories ! Greatly appreciated ! Thank you so much !


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## Fusaki (13 Nov 2008)

I voted for a discreet reunion. A beer, immediate family, and some love'n, not necessarily in that order.

As well, Overwatch Downunder is bang on. A couple other things I'd like to add or emphasize on:

Try not to ask too many questions. He'll open up when he wants to. Just _be there_ to listen.

Don't expect him be as emotionally intimate as when he left, despite the fact that he'll probably want to be sexually intimate right off the bat.

If he seems all mentally ****ed up, don't freak out. It's not uncommon for guys to not sleep right for the first while. Most of the time it fades with time. The last thing your other needs is to feel like he's being psychoanalyzed.  Nothing's more frustrating then for a guy to be home for a week, get pissed off about something, then for his wife to say "I think you have PTSD and you need to get help." In the media PTSD is the horror of the day and well intentioned wives become hyper vigilant for signs of it. The problem is that they're not educated in the difference between a CSR and PTSD. In my experience, 99% of guys suffer some form of CSR during the course of a combat tour. Only a fraction of that ever develops into PTSD. IMHO a big part of avoiding PTSD is understanding the difference between the two and _putting the normal process of decompression into perspective._

That's all I have for now...


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## Old Sweat (13 Nov 2008)

And don't forget he loves you and the kids.


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## brave little soldier (13 Nov 2008)

How would you like to be greated home ? 
Your immediate family, discreet reunion.  18 (78.3%) 
Family and friends, big surprise party.  1 (4.3%) 
Your loved one, champagne and chocolate.  2 (8.7%) 
The whole town.  0 (0%) 
I would rather not come back...  2 (8.7%) 

Wow ! Some of you actually wish you wouldn't have to come back...  :crybaby:

Actually, he is coming back from his 14th mission (going on 40 years of service) and we spent 3 weeks in Thailand in August... Not worried about any of the stuff you talk about... It's MY first mission but HE'S been there !

I am just wondering about ways to make this return THE one he remembers...


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## the 48th regulator (13 Nov 2008)

brave little soldier said:
			
		

> How would you like to be greated home ?
> Your immediate family, discreet reunion.  18 (78.3%)
> Family and friends, big surprise party.  1 (4.3%)
> Your loved one, champagne and chocolate.  2 (8.7%)
> ...




And you are asking our advice now on he would like his return??

Might I add my post again as a reminder.....

http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/81258/post-777680.html#msg777680

dileas

tess


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## brave little soldier (13 Nov 2008)

;D

tess

Okay okay... I've got some shopping to do... And I'll shave my legs before he comes back, I promise !


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## the 48th regulator (13 Nov 2008)

brave little soldier said:
			
		

> ;D
> 
> tess
> 
> Okay okay... I've got some shopping to do... And I'll shave my legs before he comes back, I promise !



Whew....finally!

Cough cough...don't stop at the legs... :-X


oy vey I am in trouble...

dileas

tess


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## George Wallace (13 Nov 2008)

brave little soldier said:
			
		

> Actually, he is coming back from his 14th mission (going on 40 years of service)


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## brave little soldier (13 Nov 2008)

;D

Watch your mouth... keyboard or Bruce will come and shot down this post... ???


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## the 48th regulator (13 Nov 2008)

brave little soldier said:
			
		

> ;D
> 
> Watch your mouth... keyboard or Bruce will come and shot down this post... ???



Then we must take this to PMs.....

dileas

tess


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## 1feral1 (14 Nov 2008)

Hey BLS, listen to this song, its something for some reason which makes sense to me, mainly the beginning words, and the scenes at the end. How we change, evolve, yet mainly fall pretty much back into place over time as square pegs in square holes.  I can identify with that.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=dnE4TB2ILEI

Time for another swim, its been a perfect evening  ;D

Regards,

Wes


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## brave little soldier (14 Nov 2008)

How we change, evolve, yet mainly fall pretty much back into place over time as square pegs in square holes.

Hello Wes,

Once again, very touching message... My thoughts are with you.


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## gaspasser (14 Nov 2008)

When I came home from Desert Storm, they tried the bells and whistles, all I wanted was to be in my honeys arms and see my boy (who had his first birthday while I was gone) I couldn't get out of there fast enough.  Coming home from Isreal was mostly uneventful even though we were there en masse from my base, rather ho-hum, and disappointing. Alert was a single thing coming into the airport and catchinga cab home. 
Coming home from Mirage, the base tried the big whoop-ti-do, all I could do was center on honey and get my bags and outta there.  A beer in freedom, a nice meal and just to be with the family was all I needed and wanted.  
9'er gave me 3 days then I had to straighten up and conform to HER routine. 
Do the poster and ribbon thing, welcome home honey and hugs, let him settle in and don't push.  It'll just push him away. Don't forget, he missed you too and wants touchy-feely, not so much the sex bit.

Welcome home BLS honey!!!  Enjoy your days off.


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## brave little soldier (20 Nov 2008)

Question: How would you like to be greated home ?   
Your immediate family, discreet reunion.  31 (58.5%) 
Family and friends, big surprise party.  6 (11.3%) 
Your loved one, champagne and chocolate.  7 (13.2%) 
The whole town.  4 (7.5%) 
I would rather not come back...  5 (9.4%) 

I would like to hear from the ones that would rather not come back... Ouch...


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## belka (22 Nov 2008)

brave little soldier said:
			
		

> I would like to hear from the ones that would rather not come back... Ouch...



Why is that even an option?


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## brave little soldier (22 Nov 2008)

I would rather not come back : Why is that even an option?

Well, believe it or not, 10% would rather not come back... Why ? They haven't said, and that is the reason why I want  them to elaborate on the subject... In the meantime, I am getting ready to pick up my husband so, talk to you in a few... days !


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## Mike Baker (22 Nov 2008)

Well, even if I'm not in right yet, I'll pipe up. I would just like my family and a few friends with me. Have a few beer, some food, and some time with those that I care most about.


Beaver


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## 1feral1 (22 Nov 2008)

brave little soldier said:
			
		

> I would rather not come back : Why is that even an option?
> 
> Well, believe it or not, 10% would rather not come back... Why ? They haven't said, and that is the reason why I want  them to elaborate on the subject... In the meantime, I am getting ready to pick up my husband so, talk to you in a few... days !



There was a time not after I got back, seen "Wesley's World" cave in, and I often thought I'd rather be back 'over there', where at least I had goals, direction and a purpose, and felt like I was in something real big, although just another grain of sand on the beach. I was there for my men, and to me the whole tour was about them, and if I made one laugh when the times were tough, or gave my support to a bloke who just got a 'Dear John' email, it makes it all worthwhile, doesn't it.

There were many times I though I'd rather be there than face what I was going through at home.

It really hit me hard when someone under my direct command 'lost it' and missed 3 months of work on 'stress leave'. I was not alone.

IMHO, those that do not want to come back are dealing with some issues which only those that have 'been' will understand.

OWDU


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## zipperhead_cop (27 Nov 2008)

Pretend it is March 14th for about a week.  That should square it away nicely.  
 ;D


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## Lil_T (27 Nov 2008)

why March 14th?


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## zipperhead_cop (28 Nov 2008)

Google the date with the word "men" added to it.  It should become apparent. 
I though everyone had this on their calander?    ;D


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## Lil_T (28 Nov 2008)

LOL!!!  Yeah that is definitely NOT the purpose of that day in my house as it's my birthday...  ;D


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## Another Mom (28 Nov 2008)

If a soldier is single and lives far away from mom/dad/sibs,  is it better for him to stay in his apt alone when he returns  (should parents visit him?) or come back to home  town to visit old friends & family? His choice of course, but what have you who have experienced this done?


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## zipperhead_cop (29 Nov 2008)

IMO, unless something exceptional has happened to the deployed member, they will be the same when they come back as when they left. 
To whit...
If they are private and like their space, they still will.  If they are really family oriented and like to have lots of people around, that is how they will lean.  
For my part, what I miss is the little day to day things, what other people might find mundane.  That is what I'm looking forward to when I get back.  Hell, I would love to go to Zehrs right now and pick up a few things, sample the keilbasa at the deli counter, mentally fight with myself to not buy Count Chocula.  Nothing really special, but familiar and homey.


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## Another Mom (29 Nov 2008)

Zipper... best wishes for ( all of you over there!) getting home safe and sound.


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## axeman (29 Nov 2008)

Just dont freak out if he gets up way before you . i got up early and just was looking at my wife all of a sudden she freaked out after hearing all the mefliquine horror stories , thought i was gonna knife her or something..


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## brave little soldier (1 Dec 2008)

For my part, what I miss is the little day to day things, what other people might find mundane.  

Well, THE MAN is back ! 

Not at all like I had envisioned, of course... That's another story...  Let's just say that we have spent hours in shopping malls and that the fridge is full of goodies... Can barely close the door... We are back to where we were just before his departure... as if he has never been away...


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