# Parental Leave for Adoption of Stepchild.



## Moxo (22 Sep 2015)

Does parental Leave work that way. My stepchild has lived with me for 10 years and still lives with me now. Her Mother recently passed away and at this time I have no Legal Custody. I am trying to get her Biological father to sign custody to me. If he does sign, would I be entitled to Parental Leave? I'm not doing this just for parental leave mind you. I just want to know if it would be an option. Being a single parent is difficult.. being a single parent in the military seems impossible. I just thought maybe this could give me some time to try and work things out so I don't have to VR.


----------



## dapaterson (22 Sep 2015)

QR&O 16.27 (http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/about-policies-standards-queens-regulations-orders-vol-01/ch-16.page#cha-016-27)

Key take-away: Up to 37 weeks of parental leave for adoption.

I'd recommend reading the article completely; identifying any questions, then finding the MATA/PATA clerk at your base and gettign them to brief you and then asking your questions.


----------



## Strike (22 Sep 2015)

And might I add, good on you for taking this step and looking into the leave options.  I'm sure it means more to that child that you are looking into this than you will ever know.


----------



## BinRat55 (22 Sep 2015)

Moxo said:
			
		

> Does parental Leave work that way. My stepchild has lived with me for 10 years and still lives with me now. Her Mother recently passed away and at this time I have no Legal Custody. I am trying to get her Biological father to sign custody to me. If he does sign, would I be entitled to Parental Leave? I'm not doing this just for parental leave mind you. I just want to know if it would be an option. Being a single parent is difficult.. being a single parent in the military seems impossible. I just thought maybe this could give me some time to try and work things out so I don't have to VR.



Be wary of wording though. You say your stepdaughter has been with you already for 10 years. Could be a slippery slope - maybe CAF will authorize the leave, but TB may not endorse your application for the 70% top-up (meaning you may not get paid) - all depends on what Canada accepts as reasonable.

As far as reasonable goes, you say as a single parent (my sincerest condolences for your loss) you may have to VR. Please allow me to point out that there are a great many soldiers here who are single parents and never had to release. That's a bit much I think. Tell us where you're having difficulty - you have a vast amount of experience here who really have "been there - done that" - Me for one!


----------



## Staff Weenie (22 Sep 2015)

Moxo - I don't know what Base/Wing you work at, but is also help to be found at the nearest Military Family Resource Centre.  They should have on staff a Family Liaison Officer, who is a Social Worker by professional, and who should be fully aware of the spectrum of services available through the CAF, and through local civilian providers.

There are resources out there, sometimes it just takes a bit of work to find them. Fell free to PM me any time, as I work for Director Casualty Support Management, and I can point you to the nearest resources in your area.


----------



## BinRat55 (22 Sep 2015)

Staff Weenie said:
			
		

> Moxo - I don't know what Base/Wing you work at, but is also help to be found at the nearest Military Family Resource Centre.  They should have on staff a Family Liaison Officer, who is a Social Worker by professional, and who should be fully aware of the spectrum of services available through the CAF, and through local civilian providers.
> 
> There are resources out there, sometimes it just takes a bit of work to find them. Fell free to PM me any time, as I work for Director Casualty Support Management, and I can point you to the nearest resources in your area.



See? This guy!! VAST amount of knowledge. It may take a village to raise an idiot, but it takes an Army to raise a soldier... or Navy to raise a plug... you know what I mean! We are here for you.


----------



## Moxo (23 Sep 2015)

BinRat55 said:
			
		

> As far as reasonable goes, you say as a single parent (my sincerest condolences for your loss) you may have to VR. Please allow me to point out that there are a great many soldiers here who are single parents and never had to release. That's a bit much I think. Tell us where you're having difficulty - you have a vast amount of experience here who really have "been there - done that" - Me for one!



I am aware that there are single parents in the military. I honestly don't know how they do it? I  do not see how I can do my Job (I am a sailor) and take care of my children. My nearest family is 4 hours away and cannot offer me any help. What would I do with my children if I need to go to sea, or if i got deployed for 6 months. As it stands now I am having trouble just getting them to school and being at work on time. So when I say that I might have to VR, It's because I don't believe I should stay in if I can no longer do the job I am paid to do. I know the question i was asking about parental leave might look Kind of greasy to some.. but I am really just considering ways that might buy me a little more time.


----------



## BinRat55 (23 Sep 2015)

Moxo said:
			
		

> I am aware that there are single parents in the military. I honestly don't know how they do it? I  do not see how I can do my Job (I am a sailor) and take care of my children. My nearest family is 4 hours away and cannot offer me any help. What would I do with my children if I need to go to sea, or if i got deployed for 6 months. As it stands now I am having trouble just getting them to school and being at work on time. So when I say that I might have to VR, It's because I don't believe I should stay in if I can no longer do the job I am paid to do. I know the question i was asking about parental leave might look Kind of greasy to some.. but I am really just considering ways that might buy me a little more time.



Again, be wary of wording... TB policies and the like are not put in place so people "can buy time"... It kinda comes across badly.

Are you a hard sea trade? Can you be employed dock-side? Your daughter is at least 10 and there is a biological parent in the picture (not sure of the dynamics there, but it is still an option for tours and lengthy deployments...) There are child-care givers who will bring children to school for you - my wife did it for years! Same with day-care facilities. Drop off at 0630H, they walk you child to the bus at 0715H. You are at work, sipping a coffee by 0700H. Options, just explore. Toss an ad on FB or Kijijji with your circumstances "I need a care-giver who will take my little princess at **AM and get her to school. Oh yeah - pick her up too please!! I will pay $$$. Let's talk..." You will be surprised how many people will respond. 

But don't try to bend, shape and mould policies to fit your agenda as a way around something. You are not at your "last resort" yet.


----------



## SeaKingTacco (23 Sep 2015)

Moxo,

First of all, I would like to offer condolences on your situation.

I would urge you not to give up so easily on the CF. if you have already done so, make your situation known to your Div PO and Div O. Ask for an interview with the CO, if you must. I have never known a CO that would not throw every available resource at a situation like yours, especially to prevent you from releasing.

The CF provides you a good stable career to help raise your children. It will not be easier outside the CF, working for industry, to organize your life. In fact- it may be harder.

The MFRC is a great resource. The PATA leave (if approved, and I cannot think why not, if you are adopting) gives you time to settle your life out and establish some support networks. As pointed out above, you may be able to get a compassionate posting ashore for a couple of years to reorganize your life.

Good luck.


----------



## mariomike (23 Sep 2015)

Moxo said:
			
		

> Being a single parent is difficult.. being a single parent in the military seems impossible.





			
				Moxo said:
			
		

> I am aware that there are single parents in the military. I honestly don't know how they do it?



Some discussion here,

Single Parenting in the CF  
https://army.ca/forums/threads/50191.0/nowap.html
4 pages.

Single Parents in the Military  
http://army.ca/forums/threads/50433.0;nowap

Single Parenthood  
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/105007.0/nowap.html



			
				Moxo said:
			
		

> What would I do with my children if I need to go to sea, or if i got deployed for 6 months.



Single fathers in Infantry trade... experiences, thoughts? 
http://army.ca/forums/threads/98758.0
( This is Army, but may have some things in common with single fathers in the Navy. )


----------



## Moxo (23 Sep 2015)

SeaKingTacco said:
			
		

> Moxo,
> 
> First of all, I would like to offer condolences on your situation.
> 
> ...



No I have certainly not given up. I know I would have issues balancing life/work in the civy world. I do want to find a way to make it work, and if money wasn't an issue I would simply hire someone to look after my children while I was away. My CoC is aware of my situation. I have had discussions with my Div O, but in the end it is up to me to figure out a way to make everything work. 

Wether or not I get to take parental leave is not going to affect my decision to adopt my step daughter. It is what we both want. I simply wanted to know if Parental leave would even be an option I'm my case. I know to some it seems like I'm trying to twist or bend rules and policies. But I was just asking a question. I thought I'd ask here before making an appointent with the mata/pata clerk.


----------



## Pusser (23 Sep 2015)

As others have already said, many condolences for your loss.

In the short term, you should certainly be able to get some compassionate leave in order to try and sort some details.  Another option to consider is a compassionate posting.  This would see you posted to a static shore position for a number of years in order to put plans in place.  There are career implications (cannot be promoted while on a compassionate posting), but it does provide some stability as you cannot be deployed either.  A compassionate posting also does not necessarily have to be within your trade.

Engage your divisional system.  It is there to help you and in my 30+ years in the Navy, I have never met a CO/XO/COXN, etc who would not bend over backwards in a case like this.

Good luck and hang in there.


----------



## mariomike (23 Sep 2015)

Moxo said:
			
		

> I thought I'd ask here before making an appointent with the mata/pata clerk.



In case you have not already read it, you may find this discussion of interest,

All Things MATA/PATA (merged)
http://army.ca/forums/threads/39902.150
7 pages.


----------

