# Need help making critical decision



## Lazarus** (29 Oct 2009)

My wife and I along with the rest of the world are suffering from this economy. I just recently got "pink slipped" from my job and I am not bringing any money with the paycheque from the reserves. My wife works fulltime but with her pay, we cant survive, so we're literally having to ration our food, making sure our one year old daughter is well fed and has everything she needs. (and on top of that have to pay bills etc etc)

I feel useless in the fact that I cant provide for my family. Going fulltime soldier has its advantages and disadvantages. 

And I have extensively talked these over with my spouse given our current situation. Her argument is that she never wanted to be the "Army Wife", and only getting to see me 2 days out of the month or 2 weeks out of the whole year is impossible for her to handle, especially when we have a kid so young as ours. I've constantly told her that thats what she was to expect when she married me. But I know that there are many other couples who have gone through this before and have made it work, so I ask for your help.

I already have given her a deadline date so she can make up her mind, otherwise I'm going to sign my CT papers and go fulltime. 

Am I doing the right thing?


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## Occam (29 Oct 2009)

Why not Air Force?  You'd tend to be home a lot more often.


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## PMedMoe (29 Oct 2009)

Are you doing the right thing?  That's really up to you.  I will tell you, most people don't like being given an "ultimatum".

You should try to reassure your wife that she will see you more than two days a month or two weeks a year, but I guess that also depends on what trade and element you are going.

In reality, unless you are going on trades training, pre-deployment training, are posted to an active ship or go in a trade that gets loads of TD, you will be home on a regular basis.

As a matter of fact, some spouses I know, got to the point where they were so used to their other half being away, that when they were home for long periods of time they always asked "So, when are you going away again?"   

Many people have gone through this and _most_ relationships have survived.  If not, maybe it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

In the end, it's a decision only you and your wife can make.


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## aesop081 (29 Oct 2009)

Occam said:
			
		

> Why not Air Force?  You'd tend to be home a lot more often.



 :rofl:

Yeah, right......


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## Occam (29 Oct 2009)

What percentage of the Air Force PML is AES Op, again?   ;D


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## Loachman (29 Oct 2009)

Occam said:
			
		

> Why not Air Force?  You'd tend to be home a lot more often.



Don't count on that. There are plenty of variables.


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## aesop081 (29 Oct 2009)

Occam said:
			
		

> What percentage of the Air Force PML is AES Op, again?   ;D



If i am not home then there are several pilots, ACSO, flight engineers, AVN techs and AVS techs who are also deployed. And thats just the community i fly in. I've been around the rest of the air force to know enough about the MSS deployments to CM, the transport crews OP TEMPO and the frequency i see the QRA being deployed to various locations to know its not just me that is away all the time.

What do you do again ?


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## Occam (29 Oct 2009)

Out of the three elements, the Air Force is least likely to not be going home at 1600 (or at the end of their shift).

Yes, there are Aurora crews that deploy for short-term trips.  Yes, there are transport crews that deploy, again for short term trips.  Yes, there are Helairdets that deploy when the ships go out, but the vast majority of them work in a hangar during a flying day.

It all pales in comparison to Navy types who can count on as many as 180 days/yr at sea when posted to ship (and sometimes more) for 50% of their career (give or take).  Or to Army types who, for the last 7-8 years, have been looking forward to spending over 9 months away everytime their unit comes up for a Roto, not counting all the other stuff Army types do when they're not deployed to the sandbox.


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## Lazarus** (29 Oct 2009)

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> You should try to reassure your wife that she will see you more than two days a month or two weeks a year, but I guess that also depends on what trade and element you are going.
> 
> In reality, unless you are going on trades training, pre-deployment training, are posted to an active ship or go in a trade that gets loads of TD, you will be home on a regular basis.



I have tried to reassure her about me being home more then a week out of the year, and I'm planing/wanting to go infantry. And I know they spend alot of time away from home. We are still talking it out and figuring things out.

Hopefully it doesnt get to a point where a decision was made out of a "spur of the moment" type of thing.


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## Bruce Monkhouse (29 Oct 2009)

Lazarus** said:
			
		

> making sure our one year old daughter is well fed and has everything she needs.



Call me old-fashioned, but more than anything, a Child needs parents on the same page...........................


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## Loachman (30 Oct 2009)

Occam said:
			
		

> Out of the three elements, the Air Force is least likely to not be going home at 1600 (or at the end of their shift).



As my aircrew friend asked, "What do you do again?"

Of the last two years, I was away for half of that total period, varying from one week to seven months.

Tac Hel rotos are now nine months, plus the workups.

Most of my Squadronmates will be spending about 2.5 months in Vancouver early next near. I'm exempt due to my recent return from tour, but will go for the first half of that anyway. If all works out according to my little plan, I'll start workups for my second deployment to KAF in the autumn of next year, and none of that will be at home.

So piss off.


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## FastEddy (30 Oct 2009)

Lazarus** said:
			
		

> I have tried to reassure her about me being home more then a week out of the year, and I'm planing/wanting to go infantry. And I know they spend alot of time away from home. We are still talking it out and figuring things out.
> 
> Hopefully it doesnt get to a point where a decision was made out of a "spur of the moment" type of thing.



To start, what did you do on Civy Street and why your choice of the Infantry.

Cheers.


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## armychick2009 (30 Oct 2009)

Why don't you pick a trade that is less-likely to go overseas regularly? Infantry is um, pretty likely to go over on a regular basis.  (though, all trades could theoretically go overseas so, keep that in mind)

I'm not saying any one trade is more likely to go over than the other... but - as a 'wife' of a soldier (and soon to be a soldier herself) my husband was home 80% of the time, at the very least. Actually, out of six years, he was only gone for a 6.5 month deployment and probably about four months of training or taskings and most of that happened at a field unit over a period of 3 years. So, let's say... out of 72 months of being in our relationship, he was gone for 10 months .... MAX. And, he's a medic which is a 'hot trade'... so even with the shortage, he was around most of the time. 

If your wife can't handle being alone (and, some wives can't -- nothing wrong with that) then - you need to discuss with her whether the relationship is worth the career. 

Option A - You stay together and you're gone a lot the first year and then likely not deployed for another two or three years after that depending on how much training you are needing for your trade. 

Option B - You separate, join full time and you end up paying for your living expenses plus child and spousal separation payments each month. You'll probably end up screwed and even poorer than you are now. 

Option C - You get a job outside of the army. 

Option D - Take back your ultimatium (which believe me, pisses off women a lot), calmly discuss the situation, bring your wife to the recruiting centre and discuss the options with the recruiter including the types of jobs available, the likelyhood of deployments/long-term training and then make the decision together.  Ahhh yes, works much better than ultimatiums


Besides, infantry is full for the year, isn't it? So, you will have to wait until minimum April. I'd go to the centre, see what's available immediately -- is it something you want -- and go from there. 

Is a career in the forces worth your relationship? You guys need to sort that out. We can't tell you if it's the right choice or not. That one is your cross to bear!


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## Occam (30 Oct 2009)

Loachman said:
			
		

> As my aircrew friend asked, "What do you do again?"
> 
> Of the last two years, I was away for half of that total period, varying from one week to seven months.
> 
> ...



<sigh>

Some people really do need to read more closely.  I don't recall stating that every single person in the Air Force heads home at the 1600 whistle.  I said that Air Force types would *tend** to be home more often than their Army and Navy counterparts.  If you don't fit into that category, then you're in the minority - I didn't dismiss your existence.  Please direct your frustration elsewhere.

*tend - to exhibit an inclination or tendency


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## Gramps (30 Oct 2009)

Occam said:
			
		

> <sigh>
> 
> Some people really do need to read more closely.  I don't recall stating that every single person in the Air Force heads home at the 1600 whistle.  I said that Air Force types would *tend** to be home more often than their Army and Navy counterparts.  If you don't fit into that category, then you're in the minority - I didn't dismiss your existence.  Please direct your frustration elsewhere.
> 
> *tend - to exhibit an inclination or tendency




You just have no clue about what you are talking of here.


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## Occam (31 Oct 2009)

Gramps said:
			
		

> You just have no clue about what you are talking of here.



Oh?  How about you explain your position, instead of just claiming I don't have a clue.  I think I've picked up a few things in 25 years.


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## Gramps (31 Oct 2009)

I do not have to explain myself to anyone here but if it makes you feel better then ok. I could find you approximately 150+ members of one Squadron I know of who would immediately disagree with you in a heartbeat, unfortunately the vast majority of them are deployed right now. Not only the MSS as already mentioned but also many other groups as well. How about the ones in Afghanistan, CM, TATs, TAVs,TLD, The groups deployed for the roto flights, and more. I used to work 12 hour shifts and since I got my day job I put in even more hours now. In the last three years I(along with many coworkers) have spent over half of that time away. In the last 9 years I personally have worked in 14 countries and completed two tours overseas, I am not in a flying Sqn either. To say that the Air Force is more likely to make it homeby 1600 or less likely to go away is misleading. I spent most of my time in an Army uniform and never deployed like I have with the Air Force.


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## aesop081 (31 Oct 2009)

Occam said:
			
		

> I think I've picked up a few things in 25 years.



Yeah and i picked up a few in 17 years, 11 of which were in the combat arms. I have a pretty good idea of the tempo in both.


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## Fishbone Jones (31 Oct 2009)

......and that's a wrap.

To the OP. You have a hard decision ahead that only you can make. Follow your heart. It's usually right.

Locked

Milnet.ca Staff


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