# My parents say no



## Khaalid (6 Feb 2013)

After high-school i plan to go to university and study to become a nurse and join the army as an officer. I told my parents my plans, and they said no. I figured when I turn 18, i can do it anyways, without their permission. But it would mean a lot to me if they would allow me to do it. Did anyone else have this problem? what do I do? what do I tell them? 

Im going to do it anyways; but it would give me a good piece of mind knowing their with me on my decision.


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## pretentious (6 Feb 2013)

They will never understand. You have a long journey ahead of you, focus on school! 
There is the paid education route, ROTP or CivUprogram, just wait until you're 18 to apply to that and in the mean time exercise, volunteer and work a job while your parents feed and house you


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## BeyondTheNow (6 Feb 2013)

You'll find you're not alone in this situation, so I hope you feel better once you learn of some of the experiences of others. Below are a couple of relevant threads to help you get started. Good luck, and I hope they come around.  There can be many negative reactions towards a career in the Military, but I feel it's mainly because the individuals don't have a thorough understanding of what one can gain in terms of overall growth, finances, advancement opportunities and the like.

http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/13678.0.html

http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/96141.0.html


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## Oscar590 (6 Feb 2013)

At the end of the day it is YOUR life.


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## ProtectAndServe (7 Feb 2013)

Lean-N-Supreme said:
			
		

> At the end of the day it is YOUR life.



Yes, just like all the teens made adult at the age of 18 please remember that you'll most likely be living in YOUR parents house. 

On the other hand your parents should understand this is something you want to do with your life, they should help you meet your goals instead of saying no.

I recommend bringing information to the table and having a discussion as I did about the opportunity the Forces would bring to your life. Also you can even take them with you to a recruiting centre and have a staff member sit down with you and your parents discussing the pros and cons of joining up.

Good luck.


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## FJAG (7 Feb 2013)

Why are they saying no?

Your career path is to be a nurse. That's not exactly airborne killer from the sky. Nursing is the same honourable caring profession regardless of whether its in the military or on the civilian side.

I always look to see what it is that motivates the other person before I make a plan for how to negotiate with (or try to persuade) that person.

At the end of the day these folks are your parents and even though its your life, its a little early on for you to burn bridges needlessly. Try to find out what their viewpoints are and why they hold them and then come back for some more advice.

 :2c:


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## X Royal (7 Feb 2013)

I may be wrong but going by the original posters name there could possibly be cultural reasons the parents are against a military career. 
At times old beliefs can be slow to change.
Good luck in the future.


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## Noctis (7 Feb 2013)

Your parents are real *******s if they don't approve of you being a nurse in the military. That's likely one of the most honorable things one can do with their life.
Do what you want to do with your life; you don't need ANYONE'S approval (well, legally only once you hit 18)

Good luck, live strong, live the way you want to live!


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## Conz (7 Feb 2013)

Maybe this can aid you when you decide to sit down with them and discuss why applying to the Forces as a nurse is important to you:

http://forces.ca/en/parents/home-133


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## xo31@711ret (7 Feb 2013)

I heard this many times from some comrades; some of my own relatives & friends felt the same when I joined in 82. I started out in the infantry & went medic after 6 years. After a couple years those friends & relatives realized that we are not the 'baby killers' as portrayed in some old hollywood military bashing movie. After explaining what we did-do, those same friends & relatives realize it was the best thing I did - some wished they had joined when I did. After 28 years,  I can honestly say it was the best thing I did was joining in 82. 'Cause gawd only knows where I'd be if I didn't sign that dotted line back in 82...


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## Bzzliteyr (7 Feb 2013)

One time, twenty years ago.. I joined the regular forces.  My father was NOT impressed as he was a university art teacher and grew up as a military brat.  He hated that I decided to join instead of getting an inexpensive ride (through him) to university.

14 years later, while in Afghanistan my father started his downward spiral in his battle with cancer.  He did not approve that I was overseas (for the third time) and was hoping to repatriate me.  I started my flight back and I truly believe he thought I was coming home for good... and passed away.  Until the last possible minute he tried to protect me.  That's what parents do.  

Let them understand that it is perfectly normal but maybe explain your passions and why you want to join the military.  Be tactful and yes, at 18 you can make your own decisions.  As someone said, do what makes YOU happy..I did, and here I sit 20 years later, proud of what I have done.


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## Conz (7 Feb 2013)

When I first filed my application for the CF, my girlfriend was not impressed and did not approve (although she knew that was my aspiration all along). It wasn't until she met my uncle, a US Navy Retiree, that my perseverance was put into perspective for her. My uncle asked her, "Is there anything in your life that you've always been passionate about?" She replied with a yes, regarding her passion for art. "Well," he said,"imagine someone taking that one thing away from you and telling you that you can never do it again." It wasn't until that conversation that she began to full support my decision. I hope this helps.


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## Precept (8 Feb 2013)

My parents were dead against it when I told them my plans too. They said "No". I didn't listen to them, and went about the process of joining on my own. Once they saw I was serious about it and going through with it, they began to come around. They didn't have much choice. I've been in for two years and they are both proud of me.

It's your life. You don't need their permission.


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## krimynal (8 Feb 2013)

My dad was always against it ( still is ) wants be to join the family company .  

I wanted to join the military , to make something great of my life , have the luxury of waking up every morning , being proud of who I am

Yesterday I was watching Chicago Fire , the dad quote this which I find amazing

"Disappoint anyone , Hell disappoint Everyone , but don't ever disappoint yourself" ....

Always remember that at the end of the day , you will wake up every morning and you will go to sleep everynight , living the life you decided .... so , if the military is what you want , then go ahead and jump on it !!!


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## Khaalid (8 Feb 2013)

thank you guys for your advice, but I still have a long journey, and a lot of studying to do before i can get in


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## a_majoor (8 Feb 2013)

While at the end of the day it is your descision, try to do it in such a way that you don't burn your bridges behind you. I applaude your career choice, but the military "family" can only be a substitute and not a replacement for your real family. (If it i_s_ a replacement, then my consolation for having to flee from a dysfunctional family).

Have your parents come and talk to the recruiter, or show them the website, or (perhaps best) have a trusted friend who is already in speak to them one on one. Don't do a hard sell, that is only annoying.

Best of luck


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## Khaalid (9 Feb 2013)

speaking of family, how are you supposed to have one when your in the army? what if you wife has a job in this city, and now you have to move to another city, she'll just keep switching jobs, and the kids will keep switching schools...? can someone explain this to me as well, im confused about this part, thank you


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## Tank Troll (9 Feb 2013)

Khaalid said:
			
		

> speaking of family, how are you supposed to have one when your in the army? what if you wife has a job in this city, and now you have to move to another city, she'll just keep switching jobs, and the kids will keep switching schools...? can someone explain this to me as well, I'm confused about this part, thank you



What is to be confused about? You hit it right on the head " she'll just keep switching jobs, and the kids will keep switching schools"

 :dunno:


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## Pandora114 (9 Feb 2013)

Yup,  military wives and kids just suck it up, and switch jobs and the kids just switch schools when we get posted.  It's just part of life.   We deal with it, we make it a huge road trip when we get posted, do the tourist thing...it's fun.  Kids look forward to meeting new friends at new schools, and in this day and age with the internet, kids can *still* keep in contact with their friends with ease, vs when *I* was a base brat and relied on letters and stamps and losing the snail mail addies during moves and whatnot.


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## Khaalid (9 Feb 2013)

so is it not possible to stay in one place?


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## Pandora114 (9 Feb 2013)

no


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## Khaalid (9 Feb 2013)

damn thats a hard life, how often do you get moved around?


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## Pandora114 (9 Feb 2013)

Depends on your trade, and your career manager.  

We've been moved around on average every 4 years or so, thing is my husband went through a few trades.  First he was a Supply Tech, then he remustered (changed trades) to Avionics Systems Tech (AVS Tech) so we had to get moved to Borden, then to his first real posting as an AVS, Comox. Then he remustered to AESOP and then we got posted to where we are now.  Been married for about 8 years...

Every trade and career manager is different, so your mileage may vary.

It's not that bad.  Find a good partner that's able to deal with the BS and you're all good.  (and deployments...and stuff) Me, I was a base brat, and now a military wife, and soon to be reservist *knocks on wood*  It's the life I've always known and I wouldn't trade it for the world.


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## SeaKingTacco (9 Feb 2013)

Khaalid said:
			
		

> damn thats a hard life, how often do you get moved around?



There is no easy way to answer that, given the wide variety of occupations and ranks in the CF.

Figure on moving every 2-5 years.


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## Khaalid (10 Feb 2013)

i can't see myself moving form house to house though, sometimes i give it second thought because what if my wife's career is in edmonton, then we get moved, she'd have to find a new job every time. and if i got kids they'd have to switch schools every time we had to move. 
why can't they allow you to stay where you want to stay? 
why do you need to go live all over the country?


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## SeaKingTacco (10 Feb 2013)

Khaalid said:
			
		

> i can't see myself moving form house to house though, sometimes i give it second thought because what if my wife's career is in edmonton, then we get moved, she'd have to find a new job every time. and if i got kids they'd have to switch schools every time we had to move.
> why can't they allow you to stay where you want to stay?
> why do you need to go live all over the country?



Life in the CF is probably not for you, then.  Which is fine- it is not everyone's cup of tea.


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## mad dog 2020 (10 Feb 2013)

Well maybe good news or bad news.
The Military has been informed that moving people so often is costing alot and it would be a cost saving concept to try and restrict so much movement. However operational requirements will still dictate postings. But if you didn't want to move it could be a factor. Every career mangler is different.  And your CO/CWO will have some input.
This being said I did my 20 plus and retired. As a family we moved a couple times and the kids got to experience change. not to mention a posting after I got out for my civie career.
If you look around there are some famous people who were army brats and learned to adapt.  Jim Morrison was an Admirals son, not the best example.  
If I had a buck for every person who says they regret not doing a basic engagement for the life experience.  Or the guy that says he was signed up and didn't go because of a girl friend (95% never married that girl).
As stated you are under your parents roof and must or should be respectful and benevolent.  Maybe join the local medical reserve unit and gain experience, earn some coin and lastly wean them onto the idea.  
Good luck, oddly enough both my kids joined the military. One  because he was always impressed with the quality of my old army buddies the stories of misadventures and to this day visits one on a regular basis near his base. Like a second family.


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## SeaKingTacco (10 Feb 2013)

Khaalid-

Maddog made a good point that I forgot- if you wish to join the CF, but never have to move, join a Reserve unit.

Your local recruiting office can give information on units in your area.


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## skyhigh10 (10 Feb 2013)

Read "A Soldier First" by Retired Gen. Rick Hillier. I personally did not realize how much "moving around" actually takes place throughout ones career. Buy a house...sell it. Buy a house...sell it. Buy a house... sell it.  Was a great read none the less.


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## Khaalid (10 Feb 2013)

SeaKingTacco said:
			
		

> Khaalid-
> 
> Maddog made a good point that I forgot- if you wish to join the CF, but never have to move, join a Reserve unit.
> 
> Your local recruiting office can give information on units in your area.



would i still be able to use this for my career? If i did ROTP, i could join the reserve unit after schooling? And there would be no/ or little moving? right now im in grade 11, so i cant do it now.


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## BeyondTheNow (10 Feb 2013)

Khaalid said:
			
		

> i can't see myself moving form house to house though, sometimes i give it second thought because what if my wife's career is in edmonton, then we get moved, she'd have to find a new job every time. and if i got kids they'd have to switch schools every time we had to move.
> why can't they allow you to stay where you want to stay?
> why do you need to go live all over the country?



Are you open to enrolling before you get married or is finding a wife and starting a family a higher priority?  I'm asking because you could very well enjoy what you're doing and beginning a family could be put on the back-burner anyway.  For the record, I see no problem in wanting to be settled in a specific area for a long period of time and wanting to stay close to family/start a family.  I'm just not clear if you had weighed your dilemma of having a wife and kids vs.  feasibility of life in the CF, or simply life in the CF vs. what your parents think.


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## Khaalid (10 Feb 2013)

well i will do what career path i want to do, i just want my parents support. But having a family is very important to me too


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## Khaalid (10 Feb 2013)

having a family is a higher priority for me, if join the CF will make it harder, I would have to rethink my decisions. But if what they said earlier that i can join the reserves as a nurse officer and stay put in one place with my family, I could also do that as another option


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## Pandora114 (10 Feb 2013)

Doesn't stop you from having a family.  It just means the person you pick as your partner has to be 1: Flexible 2: Sacrificing 3: can grasp the military life.  

That's all.  Kids are adaptable, they like meeting new friends.


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## Khaalid (10 Feb 2013)

but i could still join the reserves as a nurse officer? with the ROTP?


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## Pandora114 (10 Feb 2013)

That, I don't know.

I do know that it's best for you to join FIRST, then get a wife/partner/family.  It's just easier for the wife to deal with if your'e already in.  That, and, if your kids are born into the Military life, they won't know anything different.

It's also nice to have a career on solid footing before starting all that family stuff anyway.  That way you're more able to financially support the wife/kids when they come along.


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## jwtg (10 Feb 2013)

Khaalid said:
			
		

> but i could still join the reserves as a nurse officer? with the ROTP?


No. ROTP is Regular Officer Training Plan.  It is a program for producing officers for the Reg Force, not the reserves.  

I have no idea how you become a reserve Nursing Officer.  Talk to your recruiting center.


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## jwtg (10 Feb 2013)

Pandora114 said:
			
		

> That, I don't know.
> 
> *I do know* that it's best for you to join FIRST, then get a wife/partner/family.  It's just easier for the wife to deal with if your'e already in.  That, and, if your kids are born into the Military life, they won't know anything different.
> 
> It's also nice to have a career on solid footing before starting all that family stuff anyway.  That way you're more able to financially support the wife/kids when they come along.


I would argue that you don't know that, but that it's your opinion and not verifiable.  
How could you possibly know what the best combination of having a family and a military career are?  Plenty of people are married when they join, some even with kids, and many of them get along fine.  Many more are single and start families later on.

I'm not disputing your experience or your own perception; I'm just saying that you can't possibly state that your own perception or experience constitutes fact, or something that you can know for certain, especially when dealing with something as personal as a family.


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## Pandora114 (10 Feb 2013)

jwtg said:
			
		

> I would argue that you don't know that, but that it's your opinion and not verifiable.
> How could you possibly know what the best combination of having a family and a military career are?  Plenty of people are married when they join, some even with kids, and many of them get along fine.  Many more are single and start families later on.
> 
> I'm not disputing your experience or your own perception; I'm just saying that you can't possibly state that your own perception or experience constitutes fact, or something that you can know for certain, especially when dealing with something as personal as a family.



I personally think it's best for someone to have a career established and under their belt before starting a family.  That's just me.  Just the whole financial security thing ya know?


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## NavyHopeful (14 Feb 2013)

Khaalid,

Firstly, you should sit down with your parents, and discuss openly about why you would want to join the CF, and they can discuss their fears/wishes/etc. with you.  There are a good number of resources to bring to the table in this discussion.  The CF website (forces.ca) has some information on the trade you wish to choose, what life in the CF is like, what BMQ/BMOQ is like for new recruits, having a family in the CF, and so on, and I strongly suggest that you do as much research on the topic as you can, before sitting down with your parents to discuss it.  When compiling your information, try to see their side of the argument, and have suggestions and ideas to counter those arguments.  If you choose to go the path of ROTP, I know that your recruiter would have some information on your choices.  I'm not an officer, so I don't have any information on the actual path that ROTP candidates take.

Secondly, once you and your parents have had a proper discussion about both the pros and the cons of both sides of the argument, you will need to make your decisions about your life for yourself.  When I joined, I had the support of my wife and a few family members, but I knew that some others in my family, as well as a lot of my friends, did not think I could complete basic training.  Although I had suffered a few setbacks (injuries and the like), I managed to graduate from BMQ.  By that point, my friends had come around, and I had the full support of my family.  they had realised that this was something that I was extremely passionate about, and that I wasn't going to give up and roll over, just because I found it slightly harder than other people have.

As a previous poster has mentioned, it may be due to a cultural reason that your parents have abstained from supporting your decision.  And that's honestly ok.  I CAN tell you that, for the short period of time I have in the forces, I have seen many people from different walks of life and different cultural backgrounds be welcomed into the CF with open arms.  There is a lot of understanding and comraderie from everyone in the Forces regarding a thorough mix of Canadians and their mixed heritages, and that really makes me proud to be CF.  And another previous poster from this or another thread had made a comment similar to "I don't care who they are, as long as they can do their job."  You will see this attitude in the CF a lot.  With the amount of multiculturalism that exists in Canada, the CF is essentially an example of a good cross-section of the Canadian population.  I know for a fact that if you have specific religious requirements, the CF is good to try and accomodate you in these matters.  Our padres are religion-specific, but are also trained to be inter-faith, so it doesn't matter if you are, for example, Roman Catholic and need to talk to a padre, the Anglican or Jewish padre can still help you.  I have found that we have such a diversity and an understanding to our member's needs, that it is rare to find people falling through the cracks.  Also, the CF has a no-tolerance policy when it comes to different kinds of harrassment or prejudice amongst members, and there are safeguards to prevent much of this from happening.

Lastly, whether or not you and your parents can come to an agreement or if you end up at an impasse, the only advice that I can give you is that you know what to expect, and that you know that this is something that you really want to do.  If you have the passion for this career choice, and your parents see that, it may help to sway them to, at the very least, to accept your choices.  Not everyone can handle being in the CF, but for the few that manage to accept the challenge, it can be a very rewarding one.

Good luck, and hope to see some encouraging updates.

Rev


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