# Getting a lot of "I don't know's"



## fielder (16 Sep 2006)

My boyfriend left for bmq about seven weeks ago.  He still hasn't gotten paid, still hasn't gotten a weekend off and I'm still getting a lot of I don't know's about where we're goig to live and when we're going to see each other.  My patience is, unfortuanately wearing thin.... I know that's horrible.  I'm wondering how other people deal with all the stress...... of not getting to talk to them for a week and not getting to know when you can visit them. For the navy, where would the possible postings be after bmq? So I can start to plan a move if planning is possible?


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## HItorMiss (16 Sep 2006)

Oh my god 7 weeks......... what ever will you do  :

You know there are wives on here that go 3-6 months without seeing their spouse and only hearing from them maybe once a month for 5  mins...I suggest you get used to it.
As for moving you wont be going anywhere for a year at least plus your Boyfriend isn't entitles=d to move you unless your married or common law married (he can pay for it out of his own pocket though) Pay is a serious Issue and should be brought up to his course staff ASAP.

*EDIT for spelling etc etc*


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## Sub_Guy (16 Sep 2006)

7 weeks.... No Pay?   No weekend off?  something is fishy there........................... very fishy.......... Call Columbo


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## Shadow Cat (16 Sep 2006)

I think that it is a little fishy to.

For us when my DH was away on training last year he had a pay within four weeks and had his first weekend off at five and everyone after that one, granted it could have been taken away with no notice but it never did.

Have to agree about the move.  If you are not married and/or common-law you will have to pay for the move yourself and you may as well wait for awhile.  After his BMQ he will be posted somewhere only temprarily where he will do his QL3's (trade training) and he may also have some PAT in there as well.  Once he is done his QL3 he will get his actual posting and from there that is where you will want to move to.  

For me it took us 9 months to be reunited but I have some friends whos spouses were with my DH at BMQ that are still seperated and wont be reunited until Dec 2006 which will bring their total seperation time to 20 months.  It is not easy but this is the way of the life.  They are away and they are home and then they are away again.  You do get used to it and it does get easier with time but not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle.

If you are looking for some support from others that have been there and are doing it there are a few support sites out there for us military spouses.  PM me and I will tell you about a few of them.


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## Franko (16 Sep 2006)

No pay after 7 weeks on course?

Something is defiantly wrong on that issue, he should get that looked into right away.

As for weekends off....it's BMQ. He and the rest of the course have to EARN time off. Obviously they aren't performing up to the staff's expectations.

He'll get time off when they smarten up and get with the program.

As for where you are going to live after the course is done, one step at a time. 

He has to pass the course first....there is a possibility for pers that fail to either repeat portions of the course (being held back) or even being punted from the CF (extreme situation)

From there he will under go further training and upon completion, be posted to a base.

7 weeks completed out of 13 (correct me if I'm wrong) and further SQ / DP1 training as well....it adds up to at least after Christmas.

Patience is a virtue. He will call more often as the course continues.

Now a bigger question:

When he deploys with his ship on operations for a few months and you are out of contact for weeks at a time....what will you do?

On my last deployment I could only call my wife about once every 3 weeks for about 10 minutes at the most.

I suggest that you get used to it now. Being a military spouse isn't easy.

My $0.02 worth

Regards


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## Milwife (16 Sep 2006)

I can't comment on the pay issue but I can tell you that it is not easy and you need to have a lot patience being a military spouse. You deal with the stress by talking to friends, family and your BF. One thing I can advise is be completely honest with him about your feelings and concerns otherwise you may not last together.

Keep busy with anything you can and stay strong.


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## Gunner (16 Sep 2006)

Fielder are you common law with this fellow or are a just a girlfriend?


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## fielder (16 Sep 2006)

We actually filed for common law with the military before he left.
I'm not too worried about expenses for moving, it's a matter of me being in school and needing to be near him.


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## Gunner (16 Sep 2006)

Ok,

Intermittent contact is not surprising as the guy is busy and probably working harder than he ever has in his life.  Hopefully he will begin to use some of his free time to better use (although, to be fair, there may be 30 other guys all trying to use a phone...)  Not being paid for 7 weeks, etc is somewhat questionable, but it may happen.  My concern was if you were expecting some money to come your way for expenses, etc, and were in hardship, there are various courses of action that you could take to make sure he sends you money to cover the bills.  As he is just on basic training, he probably doesn't know where he will be posted to.  Even something as simple as an infantryman, he could go to:

PPCLI - Edmonton or Shilo
RCR - Petawawa or Gagetown
Vandoo - Valcartier

Try and be supportive when he calls.  Make plans to continue your schooling where you are located now.  He will be in the training system for awhile and you can keep moving ahead with your own life so you can contribute to yours as a couple. 

Cheers,


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## rmacqueen (16 Sep 2006)

Gunner said:
			
		

> As he is just on basic training, he probably doesn't know where he will be posted to.  Even something as simple as an infantryman, he could go to:
> 
> PPCLI - Edmonton or Shilo
> RCR - Petawawa or Gagetown
> ...



fielder did comment in her original post that he was Navy.  That being the case, and assuming he is an actual Naval trade and not RMS or something with a Navy uniform, his postings are narrowed down to Esquimalt or Halifax initially.  But, like everyone else has pointed out, it could be quite awhile until you can join him.  There are a lot of variables that come into play and even when he finishes his BMQ he will only know where he goes next not what the long term is.


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## Gunner (16 Sep 2006)

> fielder did comment in her original post that he was Navy.



Thanks rmacqueen, I didn't see that.  I reiterate my comment - until he is finished his training and actually posted, focus on furthering yourself.


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## rmacqueen (16 Sep 2006)

Gunner said:
			
		

> Thanks rmacqueen, I didn't see that.  I reiterate my comment - until he is finished his training and actually posted, focus on furthering yourself.


+1


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## Suebu (4 Oct 2006)

No pay in 7 weeks....sounds like administration got some information wrong...probably got his bank account numbers wrong during data in put.....but why did he wait for 7 weeks???? hell I would have been on their asses after the 2nd pay period went by and no money, money!! 

Remember, we are all human and more so with the military....I sure in the hell would not want to do their payroll.....YIKES! 

Good Luck


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## IN HOC SIGNO (4 Oct 2006)

They are all right. He is not entitled to a move until he is finished his TQ3...this is the course that qualifies him as a basic tradesman. It depends on his trade how long that is and which Fleet School he attends (Esquimalt or Halifax) There is no guarantee that he will be posted to the same coast as the Fleet school. Afew weeks before the end of his TQ3 he is posted and assigned a "home port" status...i.e. East or West Coast and unless he opts to change that (usually to take a promotion or a great job) he will stay on that coast for his career and be posted from ship to ship or shore unit. Their is usually no choice in his posting although they are asked for a preference (no guarantee he'll get it though) Home porting does not apply to officers. Most hard sea trades spend a lot of time at sea in their first 6 years.


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