# Members' Marital Status



## 762gunner (13 Feb 2006)

Ladies and Gentlemen:

     I hope this may be an interesting poll.  This came out of a conversation I had with a senior member on my bus during a trip.  We discussed the challenges and difficulty facing military members of either gender in maintaining a relationship in the military or with a military member (how many divorced people do YOU know?).
     He strongly believed that there was a high percentage (over 40% ! ) of members that were divorced, and that this was the highest percentage of all other marital status'.
     This person also believed that there are only three types of spouses for ANY military member for a successful relationship:

     1.     Another military member;

     2.     a Base rat (someone not in the military but that grew up in a military family); and

     3.     a RARE (his words) individual with the strength of character to enter a military relationship relatively cold and through the available resources and their partner, is able to cope and not let the relationship fail.

     I have been curious since he mentioned it, and certainly welcome any discussion.

     As a disclaimer, I don't represent anybody, I'm not doing this for any social course, I haven't discussed this poll with anyone else before posting it, and in case it comes up, I apologize for any perceived insult, offence or similarity to any persons, whether living or deceased...

     Oh wait, that's from the movies... 

     Cheers!


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## geo (13 Feb 2006)

My wife likes the look of a man (me ) in uniform.....


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## Haggis (13 Feb 2006)

geo said:
			
		

> My wife likes the look of a man (me ) in uniform.....



... and mine likes the look of a man (me) out of uniform   ;D.....


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## geo (13 Feb 2006)

Doh!


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## punkgirl (14 Feb 2006)

Well i guess i would fall under the "rare" category... Even though a military life is a very hard one to live, when you love someone as much as i love my boyfriend you put up with anything just so you can love them. Out of the last year he has been gone a total of 10 months, all his time away was military related.... now it is the start of a new year and he starts off by being gone on the tour to Afghanistan..... another 6 months gone. But even though he is gone for the time being i know that when he comes back we are both going to get and receive some of the best hugs and kisses ever.


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## 762gunner (14 Feb 2006)

Rare?  I'll say!  I know a few of us will be thinking of cold showers after that.  LUCKY guy!  I'm sure that things will slow down workwise once he gets back, and of course there's all that MOOLA he's going to make that you're not supposed to know about  .

     If only there were a few thousand more women like that, I know a few thousand guys that would work hard at making them very happy.  

     Or even one...


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## camochick (14 Feb 2006)

I'm an army brat, and I think that helps me be a bit more understanding of my husbands job. I dont have to like it but I have to live with it.  >


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## MCpl Burtoo (15 Feb 2006)

I would fall under.....  *1.     Another military member;*

Both my wife and I are in the military and I believe it has helped our marriage. We got married and then I joined. She joined the Reserves and then transferred to the Reg Force. With her being in the military, we defiantly have something to talk about at the dinner table at night! She all so likes to take all my sniffle kit to the field.....but that is another story! It can be hard with both in the military as one is in the field and one is at home or sometimes both away and that is where one needs a support network of family or friends if you have kids. On one of my tours I come home and she left 3 days later for 3 mos. We have 2 children that have grown up with mommy and daddy wearing cbt boots and I believe that they are no different then any other kids. They just tell there friends mummy and daddy are in the field... ;D   I believe it is the quality and not quantity of time that is spent with each other or your kids. My wife is overseas now in Afghanistan and I am Mr. Mum for the next 9 mos! Tit for Tat has she has spent  her time at home while I did 3 tours.
Just my 2 cents worth............


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## Roy Harding (17 Feb 2006)

punkgirl said:
			
		

> Well i guess i would fall under the "rare" category... Even though a military life is a very hard one to live, when you love someone as much as i love my boyfriend you put up with anything just so you can love them. Out of the last year he has been gone a total of 10 months, all his time away was military related.... now it is the start of a new year and he starts off by being gone on the tour to Afghanistan..... another 6 months gone. But even though he is gone for the time being i know that when he comes back we are both going to get and receive some of the best hugs and kisses ever.



Just remember that when you have two toddlers running around, a babe in diapers, the furnace is on the fritz again, the car has a funny noise happenning, the washing machine won't drain, you've got to shovel the sidewalk yet again, and you finally get a letter in the mail from him -  a cheerful postcard from his seemingly exotic R&R location.

Military marriages are either VERY strong, or quickly over - I hope yours is the former.

Good Luck to you.


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## punkgirl (17 Feb 2006)

Well i know that the journey will be a difficult one.... but i think it will still be better than my first marriage.....


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## Sh0rtbUs (17 Feb 2006)

punkgirl said:
			
		

> Well i guess i would fall under the "rare" category... Even though a military life is a very hard one to live, when you love someone as much as i love my boyfriend you put up with anything just so you can love them. Out of the last year he has been gone a total of 10 months, all his time away was military related.... now it is the start of a new year and he starts off by being gone on the tour to Afghanistan..... another 6 months gone. But even though he is gone for the time being i know that when he comes back we are both going to get and receive some of the best hugs and kisses ever.



Got any friends?


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## Sig_Des (17 Feb 2006)

Sh0rtbUs said:
			
		

> Got any friends?



Yes please, any friends in Toronto for Shortbus, and If you have any in the Ottawa Region, that'd be great.

We could start an Army.ca dating service!!

"Hi, my name's ShOrtbUs, and even I seem tough on the outside, I'm really just a sensitive guy who likes to watch touching movies....I like long walks on the beach, and puppies..." >


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## punkgirl (17 Feb 2006)

The only friend i have in Ottawa is a guy..... so i don't think it would do you much good  ;D ;D ;D


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## Sh0rtbUs (17 Feb 2006)

punkgirl said:
			
		

> The only friend i have in Ottawa is a guy..... so i don't think it would do you much good  ;D ;D ;D



Sig, thats right up your ally!  ;D 

And how did you know about my deep rooted passion for Movies anyways!? You know i cried watching Simon Burch..


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## Good2Golf (17 Feb 2006)

My wife falls under category 3, but I'm not sure if non-mil/non-dependant is any harder living with the military than if your spouse is a military member or had parent(s) in the military.  There is no doubt that military life has put strains on our marriage, but then again, life in general puts strains on a marriage.

Never underestimate the value of asking yourself and your spouse "where you see yourselves in 1, 5, 10+ years?"  Sometimes you have to suck up something in the short term to support something you both want or be somewhere you both want to be in the long-term. Having a clear understanding of where things can be in the short, mid and long-term can help you focus on making things work in the "now" to make sure the future is where you want to be.

I wise CO of mine once told me to remember "God, Family, Country, Corps"...."make sure that you have someone warm to roll over up against in the middle of the night!"  Although I wasn't always mentally there in the past (especially living on a pager on 2hrs NTM and literally disappearing for many weeks at a time...worst being the day before our 5th anniversary...), now having over a fifth of a century of service to my country, I would do whatever it took to look after my family, even if that meant leaving the service to do something else that gave my family the best balance of quality of life.  I'm probably nowhere close to being in the minority, i.e. folks who came pretty close to the precipice of going different ways from their spouse for any number of reasons, but pulled up before smoking into the relationship obliteration (air-ground) interface.  Things change...from where you wanted to stay in forever, doing what you love to do in the CF gradually becomes more of a balance of all the things and people in your life.  Having to make a decision about the best way to move ahead certainly would  not be an easy thing to do -- chatting with my buds who have made that choice, they note that there was a point one passes where the balance between racing along with your hair on fire and spending quality time with those you love would change if put to the challenge.  I haven't got there yet, far from it...but I am mentally prepared to make the decision if required, because my relationship with my wife and my family is the most important thing for me.  It's what has supported me in my career so far, and what will serve me when I'm wearing diapers and dentures.  Not sure if that's right or wrong...it is what it is.  I suppose I'll know when it's time to pass on the torch to the young chargers and settle down with my life partner in a more relaxing setting...and then lament about "the good old days" sitting on the porch!  ;D

Cheers,
Duey


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## Sig_Des (17 Feb 2006)

Sh0rtbUs said:
			
		

> Sig, thats right up your ally!  ;D
> 
> And how did you know about my deep rooted passion for Movies anyways!? You know i cried watching Simon Burch..



Hell, ShOrtbUs, you know us Jimmies, we're almost as bad as troopers, we'll take what we can get when we can get it   ;D

as far as your love of movies, well, you just exude sentimentality :-*



			
				punkgirl said:
			
		

> The only friend i have in Ottawa is a guy..... so i don't think it would do you much good  ;D ;D ;D



Well, thanks for the thought, punkgirl. I guess I'll have to go to the old-fashioned way...getting someone drunk enough that I'm attractive


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## Sh0rtbUs (17 Feb 2006)

Sig, are you sure you've got enough money to cover the bar tab?  

Duey, thanks for those words. Its an interesting insight on where Military life stands, in the grand scheme of a family, and i cant say i disagree with you.


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## Sig_Des (17 Feb 2006)

Sh0rtbUs said:
			
		

> Sig, are you sure you've got enough money to cover the bar tab?



Well, I'll get a trooper to pay for her drinks all night, then convince her what heathens you are, and sway her away with my gentle charm  8)

As far as Duey's comments, I think that applies to the same situation in life...Relationships are about compromise...The question is, is the compromising only going to be done on the part of one half of the relationship?

Growing up on bases all across Canada, it was painful to see how many relationships ended up in a crash and burn, especially when there were kids involved. Long-term deployments, taskings, training. Frequent moves. And then adding the stress that your spouse may not come back from overseas, or that you may not have a spouse when you get home from overseas.

There are guys who came back from tour and told there spouse that they found someone else. There are guys who came back, to find their PMQ empty; wives, kids and pets gone.

So in a world where seeing a 20 year anniversary is a rarity, you have to respect a long-lasting relationship, especially with the stress that's added with being a member of the CF.


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## CdnArtyWife (17 Feb 2006)

I am category #3...

Though we were already married when hubby joined. We have celebrated only two anniversaries together...but married 5+ years, together for 7+...

My hubby was on course during the birth of both of our children...the first of which he met when our son was 4 weeks old after he finished basic. Right after our daughter was born, dh was given opportunity to take parental leave, but I told him to do the next course (three weeks later) instead...better to get the training done and overwith...I could cope by myself...

We've had our ups, we've had our downs... but we are tight and I attribute that to the fact that I invite him to unload when he has had a stressful day/week/month etc. There was a time just before Christmas that was particularly stressfull in hubby's work...I told him one day at lunch to "feel free to talk it out when needed..." it makes him a better husband/father if he can get it off his chest and bounce ideas off me at the end of the work day, than to hold it all in and be snappy at me and the kids. He told me that just knowing he could talk it out later made him feel that much better.

I talk shop with him and his buddies...I am the only wife I know, besides the service couples, that can identify an M777 and state the range when asked. I choose not to be a wife who only knows her hubby wears green...though I fully understand that what works for some, does not work for others...some people feel ignorance is bliss. I am not one of those. When hubby goes overseas, I expect a full briefing on all the possible pros and cons, including a realistic view of the dangers of him being there...but that way I can look at it knowing how well he is trained, how much he knows his job and I can be at home taking care of business here, sufficiently worrying about him (who wouldn't) but not going out of my mind in fear. 

Our marriage is cooperative...he expects me to talk out my stressfull days just as much as he knows he can offload with me. I don't carry his stress with me...but just to get things off your chest helps...

All that, and a phenomenal sex life, makes for a strong marriage in the military world. Well, that...and making fudge or other baked goods for him to bring to work occaisionally...(I have to do my fair share to help motivate the guys to get out for PT   )

Cheers...

Kara


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## Good2Golf (17 Feb 2006)

Kara, good on you...and the M777 is pretty new kit too!  

Years ago, my wife helped me study when I was going through basic helo school...I dare say she knows as much of the technical info on the Bell Jet Ranger as a lot of pilots do.  Funny story, she used to do modelling and was at a clients, waiting for a shoot to start...there were some engineers from Detroit-Diesel Allison in the waiting room getting print work set up at the agency.  My wife looked at one of the fellow's briefcases and pointed to the DD-Allison sticker and said, "Oh that's my name!"  The fellow looked at her with a sort-of "yes, yes, that's nice, missy" look and said, "Ah yes, we make engines...it's pretty technical stuff."  Allison replied, "Oh, you mean like the 'Allison' T-63-750B turboshaft engine, that makes 217 shaft-horsepower at 6,700 rpm on the power turbine?" and blinked innocently...   The guy just replied, "uh, yeah...something like that..."   

Sig-Des, no worries with me that any decision we made would be one half driving the other to do something else...my wife was in the middle of a Masters Degree in geo info systems and wasn't able to complete it due to moving around, that and trying to re-establish a career everywhere we were posted.  Any decision in the future would be a "joint operation" 

Cheers,
Duey


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## CdnArtyWife (17 Feb 2006)

Duey said:
			
		

> Kara, good on you...and the M777 is pretty new kit too!
> 
> Years ago, my wife helped me study when I was going through basic helo school...I dare say she knows as much of the technical info on the Bell Jet Ranger as a lot of pilots do.  Funny story, she used to do modelling and was at a clients, waiting for a shoot to start...there were some engineers from Detroit-Diesel Allison in the waiting room getting print work set up at the agency.  My wife looked at one of the fellow's briefcases and pointed to the DD-Allison sticker and said, "Oh that's my name!"  The fellow looked at her with a sort-of "yes, yes, that's nice, missy" look and said, "Ah yes, we make engines...it's pretty technical stuff." * Allison replied, "Oh, you mean like the 'Allison' T-63-750B turboshaft engine, that makes 217 shaft-horsepower at 6,700 rpm on the power turbine?" and blinked innocently...  *  The guy just replied, "uh, yeah...something like that..."
> 
> ...



LOL indeed. Been there done that...

Coincidently I have been asked, through the chain of command, to "tone it down while in mixed company" as apparently I intimidate the other wives...LOL oops! Oh well.  :-* I'll talk the shop with the guys...and when in a mixed company situation, I tend to hang in the kitchen or on the deck, beer in hand, with the guys...cus I don't feel comfy in the "stitch and b!tch" setting. I guess I am just an anomaly that will take getting used to. >


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## muffin (17 Feb 2006)

As far as I know I am Happily Married ... if not, I haven't received the memo yet 

My dad was in the military - so I think in a way that helped prepare me for the life I have now as a military spouce. I also served 4 years, so I can understand that there are some things he can't talk to me about and there are some days that he just needs to "do his thing". It is also nice because I have some clue what he is talking about  Working for DND lets me keep up-to-date on my accronyms! lol 

I learned a great deal from my mom for sure. (Mom and Dad still happily married for 30 years last Aug!) 

As an military "brat" growing up and during my time in - there were many unfortunate stories of couples splitting up. There is no doubt that the "9er-Domestic home party" role is a tough one, and the battle is different for everyone. I try not to worry about things to much when Jeff is away...  if something is going to happen to him, my worrying isn't going to stop it. Likewise for worries about him "acting up" when away from home  I try to make sure we are realistically prepared for anything that could happen (finacially etc) and try to look at the postives (though they are sometimes hard to find). The extra $$ is always nice - though most people would say they'd rather have their spouce home than extra cash. 

I always laugh when I hear people in the "civi" world say they wish they could get a break from thier "other half" - and I say - be careful what you wish for! In all seriousness though, our relationship is (I believe) that much stronger each time he comes home. 

Because I work for DND as a civi, if Jeff gets posted - I become a priority for other DND jobs at my classification wherever he is posted. That helps alleviate some of the stress with possible postings. It isn't a guarantee - but it is nice to have for sure.

All in all - I would have to say there is no life like it, and I wouldn't trade it for the world .... but then again I am 27 years old and have only been married for 8 years.... see me again in 20 and I we will see if I feel the same 

muffin


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## Journeyman (17 Feb 2006)

Quite happily divorced, thank you. Four days before heading out to Bosnia, half way through my embarkation leave, she says "we're getting dovorced; have a nice tour. Will you drive me to the airport, I met some guy on the internet."     Didn't see THAT coming, but my life started turning to gold at that point.

I'm currently living with a military woman (kinda military, she's Navy  ), who is separated from her military husband. We've been together for just over 2 years now, and my life rocks! Since their divorce isn't finalized yet, I also get perverse pleasure from referring to "my girlfriend and her husband"


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## DEDOOLEY (20 Feb 2006)

[quote CdnArtyWife]

...I am the only wife I know, besides the service couples, that can identify an M777 and state the range when asked. I choose not to be a wife who only knows her hubby wears green...though I fully understand that what works for some, does not work for others...some people feel ignorance is bliss. ..

[/quote]

The M777 is a field gun; I thought your husband was AD? Since he is not field artillery, why would you feel knowing about field guns makes you more supportive than other wives?  I know plenty of wives that know all about their husband's careers perhaps they just do not talk about it as much. Also, knowing the range and other specs of the guns does not make you a better military wife. If wives decide to leave their husbands' career to them and fulfill their own careers, I hardly see that as them showing ignorance.


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## Journeyman (20 Feb 2006)

wintersnow said:
			
		

> ...does not make you a better military wife.



Whoa....it's not a Best Wife competition. You may have just lost points in the Miss Congeniality catagory, by the way   

Welcome to the site. Please feel free to contribute informed commentary to the threads.


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## Sh0rtbUs (20 Feb 2006)

Journeyman said:
			
		

> Whoa....it's not a Best Wife competition. You may have just lost points in the Miss Congeniality catagory, by the way



Although, that WOULD be terribly interesting to watch from afar.


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## c1984ml (20 Feb 2006)

A number three here as well.   I am a bit of a history/Canadiana buff and as such I was/am aware of what the military does.  However, the only first hand knowledge I had before my DH joined was based on some encounters with a few strange cadets during highschool and grandparents who had served during WWII.

My husband and I met and married during University over 20 years ago.   He joined as soon as he finished his degree and our first posting was far away from home to Shilo.  I really didn't know what to expect but I don't think anything I could have imagined would have come close to the experience I had those couple of years in the middle of the prairies.  I loved that first posting; the people we met were amazing and I loved being a small part of the military world.

I know what my DH does, I understand in a rudimentary way how his world works and I can follow a conversation when the talk turns to things military.  I have also tried to make sure I have not been lost in the mix of military and family (we have three kids).  I have continued to develop my interests and maintained friendships outside of the military as well as within.  

I must admit, my DH is one of the great ones (don't tell him I said so   ) and knows when family has to come first.  He has done well for himself so far but I have never once felt that he has done so while sacrificing the needs of our family.  Of course, I also understand when the military has to come first and I know the difference between my DH choosing not to be here and the military choosing for him.

I don't wear rose coloured glasses; neither my DH nor I am perfect, we have certainly had some tough times as I believe any marriage does whether it be a "military" or "civi" one.  I don't believe the military life style is for everyone but I am not convinced it can always be blamed when a marriage/relationship fails.   I can't once recall any of our problems being a fault of the military - they were our issues and I am 100% certain they would have occurred whether he was in the military or not.  Of course that is my marriage; I know I don't speak for anyone else.

Interesting topic and I have enjoyed the responses thus far.


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## CdnArtyWife (20 Feb 2006)

wintersnow said:
			
		

> The M777 is a field gun; I thought your husband was AD? Since he is not field artillery, why would you feel knowing about field guns makes you more supportive than other wives?  I know plenty of wives that know all about their husband's careers perhaps they just do not talk about it as much. Also, knowing the range and other specs of the guns does not make you a better military wife. If wives decide to leave their husbands' career to them and fulfill their own careers, I hardly see that as them showing ignorance.



Firstly, yes, my hubby is AD...but he was trained field as well.

Secondly, I was using the M777 as an example...as that was something that happened in recent history...I won't get into the details of the situation, suffice it to say, my hubby was asked a question regarding the range and I was able to answer the question in his absence.

Thirdly, I did not say, nor did I mean to imply that my knowing the particular specs of kit that is integral within the CF was in anyway in direct correlation with my support for my husband. IMHO, he feels he can explain a situation to me, without having to dumb it down for me, or having me interupt with inane questions, this makes it easier for him. But that is how it works in our family...everyone's experience is different. 

Long before my husband joined we had set up a routine where we shared with eachother the ins and outs of our day, we still do that. Therefore I feel involved.

Other wives have what works for them...a good friend of mine, for example, who's husband works hand in hand with mine, has nary a clue as to what he does for a living, her typical response is "he wears green". That does not make them any less happy, nor does it mean their marriage will not last...as I believe it will. 

I prefer to be fully informed, I don't like it when Jane/Joe Civvy asks me what my husband does and I don't know enough to make it simply understood for them. My friend can't articulate the difference between Air Force and Air Defence when needed...you and I both know that the two are vastly different...I like to be able to explain the difference...that does not neccessarily equate to "nicey wifey" I know...it is just the way I work.


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## GO!!! (20 Feb 2006)

I am personnally of the opinion that the army has saved as many marriages as it has broken. We all need vacations, from work, spouses, etc. I find a few weeks/months here or there helps me to appreciate what I am missing a little more.

I find that the CF breaks weak relationships sooner than other jobs, for a variety of reasons, and the excuse "He was gone all of the time" just does'nt cut it.


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## bbereziuk (20 Feb 2006)

I certainly hope the senior member is wrong... His spouse styles really limit the population...  :-X


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## DEDOOLEY (20 Feb 2006)

[quote Journeyman]
Whoa....it's not a Best Wife competition. You may have just lost points in the Miss Congeniality catagory, by the way   

[/quote]

 > > >


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## Armymedic (20 Feb 2006)

My wife has been a DND civilian employee in Petawawa for the last 6 yrs. She interacts daily with military mbrs of all ranks and professions. She knows in general what I do, but I don't tell her about my daily tasks or what I did any day while overseas. But she takes great pride in hearing how well I do my job from our supervisors, coworkers and customers, as I do from hers.

As CdnArtyWife eludes to, its whatever works for that couple.


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## Angie77 (21 Feb 2006)

Anyone from B.C?  ;D


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## camochick (21 Feb 2006)

I think its great that artywife knows her husbands job. Like she said, if thats what helps her, then thats what helps her. When people ask what my husband does, i just say he is a trained killer. That usually makes them get that weird look on their face and they dont really know what to say. It gets me out of talking to nosy strangers hehe.  >


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## CdnArtyWife (21 Feb 2006)

camochick said:
			
		

> I think its great that artywife knows her husbands job. Like she said, if thats what helps her, then thats what helps her. When people ask what my husband does, i just say he is a trained killer. That usually makes them get that weird look on their face and they dont really know what to say. It gets me out of talking to nosy strangers hehe.  >



haha A, it is good to see you still know how to mess with people's heads... :evil: :cheers:


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## GO!!! (21 Feb 2006)

Just say "he's a technician."

If they push, he makes widows, orphans and amputees, and is a death tech  > > >


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## Haggis (21 Feb 2006)

CdnArtyWife:

I posted this story in a thread on Veterans last fall.
It seems appropriate here:

After my last tour, my wife introduced me to a group of ladies.  As the conversation progressed totheir hubby's jobs, she told them what I do and proudly said "My husband is a vet."  One lady replied "Oh, your husband is a vet!  He should meet mine.  He's a breeder."

I can tell you from first hand experience that snorting white wine our your nose does burn.


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## CdnArtyWife (21 Feb 2006)

That is too funny...especially the white wine bit. 

Thanks for the laugh...it was definitely appreciated.

Kara


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## Journeyman (22 Feb 2006)

Haggis said:
			
		

> "Oh, your husband is a vet!  He should meet mine.  He's a breeder."
> I can tell you from first hand experience that snorting white wine our your nose does burn.



{pondering....} So, after several deployments, I'm a 'vet'; I have a couple of sons, so I'm a 'breeder'; but I've been to the vets to be fixed, so I'm no longer a breeder.....  :-\ damn, these labels get confusing.

I won't comment on an infantryman drinking white wine; of course, I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain either   ;D


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## Haggis (22 Feb 2006)

Journeyman said:
			
		

> I won't comment on an infantryman drinking white wine; of course, I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain either   ;D



It was free.  Need I go on???


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## Journeyman (22 Feb 2006)

Haggis said:
			
		

> It was free.  Need I go on???



Ahhh, you are indeed an infantryman


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## gun plumber (25 Feb 2006)

The wife used to be a long time reservist and has since retired in order to  be a full time mother to our 2 sons.Having a wife,who understands most of the commitments we have to make(work over family sometimes),long exercises and or deployments,and the eventual snap decisions we all have to make(Hey Hon,they put me on course starting tomorrow,gonna drive me to the airport?)really helps avoid alot of the disputes than can occur.
That,and the wife is brutally honest about my uniform and kit.Better than most CSM's I've run into!
CDNArtyWife:You would definitely get along with my wife,she's not the "stitch and *****" type either!


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## emmiee (27 Feb 2006)

I guess I would put myself in category 3. This is my first "military" relationship and it has been long distance as well. But six years later we are still together and see each other as often as possible but communicate daily. No matter what the relationship; if there is no communication and understanding there is little. And yes, I try to know as much as I can about what he does and what it means for him to serve his country. Just as well he trys to understand what my career is all about. As some of you most eloquently said (better than I could ever), it works both ways.


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## Megs (10 Mar 2006)

Horray for a first post. 

I suppose I fit into "other" and category 3, as I'm not married or single, but have a boyfriend involved in the military. My boyfriend is currently in the The Princess Louise Fusiliers reserve infantry, but is wanting to join the Air Force. He's in the beginning stages of it as of now, and hopefully he'll get in without a hitch. He's been in the reserves for a little over four years now, and we've been dating for around seven months.

This is my first military relationship, and first relationship at all actually. Heh. I've always had great respect and admiration for people in the Armed Forces, and to be in a relationship with a person who has a great sense of duty and loves his country makes me feel great. I fully support him in everything that he wants to do with his life, even if I might not like it. He knows my feelings on some of the things that he may be doing in the near future, but I don't let those things stop him from doing what he loves.

I love my Military Boyfriend, and I wouldn't have it any other way!


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## Mamma Bear (11 Mar 2006)

I totally agree about the 3 different types of spouses. I have been around the military either a military member or a military spouce for the last 20 yrs and have seen alot of marriage fall. Either the soliders wife or gf have been yanked from their peacefull life after the member has completed all his training and plunked in some godforsaken place and they poof the soldier is gone on excercise or tour. And it is  up to her to figure it all out the military lingo the military way. To anyone new in the military with a wife or gf just give her alot of info into what u both are getting into cause it takes 2 to make or break a marriage. AND IT CAN BE DONE TRUST ME. Have seen the good side and bad side and its like a posting its what u make of it. I pride myself as a good military spouse and mom. Spent alot of time alone and now I have rejoined and the hubby is finally finding out what its like to be the Mom and Dad, cook and chef bottle washer... But he has the advantage the kids are now 16 and 14 But the military life is the greatest and it takes special kinds of ppl to make it all work in a relationship and the best advide to give anyone is alot of COMMUNICATION..Yes long times alone either for the hubby or the wife but if love is strong no length of time will make the heart wander....Good luck to all and this Soldier and this Soldierspouse is celebrating 12 yrs together on Sunday and its been a rough road but worth it all......


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## IN HOC SIGNO (11 Mar 2006)

geo said:
			
		

> My wife likes the look of a man (me ) in uniform.....



Funny mine likes me with it off!!  >


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## IN HOC SIGNO (11 Mar 2006)

This is a great topic. I've seen a lot of relationships that have gone south in this outfit but I think there are a lot of good ones too. I don't think we differ from the civie stats much to tell you the truth.

My wife and I are going on 24 years this summer. Like everyone else it's had it's ups and downs. Now that the kids are pretty much grown...and hopefully just about gone ha ha. We are looking forward to doing more stuff with each other.
She is a professional in her own right...an Operating Room Nurse...(former CF nurse) and that helps a lot with our postings. She knows how to talk the talk too...certainly more than I do about her work.
She too avoids the stitch and bitch crowd, rides a motorcycle and will definitely make a sailor blush from time to time with her salty language. She's a Newf so that helps too.....very loyal and family oriented folks generally I've found.
She certainly has a lot of patience with this badly flawed man! She's an angel and a saint.
In case you haven't guessed by the above...I love this woman to pieces!!!
CFs been good to us and good for us.....


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## 762gunner (12 Mar 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> I don't think we differ from the civie stats much to tell you the truth.



     Yup, I definitely agree.  I started this topic thinking I would get a couple of responses, but the number of responses and the stories are fascinating.  The stats have straightened me out as I was expecting results quite different.  I would like to thank every one of you for sharing your circumstances and your stories.  A couple of those stories are right out there but were still neat and/or funny to read.

     Again, thank you all for the responses and I know I will be quoting those poll numbers for a long time.  Sure, the total number may be small considering the number of members in the Forces and the number of spouses that stand behind/beside them, but it is a good snapshot, I'm sure.

     As for all the people that are, for one reason or another, unattached, perhaps there's hope for all.  

     Cheers and God Bless ya all.


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## shadow (22 Mar 2006)

GO!!! said:
			
		

> I find that the CF breaks weak relationships sooner than other jobs



Exactly my sentiments.  Nothing like a career in the military to show you that you're living in la-la land and really aren't as compatible as you thought


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## monika (22 Mar 2006)

shadow said:
			
		

> Exactly my sentiments.  Nothing like a career in the military to show you that you're living in la-la land and really aren't as compatible as you thought



Better yet, go camping with your intended; if you both survive, you've got a shot at making it work.


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## NavyGirl280 (27 Mar 2006)

Myself, I am in category 3 (I believe). I never grew up in a military family myself but I wasnt completely "blind" to it either, as my Uncle was in the CF and I spent a lot of time with them. I am in the process of joining the CF myself. (Heading into the reserves). My husband has been in the CF for 4 years now and we have been married 6 months. We have 2 beautiful children and a couple of furry critters to keep me busy when hes gone LOL


S.Bradbury    


PS - Id like to say it was the uniform, however, I met him while he was on Holidays and I didnt see him in uniform until many days later....although thats just an added bonus


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