# My son going to Afghanistan,  looking for support and information



## Another Mom (1 Aug 2008)

Hi, My son is going to Afghanistan next Spring, as a brand new officer and I am scared and worried about all the obvious things. To complicate things, his home unit in Canada is across the country and he is working in a second language.   He tells us what he can, but he has never seemed to know his comings and goings until a week before, or it changes, when he does know.  Even his Christmas leave was canceled  (but for an understandable reason.)  I am there for him unconditionally but  I need a buddy who has been there,  to help me with this.   I miss him so much and now I am always expecting the unexpected. And with his tour coming up, I have plenty of fears.


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## ENGINEERS WIFE (1 Aug 2008)

Another Mom

Where are you?  Just because he doesn't live near you you will still be able to take advantage of any MFRC(Military Family Resource Centre), if there is one close to you.  Even though I am not the mother of a soldier, as a wife, I can definitely relate to the stresses of deployment.  We are all in this together.  Husband/wife, mother/father or child, we all want to support 'our' soldier and as you are part of my 'military family' I will do what I can to support you and answer any questions that you might have.  Unless, of course it's "TOP SECRET" and if I told you then I would have to kill you!!! >  just kidding.    Like I know anything top secret......not!
If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.  
Hope this helps a little.   Looking forward to hearing from you. 
Robin


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## Jorkapp (2 Aug 2008)

Another Mom,

Always remember that you are not alone in your fears. For every soldier, they all have parents, siblings, spouses, and children who all fear for their well-being while on tour. Your son is doing us all a great service, so keep your chin up, and be proud of what he's doing.

As Robin mentioned, you have full access to any MFRC. You don't have any location mentioned in your post or profile, so here's a complete list of MFRC locations. Just go to the MFRC, make yourself known, and the staff will gladly help you.

Also available is the Mission Information Line,



> Mission Information Line
> 1-800-866-4546
> (Fax 613-995-2178)
> Peace of mind is only a phone call away
> ...



And of course, this forum is always here.


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## GUNS (2 Aug 2008)

Another Mom,

My son is scheduled to deploy to A'stan in the near future. I know it is hard for family members to cope with the situation. As suggested, the MFRC is an outstanding group of people who will do everything possible to assist you. They are part of your family as well and will treat you as such.
Many military family members attend weekly get togethers where we just chat among ourselves and help each other solve problems that may crop up. We also have outings to various places which includes BBQ's. My suggestion is to contact your nearest MFRC and or your son's unit which usually have a support group for military families.

You will solve your issues better with friends than on your own. 

You will never be alone when you are part of a military family.


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## 3VP Highlander (2 Aug 2008)

Another Mom

   Where are you located?  We have set up our own support group for members of the RHFC in Cambridge / KW who will soon be deploying overseas.  If you contact your nearest MFRC, they can put you in contact with other parents and relatives in the same situation.  We are all here to help.


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## Another Mom (2 Aug 2008)

Thank you all for responding here and via PM. I prefer to be anonymous on a public board, but am looking forward to getting to know you and learning from you.   All my prior knowledge of the military came from the news until my son joined.  And that was a puzzle to us. I am  still trying to understand why a young man who read and questioned everything would want to join an organization based on taking orders. But he wants to make a difference.  I wish there was a pamphlet entitled  "So your son/daughter/wife/husband joined the military: What you need to know" so we wouldn't feel like idiots.  I would be willing to write it myself in few years.  Now with the tour coming up,  I am desperate to see him as much as possible beforehand, to support him as best we can while he is away and know how to support him when he returns.  There is a lot to learn.

I will get in touch with a MFRC  and and go from there...  Thank you all...


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## 421_434_226 (2 Aug 2008)

Just curious if your son has mentioned if he has a "sponsor" or not. 
Not sure how his unit handles it but here anyone being deployed has a sponsor, the sponsor will maintain contact with the deployed member's next of kin be it spouse, sibling or parents. The sponsor will also be responsible for seeing that a "care" package is sent at least once every 3 months. 
Of course this would be much harder at a unit where a large number of people are deployed at once, being as we only send a very small number at any given time makes it much easier.
I only know of this because a member from my shop is being deployed in a few months and I am his sponsor.


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## geo (2 Aug 2008)

> All my prior knowledge of the military came from the news until my son joined.  And that was a puzzle to us. I am  still trying to understand why a young man who read and questioned everything would want to join an organization based on taking orders.



Funny thing that, just because we all wear the same clothes does not mean that we are simple numbers / drones doing the bidding of our masters.  For the most part, we are probably more individualistic than those who rebel against authority.

Questioning things is fine... there is a time and place for that.  However, when the time is up, we have our orders & we execute them to the best of our ability - with the help of our comrades.

Welcome to ARMY.CA

Chimo!


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## Another Mom (2 Aug 2008)

Chimo, Right.. I guess I was surprised he was willing to give up his freedom to come and go where and when he wants...

 Re: Sending care packages. I have read here that it can take up to 40 days to reach a person over there. When will he (and we) know where he will be and is it possible to send things well before he leaves?


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## military granny (2 Aug 2008)

A M 
The mailing address is the same for everyone, the only difference is the name ,rank and serial number on the packages.


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## muffin (3 Aug 2008)

military granny said:
			
		

> A M
> The mailing address is the same for everyone, the only difference is the name ,rank and serial number on the packages.



Don't forget camp  there are several different camps and you will want to include his section/platoon/company etc.

You don't want to send anything before his rotation gets in though, or it may get sent back.


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## Another Mom (3 Aug 2008)

I really want to support my son and  it is so hard when we hardly see him anyway.  I was thinking of buying him a small laptop and pre-loading it with photos, music,  letters from people from his home town, addresses and contact information,  etc.  I could  also send him some DVDs.   I could put his favorite newpapers in the bookmarks pre-loaded with passwords. And get a outlet that would let him charge it in flight. (He is traveling a lot before his tour.) I am not counting on getting things to him while he away or hearing from him much, so I thought I would load him up with things that could help him and let him feel supported and distracted.   I think I need to make the laptop as sandproof as possible with a keyboard cover. Maybe I could ask his girlfriend to surprise him and put letters on it.  I thought I would take pictures of his favorite spots from home. Would that make him feel homesick or do you thing he would like it? Maybe we can make funny family pictures about what we are doing while we are waiting for him to come home.  When he first went away to Univ we had a few family suppers where we set a place for him, too  and then called him and put him on speaker phone which was at his place. It was ridiculous and funny, but I think it helped all of us feel like we were still "together".   "Bobby, pass the potatos. You want some peas?"  The humor helped.

Do the more experienced of you have any comments or ideas about this? I want to send it to him in time for him to put his own things on it as well.  

 I go nuts in a vacuum of information and feel better when I can do something.  This project makes me feel like I can help him even when I have no idea where he is, what he is doing and what state of mind he is in.   Mothering by remote.


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## Celticgirl (4 Aug 2008)

@Another Mom...I think your ideas are fantastic. When my fiance was "over there" (dividing his time b/w the Ghan and support location), he couldn't get enough of two things - _hand-written letters _ and _pictures_. He also appreciated the occasional DVD because although they keep very busy most of the time, there is not much to do during their 'off' time and movies and music make for great escapes. 

Also, I found that writing letters and sending packages helped _me _ as much as it helped _him_. It gave me a way to direct my energy rather than just sitting around missing him and worrying about him. I loved knowing that my packages would brighten his day or week over there when he received them. He often told me that other troops were jealous because he received the most packages and letters, and that made me feel really good, which in turn, helped me to deal with his deployment more easily. 

Someone else mentioned the MFRC, and while I haven't used their services other than to send packages for free (great option but it limits your package size a bit), I know that there is fabulous support at the MFRCs for families of deployed members so don't hesitate to contact them before or during your son's deployment.


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