# This is why Daddy drinks at Christmas



## zipperhead_cop (25 Dec 2006)

So who else got saddled with an unfathomable assembly/construction project?  Is there some rule that says if it is physically possible to ship something assembled, it should be taken apart?  Or that directions should have the most number of concurrent steps per diagram, with an inversely proportional amount of verbal direction?   :crybaby:

Here is how I spent the last two hours:

















And clearly being told that "Dad, this is taking too long" was the helpful encouragement I was hoping for 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Now it is quality time for Daddy and Mr. H Walker whose lovely gift has a black label on it.   
Anyone else feel like they should have started the day with an engineering degree?


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## Mike Baker (25 Dec 2006)

Yeah, sure, call it your kids stuff   >


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## Bruce Monkhouse (25 Dec 2006)

I'm telling ya that's the secret Chinese plan to take over North America......driving the average adult male totally insane and inept with the bevy of lousy installation instructions on thier kids toys.


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## Thompson_JM (25 Dec 2006)

So this is what I have to look forward to when i have kids?

Suddenly Im glad I spent so much of my youth playing with Lego..... I should have a Leg up on how to assemble the 8 Million Pieces of the GI Battle Fortress or the Princess Pony Vanity Dresser.......     

God Help Me........  Somthing Tells me Afghanistan is gonna be easy compared to Parenting...  ;D

Great Avatar Pic Zip!  ;D


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## Fishbone Jones (25 Dec 2006)

Most of us fathers have to go through that cycle, but they get older. My daughter got a 1/2", 18.5 volt cordless drill and a B&D 4 1/2" angle grinder this year. Oh, and a tune up on her car. ;D However, you'll do years of penance before you reach that point


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## kratz (25 Dec 2006)

Michael Baker said:
			
		

> Yeah, sure, call it your kids stuff   >



I agree with Micheal Baker's comment. At least it offers me a smile.


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## Scratch_043 (25 Dec 2006)

There's one hint that I can give you that I learned a long time ago. That is to assemble everything on the eve of christmas/bithdays, to have it ready for the day of. (this goes for batteries in toys too)

That way, "Daddy, this is taking too long, I want to play!!" doesn't happen.


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## zipperhead_cop (25 Dec 2006)

Cpl Thompson said:
			
		

> Suddenly Im glad I spent so much of my youth playing with Lego..... I should have a Leg up on how to assemble the 8 Million Pieces of the GI Battle Fortress or the Princess Pony Vanity Dresser.......



Nothing can prepare you.  Were talking assembly screws that need jewellers tools, and sticker locations that you would need fingers that articulate in 360 degrees.  What your training does provide is the discipline to not go on a killing spree as a result of the extreme mental distress.  

+1 Bruce on the obvious Chinese/Disney plot. 



			
				ToRN said:
			
		

> There's one hint that I can give you that I learned a long time ago. That is to assemble everything on the eve of christmas/bithdays, to have it ready for the day of. (this goes for batteries in toys too)
> 
> That way, "Daddy, this is taking too long, I want to play!!" doesn't happen.



Oh, very true.  I blew it on that one.  Sadly, I was arresting jagoffs and processing them until the end of the shift.  Cinderella's Princess Castle at 0400 seemed too brutal to contemplate.


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## xo31@711ret (25 Dec 2006)

...enjoy, it don't get any easier Dude! I have 2 daughters 9 & 13 (who think they are 19 & 23). Just when you think you're done with one  situation (eg putting together the insane contruction Xmas eve  :rage: ), a whole hockey-sock full of other 'fun-filled' (  :brickwall: ) situations need to be resolved / taken care of.....enjoy and Merry Christmas   LOL LOL HA! HA! HO! HEE! HEE! (...losing mind, have to go, heard something about a 'boyfriend'  :crybaby:  in the background   :threat: (note to self: must put 'the fear of god & 'her crazy ol' man' into the minds & souls of these young bucks!)


Happy Holidays to all & play safe!


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## George Wallace (25 Dec 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> I'm telling ya that's the secret Chinese plan to take over North America......driving the average adult male totally insane and inept with the bevy of lousy installation instructions on thier kids toys.



I thought that that was the lack of assembly instructions for the '64 Ruck.


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## Shamrock (25 Dec 2006)

Mrs. Shamrock wanted some renovations for Christmas and I started with the electrical.  New outlets, new switches, and new lights.

Turns out our home was wired by a mad scientist.  The masterbedroom has four outlets; the fuse box has 1 label for the MBdrm (lights and outlets).  I kill it, swap out the outlets, outlet next outlet right.  Pop the cover off the next one, start unscrewing and... ZORT.   Run downstairs, put my hair out, clean up the burn marks, and check which fuse popped.  

#17: Hallway lights and plugs.  

Makes sense, it's on the wall across the room from the hallway.  As opposed to the one I had just changed, which shares the hallway wall.  Changes done, next outlet.  

ZORT.   

This one, about six feet from the other, is on a different fuse.  #24: Bathroom.  

At this point, I'm just going to hit the master fuse for everything.  And even still, I'm carrying a voltmeter and fire extinguisher just in case.


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## proudnurse (25 Dec 2006)

Oh boy, thank goodness my daughter JUST asked for the Barbies and Cabbage Patch Doll. Although her birthday is in January, my house could be the next!  :-\


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## Bruce Monkhouse (25 Dec 2006)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> Mrs. Shamrock out the outlets, outlet next outlet right.  Pop the cover off the next one, start unscrewing and... [glow
> At this point, I'm just going to hit the master fuse for everything.  And even still, I'm carrying a voltmeter  and fire extinguisher just in case.



Never touch wiring without this fine piece of kit....................remember the guy wiring just cared about 'grids' not 'rooms'.


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## larry Strong (25 Dec 2006)

I saw the light and built the Granddaughters toys a couple of nights ago


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## Hot Lips (25 Dec 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> Nothing can prepare you.  Were talking assembly screws that need jewellers tools, and sticker locations that you would need fingers that articulate in 360 degrees.  What your training does provide is the discipline to not go on a killing spree as a result of the extreme mental distress.


 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Oh boys you really had no idea did you... ;D
Happy to say I took my dad's advice when my children were littler and I pre-built toys...and it was also great because I didn't have to monitor my vocabulary   in front of them while I was building these wonderful $%#!+ toys.

Merry Christmas and God Bless

HL


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## IN HOC SIGNO (25 Dec 2006)

OK here it is. Next year I'm going to start driving south as soon as block leave starts...I'm taking a little ceramic tree with me and on Christmas day I'm going to Church and kiss Mrs IHS and wish her a Merry Christmas. No presents...no rat race....Because......
This year having all the sprogs grown and out I thought I had it made...no more insane instructions, stickers blah blah,
She got me a whole bunch of stuff in august or so....so I ask her about a week ago....reasonable timing I'm thinking..."sooooo what do you want for Christmas?"
The frost was palable as she says "You should know what I want for Christmas?" (Oh crap I'm a dead man...I haven't been listening!)
"Ummm yes dear you're right but just remind me will you?" says I.
"Well I told you I wanted a luggage rack for my motorcycle" (I vaguely remember something about that)
So I google the website for luggage racks and say "Hey come here and show me which one you want."
Well that was the wrong thing to say....."Just forget it." she says "not really a surprise now is it?"
I ended up squeezing out of her girlfriend that she wanted an IPOD so I got her that....why do women make this stuff so hard on us?? :crybaby:
I'm just a man!!!


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## 17thRecceSgt (25 Dec 2006)

"I'm just a man!!!"

+1 !

 :rofl:


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## Hot Lips (25 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> OK here it is. Next year I'm going to start driving south as soon as block leave starts...I'm taking a little ceramic tree with me and on Christmas day I'm going to Church and kiss Mrs IHS and wish her a Merry Christmas. No presents...no rat race....Because......
> This year having all the sprogs grown and out I thought I had it made...no more insane instructions, stickers blah blah,
> She got me a whole bunch of stuff in august or so....so I ask her about a week ago....reasonable timing I'm thinking..."sooooo what do you want for Christmas?"
> The frost was palable as she says "You should know what I want for Christmas?" (Oh crap I'm a dead man...I haven't been listening!)
> ...


 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
This is the stuff that makes women laugh like hell together...such simple tasks...which cause such dispair in men...that's why God made you all good soldiers instead 

HL


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## medaid (25 Dec 2006)

LOL oh my...thank God and any other deity you worship, that I dont have kids...I cant imagine what building those things have put you through ZC, however, I do feel for you on those long shifts in the cold. Here's to you brother. :cheers:


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## Chimo (25 Dec 2006)

But what a small price to pay for the honour of being called, "Dad"!


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## Klc (25 Dec 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> Never touch wiring without this fine piece of kit....................remember the guy wiring just cared about 'grids' not 'rooms'.



+1... Gotten a 'poke' a few times wiring in my parents insane ancient house.

Highly sugguested is an inductive voltmeter - Doesn't even need to touch live metal, just come near it. Cheap pen type ones are a smart buy.

Course... only works if your smart enough to use it every time..  ;D


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## Shamrock (25 Dec 2006)

I'm doomed.


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## Springroll (25 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> why do women make this stuff so hard on us?? :crybaby:
> I'm just a man!!!



Some of us enjoy watching our men go insane!! >
I got smart this year, bought what I wanted for Christmas and thanked him for it while he wrapped it. 
No surprises, but I got exactly what I wanted, so no disappointment either!

I did surprise him though...with a new 25gallon aquarium for some of our cichlids. 28 of them crammed into a 30 gallon just wasn't working now that the babies are growing like weeds(2-3in average).


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## Pea (25 Dec 2006)

I've been told time and time again, by men I date, that women are just too complicated. Supposedly that is why I basically have to set his desktop background to a picture of what I want for X-mas, in order to get it through to him. But, I truly think the problem is that men are too simple. I throw hints like CRAZY, about anything and everything.  ;D


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## Dissident (25 Dec 2006)

I got "lucky". 

After waiting for the last moment, and realizing that the mother in law got all the same suggestions I did(she, however, had not waited for tha last minute, leaving precious little for me to get the gf)

I had to scramble. I remembered something she mentionned last summer and came up with something on my own. I did good, thank God.


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## niner domestic (25 Dec 2006)

I guess you fellows missed the class on advice that you should make sure your partners have all the tools and who will put the kid's toys together themselves.  The little green guy and I have an agreement, he pays for said xmas toys... I put them together.  Simple.  No stress.


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## Shamrock (26 Dec 2006)




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## Haggis (26 Dec 2006)

Not quite a Christmas story:

Many (like 18) years ago I bought my kids their first swing set.  It was a monster: three swings, a glider, a slide and a ladder,  Each time I finished a section, the little tykes rushed it and started to play.  The friggin' thing wasn't even anchored to the ground yet and they're swinging hard enough to launch themselves into low-earth orbit.   Instruction sheets, tools and parts were being scattered about by small, exuberant feet. A fter about four hours of this (with some neighbour kids thrown in to raise the lawsuit pucker factor) I went "old school' on the bunch of 'em at which they scattered.  I finished the assemby in about two more uninterrupted hours.

Several hours later, with the "structure" completed and firmly anchored, I noticed no kids were using it, even though about four or five were playing in the yard.  My wife headed out to tell them that when I'd said  "Get off the swings NOW!!!  GET OFF!!  You will NOT touch this thing anymore!  Just stay away!!"  that I didn't mean "forever".


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## NL_engineer (26 Dec 2006)

Pea said:
			
		

> I've been told time and time again, by men I date, that women are just too complicated. Supposedly that is why I basically have to set his desktop background to a picture of what I want for X-mas, in order to get it through to him. But, I truly think the problem is that men are too simple. I throw hints like CRAZY, about anything and everything.  ;D



The problem is the said item keeps changing, leaving us to last minute shopping  ;D


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## zipperhead_cop (26 Dec 2006)

Chimo said:
			
		

> But what a small price to pay for the honour of being called, "Dad"!



Absolutely!  However, starting tomorrow I am going to spend the year telling them that there is nothing more magical or precious than modelling clay.


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## GO!!! (26 Dec 2006)

If you want something for Christmas, do what Mrs. GO!!! does;

Grab 9er (that's me) FMP, flip to the last page (the first unused one), and write "X-MAS GIFTS FOR ----"

On the second line (and the third and the fourth) write the name of the item, the cost, and where, both store name and lat/long said item can be purchased. Lack of detail will result in the cheaper option being purchased.

eg. If you want a 30GB pink iPod, write "iPod, pink, Future Shop, 299$, 137Ave and 97th street, north west corner of the Northgate mall, Edmonton AB Canada" 

Strangely enough, Mrs. GO!!! was pleasantly surprised by many of the items on her list under the tree, because she placed her list in October.

Hints don't work. If you want it, say it, or do without. Communication is the key!


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## Bruce Monkhouse (26 Dec 2006)

Pea said:
			
		

> I've been told time and time again, by men I date, that women are just too complicated. Supposedly that is why I basically have to set his desktop background to a picture of what I want for X-mas, in order to get it through to him. But, I truly think the problem is that men are too simple. I throw hints like CRAZY, about anything and everything.  ;D



I'm sorry,..did you say something????


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## rmacqueen (26 Dec 2006)

Ok, here's my situation.  My daughter has grown up and no longer lives at home so no more assembly projects to worry about right?  Nope, the evil child thinks it would be great fun to give me and her boyfriend this military figure that has to be completely assembled including the variety of weapons that it comes with.  The box says it includes instructions but when we open it up the "instructions" are nothing more than  a picture of the thing when assembled.

Sooooo, two hours later we finally get the thing together and guess what?  We have three pieces that we can't figure what they are for.  Another half hour of going on the website and changing pieces around before just giving up.

The moral is, don't start feeling complacent just because they have grown up because it comes back to bite you in the a**.  Now, if I can only figure out how this mp3 player works.


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## zipperhead_cop (26 Dec 2006)

rmacqueen said:
			
		

> Sooooo, two hours later we finally get the thing together and guess what?  We have three pieces  that we can't figure what they are for.  Another half hour of going on the website and changing pieces around before just giving up.



Typically, "arms" attach at the shoulders, by the large end.  The other end with the five "fingers" can be used to simulate holding the stick thing, often called a "rifle".  
Bonne Chance   ;D


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## rmacqueen (26 Dec 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> Typically, "arms" attach at the shoulders, by the large end.  The other end with the five "fingers" can be used to simulate holding the stick thing, often called a "rifle".


Arms?  Now I have to go back and do it again ;D

These are the full extent of the instructions http://www.stikfas.com/images/prod_greenm02.jpg

_Edit for spelling_


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## IN HOC SIGNO (28 Dec 2006)

So Mrs IHS has been enjoying her IPOD. The one I had to quiz her girlfriend about till I got the info on what she wanted. Here's a question for you female types out there. What happens when the girlfriend finally spills the beans that I didn't get the info cause I suddenly remembered a conversation with Mrs IHS where she expressly said "I want an IPOD?" I just can't believe that that ever happened anyway...but you never know.
I don't seem to remember it being this difficult in years gone by. Is it a menopause thing? my memory? or is she seriously messing with my mind? :


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## navymich (28 Dec 2006)

IHS --- all of the above  ;D

As for if her gf spills the beans, have an extra gift standing by waiting (maybe a fancy accessory for her new IPOD?), beg forgiveness and butter her up.


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## zipperhead_cop (28 Dec 2006)

No way!  Never cave that easily.
Blame the friend.  Say "I asked her if she thought you would like an iPod, and she said she thought you would.  I was just confirming that you still wanted it".  Then spin it off like _obviously_ there has been some misunderstanding.  Women don't expect us to be sneaky, so she will assume you are just being dumb and abandon the conversation.  
At least that works for me (sometimes  )


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## IN HOC SIGNO (29 Dec 2006)

airmich said:
			
		

> IHS --- all of the above  ;D
> 
> As for if her gf spills the beans, have an extra gift standing by waiting (maybe a fancy accessory for her new IPOD?), beg forgiveness and butter her up.



She's already talking a sub woofer speaker thingie for the IPOD....this is all a freaking plot isn't it? :crybaby:
I think Zip's got it...I've got to duck and weave...crap her birthday is Feb 9 I'd better start listening for those hints eh?? :-\


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## NL_engineer (29 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> She's already talking a sub woofer speaker thingies for the IPOD....this is all a freaking plot isn't it? :crybaby:
> I think Zip's got it...I've got to duck and weave...crap her birthday is Feb 9 I'd better start listening for those hints eh?? :-\



You better start shopping now ;D  At least that way you can you can save a few bucks, wile the Boxing day sales are still on.


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## navymich (29 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> She's already talking a sub woofer speaker thingie for the IPOD....this is all a freaking plot isn't it? :crybaby:
> I think Zip's got it...I've got to duck and weave...crap her birthday is Feb 9 I'd better start listening for those hints eh?? :-\



_Start_ listening?  Uh oh, you're in trouble again.  Her birthday is just over a month away.  You don't think she's already dropped some hints??  

(BTW, you DO know that you need to compensate the females on this site that give you advice, right?  )


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## zipperhead_cop (30 Dec 2006)

airmich said:
			
		

> (BTW, you DO know that you need to compensate the females on this site that give you advice, right?  )



He's doing what all guys do.  Provide the illusion of interest while being spoken to, then do what you want in the long run.   :warstory:


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## rmacqueen (30 Dec 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> He's doing what all guys do.  Provide the illusion of interest while being spoken to, then do what you want in the long run.   :warstory:


A man's mind:

Upon entering the mall, a guy recites in his head what he came to buy.

_Speakers for Ipod. Speakers for Ipod.  Oh look, a lingerie store.  Now, what was it she wanted again?  Right, she said lingerie._

The extra caring husband will also throw in some beer to make the night really special for her.

Women just do not understand all the thought a man puts into buying gifts, the ingrates ;D


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## IN HOC SIGNO (30 Dec 2006)

airmich said:
			
		

> _Start_ listening?  Uh oh, you're in trouble again.  Her birthday is just over a month away.  You don't think she's already dropped some hints??
> 
> (BTW, you DO know that you need to compensate the females on this site that give you advice, right?  )



See...I came outright last night and said "What do you want for your birthday?" And she said
"I'm thinking about it." 
Now will that info get communicated, via normal means when the thinking is done, or will it be "You should know what I want." again?
This means I have to really concentrate on listening....urgh I'm doomed.
 :crybaby:
airmich...does this compensation come in a little blue bag by any chance?

Zip and macqueen you guys are absolute mind readers...wow!
That's exactly how I do it....recite it over and over in my head! That's how I did it with the IPOD....and there were a lot of distractions on the way to The Source in MIC MAC mall....first there was a cute gal selling Rogers subscriptions in a nifty little elf suit! That was tough but I just got louder in my head....IPOD, IPOD, IPOD....Then I had to pass the NASCAR/NHL collectible booth....that was tough cause it was right outside the Source.....I contemplated getting her a Vancouver Cannucks clock and matching waste basket....luckily I had written "IPOD" in ink on my right hand so when I picked up the shiny Cannuck clock IPOD stared me in the face....so I carried on to the Source.
When I got in there a guy pounced on me right away and said "Can I help you?" Geez I almost bolted right there...."HELP?!" (Did I look helpless? Showing signs of weakness?) I managed to blurt out between clenched teeth, "IPOD" The guy says "ah what kind of IPOD?" (FRIG!!!! There's different kinds??)
To my blank stare he says "The Nano is very popular." Ah, thinks I, Nano, nanny...sounds kind of feminine and nice....."Yeah yeah that's it," I say, "Nano."
"What size?" he says. (God more questions....just give me the thing!)
"A big one...." I say.
He smiles condescendingly and says "they come in "2 gig, 4 gig, 6 gig or you can go for something a little fancier that shows videos and...."
So I go for the 2 gig.....how many songs can she listen to anyway? But of course he unloads all the accessories on me....carrying case, Itune card,,,,which is great cause I can wrap them separately and it looks like 3 presents instead of one (I'm a freaking genius!). ;D

She looked kinda miffed after opening three things and it was all about the same thing. While I was sitting with my Satelite radio, digital camera and heated vest for my motorcycle! Hmm I might pay for this later....I have to start listening!  :'(


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## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> She looked kinda miffed after opening three things and it was all about the same thing. While I was sitting with my Satelite radio, digital camera and heated vest for my motorcycle! Hmm I might pay for this later....I have to start listening!  :'(



Easy way to recover from this.  SPOIL her rotten for her birthday.  Gifts, spa day, supper etc.  And at the end of it all, when she is all smiles and tears and big thank yous "Christmas is about so much more then just giving and receiving.  I didn't want to take away from that, so I kept it lowkey this year.  But now today, today is YOUR day.  I love you honey, you mean so very much to me."

(that blue bag is getting bigger IHS )


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## IN HOC SIGNO (30 Dec 2006)

airmich said:
			
		

> Easy way to recover from this.  SPOIL her rotten for her birthday.  Gifts, spa day, supper etc.  And at the end of it all, when she is all smiles and tears and big thank yous "Christmas is about so much more then just giving and receiving.  I didn't want to take away from that, so I kept it lowkey this year.  But now today, today is YOUR day.  I love you honey, you mean so very much to me."
> 
> (that blue bag is getting bigger IHS )



Holy Crap that's brilliant! I'm writing "Spa Day" on my hand!
Is a day pass to the Stad Gym equivalent to that? They have a sauna and that...and she can swim...if she stays in her lane....?? ;D


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## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> Holy Crap that's brilliant! I'm writing "Spa Day" on my hand!
> Is a day pass to the Stad Gym equivalent to that? They have a sauna and that...and she can swim...if she stays in her lane....?? ;D



Who really cares about the spa? The part of Mich's post that should scare you (obviously you are a man) is the reference to the blue bag getting bigger. The veiled reference by Mich to the Tiffany's Robins Egg Blue bag is the _absolute most important _ part of her whole post!! Take it from me (I'm a girl)!!!  ;D


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## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> Is a day pass to the Stad Gym equivalent to that? They have a sauna and that...and she can swim...if she stays in her lane....?? ;D



If you get her a day pass to Stad gym, you might as well go for broke and take her across the street for supper and back to Timmie's on base for dessert, because after something like that, you'd be lucky to ever be OUT on a day pass.  :

Thanks for the help Vern.  Sometimes they need a good smack to see the obvious.  What he might have missed also though, is the fact that we now have some good blackmail on him.  That must count for an even bigger bag. 8)


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## Bruce Monkhouse (30 Dec 2006)

Wait,...full stop.........there trying to snow ya.

First thing my wife does is make sure I don't spend too much on her. She gave me :evil: the look [brrrrr]when she thought I bought her more than one Christmas present.  

These girls are just trying to see how far you'll go.................


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## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> Wait,...full stop.........there trying to snow ya.
> 
> First thing my wife does is make sure I don't spend too much on her. She gave me  [brrrrr]when she thought I bought her more than one Christmas present.
> 
> These girls are just trying to see how far you'll go.................



The "look" is part of it all Bruce.  You haven't figured that one out yet?  Jeeez.  I can't give away all of our secrets, so I won't go any further on that.  But hmmmm, gets me to thinking though why I never met your wife when I was in town for the meet.  Don't trust me, or don't trust her?


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## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> Wait,...full stop.........there trying to snow ya.
> 
> First thing my wife does is make sure I don't spend too much on her. She gave me :evil: the look [brrrrr]when she thought I bought her more than one Christmas present.
> 
> These girls are just trying to see how far you'll go.................




Wrong!!

Had what you spent on her arrived at her house in a Robins Egg Blue Bag from Tiffany's, I can assure you that you would have gotten quite the look plus a whole bunch more on top of that!!  ;D

Trust me, we wimmen work in sync, we are snowing nobody!!  ;D

Bring her a blue bag and find out that Mich & I are not lying!!


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## Bruce Monkhouse (30 Dec 2006)

Maybe its just the superior Quebecoise women thing then............right Journeyman?


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## George Wallace (30 Dec 2006)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Bring her a blue bag and find out that Mich & I are not lying!!



Are you allowed substitutions?

Could I put it in my old UN Ballcap, or UN Tuque?


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## IN HOC SIGNO (30 Dec 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> Are you allowed substitutions?
> 
> Could I put it in my old UN Ballcap, or UN Tuque?



I've got an old UN brassard too to go with the ball cap and toque! ;D


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## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

UN blue does not equal Tiffany's Robins Egg Blue gentlemen, neither in Quebec or elsewhere in the world!!


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## Shamrock (30 Dec 2006)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> UN blue does not equal Tiffany's Robins Egg Blue gentlemen, neither in Quebec or elsewhere in the world!!



When the hell did there start being more than one type of blue?


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## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

Stand in line Shamrock!

Vern and I seem to already have our hands full "teaching".  And you are WAY behind in class (you can take whatever meaning of that word that you want ).  ;D


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## rmacqueen (30 Dec 2006)

It seems to me that we have failed to address the important question in all this, how much is she giving you to spend?  Surely you don't have your own money


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## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

*sigh*  not you too Macqueen.

If we gave you money for our present, we might as well go and buy it ourselves. (NO, don't get that thought in your head, NOT happening).  What you are supposed to do, is squirrel away a portion of your allowance everytime you get it, just for occasions like these.  ;D  (oh, and sell off hockey cards, tools, and any other non-essential parts of your life!)


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## Thompson_JM (30 Dec 2006)

Dont Worry Mich, at least youve got one less Student..... Being the Sensitive Modern Male I am already in touch with all these things..... I know how to take my lady out for a nice night on the town....... you know... assuming i had one....... but i mean I am a gentlemen... I let her pick her own meal from the menu, and i even let her upsize her fries and i'll splurge and get her a Mcflurry too!  ;D


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## Yrys (30 Dec 2006)

Tommy said:
			
		

> Being the Sensitive Modern Male I am already in touch with all these things.....
> and i even let her upsize her fries and i'll splurge and get her a Mcflurry too!  ;D




WOW! you're not realistic about yours quality, are you ?


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Yrys said:
			
		

> WOW! you're not realistic about yours quality, are you ?



Well, at least his post goes far to re-inforce that he is _not_ a metro-sexual.

Now, about that lack of woman Tommy, you've obviously had girlfriends whom were _not_ presented with the blue Tiffany's bag. Buck up lad, you still have lots of learning to do!!  ;D


----------



## Thompson_JM (30 Dec 2006)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Well, at least his post goes far to re-inforce that he is _not_ a metro-sexual.
> 
> Now, about that lack of woman Tommy, you've obviously had girlfriends whom were _not_ presented with the blue Tiffany's bag. Buck up lad, you still have lots of learning to do!!  ;D



No, Unfortunately Peoples was the best I could do......  being a student meant Diamond Chips instead of the Full size stones.... but i was SMRT... I bought the Insurance on the ring in case the stone was lost.... which came in handy since the Emerald in the Center Fell out, and she got it all fixed free of charge... and they replaced the stone too! (since it fell out without her knowing...)

In the great words of Family Guy "Diamonds...... She'll Pretty much have to.."   ;D


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Tommy said:
			
		

> No, Unfortunately Peoples was the best I could do......  being a student meant Diamond Chips instead of the Full size stones.... but i was SMRT... I bought the Insurance on the ring in case the stone was lost.... which came in handy since the Emerald in the Center Fell out, and she got it all fixed free of charge... and they replaced the stone too! (since it fell out without her knowing...)
> 
> In the great words of Family Guy "Diamonds...... She'll Pretty much have to.."   ;D



This whole post only re-confirms your requirement for further educating!!  ;D


----------



## Thompson_JM (30 Dec 2006)

I dont Think I can afford that many Blue Bags!  ;D


----------



## Danjanou (30 Dec 2006)

D9er liked her diamond earings, good think I supersized em


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

Danjanou said:
			
		

> D9er liked her diamond earings, good think I supersized em



Yep, one thing that you can't get into trouble over buying a bigger size.  

Well done, Danjanou!  You can go out for recess now while we keep the rest of the class in for remedial training.


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Tommy said:
			
		

> I dont Think I can afford that many Blue Bags!  ;D



Just one should work for quite awhile!! The bigger the bag, the longer it lasts. Unless of course one would happen to be a single male, in which case, the very small bag that contains the ring with the big rock will last a very long time...unless of course you or she decides that she should be a "training wife" only.


----------



## Danjanou (30 Dec 2006)

I had my recess Wed night >


----------



## Thompson_JM (30 Dec 2006)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Just one should work for quite awhile!! The bigger the bag, the longer it lasts. Unless of course one would happen to be a single male, in which case, the very small bag that contains the ring with the big rock will last a very long time...unless of course you or she decides that she should be a "training wife" only.



Hence why I believe that the Date/courting phase should last a fairly significant time to ensure that the possibility of a Trg Wife Mk I does not occur


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Danjanou said:
			
		

> D9er liked her diamond earings, good think I supersized em



You are our proof that Mich & I are not snowing the men!! We suggested it, you followed through (although with some bit of prompting from us lovely Army.ca dudettes), and you have lived through one more Christmas to tell the tale!!

You are our success story!!


----------



## Bruce Monkhouse (30 Dec 2006)

I wish there was as much snow on my local hill as there is in this thread................SNOW JOB


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

You, Mr. Monkhouse, can go and stand in the corner until you are through disrupting the students who want to learn.  







 ;D


----------



## Bruce Monkhouse (30 Dec 2006)

Go with my course.........EGO101.......It will impart the ability to the male student to make the female realize that she is just damn lucky to have a man like yourself.
Worth its cost in useless shiny rocks the first two years.

Courses are full right now but there might be an opening late next year.....


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> Go with my course.........EGO101.......It will impart the ability to the male student to make the female realize that she is just damn lucky to have a man like yourself.
> Worth its cost in useless shiny rocks the first two years.
> 
> Courses are full right now but there might be an opening late next year.....



Yep, "_she wants you...she just doesn't know it yet_." Where have I heard that before?
Making her "know-it" comes much faster and easily with aforementioned blue bag!!
1st lesson of EGO101 I believe!!  ;D


----------



## Thompson_JM (30 Dec 2006)

So then is it safe to say Vern that the only real lesson the man needs is to bring home the Blue bag?

with some smaller lectures on Spa's Soft Music, the importance of candlelight, and the correct way to answer "How do i look in this?"


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Tommy said:
			
		

> So then is it safe to say Vern that the only real lesson the man needs is to bring home the Blue bag?
> 
> with some smaller lectures on Spa's Soft Music, the importance of candlelight, and the correct way to answer "How do i look in this?"



You are almost spot-on here. But I can assure you that there is no correct answer to this....





> "How do i look in this?"


 EVER!!!  >


----------



## Bruce Monkhouse (30 Dec 2006)

Sure there is,...."Almost as good as I would"..........[a]totally defuses the situation, [b} makes her appreciate your sense of humour, [c] might offer to take it off right there to see how it would look on you [ who cares as long as she's naked]

Anything more info and I would be infringing on my own copyrights to EGO101.


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> [ who cares as long as she's naked]


This is assured with blue bag as part of the fringe-benefits plan.


----------



## Bruce Monkhouse (30 Dec 2006)

Thats not what we were discussing at this time............once more EGO101 has totally thrown a poor hapless woman off track.


...and i can do the same for you, just click here and you will be on the way.
 EGO101


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> Thats not what we were discussing at this time............once more EGO101 has totally thrown a poor hapless woman off track.
> 
> 
> ...and i can do the same for you, just click here and you will be on the way.
> EGO101



Thank you for the compliment Bruce, I have never been called poor and hapless before!!  

No thanks to the subscription, I already have one!  ;D


----------



## IN HOC SIGNO (30 Dec 2006)

OK so I'm getting confused. Airmich says to take her out to the North End Beverage room (across from the main gate at Stad on Gottingen St) for supper, and then back to the Timmie's at A Block for dessert...this on top of the day pass to the Stad Gym for her "Spa day." Is this kinda like the A&W commercial where the guy and his wife are having nostalgic thoughts while munching on Teen burgers? "Fancy Scmancy" ;D


----------



## Babs087 (30 Dec 2006)

Hell im a sucker for A & W burgers!


----------



## Sig_Des (30 Dec 2006)

Tommy said:
			
		

> the correct way to answer "How do i look in this?"



That question has always been a trap...


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

airmich said:
			
		

> If you get her a day pass to Stad gym, you might as well go for broke and take her across the street for supper and back to Timmie's on base for dessert, because after something like that, you'd be lucky to ever be OUT on a day pass.  :



IHS, I guess I should have written [sarcasm] around my post, but I thought the rolling eyes might show you it.  I've quoted my post above for you to read again. 

My apologies to you for any confusion.  Next time I will type slower and use smaller words.


----------



## NL_engineer (30 Dec 2006)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> That question has always been a trap...



The reply should always be "What do you think?" then agree with the answer despite what you may think  ;D


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

NL_engineer said:
			
		

> The reply should always be "What do you think?" then agree with the answer despite what you may think  ;D



We already know how we look, or how we think we look, so that answer is just going to come right back at you!!


----------



## Sig_Des (30 Dec 2006)

This should probably be split into it's own thread...

*Lessons from the women of Army.ca* (That will most likely be ignored by the men of Army.ca)


----------



## George Wallace (30 Dec 2006)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> This should probably be split into it's own thread...
> 
> *Lessons from the women of Army.ca* (That will most likely be ignored by the men of Army.ca)



In other words: "This is why Daddy drinks at Christmas"


----------



## NL_engineer (30 Dec 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> In other words: "This is why Daddy drinks at Christmas"



 :rofl:


----------



## Sig_Des (30 Dec 2006)

heheh...touché


----------



## Shamrock (30 Dec 2006)

So, if I get the Mrs. a blender and wrap it in a robin's egg blue bag, I'll be in the clear?


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> So, if I get the Mrs. a blender and wrap it in a robin's egg blue bag, I'll be in the clear?



NO!  *sigh*  You would actually be in even more trouble.  You can't get the bag unless you buy something there, so she will be wondering who got what was originally in the bag.  And don't try to say "I pulled it out of the garbage/borrowed it from Fred" or any other attempts along those lines, because she SO will NOT believe a story like that.


----------



## George Wallace (30 Dec 2006)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> So, if I get the Mrs. a blender and wrap it in a robin's egg blue bag, I'll be in the clear?



You may want to go with the high end glass model, over the plastic.  Better for crushing ice, as the plastic has a tendency to crack.  Oh!  Don't forget to take the blender in and have "Birks" or "Cartier" etched onto it.   ;D


----------



## Babs087 (30 Dec 2006)

You forgot Tiffany & Co.


----------



## Journeyman (30 Dec 2006)

Why do I feel like I'm watching some guy trying to slice his wrists with an electric razor, and you folks are offering him knives and scissors?  :-\


Oh, what the hell......go on IHS, ya pussy. Are you going to let a woman push you around? Get her a subscription to _Sports Illustrated _ and tell her to quit her whining while you go out for a beer!   >



We're going to miss you around here.


----------



## Babs087 (30 Dec 2006)

Screw sports illistrated.Id settle for some dirty mags.    (rolls eyes)


----------



## NL_engineer (30 Dec 2006)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> So, if I get the Mrs. a blender and wrap it in a robin's egg blue bag, I'll be in the clear?



If you don't mind being 6' under ground  ;D

Buy her clothing that she says looks nice (make shore it is just right or smaller)  then again that could be why my last gf broke up whit me  >


----------



## zipperhead_cop (30 Dec 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> In other words: "This is why Daddy drinks at Christmas"



Actually, this is starting to drift into "This is why Daddy drinks all Year"

As for the question "do these pants make my butt look big" just so you women all know, inside we are burning to say "No, your big ass makes your pants look big".  We don't, because we are not suicidal.  However, we all have self-amusement tendencies and are thinking it.  
+1 on chick scam.  Only young guys would get sucked in by the "money for love" crap.  Play your cards right, and you don't have to spend money like crazy.  And if you find yourself saddled with a gold digger that is hung up on designer labels or such crap, dump her like a bad sabot round into the misfire pit.  No good comes of a materialistic woman, unless you are crazy rich (and then it is still bad).  
Okay, wenches.  Bring it.... :warstory:


----------



## Shamrock (30 Dec 2006)

I'll merge advice.

If I go to Tiffany's and get her some really big pants, I can say, "See hon, now we don't have to do a safety template on your zipper any more."


----------



## Babs087 (30 Dec 2006)

I resent being called a wench!   Now go get me a beer.    Man Biotch


----------



## zipperhead_cop (30 Dec 2006)

Babs087 said:
			
		

> I resent being called a wench!   Now go get me a beer.    Man Biotch



Heh.  See, now I actually don't mind that coming from a woman....


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

I WILL agree with zip on "Play your cards right, and you don't have to spend money like crazy."  However, his view of playing them right, and the right view of playing them right, are 2 different views.

IF you play your cards right, means that you buy a token gift that would go into the blue bag, you won't have to spend money as often pleasing her, because that one gift will cover you for awhile1.  Not saying that you don't ever buy her anything again, but you will not be required to match the level of it for a bit2.  Another example of playing your cards right is getting her what she hinted at without having to get her to repeat it (or getting the scoop from a gf). 


1. that's for you to figure out on your own, as to when the time has expired.  We can't (and won't!) tell you everything.
2. see note 1


----------



## NL_engineer (30 Dec 2006)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> I'll merge advice.
> 
> If I go to Tiffany's and get her some really big pants, I can say, "See hon, now we don't have to do a safety template on your zipper any more."



You might as well pick your self out a nice coffin, and head stone while you are at it  ;D


----------



## Jacqueline (30 Dec 2006)

Women *do not* want to hear " Oh yes love, your butt looks nice and small in those jeans"!


----------



## George Wallace (30 Dec 2006)

Miss Jacqueline said:
			
		

> Women *do not* want to hear " Oh yes love, your butt looks nice and small in those jeans"!



Yeah!  Sure!

And I suppose they want to hear the Truth?    NOT!

Even SILENCE is the WRONG ANSWER.  There is no correct answer to that.........................It is a Loaded Question to bring on the tears and some guilt on the part of the offending party, who must now comfort and perhaps buy something in that Gawd awful Blue thingamabob to bring a smile to one's honey's face.........I'm due for another Scotch..................


----------



## zipperhead_cop (30 Dec 2006)

I usually use something to the effect of "you look just as great in them today as the last time I saw you in them".  Then I get frisky.  Then I get pushed away.  Then I go downstairs and check the Weather Network.     
But at least the question/mine field gets dodged.


----------



## Jacqueline (30 Dec 2006)

How about "It looks _nice_ in those jeans, or _full_ in those jeans," anything but _small_. For real! No joke.


----------



## zipperhead_cop (30 Dec 2006)

Miss Jacqueline said:
			
		

> "It looks _nice_ in those jeans,



 ???  As in "it puts the lotion in the basket" ?  [queue Bob Dillon "American Girl"]


----------



## Jacqueline (30 Dec 2006)

No!


----------



## George Wallace (30 Dec 2006)

This thread could turn into quite the "Drinking Game" if we keep going.


----------



## Jacqueline (30 Dec 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> This thread could turn into quite the "Drinking Game" if we keep going.



What's "The Drinking Game"?


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> This thread could turn into quite the "Drinking Game" if we keep going.



Especially if either the man drinks everytime someone mentions "Robin's egg blue" or if the female has to drink everytime THE MAN DOESN'T GET IT!!   ;D


----------



## NL_engineer (30 Dec 2006)

Miss Jacqueline said:
			
		

> How about "It looks _nice_ in those jeans, or _full_ in those jeans," anything but _small_. For real! No joke.



No, because she then says "I think they make me look fat (or something else along those lines)"  and then procedes to give you the LOOK.


----------



## Mike Baker (30 Dec 2006)

Miss Jacqueline said:
			
		

> What's "The Drinking Game"?


Its when you drink, and drink, and drink, and drink, drink some more, and then drink. I know this game a lot, 'cause my daddy plays it


----------



## Babs087 (30 Dec 2006)

OK. TOTALLY AVOID the big or fat comments when it comes to pants. A simple "It makes your butt look nice" is what she wants to hear.


----------



## aesop081 (30 Dec 2006)

Theres no right answer to " do these pants make my ass look fat"

if you say anything, you become either a liar or an asshole.... 

Best thing is to avoid ever being placed in a situation where that question may come up


----------



## Jacqueline (30 Dec 2006)

Or you could  say you'd rather just get physical and it doesn't matter how she looks in them. And then say because she turns your night into day when she walks by you, say anything sweet.  :-X


----------



## aesop081 (30 Dec 2006)

Miss Jacqueline said:
			
		

> Or you could  say you'd rather just get physical and it doesn't matter how she looks in them. And then say because she turns your night into day when she walks by you, say anything sweet.  :-X



see....thats the "liar" part.........


----------



## zipperhead_cop (30 Dec 2006)

How about....don't ask the question?  We don't want to answer it, you won't like our answer.  Rely on your girlfriends to artificially prop up your insecurities.


----------



## aesop081 (30 Dec 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> artificially *prop up * your insecurities.



....i would have said "deflate"   ;D sinc we are talking about her big ass


----------



## navymich (30 Dec 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> How about....don't ask the question?  We don't want to answer it, you won't like our answer.  Rely on your girlfriends to artificially prop up your insecurities.



Personally, I don't ask the question.  If I don't like what I see, then I change, for me.  If and when I get a compliment from a guy, that it feels even better because it is coming without prompting.


----------



## Jacqueline (30 Dec 2006)

Yeah who asks the question these days?


----------



## aesop081 (30 Dec 2006)

Ladies everywhere.....remember the old saying " don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer"

'nuff said


----------



## Danjanou (30 Dec 2006)

The minute the whole “honey do these pants make my ass look big?” question there is only one immediate action…. Leave immediately. Don’t respond, don’t lie, don’t try to change the subject. None of these will work and will only result in pain lots of pain.

You have an escape window of 3-5 seconds max and then you’re dead. Get out of the house and go and keep going. This is where I recommend the safety deposit box with her fake ID and info re the off shore account. Caymans is good, Panama is better.

If you don’t have this set up prior (and then maybe you deserve to die because you are obviously too stupid to live) the recommended alternative is the French Foreign Legion. It’s five years enlistment time for her to stop looking for you and seek a new victim (they won’t admit you’re their in the first place either). After that they give you a nice new name and ID to go with ( it’s usually a French Passport but no plan is perfect).


----------



## George Wallace (30 Dec 2006)

I think that calls for a DRINK.

You had better hurry, as the French Foreign Legion option is soon to be a thing of the past.


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

NL_engineer said:
			
		

> Buy her clothing that she says looks nice (make shore it is just right* or smaller*)



Never do this!!! What are you trying to tell her? That she needs to go on a diet to fit into her smaller pants? That you prefer her a size or two smaller? Because that's what she'll hear!! And then, boy, are you ever going to hear it!!

If you do want to do this, buy yourself a shovel to dig that grave with.

Vern


----------



## armyvern (30 Dec 2006)

cdnaviator said:
			
		

> Theres no right answer to " do these pants make my *** look fat"



I have only ever heard one correct answer to this question...and boy he was either lucky or got lucky, or perhaps both!!  ;D


----------



## Thompson_JM (30 Dec 2006)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> I have only ever heard one correct answer to this question...and boy he was either lucky or got lucky, or perhaps both!!  ;D



Are you going to give us this answer or make us  guess?


----------



## GO!!! (30 Dec 2006)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Never do this!!! What are you trying to tell her? That she needs to go on a diet to fit into her smaller pants? That you prefer her a size or two smaller? Because that's what she'll hear!! And then, boy, are you ever going to hear it!!
> 
> If you do want to do this, buy yourself a shovel to dig that grave with.
> 
> Vern



pish posh.

I would expect that in the 21 century, educated, intelligent (she married me!) woman should be able to hear the truth about their little bums, without blowing a gasket, bursting into tears or attempting to withold sex (seriously, no woman can resist me!).

You can't have it both ways; are you a delicate, retarded flower, who can't hear the terrible truth for fear it may turn on the tears? Or an empowered renaissance woman, who seeks and deserves the correct information when she asks a question?

The best way to ensure that you are not misunderstood is to tell the truth in as few words as possible.

"the jeans have nothing to do with it, the fact that you went to a candle party instead of the gym last night makes your a$s look fat"

See? Look at that, encouraging physical fitness, and discouraging shopping at the same time! Sometimes I amaze myself!


----------



## Sig_Des (30 Dec 2006)

Tommy said:
			
		

> Are you going to give us this answer or make us  guess?



It Doesn't matter how you look in those pants, you look great out of them?


----------



## Thompson_JM (30 Dec 2006)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> It Doesn't matter how you look in those pants, you look great out of them?



Teach me oh jedi master.....


----------



## Sig_Des (30 Dec 2006)

Tommy said:
			
		

> Teach me oh jedi master.....



I dunno about that one...remember, I'm 50/50 slap/poured drink


----------



## Klc (30 Dec 2006)

50/50? I like those odds...  ;D

Better then I've ever came up with.


----------



## IN HOC SIGNO (31 Dec 2006)

OK Mich I was joking...I get it I really do. I'm going to try your suggestion. hehe...I think I'm learning ;D


----------



## navymich (31 Dec 2006)

Just for doing so well IHS, you don't have to come to school tomorrow. 

Seriously though, make sure you let us know how the birthday gift turns out!!  We always like to hear from our graduates.


----------



## Pea (31 Dec 2006)

Wow.. How have I missed this thread?... 

First of all, where is the drool icon?.. Robin's egg blue... God yes!!!

Vern, Mich.. good to see the men have been in good hands!! Listen to these ladies, I agree 100% with everything they have said.


----------



## navymich (31 Dec 2006)

How's this Pea:


----------



## Pea (31 Dec 2006)

=  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 ;D


----------



## IN HOC SIGNO (31 Dec 2006)

Are we allowed to post things that make us drool??


----------



## zipperhead_cop (31 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> Are we allowed to post things that make us drool??



If they want that over expensive crap, they know mouths are going to come into play at some point.   >


----------



## GO!!! (31 Dec 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> If they want that over expensive crap, they know mouth*s* are going to come into play at some point.   >



nice use of the plural


----------



## rmacqueen (31 Dec 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> OK Mich I was joking...I get it I really do. I'm going to try your suggestion. hehe...I think I'm learning ;D


Noooooo, she is seducing you with the power of the dark side.  It looks inviting but it is a trap you cannot get out of.  Once they have you it rapidly spirals until you are left a quivering mass that is always wrong but never knowing why.

Here is an example, you buy her that big rock or that Tiffany bag we keep hearing about.  Sure, you will have bought her affection but it is fleeting.  The problem is that the next gift will have to be bigger and better or she will take it as a sign that you don't care as much as you used to.  Then the guilt will kick in, you will rush out and buy something to make it up to her but she will just look at you in disdain because you didn't buy it in the first place.

Once she has you in that cycle, keeping you off balance, not knowing the right answer, she uses the next mind trick of berating you for spending the money in the first place.  You will get the "we can't afford this, how dare you spend that kind of money"  Mind you, if you don't buy the gift you are in just as much trouble.  You can't win and that is the trap.  You end up stumbling about, no where to turn, not knowing up from down.  If you are lucky you will have a workshop to escape to but that is only a temporary sanctuary as she knows sooner or later you will emerge for food or beer.

This video is a fine example of the trap that men fall into.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-O4mJKEEqQ


----------



## zipperhead_cop (31 Dec 2006)

rmacqueen said:
			
		

> This video is a fine example of the trap that men fall into.
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-O4mJKEEqQ



Good points.  
IN HOC, you are being influenced by women with education.  No good comes of that.  Watch this educational video and you will realize what is going on here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6gE8fGpCck&mode=related&search=

 :warstory:


----------



## armyvern (31 Dec 2006)

rmacqueen said:
			
		

> Once she has you in that cycle



Speaking of cycles...

Can't you men come up with anything more original for your Christmas wish lists than asking for the latest power tool (which seems to never get used to do important things like building the wife a new walk-in closet), alcohol (which does not mix well with the new power tool -my own husband is experienced/maimed in this area), or boobs (be it by new magazine subscription you receive as stocking stuffer or whatever...)?

At Christmas, the least you could do was come up with something original to add into the Holy man's Triangle of needs, after all you are going to get that turkey sandwhich part for quite a few days.

edited to add:

OK boys, I'm willing to trade in my husbands remote (pic found below) for something from Tiffanys...takers???


----------



## rmacqueen (31 Dec 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> Good points.
> IN HOC, you are being influenced by women with education.  No good comes of that.  Watch this educational video and you will realize what is going on here:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6gE8fGpCck&mode=related&search=


Be warned, before showing this video to your wife/significant other, have your sanctuary prepared.  Workshop, shed, bathroom, all are good as long as they have a door capable of deflecting flying objects.



			
				The Librarian said:
			
		

> Can't you men come up with anything more original for your Christmas wish lists than asking for the latest power tool (which seems to never get used to do important things like building the wife a new walk-in closet)


Gives excuse to have workshop


			
				The Librarian said:
			
		

> alcohol


Helps to numb the guilt of not having bought the right present


			
				The Librarian said:
			
		

> or boobs (be it by new magazine subscription you receive as stocking stuffer or whatever...)?


Something to look at while pretending to work in the workshop


			
				The Librarian said:
			
		

> alcohol (which does not mix well with the new power tool -my own husband is experienced/maimed in this area)


Have you been talking to my wife?


----------



## armyvern (31 Dec 2006)

Oh, but I have just edited my post below to include a pic of the perfect man-gift!!

Vern


----------



## GO!!! (31 Dec 2006)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Speaking of cycles...
> 
> Can't you men come up with anything more original for your Christmas wish lists than asking for the latest power tool (which seems to never get used to do important things like building the wife a new walk-in closet), alcohol (which does not mix well with the new power tool -my own husband is experienced/maimed in this area), or boobs (be it by new magazine subscription you receive as stocking stuffer or whatever...)?
> 
> At Christmas, the least you could do was come up with something original to add into the Holy man's Triangle of needs, after all you are going to get that turkey sandwhich part for quite a few days.



 :

So when a woman slobbers on the counter at Birks over something wildly impractical, humungously expensive and doomed to be worn only 3 times a year, this is acceptable and normal, but when I ask for tools, kit and booze, I'm dull and predictable?

My new arktis webbing will do far more good in this world than a 1ct IF trilliant cut solitaire!


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## rmacqueen (31 Dec 2006)

GO!!! said:
			
		

> My new arktis webbing will do far more good in this world than a 1ct IF trilliant cut solitaire!


You're single, aren't you? ;D


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## armyvern (31 Dec 2006)

GO!!! said:
			
		

> :
> 
> So when a woman slobbers on the counter at Birks over something wildly impractical, humungously expensive and doomed to be worn only 3 times a year, this is acceptable and normal, but when I ask for tools, kit and booze, I'm dull and predictable?
> 
> My new arktis webbing will do far more good in this world than a 1ct IF trilliant cut solitaire!



We slobber over jewelery like men slobber over women (which also seems to be apparently acceptable), nothing new there I'd point out. Slobbering over it is totally different than actually having it, in _both_ cases, I would hope!!  

Most usually never _ask_ for jewelery, because we know it's darn expensive and some of it only gets worn 3 times a year!! That was the intent of the suggestion, if you want to surprise her, with something totally unexpected, jewelery is a good place to go.

And if you asked for your webbing for Christmas, well that _is_ an original request.


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## GO!!! (31 Dec 2006)

rmacqueen said:
			
		

> You're single, aren't you? ;D



Nope. (she lurks here)



> Most usually never ask for jewelery, because we know it's darn expensive and some of it only gets worn 3 times a year!! That was the intent of the suggestion, if you want to surprise her, with something totally unexpected, jewelery is a good place to go.


Unexpected eh?

Maybe I'll get her that new Casio Pathfinder watch I she wanted. What a surprise! ;D



> And if you asked for your webbing for Christmas, well that is an original request.


Why? I deploy in Feb, and I need a good TV to replace the one I'm issued, I fixed her up with a supplier's name, price, pattern etc.

Oh, and slobbering over women is only acceptable if they like it.


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## Jewelle (31 Dec 2006)

Personally, I would like that miniature machine gun.  It is sooooo cute.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (31 Dec 2006)

I just showed that video to a select audience...the one about women and education. Having visitors from Gagetown I showed it to a male EME CFR-officer (50 something), his 20 year old son, a Sapper based in Valcartier, my 21 year old 4th yr University son, EME officer's wife (an arborist) and my own dear lovely wife (an Operating Room Nurse). Us men were killing ourselves laughing....but the women were not. Could it be that those women are just too educated to catch the humour?
We were having a lovely time...but now I can't help but notice that they are starting to have more and more opinions on things!!! Arggggh. ;D


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## Babs087 (31 Dec 2006)

Im sorry educated women (like myself) are wrecking all your fun ...... back to the kitchen i go.


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## GO!!! (31 Dec 2006)

Babs087 said:
			
		

> Im sorry educated women (like myself) are wrecking all your fun ...... back to the kitchen i go.



Pick up your chain - it's scratching the hardwood - now you'll have to strip and wax again!  ;D


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## Thompson_JM (31 Dec 2006)

GO!!! said:
			
		

> Pick up your chain - it's scratching the hardwood - now you'll have to strip and wax again!  ;D



Youre Only making more work for yourself Miss.


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## Babs087 (1 Jan 2007)

Thats ok, its probably better that i wax the floor. You did a shitty job the first time >


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## Shamrock (1 Jan 2007)

Bit of advice for the fellows.

If you're not familiar with Tiffany & Co. and do some web-research on the wife's computer... clear the cache when you're done.  She going to be some disappointed when she gets a blender for her birthday.


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## zipperhead_cop (1 Jan 2007)

But if I follow the thinking here, if it was a Tiffany's blender in a blue bag then it would be okay, and cool?


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## GO!!! (2 Jan 2007)

There you go honey, merry christmas!

http://www.tiffany.ca/shopping/category.aspx?cid=129090&mcat=148221&menu=4&isMenu=1

A beautiful Tiffany Prince Albert keychain! 

Robin's egg blue box - just like you wanted!  ;D


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## armyvern (2 Jan 2007)

GO!!! said:
			
		

> http://www.tiffany.ca/shopping/category.aspx?cid=129090&mcat=148221&menu=4&isMenu=1
> 
> A beautiful Tiffany Prince Albert keychain!



Hey!! I like that keychain!! I'll take one!


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## aesop081 (2 Jan 2007)

Who can afford to shop there !!!!!


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## armyvern (2 Jan 2007)

cdnaviator said:
			
		

> Who can afford to shop there !!!!!



Sadly, not most of us!!

I'd settle for a hug and a compliment anyday.


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## Fishbone Jones (2 Jan 2007)

Does Tiffany's sell vacuum cleaners? Kitchen utensils? Or washer/ dryer combos??

Wrapped in blue, of course.


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## Thompson_JM (2 Jan 2007)

Babs087 said:
			
		

> Thats ok, its probably better that i wax the floor. You did a shitty job the first time >



Well if you do something bad enough once, you wont get asked to do it a second time.......  ;D


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## armyvern (2 Jan 2007)

Tommy said:
			
		

> Well if you do something bad enough once, you wont get asked to do it a second time.......  ;D



BINGO!!


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## rmacqueen (2 Jan 2007)

Tommy said:
			
		

> Well if you do something bad enough once, you wont get asked to do it a second time.......  ;D


My wife caught on to that one :'(


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## GO!!! (2 Jan 2007)

rmacqueen said:
			
		

> My wife caught on to that one :'(



I did'nt let mine give up that easy - as an added bonus, those "instructional videos" I download all the time are bound to help!  >


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## IN HOC SIGNO (2 Jan 2007)

I think we are seriously straying from the original intent of this thread...why daddy drinks at Christmas....while we did talk about the games that women play around this time of year to make us poor hapless men go crazy and thus turn to the bottle in increasing numbers...the originator also lamented the fact that children's toys take rocket scientists to put them together.
I got a digital camera which is great but also had a lot of instructions with it.
I just want to point the stupid thing and shoot...I don't want to take up time reading about how to do this that or the other thing......I think the digital camera folks need to put out an Instamatic Digital Camera...i.e. Sailor proof! (as in "This sailor proof") ;D


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## Klc (2 Jan 2007)

Check out Kodak "Easyshare" Cameras. dinosaur proof.  ;D

Otherwise Casio and a couple other brands have 'easy modes' the camera can be locked into.


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## Journeyman (2 Jan 2007)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> *I just want to point the stupid thing and shoot...*


In that case, may I recommend this?


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## navymich (2 Jan 2007)

I got my mother a digital camera for XMas.  She's good for sitting there for hours and reading the instructions, but then still has tons of questions.  So I bought her one exactly like I have, so at least if she has a problem (long distance of course), it will be easier for me to talk her through it.

IHS: have you learned how to hook your camera up to this fancy thing called a computer and share your pictures with us?


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## niner domestic (2 Jan 2007)

IHS, see one way to solve the problem of putting kid's toys together is to live across the street from an actual rocket scientist.  Never had a set of Ikea instructions  or toy instruction.. (although the Thomas the Tank Engine electric track was a bit of a challenge even for mr rocket scientist so a mere mortal would have been screwed) that he couldn't figure out.


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## navymich (2 Jan 2007)

Either that niner, or have the woman of the house (aka "head of household") put it together.  It's amazing what can get done when DIRECTIONS are read AND followed.  Of course, this just brings us around full circle, because if we are doing this job that SHOULD rightfully be done by the man, then we do require (and expect) compensation.


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## niner domestic (2 Jan 2007)

True Mich, I suppose when we get posted out of here to that lovely place and I'm short a rocket scientist, I'll have to start putting things together again.  But until then, I call my 1800youneedasmartperson across the street.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (2 Jan 2007)

airmich said:
			
		

> I got my mother a digital camera for XMas.  She's good for sitting there for hours and reading the instructions, but then still has tons of questions.  So I bought her one exactly like I have, so at least if she has a problem (long distance of course), it will be easier for me to talk her through it.
> 
> IHS: have you learned how to hook your camera up to this fancy thing called a computer and share your pictures with us?



Yes I have that's not all that difficult to do. But how do I share pics other than putting one at a time on the posts. I tryed to get into galleries but wasn't able to figure it out...I'll have another go this afternoon. ???


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## navymich (2 Jan 2007)

Personnally I prefer using www.photobucket.com and then posting the link.  When you post the link between [ img] [/img] your pic will also be posted.  This option is in photobucket to be able to copy and paste.  Very user friendly.  Good luck!


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## IN HOC SIGNO (2 Jan 2007)

airmich said:
			
		

> Personnally I prefer using www.photobucket.com and then posting the link.  When you post the link between [ img] [/img] your pic will also be posted.  This option is in photobucket to be able to copy and paste.  Very user friendly.  Good luck!



thanks mich i'll take a look ;D


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## Cliffy433 (2 Jan 2007)

I know - I'm entering the thread REAL late for some of this...  I'm responding to various posts ranging from Page 1 to Page 12... so I hope it makes sense.

I did really well on the original gold and diamond masterpiece almost a year ago and have been excused from any further diamond expenditures until this one is paid off - so the cost of borrowing is ridiculous, but the payments are tiny and I don't have to buy any more compressed carbon for about 5 years!  

As a matter of fact - she asked for CUBIC ZIRCONIA ear studs this Christmas and that's what she got!  And everyone thinks I spent a mint - except her and I!!

Now - if there isn't a Tiffany & Co in your neighbourhood, you can also go with a pink bag as opposed to a blue box - however, most of the items she desires from Holt Renfrew cost more than the ones she wants from T&C... so what to do... oh, I know - she is a Nurse with the Feds, and makes more than me - so all I have to do is GO WITH HER!  I smile, hold her bags, compliment how she looks in everything, and buy the coffee and lunch.  She buys her own damn HR merchandise.

Then, we go to a place I can afford - we walk up and down stores and aisles within those stores - she says "I like items a, b, c" - and I say - "what sizes/colours would keep you from having to fight crowds on boxing day?"  She tells me, because she hates crowds.

I buy everything in my price range - and pick up the rest and sell back to my family to give to her.  I also pick up a matching necklace and CUBIC ZIRCONIA pendant for those studs.  Now, not only does she get EVERYTHING she wanted - I also win "JTF Ninja Sniper Commando of Shopping Bonus Points" because she got a present she didn't know about, that matches one she DID!!

Y'all can take the "lessons" from the ladies above - or you can sit the lady of your life down, and say: "Listen... how many times have you 'dropped hints' that I didn't get?  Now, do you want to go shopping with me and help, or would you like a blender that doesn't match either the coffee maker or the toaster oven?"

And to the ladies:
Saying, "I like so-and-so's blouse" is complimenting your friend.  
Saying, "I sure would like a red blouse" is a hint.
Saying "Buy me a red blouse" is an order.

We respond to hints and orders.  You complimenting other women gets us on other tangents COMPLETELY.

FINALLY, the Miranda Rights for Men:
http://webpages.charter.net/denny3249/miranda.htm

In order to give credit where it's due - I first read the Miranda for Men in an Asa Baber editorial in Playboy when I was too young to be legally in possession of such publications.  Mr Hefner and Mr Baber - all credit to you... Mr Hefner for founding such a glorious empire, and Mr Baber for actually writing editorials that I can quote to prove that there are actually articles in Playboy.

tlm.

PS:
One more thing ladies:
Ummm... if we're such losers at picking up your non-existent hints... why can't you ever manage to remember our favourite brand of beer?  Everytime I go to the beer store - I bring home the same kind - religiously.  If they are out, I actually use my cell phone and call around to find a beer store with some in stock.  Everytime you go, I get some inferior swill with a free t-shirt that you won't even let me wear in public because it looks cheap.  What is up with that?


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## Journeyman (2 Jan 2007)

yammit said:
			
		

> *[ THE ENTIRE QUOTE - - IT WAS TOO LONG TO REPEAT, SO YOU CAN READ IT YOURSELF ]*



Now do you understand why I _really_ dislike christmas?


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## navymich (2 Jan 2007)

Journeyman said:
			
		

> Now do you understand why I _really_ dislike christmas?



Oh Master, please enlighten us as to YOUR technique. 

(and I mean more then the couple little things that you have already posted.  You must have something that you do, or expect....)


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## Jacqueline (2 Jan 2007)

Me personally would like a blender.  ;D
I bought my own diamonds. I went binge shopping.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (2 Jan 2007)

Journeyman said:
			
		

> Now do you understand why I _really_ dislike christmas?



I'm really lucky cause my wife doesn't like jewelry....but she does like motorcycles and they are way more expensive.....but a heck of a lot more fun!! 8)


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## Scratch_043 (2 Jan 2007)

Wait a second............

Things come with INSTRUCTIONS???

 Nic


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## niner domestic (2 Jan 2007)

Torn, you can be first in line to borrow my rocket scientist neighbour.


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## Scratch_043 (2 Jan 2007)

naw, that's okay, I've gotten this far without them.


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