# Marriage and recruiting



## ab136 (1 Jun 2004)

I have previously posted this question before the big crash and I was unable to get any replys to the post.  For those who did reply your help again will be appreciated and for the new readers....feel free to "belly-up".

  My wife and I have been together for over 15 years and we are very close. She has been very supportive of the whole process up until about a month ago when I received the, "I don't want you to join because I don't want you to be killed" speech.  I am not applying for infantry (God bless you guys), I am applying for a supportive role.  I know that the CF comes with dangers and responsiblities.  I accept that.  I probably will not be on the "front lines", but hey, you never know, right!  I guess the question I want to ask is, How, with everything going on in the world right now, do you comfort your spouses?  We can talk about anything and we have discussed this at great length.  Just wondering how you guys deal.


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## sirmckinnon (1 Jun 2004)

Dude.......seriously, Marrage and the CF is a very narrow road on a cliff. It generally  puts too much stress on the relationship. what trade? if it is a land based trade its kool, as long as you have no kids( >) other trades that require 24/7 work, in my opinion are pointless to be in if you are married. but hey thats my opinion!
anyhoo,,,,all i know is that i made shure there is only one woman that has to worry about me and thats my mommie. the less people sitting at home on civie street  weeping for my saftey while im off doing my :skull: infantry :skull: thing, the better off I am.

Good luck!


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## RebornXmetalhead (1 Jun 2004)

We all die one way or an other. For all you know, you could die tomorow morning in an accident. She can't stop you from dying.

That's all I can say really..  there are probably more street homicide deaths than Canadian soldier deaths at the moment.


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## Carpenter (1 Jun 2004)

I applied last July and have been asking that question of any soldier I have had the chance to ask.  The guys who love it seem to have in common that their wives are very supportive.  I think that if it is something you know you will love to do, it will probably make your marriage better and give you more energy for home life.  Not that I know from experience.  

My wife had a conversation with an officer's wife the other day who said that because her husband enjoys his work so much, she can take the bad with the mostly good.  I think having people to think about at home should make you a better soldier, because you have more to come back to if you are gone.


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## ab136 (2 Jun 2004)

Thanks Carpenter. I appreciate your reply.


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## Garry (2 Jun 2004)

Been in the Forces for 27 years, and married for 23.

Was gone 11 months the first year we were married!

Love my work, love my family.

You need to have a tough woman for a wife, and you both need to commit to the relationship.

It's been great for us.

Cheers-Garry


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## George Wallace (2 Jun 2004)

ab136 said:
			
		

> My wife and I have been together for over 15 years and we are very close. She has been very supportive of the whole process up until about a month ago when I received the, "I don't want you to join because I don't want you to be killed" speech.




Well, I think quite a few of us have gone through that speech or one similar to it.   Let's put it this way...you've been married for fifteen years and she really cares about you......she is just stating her honest feelings.   My wife did the same thing to me, in front of the Padre, prior to deploying to Bosnia.   He asked her, during the interview, "Do you want him to go?"   and she simply stated the truth; "No!".     Of course she wanted me to be safe.   All part of the Marriage formula.

Now..... when she starts saying that she wants you to go off to some dangerous place.....Then you should be worried. ;D 

GW


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## bossi (3 Jun 2004)

Years ago, I remember feeling so sorry for the Regular Force - their divorce rate was so high, compared to the national average.  If you don't have the support of your family before you join, it might get worse ...

It's important for your family to understand a number of things:
a.  Why you're a soldier - It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it 
(my favourite recruiting poster was "Nobody wants to fight, but somebody has to know how ...")
b.  Canadian soldiers are very well-trained 
(and therefore we have an above average survival rate ...)
c.  As mentioned previously, accidents (and death) happen anytime, anywhere
(while I was in Kabul, I'd swear there were more murders in Toronto ...)
d.  Civilians also get confused when they read bad news (from Iraq) on a daily basis
(one of the biggest problems was reminding everybody that Canadians weren't facing the same attacks)
e.  Constant/honest discussion, dialogue, communications, and compassion.
(don't forget your family while you're away - "the only thing that improves with neglect is ... rust")

Good luck.


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## Krypto (16 Nov 2006)

I've applied for ROTP at civy U as a pilot, air nav and aerospace controller. I'm going for the medical on Monday, and my interview hopefully soon after. 

I'm also engaged to an amazing young woman, and we're getting married in October of 2007. This was planned and booked before I ever applied. 

My question is: will this throw a big monkey wrench into the recruiting process? Or would it be reasonalbe to assume that if I were to get in, it would be soon enough that by next fall I'll be on my "school year" time and the wedding won't conflict with any training or military commitments?

Every time I talk to the recruiters, I always mention I'm getting married, but they never say anything about it, besides giving me a brochure about families in the forces, so I assume it's not too big a deal. I'm going to bring it up at the interview especially.


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## infuntry_boi (16 Nov 2006)

Hello and Welcome to the Army.ca!
It shouldn't be problem, It all depends on when you are going to school, BMQ etc etc.
http://army.ca/wiki/index.php/Frequently_Asked_Questions. Try that for some further reading.


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## northbiker (18 Nov 2006)

Krypto said:
			
		

> I've applied for ROTP at civy U as a pilot, air nav and aerospace controller. I'm going for the medical on Monday, and my interview hopefully soon after.
> 
> I'm also engaged to an amazing young woman, and we're getting married in October of 2007. This was planned and booked before I ever applied.
> 
> ...



How is your marks in school cuz I am also applying for ROTP and pilot position?????


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## SupersonicMax (18 Nov 2006)

northbiker said:
			
		

> How is your marks in school cuz I am also applying for ROTP and pilot position?????



If you could start writing English instead of MSN maybe your chances would increase dramatically, don't you think?

Max


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## alexjbuck (18 Nov 2006)

If you get the ROTP CIVI U program it won't be a problem, as you will be at your university during the school year. No military training occurs during normal academic terms.


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## Kid_X (18 Nov 2006)

Civi U starts in September, so you will definitely be on your academic year, try to plan the honeymoon for a weekend though.
BOTC and IAP are held during the summer for students (as far as I'm concerned) and your SEM is at the end of September (it was the 18th this year), I believe you will be ok.  I didn't have anything to do in October this year, that I can recall.

Northbiker,
grades in highschool were 80-85 throughout, I had many above that, but most were in the 85 range.  I believe there were 2 grades below 80 before I was accepted, and one that fell below after I signed on.  The 2.4 was easy, but for the actual test it was a steptest in a small room, your heart rate decides if you pass or not.  Pushups, sit-ups and grip test come with practice (Who got what on the grip test if you can recall?  ;D).  The aptitude test and interview were easy, I did not even know I had applied for Aerospace controller when I went in, so I was given as much time as I needed before to go read up on the occupation before the interview, I looked at the info sheets for about 10 minutes and here I am. Grades, interview, medical, physical fitness, none of that was that difficult to get into ROTP, show the recruiters that you have been wanting to serve for a while, and that you're prepared to do it.  The hardest part of getting into the pilot program was the ASC in Trenton (I feel), I failed that last April, and they do not tell you why.  I never crashed the simulation, but I know there was room for improvement, I did qualify for Air Navigator though.  Examining the group I was in, previous flight experience helped a lot, even if it was only 3 or 4 hours through air cadets.  Everyone in our group that had been in air cadets qualified for pilot, only 1 who had not been in air cadets qualified for pilot, and only 2 of us qualified for air nav (the other was the guy who had not been in air cadets, but qualified for pilot).  I didn't say yes to Air Nav, but I am currently in as an aerospace controller. (I also kept in touch with a few of the other applicants that I went to the ASC with, I signed in with one who had failed pilot, he eventually went for MARS, and two of the others who had made pilot did not join, one is at Western in a commercial pilot program, and the other was never contacted (I suppose the rest of his application was not up to par). Make of all this what you will, best of luck to you all, and watch your spelling (use the spellcheck).


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## Krypto (18 Nov 2006)

Kid_X said:
			
		

> try to plan the honeymoon for a weekend though.



Hoenymoon? No conflict there: we're too poor to go on one. Her sister entered us in a ton of contests under our names to win trips and such, and the ONE draw she entered in her own name, she won. So my brother and sister in law are going to St Maarten for my honeymoon. So nice of them to take the trip for us...   :

Northbiker:

My high school marks were mostly low 80's and high 70's. I finished high school back in the OAC days here in Ontario, so I don't know how the marking system goes for the new cirriculum or if you're in another province. 

I'm also in second year of university, so I think that's helping me out a lot too, showing that I can do well in university. I've also got about 129 hours on my private pilot's licence working toawrd my commercial, and previous cadet experience. I also did the militia co-op back in grade 12, doing my BMQ with RHFC in Cambridge, ON. 

I basically set my sights on becoming a CF pilot before high school, and tried to get as much experience as I could so that when I did apply, I'd have as much going for me as possible.

 Kid_X, what is SEM?


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## Kid_X (18 Nov 2006)

Krypto said:
			
		

> Also, Kid_X, what is SEM?



It's a "subsidized education management" meeting, basically an annual briefing where they go through what is expected of you, what they will be doing, who you can contact for what, and so on.  It lasts about an hour or two.  They warn that unless you have obtained permission to be absent prior to the meeting, you must attend or "disciplinary action will be taken".


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## northbiker (19 Nov 2006)

Krypto said:
			
		

> Hoenymoon? No conflict there: we're too poor to go on one. Her sister entered us in a ton of contests under our names to win trips and such, and the ONE draw she entered in her own name, she won. So my brother and sister in law are going to St Maarten for my honeymoon. So nice of them to take the trip for us...   :
> 
> Northbiker:
> 
> ...




Do you think I have any kind of a chance to get accepted with a C or B average? And I don't have any experience with military and flying!!!!!


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## Kid_X (19 Nov 2006)

Depends how strong you are in everything else, and previous flight or military experience (besides cadets maybe for "leadership" or other) has no bearing on the recruiting process is the impression I've gotten from several other threads in these forums.


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## shanny403 (21 May 2008)

My husband and I are thinking about joining the CF. He wants to be a Weapons Tech, and myself, I'm entering into my second year of Civilian University. I want to continue my education, and eventually become an officer. I am aware of the ROTP and such, I just want to know what the best route is to go about keeping my husband, son and myself close enough to each other. I am tossing around the idea of joining a clerical position in the CF until I can apply for officer training (it is too late in the year to apply for ROTP) to keep us somewhat together, but I'm unsure if that is the best possible route to take. I understand that we will be apart from each other for basic and possibly trade school, and the potential is there for further separation, yet I would try to limit the time away for our sons sake. There is also the potential there for me not to join the forces at all and follow him around to where ever he is posted, but I would like to keep that option as a last for I would like to continue with my education and secure a dependable job for myself...I'm not one to rely on others incomes. Any suggestions?


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## Jack Nastyface (21 May 2008)

shanny403 said:
			
		

> My husband and I are thinking about joining the CF. He wants to be a Weapons Tech, and myself, I'm entering into my second year of Civilian University. I want to continue my education, and eventually become an officer. I am aware of the ROTP and such, I just want to know what the best route is to go about keeping my husband, son and myself close enough to each other. I am tossing around the idea of joining a clerical position in the CF until I can apply for officer training (it is too late in the year to apply for ROTP) to keep us somewhat together, but I'm unsure if that is the best possible route to take. I understand that we will be apart from each other for basic and possibly trade school, and the potential is there for further separation, yet I would try to limit the time away for our sons sake. There is also the potential there for me not to join the forces at all and follow him around to where ever he is posted, but I would like to keep that option as a last for I would like to continue with my education and secure a dependable job for myself...I'm not one to rely on others incomes. Any suggestions?


Hi Shanny, my suggestion would be to finish your degree and then apply as a Direct Entry Officer (DEO) applicant. If you told us what your degree majors in, that would help. If your husband is going Naval Wpns Tech it would behoove you to apply for Maritme Surface/Sub-surface (MARS) or MARE (if you are going for an engineering degree). That way you could probably serve on the same coast. Lots of training and sea time away from home, though. If you apply as an NCM in a clerical job (e.g. RMS Clerk) you maybe posted in tandem with him as it is a purple trade. If you are enrolled as an NCM you could not just become an officer if you finish your degree. You would have to serve your intial Basic Engagement and either get out and re-enroll as a DEO or stay NCM and hope to Commission from the Ranks (CFR) at a later date. As I mentioned in another "married couple in the CF" thread-you can always state your preference of postings together; however, the needs of the service come before the needs of the individual. Just as in life, there are no guarantees.


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## shanny403 (22 May 2008)

I am in the Social Sciences and he wants land. I was thinking logistics officer? Thank you for explaining how the RMS clerk works. We are aware that there are going to be times when we are away from each other, just trying to minimize it is the hard part, not for us, but more for our sons sake. What if I was to transfer to RMC through the ROTP program? Would "compassionate reasons" perhaps see him based in Kingston for the duration of my training? Of course, no guarantees on that....hmmm, lots to think about.


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## exgunnertdo (22 May 2008)

Since you're still relatively early in your degree - check out the requirements for what type of degree you need to be Log.  I do know of one person who applied to be a Log O with a History degree and was told no.  She had to take the long way around - Supply Tech, then apply for Special Commissioning (SCP) after her initial engagement (since going back to school was not an option for her).  

I think to be a Log O they are looking for more of a mangement focus?  Not sure exactly.  But worth checking online or at the CFRC.


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## siuto (26 Apr 2012)

Hi,

How does it affect my application if I am recently seperated from my spouse before the application? And more important, if he is from a schedule country, do they still have to check his background even though we are seperated? 

Thanks


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## MikeL (26 Apr 2012)

You should inform and ask those changes/questions to the CFRC.


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## The_Falcon (29 Apr 2012)

siuto said:
			
		

> Hi,
> 
> How does it affect my application if I am recently seperated from my spouse before the application?



Are you seperated or legally divorced?



> And more important, if he is from a schedule country, do they still have to check his background even though we are seperated?
> 
> Thanks



We check your background.  If you are still legally married it could be an issue.  It depends if you have been told you require a pre-security assessment prior to enrolment.  If not and you are only having a CRNC then it probably won't be an issue until you report to St. Jean (provided you get hired of course).  At which point you would be filling out the paper work for a full security clearance, and it may be an issue then, but then thats no longer a recruiting issue.


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