# The Rules for membership in the Man Club



## Sig_Des (20 Jan 2007)

The 37 rules to being a Man'!!! 

1.) It is OK for a Man to cry under the following circumstances: 

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master. 
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. 
- After wrecking your boss' car. 
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". 
- When she is using her teeth. 

2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends. 

3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 

4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 

5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 

6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional. 

7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 

8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 

9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free. 

10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts. 

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 

12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 

13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 

14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 

15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean. 

17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 

18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 

19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights: 

- Yeah, Baby, Push it! 
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder! 
- Another set and we can hit the showers! 

20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 

21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 

22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to hook up again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. 

23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 

24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence. 

25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BS!'. 
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent. 

26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale. 

27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. 

28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. 

29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. 

30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat. 

31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood. 

32.) If a buddy is outnumbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. 
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy. 

33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay. 

34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 

35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either. 

36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "F--- OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility. 

37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man. 

Argument with these rules instantly revokes your identity as a man. You're no longer a man and you're out of the man club.


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## gaspasser (20 Jan 2007)

Do we have to sign up?
Sign a statdec?
Do we get neat-o membership cards?
Use of the term "neat-o" just means geek, not unmanlike? 

 ;D

Well written Des. 8)


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## zipperhead_cop (20 Jan 2007)

All solid except for #20.  Talking in the bathroom is a big "no".  Here is a good video of how to conduct ones self in the lavatory, and the consequences of failing to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw


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## Sig_Des (20 Jan 2007)

BYT Driver said:
			
		

> Do we have to sign up?
> Sign a statdec?
> Do we get neat-o membership cards?
> Use of the term "neat-o" just means geek, not unmanlike?
> ...



I can't take credit for writing it...emailed to me by a friend.

As far as cards, I don't know. I think membership to the club comes automatically upon birth.


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## gaspasser (20 Jan 2007)

Not nessessarily so!   Some men are more manly than others and some are lesss.


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## Pte_Martin (20 Jan 2007)

I love it! I like the video very true and funny


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## armyvern (20 Jan 2007)

Oh Gawd,

It is all explained now. If you need a list of rules to figure out your own selves, no wonder you`ll never figure us wimmin out!!  >


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## gaspasser (20 Jan 2007)

Found a great book today at Chapter's.
  "Everything Men know about women"
Unfortunately, the frakking thing was 400 pages of blank paper. :crybaby:
They should come out with a book "Everything a Man Should know about Women"
It'll be a best seller for sure> ;D


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## Pea (20 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Oh Gawd,
> 
> It is all explained now. If you need a list of rules to figure out your own selves, no wonder you`ll never figure us wimmin out!!  >



I couldn't have said it better!


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## Shamrock (20 Jan 2007)

BYT Driver said:
			
		

> Do we get neat-o membership cards?



Yes.  They're carried in a handy little satchel.  Owing to the forgetful nature of men, God has seen fit to attach these satchels to our bodies.

Vern, there's 37.  Women have 37 rules for how to hang a roll of toilet paper.


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## Pea (20 Jan 2007)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> Vern, there's 37.  Women have 37 rules for how to hang a roll of toilet paper.



Nah, just one. The loose end should be over, not under.  ;D


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## Pearson (20 Jan 2007)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> 37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.



Unless that slap is directed to the buttockal  ;D area, followed by the phrase, "Good game buddy."


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## medicineman (20 Jan 2007)

I've only just stopped crying from laughing so hard - I almost ended up like the poor dude in the stall...

MM


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## SupersonicMax (20 Jan 2007)

An the Outtakes!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AE5tfJi3NU&mode=related&search=

Max


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## JVJA (20 Jan 2007)

Pea said:
			
		

> Nah, just one. The loose end should be over, not under.  ;D



The loose end must be under, so when the children walk by and spin the roll, is stays rolled!


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## Mike Baker (20 Jan 2007)

Wow, well, I'm no kid no more


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## Sig_Des (20 Jan 2007)

Frankie said:
			
		

> Unless that slap is directed to the buttockal  ;D area, followed by the phrase, "Good game buddy."



It's true...I guess an addendum can be added to rule 37...

"A slap to the rear end of another man is permissible as long as it is immediately followed with a verbal, "Good Game", clearly spoken so as to be understood and heard by all present."


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## Pearson (20 Jan 2007)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> It's true...I guess an addendum can be added to rule 37...
> 
> "A slap to the rear end of another man is permissible as long as it is immediately followed with a verbal, "Good Game", clearly spoken so as to be understood and heard by all present."


Further addendum, this is *ONLY* acceptable following a sporting event, *NOT* acceptable following a game of Pictionary or Crib.   ;D


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## Trinity (20 Jan 2007)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> 31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.




WHAT!?!?!

It was supposed to be an excuse!?!
You tell me NOW!  :-[


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## Mike Baker (20 Jan 2007)

Trinity said:
			
		

> WHAT!?!?!
> 
> It was supposed to be an excuse!?!
> You tell me NOW!  :-[


We're all sorry Trin, we really are, but, we wanted to see if you would in fact go an do it, an you did


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## kratz (20 Jan 2007)

Michael Baker said:
			
		

> We're all sorry Trin, we really are, but, we wanted to see if you would in fact go an do it, an you did



It's not all bad. Think of all those soles you will save.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (20 Jan 2007)

These rules all seem very straight forward to me and of course we all know them instinctively....there is very little reason to write them down. 
The bathroom etiquette is very important.....it seems women's bathrooms are extremely chaotic...I've waited outside them for eons for my wife. It seems too like they have a rule about going two by two...is this the Noah rule or something?? ;D


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## NL_engineer (20 Jan 2007)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> These rules all seem very straight forward to me and of course we all know them instinctively....there is very little reason to write them down.
> The bathroom etiquette is very important.....it seems women's bathrooms are extremely chaotic...I've waited outside them for eons for my wife. It seems too like they have a rule about going two by two...is this the Noah rule or something?? ;D



 :rofl:


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## BernDawg (20 Jan 2007)

29.  Rule no. 29 FOR CHRISSAKES!!!  How come not everyone gets this??  pizza doesn't hurt either.  Especially cause I have a truck.


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## zipperhead_cop (21 Jan 2007)

BYT Driver said:
			
		

> Found a great book today at Chapter's.
> "Everything Men know about women"
> Unfortunately, the frakking thing was 400 pages of blank paper. :crybaby:



I got that book for Christmas.  You should have checked the last page.  It had one sentance that makes all the difference:

"They have boobs".


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## Shamrock (21 Jan 2007)

I got it too, but I coloured in mine.


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

Face it,

You guys can not figure out up from down without a list of rules to follow. That may explain the reasoni why I had 16 PMs about this thread from you guys out there. 16!! The best one being:



> I agree with the rules, as a father myself.....I too am anal retentive.



Now, he knows who he is. When a new member of the forum feels the need to assure me that he too is anal retentive...I rest my case.

Girls rule...boys drool.  ;D


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## Yrys (21 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> I had 16 PMs about this thread from you guys out there. 16!!



WoW! you sure are a popular gal  !


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

Yrys said:
			
		

> WoW! you sure are a popular gal  !



Great looks and personality!! What else can I say?  

The volume of them (16!!) also explains why I will not be responding to a single one of them!!


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## Yrys (21 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Great looks



From the picture contest, and



> and personality!!



the DS Interview thread, I'm sure you're right .



> The volume of them (16!!) also explains why I will not be responding to a single one of them!!



HEY! Aren't you suppose to be mothering the members here, as a DS   ?


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## career_radio-checker (21 Jan 2007)

> 30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.



What if it's a tiger? Or better yet a couger? Bubbles had one of those, can I have one?


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

Yrys said:
			
		

> HEY! Aren't you suppose to be mothering the members here, as a DS   ?


Obviously, you know me not at all!!  ;D


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## Yrys (21 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Obviously, you know me not at all!!  ;D



IRK!!! My secret is tost into the day light!
I don't know YOU  :-X !


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

Yrys said:
			
		

> IRK!!! My secret is tost into the day light!
> I don't know YOU  :-X !



Ahhh, it's quite all right!!
You are forgiven, for you are one who is just like me!!  ;D
There are no rules which pertain to us.

Except that:
We rule, boys drool.


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## vonGarvin (21 Jan 2007)

from my lovely daughters:
Boys go to Jupiter to get more Stupid-er
Girls go to Mars to get more chocolate bars


Oh, and my elder daughter reminded me that of the 8 mammals at our place last September, 7 are still living.  Of those 8, two were male, the remainder female.  The mammal that no longer lives?  The bull!  So, one male for force feeding and slaughtering, the other for, well, entertainment and abuse?  

Heck, even the "Girls Rule, Boys Drool" is a favourite of my younger daughter (only six years old)


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## zipperhead_cop (21 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Except that:
> We rule, boys drool.



See, you wimmins love tossing that out, but have never really taken the time to analyze that statement.

Girls Rule:
At a blush, it would seem an attractive thing.  Yet, any dictator can tell you that supreme leadership is a very tiresome task.  There is much planning and mental work that goes into it.  By default, that allows us men to enjoy ourselves and be more relaxed.  By your requirement to "rule" it creates a subordinate/supervisor relationship which, as any good Corporal can tell you, the troops can be a real pain in the ass when they want to be.  Thus, you foist upon yourselves an environment of angst and hardship.  
Further compounding this mental state, is that no one female can be the leader of all, thus competition becomes an issue.  In a never ending power struggle, the aspiring Vagtators try to find ways to bump out the competition with the tools of their trade; gossip, back stabbing, disloyalty, and cattiness.  As by and large the men are just annoyed and deterred by such tactic, other women take it genuinely to heart and then reply in kind.  Life long friendship bonds can be shredded with something as simple as an "I saw him first" urination contest.  Given such a brutal and unyielding environment, the Vagtator takes out her frustrations on the easy target--the man.  Not being as sharp, or in tune with the actual vitriol that he is being subjected to, the man "takes it" and can generally chalk the derision up to "guess she's just bitchy again".  Eventually though, the man will take his TV and skin mags, and leave.  Invariably, the woman will chalk up this experience as "all men are jerks".  The cycle of personal unaccountability being complete, the woman moves on to the next sucker partner.  Dominance is retained, but at a heavy toll.  

Boys Drool:
Drooling tends to be a characteristic of an inattentive state, or one of diminished caring.   It also is indicative of a state of euphoria and bliss.  As such, what a great way to be enmeshed.  Thus it is for the man.  Given the flurry of female angst that he is generally surrounded with, the man has developed a defensive mechanism to survive; the fugue state (AKA "TV Test Pattern Time).  When a woman is transitioning or is in the Vagtator state, the man will turn mentally inward and will cause his ears to only key on certain phrases, such as "Right?" or "is that okay?".  These can trigger the autonomic response of "Yup", typically accompanied by head nodding (the actual full verbal registration is demonstrated by Charles Schultz in his introspective social commentary "Peanuts" in the form of the "Charlie Brown Teacher Voice".  However, being married, Mr. Schultz deflected the female backlash by attributing it to the genderless teacher.  Through back channels, he let us know what it really was)  In reality, the male mind is a thousand miles away, in a special place filled with [MAN'S SPECIAL PLACE DETAILS REMOVED DUE TO OPEN PUBLIC FORUM SETTING AND ISSUES OF MANOPSEC] 
Sometimes, if the mental departure is complete enough, a relaxing of the lower mandible does occur, and depending on the nature of the images of the mental departure, can cause excess salivation or "drool".  

I hope this adequately illustrates the direct linear relationship between Girls Rule: Boys Drool.  

So rule away, girls.  We can always use one more mental vacation.  Have fun!


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

ZC,

Operative words in all your wordiness were:



> Girls Rule:


;



> Boys Drool:


; and



> Dominance is retained, but at a heavy toll.



As long as we're ruling, you're drooling, and dominance is maintained; I'm good with all the other stuff!!  ;D


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## Yrys (21 Jan 2007)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> the aspiring Vagtators



You mean Dominatrix, right   ?


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## Sig_Des (21 Jan 2007)

:rofl:

Can we find a drool icon?

Hmm...like most relationships I've been in, Vern as taken a logical and well-written piece, and taken out the statements that she likes, or would make her appear to be right.

 :warstory:


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## GAP (21 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> ZC,
> 
> Operative words in all your wordiness were:
> ;
> ...



Whew,  glad that's explained..... I do like the explanation though.....  ;D


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

Des,


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## Mike Baker (21 Jan 2007)

Well now, what I wanted to say to these "Women Rulers" would possibly get me banned, so I'm staying out this time.


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## Sig_Des (21 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Des,



 ;D


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## Pea (21 Jan 2007)

Vern..

I can only hope to be half the woman you are when I "grow up".  ;D

You're my hero!


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## IN HOC SIGNO (21 Jan 2007)

So if you girls rule how come you have to go two by two to the heads (latrine, lavatory)???? ;D


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## Pea (21 Jan 2007)

It's a show of force.  >


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## vonGarvin (21 Jan 2007)

Yrys said:
			
		

> You mean Dominatrix, right   ?


Don't even get me started!  >


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## IN HOC SIGNO (21 Jan 2007)

Pea said:
			
		

> It's a show of force.  >



 :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Shamrock (21 Jan 2007)

Men have a mechanism to ensure our social dominance.

We call them jars.

Jars were designed by men, built by men, filled by men... and are opened by men. The jar was never meant as a tool of subjugation yet it has become a symbol of women’s oppression.  The overladies reinventing the jar, making it easier to open, would simply be glossing of issue -- if anything, making it easier to open is a slap in the face of our suzyrains, highlighting their physical inferiority.  Leaving the jars as-is and having the manial class function as opener-slaves could be dangerous as we may one day overthrow our shackles and re-assert our physical superiority by only opening jars for our own use.

Finally, I'd like to congratulate the gynocrats on taking control.  After hundreds of thousands of years of having to do the job, we men are happy for a break. If you want us, we'll be in the garage.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (21 Jan 2007)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> Men have a mechanism to ensure our social dominance.
> 
> We call them jars.
> 
> ...



And what about reaching stuff down from high shelves eh??? If that ain't superiority I dont' know what is!!! ;D


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## niner domestic (21 Jan 2007)

Yup IHS, and my shortas$ed husband is very grateful that I can reach those high shelves in our kitchen.


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## vonGarvin (21 Jan 2007)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> And what about reaching stuff down from high shelves eh??? If that ain't superiority I dont' know what is!!! ;D


Standing whilst peeing is also a sign of superiority


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## neko (21 Jan 2007)

Hauptmann Scharlachrot said:
			
		

> Standing whilst peeing is also a sign of superiority


Dogs do that all the time. 
And their aim is better.  >


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

neko said:
			
		

> Dogs do that all the time.
> And their aim is better.  >



And they look foolish too!!  >


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## gaspasser (21 Jan 2007)

Going out in public with a 40lb beer belly while wearing Speedos and still thinking you're sexy...is a sign of superiority...or at least superior attitude!

 :


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## medicineman (21 Jan 2007)

neko said:
			
		

> Dogs do that all the time.



Not all of them!!

MM


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

medicineman said:
			
		

> Not all of them!!
> 
> MM



That's right MM!! The smart ones (ie the ruling class) squat!!  ;D


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## neko (21 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> And they look foolish too!!  >


Especially the male ones who tend raise one leg, but less so than men writing their names in the snow or having pissing contests.


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## SoF (21 Jan 2007)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> 5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.



This one just happens way too often....we can't all shell out the big bucks for stella or heineken. After the third complaint I just take their beer away.


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## career_radio-checker (21 Jan 2007)

Ok I just woke up from my... uhh uhh... _Power Nap _ because I have been working really hard all day on my... my.. drill thingy on with my work bench and... ok that's besides the point what I wanted to say is that the amount of work put into The Librarian's new avatar proves that women just have way to much time on their hands because us men are doing all the hard work, giving women more free time to add flowers to their avatars. Thus, we can see how logically Men Rule and Women boobs er I mean drule.


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## Pearson (21 Jan 2007)

Pea said:
			
		

> Nah, just one. The loose end should be over, not under.  ;D



[married man]   You have to change those????? I thought they just "magically" filled up when the brown cardboard thingy was fully exposed to the air. [/married man]


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## medicineman (21 Jan 2007)

What I find really interesting is how this got off track from rules for guyhood to something about feminaziism...

MM


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## Sig_Des (21 Jan 2007)

medicineman said:
			
		

> What I find really interesting is how this got off track from rules for guyhood to something about feminaziism...
> 
> MM



I think that was born out of jealousy and insecurity that we actually do have an order and set of rules.


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## neko (21 Jan 2007)

medicineman said:
			
		

> What I find really interesting is how this got off track from rules for guyhood to something about feminaziism...
> 
> MM



feminaziism this term is incorrect, women are not trying to eradicate you, merely give you much needed guidance as to your proper role.


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## NL_engineer (21 Jan 2007)

medicineman said:
			
		

> What I find really interesting is how this got off track from rules for guyhood to something about feminaziism...
> 
> MM



What did you expect would happen when a cirten Robin's Egg Blue Bag people read the thread  ;D.


_Edited to fix the name of the bag_​


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## medicineman (21 Jan 2007)

First it starts as "role guidance", then it turns into "route guidance - INTO ZE SHOWERS!!"

MM


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

NL_engineer said:
			
		

> What did you expect would happen when a cirten blue bag people read the thread  ;D.



Oh gawd, add another rule to your list. No, no. Blue bags are something which you kick to the curb while performing other assorted household duties assigned to you by the woman.

_Robin's Egg Blue_ bags, (and that is the proper colour name - consult your Crayola Box) are what you should buy us when you want to experience the peace of the man triangle or get the remote back.


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## George Wallace (21 Jan 2007)

What are you women going to do when Crayola changes the names for their colours again?


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## armyvern (21 Jan 2007)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> What are you women going to do when Crayola changes the names for their colours again?



Crayola change their colour names?? They'd never get rid of _Robins Egg Blue _ George; 56% of their paying customers are _not_ little boys who are drooling. Women world-wide would unite.


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## warspite (21 Jan 2007)

There is only one proper response to this thread.....​:rofl:​

....Actually there are a few more but I fear Vern The Librarian would exercise the ban stick​


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## zipperhead_cop (22 Jan 2007)

Bah.  Let the wenches prattle on.  We all know that it is all well and good on this electronic medium.  But the second two end up in the same room dressed alike, the Sisterhood is out the window and the fur is flying like a rabbit getting hit by a bullet train.  
Or, like, when one friend hears that her other friend saw their third friend with a guy that she likes and that girl should have known that she liked him but went with him anyways and she is like a total bitch because she, like, _knows_ and then the other friend says "well, I think he asked her out first" and that is *so* not the point but now that other friend is a back stabbing bitch too and the first friend needs to tell someone but realizes that she just ditched all her friends and so she makes nice with the third friend that is with the guy so they can rip on the other friend because she is a bitch anyway and really the first friend is only being nice to the third girl so the guy can see that she is like *so* way hotter and nicer and when the guy ends up banging a fourth girl because he is fed up with the drama and then the dumped girls end up seeing each other at the Godiva chocolate vendor because they are having a pity party and they all end up giving ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) and making friends again because that guy had a small unit anyway and "I still have that skirt of yours" and everyone is alright again but the first one can't help noticing that the third one is eyeballing the chocolate clerk and she _TOTALLY _ knows that she saw him first....


 ^-^


You're right.  Girls definitely rule.   :

Now feel free to engage the "Common Sense Editor" and pluck out the parts that re-enforce your delusions  illusions.  We'll still be here when y'all get back.   :-*


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## career_radio-checker (22 Jan 2007)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> Now feel free to engage the "Common Sense Editor" and pluck out the parts that re-enforce your delusions  illusions.  We'll still be here when y'all get back.   :-*



uh... can I get a diagram to help explain that story?


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## zipperhead_cop (22 Jan 2007)

career_radio-checker said:
			
		

> uh... can I get a diagram to help explain that story?



You aren't supposed to get it.  I don't even get it, my wife dictated it to me.  The chicks will get it.   :dontpanic:


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## Shamrock (22 Jan 2007)

CRC:

Your diagram is as follows:

Think of a man.  Now, strip away reason and accountability.


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## Trooper Hale (22 Jan 2007)

Zipperhead Cop, you continue to amaze! Your stories fill me with manly virtue and slight sense of confusion.
The toilet ettiquete is great too altho has anyone seen "The Sketch Show" and their take on it? I'll try to track it down. Its definately a situation and many people almost get into.


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## zipperhead_cop (22 Jan 2007)

Hale said:
			
		

> Zipperhead Cop, you continue to amaze! Your stories fill me with manly virtue and slight sense of confusion.



Everyone is a hero behind the monitor.   
Of course, if I find myself in Gagetown I might be remarkably quiet...


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## Scratch_043 (22 Jan 2007)

Hale said:
			
		

> Zipperhead Cop, you continue to amaze! Your stories fill me with manly virtue and slight sense of confusion.
> The toilet ettiquete is great too altho has anyone seen "The Sketch Show" and their take on it? I'll try to track it down. Its definately a situation and many people almost get into.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hmjAqsW4S8 there you go.


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## Trooper Hale (22 Jan 2007)

Shot! I was looking for it before but couldnt track it down. Now come on, who honestly has never held another mans penis while he hangs a slash? Be honest now....Des? I know your a crazy cat.


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## Mike Baker (22 Jan 2007)

My God! Perhaps we dudes can get some dudetts if we go along with their little plan, not that I would  :-[ But you know


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## Sig_Des (22 Jan 2007)

Hale said:
			
		

> Shot! I was looking for it before but couldnt track it down. Now come on, who honestly has never held another mans penis while he hangs a slash? Be honest now....Des? I know your a crazy cat.



I've done some crazy things, but I'm pretty sure I haven't held another man in that manner while he relieved himself...And if anyone says otherwise, I have no recollection of the events in question, sir.

But thanks for the vote of confidence, Hale


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## Mike Baker (22 Jan 2007)

Oh my God, back away children, back away from Des so he does not try something new  Just kidding Des, at least I hope


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## Kat Stevens (22 Jan 2007)

I threw off the shackles of the Gynocracy five years ago, and guess what?  I can still function in this world!!  I feed myself, dress myself (sometimes in WASHED clothes!), even get my bills paid on time.  I no longer have to navigate a maze of dried flower arrangements, decorative candles, and porcelain nicknack's in order to find the remote.  I have not had to do an emergency 11:00 PM tampon run to Mac's in recent memory.  I no longer have to plan my fishing trips for the "four days prior to Armageddon".  When I was young, I knew this about women:  "Soft, smell nice."  After 20 years of gynopression, I know this:








...."Soft, smell nice."


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## Journeyman (22 Jan 2007)

Kat Stevens said:
			
		

> I threw off the shackles of the Gynocracy five years ago, and guess what?  I can still function in this world!!  I feed myself, dress myself (sometimes in WASHED clothes!), even get my bills paid on time.  I no longer have to navigate a maze of dried flower arrangements, decorative candles, and porcelain nicknack's in order to find the remote.  I have not had to do an emergency 11:00 PM tampon run to Mac's in recent memory.  I no longer have to plan my fishing trips for the "four days prior to Armageddon".  When I was young, I knew this about women:  "Soft, smell nice."  After 20 years of gynopression, I know this:
> 
> ...."Soft, smell nice."


 :rofl:  I think _someone_ has some issues to work through.....


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## Kat Stevens (22 Jan 2007)

Naaah, I love women..... but I couldn't eat a whole one in one sitting.


edited for a typo


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## gaspasser (22 Jan 2007)

Is that up there with..." I miss my wife...but my aim is improving" 

 ???                                  ???


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## zipperhead_cop (22 Jan 2007)

BYT Driver said:
			
		

> Is that up there with..." I miss my wife...but my aim is improving"



Or the bumper sticker that I saw once:

"I like my women like my coffee....ground up and in the freezer"


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## Kat Stevens (22 Jan 2007)

Coffee... Hot, sweet.........................









...............and in the kitchen


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## NL_engineer (22 Jan 2007)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> You aren't supposed to get it.  I don't even get it, my wife dictated it to me.  The chicks will get it.   :dontpanic:



I got it after I had it translated  ;D


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## medicineman (22 Jan 2007)

Here are some men I feel should be inducted into the real man club.  MM


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## zipperhead_cop (24 Jan 2007)

Okay, in the spirit of fairness, here's a nod for our "lovelies":

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~thoffman/videos/mansong.swf


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## protected (24 Jan 2007)

Zipperhead... You are the MAN!!


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## bojangles (25 Jan 2007)

Its been a while since I posted anything and this thread brought a few chuckles. I just had to add a little joke my niece told me...

Q.Why are men smarter when they are having sex?

A. Because they are plugged into a women.

heheeeheee...  ;D

Okay I am done now! That was my contibution.


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## zipperhead_cop (26 Jan 2007)

See, now you are demonstrating that you may be smart.  You do realize what happens if a woman learns too much, don't you?  
Here is a helpful educational video that can save you before it is too late:

TAKE HEED!​


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## 2 Cdo (27 Jan 2007)

Zipper that video gets funnier every time I watch it! ;D


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## baudspeed (28 Jan 2007)

oh my sides hurt...ahahahah ;D


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## gaspasser (28 Jan 2007)

Man, ZC, that was hi-larious...sides still hurtin' from lauging.  Mind you, keep that away from your niner...but you'd better...






Quick!!!  heehee


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## niner domestic (28 Jan 2007)

Wife 1.0 

Dear Tech Support, 

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. 

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker- night 10.3 and Beer-bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. 

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not work on this program. 

Can you help me? 


***************************************************************** 


Dear Sir- 

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. 

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. 

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. 

The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lockup occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.



Remember, a happy wife is a happy life....LOL


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## NL_engineer (28 Jan 2007)

LMAO 

So I guess that means don't upgrade ;D


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## baudspeed (28 Jan 2007)

+1


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## career_radio-checker (28 Jan 2007)

Heed the warning, DO NOT INSTALL WIFE 2.0!!!!

This is what can happen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bPMwAHdJCg


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