# Soldier returns after going AWOL



## Smirnoff123 (4 Feb 2013)

http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/01/awol-private-returns-after-seven-years-with-box-of-grid-squares/

 FORT BRAGG, NC - Army Private Steven Gerner disappeared seven years ago, officially listed as AWOL. His family, friends and Army buddies all assumed he’d had an accident or lost his nerve and no one ever expected to see him again. He returned yesterday, only to find himself arrested by Military Police. What happened in between is a tale too implausible to be disbelieved.
PVT Gerner joined the Army in 2004 out of Sangre de Cristo, AZ. He reached his first assignment, to the infantry, in 2005, eager to please and wanting to belong.
“Well, it was my first day, and I guess I was pretty nervous and not really sure of what to do,” said PVT Gerner. “Before I had even reported in to the First Sergeant, a Sergeant and two Specialists walked up to me. Of course, I did what I was trained to do, and immediately snapped to the position of parade rest and gave them all the greeting of the day.”

He continued, “After that, they started laughing and talking among themselves about ‘this gay-ass slick-sleeve saying good morning,’ whoever that was. Before I knew it, the Sergeant was in my face and told me to find a box of grid squares. I tried to explain I didn’t know where to find that! Hell, I didn’t even know where the unit supply office was, but he didn’t relent.”
Soldiers new to units often become the subject to pranks that are as old as the Army itself. Often, these pranks involve seasoned soldiers sending the new Private on a quest for objects that don’t exist. Chem light batteries, exhaust samples, frequency grease, and muzzle blast have been sought after by well-intended, yet unaware, junior soldiers.
Former SGT Zachary Willburn, who sent PVT Gerner to find the box of grid squares, took a break from “smoking flavored tobacco” to speak with The Duffel Blog by phone from his home in Boulder, CO.
“Yeah, Gerner. That guy went AWOL his first day after I told him to get some grid squares. I’ve never seen someone take off so fast. Me and the other guys had a pretty big laugh, but, uh, we kinda expected him to come back a few minutes later. I never saw him again after that,” said Willburn. “After a few days, they officially marked him as AWOL. We all though he deserted because we were heading to Iraq in a month.”
PVT Gerner claims to have found the elusive box of grid squares in a remote region in the Himalayan Mountains. “At first, I spent about a year traveling across the United States, Canada, and then South America. After I couldn’t find it in Colombia, I almost gave up hope–you can find anything in Colombia. That’s when I caught a flight to the Middle East. I figured, it’s the cradle of civilization; if this exists, it has to be there.”

more on link.

Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/01/awol-private-returns-after-seven-years-with-box-of-grid-squares/#ixzz2JyDTtKlM

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## MikeL (4 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> I can only assume that this is a joke?



Sending new troops off to get box of grid squares, etc is a real prank.

The article(and everyone from that site) is a joke/satire.


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## Eye In The Sky (4 Feb 2013)

Can of camoflauge paint, can of gas for the C5 after a gas stoppage, blinker fluid  ;D.  The list goes on...

I remember one guy getting sent to the toolcrib at the TSS hanger (K17?) for a lefthanded screwdriver and the guy at the counter (Groovy) lost it after augmenties/non-Armd types had been coming up asking for non-existent stuff all week.   :nod:

There was one poor Tpr looking for quite some time for the reverse lights on the Iltis he'd been tasked to replace as they were obviously both burnt out.  :warstory:


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## Teflon (4 Feb 2013)

If I recall correctly - near the start of my 2 year stint as one one of the CQs at CMTCC in Wainwright a young, haggard and malnourished US Army Private staggering over into our stores in search of the elusive box of grid squares and despite a lengthy attempt by my staff and I to inform him of the nonexistence of any such beast he only kept mumbling about it making sense that we didn't have any "Canada being metric and all" He then inquired if Saskatchewan was metric and we answered that they where more inclined to measure distance in "arm's lengths" and "stone throws" and off he staggered over the eastern horizon.

Just might be something to this story!


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## cupper (4 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> I can only assume that this is a joke?



This may appear to be a joke to you son, but some of us take our job seriously.  ;D

The young man show dedication to his job.  :nod:

We need more people like him.


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## Nfld Sapper (4 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> I can only assume that this is a joke?
> 
> http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/01/awol-private-returns-after-seven-years-with-box-of-grid-squares/
> 
> ...



 :facepalm: @ C.G.R


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## yakherder (5 Feb 2013)

We used to send guys to find fallopian tubing.  If enough people were in on it, they'd send him from place to place for hours.


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## Dissident (5 Feb 2013)

I swear someone invented these: http://www.equipped.com/krill.htm because they were tired of being sent to look for chem light batteries...


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## 211RadOp (5 Feb 2013)

cupper said:
			
		

> This may appear to be a joke to you son, but some of us take our job seriously.  ;D
> 
> The young man show dedication to his job.  :nod:
> 
> We need more people like him.



If he was a Canadian soldier, at least we could now substantiate a mastered on his PER for Dedication.


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## Shamrock (5 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> I can only assume that this is a joke?
> 
> http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/01/awol-private-returns-after-seven-years-with-box-of-grid-squares/



Perhaps I can interest you in some real estate?  You look like the sort of man who would do well for himself owning a bridge.


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## Smirnoff123 (5 Feb 2013)

I did not see the "I can only assume this is a joke" when I copied it over from facebook...I knew it was a joke, hence why I posted in radio chatter!

They're quite common in the trades too, "hey buddy go to the van and get me the wire stretchers!"


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## Fishbone Jones (5 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> I did not see the "I can only assume this is a joke" when I copied it over from facebook...I knew it was a joke, hence why I posted in radio chatter!
> 
> They're quite common in the trades too, "hey buddy go to the van and get me the wire stretchers!"



Except there is such a thing as a wire stretcher.


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## Smirnoff123 (5 Feb 2013)

For electrical wiring? please go find me one.


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## Danjanou (5 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> For electrical wiring? please go find me one.



Oh this is going to be good  op: :worms:


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## Fishbone Jones (5 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> For electrical wiring? please go find me one.



Checkmate

Fi-Shock *Electric* Fence Wire Stretcher 

but since you want to turn it into a pissing contest:

You simply said a wire stretcher, you put no qualifiers on it. If you'd said that to a farm boy or a fence installer, whether or not they were in the 'trades', they'd know exactly what to look for.

Is this the hill you want to die on?


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## Smirnoff123 (5 Feb 2013)

No it is not my intent to turn this in to a pissing match, it may be yours however. I was simply giving an example of a prank a guy would play on a new guy in the trade that I am in. You felt the need to try and prove me wrong. Yes I could have put up more information as to the context of this tool, or you could have asked. If someone showed up with an electric fence stretcher they would be sent back to the van.

No this is not the "hill I want to die on", nor is it the one I think we should waste time arguing about? No hard feelings on my end.


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## Fishbone Jones (5 Feb 2013)

Clarity affords focus. 
-Thomas Leonard-

Serenity now.
-Frank Castanza-


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## medicineman (5 Feb 2013)

yakherder said:
			
		

> We used to send guys to find fallopian tubing.  If enough people were in on it, they'd send him from place to place for hours.



Sent an order for fallopian tubing one day to medical stores as a lark...finally got the 30 odd feet of surgical tubing I actually had ordered several weeks before, with big know on the ends and fimbrae cut into them  :nod:.

The 4 dose months of Prozac for my rifle coy on the other hand still haven't arrived 19 years after the order was placed...


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## Pieman (5 Feb 2013)

Give a new guy a bucket of water and tell him it is IR paint. Watch him paint a LAV III top to bottom.

Nothing to do but kill time in the regiment.


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## cupper (5 Feb 2013)

After sending them looking for muffler bearings, cans of compression, or a gallon of camouflage paint,  we'd ask them to get a new piston return spring. they'd refuse claiming that you were screwing with them. Then you would graciously explain that it is a spring used in a brake cylinder between the pistons. Get them coming and going.


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## PuckChaser (5 Feb 2013)

Pieman said:
			
		

> Give a new guy a bucket of water and tell him it is IR paint. Watch him paint a LAV III top to bottom.



Thats amazing, I think its worth trying on a few of our bisons.


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## Shamrock (5 Feb 2013)

C.G.R said:
			
		

> No it is not my intent to turn this in to a pissing match, it may be yours however. I was simply giving an example of a prank a guy would play on a new guy in the trade that I am in. You felt the need to try and prove me wrong. Yes I could have put up more information as to the context of this tool, or you could have asked. If someone showed up with an electric fence stretcher they would be sent back to the van.
> 
> No this is not the "hill I want to die on", nor is it the one I think we should waste time arguing about? No hard feelings on my end.



Hey, while you two were finagling, I was out plying my trade.  These things just sell themselves - I've already sold five!  Two left, but I'm willing to hold one for you for a day or so, but if I get a better offer...


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## Journeyman (6 Feb 2013)

Shamrock said:
			
		

> These things just sell themselves - I've already sold five!


Did you sell them all to Serbs, or is it more of a mixed market these days?
                  op:


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## Spanky (6 Feb 2013)

I know of one guy who sent our driver to maintenance for a metric adjustable wrench.  She returned with the wrong one.  It was stamped with "imperial" tool makers logo.  Needless to say she was sent back.


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## daniel12 (6 Feb 2013)

Is this really true? I searched google but wasn't able to find anything other than the link in the OP.


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## cupper (6 Feb 2013)

daniel12 said:
			
		

> Is this really true? I searched google but wasn't able to find anything other than the link in the OP.



 :facepalm:


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## Old Sweat (6 Feb 2013)

daniel12 said:
			
		

> Is this really true? I searched google but wasn't able to find anything other than the link in the OP.



Go on the link and take a look at some of the other stories.


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## MikeL (6 Feb 2013)

daniel12 said:
			
		

> Is this really true? I searched google but wasn't able to find anything other than the link in the OP.



I really hope you're joking...


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## daniel12 (6 Feb 2013)

Now I feel like an idiot lol


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## Jarnhamar (6 Feb 2013)

daniel12 said:
			
		

> Now I feel like an idiot lol


Don't worry. Soldiers who think are exhibiting a lack of trust in their chain of command who are supposed to think for them.

Let this be a lesson that you should just obey


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## Rheostatic (6 Feb 2013)

ObedientiaZelum said:
			
		

> Let this be a lesson that you should just obey


Now kindly go find us a bucket of prop wash.


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## horatio749 (7 Feb 2013)

My personal favorite was to send the private on the range to go get the brass magnet. They would run from the firing point to the butts and then back to the ammo point, and the range shack, if you had enough instructors in on it.  ;D
By the time he got back all the brass was cleaned up..... time to march back to the shacks.


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