# My "dishonorable" Decision



## elecgitarguy (5 Aug 2008)

**WARNING TO READERS- A FRUSTRATING RANT ABOUT MY PARENTS AND THE ARMY IS BELOW **

So good news everyone; I am signing on the 14th, leaving on the 16th, beginning BMQ on the 18. 

I understand my parents (or for that matter, parents in general), being what they are, worry about me and only want the best. When I informed them of my decision, at first they were very angry and in shock, to the point of being threatened to be kicked out of the house (I leave for BMQ in 2 weeks..not a problem haha).

And then they became accepting of the fact I was leaving. I know they do not agree with my decision..I know they absolutely despise my decision to join the army, "You're throwing my life away, You're going to be a cripple, Give your head a shake! We didn't raise you to do stupid things like this". I disagree with all of that, because I like to think that NOT EVERYONE IN THE ARMY is throwing their life away, doing stupid things like joining the army, etc. I mostly ignore their comments. My view is, to feel a calling towards the armed forces or any career that places your life in danger to make other in danger is not something you understand unless you feel that same urge to volunteer. I think it takes courage and dedication to join any branch of the armed forces, regardless of your trade. But today I was told something that really hurt me.

After a bit of an argument, my younger brother(16 yrs old), came to me and began to yell and curse at me, saying things like, "*You are fighting for nothing, it's all bullshit you're gonna die for. Give your head a shake*". I ignored most of it, and when I asked him to stop berating me and he continued, I asked my mom to call him off. She just looked at me and said, "Well..".  At least now there is no confusion as to where my parents stand.

I started walking out the door, turned around and told him calmly, "Whether you agree with the war or not, I have a strong sense of honor that makes me want to serve my country, and the courage to do it in the army".
He said to me,  "*There's no honor in what you're doing. It's all bullshit. You have no honor.That's right, I'm telling you to your face. There is no honor in the army or f***ing getting killed.*"
I replied, "If you actually believe that, you are disgracing every person that has has served to protect this country and your ability to express those opinions" 
To my mom I said, "Are you going to allow him to say that? Tell me you don't agree with him! He is showing disrespect to everyone who died to protect us". She again just looked at me and said, "*Well, he *(my brother)* is right*".

I am just furious. I heard such hurtful and unpatriotic comments from my own family. It hurts to know they not only said those things, but actually believe them. I'm ashamed to be a part of a family that is so ignorant and disrespectful of all our veterans, past and present. It really pains me to think that if if anything were to happen to me, or when Nov.11 rolls around, they think that people have died for "bullshit". 

I told them before this is not Iraq, its Afghanistan. Canadians were killed on 9-11. This is about defending our country. When I told my Dad that, he said, "Yeah, OK" and rolled his eyes.

Regardless, I am proud to soon call myself a member of the best fighting force in the world. I'm proud to say I will be a part of the long standing honor and tradition that has defended this great country. I sure am looking forward to joining my new big family and feeling that support and care for each other than I don't feel now.


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## Good2Golf (5 Aug 2008)

You are your own person and while it is unfortunate that your family doesn't support you, there is nothing at all dishonourable in wanting to serve your country.  Whether your family ever appreciates and respects your decision or not, the experiences you will gain are next to without equal in any other career or profession in Canada.  You will learn self-discipline, time management, and teamwork, things that will serve you well in the military, but also well in the rest of your life once you leave the service.  You will no doubt see a large portion of your country that most Canadians will never get to see on their own, and that will help you form an excellent perspective of events as they unfold across the nation.  To also have the opportunity to serve overseas will give you even more experiences that let you appreciate all the more, the country that you call home.  For all these reasons, there is neither dishonour, nor disadvantage to serving in the army.  Congratulations on having the convictions to choose your own destiny!

All the best to you!

G2G


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## HItorMiss (5 Aug 2008)

There is a radio add on The Bear in Ottawa that goes...

"Your anti War shirt is a hit with your friends...They fought to make sure you can wear it" 

You can't make them agree with how you feel, but you can deffend with your life their right to feel and express that feeling. They may not understand and they may say it openly and in fact cal into question everything you yourself believe in but at night when you sleep soundly knowing that you have fallen into ranks with those who will forever ensure that generations before and after you will disagree with you but will live in a society that will let them do so.


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## Bruce Monkhouse (5 Aug 2008)

Maybe they are just scared for you, and thus, being human, are lashing out?


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## Good2Golf (5 Aug 2008)

...there is something known as "distancing", whereby loved ones will be combative verbally and argue/be disagreeable with someone entering into service.  This also can occur with family members of a soon to be deploying service member.  It's actually more common than you might think.

G2G


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## daftandbarmy (5 Aug 2008)

I can guarantee you that your 'new family' will be far more supportive. Well done, and best of luck.


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## Kat Stevens (5 Aug 2008)

Fuckemall...walk away, don't look back.


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## Eye In The Sky (5 Aug 2008)

Your parents and 16 year old brother are living in a country where they are allowed to have their own opinions and voice them.

You will soon have a deeper understanding of what that is all about, as one who volunteers to defend their right to their own opinion.

Don't bother to try to change their minds by force, it won't happen.

Learn to serve, and become one of the quiet professionals.  

If they never change their minds/opinions, your other family will ALWAYS understand, and that family is the other troops, NCOs and Officers you serve with, under and for.  

Welcome to the CF family.  We are always here for you.


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## PuckChaser (5 Aug 2008)

Congrats on your decision, and your fortitude to stand up against a tough critique from your family. I'm sure they'll warm up eventually, and realize the error in their way of thinking. Good luck on your BMQ!


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## Kirkhill (5 Aug 2008)

elecgitarguy -

you've made an honourable decision and I wish you all the best in your new career.  However I think Bruce is onto something.  You have had a long time to come to this decision.  How long did you give your family?

Yes, there is a family waiting for you.  But you can't be leaving your real family behind....both sides lose then.

Your kid brother and your mother -  I'm willing to bet they're not interested in principles at this time.  They're probably just dead scared that the person they love isn't coming back to them and they're probably not understanding why you see the world they way you do.

Try engaging them without letting them get to you.  You may not change many minds but you will at least keep the lines of communication open.

Besides, it'll be good practice.

Cheers, Chris.


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## blacktriangle (5 Aug 2008)

Hey,

Congrats on your decision. 

I leave next month for my Infantry course in Wainwright and I can understand what hell your life must be. My family isn't overly thrilled either, only the ones who have served truly understand and accept it. I'm leaving my family, my friends and the girl I've loved for the last 4 years behind in order to pursue my dream. Don't try and make everyone else understand, after all, you'll see your face every morning in the mirror, not them. If you're anything like me, you will want to be able to face that reflection and know that no matter what the cost is, you did your best and followed what you wanted to do. 

Cheers and best of luck on your BMQ and subsequent military career.


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## Infanteer (5 Aug 2008)

Well done.  Attitude is everything in this line of work and you're off to a good start.


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## JimMorrison19 (5 Aug 2008)

Good luck, elecgitarguy. It is unfortunate that they feel that way, but they may learn to understand or at least accept it in time. I hope to eventually join up as an officer, but have to wait another year and a half or so for my doctor to say I'm clean of the cancer nonsense - and I'm already getting flak from some friends and some family. Some people will try and tell you're too "smart" to be in the military, others will consider your decision akin to jumping in front of a bus, and yet more still will suggest alternatives that might be better because they're doing them. In the end the only control over your decision belongs to you, not anyone else. Others before me are right - they probably haven't had much time to adjust, or learn what it's really all about (whether they allow themselves to or not). Whether they do or not, it's what you want to do, and only you can make it happen.


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## MedTechStudent (5 Aug 2008)

elecgitarguy said:
			
		

> Regardless, I am proud to soon call myself a member of the best fighting force in the world. I'm proud to say I will be a part of the long standing honor and tradition that has defended this great country. I sure am looking forward to joining my new big family and feeling that support and care for each other than I don't feel now.



Well thats all that really matters isn't it?  


You will never please *every*one.
You're doing what you feel is the right thing.
Don't let other's judgements on your personal choice hurt you, even if its your family.  It stings the most coming from them I know.


Good luck!

Kyle

PS.  Pffft electrics are great, but you were a good boy and *learned* on an Acoustic right?


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## GUNS (5 Aug 2008)

Dude, those two things that are hanging between your legs just got bigger.

You made the right decision as to your goals but don't leave your family out of your future.

Treat your family as your new family will treat you. Patience is required to address issues with your own family.

I hope everything works out eventually.


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## vonGarvin (5 Aug 2008)

I don't know you, and I don't know your family.  I do know this, however.  One day you will leave the CF.  It could be for any reason, and maybe even after 30+ years of honourable service.  You will never leave your family, however.  They may disagree with your decision, and it may just be that they love you and are scared that you  could be hurt (a very real possibility).  I don't know.  Maybe your dad is this guy and your mom is this woman.  I don't know, and it doesn't matter.  
Even though they disagree with you, you have made your decision, and _I believe_, in the long run, your family will respect you for it.


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## Ex-Dragoon (5 Aug 2008)

I like to echo everyone else and say kudos do you and I hope your family will eventually come around.


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## military granny (5 Aug 2008)

elecgitarguy

My son joined the C.F. five years ago much to the dismay of some of our family members including his dad. It did take some time for them to "come around" but they did. All of them have taken part in as much of his career as possible. Your family more then likely will come around in time. Speaking as a parent, it was a shock when my son made the decision to join up but I took some time to really think about what he wanted. And now I not only support him but all the men and women he serves with. 
I guess what I'm trying to say is give them and yourself some time. 
You will come back from your BMQ a different person and by that time if not sooner your family will know this isn't just a flash in the pan.
Have a great time at BMQ. And know the Military Family is huge and there will be a lot of us standing behind you.


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## Beltlink (16 Aug 2008)

Your decision is only dishonorable if you say so.
I would choose others words for it.
Go with your heart son, and when you are done your days work, help others finish theirs.
You are entering into a brotherhood that will never forget you.
Your good points and bad.
Yes, you will have both, and lots of them.

Your family will eventually accept your choice.
I just may take them a while.

Once you step into this world tho --- remember this --- those that you left behind will never be the same. And you will therefore know in your gut where you truly belong.
And so will we.


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## Osotogari (17 Aug 2008)

elecgitarguy,

At more than one point in your training you will reach a low ebb where you will be tempted to pack it in.  Whether it's the PT, the routine, the inspections, the sleep deprivation, something will get to you.  I hope you will remember what you've gone through at home to help motivate you in those times.  Someday, they will see the improvements you've made in yourself and the accomplishments you've made.  

Mothers rarely want to see their sons join up.  Ditto for wives watching their husbands get on the plane.  Mom will have to realize you're grown up, and this is what you do.  As for your brother, remember the opinions of a 16-year-old don't go very far, unless you're selling a line of hip-hop clothing or tobacco products.  At that age they're being influenced by socialist teachers or he's trying to get into somesome activist chick's pants. (the main reason most guys end up dabbling in the peace movement)  Hopefully he'll get a job start to be around normal people.  Or you can punch his lights out when you go on Christmas leave. 

Best of luck with your training.  

​DON'T QUIT


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## bartbandyrfc (17 Aug 2008)

Elecgitarguy,

I agree with most of the other posts. As others have said, family is important.  Although they disagree are and are sometimes insulting in their criticism, I suggest you just tell them they are entitled to their opinion and that you insist that they respect yours.  Support is nice, but respect is more important.  Although it is hard to not get emotional, just remain calm with your family.  They are likely scared, especially your brother. Try to remain dispassionate in your convictions, but respect their fears and feelings.  Definitely do not walk away from them.

As a previous poster has said, it is very important that you continue to maintain the strength of your convictions.  There will be times when your passion for this calling will flag in strength.  It may be during training, or it may be later on when you see some decision being made that you think is stupid.  The were definitely be a time when the flame will ebb and you will want to quit.  The lack of support from your family will sap your strength too.  Keep the faith, and always go back to the deep feeling that you now have for your calling.  You have character - so I expect this will not be an issue for you.

If you wish to read a fantastic novel that deals with these conflicts and emotions, I suggest "Once an Eagle" by Anton Myer.  Although it is about an American soldier and during an earlier time, the conflicts that the protagonist has with his wife over his decision to remain in the army are worth reading about for perspectives. 

Good luck, and we are all glad you are joining us.

BB

PS When you are away, phone your mother - A LOT.


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## Celticgirl (17 Aug 2008)

Osotogari said:
			
		

> Mothers rarely want to see their sons join up.  Ditto for wives watching their husbands get on the plane.



Ditto fathers and their daughters. All I've heard lately from my father is, "the military is not for you", "you can't handle it", "you're not the military type", "military kids are brats", etc, etc. I don't happen to share those views. I don't think I am "making a big mistake" by joining. I think I am following the dream I have had for 18+ years and finally doing what I want and not what others want. Life is too short. My daughter is supportive. My fiance is supportive (he's in the Air Force, too). Ultimately, I think that my father will come around, and even if he doesn't, he won't stop loving me because I am in the CF. He can continue to disapprove, but he cannot live my life for me and he clearly doesn't understand that this is the path I want to be on...this is what is going to make me happy and fulfilled. 

I only hope that when my daughter tells me what her career aspirations are, I can keep my mouth shut if I think she is making "a big mistake" (short of wanting to be a drug dealer or porn star, of course, lol). Support is wonderful if you have it, but don't let it deter you if you don't.


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## Haletown (17 Aug 2008)

stick to yer guns laddie.  Well done.   

Sounds like your family is afflicted with a high dosage of socialist modernism mumbo-jumboism.

Buy them a matching set of Che Guevera  T shirts and they'll be happy.

Meanwhile, do your best and good luck in basic.


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## Hawk (17 Aug 2008)

Best wishes in your chosen path!

When I joined - in the deep dark past ('60's), my parents were sort-of ok with it. Dad had served in WWII, and Mom was a bit nervous of the whole thing, but knew if my mind was made up, there was no sense arguing with me. Funny thing is, Dad caught proper sh** from HIS mother. For whatever reason, it was important to Grandma that I bore the family name. All my life I got "The only M****n girl doesn't do this, or that".  "The only M****n"  girl did exactly as she liked (still does)! I wrote Grandma often, and took lots of pictures of where I'd been and my friends to show her. She came around by Christmas.

There was one girl in my Cornwallis class who's father locked here in her room so she'd miss the train to Cornwallis. Her brother helped her get out the window and took her to the train station on the handlebars of his bike.

Hang in there - your future's worth whatever you need to endure right now.


Hawk


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