# Job offered, and would like to hear some opinions



## NewfieBish

Hey everyone, just wanted to come to this section of the forums to let you all know about where I find myself now, and what you guys suggest are possible ways to approach this job offer.

I was offered a position in the Geo Tech. trade last week, and would be starting BMQ on April 23rd. My girlfriend of 6 years is being supportive, but she is at the same time letting me know that she doesn't want to leave her teaching position here in Newfoundland to move with me because of outstanding student loans and so on. She would be leaving her career, to come with me and look for work so to say.

Also, she doesn't like the sound of moving alot (As I understand members of the military change postings once every 3-5 years or so) because as a teacher, she wouldn't be able to hold a permanent job, and thus would lose the benefit of a good teaching pension once she retires, due to leaving jobs every 3-5 years and not paying into one pension constantly.

I myself don't really mind all this, and I have experience in geomatics and would LOVE to have a career in that area; however I think I should take her situation into consideration.

So what do you guys think? I have been with this girl for 6 years, and we hope to maybe have a house to semi "settle down" in a couple of years; so I am beginning to think it may be best if I decline this offer and look for a career that will give me what I want, while not taking from what she has worked very hard for.

It really sucks that this is what it boils down to, but I know where she's coming from. If I was her and had a student loan to pay and car payment and all the other regular bills, I wouldn't want to chance leaving my (her) current teaching position to follow me with the military and probably end up with a job at a grocery store or something like that to get her bills paid from month to month.

It's a tough decision for me, and I want to know what you guys think about this. When I applied for the military, neither of us had a job worth talking about, but now that she has one related to her university degree, it does kind of change things.

Thanks again, and feel free to say whatever you think of this.


----------



## Journeyman

NLer709B said:
			
		

> Thanks again, and feel free to say whatever you think of this.


Didn't you play this game here less than a month ago, and leave pouting after your sand castle got kicked over?   :


----------



## Journeyman

Regardless of the context, time is usually better spent grabbing another beer than typing (especially in a recruiting thread), assuming -- by the beer -- that you're off rather than being on stand-by with your pager off.   ;D


----------



## matthew1786

1. Take the job, she can find a teaching job wherever you get posted.


..... but then again, I'm just a total f*kn stranger that literally knows nothing about you, and I'm deciding the most important decision you might ever have to make, for you. If that is how you really want this to go, then refer back to line 1. If not, I suggest you have a long and serious discussion with your female friend, and gather advice from people that know you well.


----------



## Nichfour

Personally my opinion is to ditch the girl you are not married, I was with a women for 3 years and when I applied (around 7 months ago) she said I had to choose her or the job that would have me gone from home a lot. Personally it was an easy choice it was basically trading my future for hers and I said "Nice knowing you" and handed in my application now I am merit listed and could not have been happier with my decision. It sucked for a little while without her but honestly you get over it I would never compromise my future for anyone else's sake when it comes to decisions like this. Obviously if you were married with kids that is different. I don't know you or your relationship but imagine if she hits the road in a year and you are left wishing you would have taken the job. 

you have some thinking to do.


----------



## Cui

Nichfour said:
			
		

> Personally my opinion is to ditch the girl you are not married, I was with a women for 3 years and when I applied (around 7 months ago) she said I had to choose her or the job that would have me gone from home a lot. Personally it was an easy choice it was basically trading my future for hers and I said "Nice knowing you" and handed in my application now I am merit listed and could not have been happier with my decision. It sucked for a little while without her but honestly you get over it I would never compromise my future for anyone else's sake when it comes to decisions like this. Obviously if you were married with kids that is different. I don't know you or your relationship but imagine if she hits the road in a year and you are left wishing you would have taken the job.
> 
> you have some thinking to do.



Well, if you are in a really committed relationship, there are things to consider other than "do I really want this job or not". You don't know his position, maybe he just bought a ring today and will pop the question soon. Just because you are not married, doesn't mean you should dump your boyfriend/girlfriend on a whim.

As well, holy run on sentences. I think I ran out of breath just reading that. There was only one comma in that paragraph... 

Just saying


----------



## Nichfour

Cui said:
			
		

> Well, if you are in a really committed relationship, there are things to consider other than "do I really want this job or not". You don't know his position, maybe he just bought a ring today and will pop the question soon. Just because you are not married, doesn't mean you should dump your boyfriend/girlfriend on a whim.
> 
> As well, holy run on sentences. I think I ran out of breath just reading that. There was only one comma in that paragraph...
> 
> Just saying



That is why I started the reply off with "Opinion". I was under the impression the OP was looking for different view points, not to mention the title of the thread "Job offered, and would like to hear some opinions". I simply gave the summary of my situation as an opinion, because although I was in a committed relationship with an apartment, car, pets etc I found my partner to be hostile to my aspirations. My course of action was the result of long talks and disputes, but I was trying to keep my reply brief and to the point. I also acknowledged the fact that I do not know the OP or his current situation regarding his relationship. 

Furthermore I didn't find the sentence structure of my response to be that bad. The second sentence could have used a comma I agree ,but if you are running out of breath while reading I suggest taking a break at the periods.


----------



## PMedMoe

So, you've been with this girl for six years and didn't ask her opinion before applying?  Now you've been offered a job that other people would kill for and you can't decide if you want it?  Why did you apply in the first place?


----------



## NewfieBish

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> So, you've been with this girl for six years and didn't ask her opinion before applying?  Now you've been offered a job that other people would kill for and you can't decide if you want it?  Why did you apply in the first place?



I applied in November 2010, she was finishing her degree but never had  a job with it yet, so I guess she just thought "why not?" So I applied then, and got merit listed early in 2011. Since then now she's finished her degree and moved into her job, and now that the offer has come for me, we stepped back a bit and had another look at the big picture.

Makes me feel terrible, the thought of turning down this type of career, but as one poster said above, it's as if one of us will have to give up something for the other. Since she has more time and money invested into her education, I think the appropriate thing for me to do is let her work her career as she is doing and find something that goes with that for myself.

I hope if I do turn this offer down, it doesn't burn any bridges between myself and the CF; I think highly of it, and maybe in another couple of years when she is debt free and a little more flexible, maybe then we could have another look at it if I am not in a better position than now myself.


----------



## PrettyMaggie63

Go ahead and turn it down, there are a whole lot of people waiting in line behind you.  How can you say that is what you wanted then? But you are not sure now? The majority of teachers get moved around from school to school every couple of years to keep them from getting stagnant.  If you are so undecided, just step aside and let someone else have the job, someone who really wants it.


----------



## MMSS

There's a saying I've heard; if you really want to do something, you'll find a way, otherwise, you'll find an excuse. I have also heard, never let anyone, spouse, girlfriend, or family stand in the way of your career and your happiness. The only question is, is this something that *you* want? If it is, you'll find a way to make it work.


----------



## Donny

prettymaggie63, Well said!


----------



## Journeyman

NLer709B said:
			
		

> ..... and maybe in another couple of years ....we could have another look at it


So in a couple of years everyone can _again_ tell you that "obviously the CF isn't for you" -- she may have less debt, but by then she'll have seniority that she won't give up...or kids....or, as MMSS said, whatever excuse.

...and she'll still have your balls in her purse.


----------



## NewfieBish

Alot of good points made. One half of me wants to do what's best for both me and my girlfriend, and the more outgoing half of me wants to bang it all down and do this for me and figure out the love life later.

I talk to the recruiter Tuesday, and whatever I decide to do, thanks for taking the time to comment. Ill let you all know how things go, and hope I make the right decision.


----------



## Maxadia

As a schoolteacher, I'll jump in. 

No, you can just get posted anywhere and have her walk into a new teaching job.  In MANY parts of the country, it's almost impossible right now to get a good job, and if you do, you might end up in a division where their contract doesn't have any seniority in it.

You're right...one of you has to give something up, or face the consequences of being unhappy.

So give up the job, give up the girl, or give up the idea of both of you finding a happy compromise...it's extremely rare.


----------



## Pusser

You can also think of this from another perspective.  She has only just started in her teaching career.  Where will she be in a year?  Will she be loving it or hating it?  Will she even have a job?  Keep in mind that she is still at the bottom of the totem pole and so will be among the first layoffs.  Teaching is a fairly transportable career, which goes well with a military family.  Granted, it's difficult to find permanent treaching positions at this time, but not impossible to get on as a supply teacher. Opportunity is often a result of what you do for yourself.  I can't tell you which choice you should make, but I can point out that the current situation seems to be one of either her bagging groceries or you, so you need to think about this long and hard.

I will close with this: more than one person has made th choice to either not join the CF or get out at the behest of his/her significant other, only to find themselves both without that significant other and the career they always wanted because things changed after the choice was made.

The question is, what do you want?


----------



## Maxadia

NLer709B said:
			
		

> and the more outgoing half of me wants to bang it all down and do this for me and figure out the love life later.



There you go.

If she really was the one....you wouldn't be trying to figure this out.


----------



## matt1994

If it were me, and I loved the offer they made me then I would take it. 

But, hard to say what is best for you, because I don't know you.

It's either take the job you love, or be with the woman you love, or both if it can work out which I bet would be tough.

Best of luck in your future though!


----------



## PuckChaser

RDJP said:
			
		

> There you go.
> 
> If she really was the one....you wouldn't be trying to figure this out.



And she'd realize her career is portable, she can start teaching anywhere. Sounds like she just doesn't want to leave home.


----------



## NewfieBish

PuckChaser said:
			
		

> And she'd realize her career is portable, she can start teaching anywhere. Sounds like she just doesn't want to leave home.



Yeah I mean, of course I don't want to move away from my parents and friends etc, but this day in age you don't get to choose where you take a job, it's a situation of consider yourself lucky to have one, especially a career oriented one such as the CF.

I could understand my woman not wanting to move, thats normal, but it's not something that makes you not take up an opportunity like what I've been offered. It's funny, I've been with her 6 years and I can't see myself with anyone else, but all of this even has me starting to wonder.


----------



## Sub_Guy

Take the offer. 

And your balls, make like MJ and beat it.  Besides you are young, the odds are stacked against you and your relationship.  Which if it were as serious as you say, we wouldn't be posting about it.


----------



## aesop081

NLer709B said:
			
		

> but all of this even has me starting to wonder.



Well then, i guess you're not as committed to her as you thought.


----------



## Jarnhamar

NLer709B said:
			
		

> Thanks again, and feel free to say whatever you think of this.



You should turn down your offer and not look back. There are other people ready to fight tooth and nail to join the military and fight tyranny and chaos(ha).


Big chance that;

You won't take the offer and she will end up leaving you after you help pay off her debt. You'll blame us for not making you join.
You'll take the offer and she'll leave you down the road. You'll blame us for making you choose the military.


Maybe though, you'll choose to stop thinking of "you" and start thinking of the people that will be helped by helping make the Canadian Forces stronger.


----------



## Deelo

NLer709B said:
			
		

> Thanks again, and feel free to say whatever you think of this.



This is just opinion, and based upon my personal experience:
I'm starting BMQ on 23 April after accepting a position in the CF. I'm leaving my wife of 3-1/2 years (been together for 8-1/2 years) at home with our 3 month old baby while I train for most of the next year or so. Ideal situation? Not by a long shot. Will sacrifices be made? Absolutely. When I got the call, there was no question that I was accepting it, as I want to serve the country which has given me so much.  If you want it, accept. If you aren't sure, don't.


----------



## Gunner98

If you can't commit to a course of action now, what will you do when the training gets hard.

If you turn down the offer what is your fall back position in terms of supporting her and contributing to the household while you pay down her debts.

Some of life's hardest decisions come when you actually get what you ask/apply for.  

Carpe Diem - seize the day - do not wonder about an unlived life, reap the harvest of the seeds you plant.


----------



## estoguy

I agree with a lot of the other posters... If I was in your shoes and was handed the opportunity, I'd take it.  No questions.  

Either your lady will understand or she won't.  If she truly loves you and wants you to happy as well, she'll understand.  And as a teacher, her job can be picked up anywhere.  She may lose the benefit of a government pension, but there is nothing to stop her from contributing to her RRSP either. 

Your own life, career and happiness are dependent upon you, not anyone else.  I was in a relationship when I started my process, and although she had reservations about me going, I told her in no uncertain terms that if I got accepted, that I'd be going, no matter what.


----------



## curious george

I'm in no position to tell you what to do.  However, I'm trying to imagine myself in your shoes.  I'd take the job, then let her decide what to do.  In other words, put the ball in her hands.  You'll also see how committed she is to you, another important factor.


----------



## Mushroom

For those of you who think if she loves him she can just pick up teaching anywhere you must not realize that teaching jobs (especially permanent ones) are not easy to come by, If your gf has a permanent position I wouldn't recommend she gives it up to travel the country with you, She probably won't be able to find another permanent one anytime soon and what would be the point if you were just going to move again and again and again. Teaching is not a job you can just pick up in any city (at least not these days) there is allot of competition out there and even if she can get a job as a temp or "Substitute" it wouldn't compare to an actual full time teaching gig, also since she has accumulated some debts her fulltime job is going to look allot better than a part time job as a substitute for paying those pesky loans off,  unless of course you plan on helping pay off said debts with your salary as a private which isn't much ( but hey, you dont join the military to make the big bucks)

  You need to decide soon, If you are unsure now your going to be one of those week 5 dropouts because you miss your gf. 6 years is allot of time to give up on someone so I understand the hesitation but maybe you should talk to the recruiter about getting a later BMQ date so you have the time to figure it out (not that you shouldn't have figured it out way back when she was still in school or maybe before) so your not just wasting the spot that couldeve gone to someone that has been waiting, is more serious  and obviously wanting it more than you, because lets be honest, there are people willing to kill to get a spot this year and your not even sure your willing to leave your gf. 



Edit:   You might also consider the reserves oppose to going reg force,  then you can stay with your long time gf and still get to serve your country


----------



## Maxadia

RDJP said:
			
		

> As a schoolteacher, I'll jump in.
> 
> No, you can just get posted anywhere and have her walk into a new teaching job.  In MANY parts of the country, it's almost impossible right now to get a good job, and if you do, you might end up in a division where their contract doesn't have any seniority in it.
> 
> You're right...one of you has to give something up, or face the consequences of being unhappy.
> 
> So give up the job, give up the girl, or give up the idea of both of you finding a happy compromise...it's extremely rare.





Already mentioned.  It's humorous seeing how many people on here are adamant about the fact that it is so competitive to get into the forces, but just assume that you can pick up a teaching job anywhere....

Pot....meet kettle.   ;D


----------



## MKos

Nichfour said:
			
		

> Personally my opinion is to ditch the girl you are not married, I was with a women for 3 years and when I applied (around 7 months ago) she said I had to choose her or the job that would have me gone from home a lot. Personally it was an easy choice it was basically trading my future for hers and I said "Nice knowing you" and handed in my application now I am merit listed and could not have been happier with my decision. It sucked for a little while without her but honestly you get over it I would never compromise my future for anyone else's sake when it comes to decisions like this. Obviously if you were married with kids that is different. I don't know you or your relationship but imagine if she hits the road in a year and you are left wishing you would have taken the job.
> 
> you have some thinking to do.



I would have to agree with this!  :nod:


----------



## jemcgrg

I'm definitely of the opinion that you should not take the job offer at this point. I've been waiting three years to get in and it looks like I am probably going to have to wait a 4th because of the cutbacks. 

My boyfriend is already in the military and when we met he knew I was trying to get in. He also understand that when I get in I will have to be away and once I'm trained we might not get posted together but he is completely understanding and acknowledges that this is something that is important to me and I am not willing to sacrifice. We have made the commitment to each other to stay together while we persue our individual careers because we want to be happy. 

If your girlfriend really loves you she will support you in your decision. Maybe she shouldn't leave her job right away and you could spend some time apart while she looks for a job where you get posted. There is no reason she has to up and leave everything immediately just because you are posted elsewhere. I agree with the previous post that you will find a way to make it work if it's supposed to work.


----------



## Gunner98

If you take the offer, she will not move right away. You will have lots of training over the first year or two.  Until you complete this training she will not be joining you in a permanent residence unless you move yourself.  Since you do not know where you will end up working that will be a little difficult.

There will be lots of time to weigh the following:

1. How deep is your love?
2. Where do you want to live?
3. How long will be your first posting be?
4. Is her teaching degree recognized in other provinces?
5. Are you cut out for the military?

Speaking as someone with more than 25 years in uniform and someone who has lived apart from wife and kids for most of the last 4 years due to work commitments, your sacrifice for your dreams of serving in the military are truly 'unlimited'.

If you never take the first step you will never know the wonders of the journey that awaits you.  If you step aside, others will happily take your place.

There is only one opinions that matters - that is yours - so think carefully, then make decision. If you look back you may regret it but if you look forward the wonderful journey down either path will begin.


----------



## NewfieBish

Hello again. I spoke to the recruiter on Tuesday and declined the offer. I thought it was best since I couldn't be 100% sure at this point it is in fact what I want to do, so better off in the hands of someone who's been waiting for this kind of offer; rather than me get 6 months in and not like it and cost the CF time and money (and myself).

Not that I don't realize how big of an opportunity it could have been for myself, I just can't say at this time that it's the _right_ one that best suits both me and my girl. She's finally beginning to get into her career, so I'd rather wait a and see how things go in the next couple of years. Never know? Maybe she won't even land a permanent job here in NL and she might _want_ to move with me if and when I reapply. At least then we'd have tested the waters more and we'd know for sure it was the best move. Right now is too soon to tell.

Thanks all for the help in the decision, I took it all into consideration. I'm going to stay around the boards and try to keep an ear open towards the CF.

Cheers.


----------



## matthew1786

Not an easy decision. I hope it works out for you.

Cheers.


----------



## Deelo

Very tough decision. I wish you luck in the future.


----------



## observor 69

Don't join. 
You are smart enough to do the math and in "your" situation it doesn't add up to enough of a push to join.

When I joined from a small town in NB, many many years ago, I had no job, no trade, no opportunity and no clue.
Oh and I was 19 and single.  You?


----------

