# Separation Anxiety



## Wade (24 May 2004)

I was just wondering how to deal with being away from loved ones for long periods of time....I know that a summer is not very long, but I tend to get home-sick very quickly...I don‘t know why, my thinking is to let my fiancee know when I arrive in Shilo and then maybe only talk once in a while, the more I talk to her on the phone the more I will miss her.  Any suggestions?


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## RJG (24 May 2004)

I was fearing the exact same thing, I will miss my girlfriend so much. Last summer I went away for 3 weeks to visit my Grandparents in Germany and I missed her then.

The way I see it though, I think I will be in too much pain too worry about that...


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## Wade (24 May 2004)

I hope so, I guess if I just keep it in mind that failure/quitting is not an option then I should be ok....I sound so stupid because I am 34 years old and I should have no problem with this....


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## Bert (24 May 2004)

Everyone deals with separation differently.  The
crunch of it happens in the second week and getting over that hump will allow you to continue on.  In my platoon, there were two guys that wanted to request for volunteer release (VR) and it was a combination of separation and not sure if they could handle BMQ.

During the first and second week (regular force BMQ), the staff wacks on the workload and its a big shock for most people.  Recruits are not used to the pace, other members of the platoon, trying to work together, interpersonal issues, the stress of forced timings particularily, testing, and getting crap together on-time.  Usually, during the later second week, the recruit feels a ball of anxiety building and then hits the "hump".  And some decide to go into the VR process or question their desire to continue.

This is the moment of truth for some. And I recommend that the affected recruit talk to their
"section" or to someone that was placed in the platoon from PAT.  This also represents one of the
beginnings of true teamwork forming in the platoon.

The guy in our section who wanted to VR spoke to
us about his feelings and what come out of the
conversation was this:

1.  There was and is a desire to join the Forces;
2.  Your already here;
3.  The platoon helps the platoon (section helps
section)and we stick together;
4.   The VR process CAN take as long as 4 week;
5.   You‘ll be put on a PAT platoon awaiting
release for the process to end;
6.   If its 4 weeks, thats half the course and you
might as well finish it as the work is somewhat
similar on PAT anyway (that was the truth);
7.   After BMQ, the regular military is different
 and its just 10 weeks and you‘re done with BMQ.
Don‘t worry about short term issues, focus on finishing the course and take it day by day.

The guy considered what was discuss and it was a combo of the team sticking together and the lengthy VR process.  Might as well stick it out 
and he made a decision to stay in and finish BMQ.

This guy did finish the course and was one of three nominated for the "Person displaying the
most teamwork and comradship".  I can‘t remember the name of the award right now.  But he did really well after getting over the hump.  

Another guy in the platoon (in another section)
made a decision to VR and left St.Jean within a few weeks.  The military just wasn‘t for him.

What I‘m saying may not have a context right
now until the second week.  Good luck and 
remember for the time you‘re in BMQ; your a band of brothers/sisters and stick together.


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## Fusaki (24 May 2004)

It isn‘t too bad once you see that everyone else is feeling the same way. Misery loves company, and you‘ll have losts of that. Enjoy!!!!


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## Wade (24 May 2004)

Thanks for the response guys, it helps...and you are absolutely right...I will be successful I was just nervous about getting over that hump...Thanks


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## semeniuk (24 May 2004)

Getting over the hump is the hard part, then after that, it‘s important to avoid think about it.  It‘s largely psychological, so if you get busy, and stay involved with the platoon activities, time will fly.  I was also very thankful to have many other married / common-law people in the same spot as me to relate to.

I‘ve been separated from my wife for 9 months now (next month will make 10), and I‘ve seen her twice during that time.  However, talking to her every night on the phone, even for a minute, really helps keep things together, so don‘t let the pain of hearing her voice keep you from calling.


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## Bert (24 May 2004)

Exactly.  I don‘t know if Shilo has phone cards or
phones with that capability, but get some phone cards.  Keep talking to yer girl and focus on
completing the course.  Don‘t worry or think about the "hump" until you get to that stage if you ever do.  Remember its a team, a platoon, and the platoon has to finish BMQ.


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## Pte. Bloggins (24 May 2004)

Yes, Shilo does. Bell is now many dollars richer thanks to the amount of money I spent on those phones


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## girlfiredup (24 May 2004)

Can you not bring a cell phone?


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## D-n-A (24 May 2004)

Personal items like a cellphone may be taken and locked up(you may get it back when you off free time on a weekend, or at the end of the course(for sure), or you could be allowed to keep it with your other personal stuff.


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## Bert (24 May 2004)

Depends, at St-Jean a member of my platoon brought a cell-phone and used it in off periods in the evening.  Everyone wanted to borrow it though. hehe.  Just keep it in your civilian stuff.  I don‘t know how picky they are at reserve BMQs.


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## Wade (24 May 2004)

Great tips guys thanks again.  My focus should be on the task and day at hand, I shouldn‘t worry about or "obsess" about getting over the 2 week hump or even finishing, it will come and go and I will be proud to graduate...Thanks again


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## girlfiredup (24 May 2004)

Well I‘m bringing my cell phone.  If they lock it up, that‘s cool but I have a plan where I can talk anywhere in Canada at anytime so I don‘t plan on using calling cards.  I‘m sure they‘ll let me use it to contact family.


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## Jarnhamar (24 May 2004)

As cold as it may sound, maybe  part of basic training might just be to condition a soldier in being away from their family and loved ones for an extended period of time.  You have to get used to being away and out of touch for a week-end, 2 weeks or a summer so that when your away from them with no way to contact them you‘ll still be able to function.

The more you call home and obsess about it the harder it gets for ya.
Just my 2 cents

And on a side note this is the worst signature, ever.
"Join the army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them. 
Proud to be CANADIAN."


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## Pte. Bloggins (25 May 2004)

FINE, i changed it. I don‘t know what was wrong with it though...people on here have far stranger ones....ah well


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## atticus (25 May 2004)

I agree with you ghost, when I was on my BMQ I made the mistake of calling home or emailing home as much as I could and all it did was make matters worse. For me though, during the day (from 0530 to after dinner time) was too busy to even think about home and when it was time to settle down a bit, and do cleaning or any homework they gave you that was when I would start thinking about home because I was less busy. I suggest always to be doing something. If you‘ve cleaned something clean it again or go help somebody who is behind a bit. Polishing your boots lots and lots always helps too. Not only does it look good but it helps keeps your mind off things back home and having extra shiny boots doesn‘t hurt.


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## stukirkpatrick (25 May 2004)

On my 2 months away last summer (first time away that long on my own), I called home whenever I had the chance, but I too felt that even if it provided support, it made me miss it more.  It helped though, that my home‘s time zone was 2 hours ahead of where I was, so if I had free time in the late evening, it was too late to call anyway.  

But once you are away long enough, you can push your homesickness out of mind, and keep going perpetually as long as needed.


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## Tebo (25 May 2004)

Many good points to which I will add three things:

Your loved ones at home are left with an incredible amount of spare time due to your departure.  The soon-to-be soldier, on the other hand, finds her or his free time reduced to practically nothing.  It is important to discuss this before hand.  Otherwise, the soldier sees that two minute phone call right before lights out as a huge connection whereas the lonely person at home feels forgotten - worth only a token two minutes.

While phone time can be very restricted, the amount of time spent in strange places waiting for lecture can be huge.  Bring a note pad and pen to write a little journal to the people back home and mail it off when you get the chance.  Helps people ‘experiece‘ what you are doing and, hopefully, better relate to you when you return.

If you are super sauve, look into a local flower shop and set up an account so that you can just call them and have a big old boquet of flowers sent off with some timely note:  "Here‘s 12 roses for the number of seconds I had to talk with you last night..." or whatever.     

Good luck


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## Wade (25 May 2004)

This is some **** good advice...I guess you can get so pre-occupied with yourself that you forget that your loved ones have to endure your absence as well....I like the journal thing, and talking about it before leaving is sound advice.  Thanks guys.  I hope these posts help others as well, some people might feel embarrassed to say they feel homesick, it is good to know that mostly everyone feels the same way.


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## NMPeters (26 May 2004)

I always found that when I was away on course, all I wanted to do when I was there was to go home. The minute I got home, all I wanted to do is be back on course with my friends because I missed the camaraderie and esprit de corps that we had throughout the time together.


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## BF Hawkeye Pierce (26 May 2004)

Well this is just me, but when I travel and get home sick I try not to think of good times cause that makes me miss home even more so I think of the bad times and the things that tend to piss me off so I think that I don‘t miss it that much


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## Tracker (26 May 2004)

In my 20 years of Regular service I have completed 4 rotations overseas and have spent countless days away on ex.  Of the 15 years that I have been married, my says I have only been home for 8.  I find that the harder I try to stay focused on the mission or task the faster time flies.


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