# You know the army is getting into your brain when...



## chrisf (9 Feb 2004)

Anyone care to start a little list with me?

1. You unconsciously reach out with a lighter to burn strings off the clothing of your friends and relatives, and they scream.

2. While out shopping in the summer, you realise the pocket of your cargo shorts was undone, you quickly fix it and look about nervously.

3. You used to have nightmares about pickles, but the nightmares are becoming more and more about relish as of late.

4. You refer to your wife/girlfriend/signifigant other as niner domestic.


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## winchable (9 Feb 2004)

5.You think of the best ways to perform an attack on everyday things, such as your house or a hill.

6.You have pets...and demand that they fall in line...even the fish...especially the fish.

7.You are a moderator on this website (hehe)


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## Slim (9 Feb 2004)

8. Springing to attention whenever you hear "O‘Canada" regardless of the situation.

9.Never trust any male with hair past his ears.

10. Continuously look for good cam and concealment while performing everyday tasks.

11. Use radio voice proceedure while talking on a cell phone.


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## pegged (10 Feb 2004)

12. You wear an M1 Helmet when you play games based from WWII until the 90‘s, then you put on your Kevlar Helmet for modern day war games.


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## Disturbance (10 Feb 2004)

13. Your yelling out flanking commands and fire control orders when having a snowball fight.

14. The harder and more challenging your civilian job gets the bigger the smile on your face. And your civvie coworkers thinks its weird.


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## Lepine (10 Feb 2004)

14. You realize that driving is much better than walking, When you drive to work and you see people waiting for the bus in the cold...

- thank god i got my trucksac!!-


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## ArmyAl (10 Feb 2004)

15. teaching the dog to leopard crawl up to the objective, which is any cute furry animals that the wife likes.

16. throwing in soiled diapers to clear out the kids room

17. to me, razor wire is a better fence then home depot stuff

18. pink flimingo‘s are used as figure 11‘s

19. dressing up the kids as soliders every halloween

20. stuck in traffic and dreaming of having a tank or helicopter

21. watching people‘s face‘s when you use jargon and they don‘t have a clue what you just said but agree!

22. once you enter the woods, be it a walk with the wife, camping etc... your starting to switch into army mode


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## Ex-Dragoon (10 Feb 2004)

I did #22 for years refusing to take my wife camping. She finally "convinced" me last year to go .


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## Danny (10 Feb 2004)

#1 and #2 are the best! (and so true!)


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## spacelord (10 Feb 2004)

23. your solution to almost every problem is violence, speed, agression


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## Pikache (10 Feb 2004)

24. You say ‘say again‘ never ‘repeat‘ when asking someone to say something again.
25. You use hand signals and you and your army mates can take out entire buildings during paintball games.
26. You don‘t people who can‘t meet timing.


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## sinblox (10 Feb 2004)

27. You refer to your pets as troops. "Come on in, troop"


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## chrisf (10 Feb 2004)

28. [This one mostly applies to those of us who are student-reservists] You desperately fight the urge to subtley jab the guy asleep next to you in class.


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## combat_medic (10 Feb 2004)

28. You order pizza and ask for "one times pepperoni, two times coke, and one times hawaiian."
29. You‘re unable to lean against a wall, ever, and feel the need to correct civvies who do.
30. It feels awkward to carry anything in your right hand if your left is empty. 
31. You end up walking in step with those around you, without even trying.
32. You try to redeem free beers for all the buttons you spot that are undone.


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## mattoigta (10 Feb 2004)

33.[another one for students] You say Sir or Maam after every sentence while talking to your profs
44. Unable to put hands in pockets, or if you like to , it feels like a priviledge


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## chrisf (10 Feb 2004)

45. You‘ve ever said "Pass the f*****g gravy please" in front of your 92 year old Grandmother at a family dinner, without blinking. [You know the *rest* of your family is in the army as well if she passes you the gravy, also without blinking.]

46. You‘ve ever looked through the phone book, just out of curiosity, to see if there was anyone named "Pete Bloggins".


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## Bulvyn (10 Feb 2004)

47.You chant "left! Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Left!," in your head when walking in public.

48. You constantly tell your two kids they need to work as a unit.

49. After hearing your kid has played with your kit you notice he is wearing the helmet wrong and demand pushups.


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## fusilier955 (10 Feb 2004)

50. Laugh and shake your head when you see people complain how cold the -2 degree weather is after doing a winter exercise the weekend before with the tempeture of -30 with windchill.

51. Enjoying the priceless look on their face when you tell them that you slept outside in the -30 with windchill tempetures the weekend before.


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## Franko (10 Feb 2004)

50. When driving through the coutryside you constantly think of the 5 Crew Comanders must knows:
   1. Where am I
   2. Where is my next position
   3. Likely enemy positions
   4. Obstacles en-route
   5. If the panzer comes under fire I will....

51. When in grid lock in downtown Ottawa, you start murmuring crew firing drills.

Regards


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## ArmyAl (10 Feb 2004)

52. field strip any weapon that the army throws at you, but replace the shopvac bag, your scratching your head.

53. slap on a 100 pound ruck, march 25k at night in swamp water, assault something, but only if you could put that much effort going to the inlaws.

54. civi war stories and army war stories can‘t compare.


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## Superman (10 Feb 2004)

55. You wake up at 05:00 and have morning PT.


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## Franko (10 Feb 2004)

56. You wake up at 0630 and panic because you think you‘re late for PT...then realise it‘s Saturday.


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## chrisf (10 Feb 2004)

57. You can make complete scentences using nothing but acronyms.


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## slans (10 Feb 2004)

58. Refer to all your other clothing other than Combats as Civi Clothes.

59. Start thinking that 5 clicks isn‘t that far.


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## Franko (10 Feb 2004)

60. You start replacing months with taskings IE: as soon as this tasking is done I‘m on block leave.


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## patt (10 Feb 2004)

61. Think about the military 24/7


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## JasonH (10 Feb 2004)

> Originally posted by patty:
> [qb] 61. Think about the military 24/7 [/qb]


   And I‘m not even in yet


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## stukirkpatrick (10 Feb 2004)

62.  To be clear, you use the phonetic alphabet for those especially important things to say.


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## Pte. Bloggins (10 Feb 2004)

63. you manage to polish off a meal that would take anyone else 45 minutes to eat in 30 seconds. You find this perfectly normal.
64. when someone (in the civvy world) calls you ‘sir‘ or ‘ma‘am‘ (out of politeness,) you reply ‘don‘t call me sir/ma‘am, I work for a living!
65. when you hear anyone call ANYONE ‘sir‘ or ‘ma‘am,‘ you jump 10 feet in the air and look around in fear. 
66. your bed has hospital corners.
67. lacking a rifle, you carry a 1-m long, 3.34 kg. stick around with you everywhere, including the john. You make sure to shine and polish your stick to perfection daily.
68. you refuse to turn on the light after dark to be ‘tactical.‘
69. you dry the sink/drinking fountain after every use.
70. when entering a room, you automatically look for places where dust might be hiding.


lol this is great keep ‘em comin‘!


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## Franko (10 Feb 2004)

71. Meeting someone for the first time you look at the length of their hair.
72. You no longer look at the ground when walking (hunting mode)
73. You walk at a pace that nearly kills anyone walking with you.


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## Slim (10 Feb 2004)

74. Diving into a ditch at the side of the road when the local bus comes up behind you as it has the same engine as an AVGP.

75. Never, ever, EVER walk on the grass.

76. refer to consuming food and beverage as " putting it downrange."


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## big_castor (10 Feb 2004)

77.  You make your neighbour sign a DND 638 when he borrows the lawn-mower.


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## Franko (10 Feb 2004)

78. Refering to empty beer bottles as "Dead Soldiers" and forming them into full squadrons...complete with 3 troops and an assault troop, adm troop, SHQ etc.


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## big_castor (10 Feb 2004)

79.  You stop private school students on the street and tell them to tuck in their shirts, straifghten their ties and shine their shoes.


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## nbk (10 Feb 2004)

80. You skip from number 33 to 44 in this list and screw up the enite order of the numbering without anyone noticing.    :warstory:


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## mattoigta (10 Feb 2004)

hahaha


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## fusilier955 (10 Feb 2004)

81. You also repeat numbers 50. and 51.


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## Slim (10 Feb 2004)

82. When going out of Friday night you ask your buddies if they have 404‘s to see who will drive.

83. When eating fruit, pulling the stem off and yelling "grenade"

84. When someone is angry and brings you a problem they are dealing with you tell them," Stop whining and soldier on!".


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## Danny (10 Feb 2004)

And 2 14‘s!


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## Danny (10 Feb 2004)

And 2 14‘s!


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## Danny (10 Feb 2004)

(I hate when it posts twice like that!)


85. When writing down the date you write it: 
    10 Jan 04.


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## GGHG_Cadet (10 Feb 2004)

86. When you hear fireworks you shout take cover and hide in the nearest ditch.


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## LilMissChicky (10 Feb 2004)

87. You get that huge grin on your face when you think of Basic.
(PT, Inspections, Classes, trashed sleeping quarters, rolling in dirt, sleeping in freezing weather, etc...) 
And your civvy co-workers thinks you a numbnut to wish that sort of treatment


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## tree hugger (10 Feb 2004)

88. you reach for your C7 in your sleep
89. you keep the lid of your deoderant clear of ‘white crud‘


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## Foxhound (10 Feb 2004)

90.  You think you might be starting to like pipe music.


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## spacelord (10 Feb 2004)

90.  you don‘t bother with fireworks any more because you realize they are just watered-down versions of paraflares, arty sims, and thunder flashes, that civis use a a few times a year.


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## Evan (10 Feb 2004)

90. "You think you might be starting to like pipe music"

What, u mean i wasnt supposed to like it from the beginnig


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## Foxhound (10 Feb 2004)

92?  You refuse to let your "significant other" iron ANYTHING of yours.


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## Korus (10 Feb 2004)

93. You do the ‘air rifle‘
94. You refuse to take an elevator, and always run up and down the stairs. You then call the people in the elevator ‘weak‘.
95. (For students) You have a backpack on your back everywhere you go, with both straps even and tightened up as tight as they‘ll go. You then shake your head at people who have their backpacks on sloppy.
96. You say ‘Fife‘ and ‘Tree‘ to civvies instead of ‘Five‘ and ‘Three‘
97. Your friends start to tell you the time in 24hr format
98. You‘re always at least 5 minutes early.


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## Pikache (10 Feb 2004)

> Originally posted by Foxhound:
> [qb] 90.  You think you might be starting to like pipe music. [/qb]


Amen to that.


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## Foxhound (10 Feb 2004)

99.  War movies aren‘t any good anymore because they‘re "too Hollywood."  i.e.: explosions don‘t look like that, guns don‘t sound like that, and helicopters can‘t DO that.


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## CF_MacAulay (10 Feb 2004)

100. You cover all your civvie items (duffle bag,coach etc..) in the closest CADPAT material you can


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## Pte. Bloggins (10 Feb 2004)

101. Every single thing you own is labelled with your last name and last 3


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## CANSIGS (10 Feb 2004)

61.  You look at your house hunting trip as a recce for your next biv site.


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## winchable (10 Feb 2004)

103.You lose count at #101

104.You salute your boss at your civvy job just out of force of habit.

105....You have no civvy job


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## Yllw_Ninja (10 Feb 2004)

106. You use Acronyms to describe EVERYTHING!  Then act irretated when someone asks you to explain.


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## chrisf (10 Feb 2004)

We need more specific to the Canadian army...

107. Wearing articles of clothing labeled "Extreme Cold Weather" in order to go have a smoke is a normal daily occurance.


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## Foxhound (10 Feb 2004)

108.  I have to make sure I‘m not being insulted in an offhanded way if someone mentions the word "chicken" in my presence.

How‘s that for specific, Sig Op?


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## Foxhound (10 Feb 2004)

109.  You‘ve got a good war story involving a moose.


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## Foxhound (10 Feb 2004)

110.  You look outside at the rain and say longingly to your closest loved one, "Good patrolling weather."  (****!  I should think of these all at once!)


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## Pikache (10 Feb 2004)

*Foxhound*, no need to post 3 one liners. Please keep everything in one post if you can.


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## Foxhound (10 Feb 2004)

Hence the comment:  "I should think of these all at once"


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## Pikache (10 Feb 2004)

Well, you can use the edit/delete post button.


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## L/MCpl_Argyll_ Kurrgan (10 Feb 2004)

111.  You‘ve been driving an LSVW so much that while in rush hour traffic in your POMV on the 401 you go to honk the horn at some plonker that has cut you off and you engage the windsheild whipers and spray the windsheild with washer fluid.


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## ArmyAl (11 Feb 2004)

112. kids make a fort/tree house, you build a trench system interlaced with razor wire, trip flares and other crafty stuff that would strike fear with neighbourhood kids.

113. you wear your helmet when you play video games

114. all video games are military related

115. you freak out and beat the moniter when a 12 year old punk smoked your butt online

116. all your favorites have more then 10 military sites

117. all non military types are refered to as Civvie

118. smoking and a timmie‘s while jogging is normal


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## Franko (11 Feb 2004)

119. You remember when this line was a charge reference back in the day (now 129, think about it)   

120. You are taking stock of things you‘ll need for taking out Santa up on the roof this X-Mas. ie: Claymores, Elsie mines, low wire entanglements, deer feed to lure him in....

121. You laugh at people in the Terry Fox run after they fall out at the 7km mark and yell at them "Your weak!"


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## Armymedic (11 Feb 2004)

122. You‘ll run 20 km for pt, or march 13 kms with a ruck on, but drive across the street for a case of beer....

123. You walk into a civie doctor‘s office with your spouse and wonder what‘s all the sick, lame, lazy doing there.

124. Before you get into your car you do a formal DI, following a checklist. 

125.When you get into your car and look for the "master switch".

126. You favorite pair of shoes are your cbt boots.

127. When your favorite sweater is an American Alpha liner under your plaid hunting jacket.

128. When you phone home to your wife with weekend plans, and your start off by saying, "Hi, Warning order, prepare to copy."


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## Franko (11 Feb 2004)

129. You know what this line number means. QR&O Vol 2......   

130. When somone trys to interupt a conversation you‘re having you say "wait out".


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## Bruce Monkhouse (11 Feb 2004)

For us older guys                                 131. Even though you lost your SIN card 26 years ago you still remember it as part of your name.


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## CANSIGS (11 Feb 2004)

132. You go camping with the family and have them dig trenches with arcs of fire


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## Franko (11 Feb 2004)

133. You continually update a thread about how you‘ve been in the Army too long and can‘t quite stop because there is WAY too many things that.....   

134. You walk up to some long hair hippie and stomp your foot saying "is that hurting you?" out of habit.


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## Phillman (11 Feb 2004)

135. You almost yell "ROOM" when your professor walks in the room at school.


136. You notice the snow in your front yard is perfect for building a snow defense.


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## stukirkpatrick (11 Feb 2004)

137.  You fill out an IMP feedback card for new types of ham steak (they‘re all so good!)


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## Gunnar (11 Feb 2004)

138.  You‘ve been out of the army for 6 weeks, but still wake up in a panic at 03:00 on a Sunday wondering if you missed the bug out.


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## leopard11 (11 Feb 2004)

138:   You own more army clothing than civi street clothing
139:  The civi cloathing you do own, as closely resembles issued clothing as possible (ie: all green/tan cargo pants)
140: your sears/zellers catologue has been replaced by a Canadian Peacekeeper or dropzone tactical catologue
141: you have a 2‘ X 4‘ army poster hanging up in your room (or in my case... 3 of them)
142: you have an entire room in youre house dedicated to the army and your gear.
143: you actually look forward to waking up at 0500 to go to work


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## GGHG_Cadet (11 Feb 2004)

144.You look into your closet to find a sea of green.


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## kurokaze (11 Feb 2004)

145. Waking up at 0630 is oversleeping.
146. Waking up at 0800 is sleeping in


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## Sh0rtbUs (11 Feb 2004)

"143: you actually look forward to waking up at 0500 to go to work"

One of my favourites


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## Spr.Earl (11 Feb 2004)

143- When you see a bunch of Punk Rocker‘s who have all these peircing‘s as if they have been caught,tagged and let go and you think
"A Few Month‘s in the Reg. will sort that lot out"


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## Da_man (11 Feb 2004)

148- when the walls in your house are painted in CADPAT


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## Korus (11 Feb 2004)

The walls of the SAT Range in my armouries are painted CADPAT.. It‘s pretty trippy.


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## Pte. Bloggins (11 Feb 2004)

149. When running errands such as buying milk or other groceries, you think if you‘re in need of other essentials such as boot polish.


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## Marauder (12 Feb 2004)

150. "Never Pass A Fault" becomes a recurring theme in your nightmares.
151. You actually start to twitch at the effort it takes to restrain yourself from turning around and smacking the hippie twerp behind you who insists on talking the entire time the prof is lecturing.
152. You know the best way to make an RCR insane with rage is to ask him "Holy crap, when was the last time you polished your poultry warning device?"   :evil:    :evil:


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## kaspacanada (13 Feb 2004)

For those younger troops that are fresh out of training courses and do something that gets them in trouble at home:

153. You start to come to attention when you hear someone yelling at you (usually a parent, but could be a teacher as it was once in my case)

I had seen a professor about an paper a few days before it was due, and he had read it and told me that it was a good paper but to make a few changes.  I had been up all night working on the changes the night before and came to class early the next day, filled out a teacher evaluation form, and realized I had forgotten my reference page.  I returned to my room, picked it up and then went back to class.  When I arrived a few minutes late, the teacher jokingly said "Oh, this one‘s fresh off the printing press coming in late like this..hehehe" 

I jokingly responded, "Acutally, it‘s time for me to go to bed now"
I turned smiled and turned around to go to my seat but the prof started screaming at me in front of the entire class.  

"That‘s the most disrespectful, irresponsible thing I have ever seen a student do in my eNTIRE LIFE!!!!!" (his tone raising to a scream by the end of the sentence as his face turned bright red, partially due to anger and partially due to an alcohol problem) He then continued "I WANNA SEE YOU AFTER CLASS!!!!  YOU BETTER BE BACK HERE AFTER CLASS"

At that point, I had found myself coming to attention, and was far too embarrassed to try and explain to him that it was a joke so I left and returned after class to sort it out.


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## mcshen (15 Feb 2004)

61. you talk to a stranger at a position of attention.


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## Franko (15 Feb 2004)

153. You loose track of the count /\


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## nex (15 Feb 2004)

154:  Your favourite quote to your roommate bitching about something is "Aweee Muffin"

155: When your coworkers come back late from their breaks you look at them and say "meet your ******* timings already!"

156: When at a wedding you check out who polished their shoes/boots or not and shake your head.

157: There are more Canadian Flags in your computer room than there are computers.


BTW, that checking of the buttons thing is brutal.  Non-stop checking and it really irritates my poor girlfriend


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## ps387 (9 Mar 2005)

158. The most effective way to wake your spouse/get their attention is hollering their last name.


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## qor556 (9 Mar 2005)

159. You get this strange feeling that you should be carrying something and instinctively and anxiously look back where you were previously to see if you left your C7 there.


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## infamous_p (9 Mar 2005)

160. you spend your time reading ALL 6 pages of this...


LOL


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## Fraser.g (9 Mar 2005)

Disturbance said:
			
		

> 14. The harder and more challenging your civilian job gets the bigger the smile on your face. And your civvie coworkers thinks its weird.


I'm an ER Nurse and my co-workers can not figure out why I whistle when every one else is loosing their minds.

I think of it a psy ops.

G


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## Gryphon (9 Mar 2005)

another one for those reservists who are still in school

161. You want to shout at your classmates to just follow orders without questioning them at every turn


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## PPCLI Guy (9 Mar 2005)

162.  The pockets of all of your civvie clothes are full of field stripped butts (my wife HATES that!)

Dave


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## Sh0rtbUs (9 Mar 2005)

163. You're told to stop saying 'correction' during a philosophy debate...


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## jasper (9 Mar 2005)

Field stripped butts, I thought I was the only one that did that. I do it still without even thinking. Amazing the little things that get done every day, and you don't think of them until they're pointed out. good post fun reading.....


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## Fishbone Jones (9 Mar 2005)

I like it when my coworkers make a point of something, and I reply with "Seen". They look at me quizzically and say "See what?" ;D. Yeah, and they also look at me strange when they see me field strip my butts, had one ask me if I do it so the panhandlers wouldn't get it


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## q_1966 (9 Mar 2005)

164. You see one of those wierd grunge people walking down the St. with every button on their surplus OD Combat Jacket undone and you immediatly start yelling at them saying stuff like "You dont deserve to wear that" and "Button those F-ing buttons up...do it now!"


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## ZipperHead (9 Mar 2005)

It's funny that I have to start think about thinking like a civvy in a few years, and dump all the army lingo, which I doubt will happen, but I should start think like one (a civvy, that is).

BTW Franko, it's 4 Steps for CC's Appreciation: (1. What is my next position? 2. Where is the enemy likely to be? 3. What is the best route (and any obstacles) 4. Action if fired upon). I do these while driving with the family, and look for good positions, especially on country roads. I guess that's offensive defensive driving.

Al


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## RossF (9 Mar 2005)

This thread is A+++


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## Freddy Chef (9 Mar 2005)

165. When you use *Demonstrate, Explain, Imitate* to show the new guy how to use the deep fryer at work.

166. When *â ?Field strip, Clean, Assemble, and Function Check SOP'sâ ?* can be applied to a coffee maker.

167. When you advertise a campus pub night by saying *â ?Support your Mess!â ?*

168. When people who show up late for class are referred to as *â ?Idle, Dog-F*ckersâ ?*

169. When you use *â ?End-Exâ ?* to describe your last exam.


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## Ralph Wigum (9 Mar 2005)

170. For thoughts of you still in high school and in the reserves.....thinking about telling others who are blocking the hall to make a hole as to pass threw.

171. Thinking that many of your fellow peers are slack and idol because they do not move at an uber march(fast walk) while moving between classes.

172. Wanting to tell fellow students to stand up straight and still and shut the f*** up while the nation anthem is playing......I really wanna tell that sometimes to the disrespectful individuals whom always move and talk while the national anthem is playing. 

173. Visiting this site a few times a day.

174. Having a specific section in your "Favourites" on your web browser labled "Army".

175. Looking forward to going on course.(Don't Ask)


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## patt (9 Mar 2005)

Ralph Wigum said:
			
		

> 170. For thoughts of you still in high school and in the reserves.....thinking about telling others who are blocking the hall to make a hole as to pass threw.
> 
> 171. Thinking that many of your fellow peers are slack and idol because they do not move at an uber march(fast walk) while moving between classes.
> 
> ...



almost got into a couple fights for numbers #171 and #172


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## mainerjohnthomas (9 Mar 2005)

35.   Cannot, for any reason, even if you want to, wear a hat in anyplace you eat or drink (no hats in the mess!).
36.   Hang all clothes in closet properly aligned, and all socks smiling.
37.   Glare at passers by, or even bosses with railroad tracks where their creases should be.
38.   When asked to do face painting for haloween, send 5yr old daughter out in favorite night patrol cammo pattern.
39.   Put your condoms on to the timing 1,2,3-1.


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## Korus (9 Mar 2005)

176. You're so anxious to add on to the list that you do it after reading only the first of 6 pages, thus messing up the numbering
177. You check this thread every couple of hours hoping for more updates.


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## Da_man (9 Mar 2005)

178 - you put NS tags on broken items in you house.


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## QORvanweert (9 Mar 2005)

179 - You hear drill being called as you go to ground.
180 - You can walk in step with anyone, anywhere; including an upside down and backwards image of the hotdog vendor in a far mirror.
190 - You stop responding to your first name.
191 - Call your gf by her last name.


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## Fishbone Jones (10 Mar 2005)

You decide to spend a rainy day in the house and end up polishing every pair of shoes you can find, including the wife's and kid's.


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## Lost_Warrior (10 Mar 2005)

You refer to your family car as an LUVW


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## Korus (10 Mar 2005)

185 - You paint your POMV flat green, then tell your kids they now need a conversion course to drive it.



*185 to adjust for whatever QORvanweert was smoking, and the 2 missed numbers


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## RossF (10 Mar 2005)

186(?). *You refer to your wife/significant other as "Number 2"*


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## armyrules (10 Mar 2005)

Oh my god these are so funny I'm going to have to think of a few to share


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## stukirkpatrick (10 Mar 2005)

You are compelled to perform safety precautions on a stapler   



*after fixing said stapler, you perform a function test on it.


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## RossF (10 Mar 2005)

187. You start carrying a sleeping bag to school?


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## Horse_Soldier (10 Mar 2005)

188 - You don't hold staff meetings at your civilian work, you hold O Groups
189 - You show up 10 minutes early at civvie job staff meetings "to take the trace"


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## Poppa (10 Mar 2005)

190- Thinking nothing of making sure you're wearing socks before eating...even when wearing sandles


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## goodform (10 Mar 2005)

191 - you ask friends and family for their sitrep or locstat
192 - all conversation is ended by a "roger, out"
193 - you meet someone from across the country because you're whistling pipe tunes (happened to me, stopped a guy from NS dead in his tracks)


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## Lost_Warrior (10 Mar 2005)

When the electric saw stops working and you yell out "I-A"


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## Cliffy433 (10 Mar 2005)

195.  In addition to safety precautions on staplers, when they jam, you yell, "Stoppage!", upon discovering two or more staples twisted about each other, you whip out your Gerber, smile at your nearest office co-worker and explain - "Damn!  Multiple feed!  Never forget your kit has been furnished at great expense to the taxpayer by the lowest bidder!"

196.  (Actually happened)  You're so frustrated by your girlfriend's scuffed, worn, sh*tty boots, you go buy the parts, assemble a boot kit for her and instruct her, and her roommates in proper boot maintenance.

197.  a) You honk your horn twice before backing out of your driveway, using 9er domestic as a ground-guide.
b) You jack up 9er domestic for improper use, and ignorance of NATO standard ground-guiding hand signals, explaining that as the driver, you're still responsible for the safe operation of the vehicle.
c) You spend night on couch, explaining to friends that 9er domestic jacked you up, for attempting to jack-up a Senior Rank.

198.  You read 197 as "Para Alpha", "Para Bravo", and "Para Charlie"


----------



## q_1966 (10 Mar 2005)

199. You go out and buy one of these http://countycomm.com/COMFORTER.htm


----------



## Danjanou (10 Mar 2005)

I just did 197 a) & b) with the rent a car on our vacation. 

Gonna have to teach here those hand sigs one more time. :

Hey does this count as 197c)? ???


----------



## armyrules (10 Mar 2005)

200. When you go to McDonalds and they as k you if you want fries with that you sound off YESS SIR


----------



## Baloo (10 Mar 2005)

201. When they ask if you want fries with that, you decline to respond, for fear of extra duties. 

202. You tell your mother to get a grip on her kit when she misplaces her car keys.


----------



## Pte. Bloggins (10 Mar 2005)

tlm said:
			
		

> 197.   a) You honk your horn twice before backing out of your driveway, using 9er domestic as a ground-guide.



I've actually done or been tempted to do that several times.

*break for story*

I was going for my G road test, and decided to do a few refresher courses with Young Drivers. (Don't parallel park LS's very often, hence I'd forgotten how to do it.) Anyway, the driver instructor proceeds to "jack me up" for keeping my thumbs outside of the steering wheel as I'd gotten in the habit of doing since my drivers' course. I proceeded to explain that I purposely kept my thumbs outside the steering wheel so they wouldn't come off if we went off-roading and hit a bump or something, and I think the guy was a little shocked, I'm sure he'd never heard that explanation before. Especially coming from a girl who looks like she's 15.  ;D


----------



## MattD (11 Mar 2005)

lol some of those are pretty funny good stuff keep them coming guys


----------



## armyrules (11 Mar 2005)

You pack enough stuff to go live in the woods at the back of your house for a week.


----------



## JBP (11 Mar 2005)

Lol...

When you can run full out, with a big heavy backpack on, and coffee in hand (Large French vanilla!) to the bus stop when your late, MAKE it in time, still with 1/2 the coffee IN the cup! Victory is sooo sweeet!

And coffee of any kind never seemed more important to me than on BMQ!!!

Also, when your signifigant other can say in your Section Sgt's tone: GET UP GET UP GET UP! At 7AM and you FLY out of bed like a rat who just at an 8 ball of crack!...

Then realize you, are not, at the armouries on BMQ at this point time.... 

PS> Don't tell your girlfriend or friends how you get woken up in the morning, they'll play mean tricks after a weekend they know you've just come back from (Reserve BMQ)...

Joe


----------



## Pte. Bloggins (11 Mar 2005)

When late for a class, you're tempted to come to attention at the door and ask for permission to enter, and are surprised when people just wander into class without doing so.


----------



## Big Foot (11 Mar 2005)

When you're travelling in uniform, you almost salute airline pilots, until you realize they're not military.


----------



## mainerjohnthomas (11 Mar 2005)

You know the army has gotten to you when you burst out laughing in an action movie, when the hero escapes thousands of rounds of small caliber SMG fire by ducking around the corner of a small steel or concrete tunnel (honestly, do civilians think ricochet is brand of cigarette?).
     When you've carried a lighter in your pocket for the last fifteen years, and you haven't smoked in ten (thread defence).


----------



## Sh0rtbUs (11 Mar 2005)

mainerjohnthomas said:
			
		

> You know the army has gotten to you when you burst out laughing in an action movie, when the hero escapes thousands of rounds of small caliber SMG fire by ducking around the corner of a small steel or concrete tunnel (honestly, do civilians think ricochet is brand of cigarette?).
> When you've carried a lighter in your pocket for the last fifteen years, and you haven't smoked in ten (thread defence).



always...only I smoke  ;D :


----------



## Lim0 (12 Mar 2005)

When you drive to a Cheveron gas station and say yes Corporal


----------



## goodform (13 Mar 2005)

211 - all persons can be addressed as either sir, ma'am, lad, lass or mate


----------



## Island Ryhno (14 Mar 2005)

212. Constantly reminding domestics to get their shit wired tight or it's going to be a world of hurt.

213. You have two of each of the following, one for inspection, one for use..Razor, toothpaste, toothbrush, shaving cream, soapdish and soap.

214. Running the hockey practice with phrases such as "I want to see nothing but elbows and assholes going"

215. Requiring permission to do a task after being told to do a task in fear of pushups.


----------



## badpup (14 Mar 2005)

Big Foot said:
			
		

> When you're travelling in uniform, you almost salute airline pilots, until you realize they're not military.



Don't count on it, many were likely trained by the CF, and decided there was gold in them thar skies!


*When you give pushups for the insta shine on your spouses shoes.


----------



## q_1966 (14 Mar 2005)

216. You set Army.ca as your homepage


----------



## Cliffy433 (14 Mar 2005)

217.  The background image on your home computer is a rotating selection from the Toronto Sun Swimsuit Edition, Winter 2004 - the "Salute to the CF" series... (google it - in keeping with the code of conduct, I'm hesitant to post a link)


----------



## combat_medic (15 Mar 2005)

*Googles* ...is that a 48th highlander cap badge?


----------



## Fruss (16 Mar 2005)

tlm said:
			
		

> 217.   The background image on your home computer is a rotating selection from the Toronto Sun Swimsuit Edition, Winter 2004 - the "Salute to the CF" series... (google it - in keeping with the code of conduct, I'm hesitant to post a link)



I searched Salute to the CF in google..  couldn't find anything..  can you give some hints??  :

Frank


----------



## RossF (16 Mar 2005)

Or just PM him the link?


----------



## scm77 (16 Mar 2005)

I found it.

But I also won't post it because of the conduct guidelines. 

Frank the Tank check your PM


----------



## Sgt.Fitzpatrick (16 Mar 2005)

218. You rank your friends.
219. You say your Mom and Dad are your CO's. :-\


----------



## Jonny Boy (16 Mar 2005)

1. you go to army.ca to ask for help with computer problems


----------



## Cliffy433 (17 Mar 2005)

OK - I've got a few PMs about the "Salute to the CF" the TO Sun did - when I'm back home in Stoon, and back on high-speed (dialling in at 24K right now) - I'll link it on my Interweb Thingy.   

Edit: Linked.  Enjoy.


----------



## Gryphon (17 Mar 2005)

220. Your 9er Domestic visits this site with you


----------



## Lexi (17 Mar 2005)

221. The magic word is no longer "please," but has morphed into "NOW!"


----------



## mainerjohnthomas (17 Mar 2005)

222 You direct your three school and preschool daughters to get ready by demanding they get their "Rucks kitted out and staged by the door by 0800, departure at 0801, if you're late, you're walkin!"  Sad part is, it works tons better than 9er domestic's routine  ;D


----------



## CADPAT SOLDIER (19 Mar 2005)

I don't know about the big deal to do with the site "salute to the CF" I mean a few of the images are found in the "for the boys"section of images and the others are "at par" with the images found on the site, but I won't post it, its for directing staff to decide


----------



## Slim (19 Mar 2005)

223. You begin torefer to your children as "sub-callsigns" and eating food has become "getting it downrange."


----------



## infamous_p (19 Mar 2005)

224. for those of you still in school, you violently resist the urge to salute your principal as he walks by


----------



## nawk (19 Mar 2005)

225.  Everytime you get up and move somewhere you do a quick kit check.

226.  When I teach kids a sports skill i.e. basketball jump shot.  
The main teaching points are...I will now demonstrate this from another angle...


----------



## armyrules (21 Mar 2005)

227. The only books that are on your shelf are training manuals and Army novels fiction/non-fiction.


----------



## leeb127 (21 Mar 2005)

228. When you get shampoo in your eye,stap a nail through your foot or burn your hand you say to yourself "tough it out...its just pain"
229. You constantly find yourself on ebay trying to find any items associated with the army.
LOL I do both of these(besides getting stabbed in foot as of yet)lol


----------



## TCBF (21 Mar 2005)

62.  To keep things tidy, you go back and use numbers other people have missed.

63.  On the Autoroutes, you practice range estimation every time the horizon changes.

Tom


----------



## Baloo (21 Mar 2005)

You couldn't find two closer situations involving pain than...shampoo in the eye and stepping on nails?  ;D


----------



## TCBF (22 Mar 2005)

64.  You start picking up ALL of the cartridge cases on civie shooting club ranges.

65.  You never take a chance on a Friday afternoon.

Tom


----------



## leeb127 (22 Mar 2005)

Baloo said:
			
		

> You couldn't find two closer situations involving pain than...shampoo in the eye and stepping on nails?   ;D


lol


----------



## TCBF (22 Mar 2005)

66.   You accidentally double-tap your posts to this site!   ;D

Tom


----------



## leeb127 (22 Mar 2005)

230. Constantly going to http://www.dnd.ca and viewing each and every video in the job library for every military occupation.


----------



## infamous_p (22 Mar 2005)

231. you max out your credit card on http://www.cpgear.com

232. and, you have this: http://www.wheelersonline.com/detail.asp?product_id=2096  in your bed at home


----------



## armyrules (23 Mar 2005)

233. You record someone yelling WAKE UP WAKE UP and use this as your alarm in the morning.

234. You memorize running jodies


----------



## bossi (24 Mar 2005)

235.  When you tuck some first aid stuff into a zip-loc baggie for your five-year-old son'd kindergarten backpack (the Batman one - not the CADPAT one you've got for other outings), and you include an olive drab triangle bandage.

236.  When you use an IPE bag for your five-year-old's skates and helmet ... and cinch up the straps so he can wear it (i.e. one man, one kit ...).


----------



## Haggis (25 Mar 2005)

237.  While out in the yard, you get the family's attention by bellowing "LISTEN UP!"

238.  Glare menacingly at any male who dares come by for your daughter.  Shake your head in disgust and walk away leaving him pondring your intentions and his life expectancy. (Hey, it works.... my future son-in -law still stands and says "sir" when I walk in the room.)

239.  Stretch out on the yard swing and tell the wife you're "going to rack out".

240. Tell your mountain-biking kid to "stay on the cleared routes". 

241.  When travelling to a new location, announce that you have "eyes-on" once you spot it.


----------



## aesop081 (25 Mar 2005)

242. When you are driving down the highway and you are constantly revising your ETA

243. You are on army.ca at 0215 hrs

244. you are watching "Russia's war" on History television at 0215 hrs

245. You have the CP-140 Aurora AOIs on you living room table, open at 0215 hrs

246. Your appartment is directly under the runway glideslope for the base


----------



## gun plumber (25 Mar 2005)

247.All the windows in your house have range cards posted by them.
248.You've ever considered digging a stage 5 trench in the back yard "just in case"
249.In long line-ups at Walmart or Tim's,you consider "taking a knee"


----------



## aesop081 (25 Mar 2005)

250. You have ranger blankets for window coverings ( as is the case in my house at the momnet)


----------



## infamous_p (26 Mar 2005)

251. after having a watergun fight with your 10 year old son, being called in for dinner by the wife, you unconsciously attempt to do a safety precaution on your XP-100 SuperSoaker before going in the house...


----------



## Long in the tooth (26 Mar 2005)

Oh, what the heck... you send a claim off to your superivsior for approval and say "rounds fired"!  yeah, yeah, clerk humour...


----------



## aesop081 (26 Mar 2005)

252. When everything on shelves in your house is covered-off left to right, front to rear


----------



## backinblack (26 Mar 2005)

253.  Fresh out of Basic Trg, getting ready for Xmas dinner at Mom's house by putting on DEU's, you announce to your mother that you can't get the "c**t out of your tie!" - lol


----------



## George Wallace (26 Mar 2005)

backinblack said:
			
		

> 253. Fresh out of Basic Trg, getting ready for Xmas dinner at Mom's house by putting on DEU's, you announce to your mother that you can't get the "c**t out of your tie!" - lol



which brings us to the old standard home for Christmas Dinner after Basic:

254.   "Pass the Fu**ing Butter!"


----------



## spenco (26 Mar 2005)

Er....how does backinblack have 0 posts?


----------



## Da_man (26 Mar 2005)

spenco said:
			
		

> Er....how does backinblack have 0 posts?



he has two http://forums.army.ca/forums/members/8972;sa=showPosts   :-\

That reminds me of the day i was playing Ghost Recon and my stats at the end of the mission looked like something this:

Shots fired: 367
Hits: 35
accuracy: 100%


----------



## Big Foot (26 Mar 2005)

The reason he has no posts is because both of his posts have been in the Radio Chatter forum, not in any of the other forums.


----------



## BDG.CalgHighrs (27 Mar 2005)

255 You find yourself telling civvies at your university to "f**king move with a sense of urgency".


----------



## mainerjohnthomas (27 Mar 2005)

256 You reply to your toddler "Say again all after Daddy"
257 You require 5year old to demonstrate IA/Stoppages procedure before issue of Supersoaker.


----------



## Island Ryhno (27 Mar 2005)

258. Everything you own is divided into Essential and Non Essential Kit


----------



## aesop081 (27 Mar 2005)

259.  You tell your kids to "ruck up" and get to school


----------



## bossi (27 Mar 2005)

260.  You use trip wires when you hide the Easter eggs ...


----------



## Forgotten_Hero (27 Mar 2005)

261. When people at school try to salute, you yell out "WTF are you doing!? Stand up strait! Arm parallel to the ground! Dont bend your ******* wrist!"
262. When people dont do something fast enough, you scream out "WAKE UP! As you were!" 
263. You issue drill commands when giving directions.


----------



## canadianblue (27 Mar 2005)

> 9.Never trust any male with hair past his ears.



Way ahead of you on that one


----------



## shaboing (28 Mar 2005)

Da_man said:
			
		

> he has two http://forums.army.ca/forums/members/8972;sa=showPosts   :-\
> 
> That reminds me of the day i was playing Ghost Recon and my stats at the end of the mission looked like something this:
> 
> ...


LOL gotta love that eh
i keep trying to burn string off people, haha, gotta love that. especially when you dont have a lighter on you and you have to ask for theirs   :

264. you can use the term "sort out" for pretty much every problem or job you have to do
265. when you mess up while talking to anyone you stop yourself, say correction and continue
266. you just have an msn convo with a fellow Pte. using military lingo about a recce of a pool hall, it goes in more depth but i dont feel like writing the whole thing, hahah


----------



## CH1 (28 Mar 2005)

Laughing too much, lost cadence & count. (back to BMT/BMQ)

You find Magic Pantry IMP's @ safeway & wonder why no chili & peaches.

Ask 9 domestic for the gut wrenches

At formal dinner party, you pass the bottle around

In resturant you ask for canteen cup

your second POMV is a deuce &1/2 ( it's true)


----------



## armyrules (29 Mar 2005)

267.When passing by a children's playground you treat the playsrtucture asan obstacle course and set a time limit to complete it.


----------



## Forgotten_Hero (29 Mar 2005)

268. When is asked to stand up and that person takes his/her time, you expect to hear screaming.


----------



## I_Drive_Planes (30 Mar 2005)

ShaBoing said:
			
		

> 265. when you mess up while talking to anyone you stop yourself, say correction and continue



A while back a Sgt. from the CFRC called and left a message on my voicemail, he did that.  Made me laugh because I do it often, but only on the radio.


----------



## shaboing (30 Mar 2005)

269. you piss in short bursts to be more accurate
270. you say "son of a bitch" to regulate your bursts


----------



## q_1966 (30 Mar 2005)

271. M*A*S*H and Truth Duty Valour (TDV) are your favourite T.V. Shows
272. You Stay up till midnight to watch M*A*S*H* every night its on


----------



## Cliffy433 (4 Apr 2005)

OK... never actually tried it, but someone said it this weekend, and it made me howl...

273. You use CLP as "personal lubricant"


----------



## BDG.CalgHighrs (4 Apr 2005)

tlm said:
			
		

> OK... never actually tried it, but someone said it this weekend, and it made me howl...
> 
> 273. You use CLP as "personal lubricant"



Sounds like good medical advice. You wouldn't want to get friction burns in the field. Although I suppose the a**-chapstick might be a better option. Tell you what, I'll do a comparison this summer and post detailed notes.


----------



## QORvanweert (5 Apr 2005)

Our course has debated the use of CLP as lubricant with great ferocity and we have come to the conclusion that. 
A) It would needto be constantly heated, which eliminates winter use.
B) You would need to take a shower afterwards or else you will get some really funky burn next time you take a piss.
C) It would draw the carbon out of your hands and surrounding clothing leaving you with a really nasty oil.
D) If you got caught, YOU would never ever ever live it down.
E) You might be charged with a self inflicted wound if you get something weird from wherever it has been.
F) It is carcinogenic. Your cock is not where you should experiment with something like that.


----------



## medic2ic (5 Apr 2005)

Knowing that it's a carcinogen makes it not a good idea to have near man land. I think I'll stick the the regulars. But hey, in a pinch...


----------



## Da_man (5 Apr 2005)

this thread is getting quite disturbing  :-X


----------



## qor556 (5 Apr 2005)

Yea, it was funny when i thought it was a joke. haha


----------



## chrisf (5 Apr 2005)

If CLP does to your hands what it does to my hands and many other people's hands, believe me... you wouldn't want it any where more sensitive then your hands...


----------



## medic2ic (5 Apr 2005)

to tell you the truth, I agree... and I continued the madness, OH MY GOSH!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP THE INSANITY!   :crybaby:


----------



## Cliffy433 (6 Apr 2005)

Ok, ok... I said I never tried the CLP thing, but please, for the love of God - don't try it... I never thought it was a good idea - I thought it was a funny *IDEA * 

274. You have a "war room" - usually a closet - where all your green stuff is.
275. In this closet you have a single barrack box filled with your old issue winter kit, 'cause though they are scratchy, those old flannel shirts are a god-send in winter.
276. You also have an entire duffel bag with:

a. Extra webbing and ruck straps.
b. Several assorted size balls of paracord, and guntape scraps.
c. Several partial packages of moist towelletes.
d. Personal wpns cleaning paraphernelia - CLP stained toothbrush, box of Q-tips, swabs, etc.
e. Bootlaces.
f. Cam-paint, sunscreen, bugjuice eating its way out of the bottle.

*** I know, the list goes on... but you all know what I'm talking about.  You also know you should turn in the old stuff, but you can't bear to see them send it off to the local army surplus dealer, and no soldier ever gives up paracord or guntape.


----------



## bossi (6 Apr 2005)

tlm said:
			
		

> 275. In this closet you have a single barrack box filled with your old issue winter kit, 'cause though they are scratchy, those old flannel shirts are a god-send in winter.



275.b.  Or, if you've been in long enough ...two barrack boxes ...


----------



## BDG.CalgHighrs (7 Apr 2005)

Just a Sig Op said:
			
		

> If CLP does to your hands what it does to my hands and many other people's hands, believe me... you wouldn't want it any where more sensitive then your hands...


Is it because I am in the infantry that you think I would be seriously dumb enough to try that?


----------



## aesop081 (7 Apr 2005)

277. When you refer to cleaning your house as " resetting the trace" or " cleaning stations"
278. When you ask you wife if the GDs (kids) have done the dishes yet


----------



## Pte. Bloggins (8 Apr 2005)

Pte. Gaisford said:
			
		

> Is it because I am in the infantry that you think I would be seriously dumb enough to try that?



Yes. That's exactly what he was thinking.  :


----------



## QORvanweert (8 Apr 2005)

Pte. Gaisford said:
			
		

> Is it because I am in the infantry that you think I would be seriously dumb enough to try that?


I find fire picket very very lonely especially when your buddy is off taking his turn sleeping..... muhahahahaha


----------



## SprCForr (10 Apr 2005)

279. You've taught the kids hand signals, and you/they use them in public.
280. As a joke when the kids were little you taught them saluting on the march. Fourteen years later you can still bark out the command and the kids still execute a good salute with a great cut.


----------



## bossi (10 Apr 2005)

280.b.  Your five-year-old asks you to teach him how to salute ... (true story)


----------



## Kat Stevens (10 Apr 2005)

281- your 13 year old refers to her classmates as "greasy civies"

CHIMO,  Kat


----------



## career_radio-checker (10 Apr 2005)

282. You have no reservations in using the full extent of your 'drill voice' to scream out "STOP THE BUS!" to the poor bus driver who innocently closed the doors and accelerated before you could step off at your stop. Nedless to say you're in uniform and scared the heck out of the other 86 passengers who would have otherwise patiently waited for the next stop had they been in your shoes. (note: in Ottawa the bus stops are only a couple hundred meters apart.)


----------



## Chewy (25 Apr 2005)

You've read all 14 pages of this and you aren't even a member of the military *YET!*


----------



## shaboing (25 Apr 2005)

284.  You've read all 14 pages and still didn't catch on to the numbering system  ;D ;D : :  haha had to


----------



## SprCForr (25 Apr 2005)

285. It's not gossip. It's int.


----------



## q_1966 (26 Apr 2005)

285. (The first 285 didnt really count)  Your kitten plays with a ball of paracord instead of yarn


----------



## George Wallace (27 Apr 2005)

Skip all the rest........Go straight to 2005......

2005.  The Jump Master Dance is your Screen Saver.


----------



## davidk (27 Apr 2005)

286/2006 (depending on how you want to number it) You refer to your teachers/profs as the course staff, and face directly forward at attention when they address you.

287/2007 You have a massive headache from spending hours contemplating the fact that while you call your profs "sir" you don't need to salute them.

287/2007b You get jacked up in class by a fellow student who happens to outrank you for saluting the prof anyway.

287/2007c You get jacked up by the prof for saluting.

288/2008 You no longer own any shoes except your oxford CF shoes and a pair of running shoes for 0500 PT.

289/2009 You instinctively call "Beer!" whenever someone walks into a bar with a hat on.

290/2010 You take drill paces forward when the line advances at McDonalds.

291/2011 You can't get used to the idea of being able to choose your own food at restaurants instead of it simply being luck of the draw.

292/2012 You feel the urge to tell old ladies on the bus to mold their berets properly, and make sure there's no hair or lint stuck to them.


----------



## FreeFloat (27 Apr 2005)

293. You order friends to "Double time it!" when you want them to hurry

294. You cannot, for the life of you, wear a civy tie with a dimple in it, nor can you fold one into it when tying the tie

295. You unconsciously count paces while walking in the mall or on the street, and reach for the pace beads to increment your count

296. When meeting with supervisors/authority figures you ALWAYS straighten up

297. You refer to duct tape as "silver gun tape"

298.  You don't understand why the patrons of local bars don't automatically buy you a round on your birthday


----------



## shaboing (28 Apr 2005)

299. you feel weird at your civy job cause your not in cadpat, running around everywhere you go or being yelled at


----------



## nomij (9 Jun 2011)

Hey everyone!  I'm just working on some gift ideas for friends and family this Christmas, and need some help getting the perfect list!  Not being in the army myself, I was hoping for some insight.  Online, all I can find are US army lists... but I think we need a good Canadian Army list.  I found a few and Canadian-ized them.  Let me know if they aren't quite right, and if there are any other suggestions, it would be interesting, and appreciated!!
Thanks again!

You might be in the Canadian Army if...

your kids weekend pass status is determined by their pt scores
your wife’s favorite lipstick colors are Olive Drab and Brown 
your nicest set of clothes are your DEUs
you have more sets of Combats than civilian clothes
you look forward to getting your clothing allowance each year so you can actually shop a little
you own more pairs of combat boots than all of your shoes combined
you spend your spare time polishing your boots
you tell little kids playing hide-and-seek that it would work better in CADPATs  and Ghillie suit 
You spend half of your day waiting for either orders or supplies
You understand the phrase "hurry up and wait" more now than at any other time in your life
You use acronyms in a social setting.
You compulsively walk in step with your companions
You look at an approaching individual's collar or cap before you even glance at their face
Your boss says things like,"You will be there and have fun. That's an order." 
You spend half of your time feeling superior to civilians and the other half wishing you were one of them


----------



## daftandbarmy (9 Jun 2011)

nomij said:
			
		

> Hey everyone!  I'm just working on some gift ideas for friends and family this Christmas, and need some help getting the perfect list!  Not being in the army myself, I was hoping for some insight.  Online, all I can find are US army lists... but I think we need a good Canadian Army list.  I found a few and Canadian-ized them.  Let me know if they aren't quite right, and if there are any other suggestions, it would be interesting, and appreciated!!
> Thanks again!
> 
> You might be in the Canadian Army if...
> ...



You might be in the Canadian Army if...

You constantly plagiarize jokes from the US military and try and convert them into jokes about the Canadian Army  ;D


----------



## Fishbone Jones (9 Jun 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> You might be in the Canadian Army if...
> 
> You constantly plagiarize jokes from the US military and try and convert them into jokes about the Canadian Army  ;D



..........and while the intent is meant to be humorous, _I think_ it misses that point and many CF pers _may_ take offense to some of them. _Personally, I think_ it makes CF pers sound like they all live in trailer parks in Kentucky. Not that there's anything wrong with that 

But that's just me and my  :2c:


----------



## nomij (9 Jun 2011)

recceguy said:
			
		

> ..........and while the intent is meant to be humorous, _I think_ it misses that point and many CF pers _may_ take offense to some of them. _Personally, I think_ it makes CF pers sound like they all live in trailer parks in Kentucky. Not that there's anything wrong with that
> 
> But that's just me and my  :2c:



And now I read them with a new perspective.... !
Even more of a reason to come up with a uniquely unplagiarized list!  I would not want to accidentally offend anyone!  
But some can stay.  Maybe, though, if some people could add some good Canadian ones, it would be much better!!! 

Here's some of my cross off's then....

You might be in the Canadian Army if...

your kids weekend pass status is determined by their pt scores
your wife’s favorite lipstick colors are Olive Drab and Brown  
your nicest set of clothes are your DEUs
you have more sets of Combats than civilian clothes
you look forward to getting your clothing allowance each year so you can actually shop a little
you own more pairs of combat boots than all of your shoes combined (Ok, my husband has more shoes, but does have FOUR pairs of combats!!!  Winter, summer, and alternating marching combat boots for long marches...)
you spend your spare time polishing your boots (Whenever he takes them out, he does polish them A LOT!)
you tell little kids playing hide-and-seek that it would work better in CADPATs  and Ghillie suit (Stay?Go?)
You spend half of your day waiting for either orders or supplies (True in ANY army!!!!)
You understand the phrase "hurry up and wait" more now than at any other time in your life
You use acronyms in a social setting.  (Whenever we visit family who are also in the forces... it's like they're speaking in CODE to me!!!!)
You compulsively walk in step with your companions (Stay?Go?)
You look at an approaching individual's collar or cap before you even glance at their face  (Stay?Go?)
Your boss says things like,"You will be there and have fun. That's an order."  (Stay?Go?)
You spend half of your time feeling superior to civilians and the other half wishing you were one of them  (Stay?Go?)

Like I said, I was hoping to come up with a good Canadian list... I'm just not in the "club" to know what to put!!!
Thanks for the perspectives and input so far!
Naomi


----------



## jemcgrg (9 Jun 2011)

My three roommates are in the military and polish their boots every day. Am I the only one who likes the smell of boot polish?


----------



## OldSolduer (9 Jun 2011)

My nicest set of clothes ARE my DEUs.................

And I own more pair of military footwear than civilian...... :-[


----------



## observor 69 (9 Jun 2011)

Now that I am retired these are the ones I have noticed:

First thing you do when you wake up is make your bed.
Have lost the knowledge of how to mix and match civies.
Always arrive at an appointment 15 minutes early.


----------



## Nauticus (9 Jun 2011)

Baden  Guy said:
			
		

> Now that I am retired these are the ones I have noticed:
> 
> First thing you do when you wake up is make your bed.
> Have lost the knowledge of how to mix and match civies.
> Always arrive at an appointment 15 minutes early.


This.

15 minutes early is on-time. On-time is late.


----------



## Old Sweat (9 Jun 2011)

You can swear in Serbo-Croat, Creole, Arabic and Pushtu.

(In the bad, old days troops could swear in German, Norwegian, Turkish and Greek.)


----------



## Container (9 Jun 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> My nicest set of clothes ARE my DEUs.................



I agree. Its why I pay such close attention to how I present myself while I wear it, and make sure I take care of its small details.


----------



## Jeremy360 (9 Jun 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> My nicest set of clothes ARE my DEUs.................
> 
> And I own more pair of military footwear than civilian...... :-[



The wife commented on this last night. 

Two pairs of ankle boots, Oxfords(white and black), combats, wet weather, sea boots, overboots and two pairs of civilian running shoes.  

I have more military footwear than civilian shoes, even with both of us combined.   :


----------



## nomij (9 Jun 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> My nicest set of clothes ARE my DEUs.................
> 
> And I own more pair of military footwear than civilian...... :-[



Actually, when we got married, he wore his DEUs.  Now every mess dinner he goes to, I get all sentimental!!!  I think I will un-cross that one out!  Thanks Jim!  AND when I was worrying about place settings, and decorations, and flowers, he was polishing polishing away!!!
And I was only counting the combat boots... how much footwear does the army issue!  (I like the running shoes logitex sends out though...)

The others are great too!!!  Awesome!  Thanks so much everyone!


----------



## Sythen (9 Jun 2011)

Keep the DEU one as that was definitely true for me..


----------



## GnyHwy (9 Jun 2011)

You've used a LSVW as an IFV.


----------



## Fishbone Jones (9 Jun 2011)

Old Sweat said:
			
		

> You can swear in Serbo-Croat, Creole, Arabic and Pushtu.
> 
> (In the bad, old days troops could swear in German, Norwegian, Turkish and Greek.)



Some of us in uniform still can


----------



## GnyHwy (9 Jun 2011)

Gun tape, 5-50 cord and bulldog clips are your most cherished possessions.


----------



## GnyHwy (9 Jun 2011)

You've been in shit at least 5 times for wearing nonissued kit.


----------



## OldSolduer (9 Jun 2011)

GnyHwy said:
			
		

> You've been in crap at least 5 times for wearing nonissued kit.



Got 7 for wearin non issue boots.


----------



## GnyHwy (9 Jun 2011)

Great idea for a thread nomij.  Genuis.

Here's one more.

You think the sleeping bag hood is the greatest invention ever.


----------



## The Bread Guy (9 Jun 2011)

You just _*CAN'T*_ step off on the right foot during dancing lessons.


----------



## OldSolduer (9 Jun 2011)

GnyHwy said:
			
		

> Here's one more.
> 
> You think the sleeping bag hood is the greatest invention ever.



It is ONE of the greatest ever.


----------



## Jeremy360 (9 Jun 2011)

nomij said:
			
		

> Actually, when we got married, he wore his DEUs.  Now every mess dinner he goes to, I get all sentimental!!!  I think I will un-cross that one out!  Thanks Jim!  AND when I was worrying about place settings, and decorations, and flowers, he was polishing polishing away!!!
> And I was only counting the combat boots... how much footwear does the army issue!  (I like the running shoes logitex sends out though...)
> 
> The others are great too!!!  Awesome!  Thanks so much everyone!



Does he wear the Army uniform?  I'm pretty well set on wearing mine for the big day as well.  I'm still trying to pick a date, but getting married in navy whites seems like the way to go.  They're dead sexy...and white Oxfords are a lot easier to polish.  


You might be in the Canadian Army Forces if...you've been jacked up under the assumption that your NCD jacket is "Canex kit."


----------



## Old Sweat (9 Jun 2011)

You might be in the Canadian army if:

you have crapped in a garbage bag on a winter exercise;

you act relieved when the air temperature rises to minus 20; or

you say things like "let's pull pole" instead of "it's time to go."


----------



## Brutus (9 Jun 2011)

You might be in the Canadian Army if...

you know how to play Euchre


----------



## The Bread Guy (9 Jun 2011)

You might be in the Canadian Army if...

you have to ask which toque you can wear today, and where.


----------



## Strike (9 Jun 2011)

You might be in the Canadian Army if...

You honk the horn before you back up.

You run in step with:
- the music in your iPod
- the guy in front of you on the trail
- the guy you're about to pass.


----------



## chrisf (9 Jun 2011)

You own *more* pairs of boots then pairs of pants.


----------



## Jed (9 Jun 2011)

... All your friends know who 'Buddy'- is.

... You RV with the wife or your kids at a designated spot in the mall.

... You go for a RECCE when you leave the house for a casual walk.


----------



## Brutus (9 Jun 2011)

...when your son complains of a sore knee, you give him foot power, and when your daughter complains of a headache, you give her cepacol.


----------



## Strike (9 Jun 2011)

...you field-strip your cigarettes.


----------



## Jed (9 Jun 2011)

You are older Cdn Army when ...
You know that Check, T, L, V, left means about turn on the march.
You know how to drill with a .303 Enfield (that's really old)
You know how to hold your FNC1 so the inspecting officer can peer down the end of your rifle barrel
You know how to quickly modify the FNC1 to fire 'full auto'


----------



## Brutus (9 Jun 2011)

...you don't allow your wife to store the Tide box on the window sill.


----------



## Jed (9 Jun 2011)

That's Cdn Navy, lol


----------



## Navalsnpr (9 Jun 2011)

Brutus said:
			
		

> ...you don't allow your wife to store the Tide box on the window sill.





			
				Jed said:
			
		

> That's Cdn Navy, lol



More PMQ's on an Army Base than a Navy one! I'd have to disagree!  >


----------



## Nemo888 (9 Jun 2011)

Brutus said:
			
		

> ...you don't allow your wife to store the Tide box on the window sill.



BWAHAHAHAHA. FTW


----------



## cavalryman (9 Jun 2011)

Brutus said:
			
		

> ...you don't allow your wife to store the Tide box on the window sill.



You know that it's the box of Omo in the window in the PMQs in Lahr

You know what Omo stands for in 4 CMBG slang

You know what 4 CMBG is  ;D


----------



## observor 69 (9 Jun 2011)

Jed said:
			
		

> You are older Cdn Army when ...
> You know that Check, T, L, V, left means about turn on the march.
> You know how to drill with a .303 Enfield (that's really old)
> You know how to hold your FNC1 so the inspecting officer can peer down the end of your rifle barrel
> You know how to quickly modify the FNC1 to fire 'full auto'



 :'(


----------



## Foxhound (9 Jun 2011)

Several pages worth here: http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/1290.0.html


----------



## mikeninercharlie (9 Jun 2011)

While on GOC’s parade, ordered to pull down pants / take off boots…

Driving across the prairies in the dead of winter in an unheated truck, with a lit catalytic heater on the floor, wearing a down filled casualty evacuation bag on top of full winter kit, with your co driver scraping the inside of windows with his ID card.


----------



## Delaney1986 (10 Jun 2011)

While in the dead of sleep you consistently give your wife a heart attack my yelling drills at her and repeating 'WHERE DID YOU PARK THE TANKS?!?"


----------



## GnyHwy (10 Jun 2011)

You can recite your service number, ID card #, rifle serial #, CFR for your vehicle, serial #s for your all secure equipment and dozens of other peoples work #s but, cannot remember your home phone number.


----------



## OldSolduer (10 Jun 2011)

mikeninercharlie said:
			
		

> Driving across the prairies in the dead of winter in an unheated truck, with a lit catalytic heater on the floor, wearing a down filled casualty evacuation bag on top of full winter kit, with your co driver scraping the inside of windows with his ID card.



One more than one occasion.


----------



## fixerdude (10 Jun 2011)

#1 happened to me a few times  ;D

You think battle procedures when your wife orders you to get milk from the corner store.


----------



## SoldierInAYear (10 Jun 2011)

Baden  Guy said:
			
		

> :'(



hahahaha


----------



## nomij (10 Jun 2011)

Hey everyone!
I started a cool thread about "You might be in the canadian army if" but now it's gone!  And it was so funny!  Does anyone know where it disappeared to?
Thanks!
Naomi


----------



## mariomike (10 Jun 2011)

nomij said:
			
		

> I started a cool thread about "You might be in the canadian army if" but now it's gone!  And it was so funny!  Does anyone know where it disappeared to?



http://forums.milnet.ca/forums/threads/1290/post-1051774.html#msg1051774


----------



## George Wallace (10 Jun 2011)

You Might be in the Canadian Forces if you keep on doing this:



			
				nomij said:
			
		

> Hey everyone!
> I started a cool thread about "You might be in the canadian army if" but now it's gone!  And it was so funny!  Does anyone know where it disappeared to?
> Thanks!
> Naomi



Lost, but making good time.


----------



## SevenSixTwo (11 Jun 2011)

You are the expert when it comes to fitting as much as possible into a bag or the back of your families vehicle.


----------



## Dissident (11 Jun 2011)

Must resist the urge to come to attention with a right foot slam when coming to the door of any of the bosses.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (11 Jun 2011)

-You end any explanation or instruction with the words, "DO THIS NOW".

-You, (without even thinking about it), reach out to straighten your buddy's collar, and tell them they look like a "bag of crap".

-Your spouse/kid/friend....etc drops something, and the only thing you say is, "get a grip on your kit".

-You get pissed when you see a guy wearing a hat in a restaurant.

-You are beside yourself with disbelief when it takes people more than 7 minutes to finish a meal.


----------



## cphansen (12 Jun 2011)

When you worry about the possible return of the Army Forage Cap


----------



## BernDawg (12 Jun 2011)

NinerSix said:
			
		

> Must resist the urge to come to attention with a right foot slam when coming to the door of any of the bosses.


After 25+ yrs it was the hardest thing for me to un-learn, not the coming to attention but just the simple fact that I could go see my boss whenever I had something I needed to discuss with them. Not my direct super then his then someone else would talk to the Boss, just me, straight up the hallway and into the office, still feels kinda weird!


----------



## BernDawg (12 Jun 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> -You end any explanation or instruction with the words, "DO THIS NOW".
> 
> -You, (without even thinking about it), reach out to straighten your buddy's collar, and tell them they look like a "bag of crap".
> 
> ...



Full-on +1!!
 :warstory:
I was coaching a kids soccer team a few years ago and I guess I was slipping into NCO mode, absolutely spontaneously they all snapped to attention and saluted me. Parents thought it was hilarious (because coaching minor soccer is a spectator sport ya know!)

My addition to the thread -
You point at something with your entire hand and when you're getting pissed off trying to explain something that your pointing at, with your entire hand, you **** your trigger finger back and start to quake from your finger tips to your arm pit trying not to drive the point home with a little physical reinforcement!

Seriously?  The PC cop software X's-out the reference to a rooster used in proper context???


----------



## Tollis (13 Jun 2011)

Nothing is ever good, or acceptable, or great.  It's "outstanding", if it isn't outstanding its not good enough.

If it isn't outstanding you expect someone to be doing at least 25 push-ups


----------



## Foxhound (13 Jun 2011)

NinerSix said:
			
		

> Must resist the urge to come to attention with a right foot slam when coming to the door of any of the bosses.



Nevermind the boss, I STILL feel a particular urge sometimes to _Halt! -2-3-1!_ then salute when I approach a water fountain! :warstory:  (Cornwallis CRSE 7836.)


----------



## Nemo888 (14 Jun 2011)

You see a biker in a helmet and your trigger finger twitches. Then you realize it's his helmet silhouette.


----------



## DCRabbit (14 Jun 2011)

jemcgrg said:
			
		

> My three roommates are in the military and polish their boots every day. Am I the only one who likes the smell of boot polish?



 Nahh.. it doesn't feel like home if there isn't the smell of boot polish in the air. Or stuff isn't held together with gun tape.


----------



## RememberanceDay (14 Jun 2011)

When you can recite all 154 of Murphy's Military laws... Like #87

"You will always lose a battle if the CO is watching."


----------



## blackberet17 (22 Jun 2011)

When you take your brand new "field hot beverage container" (aka Tim Horton's thermos or the like), and wrap it in gun tape, so it's more "tactical".  :camo:


----------



## ReneeClaude (22 Jun 2011)

When you ALWAYS use military time and get annoyed at people who don't

For the ladies - When you have a tube of camouflage face paint in your make up bag  ;D


----------



## daftandbarmy (23 Jun 2011)

You attract attention at the local sports field when your kids run full tilt down the length of the top row of the bleachers and launch themselves head first into space (to be caught by you) screaming 'AIIIIRRRRBORRRNNNEE!!!!

When you put them down you direct them to 'recover'.

Other people's kids whine to their parents that they want to do the same thing. They look at you like you're insane then lead them off to somewhere safer.

Pussies.


----------



## Sapplicant (23 Jun 2011)

You're a member of a military internet forum. And you've never even been in the ******* army.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (23 Jun 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> When you put them down you direct them to 'recover'.
> 
> Other people's kids whine to their parents that they want to do the same thing. They look at you like you're insane then lead them off to somewhere safer.



 :rofl:

Too true.....people often look at me like I've got dicks growing out of my eye sockets when I'm speaking to my kid, but I find simple, to the point directions to be much more useful, and effective when dealing with kids.


----------



## BernDawg (24 Jun 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> You attract attention at the local sports field when your kids run full tilt down the length of the top row of the bleachers and launch themselves head first into space (to be caught by you) screaming 'AIIIIRRRRBORRRNNNEE!!!!
> 
> When you put them down you direct them to 'recover'.
> 
> ...


My (then) 4 yr old daughter took a flying leap off the top of the stairs into my sister-in-law's arms screaming like a banshee all the way. My sister-in-law was not expecting such behaviour form a demure (ya right!) little  4 yr old however she caught her. My daughter was giggling and my sister-in-law was freaking out!!
What my sis-in-law didn't know was that my daughter and I had been practicing this since she could walk. One step, two steps etc until she could nail it off of the top of the stairs.
Maybe we're all a little touched  but I wouldn't change a thing.


----------



## kawa11 (24 Jun 2011)

BernDawg said:
			
		

> My (then) 4 yr old daughter took a flying leap off the top of the stairs into my sister-in-law's arms screaming like a banshee all the way. My sister-in-law was not expecting such behaviour form a demure (ya right!) little  4 yr old however she caught her. My daughter was giggling and my sister-in-law was freaking out!!
> What my sis-in-law didn't know was that my daughter and I had been practicing this since she could walk. *One step, two steps etc until she could nail it off of the top of the stairs.*
> Maybe we're all a little touched  but I wouldn't change a thing.


There's no greater feeling for a father than watching the smile on your child's face grow until it can't get any bigger as they exercise complete trust in their "daddy"

A small piece of my wife dies every time my daughter jumps from step 4.. 

We'll see how things go when she drags her brother up the first tree ;D


----------



## CdnArtyWife (25 Jun 2011)

When you yell "Deploy! Deploy! Deploy!" when you want your kids to get out of the vehicle in a hurry.

When, after buckling the kids in their car seats, you accidentally leave the van doors open and your CF member spouse asks you as he backs out of the driveway "What?! Are they helicopter gunners now?" 

Your entire family answers the phone saying "Send" instead of "Hello".


----------



## daftandbarmy (25 Jun 2011)

CdnArtyWife said:
			
		

> When you yell "Deploy! Deploy! Deploy!" when you want your kids to get out of the vehicle in a hurry.



Excellent. My preferred phrase is 'Down Ramp, Out Troops!'. At least they'll be checked out in case we need to go on holiday by Landing Craft.


----------



## RememberanceDay (25 Jun 2011)

When both of my brothers (5&10) Can recite drill movements, foot calling AND timing, for several programs (EG, Competitions). Kinda sad...

The kiddos on my bus can call timing for 'By the left, quick march'. AND they can do it well too....

ALL THIS along with brining a length of rope to my grad and tying knots the whole time, ending up with a monkey's fist. (Which I later use to beat off the kid who's been after me all year...)


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (25 Jun 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> I later use to beat off the kid who's been after me all year...





I sez, pardon?!?


----------



## daftandbarmy (25 Jun 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> I sez, pardon?!?



C'mon.. it's an executive command for the band e.g., "Band! Beat.... Off!". 

I knew I loved the army for more than one reason.  :nod:


----------



## RememberanceDay (25 Jun 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> I sez, pardon?!?




Haha, chasing me all year. Tried to hold my hand going down the stairs (Wearing my Parade boots, to boot). So, I wacked him over the head.  Not too hard.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (26 Jun 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> C'mon.. it's an executive command for the band e.g., "Band! Beat.... Off!".
> 
> I knew I loved the army for more than one reason.  :nod:



Sadly, I used to have to suppress giggles when anyone said anything about DUTY.
"It's not just your DUTY.....it's your buddy's DUTY...Hell.....it's everyone's DUTY!"
(as in "doodie")
After a couple of months of the other folks in my section wondering what I was giggling about, I filled 'em in.
Then they tittered as well.


Yep...a poop joke, that's how mature I am.




edit for poor English & proofreading


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (26 Jun 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> Haha, chasing me all year. Tried to hold my hand going down the stairs (Wearing my Parade boots, to boot). So, I wacked him over the head.  Not too hard.



Oh...OK, then........

Jeez, I hope my kid smacks any boy that tries to hold her hand!


----------



## RememberanceDay (26 Jun 2011)

Ham, your daughter is too dang precious!

It gets better. 

Your whole home-room class jumps to attention when you yell 'ROOM!' as the teacher walks in. Oddly enough, no one complains.

It's been a whole year. They finally know how to salute proper with the right hand. God...


----------



## daftandbarmy (26 Jun 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> Ham, your daughter is too dang precious!
> 
> It gets better.
> 
> ...



Palm down, or palm out?


----------



## Robert0288 (26 Jun 2011)

You know the army is getting into your brain when...  


			
				Stacked said:
			
		

> Are we still talking about the executive command?



Anything and everything can be turned into a poop and or sex joke.


----------



## Cui (26 Jun 2011)

When you read the 201 as entertainment and constantly comes up with new ways to teach drill lessons, as a result of being in cadets too long.


----------



## RememberanceDay (26 Jun 2011)

Cui said:
			
		

> When you read the 201 as entertainment and constantly comes up with new ways to teach drill lessons, as a result of being in cadets too long.



You read the RC(Sea)CC Drill Handbook from cover to cover, and when your CO finds out, being able to do every move to perfection. That is because you read it over 15 times. That's me. SO BORED!!!


----------



## cphansen (26 Jun 2011)

RTFM is very good advice for almost any endeavour, even drill. 

Of course, being able to understand it, is another issue.


----------



## BernDawg (27 Jun 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> Excellent. My preferred phrase is 'Down Ramp, Out Troops!'. At least they'll be checked out in case we need to go on holiday by Landing Craft.


"Dismount, Dismount, Dismount!" and they all know what I mean. Now if we have company in the veh with us (kids friends etc.) I do get some weird looks.


----------



## OldSolduer (27 Jun 2011)

When you're co-driving a civvy vehicle and you constantly info your driver "Clear on the right"....and they understand.


----------



## Sigger (27 Jun 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> When you're co-driving a civvy vehicle and you constantly info your driver "Clear on the right"....and they understand.



Hear hear!


----------



## Brutus (28 Jun 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> -You end any explanation or instruction with the words, "DO THIS NOW".



I do that with my kids who are 5 and 7 but I think they like it. Their Mom rambles on and on and they look at her like stunned monkeys when she gives them instructions.



> -You get pissed when you see a guy wearing a hat in a restaurant.



I HATE that. Drives me nuts.


----------



## mariomike (28 Jun 2011)

If it was a joint where the seats are bolted to the floor, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Otherwise, just say, "You got a bee ona you hat!":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5VosYo8nQ



			
				Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> When you're co-driving a civvy vehicle and you constantly info your driver "Clear on the right"....and they understand.



Understand. Check for myself. Especially on a red.


----------



## daftandbarmy (30 Jun 2011)

Talking to a (female) senior partner in a law firm today and in reply to one of her comments I said "Roger that". She gave me an odd look.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (30 Jun 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> Talking to a (female) senior partner in a law firm today and in reply to one of her comments I said "Roger that". She gave me an odd look.



As an anecdote to that: AKA _(this one time @ band camp)_
I got a new boss @ work.
His intro to me was me performing necessary first-aid on a lady who fell down the stairs.

I was rolling on gauze, and we walked up to me, looked me over...

"Y'ever been in the ARMY?"

"Yessir".

"K"

He just walked away....

Found out later he was a 1CER guy from the late 70's early 80's.

It's kinda strange how one can spot another.........


----------



## daftandbarmy (6 Jul 2011)

Over at a wife's friend's place. They have a long, raised front porch, probably 3 feet off the ground. Inside with a beer while my 2 kids are outside playing with her kid. All three kids are running down the deck, leaping off the end and screaming 'AIRRRRRBORRRRNNNEEE!!!!!'. First born male child is drawing what appears to be an imaginary circle of some kind on the front of his shirt, with his index finger, each time before he leaps off - must be his personal airborne insignia or something. The women start fussing and tell me to do something about it all. I go out, they stop, look at me and I say 'remember kids, feet and knees together' and I go back inside.

I realize that my work here is done and I can now go happily to the big DZ RV in the sky at anytime.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (6 Jul 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> Over at a wife's friend's place.....I can now go happily to the big DZ RV in the sky at anytime.



Nice.....


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (6 Jul 2011)

I clean my pellet gun after use.........borebrush...INFINITE pullthroughs....

IT'S A PELLET GUN...THERE'S NO CARBON!

 :facepalm:

Just habit, I guess.


----------



## buck13 (6 Jul 2011)

When you read out license plates, serial numbers, etc, in phonetic alphabet to pass the time.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (6 Jul 2011)

buck13 said:
			
		

> When you read out license plates, serial numbers, etc, in phonetic alphabet to pass the time.



....Even when alone....and reporting into your Tim's cup as a MIC.
"_TIM 0...THIS IS TIM 1...CHECK ON charleskilosierrasixsixniner.....OVER?"
"TIM 0, do you copy?"_
Sad but true.
_
I find the pills help.  _


----------



## Neill McKay (6 Jul 2011)

buck13 said:
			
		

> When you read out license plates, serial numbers, etc, in phonetic alphabet to pass the time.



Don't knock it!  That's how I learned the phonetic alphabet (during a summer job as the groundskeeper at a hotel, late in the last millennium).


----------



## midget-boyd91 (6 Jul 2011)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> Over at a wife's friend's place. They have a long, raised front porch, probably 3 feet off the ground. Inside with a beer while my 2 kids are outside playing with her kid. All three kids are running down the deck, leaping off the end and screaming 'AIRRRRRBORRRRNNNEEE!!!!!'. First born male child is drawing what appears to be an imaginary circle of some kind on the front of his shirt, with his index finger, each time before he leaps off - must be his personal airborne insignia or something. The women start fussing and tell me to do something about it all. I go out, they stop, look at me and I say 'remember kids, feet and knees together' and I go back inside.
> 
> I realize that my work here is done and I can now go happily to the big DZ RV in the sky at anytime.



Haha I still get bugged by my family for the fact that I used to do pretty much exactly that off of the back porch when I was a kid. Except I used a toy parachute from a big toy parchuting batman..... now the back porch is decidedly higher.  ;D


----------



## BernDawg (6 Jul 2011)

N. McKay said:
			
		

> Don't knock it!  That's how I learned the phonetic alphabet (during a summer job as the groundskeeper at a hotel, late in the last millennium).


Well then I'm special with a capitol 7! I memorized the phonetic alphabet from the back page of the "Short Timers" long before I signed up. Got a couple of weird looks from my teachers when I occasionally spelled things out in class.


----------



## buck13 (7 Jul 2011)

N. McKay said:
			
		

> Don't knock it!  That's how I learned the phonetic alphabet (during a summer job as the groundskeeper at a hotel, late in the last millennium).



I'm not knocking it at all! That's exactly how I learned it too! But years later, knowing it back to front, the fact that I still do it constantly in my head worries me a bit.


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## Neill McKay (7 Jul 2011)

buck13 said:
			
		

> I'm not knocking it at all! That's exactly how I learned it too! But years later, knowing it back to front, the fact that I still do it constantly in my head worries me a bit.



Nothing to worry about -- you have to keep in practice!


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## GnyHwy (7 Jul 2011)

Funny how the phonetic starts with a P in respect to the phonetic alphabet .


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## wildman0101 (7 Jul 2011)

I was sleeping soundly one night.
Some thing awoken'd me.
Realalising it was a sound of some kind 
of combat action I immediately jumped 
into the nearest combat fatigue's i had,,,
sweat-pant's and sneaker's. I approched
the kitchten window and looked out.
Observed a shiny object zing across the
road. Being trained in the stealthy type 
combat stuff I exited the front (squeaky)
door. Standing on my front step's I located 
shiny object. A tin can? Being a windy night I
figuire'd the wind russling through the recycle
area was the result of zingy object blowin 
across road. I approached shiny object fig-
juring I would re-recycle it. Out streak's a 
cat,,,bat's shiny object (tin can) down the 
road. Well that cracked me right up. Here I 
was standing in the middle of the road cracking
up then realised-Gee someone else might-a 
heard this sh@@. So I exited the area realising
I dont have to do this S@@@ any more. Must a
been the PTSD,,,Luckily for that cat I didnt have 
something to lock n load. My luck I probably would
of shot myself in the foot. Man that was a strange 
night. And you know what. Stupid cat and that tin
can are still out there somewhere. The reason I 
posted this,,,I dont know. Thought I'd run a goofy 
real story case ya got bored.   anyway I'm still up 
so I thought I'd spit shine my white sneaker's.
Cheer's and dont wait up,,,,
Scoty B


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## daftandbarmy (8 Jul 2011)

wildman0101 said:
			
		

> I was sleeping soundly one night.
> Some thing awoken'd me.
> Realalising it was a sound of some kind
> of combat action I immediately jumped
> ...



I think I've found your cat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q


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## blackberet17 (12 Jul 2011)

Now, I just finished crse, so...

While driving with anyone, as the front passenger, you look right, and say, "Clear right!"

Drives the GF nuts.


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## wildman0101 (12 Jul 2011)

A couple year's ago I was giving a gal I know from Belguim
driving instruction's as she wanted a Canadian Driver's 
License. Quote
Me: Traffic light coming up,engage left turn signal,check
rear-view mirror, change lane's.
Her: You mean turn left right here.
Me. Yes
Her: she check's rear view(no traffic) Engage's left signal
switch,change's lane's and move's into left lane. All is cool.
HER: Zing's into right lane and make's a right turn, at the light
givig me 3 heart-attack's, 4-fit's of Holy-sh@@. 
Me: Why did you just do that???????
Her: Well you told me to lern left/right here so I turned right.
Me: Pull over. Question to HER: Where the F@@@ did you learn 
how to drive????????????
Her: England.
Me: Well that answered that question.
Note:Never let a right hand driver drive a left hand car.
Cheer's Scoty


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## mike63 (13 Jul 2011)

blackberet17 said:
			
		

> Now, I just finished crse, so...
> 
> While driving with anyone, as the front passenger, you look right, and say, "Clear right!"
> 
> Drives the GF nuts.



That's funny.  My wife and 23 yr old daughter still do that for me when we are out.  I'll get the 'clear' from my wife then she shouts out 'go go go'. (I sometimes think she just does that to humour me but, it's still funny) Up until now, I thought it was perfectly normal...now I see I must have done a good job on the instructions way back when.  I guess they both think it's normal to say that also.

At our campsite, when we are sitting around the campfire or out kayaking, I'll see something and call out a GRIT.  It's always funny to look back at the rest of them (all civies) and see the wide eyed (wtf are you talking about) look out of them...always cracks me up.


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## 211RadOp (14 Jul 2011)

mike63 said:
			
		

> That's funny.  My wife and 23 yr old daughter still do that for me when we are out.  I'll get the 'clear' from my wife then she shouts out 'go go go'. (I sometimes think she just does that to humour me but, it's still funny) Up until now, I thought it was perfectly normal...now I see I must have done a good job on the instructions way back when.  I guess they both think it's normal to say that also.



That's because they know you can barely see over the dashboard, let alone out the right window  :nod:


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## OldSolduer (14 Jul 2011)

blackberet17 said:
			
		

> Now, I just finished crse, so...
> 
> While driving with anyone, as the front passenger, you look right, and say, "Clear right!"
> 
> Drives the GF nuts.




I said that a few pages ago. My daughter tells me not to do that. Wife is good with it.


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## ajp (14 Jul 2011)

blackberet17 said:
			
		

> Now, I just finished crse, so...
> 
> While driving with anyone, as the front passenger, you look right, and say, "Clear right!"
> 
> Drives the GF nuts.



The way ISLANDERS Drive.....U Need a JAFO just to survive the new traffic circles.


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## blackberet17 (14 Jul 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> I said that a few pages ago. My daughter tells me not to do that. Wife is good with it.



Sorry, Jim, didn't back check.  :-[



> The way ISLANDERS Drive.....U Need a JAFO just to survive the new traffic circles.



Don't get me started on that... yield is a concept Islanders have yet to learn, let alone yellow lights, one-way traffic, and "Slow Traffic Keep Right".  :facepalm:


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## OldSolduer (14 Jul 2011)

blackberet17 said:
			
		

> Sorry, Jim, didn't back check.  :-[



Don't sweat it dude. As one very senior officer told me once "90% of all military staff work is plagiarized". It's all good!! ;D


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## chrisf (14 Jul 2011)

N. McKay said:
			
		

> Nothing to worry about -- you have to keep in practice!



ACP-125 in the washroom...


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## mike63 (14 Jul 2011)

211RadOp said:
			
		

> That's because they know you can barely see over the dashboard, let alone out the right window  :nod:



That my UN friend might be true however, at least I have a real truck and not that little gmc thingy you have.  You still have it right?


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## 211RadOp (14 Jul 2011)

mike63 said:
			
		

> That my UN friend might be true however, at least I have a real truck and not that little gmc thingy you have.  You still have it right?



Truck was returned, but I didn't need a big truck to compensate anyway.


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## mike63 (14 Jul 2011)

211RadOp said:
			
		

> Truck was returned, but I didn't need a big truck to compensate anyway.



It's not a big truck, it's a 4Runner, it's only tall...which I am making up for.


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## PPCLI Guy (5 Aug 2011)

Today was my first day of leave....and I have so far done PT and had a hair cut.


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## Sigger (8 Aug 2011)

a Sig Op said:
			
		

> ACP-125 in the washroom...



On my iPhone..


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