# suicidal thoughts



## ZBM2 (14 May 2010)

Anyone else out there having a hard time living and wanting to die?
paranoid or angry for no reason?
sweat bullets at night?
crying jags all the time?
want to eat a bullet
pray to die?
life not worth living?
VAC can help


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## ZBM2 (14 May 2010)

i have a difficult time living and wanted to connect with people out there who i know are out there dealing with life and wanting to die
I been there and want to find others to talks to


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## Fishbone Jones (14 May 2010)

That's better. Good luck.

Perhaps some of our resident experts will be along within the next day or so to help you out.

Milnet.ca Staff


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## Eye In The Sky (14 May 2010)

And based on that reply, I ask folks take it as genuine.  

Z,

Hang in there.  Do what you need to be safe, right now and until tomorrow morning.  Is there anyone you can talk to, want to talk to that is geographically close to you?


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## 1feral1 (14 May 2010)

I wish the Australian Army had a similar site to this..... http://www.osiss.ca/engraph/peer_sn_e.asp?sidecat=1&txt=1

Dude, many of us, including myself had a very rocky road on return from our deployments.

I found my release by doing stupid things, such as with speed (driving), loud heavy metal, whisky/mersyndol combination, isolation/avoidance, and a host of other dysfunctional habits, and for too long led a very reckless lifestyle, which was unsafe to myself and others.

After 3 yrs, with assistance from the outside, I am managing.

Don't do what I did, I waited too long with my stubborn bull-headed attitude of 'she'll be apples mate'. I was only fooling myself.  

At the end of the day, just remember, you're not alone.

OWDU


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## Fishbone Jones (14 May 2010)

ZBM2,

PM sent


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## medicineman (14 May 2010)

Dude, 

I'm military, medical and on the Island - feel free to drop me a note.  PM me for my work e-mail if you want and I can put you on to someone.

MM


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## ZBM2 (14 May 2010)

downunder i feel you
im in the same boat with you


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## 1feral1 (14 May 2010)

Mate - PM inbound


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## fischer10 (14 May 2010)

Well, I may be able to put some personal experience into this... My mother has suffered with depression for the past 14 years and has 5 suicide attempts (her choice was prescription drugs and alcohol). She was on narcotics, anti-psychotics, psychotics, antidepressants and some other drugs for chronic migraines, so she had a more then enough supply (why the doctors had her on drugs to counter the drugs is beyond me...). None were "successful" (thankfully). I knew about the depression for many years, but until her last attempt I did not know about the 4 others. I read her therapists file (that she was given, had all her notes and what she thought of it etc etc). Very hard thing to deal with, being that I found her last time and she would be dead right now if I had not decided to leave for home early (was at step dads). Anyway, she was forced into a 3 week institution for Anxiety/depression sufferers by friends and family. After that she was given the option to take a group therapy once a week. She took that and it really helped her and she enjoyed it! Which was a great relief for her and everyone else. So I would recommend joining a group to anyone who is suffering from depression/anxiety. I got the pleasure of meeting some of the people she is friends with from it, and at first I thought "oh this could be interesting...." but turns out wasn't at all, they all seemed "normal" (use that loosely... don't really know what everyone would say normal is, if you're following), happy and doing fine in their lives. I actually work with one of the people I met through my mother now (lol on that one). What  I was getting at there was that, the people suffering may be the ones you least expect, and group allowed them to make friends, connect and feel a sense of belonging/security because of it. That group has ended, new one starts in September and I believe my mother and her friends from the group will be helping run it. Also, just a side note that in the group there was people coming form different backgrounds (as in drugs/sexual confusion/depression/alcohol/abuse/terminal illness). None the less, basic ground for finding those who can and are willing to help. By the way after going into the center/group my mother is now only on a mild depressant (reduced from 300mg/day too 15mg/day) and some medications for her migraines.

Onto myself... For myself I have thought about suicide as well. Never tried and got passed it in a way. I don't know my real father, was in and out of child services when I was young because my mother had to work to sustain us. My grandfather was a well known and very respected man of the community, so I was never taken away for more then a day, and most times child services would just take me to my grandparents house. My grandfather was basically my father, until he died when I was 9. Life changing experience there, also had the trouble that my mother met and married my step father (who I don't get along with and don't talk to either). Have also had money problems all through my life (been working since I was 13). Other smaller issues that really shouldn't be complaining about. I also took up heavy drinking (3-4 times a week) during high school - reason for this was because I felt like I was someone else when I was drunk. There was nothing to worry about, all my "flaws" that I don't like about myself didn't matter etc. That become excessive and harder and harder to reach that point of intoxication and I stopped that a year ago (due to want and no money..).  

Over the years I ended up with an apathetic attitude towards almost everything, and not really caring. Thats where I hit my snag, but I also have the problem of over thinking EVERYTHING, which is horribly annoying and doesn't allow one to move on, but from that I come up with "No reason to want to live, but I don't have any reason to die either?" in my opinion, not wanting to live only puts you in a neutral position and not a negative one, therefore its not a reason to die. After death there isn't anything else (I don't believe in god, even though I come from a very religious family...my mother and I are like the only ones lol) but staying alive you have the chance to pull yourself out of the problems/ruts/hole you are in and be happy and content. NOT saying I look down on those who believe in god, I entertain the thought of it along with everything else (over thinking problem gives you an open mind). So all in all, I chose to give up university (was in University of Waterloo for Mechanical Engineering) and join the forces, where I would be doing something that has always intrigued me and that I could excel at. Reasons for joining was basically the whole list, didn't see any downfall other then the risk of dying (which is outweighed greatly in my mind). So come September I will be done with struggling to find a job and make rent payment and still have enough for food... (hopefully? haha). 

But, that giant mumble of words may not make sense, as I am horrible at typing and speaking my mind. But basically, find something you love doing and keeps your mind busy and satisfied and things will start to look up. Whether that comfort come from family, friends, intimate partner, work/school/education, physical exercise (yes this works, especially when mixed in with others) or groups/communities. What ever works use it! Alcohol helps for so long, but going out with friends and taking back a couple is a great way to relax, even if you don't talk about difficulties. 

I've found running has really helped me and I also picked up competitive gaming for a while too. That was lots of fun and I made some good friends!

Though, I don't have any experience with the military and depression/anxiety/suicide but I'm thinking it does not fall too far from the tree. If it is different, someone feel free to correct me =). 

Good luck to those and i hope you find peace.

- Fisch


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## the 48th regulator (14 May 2010)

Overwatch Downunder said:
			
		

> I wish the Australian Army had a similar site to this..... http://www.osiss.ca/engraph/peer_sn_e.asp?sidecat=1&txt=1
> 
> Dude, many of us, including myself had a very rocky road on return from our deployments.
> 
> ...



ZBM2,

I can not have told you any better than OWDU.

When I suffered, I waited ten years, until I found the help.  OSISS Provided that with Peer support from people who have served, and had been diagnosed with an Operational Stress Injury.  I would advise you contact them soonest, as they are the ones that will guide you down the right path of well being.

dileas

tess


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## TFLY (14 May 2010)

For what it's worth, I will be thinking about you and sending you some Reiki in my next healing session.  I can only imagine your anguish and my only desire is that you find solace soon.  PM me anytime if you would like an ear.


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