# Informing Family and Friends



## Junior17 (3 Jan 2007)

Is there anyone out there that can help me ... looking for help on how to tell people that I've joined the CF ... I know that there will be a mix bag of reactions and I was wondering if there is anything that could soften the news ... or even some personal experiences and how you dealt with the reactions ... thanks ... :-\


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## Mithras (3 Jan 2007)

Just tell them the truth,  I am sure you have some pretty strong reasons for joining and those reasons should be enough for them.

I haven't had to deal with any overtly negative responses, I have gotten the standard "What about Afghanistan?" query and they all asked "Why?" but I gave them my reasons and they have all been supportive.  I don't think they need to like you joining as long as they are supportive.

Anyways it is your life, it is your decision and in the end you are the one that has to live with it, not them.


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## te. crutch (3 Jan 2007)

Mithras said:
			
		

> Just tell them the truth,  I am sure you have some pretty strong reasons for joining and those reasons should be enough for them.
> 
> I haven't had to deal with any overtly negative responses, I have gotten the standard "What about Afghanistan?" query and they all asked "Why?" but I gave them my reasons and they have all been supportive.  I don't think they need to like you joining as long as they are supportive.
> 
> Anyways it is your life, it is your decision and in the end you are the one that has to live with it, not them.



+1

I had the same kind of reactions, and everyone I told seemed to understand when I told them "My" reasons. It's not an easy choice for some people to make and I support you for making it. So will everyone you talk to. Aside from my mother, who has obvious concerns, all my friends and family have showed nothing but strong support for me. Like Mithras said, just tell them the truth and they will accpet it or not.


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## Jaydub (3 Jan 2007)

Junior17 said:
			
		

> Is there anyone out there that can help me ... looking for help on how to tell people that I've joined the CF ... I know that there will be a mix bag of reactions and I was wondering if there is anything that could soften the news ... or even some personal experiences and how you dealt with the reactions ... thanks ... :-\



You're profile says you're 27.  Unless you're married or have any kids, there isn't really anyone you have to justify your decision to.  Like what everyone else is saying, just tell them the truth and they should be supportive.  At the very least they'll respect your decision.


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## DeltaWhiskey (3 Jan 2007)

Yeah. I get the "What about Afghanistan?" line, as well. I've only just submitted my application, and I bet I've heard that one no less than 10-15 times already.  
As I said, I'm not in the CF yet, and I have no one to explain myself to when/if accepted. I'm certain you feel the honour in joining the CF, and as long as you're satisfied with your decision, then that's all that _truly_ matters. It's always difficult when family and friends aren't supportive. But, perhaps if you're faced with negative feelings at first, their acceptance will come later, once you've shown you're established and your future is clearer. 
Use reason in your quest for support. Relate to them the benefits of the CF - job security, pension, travel, income, other nameless perks. Tell them to watch "Full Metal Jacket", and reassure them that it is perfectly acceptable to feel a bit uneasy. J/k, of course. ;D
Hope this helps a little, and good luck.


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## TCBF (3 Jan 2007)

Go on the offence: "How can you guys just sit here, eat bon-bons and watch Oprah all day when there is a country to be saved in Afghanistan?  Your forebears liberated Holland and you question ME?  You are worms!"

If they don't come around, no loss.  You will meet better people.

Tom


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## Junior17 (3 Jan 2007)

> Aside from my mother, who has obvious concerns, all my friends and family have showed nothing but strong support for me. Like Mithras said, just tell them the truth and they will accpet it or not.



Yeah I know for sure my mom will freak out ... she has a different view of Afghanistan then I do ... she believes it's 'someone elses fight' ... my ex was supportive back last summer ... but it'll be interesting to see if she's still supportive now that everything is falling into place ...


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## DeltaWhiskey (3 Jan 2007)

TCBF said:
			
		

> Go on the offence: "How can you guys just sit here, eat bon-bons and watch Oprah all day when there is a country to be saved in Afghanistan?  Your forebears liberated Holland and you question ME?  You are worms!"
> 
> If they don't come around, no loss.  You will meet better people.
> 
> Tom



Or, if my advice fails, do what he says.  ;D


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## blacktriangle (3 Jan 2007)

Just tell it like it is, and if they say anything negative...it's their problem, eff em.

At your age you should be fine, try telling your parents your going reg force at age 17...that one gets some emotion going heh.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (3 Jan 2007)

Junior17 said:
			
		

> Is there anyone out there that can help me ... looking for help on how to tell people that I've joined the CF ... I know that there will be a mix bag of reactions and I was wondering if there is anything that could soften the news ... or even some personal experiences and how you dealt with the reactions ... thanks ... :-\



Um why would you want to soften the news??
Are you proud of what you have done or not??
If not it's time to submit your voluntary realease now before we spend any more money on your training.

If you are you do it like this.

"Mom, Dad (fill in the name) I'm so happy because today I've done something I've wanted to do for a long time. I joined the Canadian Armed Forces. It's a great career and a great opportunity to serve my country. I will probably have to face some pretty big challenges but this is what I want to do with my life. I know you all love me and you'll support me."

_"But what about Afghanistan?" _ 

"Yeah that's the cool part. I get to go and help people who really need me on the other side of the world."

How's that??


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## GUNS (3 Jan 2007)

Junior17, your 27 and wondering how to explain your decision to join the military.  :

Your 27,  in control of your life.

Your 27 years on this earth.

There is no reason for you to justify your decision. Explain-yes, justify-no.

I was 17 when I joined, my parents supported me when I explained why I wanted to join.

Explain then join.  no ifs,ands or buts.


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## Mike Baker (3 Jan 2007)

GUNS said:
			
		

> Junior17, your 27 and wondering how to explain your decision to join the military.  :
> 
> Your 27,  in control of your life.
> 
> ...


+1


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## daftandbarmy (3 Jan 2007)

I don't recommend it, but you could do what one of my soldiers once did and send the family a photo of yourself on operations. At least he made sure that he was smiling in the photo so it didn't seem like he was having a hard time.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (3 Jan 2007)

Am I missing something? ???
Why would anyone be ashamed of joining?
Sending people photos is cowardly.
Tell them all, with your chest proudly stuck out, that you've joined and you're happy as hell about it (in my case "happy as heaven!")


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## daftandbarmy (3 Jan 2007)

Well, this guy was from a southern Irish family and he was with the Paras in South Armagh. So I guess they weren't too keen on him being there. His family basically disowned him. I hope that's not going to be an issue for Junior 17.


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## DeltaWhiskey (3 Jan 2007)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> _"But what about Afghanistan?" _
> 
> "Yeah that's the cool part. I get to go and help people who really need me on the other side of the world."



_Very_ well put.


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## gaspasser (3 Jan 2007)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> Um why would you want to soften the news??
> Are you proud of what you have done or not??
> If not it's time to submit your voluntary realease now before we spend any more money on your training.
> 
> ...



+1 Beautiful, Padre
junior17, are you embarrassed about joining up? I joined up when I was 21 and haven't looked back since.  My parents were a bit miffed at the time but it was MY decision to take the step from cadets, to reserves to the regs.  
Man up and tell 'em that you joined up.


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## George Wallace (3 Jan 2007)

Would it be impolite to ask if you have left Home yet?


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## Junior17 (3 Jan 2007)

Alright guys ... I think what I was looking for was how to deal with someone's negative reaction ... I am proud to be serving my country and helping people and I know that many people in my life will see it this way as well ... I actually told my ex wife tonight and she's all for it ... she told me that I'd kick myself if I don't go through with it ... that's the reaction I was looking for ... it's the 'oh god what have you done ... ?' reaction that I need to deal with ... Yes I am 27 years old and in full control of my life but it's those reactions that I don't need when I'm going to need all the support in the world to help me through some of the tough times ... 

Anyways .. thanks for the response ... I do appreciate it ...


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## IrishCanuck (4 Jan 2007)

TCBF said:
			
		

> Go on the offence: "How can you guys just sit here, eat bon-bons and watch Oprah all day when there is a country to be saved in Afghanistan?  Your forebears liberated Holland and you question ME?  You are worms!"
> 
> If they don't come around, no loss.  You will meet better people.
> 
> Tom



This strategy is the winner.  ;D


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## armyvern (4 Jan 2007)

BYT Driver said:
			
		

> junior17, are you embarrassed about joining up?



Slow down BYT and Padre,

I don't think junior insinuated anywhere that he was embarrased about joining the CF. He's obviously a big boy and managed to make this major life decision on his own. I think (and his posts confirm) that he is simply looking for a way to break the news to his mother in a kind and gentle manner, not because he fears she will not support or admire his decision, but because she is his mom.

Moms (and dads to) worry about their sons and daughters, it's what we do best.

I also suspect that he was seeking advice on dealing politely and appropraitely with those who either don't posess a full knowledge behind the reasons for our great Country being in Afghanistan, or would query his decision to join. Nothing shameful in that. It's a mark of professionalism, and maturity.


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## Yrys (4 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Nothing shameful in that. It's a mark of professionalism, and maturity.



+ 1

He seems to want to prepared himself for misinformed people.


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## aesop081 (4 Jan 2007)

"inform family" ????

Heck, i was 17 when i joined. Came home from the recruiting center with the parental consent form and told my mother " sign this "


 ;D


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## navymich (4 Jan 2007)

cdnaviator said:
			
		

> "inform family" ????
> 
> Heck, i was 17 when i joined. Came home from the recruiting center with the parental consent form and told my mother " sign this "



Similar to me.  Although I debated all the way home who to ask to sign, mom or dad!


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## Good2Golf (4 Jan 2007)

Heck, my mom got me an interview with DG Res & Cadets whom she knew, I think she wanted my application to have favourable references and get me out of the house!  ;D

G2G


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## IN HOC SIGNO (4 Jan 2007)

The Librarian said:
			
		

> Slow down BYT and Padre,
> 
> I don't think junior insinuated anywhere that he was embarrased about joining the CF. He's obviously a big boy and managed to make this major life decision on his own. I think (and his posts confirm) that he is simply looking for a way to break the news to his mother in a kind and gentle manner, not because he fears she will not support or admire his decision, but because she is his mom.
> 
> ...



I think my suggestions were polite and appropriate while showing that he was proud of his decision. 
I understand that Moms and Dads worry about their kids...I have two grown children myself. 
I detected a sense of embarrassment or indecision in his post. I suggested he show how determined and proud he is of this new career by presenting it as something he wants to do and is focussed on doing well. When ever my kids present things in that way I get behind them regardless of my misgivings...I might voice some concerns from time to time but I don't try to undermine them.

I get people in my office all the time asking me how to break news or manage tough conversations. My advice is always the same. Be honest...to the point...and don't beat around the bush. If you are not 100% convinced of the integrity of your decision or your facts then you need to do a little more soul searching and thinking before you have the conversation. Anticipate some of the concerns, arguments or objections and think out your responses. If you don't know the answer or are unsure during the conversation be honest about that and ask the person to let you think about it or get back to them. 
Don't let people guilt trip you or manipulate your emotions...this is your life.
I'm not suggesting people need to be belligerent or ignorant....you just have to let people know where you stand and why...not sure why that isn't kind or gentle.


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## sigtech (4 Jan 2007)

1) Good on ya for choosing to serve people with a want and need to serve there country are becoming few and far between  

2) As for negative reaction, well there is always going to be negative reaction hell my father a WWII vet gets worried when he hears I am volunteering for every TAT TAV or Tour that comes down the pipe and tries to convince me to stay at home. They are your family and friends, they are going to worry, and if they worry they are going to try and talk you out of what you are doing thus the negative points.  Roll with it for the most part most people have there harts in the correct place they just don't want to see you hurt. Use this point , I want to serve , I don't need to serve I *want* to serve, no matter their reaction if they care for you they will understand and except.

3) Refer to point 1 and 2


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## Bruce Monkhouse (4 Jan 2007)

cdnaviator said:
			
		

> "inform family" ????
> 
> Heck, i was 17 when i joined. Came home from the recruiting center with the parental consent form and told my mother " sign this "



Same age, but the 'wheel turn' was pretty much the opposite,  it was Mom, Dad and Probation  :-X
Officer  with the parental consent form handing it to me..... ;D


EDIT: and its too bad today with my Grade 9 education and my, errr, temporary personal problems, that I wouldn't even get a look. I gave the CF ten good years and it gave me much, much more......


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## GUNS (4 Jan 2007)

Junior17,

I gave my parents two applications in 1967, one was for the America Army and the other was for the Canadian Army. All I said was," sign one ". Was in Shilo that winter.

As someone mentioned, if you are true in your convictions, explaining will come easy. 

Your true sense of duty will provide all the answers.

All parents want whats best for their kids, even if they don't agree with it.

If you feel it needs to be done, then do it. You know the saying " S**t or get off the pot ".


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## beach_bum (4 Jan 2007)

Junior17,

I'm certain that you thought out your decision and have your own reasons for joining.  Obviously in your mind the pros outweighed the cons or you would have come to a different conclusion.  IF you run into family members who don't support your choice (they may all be behind you) just sit them down and calmly explain you own thought process for joining.  I'm sure that will be the most persuasive as it is your own thoughts rather than those of others.


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## military granny (4 Jan 2007)

Junior

I am a military mother, wait let me rephrase that I am a Proud Military Mother. My son was 17 when he came to me and said will you come to the recruiting office I need your signature on some papers. Did I worry about him? Hell yes and I still do but that is part of being a mother, would I have ever said no, not in his life time. We have family that thinks hes nuts for being in the army but he stands proud and tells them "this is my life and personally I love it, you don't have to agree with my choice but the biggest thing is it was my choice and the people who mean the most are standing behind me."

Junior, you will find some people who just don't have the understanding of what makes young men and women want to serve their country. You follow your heart and do what it is telling you to.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (4 Jan 2007)

You tell em Granny! Agreed 100%  ;D


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## daftandbarmy (4 Jan 2007)

+1 Granny!


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## Spooks (16 Jan 2007)

This may be reviving an old thread, but I will Rusk the ridicule.

I was being thrown many options of what to do with my life - acting, science, etc. I decided to go with the military for numerous reasons. I had many people express their concern for me, stating things along the lines of "it isn't Canadian to be in the Army", "you could die", "there are better jobs for you to attend". A background on my town is it's a tight town of 3k people. Highly pacifist as most of the town is filled with old draft dodgers and Dukhobors. 

The only party you need to concern yourself with "convicing" (and it won't take a lot of effort, just the truth) is your own family. They may resent the decision at first, but if you can show that with an unwavering resolve, you can be a man and make your own decisions, your family will respect you for that. If your friends get angry and hate you for your decision (a thought that has maybe crossed your mind), then think of it this way - they aren't real friends if they are not willing to support you. People that "don't want to lose you" despite your desire to join are being selfish. Point that out to them if need be.

Look at why you want to join (doing "your part", being part of a bigger thing, heck even job security) and then what people may or may not throw at you as reasons not to join (you will die, dead end job with no skillful future, etc) and compare. If your list comes out bigger (and I will bet my two rubles that it will) then that will be your way to go.

Don't let your resolve change throughout your initial training though. It will get tough. There will be a lot of pain, sweat, blood, and tears, but keep your resolve. Nothing boosts their side of the argument when you call from training school complaining about life in the army. You will just set yourself up with counter-lines like "I told you so" and "What'd I tell you?".

The part you will have to do a gut check for is if your are ever wounded, will your resolve stay or change. That's what I have and I have had a year of "this is your second chance...", "we don't want to see you hurt again.." and all I can say is that those lines have a whole lot more substance than the ones you get when you join up.

In conclusion, you are your own man - do what you may and the people who really support you will follow. Make good with your family because you will definitely complain to them at least once throughout your first contract. Finally, always remind yourself what were the initial reasons for joining in the first place.


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## AMcLeod (16 Jan 2007)

I told my family back at Thanksgiving and my extended family over Christmas that i was joining the CF. The most popular response was " Wow, cool", but i did have a few negative comments along the lines of. 
"Do you have a death wish" that came from my wife, others were "you could go back to school. Learn a trade." My responce to that was i will be learning a trade and defending my country  as well as all others who need help.  " I go to fight for those who can't fight for themselves"


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## Spooks (16 Jan 2007)

To negative comments, there is one question you can always state right back. It all depends on your own situation or what trade you're going into, but I find that this works in my case:

"What have you accomplished in your life?"​
Out of all the examples they give you (if any), see if there are any pertaining to their job. Hopefully none come up aside from the "I have a loving family" and such. Retort with:

"Being in a civilian job doesn't seem to increase your chance for accomplishment."​
I've only been in three years+, and already I have visitted 4 non-North American countries, helped a government stabilize the country, been the first "Canadian" person some people have ever met in their life, and chose to go over there so you (the people complaining) didn't need to. I consider those to be good accomplishments.

You don't need a trade, you don't need a "deft wish", but you should be happy with what you do in life.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (16 Jan 2007)

I agree with everything you say....how many of your buds who didn't join have accomplished what you did in the last three years?
I remember my boss's reaction 30 years ago when I told him I wanted to join...I thought he'd fire me on the spot....he said "that is so cool, I always wanted to and never did, I've regreted it all my life. I'm so happy for you."
Family were cool with it....but then they went through the blitz in London and knew that military service was a good and honourable thing.


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## Junior17 (16 Jan 2007)

Exactly Spooks ... I totally agree ... so far I've had really good reactions.  Only one person brought up Afghanistan ... and ... when I told my brother .. he went out and talked to a recruiter ... so ... +2 for the CF I guess ...


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## daftandbarmy (16 Jan 2007)

Bravo....

"Every man thinks meanly of himself for not having been a soldier, or not having been at sea." 

Samuel Johnson
English critic, biographer, essayist, poet and lexicographer, 1709-1784


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## geo (16 Jan 2007)

Have told many people that they will take their 1st real decisions while in the army.

it might be " this isn't for Me" BUT,  It's their 1st real decision as an adult.
(and don't let the door hit ya in the ass as you leave )


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## AMcLeod (16 Jan 2007)

"deft wish"  ................oops
i meant death wish


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## Spooks (17 Jan 2007)

AMcLeod said:
			
		

> "deft wish"  ................oops
> i meant death wish



No worries here. I got the point of the post - just had to use it as an example


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## beach_bum (17 Jan 2007)

You told your wife AFTER you joined?


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## AMcLeod (17 Jan 2007)

we had a discusion about it a year or two ago and she stopped me from joining, but i wasn't going to let her stop me this time
 >

i also asked her what she thought before i started my application she said she didn't like the idea because that is the atmosphere she grew up in, so i filled it out while she was asleep


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## daftandbarmy (17 Jan 2007)

I am unworthy. Fetch this man a VC.


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## AMcLeod (17 Jan 2007)

Her father thinksthat it should be mandatory for everyone to serve in the military  

he's a retired MP


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## beach_bum (17 Jan 2007)

daftandbarmy said:
			
		

> I am unworthy. Fetch this man a VC.



Or a good divorce lawyer.


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## geo (17 Jan 2007)

Get her dad to straighten her out............


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