# Four things you dont want to hear...



## Sh0rtbUs (30 Jun 2004)

I swiped this off a british Army forum. It relates to them, but it seems to apply here in canada as well.. ;D

1. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me Sir....

2. A Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience...

3. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking....

4. A Warrant Office saying, "Watch this ****....


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## Spr.Earl (4 Jul 2004)

Yup it work's on our side to LOL


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## Armymedic (4 Jul 2004)

I'll at two more..

1. A Pte saying "I know exactly how to do that",  :
2. Your CO saying "these next couple days will be challenging in a way you've never experienced before."


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## Michael Dorosh (4 Jul 2004)

Armymedic said:
			
		

> I'll at two more..
> 
> 1. A Pte saying "I know exactly how to do that",  :



And the last half of the sentence "...because they showed us how in Army Cadets."


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## jswift872 (4 Jul 2004)

there is this guy in my bmq who after a lecture from our warrant officer said "warrant i have something i can add to that"


well, didn't warrant fly into him..lol


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## NavyGrunt (4 Jul 2004)

That reminds me-

There was this one SGT in my BMQ who kept being called MCPL and it was driving him crazy. He was a serious dude and didnt joke much. 

When it came time to teach us the ranks he was going over it and the 3 chevrons came up. His eyes widened and he cracked a smile, he turned to us and said jokingly "who knows what the fuck rank this is". Everyone chuckled and I put my hand up.

"Go ahead Ropetech"

"Thats easy", I replied " Thats obviously a SGT, everyone knows that MCPL"

I think fire almost shot out of his ass. He called "Gas,Gas,Gas" every 30 seconds for the next 10 weeks and I was always doing pushups. However it was worth it because the standards PO at the back burst out laughing and then so did the rest of the class.


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## Sundborg (4 Jul 2004)

lmao    ;D   That's funny!


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## Long in the tooth (5 Jul 2004)

I'd like to add the obvious -

"I'm from HQ/Div/Bde and I'm here to help you"!


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## 291er (5 Jul 2004)

A Pte saying "I learned this in basic......."


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## CDNsig (5 Jul 2004)

My favourites from the senior leadership... :

"we have to think outside the box..."
"this will improve overall quality of life in the CF..."
"do more with less..."
"ASD will cost less and be more efficient..."
"the Forces are overstretched and can't do any more deployments for ----- months/years..."
(in other words, pack, we are going on another UN mission... ;D)


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## Eric5 (5 Jul 2004)

RopeTech said:
			
		

> " Thats obviously a SGT, everyone knows that MCPL"



LOL So funny.  I hope I'm able to keep my mouth shut during basic this summer. I usually tend to have alot of smart *** comments that get me in trouble.


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## Sundborg (5 Jul 2004)

We had this one guy on our platoon who failed the inspections part of the course; hence, he was sent to PAT.  Anyways, on PAT, one day he couldn't find his Combat Jacket, so he manages to find his MCpls jacket and takes it.  Later on, the MCpl reported the jacket stolen and the MP's were all into the investigation.  The MP's finally came up to this guy and found out he had the jacket, still with the shoulder flahses on, after the MCpl was looking high and low for it.  So the MP's asked him why he had his, and all he could say was "Well...  I couldn't find mine"   :  lol

So from then on everytime we saw the guy we called him Mcpl.


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## ags281 (5 Jul 2004)

Sundborg said:
			
		

> all he could say was "Well...   I couldn't find mine"





I'm speechless.


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## Rick Goebel (5 Jul 2004)

And a thing you don't want to see.

I was the last one to leave the mess some years ago and the only parka left had 2Lt slipons on it.  This wasn't too bad for me but it must have been a shock for the 2Lt when he got home and saw LCol slipons on "his" parka.

I got it back the next week with a bottle of Scotch in the pocket.


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## Bruce Monkhouse (5 Jul 2004)

Thats not bad Rick, maybe it was the same 2Lt who "forgot" the layout and got my gasmask and since I was the radop in the CP [therefore last out] I had to grab the only one left...just a size or two too small for this melon.
No scotch but a free ride with the medic to clean air!


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## Drummie (5 Jul 2004)

Michael Dorosh said:
			
		

> Armymedic said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Hey hey!  "mess with cadets, die like the rest"...or something like that. 

Anywho, If it was anything other then drill, I would concur, but drill......we rule all  ;D
Acer Acerpori


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## Gunnerlove (7 Jul 2004)

I am far past being sick of hearing,

"We have the finest kit in the world"


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## Pugnacious (7 Jul 2004)

"Anywho, If it was anything other then drill, I would concur, but drill......we rule all"

That's because that is all there is to do in Cadets...that, and tie knots...well 3 knots over and over again.

Way back when I was in the Navy Cadets (big mistake) I remember... 
Having mismatched drumsticks. 
Par for the course as I had no drum to use. 
Having to share the same piece of practice wood with its little leather square to play on.
A CO that ALLWAYS smelled of Booze.
Being bullied, and run over by the regular forces at Rememberance day marches.
And cont' and never ending 'duck walks' , and marches up and down the stupid hall.

Bonus was after 2 years of marching, and learning more in our off time in Cub Scouts our 'big day' was watching a stupid fishing boat launch.   Wooo hooo!

Mean while next door the Army Cadets got to go all sorts of cool places, and do some neat stuff.
A real nice taste for how things are in the Navy side of the CF.

Sorry to digress...I need the therapy.  ;D

Cheers!
P.


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## OLD SCHOOL (8 Jul 2004)

In the early days in Cornwallis...
Co's inspection and he asked me why I thought I was going to join 'his' infantry regiment if I lived.
I considered for a moment and then made the RSM drop his jaw when I replied to the CO who came up to my chin...
"well sir, I obviously made the height rquirement so I know I'm in!"   ;D


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## Marauder (8 Jul 2004)

"This next ex will be MUCH better than the last few"
"You'll get these pants back in about two weeks"
"Everyone who wants it will get summer employment"
"You'll have plenty of ammo"
"The forecast says clear and sunny all weekend"
"That'll be cleared from your charge card since we screwed it up"


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## sirmckinnon (8 Jul 2004)

cornwallis eh? when i was on course there, (sea cadets, and i doo agree about the drill and knots)i watched t he old pool and gym building catch on fire and it was burnt to the ground in less than 6 min. that was the largest fastest fire ever!!      
  P.S.- cornwallis is a death trap!!
 P.P.S - you will be dissapointed to learn that the confidence course down by the watter is gonzo.... they tore it down cuz too many cadets hurt themselves on it, surprize eh?


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## Sundborg (8 Jul 2004)

"Hurry!!  Move move move!!  ....   ok, now just wait here for a little while."


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## Figure11 (13 Jul 2004)

The platoon officer saying to the plt. Sgt. " No Sgt,   the objective is over that way."

The platoon commander saying to the platoon" This is going to be quite good fun!"

The RSM shouting "JUST WAIT TIL I GET YOU ON THE DRILL SQUARE!"

The biggest ugliest and downright nastiest regimental police Sgt. in the entire universe   smiling satanically and crooking his finger at you as he invites you to "Come inside my guardroom lad...."


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## combat_medic (13 Jul 2004)

The OC to the company; "We're moving in to a very exciting and challenging training year ahead."
Any fresh new officer; "We're going for a little run/walk/march..."

And remember, there's nothing more dangerous than a Pte with a rifle or a 2Lt with a map.


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## RCA (13 Jul 2004)

As you you step into the RSM's office, he tells you to "close the door"  (and he doesn't ask you to to take a seat)

A FOO saying "Oops"

Your Det 2ic saying " I thought that was Charge 3"

Your LSVW "waiting parts"


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## Danjanou (13 Jul 2004)

The RSM telling you the CO want's a word with you, and to bring two friends, but not your hat.


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## Scott (13 Jul 2004)

A story not a quote. During my Basic I was in a room (Gagetown M lines) with an Egyptian/Newfoundlander. You have got to know how much he was razzed by the staff! Anyway, he was loved/revered/hated by the staff, I think he was loved more than all though because he had a certain innocence about him. Anyway, we were down in Aldershot to throw grenades as the range in Gagetown was apparently broken during the spring of '97. So, on Saturday night we were allowed to walk around the camp in Aldershot and have a few drinks at the Jr Ranks. He was caught WALKING across the Parade Square while SMOKING. The Sergeant FLIPPED.

He asked him what the though he had been doing in a way only a sergeant can and he replied that he did not know it was a parade square but had thought it was a basketball court. The sergeant was flabbergasted. He stood him up and wrote him a chit for being stupid. He said it was the first time he had ever written one because he just did not know what else he could put on the chit.

In his defence, he was a dedicated troop and he was loved by all even though his inability to keep a straight face during inspection often had us doing push-ups with gas masks on.

Cheers!


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## Sundborg (13 Jul 2004)

There's always 1 out of the bunch that stands out.  ;D


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## Long in the tooth (19 Oct 2004)

Actually had a range officer for the 60 mm order "Charge 4!.... (boom).... I meant 1!"

When you're 10 seconds late for the QMSIs parade he grins at you and says "I'll tell you the number later".

Both true.


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## PPCLI Guy (19 Oct 2004)

A CO who, on taking command, says "Just give me two hard years boys".


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## Leviathan (19 Oct 2004)

Sundborg said:
			
		

> There's always 1 out of the bunch that stands out.   ;D



Oh great...
Why am I suddenly so scared for my turn at basic? :-\


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## SeaKingTacco (19 Oct 2004)

Another thing you don't want to hear:

While on my FOO course in Gagetown (1992), we were dismounted in Lawfield impact area.   It was my turn to call in a laser (adjusted) fire mission. The guns were at airstrip 3 firing towards our OP. To save bullets, the gunline would only fire two guns during FFE.   The first round impacted about 50 m from the tgt, about 1500m out in front of us.   As I was waiting for the second round to impact, the hair on my necj stood up, I suddenly felt very sick to my stomach and then heard that oh so distinctive "freight-train" sound of a 105mm howitzer round.   Stupid me, I stayed standing and WATCHED the round pass just left and above the OP and ithen mpact 75m behind us.   It is defies belief, but the VT fuze failed completely and the round dudded.   True story.   I never want to hear the sound of incoming rounds ever again! (outgoing, however, I like!)


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## Doug VT (20 Oct 2004)

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned this one yet...."You're on your own time now"

From an MOI...."That should work...does that look ok to you?"

Or for those who might be from 3RCR...."We're going to be busy for the next year" (when will we stop hearing this, it's not even a suprise anymore!)


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## PPCLI Guy (20 Oct 2004)

Hey...has anyone seen my weapon?


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## qor556 (20 Oct 2004)

PPCLI Guy said:
			
		

> Hey...has anyone seen my weapon?



Yea heard that before. I just cant forget the time i found a rifle in the laundry room on course. Needless to say the owner, not even knowing it was missing, was very happy that I was the one who found it and not the duty officer.


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## Scott (20 Oct 2004)

Where's the bolt to that C-9?

Heard Friday night before our first weekend off on QL2, scary night.....


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## aesop081 (20 Oct 2004)

Here's a good one:

Two griffon pilots after the aircraft shakes violently look at each other and they both say "was that you ???"


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## Crazy_Eyes (20 Oct 2004)

another one:

Is it supposed to do that?


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## stukirkpatrick (20 Oct 2004)

Coming from a port security/FIBUA exercise from last weekend, whilst on an OP on Lake Superior.

"The boat will be there in half an hour" ...

 :blotto:


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## JasonH (20 Oct 2004)

Ahaha these are awesome


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## pegged (20 Oct 2004)

It was our BMQ field ex and we were learning about blanks, safety with them, using the BFA properly, etc. The Sgt. came over to our gaggle formation and asked who wanted to fire blanks. 6-7 hands shot up, I was very reluctant, as we all know any time you're asked to do something fun, it's either cleaning or pushups. So picks 2 guys, and takes their rifles away. He comes back with BFA's on both rifles and 2 mags with 15 rounds each. The rest of us are all swearing at them, and such.

Time comes, we had thrown a few T-Flashes and stuff. The Sgt. says, "Hand me your rifles, you didn't actually think you'd get to fire blanks did you? Have fun cleaning your rifles on Sunday"


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## combat_medic (20 Oct 2004)

Some quotes I've actually heard:

From a medic Sgt teaching Anatomy and Physiology "How do you pronounce that word?" 

On a live fire range... 
troop: "Um, Sir, the numbers on the C6 barrels don't match up to the guns."
Sir: "That's alright, I'm sure they'll be just fine."
(I seem to recall someone pulling him aside later and explaining the concept of headspace and timing)


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## aesop081 (21 Oct 2004)

My favorite ......here at CFANS anyways.......

"trust me , the test is multiple-choice"


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## Bograt (21 Oct 2004)

My father has reached that age where....... well lets just say fibre is a more important component of his diet.

At a recent medical he heard.

"Lt. Col XXXXX, please undo your pants and bend over."


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## PeAcH (21 Oct 2004)

"hurry up and wait" i hear it quite a bit


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## foerestedwarrior (21 Oct 2004)

A 2Lt- "dammit, just let me navigate, im sure i know how."

A RSO-(pistol range at 15m) "with a 8 round magazine reload, making sure the weapon is on safe, turn around and walk back to the 25m point." There was alot of screaming by the ARSO's for us not to move, and explaining to the RSO what he is doing. The last I heard, he isnt alowed to be an RSO anymore.

I was on a C7 range and this is what i heard, "make sure you rifles are pointed down range, directly, not on an angle across the range. Sir I mean you(talking to a CSM). SIR POINT YOUR RIFLE DOWN RANGE!" 
the CSM- "Sgt. I have been in the army longer than you, I know what i am doing."
Sgt.-"Sir this is your last warning, keep control of your rifle or you are off MY range." no action by the CSM, Sgt. walks up and takes the rifle from the CSM clears it and kicks the CSM off the range. 
Aftermath- the CSM tried to charge the Sgt. for inaproriate conduct, and assault(by forcefully taking the rifle). Oh and this CSM is an OPP officer.


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## Danjanou (21 Oct 2004)

foerestedwarrior said:
			
		

> I was on a C7 range and this is what i heard, "make sure you rifles are pointed down range, directly, not on an angle across the range. Sir I mean you(talking to a CSM). SIR POINT YOUR RIFLE DOWN RANGE!"
> the CSM- "Sgt. I have been in the army longer than you, I know what i am doing."
> Sgt.-"Sir this is your last warning, keep control of your rifle or you are off MY range." no action by the CSM, Sgt. walks up and takes the rifle from the CSM clears it and kicks the CSM off the range.
> Aftermath- the CSM tried to charge the Sgt. for inaproriate conduct, and assault(by forcefully taking the rifle). Oh and this CSM is an OPP officer.



Good for that Sgt, as for the CSM, word fail me.

We try, oh Lord we try, but every now and then one slips through. : :'(


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## aesop081 (21 Oct 2004)

When i was a combat engineer in 2 CER, i hate hearing the sqn OC say :

"Its friday troops, i'm gonna get you out of here early !!"


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## dutchie (21 Oct 2004)

"Last man to the front!"
"I believe you dropped your firing pin/BFA/etc because you lack upper body strength. Therefore, you will hold your weapon out like this (demonstrates straight arm) for X mins." 
"It's only a short tab. I looked at the ground on the map."
"Don't bother with goretex socks, where we are going they won't do you any good."


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## NavyGrunt (21 Oct 2004)

aesop081 said:
			
		

> When i was a combat engineer in 2 CER, i hate hearing the sqn OC say :
> 
> "Its friday troops, i'm gonna get you out of here early !!"



I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT ONE....I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

Not only will you never get out early that damn sentance means you will get out late. And its usually after you've spent 3 days fucking the dog between 2-3pm. You know damn well if you had done work between those hours you would get out early. Almost like-

"What do you guys say- if we work through lunch we will get out early". Then the same people everytime agree to it and you never do get out early....


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## q_1966 (22 Oct 2004)

lol, ill add one, A reg force Cpl., and being assistant range staff, screaming at the top of his lungs and messing up the range safety decleration.


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## bossi (22 Oct 2004)

"I lost your promotion papers in an airport limousine."
(true story)


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## aesop081 (23 Oct 2004)

How about this :

You are looking for information and ask your sgt,

he replies "It's on the DIN......look it up !"

I dont know about anybody else but i can never find anything on the DIN.

Why dont you just tell me that you have no idea what the answer to my question is !!


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## Danjanou (23 Oct 2004)

"Grab two of your buddies the RSM and CO want to see you. Leave your beret there, you won't need it"


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