# 2 yrs and still I can see it all



## HItorMiss (3 Sep 2008)

So I thought I would put this in History because well it's 2 yrs ago and thus well History....

2 years ago today in the fields of Panjawi Charles Coy did something worthy of the history books, it made a blind charge (ordered to against both their CO's and OC's Objections) into an enemy stronghold Known as White School. On that day parts of me died hell I would argue that on that day parts of everyone there died. I know I have never been the same since. Everyday from that day on has been a battle, a fight.  

At 0500hrs we went across and we knew deep in hearts that things were going to be sticky and then after we breached a wadi and started our advance there was a BOOM! that boom was the sound of an RPG hitting the windshield of a GWagon and killing on my mentors one of the guys who I looked at as being invincible, WO Nolan was killed taken from his Pl the man, the soldier was adored by his P and it shook them all up. not a minute later there was a bigger explosion and that is when Sgt Stachnik was killed by an anti tank gun (that gun would soon become my problem) We were surrounded on 3 sides 2pls and an HQ group with some ANA were pinned down and fighting for our lives. That day we all were hero's not a man on that battle field failed to do his job and then some. I spent the majority of that battle exposed to fire because well simply it had to be done I did some things some say brave I say just doing my job or doing what others couldn't because they had bigger worries. I ended up wounded myself, I lost my left tricep blown off by said anti tank gun and then a bullet, I also ate some metal in my left leg. 

Not a day has gone by that I can't see everything crystal clear like I was there. I can hear the sound of the incoming RPG's and rounds, our out going fire and the 3 boom boom boom's of our LAV cannons firing. I can see the blood on my hands from others and then from myself when I had to tend my own wounds before getting to cover to talk a very brave guy thru dressing them properly. I can hear a scream, might have been my own I know I screamed when I told them to tourniquet my leg I screamed till I was horse, or at least I was horse when I woke up after surgery. I know others were screaming both in pain and commands so maybe there my memory is faulty. I can smell my blood the tangy scent of half cooked blood and flesh again my own and others I had worked on. What I remember most and what will always kill me inside is that I blame myself for 2 people who didn't come home that day rightly or wrongly my actions caused 2 soldiers to never see their families again. Some call it the burden of command the fact that decisions you make or orders you give may lead to soldiers dieing. I know this first hand and somedays I think maybe it's a burden best left to others. I learned one valued military lesson on leadership that day... You can make every right tactical decision and yet still have a negative outcome. I try to pass it on to those soldiers I train or train with but I know they wont get it for real until they have it happen to them and I pray it never does.

So 2 years and everyday since has been a fight a fight against my body pushing it to it's limits to get back in theater, Fighting my mind to get back on the horse and be able to do my job. And finally fighting my logical and emotional mind over a conflicting point of view...There has been one shining light in all that though I met a very special person a person who would go out of their way to make sure I knew I was OK that I could still do what I do and then after I got better ( as it were) supported me when I went for something even more challenging she has been a constant rock forall my troubles and for that I will be grateful until the day I die.

a few weeks ago a new battle started for me VAC made a decision in my disability award, suffice it to say it was unacceptable and so now I am not only fighting my countries enemies and my own body I now fight my own governments bureaucracy to get what my left arm and leg and the fact they will never work the way they should for the rest of life are worth.

Rick, Shane, Frank and Will I wont ever forget you and I will carry you with me in my heart forever.

Rick and Frank my Mentors ( My Recce GODS) You taught me everything I needed to know to be a soldier your skills and wisdom still echo in my ears, and are what carried me thru so many trials since that day. Your passing taught me leadership and I wont forget that lesson ever

Will You had potential far above what you knew and I am sorry it never grew to fruition, I will always remember you smile when I asked if you were good to go right before the explosion, I'm sorry I didn't site my CCP better...I'll work harder next time

Shane You died being a Leader head up identifying the enemy and commanding your section, I saved your Crew Commander he made it out ok...

MediPea your strength, your will, your compassion carried me through even the darkest days and then the most challenging thing I have ever completed in my career and my life. I never would have come near as far as I have without you. I can't imagine life without you in my corner being the pillar of strength you are. You are so much more then you ever give yourself credit for and I will always be there to remind of that fact.

To those of you who knew me back then and supported me I thank you and promise to keep soldiering as long as I can and to make good on all of your faith.


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## aesop081 (3 Sep 2008)

BM,

Shane was my friend, And i served with Frank years ago in another far away land. That day is one i will not forget either, even though i was not there.

Keep up the good fight buddy.


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## Eye In The Sky (3 Sep 2008)

BM,

It seems like yesterday that I heard  you got hit.

Thanks for all you've done, and continue to do.


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## Sig_Des (3 Sep 2008)

Hey Brother,

It's hard to believe it's been 2 years. Hell of a B-day present you gave me, and from then on out, every year I'll be remembering exactly where I was when it happened, and I'll always remember how I got the news.

And then the next few weeks, the hospital. Showing up, being relieved when they said you wanted to see me, being nervous walking in, and then laughing when you started cracking jokes. You-know-who rolling around in his wheelchair, ranting about not wanting to work in the kit shop. And when, even in your drug-induced haze, you were trying to protect me, and scaring the nurse when you started ranting about Val  ;D

Fast forward to sitting in your basement, getting your kit ready for you going back. And then the next morning, waking up hung-over, worried about having missed my ride home, and you standing there in uniform, telling me they messed up the date, and you're leaving in 3 hours, so I have to help. And the back-up I'd have if I did end up getting charged 

I was pretty damned proud of you then, and I'm even prouder of what you've done since then.

I know it doesn't need saying, Brother, but whatever you need; anything, anytime, anyplace.


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## GAP (3 Sep 2008)




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## 1feral1 (3 Sep 2008)

BM, that was truly a powerful post. I apprecaite your trust in sharing such private thoughts.

We all have our demons to taunt us for the rest of our lives from our experiences. Like most Vets, I still have issues (mainly anxiety and depression based), but my problems are so incredibly miniscule compared to yours and others I know personally who's lives have been forever changed by their tours.

You are never alone. Remember that.

United we stand.

No matter what, keep the faith. 

OWDU.


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## Mike Baker (4 Sep 2008)

BM, that is a very hard hitting post.

There isn't much to say, execpt thank you, and like OWDU said, you are never alone.


RIP Rick, Shane, Frank and Will.



-Deadpan


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## Bruce Monkhouse (4 Sep 2008)

I was downstairs painting the bathroom and couldn't get this post out of my mind.

BM, even though we have had our differences, they take nothing away from the fact that not only did you get back on the horse, you took it out for a spin and made it compete again.

I commend you................


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## The Bread Guy (4 Sep 2008)

Thanks for sharing that, and take care of yourself.


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## Haggis (4 Sep 2008)

Great post, Bullet Magnet!

Our mutual friend (who we both respect and miss) would be proud of you.


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## brihard (4 Sep 2008)

BM,

Great post, thanks for that. Those of us who weren't there will never be able to really understand, but for a few minutes there you did help me grasp maybe just a bit better what a few of my buddies have been through.

It sucks to hear you're getting jerked around by VAC. Keep fighting the fight, you've got a lot of people behind you on this.

Best of luck.


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## GAP (4 Sep 2008)

BM.....30+ years later I can still put myself back in similar situations, and like you I can remember and feel everything all over again....the memories have gone from troublesome to friends....they now allow me to remember some good times and some scary times, but at all times I was surrounded by friends, and I made it, as did a lot of them

....you have and will also.....

Luck


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## RHFC_piper (4 Sep 2008)

BM,

I know how you feel, Brother.   I thought about Pashmul and Op Medusa all day yesterday... Couldn't stop thinking about the guys we lost that day either, which made it hard to get through college lectures.
But, Like I said; I know how you feel...  I can still hear the sounds and see it all when I close my eyes.   That was a hard day. 

And 2 years ago today, we lost Mark Graham and 38 of us picked up some extra metal.   Rough couple of days.



And I even remember sharing a room with you in Germany...  I don't remember much of Germany besides that... but I distinctly remember you barely being in the room.  You were always down the hall in the computer room. 


Good write up.   Good luck with VAC, I'm still waiting.


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## HItorMiss (4 Sep 2008)

Actualy I was mostly with the OC and walking around to spite the doctors and their you shouldn't be walking orders....

But I digress


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## RHFC_piper (4 Sep 2008)

BulletMagnet said:
			
		

> Actualy I was mostly with the OC and walking around to spite the doctors and their you shouldn't be walking orders....
> 
> But I digress



Heh... well.. Like I said, I don't remember much of Germany.   

I remember the US ambassadors wife and a 4 star general dropping by to give us coins... and I remember interesting German TV (softcore midday adult soap operas).  And I kinda remember some very attractive US army nurses loading me up with Morphine.   

Oh.. and I seem to recall some of my Birthday in the hospital...  Locally brewed beer and Black Forest Cake...  I was fighting the fentanyl spins and trying to hold down the beer avec cake.

Heh... this is the crap I'll be telling my grandchildren.


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## Fusaki (4 Sep 2008)

BM

I dunno if you you knew this, but it was my LAV that brought you back to the CCP. You were in some rough shape, dude. I could hear you in the back and I remember thinking "Jesus Christ. This shit is REAL." It was in stark contrast to the insulation and detachment I had been feeling in the turret up to that point - mechanical distance through thermal imagery.

Looking back, its easy to point out mistakes that were made. I made my fair share. Overall though, the Company and Battlegroup performed well, despite the fact that we were dealt a shitty hand. No one went down without a fight, and I'll drink to that.

Pro Patria


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## axeman (4 Sep 2008)

yup ive been there ,its been 13+ yrs and i still think about that car smashing into the side of my M113 and having the 50 cal smash my tooth out. the driver staggers out and tries to grab his AK. until he realizes im trying to focus, spit blood and teeth out , and aim the MA DEUCE at him. im cruising down the road and bam there i am . im sure it happens to others but not as spectaucurally as you . best of luck


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