# Military and family life



## Bobby147 (6 Jul 2006)

Hi there,

I am an applicant for Canadian Forces. My application process is going on. My first preference is Navy.

I met a person from Army (who served in Afghanistan for a few months). After some discussion, he told me that people working in Navy stay outside home for about 7-8 months in a years....  sometimes they are out for whole year.

Presently, I am single, but I have plans to get married next year.

I am looking for feedback from people who are in Canadian Forces about their experience about family life and service.....

Thanks in advance,

Bobby


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## paracowboy (6 Jul 2006)

Bobby147 said:
			
		

> I am looking for feedback from people who are in Canadian Forces about their experience about family life and service.....


from people in the CF as a whole, or people in the Navy in particular? You state you're interested in going Navy, so asking a Rad Op about his time in 1 CMBG isn't going to help. Or an Artilleryman in Shilo.

Are you asking because you want to find a trade that doesn't deploy often, or are you seeking clarification on the Navy's time onboard ships? I would think, even then, that you might want to narrow down that a bit, by selecting a particular trade or two.

Narrowing the parameters of your question will yield more accurate results.


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## Bobby147 (6 Jul 2006)

I have given first preference to 1. Navy (Naval Combat Systems Engg.)  then  2. CELE (Air)  and 3. Signal Officer (Army)....


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## Springroll (6 Jul 2006)

Well, from my experience as a Navy Wife, it hasn't been that bad. 
Hubby has never been gone more than 7 months, and that was actually for his QL5 course.

In the beginning, like for me, we are looking at approx 41 weeks of me being gone from the house, but that is my basic, my QL3's training, and my NETP. That extended period of time is expected because it is all my training that I require before even getting onto a ship. 

I wish you the best of luck.


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## Bobby147 (6 Jul 2006)

Thank you Springroll....  

Your reply is encouraging....  I do not mind going out for a few months...  but family life is also important for me....

Bobby


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## Roy Harding (6 Jul 2006)

Bobby147 said:
			
		

> Hi there,
> 
> I am an applicant for Canadian Forces. My application process is going on. My first preference is Navy.
> 
> ...



Bobby:

In a couple of weeks I will have been married for 26 years.  For 22 of those years I was in the CF (mostly Army - I was a "purple" trade). and my wife was in for 14 years. 

During that time we raised three sons, I did a total of seven tours to various places - none of those tours were shorter than seven months, the first one unexpectedly turned into a year long posting, with no Family Reunion Travel or other benefits.  The last one also didn't include Family Reunion Travel or opportunity for leave of any kind.

Aside from operations, I was often away on exercises (anyone remember three month long RV's in the early '80s??), courses, and taskings.  I once tried to figure out my total time away during our marriage - but gave it up as a lost cause.

Now, 26 years after being married, my wife and I are still madly in love with each other, we've given three fine citizens to the country, we're proud of what we've accomplished in life so far, and are enthusiastically looking forward to the "second half" of our lives.

Do we have regrets?  Absolutely.  Do we wish some things had turned out differently??  You bet.  Are those regrets and wishes overwhelming?  Absolutely not.

Forgive me for stating what may be obvious to you.  No matter your lifestyle, that lifestyle will become your "new normal" - you will overcome any hurdles and challenges that may arise, and, given the expectation of same, you will find joy in the many pleasant small things that make up family life - no matter you are a soldier, sailor, airman, postman, accountant, lawyer, janitor, or any other occupation you may want to name.

The difference, I believe, between "service occupations" (by that I mean military, police, firefighters, medical professionals, amongst others) is that your occupation becomes your identity.  I do believe one of my COs wife said it best in an interview with the press.  She said (paraphrasing on my part) "You have to understand, soldiering is not what these people do, it's what they ARE."

Once again, having pointed out the difference in lifestyles, I take pains to remind you of what I said two paragraphs ago.  No matter your lifestyle - THAT will become your "new normal".  If your relationship is strong, it will become stronger over time, if it is weak, it will become weaker over time.  I believe that service in the CF or other "service occupation" accelerates those processes - but one of them occurs to all relationships no matter the lifestyle involved.

If you're looking for a guarantee of a gentile family life, being home for ALL the birthdays, Christmas concerts, graduations, anniversaries, etcetera, you won't find it here.

In fact, I'm sure that for every happy story such as mine, you will find a couple of not so happy ones - there are a few on these forums who refer to "training wives" and unhappy relationships.

I can say this - if you are proud of what you are, what you do, and why you do it, you stand a better chance of being a happy individual.  Happy individuals tend to make better mates for their spouses, and parents for their children.

Is your relationship strong or weak?  I dunno.  Roll the dice, son - we all did.

Good luck to you.

Roy Harding


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## acclenticularis (6 Jul 2006)

I agree with Mr. Harding.  In my first incarnation in the CF, I went on 4 tours and was away much of the remaining time on excercises.  The marital relationship is strong enough that my wife allowed me to return to continue my work on the second half of my military career.  Having lived it and seen the relatively placid existence away from the military, the military life is still what my family and I prefer.  As long as the relationship is strong, everyone agrees that the life in uniform is best, and you do what you love, then all should be fine.  At least it is for us and many of our friends.  Good luck.


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## mechanic_chick (8 Aug 2006)

Mr. Harding , after reading your post it has calmed my nerves about being in a relationship with both members in the Military. I had doubts , thinking it would not be easy at all , for me and my Boyfriends trades are very , very opposite. Your post was real and not sugar coated. It definitely helps alot though.

Thanks  

JESSO


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## therev (9 Aug 2006)

Mr. Harding,  Thanks for the words of wisdom, very well said. The past two weeks the chaplains office has been seeing a lot of folks who are finding the struggle between work and home hard, as deployment looms.  Your words hit home so much that I am keeping a copy of your "letter" to hand out to young seamen and women to think upon.  Thanks!


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## Glourung (26 Aug 2006)

One thing that is very important from my perspective is to make sure that you can handle being on a boat that long. I was going to go Nisop,decided befor i signed up i should try being on a boat for a few days, after i week of constantly being on a boat( very large cabin cruiser) i was almost insane, and that was in a large boat with tons of room to spare! I would check into any job and try and see if you like it befor you sign up for anything.

  Yet either way i do wish you the best of luck in what ever road you choose, it is deffinately worth it


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## Ex-Dragoon (27 Aug 2006)

1) You cannot compare a sailing experience between a cabin cruiser and a warship, they are two totally different entities. There is a big difference between 40 ft and 400+ ft.
2) I guarantee the recreational faciltiies are totally different and better on a warship and and auxillary.
3) Its NESOP not nisop.
4) This is your freebie for speaking out of your lane; happens again and you get introduced to the warning system. Capice?


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## rmacqueen (27 Aug 2006)

Roy Harding said:
			
		

> (anyone remember three month long RV's in the early '80s??)



Boy, do I ever.  RV85 - went out advance party and came back rear party- but just to illustrate how you just never know what will happen, half way through my wife was flown out by DND as a reporter for a local paper so I got to visit her.

One thing you can never plan on with a military career is the future.  As a sailor you could be deployed for months on a ship but then your ship could go into refit for a year or more.  When the HMCS Yukon was decommissioned the crew was without a ship for an extended period (I think it was close to 2 years) waiting for one of the new CPF's.

Strength of relationship definitely makes a difference.  I have been married for 22 years and 16 of those were in the CF.  It is a good way of life but you also have to keep in mind, much of it is up to you and your attitude.  If you take the times you are home to appreciate your family to the fullest then, even with deployments, you will have more than a lot of people who never go away have.

Good luck


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