# I'm currently deployed and my girlfriend is pregnant



## newdad099 (30 Jan 2013)

Hello everyone,

This is my first topic here, so i would like to start by saying hi to everyone.

I am currently deployed with the FO 4-12 in Kabul.

The situation: My girlfriend told me 2 weeks ago that she just found out she was pregnant. She is waiting for her appointment to the gynecologist to confirm everything in about a month.

Additionnal information relative to the situation: She already have one child from a previous relationship (long-story short the dad left and is not on the birth certificate anymore).

The Concerns: Few concerns are in my head right now. This is going to be my first child (we decided to keep it). And i don't know what to do with all that. I mean this is a great news, but i have no idea where to start. The fact that we only know that by one pee test, she have almost all the symptoms ever possible for a women at almost 7 weeks in. I don't know if i should tell my chain of command right now or wait until her appointment next month.

The Questions: 

1- Should i tell my chain of command right now (is it mandatory by some directive or something)?
2- How is it working with all the benefits?
    a) Are we intitled to become common law before the baby is born, or do we have to wait until the baby is born until it's processed?
3- If i tell them right now, can they send me back home against my will?
4- Any advice or hint or personnal story of the same situation?

Thanks you.

Hope you all are having a great day.


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## armyvern (30 Jan 2013)

newdad099 said:
			
		

> 1- Should i tell my chain of command right now (is it mandatory by some directive or something)?



No, it is not mandatory that you tell your CoC, but there's also nothing wrong with letting your immediate supervisor know that you both believe she may be pregnant and are awaiting confirmation by a doctor.



> 2- How is it working with all the benefits?


Well, that all depends.  One does not have to be your spouse to receive certain benefits ... you can designate to whomever you wish and should have done this prior to deploying.  If you did so prior to deployment, and wish to now change your named beneficiary, you are allowed to do so.  Visit your Orderly Room to inquire/effect as there are some variations to this wrt NOK etc.



> a) Are we intitled to become common law before the baby is born, or do we have to wait until the baby is born until it's processed?


You are able to be granted common-law status after 1 year of living together, or immediately upon the birth of a dependent.  I'm supposing  that, for yourselves, the birth of the child will occur before the 1 year of living together will.  In some locations, expectant parents who are not yet common law have been allowed to occupy PMQs (if avail) prior to the date that a common law relationship actually comes into effect.



> 3- If i tell them right now, can they send me back home against my will?


You will not be sent home because your girlfriend is pregnant.  Plenty of gentlemen are deployed for the duration of their spouse's pregnancies and some even miss the birth of their child because they are deployed.  Tell your CoC; that way, if there is an emergency situation with her pregnancy/major complications ... your CoC is tracking her/your status and can assist you with perhaps obtaining some compassionate leave to deal with any major situation --- and it won't be a surprise to them that you are expecting.



> 4- Any advice or hint or personnal story of the same situation?


Relax and stay calm.  Your situation is actually routine.  Your clerks have dealt with it before --- I will guarantee you that.  Tell your boss. Go see your Orderly Room.

I would say too, upon registering the birth, ensure that you immediately send for an official copy of the birth certificate as you will be required to present it to your Orderly Room so that they can add your future lil red-headed girl child  ( ) to your official records (MPRR) as a dependent/substantiate your status as common-law.  At the same time, you will able to officially add your girlfriend onto your records as a dependent. Her child is another matter and there are legalities involved.  Just so you know, her father's name is not "removed from her birth certificate".  Her dad is her dad.  But if the child resides with you and your girlfriend and you financially support that child as if your own, then you would require a copy of that child's birth certificate as well and she may also be allowed to be included onto your records as a dependent. Again, talk to your OR.

Once they are placed onto your records, you become entitled to move them with you and to have their travel, meals etc paid for whilst moving on postings.  Dental benefits would also become available.


Congratulations and good luck!!


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## Sythen (30 Jan 2013)

ArmyVern said:
			
		

> Congratulations and good luck!!



Most definitely agree!


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## NavyShooter (30 Jan 2013)

Indeed!

Letting your boss know that it's on your mind is a *good idea*.  They will not just turn and send you home....and yes, some folks have missed births due to deployments.  Saw it in my unit on our last deployment.  

Of note, missing the whole morning sickness thing because you're deployed is not a bad thing....there's nothing you can do to help, and lots of blame leveled at you if you are there.  

When you do get home, try to get involved in the process....birth classes/etc are good to attend as a couple.

One thing I did for each of my kids was to put on their first diaper in the OR under supervision of the nurse/doc just after they were born.  Don't worry about making a mistake with it, they'll correct you if you do.  

Breathe and relax, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

NS


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## Bluebulldog (30 Jan 2013)

Congradulations.

Being a dad is arguably one of the best things in life, you will be in good company.


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## Maxadia (30 Jan 2013)

Congratulations.  

Yes, you have no clue what you're doing as a soon-to-be dad....neither did any of us.  

You'll do fine.


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## Jarnhamar (30 Jan 2013)

newdad099,

I recommend letting your chain of command know as soon as possible.

If your girlfriend has complications and you need to go back to Canada for whatever reason going to the CoC and saying surprise I have to go home, my gf is pregnant and sick... is going to be met with some resistance. Best to cover your ass.


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## Ludoc (30 Jan 2013)

My though process reading this post: 





			
				NavyShooter said:
			
		

> One thing I did for each of my kids was to put on their first diaper in the OR


 What?! That is terrible advice. Don't the clerks have enough to deal with, without you trying to change your baby in the orderly room?



> under supervision of the nurse/doc just after they were born.


Oh...that OR. Well, that makes a lot more sense.


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## Goodeman (30 Jan 2013)

Congrats. Being a dad is a trip. Enjoy. I sure do.


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## cupper (30 Jan 2013)

Congrats!!!


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## daftandbarmy (31 Jan 2013)

newdad099 said:
			
		

> Hello everyone,
> 
> This is my first topic here, so i would like to start by saying hi to everyone.
> 
> ...



Suggestion: at this point, pay more attention to your girlfriend than to all the CF stuff. As things 'develop' you will have the support you require, I'm sure. Also, hand write her some real letters, if you aren't already. They are the new Rolls Royce of communications tools and she will be more likely to cart them around with her than a comparatively antiseptic email she may not be able to print off.

Congrats!


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## krimynal (31 Jan 2013)

newdad099 said:
			
		

> Hello everyone,
> 
> This is my first topic here, so i would like to start by saying hi to everyone.
> 
> ...



grats , how old is her first one ?


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## STJ_Kierstead (24 Jul 2013)

congratulations!

like someone else said, letters home would make her day.  I lived away from home and used to get a letter sent out every now and then from my lover, often accompanied by a package of goods.  loved it, meant a lot more knowing they took the time to write it out and send it by post.

good luck cheers!


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## CombatDoc (24 Jul 2013)

STJ_Kierstead, my friendly advice is to stop resurrecting threads that are ancient if you have little to add.  It is annoying when someone who joined yesterday plays Lazarus.


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