# March 2008 CPGear Contest: War Stories



## Mike Bobbitt (3 Mar 2008)

Ok, it's time to spark up another contest. This one's a bit different, but a bit the same. The different part is that March is all about a good "war story"... you know, the kind you tell around the bar at the mess after a few drinks. The "same" part is that the story needs to be enhanced with a photo (or several). The story can be about the time you accidentally caught the RSM's ruck on fire with a malfunctioning paraflare or when a buddy wedged his G-Wagon into an impossible position - as long as you have a picture to add to the story.

Here is a perfect example of a good war story (pic included!). Now on to the administrivia:


All stories must conform with the Conduct Guidelines.
There are no limitations on when/where, etc. the story took place, but tales that appeal to a military crowd will likely fare the best.
The winner will receive an $80 CPGear gift certificate as a prize.
You can enter as many stories as you like.
Photos must be uploaded into the Milnet.ca Photo Contest album in the photo gallery in order to be eligible.
At the end of the month a poll will be created and all registered users can cast their vote. The war story with the most votes takes the prize.
The contest closes at midnight ET on March 31st, 2008.
OPSEC/PERSEC must be observed at all times. Change names/locations if need be.
Stories and photos must be original, or contributor must hold the photo copyright.
All uploaded photos will be retained by Milnet.ca and may be used at a later date.
Stories must not be offensive in nature. Or at least not *too* offensive. 

Related links:


Milnet.ca Photo Contest Gallery
Upload a Photo

To add a photo into your war story post, simply upload it to the album and browse to it. Right click on the image itself and select "Copy image location" (Firefox) or "Properties" and then copy the address line out (Internet Explorer). From there simply paste the URL to the photo into your post and enclose it in _img_ tags. For example:


```
[IMG]http://forums.army.ca/gallery2/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=21207&g2_serialNumber=5&g2_GALLERYSID=d299333addb5b4f2db5d3a17667fdcf5[/IMG]
```


Gives you:







If anyone has any questions, just let me know. Good luck!


Cheers
Mike


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## Yrys (3 Mar 2008)

Question : how did the civilians reacted to the vehicules   ?


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## Mike Bobbitt (4 Mar 2008)

Don't know that's not my picture! Looks like someone else out there has a story to tell...


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## Mike Baker (4 Mar 2008)

Sounds like this should be a good one again, Mike.

Come on guys, I want to read some good ones ;D


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## geo (4 Mar 2008)

Yrys said:
			
		

> Question : how did the civilians reacted to the vehicules   ?


Timmy locations near military bases are VERY "used" to mil personnel dropping by for a double, double or two.
Then there are the Timmy locations on military bases that COUNT on their patronage.


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## Yrys (4 Mar 2008)

geo said:
			
		

> Timmy locations near military bases are VERY "used" to mil personnel dropping by for a double, double or two.



People working there, or regulars customers , sure.

But I was thinking of 'tourists' customers... Would like to see theirs faces .

(I know it doesn't happen, but also thinking of : "Sorry sir, you will have to wait until I'm done to get your vehicule out of the parking lot, mine (tank) is blocking it...")


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## formerarmybrat23 (5 Mar 2008)

it looks like the gateway in oromocto. believe it or not this wouldn't raise many eyebrows.  good picture though. that place is crazy in the mornings anyways!


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## deedster (6 Mar 2008)

Anybody else having trouble getting into the Photo Gallery?  Our server here has been acting up all day, maybe it's a problem at this end  :


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## Mike Bobbitt (6 Mar 2008)

Wasn't just you, but it's fixed now.


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## Yrys (6 Mar 2008)

Where was ArmyVern   ?


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## Journeyman (6 Mar 2008)

Yrys said:
			
		

> *Where was ArmyVern?*


I miss her too       (no; really)


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## Mike Bobbitt (6 Mar 2008)

Not in the gallery, it still doesn't work for her!


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## armyvern (7 Mar 2008)

Journeyman said:
			
		

> I miss her too       (no; really)



No worries ... I sent you mail!!  ;D (no; really)


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## armyvern (7 Mar 2008)

Mike Bobbitt said:
			
		

> Not in the gallery, it still doesn't work for her!



Oh, I'm in now --- and you know it's only a matter of time before I break it again!!  >


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## armyvern (7 Mar 2008)

Yrys said:
			
		

> Where was ArmyVern   ?



Inside. Rear left corner of the building as you're looking at it.


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## helpup (9 Mar 2008)

Pte  Brat said:
			
		

> it looks like the gateway in oromocto. believe it or not this wouldn't raise many eyebrows.  good picture though. that place is crazy in the mornings anyways!



I dont think so the Gateway in Ormocto didnt have grass that close to the front door, it is all ashphalt down to the curb for the side road.


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## Fishbone Jones (9 Mar 2008)

OK. I'll start. Unfortunately, given the year, I don't have pictures, but I'm sure the story will be appreciated anyway. Some have seen this story here before. Perhaps a generic picture of Leliefontein celebrations in ‘72, without Watch Pig would suffice?

During Leliefontein celebrations in ‘72 with the RCD we acquired the Watch Pig. Small lead in though. Leliefontein lasted for about a week at that time, lots of parties and sports along with the parades. Sports were always accompanied by copious amounts of drink. During the games the MO was always on duty. Two or three guys went to the hospital during the bicycle jousts and another six or seven with sprains and breaks during the Sqn vs Sqn murder ball game. For some reason though, when the greased pig competition started, the MO found it to inhumane and made us stop. So, now what to do with the little pink piglet?

It was decided the pig would be auctioned off at the smoker, figuring one of the guys living on a local farm would buy it for the landlord. Nope. The single guys pooled our money and won the pig. For the rest of the night he kept up with the boys drinking beer. A can would get tossed to him, he‘d bite into it, and drink the beer that flowed out. Within a couple of days he was a raving alcoholic. He‘d roam the hallway of T4 searching for his elixir. He‘d get extremely agitated as he sobered up and attack you if you had no beer for him. Hence the Watch Pig moniker. You had to know how to disarm the guard. As we returned to the shack at night, you always had a can of beer. On entering the darkened shack, you‘d listen for the clip clop of his cloven hooves and toss the beer to the other end. When he went for it, you went the other way to your room.

The Black Forest Officers' Mess had a large silver punch bowl. During the RCD Officers' Leliefontein soiree, it disappeared about the same time as the Stewards. The MP‘s show up at the shack to recover it and rousted us all out. Ignoring our drunken taunts, they ask for it back under threat of us all ending up in cells. They‘re told the "pig" in the end room has it. They knock at the door and listen. Snorting and snuffling is heard. Thinking the occupant passed out, they use their pass key. Upon rushing in, they slip on the pig shyte on the floor (cleaned up twice daily BTW) and are confronted face to face with a very drunken and ornery swine. His punch bowl, which had previously been full was now empty and he wanted it replenished. So that was strike one for the Watch Pig. Ordered out of the shacks by the SSM, he was given a spot between the wings, tied to the Snowball tower. The SSM stated he was our responsibility and we were on thin ice. It took Watch Pig about two hours to turn the lawn into a muddy, circular sty, about twenty feet in diameter. The length of his rope. German CE type complains, strike two.

Pete D is elected to ensure the Watch Pig behaves properly as the whole thing was his idea. Him being the drunkest when we bought it and not being able to remember, he seemed the best candidate.

The final straw came about a week later, on a Sunday morning. The day broke sunny and warm. Too nice to sleep in, even after a hard night in the CC Keller Bar. One of the fellas looked out and raised the alarm. Watch Pig was loose! Pete D was roused and told to go out and tie him up. Forgetting the beer bait, Pete goes out in nothing but his jockeys. Without incentive to listen (no beer) Watch Pig takes off down the road. Pete D is in hot pursuit as Watch Pig rounds the corner and heads up the main road behind the shacks. Watch Pig is clippity clopping along as fast as he can, straight down the middle of the road, considering the twenty or thirty pounds he has put on while on his three week beer diet and Pete‘s not doing much better. They are about twenty yards short of the Church, when the congregation, led by the Base Commander, his family and the Padre step out into the morning sun. Ringside to see Watch Pig being pursued by a drunken RCD wearing nothing but yellow jockey shorts and screaming profanity at the pig. We can only imagine the thoughts that were racing through the various minds. Needless to say, that was Strike Three for Watch Pig. He was given to a local farmer who could not believe his size for his age. Nor could he understand Watch Pig‘s horrible disposition...and Watch Pig being family, we didn‘t tell him. 

_edit to add picture_

This is *NOT* the Watch Pig and punch bowl!! 8). Same celebration though.


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## Mike Baker (9 Mar 2008)

:rofl: :rofl: Oh dear God!!  ;D I can't stop laughing!! Someone, I dare you, beat that!


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## Trinity (9 Mar 2008)

Pillows and helium balloons.


(inside joke for tess)


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## benny88 (9 Mar 2008)

recceguy said:
			
		

> For the rest of the night he kept up with the boys drinking beer. A can would get tossed to him, he‘d bite into it, and drink the beer that flowed out.




 Baaaahahah don't let the PETA folks get a hold of that one. Tremendous story recceguy!  :rofl:


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## George Wallace (9 Mar 2008)

benny88 said:
			
		

> Baaaahahah don't let the PETA folks get a hold of that one. Tremendous story recceguy!  :rofl:



Don't tell me that PETA are a bunch of Teatottlers!  Just another reason not to like their fanatical ideas.

Body Shop -  Not tested on animals - Not tested on me.


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## Pea (9 Mar 2008)

Alright, I have a story I could share. It's not exactly a "war story", but it's military related.

A couple of months ago I was in Meaford for SQ. Well it was the week before my course was to start, and I'm contacted to attend the Vimy Award's Dinner in Ottawa, as the boyfriend's date, as he has been requested to be there as a sponsored guest. So all my staff do their best to get me on leave, and on the road to Ottawa ASAP. I make it into Ottawa approximately an hour before the event is supposed to start. Well, all I have in my possession are my combats, which definitely won't do for a Black tie affair. So we make a mad dash to the mall to buy a black gown, and all the accessories. Get dressed faster than I have ever dressed for any event, and rush to the War Museum for said event. 

I'm a VERY green, freshly graduated BMQ, Private at this time. We walk into a room full of people, with gold bars and crossed swords all over the place. The guest of honor was the Governor General (Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean). As well as the event was attended by the Minister of National Defence (The Honourable Peter MacKay) So basically, I'm very intimidated and feeling very out of place. So we're walking around, mingling and meeting other NCM's and NCO's that were sponsored for the event. It comes time to be seated so we find our table with our sponsor and the other NCO and officer that was to be seated with us. (Our sponsor was a retired General, and a Senator) Well we sit down and the RSM of the Army (CWO Ford) is seated at the table next to us, and he comes over to meet my date, and ask him about his time in Afghanistan. This continues throughout the night, so I got to meet the Vice Chief of Defence Staff (LGen Natynczyk), who I had a nice conversation with as his daughter was graduating BMQ a few weeks later as a Med Tech, and he wanted to know how long his speech as reviewing officer should be. I of course told him to lengthen it a bit, to make their moment a little more special. (he picked up right away that I was just trying to torture a friend with a long standing period) I later met his daughter here in Borden, and she told me the speech was nice and long.  ;D 

Towards the end of the night, once the meal is over, we make a trip to the washroom. On our way back we get stopped by the Chief of Land Staff (LGen Leslie). He noticed my date's name and wanted to stop and talk to him about his experiences overseas. He made some small talk with me about how I was the prettiest young gal in the room, and how "this young Cpl was very lucky to have me as his date". To which my date replies "well sir, she's actually a new Pte herself. She's just up for the weekend from her SQ in Meaford". Well didn't his face just light up when he heard that! He starts telling us how he loves service couples because they go home and make "army babies". He then grabs my hand to look for a ring, which of course he didn't find. So he looks at my date and says "Well Cpl, where's her ring?" To which he jokingly replies "Uh sir, not there yet..." So LGen Leslie replies saying "Well Birks is just down the street"... and my dates eyes get huge as he hears that and says "Uh Sir, I may require a raise in order to shop there"... So LGen Leslie decides he needs to show the young Cpl how it is done, so he gets down on one knee and proceeds to take my hand and show my date how he should propose to me once he's gone shopping at Birks. Of course I am bright red, and can't stop laughing at this point. And my date is standing there dumbfounded. At this time the CWO of the Forces (CWO Lacroix) walks over to see what is going on, as it looks pretty out of the ordinary I am sure. LGen Leslie gets up, tells me that if I don't see a ring in the next few months, I am to send him an e-mail on the DIN and he'll make sure it's taken care of. Then the LGen and the CWO walk off together laughing.

I walked into this amazing affair an intimidated, very green Private. I walked out a very entertained new Private who definitely cannot forget her chain of command!

And the pic:


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## HItorMiss (9 Mar 2008)

You know it's pretty hard to compete with the CLS when he is hitting on your Girlfriend...Hmmm dumb Cpl who forgot to duck or Chief of all Land Forces....Yeah not much to throw up there eh.... You all can thank me for the pay raise though LMAO

What an odd feeling to see a General Officer down on one knee breaking proposing into squads for you...oh and it was the first time I got ordered to go home and "Make Babies".....now that is an order I don't think any soldier would argue with LMAO!


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## helpup (10 Mar 2008)

Good story Pea LGen Leslie is another one of a kind,  and did you get the ring ?


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## X-mo-1979 (11 Mar 2008)

Alright I'll share one,maybe gotta know me to really get it...but I'll give it a go.

About three months ago we had our last regimental parade.Drill practice for about 3 days prior which always ended early afternoon with the seargent major reminding everyone to make sure our uniform's were "tickity-boo".He then went into a detailed explanation of what "ticity-boo" entailed: Make sure your accoutrement's are there,your uniform from before summer leave still fits,tighten up the parade belts, and for ****-sake's make sure your boots are shiny.

A jovial guy he was.And honestly with some of the younger members in the group, I could clearly understand why he was repeating himself.

So finally the big day came.Later report timing than normal work days,formed up ready to go at 09h00.My uniform hung in a bag in a room closed off from the animals,boots sat on a high shelf in the same room with a kiwi cloth covering them to keep dust off the shinyest boot's I've ever had.The tie was already tied after 8 attempts that didn't look tight enough for me,and sitting on the ironing board.

Now I wouldn't say I'm super organised.However I tend to lay things out and plan well ahead on these parades.The truck had been cleaned out the night before,large black garbage bag on the seat to keep my uniform from getting full of lint.

Having said all this if I didn't take all these percautions I would be the only troop on parade with a white fun coat. I own a 10 pound while cat which tends to sleep on anything I own...beret included.

So while everyone else in the regiment was sleeping in I knew due to my animal situation I had to head into my workplace early.

At 08h00 I walked into my hanger fully dressed....sort of.

Many people were already there.The SQ,SSM,most of the troop warrants and leadership.

As I walked in the op's Warrant said "morning" then he looked at my boots with a look of disgust.You could tell he was ready to jack me up,but I guess he figured my troop warrant would see me soon enough.

Now your proably thinking why would my gleaming parade boot's attract negative attention?

Another part of my ritual is the 20 foot walk from my car to work in a 27 yr old pair of parade boots.This way I can keep my nice ones on the seat next to me,and not get dust on em walking across the dirt parking lot.Now some guy's here have parade boot's that are proably senior to these that are immaculate.These however are "decommissioned" and in bad need of refit.

My cousin gave them to me about 8 years ago.Himself a warrant in the airforce had a second pair and figured a young guy like myself would need a second pair for courses etc.They were his "drive to work boots"as well.The poor girls were brown,not from dirt but from the leather actually showing through.The whole toe is wrinkled and have large cuts and abrasions in the little bit of polish left on the toe.
They came sans laces as well,which didn't matter as I follow an old warrant of mine's advice:"If your boot's ain't that great wear longer pants".So from a distance the lack of boot laces wasn't visible.

After having the Op's Wo give me that look,it got me to thinking.I could have a bit of fun before I got fully changed.

I went down to my office and began delinting my pants.Looking for the right time to spring my attack.Then I seen it.
The seargent major and quartermaster having a chat across the hanger.

Off I went.

Now something else I had forgot to say is I was "new".I just got posted back after three years away and many of the Snr NNO's I didn't know,we had gotten posted in and out at the same time or never worked together.

I could hear them discussing a couple problem children and what they were expecting from them as i approached."Perfect"I thought.

"Hey SQ"I said as I was approaching.You could see them give me the look over head to toe....however their eye's didn't leave my boot's.

"Hey SQ I was wondering if you had any laces"I said as I pulled my slightly long pants up over my boots to expose the open gaps in my boots where laces should be."The SQ went from red with anger to a look of disbelief."

"Yes...I...ahhh...do at the shop."Still fixated on my foot covers.

The seargent major is still staring in disbelief as well.I have known him for years,and he knew this want the typical me.

"Just kidding"I said. "Those are my boots over there" I said pointing back to a table.And laughed walking away.

They didn't say anything...and just watched me walk away.

About five minutes later they came up to the table where I was, the seargent major was laughing and the SQ finally had the colour back in his face.

"Now those are a bit better"the SQ said pointing at my gleaming boots on my feet."Honestly I didn't know what to say earlier"he said."Here I was looking at the worst parade boot's in NATO and then you were asking If I had laces."
"Pretty good one" he said as the walked away.The Seargent major still smiling/laughing.

Later on the pre parade inspection the seargent major asked me if I had given my boot's I had on earlier to a certain young guy.

Laughing I said "No sir"


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## armyvern (15 Mar 2008)

Trinity said:
			
		

> Pillows and helium balloons.
> 
> 
> (inside joke for tess)



This sounds suspiciously like a "BFT Rucksack" horror story to me -- tripped over some dude's ruck once while warming up and sent it sailing 10 feet. Let us just say that as I ripped it apart -- I was less than amused.  

My reaction actually may be cause for him to have a "horror story" of his own.

But, if you stuffed your ruck with a helium balloon (or know someone who did) -- well, that's a new one for me. Did you refill the ruck with lots of huge non-settling boulders and then keep the ballons tied off on your own ruck ... just to inhale and keep the rest of the troops amused as you continued on your merry little way (that'd be what I'd do)??

PS ... I have no war stories worthy of sharing. I'm never involved in anything remotely amusing.


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## BinRat55 (15 Mar 2008)

No war stories??? Vern, you are full of poo poo.  Tell us again how you got you "Players Light" medal for heroism!   :warstory:!!  And you DO know someone who stuffed their ruck once... bubblewrap.  I'm sure if though about it it would come to you...


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## armyvern (15 Mar 2008)

BinRat55 said:
			
		

> No war stories??? Vern, you are full of poo poo.  Tell us again how you got you "Players Light" medal for heroism!   :warstory:!!  And you DO know someone who stuffed their ruck once... bubblewrap.  I'm sure if though about it it would come to you...


I know someone who got stuck in her trench once too. And you all laughed your asses off while N and I tried to pull the blob out, but ended up digging out the walls to make them wide enoguh to get her out ... and you asses ate our IMP suppers while we did so.  

You'll also probably remember the time I got the shitload of extras as a Pte for sending all the other Ptes home that Friday afternoon (after all the Cpls and above had left for the Mess leaving us to work) and then telling the MCpl and the Sgt on Monday morning that it was their own damn faults nothing got done on Friday and that if they could all screw off -- so could everyone else. THAT was fun.  ;D

Then, I believe, it was while performing one of those extras that the whole Coy had a parade at 1600hrs (but I was doing a message run to E1 as the duty dvr). When I got back to Bn HQ from E1 they told me to report immediately to the Coy lines ... and I drove over in my little racing jeep thinking "what the F have I done this time??", to walk in at 1645hrs and see everyone formed up on Parade and to have the OC yell at me ... "just get up here, I have waited on parade for generals and I have even waited for Colonels, But I have never waited on parade 45 minutes for a Fn Pte who's in shit to show up for her own promotion. Cpl Gibson, you will never cease to amaze me". (I saw him last month in Ottawa by the way -- he's still amazed.  >) I got 3 extras added on for that parade. What friggin OC plans a parade for a girl he has put on extras during the time she is on extras (to be served at Bn HQ!!??) and then gives her more because she went to do the extras at the expected time ?? ... besides one that was looking to give me a few more?? He was awesome. Great people.


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## BinRat55 (15 Mar 2008)

ArmyVern said:
			
		

> I know someone who got stuck in her trench once too. And you all laughed your asses off while N and I tried to pull the blob out, but ended up digging out the walls to make them wide enoguh to get her out ... and you asses ate our IMP suppers while we did so.



Holy F%#@ !!!  I had completely forgotten about that!!  That was the same ex where me and another brilliant Pte tied our hoochie to the 5 ton!!  We went to ground that night, happy that you had taken the crappy shift, with green tarp over head.  At some point during the ex, another "brilliant" soldier (who shall remain nameless) was told to get everyone out of their racks for a stand-to.  Thinking a truck's horn would do just nicely, jumped into OUR 5 ton (remember the one we tied our hoochie to?) Proceeded to engage the engine (actually knowing that the air tanks needed to be charged for the horn to work) and forgot to engage the clutch.  The 5 ton - doing exactly as it should - leaped forward about 5 feet - taking our hoochie with it!!  Needless to say, we were the FIRST ones to our trench (which was right next to the one you and N widened - my partner in crime almost fell into it...) and I was left trying to explain to Clothing Stores what on EARTH happend to my ground sheet!!!

Yeah, those were good IMPs!!!  Hey, what are you complaining about - I gave you the Melba Toast!!


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## Mike Bobbitt (1 Apr 2008)

OK folks, the time for telling tales is over... now it's time to cast your votes for the winner!


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## Mike Baker (10 Apr 2008)

So, does recceguy win?


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## Mike Bobbitt (10 Apr 2008)

Indeed he does! Congratulations recceguy!


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## PMedMoe (10 Apr 2008)

Congrats, recceguy!  That story had me in stitches!!!


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