# My girlfriend and the military



## Rodrigues13 (21 Sep 2012)

Hey everyone,

I'll start off by saying that I am 24 years old and I really want to join the military. Specifically to become a Combat Engineer. Now aside from being able to help people and serve the greatest country in the world, I know it is a great career opportunity. The problem seems to be my girlfriend. I have lived with her for the past year and absolutely love her to bits. She really doesn't want me to join up. She's the needy type that can't be away from me for too long but she says she would do anything for me. I don't really have a great job and I have explained to her that this is a great opportunity for us to move on in life, as it is next to impossible for a hard working young person to be able to afford a house and a family these days. I really don't know how to get the message across to her and I was hoping there is somebody out there who has been through this and can help me out. I've already heard the obvious answers like leave her, or don't join. But I don't want to leave her and I really want to serve my country. Any advice?

Thanks 

Ryan


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## aesop081 (21 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> She's the needy type that can't be away from me for too long



Get rid of her.



> but she says she would do anything for me.



That will remain true until the first time you are away.


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## dimsum (21 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> But I don't want to leave her and I really want to serve my country. Any advice?
> 
> Thanks
> 
> Ryan



Well, it really boils down to that, doesn't it.  She doesn't want you to go, you want to go.  The job is one that involves significant amounts of time away, and she's not good with that.  

Is it the "military" bit she doesn't like, or the "time away" bit?  My point being, if you got a good job in the oil sector or something, would she be equally reluctant?


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## GAP (21 Sep 2012)

Hmmmm....she will do anything you want, as long as it's what she wants......


If you want to live your life that way,,,,,have at it....... :


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## mariomike (21 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> Any advice?



5 pages of it here.

Topic: "Girlfriends":
http://forums.milnet.ca/forums/threads/49117/post-430650.html#msg430650


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## Dissident (21 Sep 2012)

GAP said:
			
		

> Hmmmm....she will do anything you want, as long as it's what she wants......
> 
> 
> If you want to live your life that way,,,,,have at it....... :



What he said.

At 25 I left my girlfriend of 4-5 years. She couldn't get behind the whole army thing and resented it quite a bit. (We talked a few years later and she admitted to thinking it was just a phase I was going through and would grow out of it  :  )

Now 5-6 years with the wife, also a reservist. Couldn't be happier. We support each other without reservation. 

Find someone you love that will also enable you to be successful. Putting limitations on your desire doesn't fit well into this category.


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## Rodrigues13 (21 Sep 2012)

It's more the time away than the military Im pretty sure


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## aesop081 (21 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> It's more the time away than the military Im pretty sure



Either way, your new career would go over like a lead balloon.

See my advice in reply #1.


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## Jarnhamar (21 Sep 2012)

Lets see a picture


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## GnyHwy (21 Sep 2012)

I like Dimsum's suggestion.  Ask her if the oil rigs are a better option.  You'll be away just as much, but better pay.  Then you'll find your answer.


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## aesop081 (21 Sep 2012)

ObedientiaZelum said:
			
		

> Lets see a picture



Dude, remember:

"No matter how hot she is, someone somewhere is tired of putting up with her s**t !"


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## Maxadia (22 Sep 2012)

If you're away and she's unhappy, you're going to be unhappy too.

If you stay home and she's happy, you won't be, or you'll spend your time regretting it.

Compromise sounds great...it isn't.  Not when it is something like this, unfortunately.


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## estoguy (22 Sep 2012)

What a lot of these guys have said already.  I found out the long way that it sucks to have a "needy" wife/girlfriend.  Especially one that puts limits on you.  If she thinks she can do that on your career aspirations, think about what she could do day to day.  Seriously NOT worth it.  If I had of been smarter in my younger days, I might already be in the Forces.  But its never too late.  If you want to be in that badly, you have your answer.


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## brihard (22 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> It's more the time away than the military Im pretty sure



You're trying to draw a distinction that doesn't exist.

YOU want to join and to serve, and likely you will not be satisfied until you do.

Put your application in. Tell her you have done so. You'll quickly find out where her heart lies and just how committed to the relationship she is. But the only life you can ever be happy with living is your own, and you shouldn't hold yourself back form living it. In time either she will accept it and remain a pat of it, or you'll find someone else who will.


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## Bruce Monkhouse (22 Sep 2012)

Ask yourself if you would be enough of a dick to stop her from doing something that she really, really wanted....................see what I did there?


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## Jarnhamar (22 Sep 2012)

CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> Dude, remember:
> 
> "No matter how hot she is, someone somewhere is tired of putting up with her s**t !"



Your wise council belies your age sir, you are right.


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## armyvern (22 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> ... I really don't know how to get the message across to her ...
> 
> Ryan



LMAO. Quote of the day right there folks.

Fact is, you'll never get the message across simply because the above ends with "her" and not "him". She may say she's gotten the message, but next year, next decade, next week and tomorrow, it will be your fault because "you joined the military way back when and I told you I didn't support that". 

Despite her "getting it", you will continue to hear about it every pay day, every course and every fight until the day she also gets 1/2 your pension, house et al. That's when she'll eventually "get it" and stop bitching about it and to you about it.

Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and find a girl that supports and "gets" you now.

Signed:  A Girl


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## Maxadia (22 Sep 2012)

Vern, I think you should quote the original posters message and your response, including the signature,  and then send it into Men's Health magazine or something like that.  

It'd probably help out quite a few of the young guys across NA.


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## ditchpig041 (22 Sep 2012)

Buddy,

Best advice is to do what you feel is the best for YOU.  No kids, no mortgage, no huge tie-downs, no problem!!!!

Its not too late to give her the big hug and tell her you are joining up, and wish her the best of luck.

Should you choose to stay together, and then enlist, you will get little to no pity from the boys in the mess decks.  In my previous-to-this trade I had one of my guys coming to me all the time during one of my deployments going on and on about how his other half at home wasnt happy... blah... blah.... blah....

Took a good guys head out of the game, and then caused a category-a shitticane amongst the other guys too as a bad attitude is infectious.

If your heart is REALLY set on enlisting and REALLY set on keeping her in your life, go to school, join the reserves, and be a "part time" soldier.  You get the joys of doing what you want, and she stops nagging.

Anyhoo, good luck!


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## GnyHwy (22 Sep 2012)

ArmyVern said:
			
		

> Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and find a girl that supports and "gets" you now.



It takes a very special girl to be a devoted army wife.  I am very lucky to have one that understands the military very well, and we still have many tough times.


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## 57Chevy (22 Sep 2012)

ArmyVern said:
			
		

> Save yourself a lifetime of heartache and find a girl that supports and "gets" you now.
> 
> Signed:  A Girl



Don't ever give up on the dream.
If she is part of it, you will know.
What's important here it that you have to make the ultimatum.
She would have to agree with your vision of what is to be or of what you and her can make it to be,
then intertwine as one and achieve those goals together. (no matter what they may be)

One thing for sure
If you love this girl, (and if she loves you) then make (damn) sure, that you give her every possible opportunity
to make up her mind about a possible future of being a soldiers wife.

No matter the tears nor the joy that may be,
never give up on the dream.

Or you take the girls advice


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## daftandbarmy (22 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> Hey everyone,
> 
> I'll start off by saying that I am 24 years old and I really want to join the military. Specifically to become a Combat Engineer. Now aside from being able to help people and serve the greatest country in the world, I know it is a great career opportunity. The problem seems to be my girlfriend. I have lived with her for the past year and absolutely love her to bits. She really doesn't want me to join up. She's the needy type that can't be away from me for too long but she says she would do anything for me. I don't really have a great job and I have explained to her that this is a great opportunity for us to move on in life, as it is next to impossible for a hard working young person to be able to afford a house and a family these days. I really don't know how to get the message across to her and I was hoping there is somebody out there who has been through this and can help me out. I've already heard the obvious answers like leave her, or don't join. But I don't want to leave her and I really want to serve my country. Any advice?
> 
> ...



Show her this note: http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Military-Girlfriend/925555

And never say the Infantry didn't do anything for you,,, ;D


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## Maxadia (23 Sep 2012)

I believe the horse is now dead?


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## Rodrigues13 (23 Sep 2012)

Thanks all, I knew the answer guess I just needed a push to get there, lol. Next is preping for basic. Is anyone here a combat engineer? That's where I'm thinking  of taking my career, just wondering if it's an interesting path


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## mariomike (23 Sep 2012)

Rodrigues13 said:
			
		

> Is anyone here a combat engineer? That's where I'm thinking  of taking my career, just wondering if it's an interesting path



In case you have not seen it yet, there is some information about the trade here:
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/22088.0.html


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