# Boyfriend joining the military, what should I expect?



## Rookie1 (17 Nov 2013)

My boyfriend of a year and a half is right now in the recruiting process of joining the military full time. I know I am probably thinking very far ahead, but I am curious on what I should expect for him and our relationship and how the army will affect us. He is hoping to get into Infantry. We want to get married before he goes to a base after basic training so we can live together. If you all don't mind, I have some questions I'd love to be answered, if possible. I'd also love to hear personal stories if you have any. Thank you all so much. 

1. After basic, how long is it until he is moved onto the next base? 
3. Any idea on how often/how long/where he would get deployed to? 
4. When will he be able to leave the military to instead go to school, apply for police (which is what he truly wants to do)?

Again, thanks very much, if you need anymore information just let me know.
For those currently serving or hoping to be serving, thank you for what you do.


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## mariomike (17 Nov 2013)

Rookie1 said:
			
		

> When will he be able to leave the military to instead go to school, apply for police (which is what he truly wants to do)?



"Variable Initial Engagement Contract
When Regular Force members first join the Canadian Forces they sign an initial contract, which is called the Variable Initial Engagement (VIE).
This contract can range in length from three to nine years not including subsidized training or education. The length varies depending on the occupation, the needs of each occupation, and the
training time that is required for that occupation."
From "Canadian Forces 101 for civilians" page 94
http://www.familyforce.ca/sites/NMFC/EN/Documents/CF-101%20for%20Civilians%20EN.pdf

VARIABLE INITIAL ENGAGEMENT LENGTHS BY OCCUPATION 
http://army.ca/wiki/index.php/MOSID_and_MOC


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## Eye In The Sky (17 Nov 2013)

Rookie1 said:
			
		

> My boyfriend of a year and a half is right now in the recruiting process of joining the military full time. I know I am probably thinking very far ahead, but I am curious on what I should expect for him and our relationship and how the army will affect us. He is hoping to get into Infantry. We want to get married before he goes to a base after basic training so we can live together. If you all don't mind, I have some questions I'd love to be answered, if possible. I'd also love to hear personal stories if you have any. Thank you all so much.
> 
> 1. After basic, how long is it until he is moved onto the next base?  Right away usually.  If he has to wait for his next course the waiting is usually done where the training will be done, which may or may not be where he will be posted to after training is complete
> 
> ...


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## liams mom (17 Nov 2013)

Long time army wife here. We started dating when he was a new private. Our relationship was long distance for many years until we married. Those years were great since I was finishing school and he was happy doing such a cool job. Yes, I missed him, but it wasn't awful.

Fast forward a bit to those years when we had a young son, I was working full time, coping with some health issues and he was deployed or training for deployment constantly. Those were rocky years. I was often lonesome or over whelmed but I made amazing friends in Petawawa and we got through it by supporting each other. 

Fast forward again and my husband is still serving. Our son is 13. We have had one recent deployment to Afganistan, but it was easier with an older child, and with a posting to a smaller community, closer to home. We are so happy here and things are wonderful.

To answer your questions...
1. How long to posting will depend on what trade he has chosen. My DH was quickly posted but I have heard of people awaiting training being a long time before that first posting because it took awhile to get loaded on the courses needed and awhile to complete them. Postings sometimes come fast and furious, sometimes not at all. We were in Petawawa for over 10 years, when first married. Then Meaford, Petawawa, Meaford in the last 6 years.

2. Deployments will depend on the Canadian government and no one can look into the future. In 23 years DH had 5 deployments of 6 to 9 months long each. Sometimes it's the training, courses, exercices etc. that really keep your hubby away. For example last year my DH was overseas 5 times on exercice planning trips and then on exercice for a month. However, this year he has been home almost every night.

Sorry, can't answer your last question. Consider joining the Canadian Military wives web forums. They have lots of good info. 

Wishing you much happiness. Being an army wife is frustrating and rewarding, exhausting and wonderful. Sometimes you will have to do it all, all on your own and you will beg your friends for help. Other times it is smooth sailing and you have your soldier home so much you start to wish he was being sent away!


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## Ayrsayle (17 Nov 2013)

Rookie1 said:
			
		

> 1. After basic, how long is it until he is moved onto the next base?
> 3. Any idea on how often/how long/where he would get deployed to?
> 4. When will he be able to leave the military to instead go to school, apply for police (which is what he truly wants to do)?



Can only really speak to the infantry trade, but I'll leave the comments generic enough for someone else to clarify if a different trade comes up.

1.  After completing basic, he can expect to be moved to the next training base for his specific trade training ( Again, usually the new private will be moved there without having a cost move paid for by the military - usually that is reserved for the completion of training.  There are some exceptions, but they are not the norm)
2. Typically a new private (Infantry) will be sent to one of the 9 battalions (Edmonton, Shilo, Gagetown, Petawawa, or Quebec) - again, usually they will remain there for their initial engagement (3 years) though the possibility exists to be moved on a tasking elsewhere.
3. Your boyfriend will have the option to release (usually a 6 month process) or finish out his contract (3 years). As with most jobs however, it is not usually in an individual's best interest to walk away before completing his terms of service (contract). He is perfectly free to take classes for his development while a member or afterward.  As to when it is the most beneficial, that's something you and he should be talking about.

I'd recommend taking a few minutes to look into what exactly the training entails and it's realities - especially for married couples.  As far as the military is concerned, if you have been living together for longer then a year, or less if you have a child already you are already considered common law married - once you go declare it to the military at least.


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## Rookie1 (18 Nov 2013)

Thank you all for your knowledge, it's helped me understand what the process will be like much more. I do have another question I hope someone will be able to answer clearly, as I've been looking around on the site and it just seems very unclear to me!

After the basic training, what happens? Does he have to take more training courses? If so, how long are they? Will I be able to live in housing with him because of marriage?

Again thanks so much for your help and support!


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## flatlander13 (18 Nov 2013)

After basic, he will have trade specific courses to do (and as others have stated, he will have various training courses and exercises throughout his career). What trade is your other half doing? Courses are different for each trade after basic, so maybe someone can speak more specifically to the length of the required courses. From my understanding, in most cases, he will live in barracks for any training courses less than 6 months in length and therefore you won't be able to live in quarters with him.


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## Ayrsayle (21 Nov 2013)

Rookie1 said:
			
		

> Thank you all for your knowledge, it's helped me understand what the process will be like much more. I do have another question I hope someone will be able to answer clearly, as I've been looking around on the site and it just seems very unclear to me!
> 
> After the basic training, what happens? Does he have to take more training courses? If so, how long are they? Will I be able to live in housing with him because of marriage?
> 
> Again thanks so much for your help and support!



IF he is going in for the infantry, usually they have numbers of who is going to which regiment before the end of Basic (though last minute changes do happen) and he'll be sent to one of the "regional" training centers, such as Wainwright if he is slotted for PPCLI.  He'll do more training for trade specific skills - and it is highly unlikely you will be able to live with him during this time as he will be living in quarters either awaiting training or on his courses.  They've recently changed around some of the infmn courses - I'll find out the length when I have access to a work computer.

Unless there is a particularly unique reason, he is unlikely receive a cost move (moving you to be with him on the military dime) until the completion of his training and he arrives at his regiment (first posting as a new private).  Some families have moved to be together, but usually the time they were able to be together did not make the costs of doing so worthwhile.


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## JorgSlice (21 Nov 2013)

Especially if going PPCLI expect him to become the God of Gods under the sheets  ;D


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## greends (13 Jan 2014)

I'm going through this right now as my SO is currently posted in Borden and will be finishing course in April. We met here in Borden and now that his course if almost over, he wants me to follow him on his next posting. 

I've done alot of ground work in looking up PMQ info and requirements for a "single" member of the reg force when applying for housing but of course CFHA won't give me any real info because we aren't married. He's trying to get what info he can from his commanding officers and they're all telling him to "put a ring on it" to get the process moving faster. Neither one of us are comfortable with that idea so that is a most definite no but my question is; 

Are there any more sites like this or Canadian Military Wives (I've registered and tried to log in but it refuses me every time so I kind of gave up with that one) that can outline the posting/moving process for unmarried reg force with steady partners (non common-law)? 

I plan on filling out his Brookfield moving form for him so he can get the info I need to know! 

Thanks in advance!  



And OP this is what I know, 

1. After basic, how long is it until he is moved onto the next base? 
- Typically its right away. My SO was stationed on course to Borden as soon as his BMQ ended. He had to wait over a year for his course to start though. 

3. Any idea on how often/how long/where he would get deployed to? 
- Anywhere. Literally Anywhere.


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## PMedMoe (13 Jan 2014)

greends said:
			
		

> Are there any more sites like this or Canadian Military Wives (I've registered and tried to log in but it refuses me every time so I kind of gave up with that one) that can outline the posting/moving process for unmarried reg force with steady partners (non common-law)?



There is no process for moving Reg F personnel with "steady partners".  If you are not married or common-law, he will be posted as single and he (or you and he together) will have to cover your costs.



			
				greends said:
			
		

> I plan on filling out his Brookfield moving form for him so he can get the info I need to know!



Seriously?


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## greends (13 Jan 2014)

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> Seriously?



Yes. He asked me to so that he could make sure not to miss anything during his planning session. 

We are already saving up to move my stuff because we know they won't pay for ME to move with him  BUT I was just wondering what other measures he could do to better secure housing. (on OR off base, either way doesn't bother us)


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## PMedMoe (13 Jan 2014)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> You do know that as a Single member living in Quarters, even the PMQs, he is not allowed to have 'long term guests', even a girlfriend, living with him.  Right?  He can not rent out space in those Quarters, either.



I think you may be wrong on that one....


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## vonGarvin (13 Jan 2014)

greends said:
			
		

> I'm going through this right now as my SO is currently posted in Borden and will be finishing course in April. We met here in Borden and now that his course if almost over, he wants me to follow him on his next posting.
> 
> I've done alot of ground work in looking up PMQ info and requirements for a "single" member of the reg force when applying for housing but of course CFHA won't give me any real info because we aren't married. He's trying to get what info he can from his commanding officers and they're all telling him to "put a ring on it" to get the process moving faster. Neither one of us are comfortable with that idea so that is a most definite no but my question is;
> 
> ...



I want to get this straight before answering:

You're ready to pick up and move across the country with him, anywhere, I suppose, but you're not comfortable marrying him?  

I'm confused because it sounds like you want the benefits of marriage, without having to actually, you know, get married.  You *could* go to a JP and get married, you know, you don't *have to* do e.g. the six month pre-marriage course that the Roman Catholic Church offers, and unlike Catholics, if you don't like the marriage, you *can* get a divorce.  You know all this, right?

Anyway, if you could clear up the confusion, it may help me answer you.

Cheers.


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## PMedMoe (13 Jan 2014)

Here is the link on how PMQs are allocated (and who qualifies): http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/caf-community-support-services-housing/who-qualifies.page?


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## vonGarvin (13 Jan 2014)

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> Here is the link on how PMQs are allocated (and who qualifies): http://www.forces.gc.ca/en/caf-community-support-services-housing/who-qualifies.page?



And a relevant portion:



> Non-Family Members
> 
> It is possible for you to share your housing unit with non-family members. However, since we do not “approve” unofficial household members, we are not required to allocate housing that is any larger than necessary based on your official household size, as indicated on your posting instructions or as indicated by your Orderly Room if your posting instructions were issued more than a year ago. We may allocate a larger house based on availability.


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## PMedMoe (13 Jan 2014)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> And a relevant portion:



Only to mean, you're not going to get a bigger PMQ if your "official" family size is one (the member).


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## greends (14 Jan 2014)

Technoviking, I want to get married one day but not because it makes paperwork easier to fill out. We are both committed to a long term relationship ending in marriage but neither one of us feels comfortable "marrying for the military." That's all.

I should mention that we haven't lived together yet and he still resides in the shacks on base. 

I am simply looking for information to give him to give US the best possible chances at a PMQ as that is the most preferable option. I am willing to move and live off base if he isn't able/capable of getting a PMQ because he can apply to move off base/out of shacks (from what I have gleaned from other Borden recruits/DND personnel I know outside of work) 

Pedmoe, I've read alllll of that I was just wondering if there is anything he can do (letter of recommendations etc) to improve his chances. Thank you!


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## vonGarvin (14 Jan 2014)

"Long term relationship ending in marriage"


I've often seen marriage end relationships too 

;D


Anyway, I have nothing further to offer.  I wish you all the best.


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## PMedMoe (14 Jan 2014)

greends said:
			
		

> I've read alllll of that I was just wondering if there is anything he can do (letter of recommendations etc) to improve his chances. Thank you!



No, there isn't.  He gets the same opportunity as anyone else.  What purpose do you think letters or recommendation would serve anyway?  That's just silly.  Anyone could write a letter saying why someone needed a PMQ.  It's not a job application.  Just my  :2c:

Keep in mind, at some bases, the PMQ list is quite long.


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## RomanE (12 Feb 2014)

Distance is a couple's biggest foe. Two people should be together because they lose their passion without the ability to be together. However, human brain is a powerful tool and you can make it if you really want it.


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## George Wallace (12 Feb 2014)

RomanE said:
			
		

> Distance is a couple's biggest foe. Two people should be together because they lose their passion without the ability to be together.



What utter BS.  Distance has nothing to do with it.  'Communication' is the key.  Be it verbal or written communication, good communication between people overcomes distance.


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## Scott (12 Feb 2014)

RomanE said:
			
		

> Distance is a couple's biggest foe. Two people should be together because they lose their passion without the ability to be together. However, human brain is a powerful tool and you can make it if you really want it.



You're talking out of your arse. In the almost four years since I met my wife I have been away just over half of the time, and we are quite happy with this and used to it.

Sounds like passion might be a personal problem for you.


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## Goose15 (12 Feb 2014)

Scott said:
			
		

> You're talking out of your arse. In the almost four years since I met my wife I have been away just over half of the time, and we are quite happy with this and used to it.
> 
> Sounds like passion might be a personal problem for you.



I agree with this analysis. The exact same thing can be be said about my girlfriend and I (2 years). Obviously we'd love to be together but our love and passion is still there and burning hot.




			
				George Wallace said:
			
		

> What utter BS.  Distance has nothing to do with it.  'Communication' is the key.  Be it verbal or written communication, good communication between people overcomes distance.


Ding ding ding! Very well said George.


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## Shmebola (30 May 2014)

I have a similar question, and figured I would add to this thread. My BF is likely joining the air force as a pilot and I've been trying to learn as much as possible about the whole process, both about the training portion and afterwards.

Here is what I understand so far: the training will likely be 2+ years and happen in various locations, mostly in the prairies. Then, depending on the aircraft he is trained to fly, he'll be posted to a particular base, and the VIE for pilots is 7 years. 

It seems like there is a fair bit of uncertainty with regards to where we will be living and for how long, and there's nothing I can change about that. What I really want to know is how challenging it will be for me to maintain a stable career. This is a difficult question, I know, but I'd like to hear about other people's experiences and those of their non-military spouses. It is probably very dependent on where we end up living but I would like to hear about any successful (or not so successful) scenarios.

I've spent quite a few years getting my post-secondary education and have just recently started working. It is important to me to be able to continue working towards building a successful career. One of the biggest questions I have is what options there will be for him once the mandatory service is complete. If he decides not to continue as a pilot with the forces, will it be easy for him to transition into a commercial pilot position? I'm worried about potentially sacrificing my career options now, since that might make us more dependent on his income, and less likely to be able to transition into something outside of the military (if we even want to do that several years from now).

I really don't know much about the lifestyle or how much either of us would enjoy it, and my views will likely change over time, but I would love to hear from others who are, or have been in my position. Thanks!


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## DAA (30 May 2014)

Put simply, it is very difficult to have a "two career" family, when one person is in the CF, subject to constant relocations every 3-7 years, coupled with periods of extended absences from time to time.  But then again, it all depends on your definition of "career".  Is a traditional career possible?  It is, but very rare and can depend on your chosen career path.  My wife spent 4 years obtaining her post-secondary degree (BBA Hons - Economics) and had just started working in that field towards her goals when we first met.  3 years later we were married and then suddenly along came a posting.  Panic set in for her as it was her first go round in the relocation process.  She quit her job and found another one within a year of us being relocated.  Another couple of postings later, a few more jobs under her belt and she absolutely floored me one day.....my jaw hit the floor when two years into one of our postings out of the blue she asks "When will we be moving again?"  Not sure where this question was going I just asked her "Why would you ask a question like that?  Are you not happy here?"

Her response......."Oh no, I like this place and my new job.  I just want to think about where I would like to move to next, so that if they ever ask you at work, you'll know."    She's a keeper, not giving this one back!

Over the past 20 or so years, she has had 5 different full-time jobs and another 4 short term contract positions and no two jobs have ever been the same for her.  As a matter of fact, she will be transitioning into full-time job # 6 in a couple of weeks and it's not as a result of a posting.  Military spouses are a unique group to say the least.  They are some of the most talented, adaptable, adventurous and experienced people you will ever meet.

If you're up for the challenge, you might become one of them.........


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## krimynal (31 May 2014)

Quick question , I saw that you either need to be married OR common-law to have access to PMQ's and so on .... is it true ??? GF and I have been together for 2 years ( almost 3 ) we signed our Common-Law paper 6 months ago at my unit ( reservist ).  If ever my transfer gets accepted for Regular forces , will I need to marry , or the paper we sign will act the same ???


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## Occam (31 May 2014)

Common law is treated the same, and in a perfect world your documentation should follow into the Reg Force so you don't have to resubmit the paperwork.


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## krimynal (31 May 2014)

in a perfect world that is lol ! they might want me to re-sign those paperwork if I switch ? ( dosen't really change anything but I'm just asking )


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## Occam (1 Jun 2014)

Stranger things have happened than losing paperwork on a component transfer.  Worst case scenario would be you'd have to submit a new Statutory Declaration (or whatever they require now) to your new CoC after the CT.  I wouldn't worry too much about it, especially if you kept a copy of the paperwork you previously submitted to get the relationship recognized.


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## Eye In The Sky (2 Jun 2014)

Occam said:
			
		

> especially if you kept a copy of the paperwork you previously submitted to get the relationship recognized.



This.  Go to your unit OR and ask for a copy of this.


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## Spooks (2 Jun 2014)

Shmebola said:
			
		

> It seems like there is a fair bit of uncertainty with regards to where we will be living and for how long, and there's nothing I can change about that. What I really want to know is how challenging it will be for me to maintain a stable career. This is a difficult question, I know, but I'd like to hear about other people's experiences and those of their non-military spouses. It is probably very dependent on where we end up living but I would like to hear about any successful (or not so successful) scenarios.



As stated by others here, it all depends on your definition of "career". There are certain jobs you can get that allow for countrywide transfers. My wife works for one of the big-chain banks and can put in for a transfer to the nearest branch if I am to transfer. I am sure that there are other jobs like this out there. We have a couple-friend that just joined the military and they are experiencing this for the first time. They had the added stress of having a baby while he was gone for his initial training - 10mon. She worked for a large sales chain which she quit in order to have more time for their new baby. She moved here when he was posted and although they offered her to get her job back out here (the sort of sales where you go to businesses and get them as clients), she took a job with a different company but same field.

You also have to factor in the possibilities of where he can get posted as a pilot can only go to certain bases. Do not quote me on this, but I would think that once he learns to fly either fixed or rotor-wing aircraft, he would stay with that type and that decreases the options further. 

As well, your husband may have a say in increasing the frequency of postings. I will be putting in an application to join a unit in Ontario but I am putting that off for a few years so my wife can focus on her current job and perhaps rise a little higher there. I have no problem waiting - yes, it means a few more winter exercises where I freeze, but I know it'll bring a little more stability for her. As well, my eldest will be starting school soon so it will help him too. Under no time are either of us under the misconception that 'my plan' is set in stone. At any time, the army can send me/us elsewhere, but I have found that if you sit around in that 'be prepared to move' phase and not continue on with life for fear of being uprooted, then your general happiness and satisfaction is decreased as a family/couple.


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