# My Fiancee is heading to BMQ, and i don't know how to deal or what to expect...



## purawaters (20 Sep 2012)

I don't know where else to turn.Everyone here is in the know and is up front with everything. I only hope to find the truth I guess. I'm not a horrible person, I don't want my fiancee to give up his dreams, I just don't fully understand. We personally have trust issues as of 4 months ago, and he asked me to marry him a month ago. I believe in his calling, its not that, its just everything else.

It seems overwhelming and unfair. I have had a tough life as a civilain, and meeting him has been amazing. WHen I met him, it was a  4 year trial ...and then he got merit listed. My arguement is that life changes and dreams do, but it doesn't mean I don't see the nobility and the truth in what he wants to do. My problem is that...well, everything is SO sudden. I found out today, he's shipping off to Quebec in a week Saturday, and I just don't know how to deal. I'm tough, don't get me wrong, if I HAVE to be. I'm a farm girl with brothers...but my problem is that I have waited my whole life to be with someone who gets me...and now they are leaving.

How do I deal? I don't want to be cliche and say its okay and I'm proud. I'm not. I'm an artist and so is he. and I believe that violence isn't always the answer although I have read all his military texts and understand the life....my issue is, I just found out today, and it's next Saturday. It just seems my life as I know it is gone...what do I expect?


----------



## JorgSlice (20 Sep 2012)

purawaters said:
			
		

> I don't know where else to turn.Everyone here is in the know and is up front with everything. I only hope to find the truth I guess. I'm not a horrible person, I don't want my fiancee to give up his dreams, I just don't fully understand. We personally have trust issues as of 4 months ago, and he asked me to marry him a month ago. I believe in his calling, its not that, its just everything else.
> 
> It seems overwhelming and unfair. I have had a tough life as a civilain, and meeting him has been amazing. WHen I met him, it was a  4 year trial ...and then he got merit listed. My arguement is that life changes and dreams do, but it doesn't mean I don't see the nobility and the truth in what he wants to do. My problem is that...well, everything is SO sudden. I found out today, he's shipping off to Quebec in a week Saturday, and I just don't know how to deal. I'm tough, don't get me wrong, if I HAVE to be. I'm a farm girl with brothers...but my problem is that I have waited my whole life to be with someone who gets me...and now they are leaving.
> 
> How do I deal? I don't want to be cliche and say its okay and I'm proud. I'm not. I'm an artist and so is he. and I believe that violence isn't always the answer although I have read all his military texts and understand the life....my issue is, I just found out today, and it's next Saturday. It just seems my life as I know it is gone...what do I expect?



1. Life is unfair, if you're going to always be bitter about it, find someone else.

2. Giving back to your country by putting on the uniform and serving selflessly to better the nation and protect the people and their interests at home and abroad isn't noble? Then nothing in this world is noble I suppose. Do you live in Manitoba where nearly every year the Red River spills over it's banks and threatens the lives of thousands? Who was called to help? *The Canadian Forces*. When the Ice Storms in Ontario were causing multiple deaths daily and isolating people from being able to utilize their Chartered Freedom to move about the country, who was there to help the EMS and Police as they too, were stuck? *The Canadian Forces.* Who deployed to Afghanistan in an effort to restore peace and civility to a country run on a policy of violence, hatred, and oppression? Who assisted in reopening schools and assisting the integration of women and girls into society, among many other things? *The Canadian Forces*

3. "Violence isn't the answer" - that's your belief and you have every right to believe it, however, here's a bit of reality: Have you read anything on the past 4000 years of world history? Guess what... War, Conflict, Oppression, Violence, Tyranny and the like have always existed, it's human nature. The Canadian Forces is a military organization trained to fight wars, battles, conflicts; trained to depose oppression and tyranny. The Canadian Forces are trained to *kill*.

4. The notice is sudden, yes, because that is military life. If there were to be a national emergency tomorrow, or even right now, there would be even less notice. He'd have to wake up, get dressed and leave for an indeterminate period of time. Military life is and always will be about moving around, doing things in short notice, and being gone for long periods of time. It's a career, but it's also a lifestyle and it's not for everyone.

If you're going to have a tough time handling the fact that he has chosen a career he enjoys and wishes to do, regardless of the reasons, and you cannot support him unconditionally the whole way through - not only will he be more stressed over top of his military duties, but you'll also be straining the relationship. Either shape up, or ship out. Catch my drift? I was once in the same position, but I told her exactly the same thing - Accept it and support; or find someone else who meets your demands. You chose each other for the *PERSON* not the career, not the money, not the material (or at least I hope so).

When he's done his initial training (BMQ, BMQ-L, and Occupational Training), he'll receive a posting to a base/ship. I think at this point, once posted, this is where he has the option of living on base in the shacks (barracks or whatever you wish to call it), or off base in his own apartment or house etc. if the location he is posted to has the option of Off-Base housing options. At this time, you would be permitted to move to his location - HOWEVER - moving costs will be out of pocket because you're not married. Married personnel are eligible to a PMQ on base (Private/Personnel Married Quarters) which is a house on the base at a reasonable market value (dependent on local market), or married personnel can opt to live off base as well (once again, dependent on location). Married Personnel also have the benefit of having their moving costs covered by The Canadian Forces when required to move for posting, tasking, etc.


----------



## Bruce Monkhouse (20 Sep 2012)

That post, and reading some other threads on here, will give you all you need to know.

Locked,
Bruce


----------

