# Things you just shouldn't say to certain people in the army...



## chrisf (20 Jul 2006)

Alright, the bunny is dead, and will hopefully soon be a delicious stew... so we need somthing else to ramble about...

Things you shouldn't say to certain people in the army...

(To a member of a highland unit) "I like the pom-pom on your hat..."

(To a member of the Royal Newfoundland Regiment) "Nice moose."


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## Shamrock (20 Jul 2006)

"You can't ban me, I outrank you..."


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## Hockeycaper (20 Jul 2006)

Im sure most of us have had this one....."Your in the army? Have you ever killed anybody? My usual respose is ...NO, but I'm thinking really hard about doing it now.


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## Haggis (20 Jul 2006)

Cdn. Royal said:
			
		

> Im sure most of us have had this one....."Your in the army? Have you ever killed anybody? My usual respose is ...NO, but I'm thinking really hard about doing it now.



In a similar vein:  

Them: "Hey soldier!  Kill anybody today?"
Me:  "Day ain't over yet."


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## The_Falcon (20 Jul 2006)

Just a Sig Op said:
			
		

> (To a member of a highland unit) "I like the pom-pom on your hat..."



Or as one drunken fool found out the hard way, in a downtown T.O. bar on a cold decemember night a few years ago, this is NOT a phrase you say when you are severely outnumbered by about 30 Highlanders to 1 dumb civy.

"Your are all F@ggots wearing skirts!"


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## George Wallace (20 Jul 2006)

What was wrong with that....F *&^%) Army Guys - FAG for short?   ;D  I can see where the skirt would be offensive, unless you looked at history and what they were called by the enemy, and then that too has a bit of a different 'pride' to add to the statement....


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## Haggis (20 Jul 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> I can see where the skirt would be offensive, unless you looked at history and what they were called by the enemy, and then that too has a bit of a different 'pride' to add to the statement....



Not a lot of youngun's understand the "Ladies From Hell" nickname.

MP: "Your eyes look glassy.  Have you been drinking?"

You:  "No.  Your eyes look glazed.  Have you been eating doughnuts?"


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## George Wallace (20 Jul 2006)

Civie:  " You don't have to pay Taxes!"

Civie:  "You don't pay Rent."

Civie:  "You don't pay Room and Board."


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## medic269 (20 Jul 2006)

Hatchet Man said:
			
		

> Or as one drunken fool found out the hard way, in a downtown T.O. bar on a cold decemember night a few years ago, this is NOT a phrase you say when you are severely outnumbered by about 30 Highlanders to 1 dumb civy.
> 
> "Your are all F@ggots wearing skirts!"



You have to give him some credit, he has brass the size of pomegranates, not too bright, but brass none the less...


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## Shamrock (20 Jul 2006)

1.  "Listen, you quick-pick insta-corporal meathead, put that ticketbook away, I outrank you..."

2.  In response to "My taxes pay your salary..."
     "Your taxes pay me to defend you.  If I offer you a refund, can I kick the snot outta you?"

3.  Picklie


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## Spring_bok (20 Jul 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> What was wrong with that....F *&^%) Army Guys - FAG for short?   ;D


That sounds like something Chummy Dave used to say


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## George Wallace (20 Jul 2006)

Spring_bok said:
			
		

> That sounds like something Chummy Dave used to say



Now that is something you wouldn't call just anyone....Chummy Dave......But he was only one of the many Dave's in Tpt.


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## Grilla (20 Jul 2006)

one ive heard a couple times "wheres my rifle?"  :


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## Devlin (20 Jul 2006)

A lesson I quickly learned during my very first course in Pet. 

Me: "Where can I buy one of those maroon coloured berets"
Course Staff: "You !!! come with me and we'll be sure you get one."

Lesson learned:  Be the grey man it's less painful


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## Shamrock (20 Jul 2006)

Could've been worse, could've asked where you buy one of those purple hatty things


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## the 48th regulator (20 Jul 2006)

Hatchet Man said:
			
		

> Or as one drunken fool found out the hard way, in a downtown T.O. bar on a cold decemember night a few years ago, this is NOT a phrase you say when you are severely outnumbered by about 30 Highlanders to 1 dumb civy.
> 
> "Your are all F@ggots wearing skirts!"



hahaha ah those were the days I  rememeber!!

Or how about a civvy asking this when we wore the kilt....

"Hey what instrument do you play?"

...The assault rifle....care to hear my rendition of double taps...

dileas

tess


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## Pearson (21 Jul 2006)

The morning after a battalion smoker in Wainwright.

"Ummmm Warrant _____, the sections C-9s are missing."

"#@## off, get back to work!"

"ummmmm no, seriously warrant, the C-9s are missing."

"Wadda mean missing??"

"As in, 'Not there,' warrant."

Carry on with your own variety of expletives.


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## Haggis (21 Jul 2006)

the 48th regulator said:
			
		

> hahaha ah those were the days I  rememeber!!
> 
> Or how about a civvy asking this when we wore the kilt....
> 
> ...



At a mixed fucnction (civ and mil) years ago my wife was asked by another lady "What's worn under your husband's kilt?".  She smiled politey and replied "Nothing is worn.  Everything works just fine.".

I snorted beer up my nose.


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## the 48th regulator (21 Jul 2006)

Haggis said:
			
		

> At a mixed fucnction (civ and mil) years ago my wife was asked by another lady "What's worn under your husband's kilt?".  She smiled politey and replied "Nothing is worn.  Everything works just fine.".
> 
> I snorted beer up my nose.



hehehe, now that is a good one!

Beats the old shoes and socks line any day.

dileas

tess


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## COBRA-6 (21 Jul 2006)

Yes the kilt always garners some comments...

"so what do you wear under the kilt?"
"good girls don't ask that question, bad ones find out for themselves..."   >


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## 3rd Horseman (21 Jul 2006)

Civi - I heard you were wounded, where did you get wounded? 
Soldier - Bosnia
Civi - no I mean where on your body?
Soldier - .........silence..........no words just stunned look then......what is it with you people and where people got hit, then reach for your belt buckel to drop your pants....so you want to see do ya?
Civi leaves


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## Shamrock (21 Jul 2006)

"I don't care if you've been doing this for 20 years, Warrant, _my_ grade-level education goes into the double digits..."

"I'm pretty sure you're wrong, Sir..."


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## fourninerzero (21 Jul 2006)

dumbass "whats under your kilt"

me "your wifes/girlfriends/sisters/mothers lipstick"

EDIT- I play in a pipe band Civy side, with the 49th BN pipes and drums, and the Edmonton and District Pipe band, Im not in a highland regiment, altough the quicker of the bunches should have guessed that from my avitar.


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## Danjanou (21 Jul 2006)

Callsign Kenny said:
			
		

> "I don't care if you've been doing this for 20 years, Warrant, _my_ grade-level education goes into the double digits..."
> 
> "I'm pretty sure you're wrong, Sir..."



I actually had a brand new very young very new (still in his plastic wrap) 2/Lt new to the unit try that one on me. Didn't say a thing just walked off. The Pl Rad op pointed out to that I'd finished my BA (Hon) and was taking post grad courses. (Come to think of it so was the rad op) :


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## Sig_Des (21 Jul 2006)

School Chief sees a private walking across the parade square, hands in pockets.

"Pte. get the **** over here! Do you have any idea who I am?"

"No Sir"

"Well, I'm the school chief! You see all these buildings? They're mine! And so's this parade square...what do you think of that?"

"I think that's a pretty good job, sir. You'd better not F*** it up"


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## Black Watch (21 Jul 2006)

Callsign Kenny said:
			
		

> 1.  "Listen, you quick-pick insta-corporal meathead, put that ticketbook away, I outrank you..."
> 
> 2.  In response to "My taxes pay your salary..."
> "Your taxes pay me to defend you.  If I offer you a refund, can I kick the snot outta you?"
> ...


nice

oh!one good I made with one of my friend
civy: you BW are gays!!!!
Us: yaegh and will show you!


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## marshall sl (21 Jul 2006)

while playing pool at the Legion after a parade night.....

Civ " Snicker! Hey army guy where did you park your tank?"
Me " On your car."


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## IN HOC SIGNO (21 Jul 2006)

A newbie Chaplain and I were sitting in the coffee shop in Pet (now the Timmys) circa 1991. 
Two Airborne soldiers were sitting next to us.

Newbie Chap: Hello,,,you're Airborne aren't you? The guys that wear the purple berets?
One of them:  Those sound like fighting words to me!
Me:               Now guys...he's just new on the Base...I'll take care of it for you.
Other of them: You'd better give him an education real fast around here Padre.
Me:          Um right...let's go Bloggins!


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## Dissident (21 Jul 2006)

"Why" is NEVER a good answer to a legal order.


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## andpro (21 Jul 2006)

Dissident said:
			
		

> "Why" is NEVER a good answer to a legal order.


It's usually never a good answer to any order.


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## The_Falcon (21 Jul 2006)

Dissident said:
			
		

> "Why" is NEVER a good answer to a legal order.





			
				andpro said:
			
		

> It's usually never a good answer to any order.



Why?    ;D


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## Nemo888 (21 Jul 2006)

I always like calling it camping while we are in the field. Then about a half hour later I ask if we can light a fire. I need the extra cardio, too much beer.


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## George Wallace (21 Jul 2006)

While sitting in an OP:  " I need a smoke!"


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## bubba (21 Jul 2006)

Once upon a time in an rcr batt,the CO was breifing the coys in the theatre on the upcoming deployment to Cyprus.At the end of his breifing he asked if there was any ques an old crusty cpl stands up and asks sir is there a pisser in here somewhere.There was gasps an glares from the senier nco's an officers,but the CO politly says down the hall to your right.After dismissal the meatheads show up at the cpls work site not knowing why there in the area the old cpl looks at his buddy an casualy says i wonder what they want.His partner tells the ol cpl he got to go an he'll be right back.When his buddy gets back the MP's got the ol cpl in chains takin him out.The ol cpls buddy says heah cpl find what those MP's wanted. :warstory:guess you had to be there to appreciate the humor.This was a story told to me a long time ago weather its true who knows.


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## steve29 (21 Jul 2006)

Have a pretty good one I think

Was in Petawawa last winter for ex. Met up with a buddy haven't seen since battleschool. We were at the bar and he walks over to these 2 larger ladies. I'm thinking, what is he doing. He looks at one of them and says "so you don't sweat much for a fat chick"

I spit my beer across the bar.


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## ark (21 Jul 2006)

A fresh 2Lt to his WO : "I" am in charge here.


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## Dissident (22 Jul 2006)

ark said:
			
		

> A fresh 2Lt to his WO : "I" am in charge here.



I think I read that in a "Famous last words" compilation.


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## Red 6 (22 Jul 2006)

A 2nd Lieutenant writing in an NCO evaluation report: "One of the finest NCO's I have ever served with," when the LT has been in the Army 2 years.

Trying to pick up a first sergeant's wife at the NCO club during a company dining out.

Anyplace where porn is not allowed(say at Al Jaber Airbase in Kuwait) , and esp while you're on duty, looking at porn for two hours, Then, in the morning  the IT shop calls up the orderly room to  report the unauthorized use of government computers. The first sergeant starts an informal inquiry into the sit. When the first sergeant calls to ask about it, tell the first sergeant, "I was shopping in Victoria's Secret online catalog for some gifts for my wife." First sergeant and commander go to bat for you, and then the IT shop sends over some images from the site, which is NOT Victoria's Secret, at least not after, say, the first hour. When the first sergeant gets you back in the orderly room, and starts screaming, break down crying about how lonely you are.

Get tired of listening to the buzzing from the loudspeaker that the Patriot missile battery (say, at Ali As Saleem Airbase) used for transmitting fire commands, alerts, etc because it's right behind the tent and buzzes 24-7. Go outside with a pair of wire cutters and snip the commo wire right at dawn when the on-duty Patriot crew happens to run past while doing PT. When you see them and they see you, run back to the tent and make believe you're asleep when the Patriot guys run in wanting to know who's the moron that cut their f****** wire. Then, after he Patriot first sergeant calls your first sergeant for an early morning yelling session, try to deny it. When you caught like a bug on flypaper, break down crying and say, "I don't know what I was doing since I was so sleepy."

Since you're bored with force protection and want to impress you missus back home, send her a cryptic little e-mail about how you had a firefight at the gate. Then, let the rumor mill back in the family support channel do the rest. Pretty soon, (within say, two hours, making it 0230 in Kuwait)  the battalion sergeant major's wife (family support coordinator for the battalion) calls the first sergeant wanting to know how many casualties we took in the fire fight. First sergeant scratches his head trying to clear the cobwebs, then says to Mrs. SgtMaj, "What fire fight?" First sergeant says he'll check into it and get back ASAP. First sergeant goes to orderly room, and quickly determines no infiltrators. Mrs SgtMaj forwards a copy of the e-mail, which is so pathetic, it's actually funny. Drive 30 miles with your pltsgt and squad leader to the orderly room from the airbase. When the first sergeant says, "You want to tell me about the firefight at the gate," look real innocent and reply dumbly, "What fire fight, first sergeant?" When the first sergeant shows you the e-mail, look sheepish and say, "Oh, THAT fire fight." Bonus points on this one because all the wives back in the states think your unit is trying to cover-up the firefight at the gate.

These are not made-up. They actually happened when I was a first sergeant. I got a million of them. I should write a book...


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## Rice0031 (22 Jul 2006)

Red 6 said:
			
		

> Get tired of listening to the buzzing from the loudspeaker that the Patriot missile battery (say, at Ali As Saleem Airbase) used for transmitting fire commands, alerts, etc because it's right behind the tent and buzzes 24-7. Go outside with a pair of wire cutters and snip the commo wire right at dawn when the on-duty Patriot crew happens to run past while doing PT. When you see them and they see you, run back to the tent and make believe you're asleep when the Patriot guys run in wanting to know who's the moron that cut their f****** wire. Then, after he Patriot first sergeant calls your first sergeant for an early morning yelling session, try to deny it. When you caught like a bug on flypaper, break down crying and say, "I don't know what I was doing since I was so sleepy."



Hahah that one gave me a good laugh.


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## FastEddy (22 Jul 2006)

.
[/quote]

Things to endear you to the MP;

MP: Soldier, would mind getting out of the vehicle, Soldier: Sure Coporal would mind holding my Beer !.


At the DB:  Hey Staff you got a Cigarette ?.


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## The Bread Guy (22 Jul 2006)

To Female MP:  So, you just use those handcuffs for work?  (followed by discrete, but firm nudge of boot in small of back by course commander)

Dundurn, SK, 1980's, when I was a section cdr for an ISCC course....  about 40 lbs body weight ago, in my case


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## GINge! (22 Jul 2006)

"You there! Get off the RSM's grass!"
>"Tell the RSM he needs to buy a lawnmower!"
5 extras later.... :-[


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## vonGarvin (22 Jul 2006)

"Where in the f*** is Sgt "so-and-so"?" says the WO.
"How should I know" says the MCpl, in a very sarcastic tone (misreading the WO's inflections in his voice, who, it turns out, was actually quite serious!)
"Who in the f*** are you to talk to me like that.....blah blah blah....I oughtta'....blah blah blah" replies the WO.

(I didn't really hear everything, my excrement filters went on high power).


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## X Royal (22 Jul 2006)

Setting: Reg. Force Jr's mess.

Reservist to reg. force soldier - _"The only reason you are in the reg. force is that you can't make it on civy street."_

_*After a few broken bodies & a major MP investigation = New reserve jr's mess.*_

Pro Patria


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## the 48th regulator (22 Jul 2006)

X Royal said:
			
		

> Setting: Reg. Force Jr's mess.
> 
> Reservist to reg. force soldier - _"The only reason you are in the reg. force is that you can't make it on civy street."_
> 
> ...



Now why would the reservist go and insult him like that, beat him up, and take over the reg force mess??

Not very nice of him, if you ask me, but I guess it happens...

dileas

tess


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## career_radio-checker (22 Jul 2006)

Well I've never been part of the bashing between Res and Regforce but as Spiderman says "everyone gets one":

Regforce Pvt down hall in shacks: "F***ing Reservists. You know, there is a difference between us!
Reservist down at other end of hall: Yah, a university degree.  :blotto:


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## X Royal (22 Jul 2006)

the 48th regulator said:
			
		

> Now why would the reservist go and insult him like that, beat him up, and take over the reg force mess??
> 
> Not very nice of him, if you ask me, but I guess it happens...
> 
> ...



Since your not still in, I quess you can't be punted for what you been smoking. :


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## the 48th regulator (22 Jul 2006)

X Royal said:
			
		

> Since your not still in, I quess you can't be punted for what you been smoking. :



 :rofl:

Yep, ain't that the beauty of it all....especially reading people telling stories about me when I was in....

cheers!!  

dileas

tess


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## JBP (22 Jul 2006)

medic269 said:
			
		

> You have to give him some credit, he has brass the size of pomegranates, not too bright, but brass none the less...



Nah nah nah nah! No credit due there - he had lots of liquid courage is all!!!


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## GUNS (22 Jul 2006)

Sitting at a table in a local watering hole in Lahr.
Woman comes in with a dog in her arms and starts looking around.
Guy at next table yells out " where did you get the pig"
Woman at door ignores guy at table.
"Where did you get the pig" a second time.
Woman at door getting frustrated.
"Where did you get the pig" 
This time the woman at the door replied" Its not a pig, its a dog"
Guy at table " Wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the dog"
Woman at door left.

True story, happened at the TennerBar( not sure of spelling) 1972


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## 17thRecceSgt (22 Jul 2006)

Haggis said:
			
		

> Not a lot of youngun's understand the "Ladies From Hell" nickname.


I was lucky enough to meet one that was still in when it was a Reg Frce unit.  Different kind of man...

I am DEFINITELY going to remember the doughnut one Haggis!   :rofl:


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## 17thRecceSgt (22 Jul 2006)

the 48th regulator said:
			
		

> Now why would the reservist go and insult him like that, beat him up, and take over the reg force mess??
> 
> Not very nice of him, if you ask me, but I guess it happens...
> 
> ...



 :rofl:

I won't bother with all my stories of Reg Frce vs Reserve.  What is that called?  Ya.


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## Shamrock (23 Jul 2006)

"Ya know, NavyMich, you lazy, nogoodnick reservists..."


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## vonGarvin (23 Jul 2006)

Standing by the mock tower in Petawawa, waiting for MCpl so-and-so from 3 Cdo to show up, waiting with my fellow militia men, when from out of the sun (it was at his back), I see a maroon beret wearing NCO approaching.  "Are you MCpl So and So?" I ask, as I just then realise that the chevrons and maple leaf was actually a crown with a wreath around it.  I just stopped talking and pretended to not understand English anymore 

As a tangent, going into my buddies car by the Rappel Tower in Petawawa, as 3 Cdo is running a platoon through rappel.  As I attempt to start the car, I realise several eyes bearing down on me, when I realise that I am in the wrong Toyota!!!!!  Again, "no speakie da' English" was my preferred option ;D


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## ExSarge (24 Jul 2006)

Standing ankle deep in a rice paddy just outside of Osan Korea, after a para drop. Approached by a private (from another platoon, thank god!). "Hey sarge, I left my rifle on the plane, what should I do?" as I watched the flight of C-141's depart to California, via Okinawa and the Philippines!


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## GAP (24 Jul 2006)

The next time you take your radio in to be fixed by the techs, think about what you are telling them. 

A very disgusted private came into our shop at Cua Viet, slammed a PRC-25 on the front desk and loudly proclaimed
"It talks, but won't listen!!"

OOOOOk...we'll get right on that there bud...


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## Red 6 (24 Jul 2006)

Four worst words in the Army: "Who's your squad leader?"  :-[


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## Kat Stevens (24 Jul 2006)

seven most feared words in the army:
  "I'm from Ottawa, I'm here to help."


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## George Wallace (24 Jul 2006)

steve29 said:
			
		

> Was in Petawawa last winter for ex. Met up with a buddy haven't seen since battleschool. We were at the bar and he walks over to these 2 larger ladies. I'm thinking, what is he doing. He looks at one of them and says "so you don't sweat much for a fat chick"
> 
> I spit my beer across the bar.



Sue White Story

In the Coriano.  Friday night.  Sitting at a table beside the Dance floor with several other Hussars, drinking Beer.  Sue White comes over to the table and asks a young Trooper Rooney to Dance.  Rooney says he can't dance.  Sue drags him up onto the Dance Floor and they 'dance'.  Sue says to him, "You don't dance too bad for a guy who can't dance."  Rooney replies: "And you don't sweat too much for a fat chick."  Sue hauls off and drives him right over our table.  When he recovers.........


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## Haggis (24 Jul 2006)

Kat Stevens said:
			
		

> seven most feared words in the army:
> "I'm from Ottawa, I'm here to help."



I occasionally use that in my signature block.  Nobody believes me.


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## career_radio-checker (24 Jul 2006)

Waiting for bus at curb in full fighting order, combats, and Rucksack to go on Weekend ex.

dumb civy lady: Are you in the Army?
me: No, I'm a plumber


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## George Wallace (24 Jul 2006)

Newbie on Army.ca: "If I join the Army, do I have to get a haircut?"


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## SharkSlayer7.62 (24 Jul 2006)

On a QL3 course morning inspection... A stoker who re mustered spent the night polishing his parade boots. They were roughly the same color as pine cabinets when he started but they were black when he was done. The armour Sargent who was inspecting him declared that he had more polish on his finger from his own polishing than the ex-stoker had on his boots.

The ex-stoker then told him "Your finger should be clean, PO."

The result was a considerable amount of yelling and slammed door that sounded like a gun shot.


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## Steel Badger (24 Jul 2006)

Exiting the eating mess in Borden, and blissfully unaware of  the approaching gaggle of field grade officers.....


One of the Gentleman:   Hey!  You two privates,  don't you pay compliments?

Private #1:  Oh.........NICE HATS! 


Private #2 (Me) : Who are you talking to? awww *(*&^^


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## Spr.Earl (24 Jul 2006)

MAJIC!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL !!!

Good one!!!!!


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## Dissident (24 Jul 2006)

career_radio-checker said:
			
		

> dumb civy lady: Are you in the Army?



Nope, I am an extra in a movie.


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## GUNS (24 Jul 2006)

True story - Shilo 1968 - 164 Troop - Last group of recruits to go through Shilo.

There was this one recruit from far eastern Canada. A really nice guy.
One day we decided to have some fun with him.
I was volunteered to do the honors.
When this guy from far eastern Canada came into the barracks, all the other recruits were talking about their pay raise.
As I was Troop Leader that week, he came over and asked me about this pay raise everyone was talking about.
I asked him if he signed the papers yet.
He asked what papers.
I told him he would have to talk to Sgt. White and ask to sign the "Masturbation Papers" in order to get the raise.
The recruit from far eastern Canada set off to see Sgt. White about the papers.
The guy from far eastern Canada returned and nearly took my head off.
A really nice guy.


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## Black Watch (24 Jul 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> Newbie on Army.ca: "If I join the Army, do I have to get a haircut?"


of course not...you hair becomes the new Mk 4 head protection (Protection, Head, cold and balistic)


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## Black Watch (24 Jul 2006)

Steel Badger said:
			
		

> Exiting the eating mess in Borden, and blissfully unaware of  the approaching gaggle of field grade officers.....
> 
> 
> One of the Gentleman:   Hey!  You two privates,  don't you pay compliments?
> ...


reminds me of something...
Back when I was a cadet, at camp, I walked by the CSM without paying proper compliments...à
CSM: Check your arms when you pass by me!
Me: Thank you, but my arms are ok...
needless to say I did a lot of push-ups


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## c.jacob (24 Jul 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> Newbie on Army.ca: "If I join the Army, do I have to get a haircut?"



:rofl:


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## The_Falcon (24 Jul 2006)

Black Watch said:
			
		

> reminds me of something...
> Back when I was a cadet, at camp, I walked by the CSM without paying proper compliments...à
> CSM: Check your arms when you pass by me!
> Me: Thank you, but my arms are ok...
> needless to say I did a lot of push-ups



That makes no sense.  Why would you pay compliments to a CSM?  Was this a cadet CSM perchance?


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## Danjanou (24 Jul 2006)

Hatchet Man said:
			
		

> That makes no sense.  Why would you pay compliments to a CSM?  Was this a cadet CSM perchance?



??? The only compliment this old CSM ever got from my troopies was "good morning ya old fart" ;D


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## The_Falcon (24 Jul 2006)

Danjanou said:
			
		

> ??? The only compliment this old CSM ever got from my troopies was "good morning ya old fart" ;D



Thats what I am used to, Good Morning/Evening Sir/CSM/RSM.  Never heard of checking your arms, as you walk by CSM.  When standing in front of Sgt-Maj on the parade square or going into his office I have come to attention, but thats not really the same as paying compliments as you walk by.


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## navymich (24 Jul 2006)

Callsign Kenny said:
			
		

> "Ya know, NavyMich, you lazy, nogoodnick reservists..."



 And then there's people that can't read the subject of a thread....."people in the ARMY", Kenny.  ;D


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## Shamrock (24 Jul 2006)

You mean the navy isn't a subelement of the army?


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## Rice0031 (25 Jul 2006)

Enjoying a few drinks at a local pub/restaurant:
Civvy(me) to a infanteer(HoM) of the RCR: "So, you're with the PPCLI?"
everyone at table : *GASP*
Civvy: "I mean... so, you're with the RCR?"


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## career_radio-checker (25 Jul 2006)

Rice0031 said:
			
		

> Enjoying a few drinks at a local pub/restaurant:
> Civvy to a infanteer of the RCR: "So, you're with the PPCLI?"
> everyone at table : *GASP*
> Civvy: "I mean... so, you're with the RCR?"



or worse yet:

"so, your in the Navy?"


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## big bad john (25 Jul 2006)

Rice0031 said:
			
		

> Enjoying a few drinks at a local pub/restaurant:
> Civvy(me) to a infanteer(HoM) of the RCR: "So, you're with the PPCLI?"
> everyone at table : *GASP*
> Civvy: "I mean... so, you're with the RCR?"



This lad will go far, he can see humour in himself.


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## ExSarge (25 Jul 2006)

This occurred during an in ranks inspection of the battalion by our new battalion commander. While inspecting my platoon the Battalion Commander stops in front of my platoon problem child. Pvt “Mullins” (not his real name) is a living version of the Peanuts character “Pig Pen”. On this day even after being shined buffed and inspected by his Team Leader, Squad Leader, myself and the Platoon leader he is starting to come apart at the seams! His boots laces are unravelling, a button appears to be in the process of falling off and his fatigues that were freshly starched that morning now look like he slept in them! To top it off he has a shiner that he got in a bar punch up the night before!
LTC: “Son who gave you that black eye?”
Mullins: “Geeze, nobody gave it to me. I had to fight for it!” said while morphing from the position of attention to the normal hunched back slouch he adopted. “Say didn’t I see you at the Ancon last night?” Note: The Ancon Inn was, and maybe still is a soldiers Cat house in Panama.


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## Cliffy433 (25 Jul 2006)

Young child at Dog & Pony who'd been haranguing us for some time: "Are you in the army?"
Me (in friendly tone): "No, I wear this due to my keen fashion sense."
Child: "That's not fashion!  That's UGLY!"

Ouch, burned by a 7yo!

-------------------------------------

edit: On second thought, not a good tale for a VERY Jr Sgt to be telling should he hope to be viewed as professional.  Perhaps in the context of "lessons learned" but not the way it was written.  I made a mistake and was corrected.


tlm.


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## George Wallace (25 Jul 2006)

CNE, 1983, RCR/RCD 100th Anniversary Display in the Canada Pavilion.

Little Kid:  "What are those "X's" on the front of the tank for?"

Me: (After having explained it dozens of times and still having puzzled looks.) "They are for playing "X and O's".  The "O's" are on the back."

Little Kid walks away satisfied.


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## Shamrock (25 Jul 2006)

You mean they're not for X's and O's?

That probably explains why there were so many X's and just two O's.


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## George Wallace (25 Jul 2006)

Callsign Kenny said:
			
		

> You mean they're not for X's and O's?


Now I know you'll do OK at RMC.    ;D


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## GAP (25 Jul 2006)

Callsign Kenny said:
			
		

> You mean they're not for X's and O's?


go figure...


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## Shamrock (25 Jul 2006)

Here George, let me give you confidence in my post-school career.

"Driver, I need you to lay out my sleeping bag for me while I go give orders to this bush."


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## HItorMiss (25 Jul 2006)

Young Pte in Recce Pl circa 2001 to WO Miles

WO: Hey you! who owns you?

Pte: Bones me? no one bones me Warrant

WO: PARDON! who the blah blah do you think you are, trying to be funny I'll personaly BONE you anytime I damn well want! Now who OWNS you?

(now at attention) Pte: Ooooohhh OWN's me Warrant, Recce Pl Warrant

WO: Not for very long they dont!


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## Haggis (25 Jul 2006)

From Government House in 1981.

Civvy:  Where do you get your hats?

Me: (not being a Guardsman, but an incremental member of CG, and having no idea where bearskins come from)  "Well, ma'am, at the end of each soldier's infantry training, they are set loose in Algonquin Park for three days.  There they must catch, kill and form their own bearskins."

Civvy: "Wow.  Thanks!"

CSM: (who was standing about five paces behind me the whole time)  "MCpl, let's talk about your extras."


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## NavComm (25 Jul 2006)

Me, recruit walking to the smoke pit and not marching properly passes by a very french Master Seaman.

MS: hey you! recruit!  have you got a chit for that?
Me: *thinks: a s*hit? what on earth is she talking about* Yes MasterSeaman!
MS: let's see it then
Me: you want to see it MasterSeaman? I don't know what you mean MasterSeaman. My _sh*it_?
MS: *trying not to laugh hysterically at me* you're CHIT! CHIT! CHIT!
Me: Oh, I don't have a _chit_ MasterSeaman
MS: then march properly! arms breast pocket high! BREAST POCKET HIGH!
Me: Yes MasterSeaman!


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## Red 6 (25 Jul 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> CNE, 1983, RCR/RCD 100th Anniversary Display in the Canada Pavilion.
> 
> Little Kid:  "What are those "X's" on the front of the tank for?"
> 
> ...



Okay, I'll admit it, I'm dense. What ARE the x's on the front of a tank for?  :


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## Burrows (25 Jul 2006)

Red 6 said:
			
		

> Okay, I'll admit it, I'm dense. What ARE the x's on the front of a tank for?  :


Kisses.


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## George Wallace (25 Jul 2006)

Snow grousers for the track.


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## Red 6 (25 Jul 2006)

Things a private should never say:

"First sergeant, you're fogging up my glasses."

"First sergeant, did you eat something with garlic in it at the messhall for lunch?"

"Sir, would you mind not yelling in the intercom? It hurts my ears"

"Hey sergeant, who's in charge of this cluster?"

"I never write anything down. I have a photographic memory."


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## Red 6 (25 Jul 2006)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> Snow grousers for the track.



Maybe the US Army should buy some of them snow grousers. It would keep all those 70 M1's from turning into bobsleds in the winter...

Do they replace the individual track shoes, or the track pads?


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## George Wallace (25 Jul 2006)

They replace track pads.  They work for about 100m and then they just become speed bumps as the snow and ice compact in them.


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## Kenny2 (25 Jul 2006)

Same thing as on the M113's, Red.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (28 Jul 2006)

Callsign Kenny said:
			
		

> You mean the navy isn't a subelement of the army?



Grrrrr...Ok this is another of those things you shouldn't say....EVER!!! :rage:


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## GAP (28 Jul 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> Grrrrr...Ok this is another of those things you shouldn't say....EVER!!! :rage:



Geee....there's no shame in being a transport service...is there?


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## Sig_Des (28 Jul 2006)

GAP said:
			
		

> Geee....there's no shame in being a transport service...is there?



 :rofl: :rofl:


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## navymich (28 Jul 2006)

Okay folks, a bit less jocularity when you're speaking about, and to, the Senior Service.  And get those heels together too....


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## Shamrock (28 Jul 2006)

Army or navy drill?


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## GAP (28 Jul 2006)

hehehe


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## rogsco (28 Jul 2006)

Aircrew of any persuasion the medical type: "You can't ground me, I have a world trainer flight leaving tomorrow".
Medical Type: "uh huh, hope you didn't pack yet"


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