# My life is falling apart, don't know what to do.



## Ruffles250 (29 Mar 2017)

Approximately two months ago, I got laid off from my civilian job, around the same time, my girlfriend left me. I've had no luck finding another one, and I've officially run out of money, and run into a shit ton of debt, I have no source of decent income until July when I go on course. I have no idea how I'm going to make rent for May, so I have the looming threat of homelessness to worry about. My grades in university have been slipping, and so has my performance with my unit, I've went from a good troop, to making mistakes even an untrained private wouldn't on their first day of BMQ, even my physical health has been slipping away, I haven't been eating very much at all, I feel weaker, more lethargic, and constantly have a feeling of nausea, during a parade, I thundered in less than 15 minutes in.


I can't take it anymore, I'm at my wit's end and I have no idea where to go from here.


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## messupdude (29 Mar 2017)

One word. Padre.

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## SeaKingTacco (30 Mar 2017)

CF Member assistance program

1-800-268-7708. Call them now, if you go not feel that you can speak to your supervisor at your (I assume) Reserve Unit. CFMAP is open for business 24/7. 

Please report back and let us all know how you are doing, after you make the call. Trust me- we care.


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## AbdullahD (30 Mar 2017)

Tough times are followed by Easy times my friend, just hang in there, one day at a time.

Use the resources these fine gents have posted here, but you have my thoughts and prayers too.

You are not in this alone. Sometimes getting it off your chest will help a lot.

You will get through this, but until then, you have us pulling for you too.
Abdullah


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## Harris (30 Mar 2017)

Does your unit know you are looking for work?  Sometimes they can help source some extra Class A days either in the Unit or through other means.


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## da1root (30 Mar 2017)

Padre and CF Member Assistance Program have already been offered.

Beyond that, you should also speak with your chain of command, depending on what occupation you are and what you are with there are scholarships/bursaries that are available.  Your CoC might even be able to set you up with SISIP and SISIP has grant money available to them to use for both PRes & RegF military members who find themselves in hardship.

People are afraid to engage their CoC about this type of issue, but if you find yourself in consumer proposal or bankruptcy you'll have to tell them anyway and the consequences are greater at that point in time.


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## Jarnhamar (30 Mar 2017)

Ruffles250 said:
			
		

> Approximately two months ago, I got laid off from my civilian job, around the same time, my girlfriend left me. I've had no luck finding another one, and I've officially run out of money, and run into a shit ton of debt, I have no source of decent income until July when I go on course. I have no idea how I'm going to make rent for May, so I have the looming threat of homelessness to worry about. My grades in university have been slipping, and so has my performance with my unit, I've went from a good troop, to making mistakes even an untrained private wouldn't on their first day of BMQ, even my physical health has been slipping away, I haven't been eating very much at all, I feel weaker, more lethargic, and constantly have a feeling of nausea, during a parade, I thundered in less than 15 minutes in.
> 
> 
> I can't take it anymore, I'm at my wit's end and I have no idea where to go from here.



Ruffles I'm rewording my reply, but not too much. Lots of good advice here from the Member Assistance Program (used it myself and referred quite a few others) to going to the padre.

If you're inclined to answer some peer level questions (don't feel obligated), what are you doing that put you in so much debt?  Do you have any possessions can you sell to bridge from now until July (and being reserves your pay will be a month behind so don't expect money until August).

What are you doing to affect your grades and work performance? While professional help is obviously a good thing so too is being able to help yourself. I think you'll find a number of padres and various assistance organizations will take this approach.

MAP and SISIP are great for help but I've found, both from personal and professional experience, they can be slow engage. Require a decent amount of effort and leg work, and, not always reserve friendly.


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## Remius (30 Mar 2017)

Jarnhamar said:
			
		

> What are you doing that put you in so much debt?  What possessions can you sell to bridge from now until July (and if it's the reserves it will still be an extra month for the pay system to catch up).
> 
> What are you doing to affect your grades and work performance?



I don't think any of those questions need to be asked or answered here.  Life happens.  Many good tips and advice provided above.  I don't think we need specifics.


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## Kirkhill (30 Mar 2017)

Remius said:
			
		

> I don't think any of those questions need to be asked or answered here.  Life happens.  Many good tips and advice provided above.  I don't think we need specifics.



Agreed.  This is neither the time nor the place, nor is it the business of anyone but the OP.

Ruffles, send a PM if you want to.  Can't promise anything more than sympathy.


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## McG (30 Mar 2017)

In addition to the military resources proposed, most universities have programs to help students in trouble.  There are probably resources on your campus that can help.


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## Jarnhamar (30 Mar 2017)

Remius said:
			
		

> I don't think any of those questions need to be asked or answered here.  Life happens.  Many good tips and advice provided above.  I don't think we need specifics.



I disagree. He's saying his life is falling apart and he doesn't know what to do. He's looking for help. Finding out _why _he's in that position in the first place could be the first step to fixing things (just like first aid).  I'm not trying to put the guy on trial but there could be behaviors or factors in his life that he can fix himself. If he's going to be homeless but has a $3000 gaming laptop then there's a couple months rent. Expensive gun collection? $900 GPS watch? If he goes out drinking every weekend or every night with his university buddies then there is money being spent, possible cause for his performance at work and even possibly health issues.

The first thing that happens when you send a member to SISIP to get an emergency loan or whatever is they sit down and do a budget (as well as asking for bank account transactions etc..). They don't just hand over the money.   I'm not trying to be an ass but it's hard to give someone advice when you don't know the whole picture.


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## Remius (30 Mar 2017)

Jarnhamar said:
			
		

> I disagree. He's saying his life is falling apart and he doesn't know what to do. He's looking for help. Finding out _why _he's in that position in the first place could be the first step to fixing things (just like first aid).  I'm not trying to put the guy on trial but there could be behaviors or factors in his life that he can fix himself. If he's going to be homeless but has a $3000 gaming laptop then there's a couple months rent. Expensive gun collection? $900 GPS watch? If he goes out drinking every weekend or every night with his university buddies then there is money being spent, possible cause for his performance at work and even possibly health issues.
> 
> The first thing that happens when you send a member to SISIP to get an emergency loan or whatever is they sit down and do a budget (as well as asking for bank account transactions etc..). They don't just hand over the money.   I'm not trying to be an *** but it's hard to give someone advice when you don't know the whole picture.



Then let the professionals deal with it.  Most of us are not qualified to assist.  Referring the member to the people that are is the best thing we can do here.  Those here that are qualified to assist, know better than to deal with this in an open forum.


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## mariomike (30 Mar 2017)

Ruffles250 said:
			
		

> I got laid off from my civilian job,



If you are a member of a union, you may wish to contact the hall, ( if you have not already ).
And read your collective agreement in regard to lay-offs ( if you have not already ).

If you are not a member of a union, you may - or may not - wish to read this,
http://www.minkenemploymentlawyers.com/employment-law-issues/lay-offa-strictly-regulated-area-of-employment/
"A lay-off occurs when an employer temporarily reduces or stops an employee’s work (and therefore pay), without terminating the employment. Such arrangements are temporary, usually due to a shortage of work or seasonal employment, and employment is continued again at a future time."

( In addition to the excellent advice offered above. )


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## Jarnhamar (30 Mar 2017)

Luckily it looks like he has some options to choose from now.  IMO giving someone adult advice, especially from their own personal experience, doesn't require a masters degree but I guess we'll see how this pans out.


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## mariomike (30 Mar 2017)

Ruffles250 said:
			
		

> I'm 18,



Can you reach out to your parents?


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## BeyondTheNow (30 Mar 2017)

Ruffles250 said:
			
		

> Approximately two months ago, I got laid off from my civilian job, around the same time, my girlfriend left me. I've had no luck finding another one, and I've officially run out of money, and run into a shit ton of debt, I have no source of decent income until July when I go on course. I have no idea how I'm going to make rent for May, so I have the looming threat of homelessness to worry about. My grades in university have been slipping, and so has my performance with my unit, I've went from a good troop, to making mistakes even an untrained private wouldn't on their first day of BMQ, even my physical health has been slipping away, I haven't been eating very much at all, I feel weaker, more lethargic, and constantly have a feeling of nausea, during a parade, I thundered in less than 15 minutes in.
> 
> 
> I can't take it anymore, I'm at my wit's end and I have no idea where to go from here.



I'll simply offer my words to let you know that you're not alone, and judging by the language you've chosen, you are no doubt feeling that way.

Yes. I'd absolutely recommend speaking to a padre. In my experience, once the member has taken this step, the padre has been very understanding and if he/she felt the member needed further assistance beyond what they could say or do, they would assist in that area also. 

I haven't looked at your profile, so don't know anything about you beyond your post. But everyone handles feelings of being overwhelmed differently and we are affected by stress differently. What may seem like no big deal to one individual may in fact be a tremendous weight to another.  

Yes, inform your CoC of your circumstances. You don't have to go into great detail, but giving them a heads up is always in your best interest if circumstances in your life are affecting your overall performance right now. You obviously know the dynamic of everyone you work/parade with better than I, but I'm hoping you have someone in your chain who you feel comfortable enough approaching. I'm fortunate in that my CoC is fantastic and I've never been uncomfortable in speaking with them, but I know not all members are as lucky.

Lastly, please take care of yourself. Access the mental health tools available if you need to. Try to keep things in perspective and don't panic. Heartbreak can exacerbate  even a simple issue in life, but many can and WILL tell you, you'll be fine, things will get better, this too shall pass. 

Keep in regular contact with your bank, debtors, etc. Taking the initiative to call them to set up payment arrangements, even if you repeatedly have to extend, and/or explain your situation can go a long way.

I'm sure I'm not saying anything you don't already know, but yea, breathe. And try filing for EI. You'll need your ROE and/or final pay stub. You can do it online...it might take a bit to process and get your first payment if you qualify, but it's better than not trying at all. 

You'll be fine, hang in there.


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## messupdude (31 Mar 2017)

If you need a job apparently Scotiabank is a reserve and vet friendly employer. 

http://www.scotiabank.com/ca/en/0,,10820,00.html

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## Ruffles250 (1 Apr 2017)

Thank you for all the advice guys, I have a job interview in a few days, and I hope it goes well. My unit's given me a few taskings to keep me afloat for a little bit too.


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