# At a crossroads in life



## YungFthr (7 Feb 2010)

I need the advice and guidance of CF members and military spouses, and from being on this site as a guest for awhile, I can admit that not all the answers are here, and ultimately it is my own decision as to what the next step I take is. But the advice from experienced people definetly helps and thats what I'm looking for.

I am 23 years old, married to an amazing woman (she is 22) and we are blessed with a beautiful one year old daughter. 

Marriage is hard, add on to that raising a daughter and its harder yet. I cant even imagine how a single parent does it so a big kudos to you!
When both of us dont have alot of money to go around, there are alot of sleepless nights as we discuss how we are going to make it through another day. We still give our daughter everything she needs; food, clothing, shelter, toys. She lives without needing or wanting for anything and for that I am happy to work hard everyday. 

My wife knows that I have always had a love for the Canadian Forces and also knows that it is a dream of mine. I have always set my sights on the Infantry trade with a goal of being an instructor, or even an instructor at the recruit school. We have talked about it alot and we both know that there will be alot of sacrifices being made the first year or so, what with being sent to St.Jean and then off to BIQ and getting all my qualifications done. But the rewards at the end of it are possibly getting a PMQ on base or a small place for the three of us close to base, not  to mention the dental plan for the family as well as health coverage.

We are both determined, and committed to make this work. And with the Combat Arms trades opening up again in April I am ready to take that first step at the recruiting center and hand in my application. 

My question to you now is this:
Knowing that both of us are ambitious and want to get ahead in our lives and careers as well as doing as best a job we can being parents, can the CF help us aleviate some of the stresses and help us in getting to where we want to be with all its rewards it offers, even though we both fully know the sacrifices? Or would it be better to stay in the civilian side of things and see how things work out?


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## CallOfDuty (7 Feb 2010)

Hey Yung.  You sound like you are an intelligent guy who wants stability for your family.   You want/need the benefits of a gov't job and say you fully understand the sacfrifices your family will make.
  My question for you is....do you really understand the sacrifices you will make?  Can you tell us what they are?  
   Are you willing to spend many many months away from your family?  Are you willing to go to war for your government and risk being shot/blown up/killed for ...as you said here..."getting a PMQ on base or a small place for the three of us close to base, not  to mention the dental plan for the family as well as health coverage."

   I'm sorry if this is a bit grim.......but you want to be a combat soldier....you will eventually end up in a war zone with people shooting at you.  It's reality.  So only YOU can decide if it's truly " worth" or not.

  Cheers
COD


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## YungFthr (7 Feb 2010)

CallOfDuty said:
			
		

> My question for you is....do you really understand the sacrifices you will make?  Can you tell us what they are?


I will answer this question to the best of my ability, the sacrifices I will make will be not seeing my wife and my daughter for extended periods of time. Missing my daughters first day of school. But when I am home I will treasure it that much more and I will have alot more determination to do what it is I need to do so they are both happy, at the cost of my not being there 100% of the time, and when my daughter grows up and asks me why I wasnt there all the time I will look her in the eye and honestly tell her that I did what I needed to do to make sure she and my wife were looked after.



			
				CallOfDuty said:
			
		

> Are you willing to spend many many months away from your family?  Are you willing to go to war for your government and risk being shot/blown up/killed for ...as you said here..."getting a PMQ on base or a small place for the three of us close to base, not  to mention the dental plan for the family as well as health coverage."


To answer this question is a simple "yes".  If it means I have to give everything to see my family happy then so be it and I am willing to take that risk.





			
				CallOfDuty said:
			
		

> .......but you want to be a combat soldier....you will eventually end up in a war zone with people shooting at you.  It's reality.  So only YOU can decide if it's truly " worth" or not.



Reality is not pretty, but at the same time reality is what we make of it. And its not just me that decided, we made the decision together as a couple. All I need is just to find out from military spouses and serving members what their opinions and viewpoints are on the benefits. Thats all.

Thanks for your honest reply CallOfDuty.


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## aesop081 (7 Feb 2010)

YungFthr said:
			
		

> can the CF help us aleviate some of the stresses



I'm not sure what stress you hope the CF will aleviate.


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## YungFthr (7 Feb 2010)

That was my mistake I should've been more clear.
I have done my research and found out that there is benefits to married members when they are away from their families. As well as if we cannot get into a PMQ and we find housing offbase that the CF will give us extra money to help with rent which will help in lowering the stress for saving money and being more financialy stable when we go and buy our first house.


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## Bruce Monkhouse (7 Feb 2010)

CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> I'm not sure what stress you hope the CF will aleviate.




CDN Aviator, when was the last time you had to worry about getting laid off and not having a regular paycheque?
Those are HUGE stress factors......


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## YungFthr (7 Feb 2010)

Thanks Bruce, thats what I meant.
I have so many things in my head that I couldnt really put my thoughts together.


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## Journeyman (8 Feb 2010)

I generally avoid agony aunt and recruiting threads because my opinions tend to be out of date. 
To get informed opinions (the value is yours to judge), however, you need to give the other half of the equation.....





			
				YungFthr said:
			
		

> Knowing that *both of us are ambitious* and want to get ahead in *our* lives and *careers*....


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## TangoTwoBravo (8 Feb 2010)

YungFthr said:
			
		

> I have done my research and found out that there is benefits to married members when they are away from their families. As well as if we cannot get into a PMQ and we find housing offbase that the CF will give us extra money to help with rent which will help in lowering the stress for saving money and being more financialy stable when we go and buy our first house.



While married soldiers who are away from their families for service reasons do receive some benefits and do not pay rations and quarters I wouldn't see this as an incentive. It might remove a dis-incentive, but don't expect bags of gold to be handed to you because you are married. Additional allowances for living off-base are dependent on the location and can go up and down. I wouldn't count on them since you don't know where you will be posted.

Now, a family of three can certainly make it on a Private's pay and be finanically "secure", although folks with large obligations (monthly payments etc) can run into some trouble. You will get incentives and then a promotion to Cpl after four years. Lots and lots of soldiers are homeowners. 

Regarding missing time with your wife and kids I won't give you advice since it is your life and associated happiness. I've missed birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, school years: you name a family event and I've missed it. I am OK with it (because I lack a heart), but you may not be. How do you think you will be? Taking up Journeyman's point (I think), if your wife has career ambitions that _may_ be a problem depending on her desired field. 

Some people will happily live in one spot for their whole lives. Others like to move around like a Mongol horde with ADHD dragging their families with them in their yurts. I guess I am happy being a nomad. What about you?


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## CallOfDuty (8 Feb 2010)

Yung, this is all good information here.  You have your positives and negatives.  Have a look around the " The Home Front" forums here and see what alot of the wives have to say.

  I'm sure you will find a good mix of supportive/happy wives, and some unhappy/hate the military wives.

  If you wife has career ambitions, like someone else said...there will be some postings that your wife may not be able to find a job in her field of work.  Lots of skilled wives have to work at Tim Hortons, just to make a little extra dough.  Not that thats necessarily a bad thing.   Unless your wife is a chartered accountant or nurse,  etc.
  
  Have you looked at other trades in the military besides infantry?  There are some trades which would involve less time spent away for sure.  Also there are trades in which you'll most likely be posted to closer to bigger cities.Eg-Navy.

  Nevertheless....whatever you decide is going to have goods and bads involved and can be deployed anytime from anywhere no matter which job you have.
  Good luck
COD


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## YungFthr (15 Feb 2010)

CallOfDuty said:
			
		

> I'm sure you will find a good mix of supportive/happy wives, and some unhappy/hate the military wives.



I have talked about this with my wife and she is supportive. She wants to see this family move forward as much as I do too. She knows that there will be difficulties in the beginning, what with the change of lifestyle and what have you but its all about accomplishing little goals while you make your way to you main objective.



			
				CallOfDuty said:
			
		

> If you wife has career ambitions, like someone else said...there will be some postings that your wife may not be able to find a job in her field of work.  Lots of skilled wives have to work at Tim Hortons, just to make a little extra dough.  Not that thats necessarily a bad thing.   Unless your wife is a chartered accountant or nurse,  etc.



She loves to cook/bake. So her working in the kitchen on base wouldnt be a problem, plus I'm pretty sure that they would apprentice her so she can finish up and get her red seal.
  
  





			
				CallOfDuty said:
			
		

> Have you looked at other trades in the military besides infantry?  There are some trades which would involve less time spent away for sure.  Also there are trades in which you'll most likely be posted to closer to bigger cities.Eg-Navy.


Funny you mention that, yes, my other MOC option is cook, I have 5 years experience working in the field and the subsidised education would really look good for a civilian employer. Not only that but it would give me a chance to spend time with the family whilst getting a steady paycheque and going to school. We'll see what happens, I'm going to talk to a recruiter tomorrow (what with it being Family Day today) and ask about the subsidized education.


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## Pusser (18 Feb 2010)

Being a cook in the CF is in my opinion, one of the hardest jobs we have.  They work long hours and deploy a lot.  We need them wherever we go.  Having said that, if you love the work, it isn't really work is it?

While some occupations deploy more than others, the bottom line is that there is a good possibility that you will deploy for long periods of time at some point.  There are also courses to attend out of town and a variety of other things that will take you away from home for extended periods.  Is this hard on the family?  Is it hard on you?  The answer to both of those is probably yes.  On the other hand, my wife tells me it's good for me to deploy every once and awhile (she usually gets a trip to some exotic location as a result).  There is also the added benefit of life renewed when you get home (although not all folks see it that way). 

The support of your wife is absolutely critical.  I've seen too many cases where the spouse resents what the military is doing to them.  Either the marriage or the career ends in those cases and it's sad because it shouldn't have to be that way.  Every once in awhile my wife reminds me (usually in jest) of what she gave up  when she married me and later had to move (a good job with 13 years seniority and benefits).  I then remind her that she's since lived in Europe and vacationed in Hawaii and the Caribbean as a result.  We also have the advantage in her having a very transportable career (lab tech) and has been able to get a good job at every location we've been posted to.  In short, as long as you keep an open mind and see the future as an opportunity, rather than a setback, you should be fine.

Whatever you do, don't join the CF thinking you're going to get rich.  If you do, you haven't understood the payscales.  We're not paid badly and we have a good benefits plan, but comfortable is the best way to describe the lifestyle most of us live.  Even when we travel, move or deploy, our compensation and benefits are designed to ensure we are not out of pocket or that our standard of living doesn't go down.  They're not designed to make us rich.  But we do have security.

Good luck.


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