# New Game: Make a wish



## vonGarvin (14 Jun 2010)

OK, new game.
You're basically making a wish and the next poster will corrupt the end result as much as possible for maximum hilarity.
Example:

Poster 1  said:




> I wish I could work from home.





Poster 2 said:



> Done, but now you have a Blackberry, and it goes off every five minutes with a new emergency that makes the previous one look lame.
> I wish i had a life supply of Rockstar Energy Drinks.


Just follow that format and make some wishes. Make sure you quote the one you refer to for easier reading and understanding. Also after you corrupt their wish, you must make your own for someone to corrupt right under.

Have fun!


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## mariomike (14 Jun 2010)

Probably the same thought that runs through a lot of people's minds as they grow older, "I wish I had made a move on so and so."


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## vonGarvin (14 Jun 2010)

mariomike said:
			
		

> "I wish I had made a move on so and so."


Granted, but now So-and-So has ballooned to 500 pounds, requires constant medical care and is costing you thousands of dollars a year.


I wish that I were a rock star.


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## mariomike (14 Jun 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that I were a rock star.



You could claim condoms as a tax write off. On the other hand, someone might do a John Lennon on you.

I wish........I wish I could post the one about the Genie and the Three Wishes! hahaha


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## vonGarvin (14 Jun 2010)

mariomike said:
			
		

> I wish........I wish I could post the one about the Genie and the Three Wishes! hahaha


Granted.  But then you are banned for life from Army.ca for violating the site guidelines.

I wish I weren't surrounded by idiots.


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## gunnars (14 Jun 2010)

_
" wish I weren't surrounded by idiots."_

Then you would be surrounded by smart people and you would become the idiot.

I wish that push ups were a hell of a lot easier to do.


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## dapaterson (14 Jun 2010)

gunnars said:
			
		

> I wish that push ups were a hell of a lot easier to do.



Then you'd be posted to CFLRS and teach recruits all the time.


I wish that the CF's admin systems actually worked properly.


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## PMedMoe (14 Jun 2010)

dapaterson said:
			
		

> I wish that the CF's admin systems actually worked properly.



Then everything would run smoothly and you'd have nothing to bitch about.   

I wish my posting was earlier.


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## vonGarvin (14 Jun 2010)

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> I wish my posting was earlier.


Wish granted.  Now you're late, charged with being AWOL, convicted, and sent to Edmonton for two years less a day.

I wish I were taller.


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## dapaterson (14 Jun 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish I were taller.



Then you burst out of your clothes, get arrested for public nudity (again) and get locked up for 7-10 years in a dank hole with an even bigger guy named Bubba, who calls you his bitch.



I wish George Lucas had never made Star Wars I through III.


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## vonGarvin (14 Jun 2010)

dapaterson said:
			
		

> I wish George Lucas had never made Star Wars I through III.


Granted.  Michael Jackson bought the rights for the Star Wars franchise, he makes Star Wars I through III, and Ewoks are replaced by male child actors.


I wish I had never been arrested for public nudity.


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## PPCLI Guy (14 Jun 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish I had never been arrested for public nudity.



Granted.  But now you have to wear the "Borat Suit" to every Mess function til the end of time....

I wish that the Montreal Canadiens had not choked.


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## Luke O (14 Jun 2010)

PPCLI Guy said:
			
		

> I wish that the Montreal Canadiens had not choked.



Granted but Montreal would be flooded with beer and there would be mass riots still occuring.

I wish I had faster internet.


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## vonGarvin (15 Jun 2010)

Luke O said:
			
		

> I wish I had faster internet.


Granted, you now have the fastest internet in the world.  You also have the strictest firewalls, and can only access the cbc website, but are forbidden  from opening any links.

I wish I could have any woman I wanted.


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## neko (15 Jun 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Granted, you now have the fastest internet in the world.  You also have the strictest firewalls, and can only access the cbc website, but are forbidden  from opening any links.
> 
> I wish I could have any woman I wanted.





Granted, but after a few weeks you have seen so many women that you want you have to keep buying bigger and bigger houses to live in and you are now severely in debt.  You are so worn out from so many women that you can no longer please any of them. They have also all become best friends, so you are now hated by them all as you are cheating on each of them with their best friends.  Oh and they all want a divorce now.  Alimony will be a kicker.



I wish I had more money.


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## TimBit (15 Jun 2010)

> I wish I had more money.



Granted but now everyone wants a part of the treasure including the CRA, and since you've spent it all already you are arrested for tax fraud and sent to jail.

I wish I was on vacation right now.


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## Luke O (15 Jun 2010)

TimBit said:
			
		

> I wish I was on vacation right now.



Granted,  but your dream of a nice sunny vacation has been ruined by ungodly amounts of rain, along with hurricane like winds.


I wish my car was clean.


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## TimBit (15 Jun 2010)

Luke O said:
			
		

> Granted,  but your dream of a nice sunny vacation has been ruined by ungodly amounts of rain, along with hurricane like winds.
> 
> 
> I wish my car was clean.



Granted. But then you would not have the pleasure of cleaning it this weekend  ;D

i wish my tot were sleeping through the night...


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## The Bread Guy (15 Jun 2010)

TimBit said:
			
		

> i wish my tot were sleeping through the night...


Granted - look at how much energy your tot now has to create mayhem during waking hours!

I wish the office was closed today so I could be at home.


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## gunnars (15 Jun 2010)

"I wish the office was closed today so I could be at home."

Granted. but when you returned the next day you would have over a 100 voicemails and your email inbox would be jammed.

I wish I had the magic wand that all my clients seem to believe that I have.


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## PMedMoe (15 Jun 2010)

gunnars said:
			
		

> I wish I had the magic wand that all my clients seem to believe that I have.



Granted, but then your ability to satisfy clients would be known far and wide and everyone would come to you for everything, resulting in you having to take stress leave from work.

I wish _I_ could take stress leave from work.   ;D


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## neko (15 Jun 2010)

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> Granted, but then your ability to satisfy clients would be known far and wide and everyone would come to you for everything, resulting in you having to take stress leave from work.
> 
> I wish _I_ could take stress leave from work.   ;D





Granted, but the paperwork goes missing and as know one knows where you are you are listed as MIA and you don't get paid for years.
Not only are you ruined financially but the stress of the situation brought on two heart attacks and you are no longer able to work.


I wish all my housework was magically done for me each day while I'm at work.


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## vonGarvin (15 Jun 2010)

neko said:
			
		

> I wish all my housework was magically done for me each day while I'm at work.


Granted.  The housework  is done each day while you are at work.  By illegal immigrants.  Who then proceed to rid your house of such trivial items such as the fridge, the stove, your furniture, all your jewelry, etc.

I wish I would win the lottery.


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## DexOlesa (15 Jun 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Granted.  The housework  is done each day while you are at work.  By illegal immigrants.  Who then proceed to rid your house of such trivial items such as the fridge, the stove, your furniture, all your jewelry, etc.
> 
> I wish I would win the lottery.



Granted. You won the lottery but failed to realize it was only $50,000 before telling your boss where he could go and storming out of your job.

I wish I was 50lbs lighter


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## TimBit (15 Jun 2010)

Then you would look super fit and your son/pon/coy would give you twice the amount of kit to carry... Yippee!

I wish this game were less depressing...all those dreams shattered


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## DavieRocket77 (15 Jun 2010)

I wish this game were less depressing...all those dreams shattered  
[/quote] granted. The game is now joyful and enlightening but you are now hooked on anti-depression pills. I wish my Nov 1st BMQ start date was tomorrow


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## lstpierre (15 Jun 2010)

DavieRocket77 said:
			
		

> I wish my Nov 1st BMQ start date was tomorrow



Granted! But then you realize that you're at home on your computer typing on army.ca and not where your BMQ is supposed to be, and you get released from the CF for being a no-show!

I wish I could be rude to whoever I wanted, for any reason.


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## Fishbone Jones (15 Jun 2010)

lstpierre said:
			
		

> I wish I could be rude to whoever I wanted, for any reason.



Granted, you can now be Don Rickles, but Don Rickles will be dead soon.

I wish I had a free wish whenever I wanted a wish.


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## SeanNewman (15 Jun 2010)

recceguy said:
			
		

> I wish I had a free wish whenever I wanted a wish.



Yes, but then I would never be allowed to post on here and then everyone loses.

I wish that I could appreciate what I had more than I do, instead of always spending what I make even though I make more every year.


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## Gunner98 (15 Jun 2010)

Petamocto said:
			
		

> Yes, but then I would never be allowed to post on here and then everyone loses.
> 
> I wish that I could appreciate what I had more than I do, instead of always spending what I make even though I make more every year.



Granted.  You can no longer buy a replacement for anything, only new items of a different nature.

I wish people could read my thoughts but they only remember the positive things about me.


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## brandon_ (15 Jun 2010)

Simian Turner said:
			
		

> I wish people could read my thoughts but they only remember the positive things about me.


Granted, but now you get attention from shady characters who you've never met who know every positive thing about you. (witch would be very creepy.)

I wish it was august, so i could go on my BIQ already..


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## SeanNewman (16 Jun 2010)

brandon_ said:
			
		

> I wish it was august, so i could go on my BIQ already..



No you don't; you wish it were October so you could be done.  Also, if it were now there would be more mosquitoes than if you wait until the real August.  

I wish newborns weren't so useless and would just go to sleep when they're tired instead of screaming until you want to throw them against the wall*

*Note* Since this is the interweb and sarcasm doesn't translate well, I would not actually throw my child against a wall.  Or shake them.  Or spike them on the ground like a touchdown celebration.  Or use them like a club to kill my wife.


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## Cat (16 Jun 2010)

Petamocto said:
			
		

> No you don't; you wish it were October so you could be done.  Also, if it were now there would be more mosquitoes than if you wait until the real August.
> 
> I wish newborns weren't so useless and would just go to sleep when they're tired instead of screaming until you want to throw them against the wall*
> 
> *Note* Since this is the interweb and sarcasm doesn't translate well, I would not actually throw my child against a wall.  Or shake them.  Or spike them on the ground like a touchdown celebration.  Or use them like a club to kill my wife.



But then you wouldn't be thinking of creative and hilarous ways to damage said infant and with the loss of your sense of sarcasm you would also loose said wife and infant.

I wish that I was back in the forces...even back at CFLRS....


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## vonGarvin (17 Jun 2010)

Cat said:
			
		

> I wish that I was back in the forces...even back at CFLRS....


Granted.  But then you're found surfing the internet in your room, and then your internet is cut off.  Not just you, but the whole mega.  Then everyone hates you.  You no longer like it, and you wish to release, but they won't let you go, so you're stuck at CFLRS for twenty years.  You slowly go insane and isolate yourself from society.  After your death, you are buried in a common grave with no marker.  History slowly forgets you.

I wish that I had joined as a different trade, so that I could get promoted faster.


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## Jammer (17 Jun 2010)

Granted. You're now a pilot, but the only way you can effectively compete in the weekly
penis envy contest is by way of Viagra.

I wish I was back in the field.


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## PMedMoe (17 Jun 2010)

Jammer said:
			
		

> I wish I was back in the field.



Granted, but you're actually *in* the field, buried up to your neck and the birds are starting to circle.....

I wish I was thinner.


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## Gunner98 (17 Jun 2010)

Granted, you will now take on a skeleton-like profile and become known as SkeleMo'Money, one sip of beer and one peanut will sustain you daily.  Now you have to find something enjoyable to do with all of your free time and money. 

I wish my Masters degree was finished with Ottawa being a slowly fading image in my rear view mirror.


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## TimBit (17 Jun 2010)

Granted, but now that you have a Master's you are posted to Ottawa... for three years. Think of the drive back!

I wish it were Friday already...enough with this bloody week.


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## SARgirl (17 Jun 2010)

TimBit said:
			
		

> Granted, but now that you have a Master's you are posted to Ottawa... for three years. Think of the drive back!
> 
> I wish it were Friday already...enough with this bloody week.



Granted, but you had forgotten about and endless list of weekend household chores, yard work and errands, which you need to start on Friday and not even with three days of exhaustion do you even ten % of what needs to be done, done and now you can't wait to get back to work so you can get a break from all the nagging chores and work which awaits you come Friday.


I wish the next 3-4 years had already come and gone so things were already, hopefully, sorted, but that I could still look back and remember all the wonderful parts, all that I learned and achieved from during the 3-4 years which which by.


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## 57Chevy (2 Jul 2010)

Granted, but now you have to sort out by date the overwhelming quantity of undated
             photographs that you took over the last 5 years into paper photo albums,
             using little paste on corners, and adding comments and descriptions to each.

           

             I wish to be able to travel through time


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## vonGarvin (2 Jul 2010)

57Chevy said:
			
		

> I wish to be able to travel through time


Granted. You go back in time.  To Hiroshima.  One early morning in August, 1945.  You hear a single plane flying over head.  High above you.  You hear what sounds like a whistle, getting closer.  


I wish that Ghana didn't miss that penalty at the end of the match in extra time.


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## Sapplicant (3 Jul 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that Ghana didn't miss that penalty at the end of the match in extra time.




GOALLLLLL!!!! The stadium erupts in cheers, people are dancing, shouting, and hugging. Suddenly, a Japanese man with a black suit, expensive shades, and a giant knife pulls Suarez onto the field and forces him to commit Seppuku to save his family the shame and humiliation of having cost U-R-Gay (Homer's right, what a funny name) a shot at "football" glory. Also, the world instantly ends, and you never had a chance to impose your will. But I find $20 first.





I wish I had chosen the salad instead of teh soup.


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## Delta26 (3 Jul 2010)

Granted. And the salad is incredible.. Fresh field greens, Vine ripened tomatoes, all the favourites that you love in your salad, at the peak of flavour and freshness.... unfortunately the croûtons you decided to add to said salad were extremely old, and while biting one you crack a tooth, losing a filling in the process, and costing you thousands of dollars in painful dental reconstruction



I wish that i was heading out to BMQ


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## Alea (3 Jul 2010)

Delta26 said:
			
		

> Granted. And the salad is incredible.. Fresh field greens, Vine ripened tomatoes, all the favourites that you love in your salad, at the peak of flavour and freshness.... unfortunately the croûtons you decided to add to said salad were extremely old, and while biting one you crack a tooth, losing a filling in the process, and costing you thousands of dollars in painful dental reconstruction
> 
> 
> 
> I wish that i was heading out to BMQ



Granted... and then you get woken up at 500am every morning to immediately start a 5k run, get screamed on every day because there's dust on your pillow and you forgot a hair on your brush. Get stomach burns from eating in less than 20mn and have to stand up in back of class in order to not fall asleep on your books. Get bitten by mosquitoes in the fields and have to use the "sticky toilets" and no shower for 5 days. To top it all with a cherry on the sunday... you have no weekends out for the the first month and only wish you'd have a nice sunday morning coffee with the newspaper.

I wish Prince Charming existed!


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## Swingline1984 (3 Jul 2010)

Alea said:
			
		

> I wish Prince Charming existed!



Granted...but, I'm already married.

I wish I had a new Jeep.


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## Sapplicant (3 Jul 2010)

Swingline1984 said:
			
		

> I wish I had a new Jeep.




Shazam!! It's sitting in your driveway. When you go to drive it, in your elated state you throw it into 1st gear with the intention of backing out of your dooryard, and now your kitchen opens up into the garage.


I wish a Canadian team would win the Cup.



Edited for grammar.


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## Delta26 (3 Jul 2010)

Alea said:
			
		

> Granted... and then you get woken up at 500am every morning to immediately start a 5k run, get screamed on every day because there's dust on your pillow and you forgot a hair on your brush. Get stomach burns from eating in less than 20mn and have to stand up in back of class in order to not fall asleep on your books. Get bitten by mosquitoes in the fields and have to use the "sticky toilets" and no shower for 5 days. To top it all with a cherry on the sunday... you have no weekends out for the the first month and only wish you'd have a nice sunday morning coffee with the newspaper.



i must be a masochist, because that sounds like fun


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## Swingline1984 (3 Jul 2010)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> I wish a Canadian team would win the Cup.



Granted...only the team is the Bombers and the "Cup" is Lord Grey's.

I wish Pet had a Starbucks.


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## GloriaVictis (6 Aug 2010)

Swingline1984 said:
			
		

> I wish Pet had a Starbucks.



Granted! You become physically dependent on Starbucks quad-shot Americanos, and soon your addiction intensifies and you're drinking 10+ per day. Your savings account dwindles from the $5 coffees, and your cerebral dopaminergic system begins to fatigue from over-stimulation; neural lesions result. The caffeine also depletes your bones of calcium, and you end up with chronic osteoporosis. Plus, you have constant coffee-breath.  You lose your house and your job, and your friends abandon you because of your substance abuse. With no other options, and unable to feed your habit, you resort to eating the discarded coffee grinds from the dumpster behind the Starbucks.  :nod:

...I wish I could shoot laser beams out of my eyes.


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## vonGarvin (6 Aug 2010)

GloriaVictis said:
			
		

> ...I wish I could shoot laser beams out of my eyes.


And so you shall!  These are now Class IV lasers, and they incinerate everything you wish to look at.  In despair, you look at yourself in the mirror, instantly blinding you.  You cannot shut off the laser, and the SWAT team is called out to "take you down" because you have run into traffic, terrified at your new blindness.  After four officers suffer horrible burns from you laser-vision, they open up and you are brought down in hail of bullets.


I wish that Justin Bieber would just fade away!


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## agc (6 Aug 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that Justin Bieber would just fade away!



He does.  You are crushed when you realize he is your son and your time travel shenanigans prevent him from being born.

I wish they would reduce CRA to 35.


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## George Wallace (6 Aug 2010)

Stacked said:
			
		

> I wish I knew what CRA was.




Canada Revenue Agency

Canadian Revenue Act

Canadian Reiki Association

Computing Research Association

Corporate Research Associates Inc

Conestoga-Rovers & Associates 

Compulsory Retirement Age

Canadian Rental Association 

Calgary Rocketry Association

The Community Reinvestment Act 

Canadian Representatives Abroad

CRESCENT GOLD LTD - T.CRA:TSX


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## Thompson_JM (6 Aug 2010)

Stacked said:
			
		

> Look at that, my wish came true! I now know every possible meaning for "CRA".



You now feel a deep sense of loss and regret for not wishing for something better.....


I wish I wasnt so Tired


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## daftandbarmy (7 Aug 2010)

Tommy said:
			
		

> You now feel a deep sense of loss and regret for not wishing for something better.....
> 
> 
> I wish I wasnt so Tired



Granted. But then all your wheels would fall of and you'd be lying in the middle of the road where you'd be crushed by a painkiller addicted senior citizen in a runaway scooter making his way to to be first in line at the early bird special at Denny's.

I wish that Canada had an Airborne Brigade. Again.


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## Gunner98 (7 Aug 2010)

Granted, Canada once again has Airborne Forces that can be relocated on order to make up a Brigade but the Air Force has no money to pay for fuel for the new airframes.  The new government states that the military is no longer needed to fight wars so we can only deploy aboard frigates while wearing UN Blue Helmets and the news headlines continually scream "Another Somalia looms on the horizon". 

I wish my wife did not snore so loudly at night!


P.S. The correct CRA that was wished for was Compulsory Retirement Age.


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## Jorkapp (7 Aug 2010)

> I wish my wife did not snore so loudly at night!



Granted, she stops snoring at night, but then you can't tell whether or not if she's asleep, thus stopping you from sneaking out of bed to do the manly (or womanly) things she won't let you do during the day. 

I wish I didn't have to pay the hydro bill!


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## MedTechStudent (7 Aug 2010)

Guy Incognito said:
			
		

> I wish I didn't have to pay the hydro bill!



And so you shall not.  For you have conceived an ingenious contraption that can power your entire house, nay, the entire *street* using nothing but hamster power.  Sure you're hamster wheel lube and pellet costs may be slightly inflated, but thats nothing to you when you consider your hydro savings.  And don't forget how cuddly they are.

I wish the weather would be a bit warmer for Wakestock today.


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## agc (7 Aug 2010)

MedKAWD said:
			
		

> I wish the weather would be a bit warmer for Wakestock today.



It's 65 degrees.  You don't realize at first and walk out onto your driveway barefoot.  Your feet are scalded and you get a bad back from sleeping in the fridge.

I change my wish for CRA to the Canada Revenue Agency.  With only 35 people they can't possibly collect my taxes.


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## KrazyHamburglar (7 Aug 2010)

The CRA with 35 people and less than half of them doing actual work, the government cannot sustain the economic recovery and the services. The country collapses and we are back to the medieval age. 

I wish nobody could possibly find a way to turn my wishes into something negative.


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## Nemecek (7 Aug 2010)

No one will find a way to make it negative, because everyone has died from nuclear holocaust and you're the only person still alive.


I wish I could control people's minds en masse like Dionysus... or a Dark Archon from Starcraft: Brood War!


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## medicineman (7 Aug 2010)

Nemecek said:
			
		

> I wish I could control people's minds en masse like Dionysus... or a Dark Archon from Starcraft: Brood War!



Granted.  However, while having one of those days that elicits a mild suicidal ideation, one of your minions mistakes this for a command and does you in.

I wish people would respect the no talk rule in the men's room.

MM


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## agc (7 Aug 2010)

Granted.  Your stall has no paper, and water is shut off to the tap.

I wish for my propane tank to magically refill itself so I can cook the ribs I bought at the store yesterday.


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## medicineman (7 Aug 2010)

agc said:
			
		

> I wish for my propane tank to magically refill itself so I can cook the ribs I bought at the store yesterday.



Granted.  You're tank is full but your line has aged out and is now leaking gas everywhere, catching fire and cooking not only your ribs, but the rest of you as well.

I wish my teenager would pull his head out of his arse.

MM


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## armychick2009 (7 Aug 2010)

medicineman said:
			
		

> I wish my teenager would pull his head out of his arse.
> 
> MM



Granted! But then he won't stop talking to you about borrowing the car and the party he wants to go to and "Dad, can I have five bucks?" and of course, the never ending "You never treat me like an adult, I'm not a kid!" speech all teenagers throw at their parents and he obviously knows more than you and he'll keep mentioning that you know absolutely nothing and that you just don't get it. You'll want his head stuck back up his arse so he'll stop talking!


My wish?  That I can run non-stop for 10 k without wanting to die at the end, preferably in the next two weeks.


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## HavokFour (7 Aug 2010)

armychick2009 said:
			
		

> Granted! But then he won't stop talking to you about borrowing the car and the party he wants to go to and "Dad, can I have five bucks?" and of course, the never ending "You never treat me like an adult, I'm not a kid!" speech all teenagers throw at their parents and he obviously knows more than you and he'll keep mentioning that you know absolutely nothing and that you just don't get it. You'll want his head stuck back up his arse so he'll stop talking!
> 
> 
> My wish?  That I can run non-stop for 10 k without wanting to die at the end, preferably in the next two weeks.



Granted. But it will be done barefoot on a 10km strip consisting of rusty nails, stones, glass, and doggy dew.

I wish I had a real Iron Man suit so I may bring peace to the world, I also want Tony Stark's wealth and dashingly good looks.


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## MedTechStudent (7 Aug 2010)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish I had a real Iron Man suit so I may bring peace to the world, I also want Tony Stark's wealth and dashingly good looks.



Bizzam it is done!  However, the insurance rates on Iron Suits has skyrocketed, and the oil required to maintain the suits optimal performance somehow ended up in the feathers of a baby seagull.  So the suit will have to be more for display than anything else.  Tough break mate.

I wish someone would cancel the worst show in television, Whale Wars.


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## HavokFour (8 Aug 2010)

MedKAWD said:
			
		

> Bizzam it is done!  However, the insurance rates on Iron Suits has skyrocketed, and the oil required to maintain the suits optimal performance somehow ended up in the feathers of a baby seagull.  So the suit will have to be more for display than anything else.  Tough break mate.
> 
> I wish someone would cancel the worst show in television, Whale Wars.



Granted! But from now on there will be a Whale Wars movie released every 10 months in 3D with commentary by Paul Watson himself. There will also be endless ads for it on TV, merchandise, posters, and bulletin boards. Your entire family and circle of friends will all be addicted to it like preteens to Twilight.

Every major broadcasting corporation will also pick up the rights to show the movies on ever holiday.

I wish I had some ice cream, it's hot in here.


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## vonGarvin (8 Aug 2010)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish I had some ice cream, it's hot in here.


Granted, but the only flavour available is tuna.


I wish that I could master the afternoon nap.


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## medicineman (8 Aug 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that I could master the afternoon nap.



Granted.  However, you'll oversleep, wake up all punch drunk and be so out of it that the date you had with the one in a gazillion chick will turn into a flop...as well as an important body bit of yours.

I wish my mortgage was paid out.

MM


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## agc (8 Aug 2010)

medicineman said:
			
		

> I wish my mortgage was paid out.



Done.  You retire because you are debt free.  You forget to pay your insurance bill and a hurricane destroys your house.

I wish for a 4-day weekend.


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## vonGarvin (8 Aug 2010)

agc said:
			
		

> I wish for a 4-day weekend.


Your wish is granted.  From this point on, there is only one 4-day weekend.  Ever.  It happened 20 years ago, and people now work seven days a week thanks to you.  You are burned in effigy from the plains of Ukraine to the Mountains of the Andes.  You seek to escape society, but are found, and then forced to work just as everyone else does.

I wish that the Pepsi/Coke war would go from "cold war" to "hot".


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## medicineman (8 Aug 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that the Pepsi/Coke war would go from "cold war" to "hot".



Granted.  Each then begins hiring PMC's to roam the countryside, first meancing, then killing those that won't purchase and drink their products.  It makes the drug war in Columbia look like a ping pong game - all because of YOU  ;D.

I wish the price of gas would f*&^ing drop.

MM


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## Nemecek (8 Aug 2010)

medicineman said:
			
		

> I wish the price of gas would f*&^ing drop.



I say it is done, so let it be! Gas is now worth a quarter of a penny per barrel because new and zero emission fusion powered cars sweep the plant. In your gas guzzler, you are constantly assaulted and harassed by environmentalists because of your blatant disregard for the world or its health! In the country's eyes, you're worse than Stalin! You know people dumping paint and blood on other wearing fur? You're constantly drenched in oil and gas!  Have fun getting a date  :nana:


I wish I could eat anything I wanted at any time, and my body processed so efficiently that I never had to worry about getting fat or developing heart disease.


----------



## medicineman (8 Aug 2010)

Nemecek said:
			
		

> I wish I could eat anything I wanted at any time, and my body processed so efficiently that I never had to worry about getting fat or developing heart disease.



Granted.  However, as you're out enjoying your new found heart health, a large piano being hauled up into an apartment lands on your head, leaving you a heart healthy, but severely brain injured, carrot.

I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up.

MM


----------



## GloriaVictis (8 Aug 2010)

Nemecek said:
			
		

> I wish I could eat anything I wanted at any time, and my body processed so efficiently that I never had to worry about getting fat or developing heart disease.



Your wish is fulfilled! You can eat absolutely anything your heart desires, but you never gain an ounce. In fact, your metabolism is running so hot, that you begin to lose alarming amounts of weight, no matter how much you eat. Soon, you have to spend your entire day constantly consuming high-caloric foods to prevent yourself from wasting away. You even have to wake every few hours to have a snack. Eventually, you begin to look like Skeletor...and that's a hard look to pull off. 

I wish I owned my own tropical island.


----------



## ModlrMike (8 Aug 2010)

Granted! However it's nothing more than a barren lump of rock and sand in an endless ocean that stretches from horizon to horizon in 360 degree technicolour.



I wish people understood the meaning of the word emergency.


----------



## vonGarvin (8 Aug 2010)

ModlrMike said:
			
		

> I wish people understood the meaning of the word emergency.


Granted.  People still ignore the meaning, but they understand it.

I wish you _could _ compare apples and oranges.


----------



## a_majoor (8 Aug 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish you _could _ compare apples and oranges.



You _are_ able to compare apples and oranges, but discover the comparison isn't to your liking. It is all irrelevant anyway since your boss insists on using bananas as a basis of comparison.....

I wish I wasn't in Meaford.


----------



## Shamrock (8 Aug 2010)

Thucydides said:
			
		

> I wish I wasn't in Meaford.



Granted.  Welcome to Dundurn.

I wish the army didn't find a way to make everything suck.


----------



## pylon (8 Aug 2010)

Poof.. You're now in the air force!

I wish my ex wife would die have lived in another lifetime...


----------



## SprCForr (8 Aug 2010)

Bing! Your wish has been granted. She's now your Grandmother...

I wish the injectors on my truck were already changed.


----------



## Greymatters (9 Aug 2010)

Poof - Done!  But now you have plenty of free time to dig over the garden for your spouse's vegetable patch.

I wish it wouldnt rain so much on the west coast.


----------



## armychick2009 (9 Aug 2010)

medicineman said:
			
		

> I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up.
> 
> MM



Poor medicineman, I can't come up with something clever and... it looks like you'll never figure out what you want to be when you grow up.


----------



## agc (9 Aug 2010)

Greymatters said:
			
		

> I wish it wouldnt rain so much on the west coast.



The weather on the west coast is your own exact idea of perfect.  Every day.  Forever.  You are posted to St. John's.

I wish the essay I have to write was finished.


----------



## HavokFour (9 Aug 2010)

Greymatters said:
			
		

> Poof - Done!  But now you have plenty of free time to dig over the garden for your spouse's vegetable patch.
> 
> I wish it wouldnt rain so much on the west coast.



SHAZAM! The west coast is now a barren desert with an average temperature 60°C (140°F) every day all day.

I wish there was food in the house, I am starving.


----------



## vonGarvin (9 Aug 2010)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish there was food in the house, I am starving.


*Poof*  now your house is stocked with food, and as an added bonus, you are now a devout Jew.  And all the food is non-kosher.  So, you stay starving.

I wish that I had a nickle for everytime I heard people say "I wish i had a nickle everytime I heard that".


----------



## HavokFour (9 Aug 2010)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> *Poof*  now your house is stocked with food, and as an added bonus, you are now a devout Jew.  And all the food is non-kosher.  So, you stay starving.
> 
> I wish that I had a nickle for everytime I heard people say "I wish i had a nickle everytime I heard that".



Granted, but you are sadly crushed to death.

I wish I knew the secret of life.


----------



## Sapplicant (2 Jan 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish I knew the secret of life.



Granted. With this new knowledge comes the ability to talk to anyone you want, and convince them anything is possible. One night at the bar, you convince the perfect 11 you're talking to that she can save the whales by making out with you for 10 seconds. 5 seconds in, her enraged Mixed Martial Artist boyfriend catches you.


I wish I could go ski-dooing on Ottawa's bike trails in the winter.


----------



## vonGarvin (2 Jan 2011)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> I wish I could go ski-dooing on Ottawa's bike trails in the winter.


And so you shall.  You go ski-dooing on the bike trails.  Footloose and fancy free.  Too bad you were drinking before heading out.  What you *thought* was a bike trail was actually the Rideau Centre.  You are responsible for thousands of dollars damage, and you run over the 11 from the previous wish.  Her MMA pro boyfriend was unscathed.

























You weren't.


I wish that the spirit of Christmas lasted all year long.


----------



## brandon_ (3 Jan 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that the spirit of Christmas lasted all year long.


 Granted, Now living in christmas spirit, you also live in the season of christmas, It's -40 below all year long.



I wish My trip to Australia would come sooner.


----------



## RememberanceDay (12 Jan 2011)

Granted. Your hotel will be swept away in the floods.

I wish that I will finaly be able to buy my first horse, Bear. (Cherry bay OTTB, real sweetheart.)


----------



## Sapplicant (12 Jan 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> I wish that I will finaly be able to buy my first horse, Bear. (Cherry bay OTTB, real sweetheart.)



Done. This horse is amazing, this horse is strong, this horse is _fast._ You take it to Churchill Downs, to let it make a mock run. One of Ron Turcotte's grandchildren comes with you, to be the jockey. It *explodes* out of the gates, tears up the track. Your horse is just a givin'er down the final stretch, could it be? *YES!* 1:56.5 seconds, beating Secretariat's record by 3 seconds! However, as the horse is slowing down, it trips up, breaking 3 of its legs, one severely enough that it has to be euthanized.

But, hey. At least you got to beat a dead horse.


I wish I could get a pair of workboots that last for more than 2 years.


----------



## vonGarvin (12 Jan 2011)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> I wish I could get a pair of workboots that last for more than 2 years.



Done.  Your workboots are the best in the universe.  They can last 10 years or more!  But you lose your job, and you have to sell them to buy food.


I wish that the snow would stop.


----------



## aesop081 (12 Jan 2011)

I wish my posting message was sent to someone else......


----------



## vonGarvin (12 Jan 2011)

CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> I wish my posting message was sent to someone else......



Granted.  It's sent to your wife, and you're still posted.


I _really _ wish it would stop snowing!


----------



## aesop081 (12 Jan 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Granted.  It's sent to your wife, and you're still posted.
> 
> 
> I _really _ wish it would stop snowing!



Guess i have to wish for a wife now......


----------



## Alea (12 Jan 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that the snow would stop.



Poof! Eureka! No more snow. The grounds are all green again and roads all clear from ice. 
You now have all the time in the world to make that trip to Mars where you wanted to go for so long. Drive for hours and hours at a time and arrive on Mars land... get there and you now have to entertain Fiona's (Shrek's wife) twin sister and all there is to eat are green peas 

I wish my flue would just "fly away".


----------



## OldSolduer (12 Jan 2011)

And your flu has flown away....right to your significant other who passes it back to you. ;D

I wish I had made moves on several younger ladies..... >


----------



## vonGarvin (12 Jan 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> I wish I had made moves on several younger ladies..... >



You did.  And now the police have you:







I wish that tomorrow will be a snow day!   :snowman:


----------



## Alea (12 Jan 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> And your flu has flown away....right to your significant other who passes it back to you. ;D



Then my flu has really flown away in lalaland since... the "significant other" is unknow of me yet  Thank you Jim!


----------



## OldSolduer (12 Jan 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> You did.  And now the police have you:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


\\

TV When I say younger I mean late 20's and early 30's..... >


----------



## vonGarvin (12 Jan 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> \\
> 
> TV When I say younger I mean late 20's and early 30's..... >



Oh, I know.  Of course, the idea is to take your wish and twist it into utter despair for you ;D


----------



## OldSolduer (12 Jan 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Oh, I know.  Of course, the idea is to take your wish and twist it into utter despair for you ;D



Didn't work.....you oughta know better !!


----------



## navymich (12 Jan 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that tomorrow will be a snow day!   :snowman:



Granted.  But then you wake up to find that you live in North Bay and are in the Air Force!!


I wish that divorces meant that ex's disappeared!


----------



## JMesh (12 Jan 2011)

airmich said:
			
		

> Granted.  But then you wake up to find that you live in North Bay and are in the Air Force!!
> 
> 
> I wish that divorces meant that ex's disappeared!



Granted. They now annoy and attack you while invisible!

I wish I could play trumpet as well as Adolph Herseth.


----------



## RememberanceDay (27 Jan 2011)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> Done. This horse is amazing, this horse is strong, this horse is _fast._ You take it to Churchill Downs, to let it make a mock run. One of Ron Turcotte's grandchildren comes with you, to be the jockey. It *explodes* out of the gates, tears up the track. Your horse is just a givin'er down the final stretch, could it be? *YES!* 1:56.5 seconds, beating Secretariat's record by 3 seconds! However, as the horse is slowing down, it trips up, breaking 3 of its legs, one severely enough that it has to be euthanized.
> 
> But, hey. At least you got to beat a dead horse.





Aww... yer real nice. :evilrifle:


----------



## JesseWZ (28 Jan 2011)

JMesh said:
			
		

> I wish I could play trumpet as well as Adolph Herseth.



Granted, but while buzzing so furiously into your horn, your lips catch fire (friction) and severely burn the rest of your face. You are now horribly scarred, have no lips and can no longer play any brass or woodwind instrument... ever.

I wish that I had a rocket launcher.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (29 Jan 2011)

Granted unfortunately you have a bad case sense of direction and point that baby to the ground, Pulled the trigger because you got spooked and sent your behind to the moon. 

I wish I had a bad attitude


----------



## Sigs Pig (29 Jan 2011)

Granted:  http://www.badattitude.com/

But when the strings were tightened, seven ribs broke, punctured your lungs and you 'drowned'.

I wish the snow we are having would let up.

ME


----------



## Sapplicant (29 Jan 2011)

Sigs Pig said:
			
		

> Granted:  http://www.badattitude.com/
> 
> But when the strings were tightened, seven ribs broke, punctured your lungs and you 'drowned'.
> 
> ...



Granted. Your wife now hands you the shovel.

I wish I could get Picaroon's in Ontario.


----------



## vonGarvin (29 Jan 2011)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> I wish I could get Picaroon's in Ontario.


And so you shall.


Unfortunately, and unknown to you, the definition of "Picaroon" has suddenly shifted to mean "mange".  You go to the bar, oblivious of this fact, and there she is, the woman of your dreams.  You ponder, you pace, and then you work up enough gumption to go up to her.  You smile at her, and she smiles back!  You exchange pleasantries and small talk, warming up the quite obvious attraction you have for each other.  Then you lean in to her, close to her ear.  You can smell the wonderful scent of vanilla on her neck, and she feels your hot breath on her neck.  With eager anticipation, she leans into your lips, as you ask her:
"I'm going to get you some Picaroons".  Of course, you think you're telling her that you're getting her some sweet ale; however, all she hears is "I'm going to give you the mange".  

Disgusted, she recoils and looks at you as though you have gone insane.  With a quizzical look on your face, you simply ask her "What?  Don't you like Picaroons?  It's most satisfying on your pallet".  Now she has confirmed it: you *are* insane: why would you drink mange?

She gets up and leaves, and exclaims that you have just assaulted her.  The bouncers are on you in no time, and they toss you out into the street.  Feeling miserable, depressed and confused, you walk into the path of a passing Red Rocket streetcar, killing you instantly.  All that just for a Picaroons.


I wish my house would clean itself.


----------



## agc (29 Jan 2011)

Granted.  It works much in the same way my oven cleans itself.  The door locks and you stare hopelessly in the window as all your stuff is incinerated.

I wish this cold would go away.


----------



## OldSolduer (29 Jan 2011)

The cold will go, only to be replaced by malaria. >

I wish this freakin snow would go away.


----------



## Ignatius J. Reilly (31 Jan 2011)

Granted, but instead a powerful wash of acid rain will burn holes in one's shelter.

I wish my landlord would get around to fixing one of my storm windows.


----------



## OldSolduer (31 Jan 2011)

Ignatius J. Reilly said:
			
		

> I wish my landlord would get around to fixing one of my storm windows.



This he does by boarding up the entire house AFTER he as tossed you on the street!

I wish it was warmer.


----------



## Oldgateboatdriver (31 Jan 2011)

Granted, but it was because the Nuclear power plant ten miles away just blew up.

You now live in a moon like desert.

I wish I had a drink.


----------



## motox (31 Jan 2011)

I wish I had a drink.

Granted.  Enjoy your Shirley Temple.  Unfortunately it is the last drink you'll ever have...

I wish I could return my opened bluray disk "Cop Out"...wow that was horrible!


----------



## Nostix (31 Jan 2011)

I wish I could return my opened bluray disk "Cop Out"...wow that was horrible!

Granted.

Unfortunately, your next blu-ray purchase will mistakenly contain a copy of "Stop! Or my mom will shoot!".

I wish I was no longer on hold with my ISP's Customer Service hotline.


----------



## RememberanceDay (31 Jan 2011)

Granted, but now they say that your stuff will never be able to be fixed, and will pay thousands in false repairs.


I wish I can remember my speech...


----------



## Sigs Pig (31 Jan 2011)

"I wish I can remember my speech..."

You did, but when you delivered it, it caused the room of AA members to run to the nearest bar to 'forget' and the government fell due to the fact there were no MPs present for the budget to be passed.

I _really_ wish these house renos were completed...


----------



## Cui (31 Jan 2011)

Granted, but you hired incompetent contractors and the house came crashing down around you

I wish I get the call saying that I got into RMC soon


----------



## brandon_ (31 Jan 2011)

Cui said:
			
		

> Granted, but you hired incompetent contractors and the house came crashing down around you
> 
> I wish I get the call saying that I got into RMC soon


Granted, now you're first year student. You fail every class/task.

I wish my Swat boots are in soon.


----------



## Alea (31 Jan 2011)

brandon_ said:
			
		

> I wish my Swat boots are in soon.




There you go!
Tomorrow first thing, you find out the Swat Boots are in but... you have to return them because it's size 15 and you're only size 6  >

I wish I could go on vacation!

Alea


----------



## Newapplicant78 (31 Jan 2011)

Granted ... You got to the airport and find they couldn't find your reservation ... Are you sure you pressed ENTER

I wish for sunshine  :snowman:


----------



## Strike (31 Jan 2011)

Granted, except that sunshine isn't really sunshine, but a meteor rocketing towards earth.

I wish it wasn't Monday.


----------



## JMesh (31 Jan 2011)

Granted. You're now about to go to bed, on Sunday night.

I wish I didn't have to write this music history paper.


----------



## Alea (31 Jan 2011)

JMesh said:
			
		

> I wish I didn't have to write this music history paper.



Granted!
Now, instead they're asking you a 20 pages essai on the reason why female bees have 2 parents, a male and a female bee, when male bees only has 1 parent: the queen bee.

I wish I could go on vacation on a cruise to Alaska.

Alea


----------



## OldSolduer (31 Jan 2011)

Alea said:
			
		

> Granted!
> Now, instead they're asking you a 20 pages essai on the reason why female bees have 2 parents, a male and a female bee, when male bees only has 1 parent: the queen bee.
> 
> I wish I could go on vacation on a cruise to Alaska.
> ...


Granted, but in order to go one of your in laws decides that she and her daughter are coming along. The daughter is in danger of becoming an "Old maid". (truth is stranger than fiction)

I wish that someone in my life would follow through.

I


----------



## Strike (1 Feb 2011)

Granted, but that follow-through is in the form of a swinging bat at your head.

I wish I was done my course already!


----------



## opp550 (1 Feb 2011)

> I wish I was done my course already!



You are done. However, since you skipped an important section of it, when you need to do something with that knowledge, you screw up and end up killing yourself.

I wish I had the ability to dodge bullets and jump 30 meters in the air.


----------



## Sigs Pig (1 Feb 2011)

Done, but while showing off that prowess to a crowd of thousands, you forgot the ceiling was only 15 meters high.

I wish tonight was Sunday as I would like to relive Monday (turned out to be a decent day).


----------



## Ignatius J. Reilly (1 Feb 2011)

Sigs Pig said:
			
		

> I wish tonight was Sunday as I would like to relive Monday (turned out to be a decent day).


Granted, but the time machine malfunctions, and you get fast fowarded to a most terrible Tuesday.

I wish for a thick multitude of cash stuffed red envelopes on this Chinese New Year.


----------



## vonGarvin (1 Feb 2011)

Ignatius J. Reilly said:
			
		

> I wish for a thick multitude of cash stuffed red envelopes on this Chinese New Year.


Granted.  They are Reichsmarks from 1942.  Everyone thinks you are a nazi now, and are driven to alcoholism.


I wish that that snow storm hits NB so hard that we get the day off.


----------



## OldSolduer (1 Feb 2011)

Granted, BUT....the area is subjected to an intense heat wave the next three or four days....and now deal with floods.

I wish the media would stop with "Justin Bieber" fever.


----------



## The Bread Guy (1 Feb 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> I wish the media would stop with "Justin Bieber" fever.


Granted, leaving more time/space to hear about Lindsay Lohan's rehab, and Britney Spears' parental learning curve.


----------



## OldSolduer (1 Feb 2011)

milnews.ca said:
			
		

> Granted, leaving more time/space to hear about Lindsay Lohan's rehab, and Britney Spears' parental learning curve.



You didn't make a wish...... ???


----------



## The Bread Guy (1 Feb 2011)

Dohhh!



			
				milnews.ca said:
			
		

> Jim Seggie said:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


OK, I wish I can win this Friday's Lotto Max!


----------



## George Wallace (1 Feb 2011)

milnews.ca said:
			
		

> I wish I can win this Friday's Lotto Max!



Granted.  You now have to wait two years as the courts review the claims of fifty others who have come forward claiming they were in on your "pool".


I wish redundant questions weren't answered everyday on the site.


----------



## vonGarvin (1 Feb 2011)

milnews.ca said:
			
		

> OK, I wish I can win this Friday's Lotto Max!



Granted.  But due to a statistical anomoly, the 50 million grand prize numbers are found on 20 million winning tickets.  For your investment of $7.00, you get $2.50, a net loss of $4.50.


I wish that my briefing due to start at 1630 and go to 1800 would get cancelled and never rescheduled.


----------



## opp550 (1 Feb 2011)

George Wallace said:
			
		

> I wish redundant questions weren't answered everyday on the site.



There are no more redundant questions. They have all been replaced by questions so completely retarded they are original.



			
				technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that my briefing due to start at 1630 and go to 1800 would get cancelled and never rescheduled.



It has been cancelled. You now have no clue what is going on.

I wish I had a black belt in every single martial art known to man, as well as alll the ability that comes with them


----------



## RememberanceDay (1 Feb 2011)

Granted. You won a free, all-inclusive package tooo.... The south pole in the dead of winter! Unfortunatly, this package does not include parkas, or shelter 

I wisk for world peace!


----------



## vonGarvin (1 Feb 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> I wisk for world peace!


Granted, and you wisk a clean path in front of Parliament for years.  People throw old food at you, and you end up jumping off the Peace Tower in frustration.  Alas, world peace breaks out only after you die, and you never see it.

Now that my previous wish left me with no clue, I wish I had a clue ;D


----------



## JMesh (2 Feb 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Now that my previous wish left me with no clue, I wish I had a clue ;D



Granted. Colonel Mustard. You get no other clues. You can't tie a weapon or location to the murder, so he walks ...

... right into your house to kill you. >

I wish I felt as awesome as Barney Stinson does.


----------



## Sapplicant (2 Feb 2011)

JMesh said:
			
		

> I wish I felt as awesome as Barney Stinson does.



Granted. You also feel the same burning sensation when you pee, and notice some sores breaking out on your chest.


I wish RUSH would play Magnetic Hill.


----------



## Shamrock (2 Feb 2011)

Granted, but the magnets have created havoc with their collective pacemakers. The band now specializes in elevator muzac. 

I wish I worked in a drama-free office.


----------



## JMesh (2 Feb 2011)

ʞɔoɹɯɐɥs said:
			
		

> I wish I worked in a drama-free office.



Granted. The production of West Side Story ceases immediately and is replaced with an orchestra that repeatedly plays Beethoven's Third Symphony, "Eroica". You overhear the words, "Oh, My word, It's Beethoven's third" being sung to the cello opening (or really anywhere that motif comes up in the rest of the piece). You never get it out of your head.

Speaking of music stuck in the head, I wish I could get the Liszt Piano Concerto No. 1 opening motif out of my head.


----------



## Sapplicant (2 Feb 2011)

JMesh said:
			
		

> Speaking of music stuck in the head, I wish I could get the Liszt Piano Concerto No. 1 opening motif out of my head.



Granted. It's now replaced with this.


I wish I could work 9am-5pm instead of 10pm-6:30am.


----------



## Oldgateboatdriver (2 Feb 2011)

And your wish is hereby granted.

But it is because you were arrested and jailed for embezzlement and its you rehab job. You spend the rest of your day behind bars in solitary confinement.

I wish I knew someone who could bake a cake with a key in it.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (2 Feb 2011)

Granted

Sorry your dream of getting out has been shattered and the key leads to nowhere 

I wish I had a snow blower


----------



## dapaterson (2 Feb 2011)

AfroNinja said:
			
		

> Granted
> 
> Sorry your dream of getting out has been shattered and the key leads to nowhere
> 
> I wish I had a snow blower



Granted.  You have a snow blower.  It's broken down, heavy, and blocking the middle of your driveway.


I wish I was king for a day.


----------



## OldSolduer (2 Feb 2011)

Not a problem King dapaterson!! However a palace revolt led by the League of Village Idiots depose you before you can enact any meaningful laws.


I wish that people wouldn't stick their noses in my business.


----------



## Donovanpayne (2 Feb 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> Not a problem King dapaterson!! However a palace revolt led by the League of Village Idiots depose you before you can enact any meaningful laws.
> 
> 
> I wish that people wouldn't stick their noses in my business.



Granted. But now no one cares what you do or what you think. Your opinion no longer matters and slowly but surely you start to crave attention. No one will give it to you though, leaving you depressed for life. 

I wish for world peace.


----------



## Sapplicant (2 Feb 2011)

Donovanpayne said:
			
		

> I wish for world peace.



Granted. As soon as all the guns have been melted down, the aliens come and unleash the Zombies. 

I wish I could play in a band that doesn't suck.


----------



## OldSolduer (2 Feb 2011)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> I wish I could play in a band that doesn't suck.



Granted, but as soon as you join a Yoko Ono wannabe marries the musical genius of the band and persuades him to leave,....about five minutes after you join.

I wish that someone would unleash some zombies.


----------



## Teflon (2 Feb 2011)

Granted but as soon as they are you are indited by army.ca poster BrianHarris for inciting undead into violence under statutes of the criminal code of Venezuela

I wish people would stop thinking just because they are my "friends" on Facebook, that they can expect me to help them move!


----------



## Sapplicant (2 Feb 2011)

Teflon said:
			
		

> I wish people would stop thinking just because they are my "friends" on Facebook, that they can expect me to help them move!



Granted. Now they all expect you to adopt lost green cows, join them in fighting mafia crap, invite you to events that aren't even in the same province as you, and spam your "wall" with links you have absolutely NO interest in clicking. Your e-mail inbox is now flooded with facebook notifications, and you missed out on the e-mail from the Nigerian Prince who wants to share his fortune with you.


I wish I was fishing off the coast of Florida.


----------



## Donovanpayne (2 Feb 2011)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> Granted. Now they all expect you to adopt lost green cows, join them in fighting mafia crap, invite you to events that aren't even in the same province as you, and spam your "wall" with links you have absolutely NO interest in clicking. Your e-mail inbox is now flooded with facebook notifications, and you missed out on the e-mail from the Nigerian Prince who wants to share his fortune with you.
> 
> 
> I wish I was fishing off the coast of Florida.



Granted. But then a hurricane comes along, knocking you in the the ocean and out to the sea. Never to be heard from or seen again. 

I wish my room mates rather large live-in girlfriend would get a job, help pay the bills and stop being a mooch.


----------



## dapaterson (2 Feb 2011)

Donovanpayne said:
			
		

> Granted. But then a hurricane comes along, knocking you in the the ocean and out to the sea. Never to be heard from or seen again.
> 
> I wish my room mates rather large live-in girlfriend would get a job, help pay the bills and stop being a mooch.



Granted.  Now she's turning tricks in your apartment.


I wish this snow would stop.


----------



## RememberanceDay (2 Feb 2011)

Granted. Also, all the snow melts. At once. That means that the entire snow-covered parts also. So, doy, world floods and everyone dies 

Aren't I lovely?  ;D

I wish for another snow day tommorow!


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (2 Feb 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> I wish for another snow day tommorow!



Granted.
But having two snow days multiplies the backlog of "ACTION ITEMS" that need attention, and your weekend is hooped.

I wish I could rewind life about 6 months, as my Family and I have had an absolute blast for the past half-year!
(plus I want mag wheels.)


----------



## RememberanceDay (3 Feb 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> Granted.
> But having two snow days multiplies the backlog of "ACTION ITEMS" that need attention, and your weekend is hooped.



I can handle that!!


----------



## Newapplicant78 (3 Feb 2011)

GRANTED  However the mag wheels on your mobile home have Popped and your back to using Goodwill.


I wish tomorrow was my birthday


----------



## agc (3 Feb 2011)

Granted.  Nobody shows up for the party because of the short notice, and you don't get any presents.  You cry.

I wish that beer was a claimable expense while on TD.


----------



## jeffb (3 Feb 2011)

agc said:
			
		

> I wish that beer was a claimable expense while on TD.



Granted. But now you have the bender to end all benders blowing $1000 on beer in one week only to find out that you no longer get TD due to a new CANFORGEN and are on the hook for that $1000. (Too soon?) 

I wish the Toronto Maple Leafs, the greatest hockey team in the world, win the Stanley Cup this year.


----------



## vonGarvin (3 Feb 2011)

jeffb said:
			
		

> I wish the Toronto Maple Leafs, the greatest hockey team in the world, win the Stanley Cup this year.



They do.  The rest of the hockey world is blown away.


(There is NO WAY I am queering that deal: after their win tonight, I'm already planning the parade route) 

I wish I could plan the parade route _for real_


----------



## JMesh (3 Feb 2011)

Granted. We've gone back in time to 1967. TVs are black and white again, leaving the old jokes in tact (and funny as always)!

I wish the TV series JAG had ended later than it did.


----------



## OldSolduer (4 Feb 2011)

Granted. The JAG is now 80 years old and crippled with arthritis.  ;DThe female JAG has undergone menopause....and isn't hot any longer.

About all these JAGs do now is draw up wills in the JAG old age home.

I wish that we could all get together for a big party!! YYYEHHHHAAA


----------



## Newapplicant78 (4 Feb 2011)

Granted MP has crashed the party and now thanks to you we've all been written up for public intoxication. 


Thanks 

I wish someone else could do the household chores


----------



## Mudshuvel (4 Feb 2011)

Granted, however while cleaning, they tripped over a hockey puck and broke their leg, now you have to bathe them in addition to chores.

I wish I had six tonnes of gold


----------



## Sapplicant (4 Feb 2011)

Mudshuvel said:
			
		

> I wish I had six tonnes of gold



Granted. However, as you're making your escape from Fort Knox, you get shot through the back of the head by their top-notch marksmen. Multiple times. 


I wish MTV would cancel all of their "reality" shows, start playing music again, and bring Beavis and Butthead back.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (4 Feb 2011)

Sapplicant said:
			
		

> I wish MTV would cancel all of their "reality" shows, start playing music again, and bring Beavis and Butthead back.



GRANTED....but it sucks just as bad as every other show you _thought_ was rad the first time around....... 
(I thought I missed you, Golden Girls, but I was wrong.....sigh...) :-[

I wish this computer didn't have "VISTA" as an OS, and I had a new one that could open a wepage in less than twelve seconds!


----------



## HavokFour (5 Feb 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> I wish this computer didn't have "VISTA" as an OS, and I had a new one that could open a wepage in less than twelve seconds!



Granted. Your computer will now run on PupOS, it is powered by puppies and therefore loads pages in a fraction of a second. Unfortunately, a puppy is killed every time you load or refresh a page. 

I wish a Canadian team brings home the Stanley Cup this year.


----------



## Alea (5 Feb 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish a Canadian team brings home the Stanley Cup this year.



Granted! Stanley Cup is back in Canada and the huge party that follows its arrival on our soil looks like the G20 in TO with stores broken into, glass shattered, people in prisons, drug and alcohol abuse to celebrate etc... costing us millions of dollars in repairs and all.

I really, really wish my stupid neighboor would stop listening his music like he's in a discotheque so I could finally get at least ONE good night sleep.

Alea


----------



## HavokFour (5 Feb 2011)

Alea said:
			
		

> I really, really wish my stupid neighboor would stop listening his music like he's in a discotheque so I could finally get at least ONE good night sleep.



Poof! Your neighbour goes deaf and no longer listens to any music. However, after all this time listening to his loud music, every track he ever played becomes stuck in your head causing you to go insane.

I wish I had a little more Crown, and a little less Smirnoff.  :-[


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (5 Feb 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> Granted. Your computer will now run on PupOS, it is powered by puppies and therefore loads pages in a fraction of a second. Unfortunately, a puppy is killed every time you load or refresh a page.



Sorry to clog the thread, but..... :rofl:

(It took eight minutes, and almost shut down my computer for that smiley....)



			
				HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish I had a little more Crown, and a little less Smirrnoff



GRANTED.....Now in  communist RUSSIA......Rye drinks you!!!!!

I wish people remembered Yakov Smirrnoff.......   

edit for stupidity concerning basic spelling of 80's Comedian names.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (6 Feb 2011)

Granted We are all having a ball at your expense until we all realize what a party pooper it really is.


I wish I could live on an island.  :snowman:


----------



## HavokFour (6 Feb 2011)

AfroNinja said:
			
		

> I wish I could live on an island.  :snowman:



Granted. You now live on a sand island 9x9m in size with no vegetation or wildlife to speak of. Your only companion is a rock you have named George, and you eat nothing but your own peeling skin and drink nothing but sea water. The island is also guarded by a large portion of the worlds population of sharks.

I wish that this wish is nothing but beneficial to my well being.  >


----------



## RememberanceDay (6 Feb 2011)

Granted. Since it is beneficial to your being, A.K.A, your soul, you have now decided to give away everything you own, and live a simple life as a monk. That means no Superbowl, No TV, No Beer/alcohol, no nuns...


I wish that I will make the range team...


----------



## OldSolduer (6 Feb 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> Granted. Since it is beneficial to your being, A.K.A, your soul, you have now decided to give away everything you own, and live a simple life as a monk. That means no Superbowl, No TV, No Beer/alcohol, no nuns...
> 
> 
> I wish that I will make the range team...



Granted.....you do make the range team....as a brass picker upper.....kinda like the Water Boy, but you never get the chance to shoot.....

I wish that criminals would smarten up....


----------



## HavokFour (6 Feb 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> Granted.....you do make the range team....as a brass picker upper.....kinda like the Water Boy, but you never get the chance to shoot.....
> 
> I wish that criminals would smarten up....



Granted. The world is now run by evil geniuses.

I wish tomorrow wasn't Monday.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (7 Feb 2011)

Granted ...Time has been rewound just for you now have the pleasure of watching the Green Bay Packers beat the Pittsburgh Steelers all over again!


I wish I could win a million dollar poker game


----------



## RememberanceDay (7 Feb 2011)

Granted... But bad for you, it all goes to debts and taxes...

I wish that I can get my report in on time! And do a VERY good job!


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (7 Feb 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> I wish that I can get my report in on time! And do a VERY good job!



mmmMM....GRANTED!

Unfortunately, you've set your own bar so impossibly high, that any attempt at excellence you offer henceforth, is dismissed as being trite, jejune, and generally $hitty.....

I wish that the price of oil stays high, so that I continue not to be _buried_ at work, and actually get free time!
(I hate the price of gas being high, but I enjoy the occasional weekend off)


----------



## Sigs Pig (7 Feb 2011)

```
"I wish that the price of oil stays high..."
```

Ya got it!   But the gas pumps break down and the boss has you hand pump the gas for the vehicles on the long weekend.

Now I wish to go to sleep....


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (8 Feb 2011)

Sigs Pig said:
			
		

> ```
> "I wish that the price of oil stays high..."
> ```
> 
> ...



Haha! Granted/Defeated!
I'm a chemist, who tests and grades the fine petroleum we consume.....the more people that buy oil, the less sleep I get.
(I did spend some time as a gas-pumper though...I loved that job)

And....Granted.
You go to sleep, but the horrendous night terrors you experience negate the small bit of sleep you managed to get...so you wake up even more irritable, cranky, and dis-combobulated then when you went to ground.....

I wish for a (_little-teeny bit_) of snow in Nova Scotia tomorrow, so I can fix the "bobsled-style" track the Small Mallet and I constructed over the weekend.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (8 Feb 2011)

:snowman: UM GRANTED  Hearing what such fun you all were having  your grumpy neighbour puts in a friendly call to the city who ask you for your permit and since you did not think you needed one you have to cut your afternoon short and tear it down.  :'(



I wish I could have a whole civilization follow me.


----------



## opp550 (8 Feb 2011)

You get a civilization to follow you, but it is a weak civilization. To maintain their following, you institute a crude police state devoid of human rights. Very powerful civilizations see your brutal repression in your regime, and see fit to invade. Your civilization is armed...with spears and swords. Your enemy has fighter jets, bombers, aircraft carriers, tanks, etc. Your army is easily crushed and you are executed for your crimes and your people are freed from your tyranny.

I wish I could do work in my sleep.


----------



## JMesh (13 Mar 2011)

Granted. You toss and turn all night, partly due to the pens in your bed. You wake up more tired, and when you try to go back to sleep because you feel like you're going to crash, the cycle repeats.

I wish I didn't have 20 more assignments, tests, masterclasses and concerts within the next three weeks.


----------



## HavokFour (14 Mar 2011)

JMesh said:
			
		

> Granted. You toss and turn all night, partly due to the pens in your bed. You wake up more tired, and when you try to go back to sleep because you feel like you're going to crash, the cycle repeats.
> 
> I wish I didn't have 20 more assignments, tests, masterclasses and concerts within the next three weeks.



Granted, you lose the tickets to all the concerts giving you more time to study.

I wish Japan comes out of this disaster in as few pieces as possible.


----------



## vonGarvin (14 Mar 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish Japan comes out of this disaster in as few pieces as possible.


Granted.  But now that the island is 8 feet or so closer to Korea, Kim Jong Il has to reprogram his missiles.  Since Japan is in one piece, that means only one target.  "Dear Leader" blasts Japan back to the stone age.


I wish that Godzilla would attack North Korea instead of poor Japan all the time.


----------



## medicineman (14 Mar 2011)

Granted, however Mr "I'm so Ronery" fires his nukes at Godzilla, blasting him back to Japan, where he undergoes more radiation induced, genetic mutations and then gobbles up Tokyo (again) anyway.

I wish my kid would pull his head out of his ass.

MM


----------



## HavokFour (14 Mar 2011)

medicineman said:
			
		

> Granted, however Mr "I'm so Ronery" fires his nukes at Godzilla, blasting him back to Japan, where he undergoes more radiation induced, genetic mutations and then gobbles up Tokyo (again) anyway.
> 
> I wish my kid would pull his head out of his ***.
> 
> MM



Granted, but the results are... messy, and the smell never really goes away.

I wish summer would come around faster.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (14 Mar 2011)

Granted...Spring is around the corner but when it rains it pours.


I wish for summer shopping spree


----------



## medicineman (14 Mar 2011)

Black Betty said:
			
		

> I wish for summer shopping spree



Granted...You are the proud owner of a $15K shopping spree, however it's only good at the local Chevron and restricted to oil, washer fluid and radiator coolant...oil changes aren't included.

Along the same note, I wish I had a year's free Timmy's.

MM


----------



## vonGarvin (14 Mar 2011)

medicineman said:
			
		

> Along the same note, I wish I had a year's free Timmy's.



Granted.  Here is Timmy:






He's in your care for a year, for free.  It's all coming out of your pocket.


I wish that I knew the truth behind Schroedinger's Cat...


----------



## medicineman (14 Mar 2011)

Granted - but you have to crawl inside the box to find out - and the "kitty" is a very hungry Bobcat.

Now I wish that the new Timmy I've been bestowed with goes into a coma and ends up in the hospital as respite for me (call me an arsehole, I know)...

MM


----------



## navymich (14 Mar 2011)

medicineman said:
			
		

> Granted - but you have to crawl inside the box to find out - and the "kitty" is a very hungry Bobcat.
> 
> Now I wish that the new Timmy I've been bestowed with goes into a coma and ends up in the hospital as respite for me (call me an arsehole, I know)...
> 
> MM



Granted, but because he went into the coma under your care, you have been tasked to be his round-the-clock caregiver including spongebaths!

I wish my car never got dirty, inside or out.


----------



## JMesh (14 Mar 2011)

Granted. All the dirt that would have been on your car now follows it and you inside of your apartment, where it all finally comes to rest.

I wish my argumentative essay about capital punishment was finished.


----------



## vonGarvin (15 Mar 2011)

JMesh said:
			
		

> I wish my argumentative essay about capital punishment was finished.


Granted, it's finished.  You lose the argument and are sentenced to death....by writing argumentative essays by pen until you are dead.



I wish we would pick one "time" and stick with it, instead of flipping from Standard to Daylight Saving.


----------



## HavokFour (15 Mar 2011)

airmich said:
			
		

> Granted, but because he went into the coma under your care, you have been tasked to be his round-the-clock caregiver including spongebaths!
> 
> I wish my car never got dirty, inside or out.



Granted, you no longer have a car to get dirty.

I wish I had the cash to buy up some more MS points.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (15 Mar 2011)

Granted You rush out before answering the phone since a large sum of money has been deposited into your account which you happily spent buying MS points leaving 1.50 remaining. That missed phone call was the bank to advising you their system had a melt down and they are unable to transfer the funds out right away. Don't spend the money otherwise you will have to repay it all immediately. Your on the hook for 50G Your Lucky Day!



I wish I could get answers right away! (humour me folks) ;D


----------



## JMesh (25 Mar 2011)

Granted. Every answer is now 42  ;D

I wish I hadn't just pulled a pointless all-nighter.


----------



## Newapplicant78 (25 Mar 2011)

Granted. The hands of time have been turned back just for you. Snow Storm again anyone?


I wish the Toronto Maple Leafs had made the playoffs.


----------



## vonGarvin (25 Mar 2011)

Black Betty said:
			
		

> I wish the Toronto Maple Leafs had made the playoffs.



Granted.  They made the playoffs and won the Stanley Cup.....in 1967.  Too bad that was 44 years ago 


I wish that my Blackberry would stop ringing!!!


----------



## Bass ackwards (25 Mar 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that my Blackberry would stop ringing!!!



Granted.  Nobody anywhere wants anything at all to do with you. 


I wish I could meet the gorgeous, sexy, green-eyed redhead of my dreams.


----------



## AgentSmith (26 Mar 2011)

Bass ackwards said:
			
		

> Granted.  Nobody anywhere wants anything at all to do with you.
> 
> 
> I wish I could meet the gorgeous, sexy, green-eyed redhead of my dreams.



Granted. You do, but she's already taken.

I wish I won something other than the chance to play again in roll up the rim to win.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (26 Mar 2011)

AgentSmith said:
			
		

> Granted. You do, but she's already taken.
> 
> I wish I won something other than the chance to play again in roll up the rim to win.



Granted! You've won..._"one (1) extremely invasive tax audit"_ 
Congrats!

I wish I lived somewhere that wasn't geographically predisposed to 6 months of winter!


----------



## vonGarvin (26 Mar 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> I wish I lived somewhere that wasn't geographically predisposed to 6 months of winter!


Granted.

You now live somewhere that is geographically predisposed to 12 months of winter.  Welcome to Alert!



I wish it were socially acceptable to burp in public.


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (26 Mar 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Granted.
> 
> You now live somewhere that is geographically predisposed to 12 months of winter.  Welcome to Alert!
> I wish it were socially acceptable to burp in public.



Well played.....

Goo-gee-giggity-GRANTED!

Unfortunately, _burping_ is currency, and _flatus_ is considered a request for a substantial loan.........

I kinda wish I could buy a house with _flatus_.


----------



## agc (26 Mar 2011)

Granted, the credit check involves a scope.  Unlike a doctor, the bank manager will not sedate you.

I wish my OT message would show up.


----------



## RememberanceDay (6 Aug 2011)

Granted... But the OT turns out to be a man. An old, old man.

I wish that school had already started.


----------



## cupper (6 Aug 2011)

Granted.... But it's you going back to school, and there are no hot teachers to hook up with.


I wish that politicians would pull their heads our of their arses and start doing the job they were actually elected to do.


----------



## rmc_wannabe (6 Aug 2011)

cupper said:
			
		

> I wish that politicians would pull their heads our of their arses and start doing the job they were actually elected to do.



Granted, however their conceived "job" involves slashing military spending and we enter the "Dark Ages part 2" for the next 20 years.

I wish HLTA would come sooner.


----------



## RememberanceDay (7 Aug 2011)

cupper said:
			
		

> Granted.... But it's you going back to school, and there are no hot teachers to hook up with.
> 
> 
> I wish that politicians would pull their heads our of their arses and start doing the job they were actually elected to do.



I want to go back to school... Because I'm in school! Haha, Hot teachers? No thanks. Got a BF. He wouldn't be too pleased. ;P


----------



## BadgerTrapper (7 Aug 2011)

Hmm, don't think, Day actually asked something...so...

I wish my recruiter would finally get back to me about my Aptitude testing dates.


----------



## mariomike (7 Aug 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> I want to go back to school... Because I'm in school! Haha, Hot teachers? No thanks. Got a BF. He wouldn't be too pleased. ;P



Then this song is for you!  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewjxzSGmOGw


----------



## RememberanceDay (7 Aug 2011)

mariomike said:
			
		

> Then this song is for you!
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewjxzSGmOGw



No comment on that! :rofl:

Your recruiter DOES get back to you, but schedule the tests two years down the road...

I wish that my train will be on time Thursday.


----------



## BadgerTrapper (7 Aug 2011)

Granted, but you're sitting in a cabin devoted to obese males with body odour going to a "fat camp" They surround you on all sides, suddenly asking for the window seat wasn't a good idea....

I wish that something exciting will happen, this very night.


----------



## RememberanceDay (7 Aug 2011)

BadgerTrapper said:
			
		

> Granted, but you're sitting in a cabin devoted to obese males with body odour going to a "fat camp" They surround you on all sides, suddenly asking for the window seat wasn't a good idea....
> 
> I wish that something exciting will happen, this very night.




Granted, but it's a gang fight right outside your door, and since you went to investigate, you got shot and are now en route to the hospital. DOA.

I wish that I could be sailing right now.


----------



## NavyShooter (8 Aug 2011)

Granted....but you're now deployed in my place off the coast of Libya.

I wish I knew where the he!! I'm posted to....


----------



## BadgerTrapper (8 Aug 2011)

Granted, but you get posted back in Lybia in order to "Maintain stability as The Government changes".

I wish that it wouldn't rain for the next week straight...


----------



## RememberanceDay (8 Aug 2011)

Granted. Instead, it gets over 50C for a  month, a massive heatwave woth a drought. Again. 

I wish that my 853c would finally come in, like I ordered.


----------



## vonGarvin (8 Aug 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> I wish that my 853c would finally come in, like I ordered.



Granted.   It comes in, exactly like you ordered, complete with all the errors you made.  You now have an 853s, and it's pink, and it has a rainbow sticker on the back.  And a Jesus fish.

I wish this rain would just get over with already!


----------



## OldSolduer (8 Aug 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Granted.   It comes in, exactly like you ordered, complete with all the errors you made.  You now have an 853s, and it's pink, and it has a rainbow sticker on the back.  And a Jesus fish.
> 
> I wish this rain would just get over with already!



Granted, rain stops to be replaced by a blizzard of biblical proportions.


I wish the yard work was finished.....


----------



## Sigs Pig (8 Aug 2011)

"I wish the yard work was finished....."

You got it.... now here come the grasshoppers, in biblical proportions also.

I wish there were more boy scouts around to help the elderly across the streets...

ME


----------



## Jimmy_D (8 Aug 2011)

Sigs Pig said:
			
		

> "I wish the yard work was finished....."
> 
> You got it.... now here come the grasshoppers, in biblical proportions also.
> 
> ...



Granted, but as they help them across the streets, the boy scouts then bet up ppl and take their money and handing it to you. After a long investigagtion from the RCMP and MPs your sentenced to life in jail.

I wish my shoulder would heal up quicker so i can get out on the trails again before summer is over


----------



## opp550 (9 Aug 2011)

"I wish my shoulder would heal up quicker so i can get out on the trails again before summer is over"

Your shoulder has healed up miraculously! Your first reaction is to go for a hike right on a beautiful mountain. You accidentally took the short way off and are now a quadriplegic 

I wish my ROTP application will be accepted


----------



## OldSolduer (9 Aug 2011)

opp550 said:
			
		

> "I wish my shoulder would heal up quicker so i can get out on the trails again before summer is over"
> 
> Your shoulder has healed up miraculously! Your first reaction is to go for a hike right on a beautiful mountain. You accidentally took the short way off and are now a quadriplegic
> 
> I wish my ROTP application will be accepted



Done! ROTP here we come....too bad that the class you are in needs the "short bus" hockey helmets and mouthguards....

I wish the crap going on in Britain would cease


----------



## Jimmy_D (9 Aug 2011)

Jim Seggie said:
			
		

> Done! ROTP here we come....too bad that the class you are in needs the "short bus" hockey helmets and mouthguards....
> 
> I wish the crap going on in Britain would cease




Granted, but with the police capturing everyone, Britians correctional facilities have become over born, and have shipped the rest to Canada, so with that the criminals are now under control of our jurisdictions and their place to rest their head have raised Canadian taxes by 50%

Geez thanks JIM


----------



## Jimmy_D (9 Aug 2011)

oops forgot to make a wish,

I wish that the ppl would just get their damn heads screwed back on straight


----------



## RememberanceDay (10 Aug 2011)

Granted. They're straight, but backwards. 

I wish that I will pass my SFA/CPR C/AED/BM course in the four days I have.


----------



## Spooks (11 Aug 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> Granted. They're straight, but backwards.
> 
> I wish that I will pass my SFA/CPR C/AED/BM course in the four days I have.



Granted. You pass your courses as top candidate and move on to save hundreds of lives for the betterment of humanity. However, everyone becomes so reliant on you saving lives that at an (another) appreciation dinner, you choke and die on a Swedish Meatball because no one had any clue how to help you.

I wish my kid would magically figure out the benefits of being potty trained now rather than later.


----------



## vonGarvin (11 Aug 2011)

GhostofJacK said:
			
		

> I wish my kid would magically figure out the benefits of being potty trained now rather than later.


Granted.  While he acknowledges the benefits of being potty trained, he still prefers making doo-doo in his pants, in your pants, on the floor and the grass and the floor of the grocery store, etc....


I wish I knew what Colonel Sanders' 11 herbs and spices were.


----------



## HavokFour (11 Aug 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> Granted.  While he acknowledges the benefits of being potty trained, he still prefers making doo-doo in his pants, in your pants, on the floor and the grass and the floor of the grocery store, etc....
> 
> 
> I wish I knew what Colonel Sanders' 11 herbs and spices were.



A stranger in a black trench coat walks up to you one day on the street and hands you a piece of paper without saying a word, and walks away. On this paper are the exact measurements of Colonel Sanders' 11 herbs and spices. You are _"disappeared"_ a short time after reading it.

I wish I had a 3D printer.


----------



## BadgerTrapper (11 Aug 2011)

Granted, however you become completely self sufficient and begin printing off more 3D printers. Wal-Mart feels you are a threat and murders you.

I wish that common sense was, you know. Common..


----------



## Maxadia (11 Aug 2011)

BadgerTrapper said:
			
		

> I wish that common sense was, you know. Common..



Granted: However, it's the same common sense that everyone on the planet uses, hence the name common, and unfortunately someone uses their dumb common sense to  run you over while they are texting their friend about how hard it is to program their GPS and stir their Starbucks while driving.

I wish that  "common sense" was a few more points up the IQ level.


----------



## BadgerTrapper (11 Aug 2011)

Granted, those affected by a lack of "common sense" are now able to perform typical motor functions, such as walking, talking and breathing. This will later backfire when Darwin's Theory fails to take effect.

I wish those who lacked Common Sense had a LOWER IQ, so they can weed themselves out.


----------



## Jimmy_D (12 Aug 2011)

BadgerTrapper said:
			
		

> Granted, those affected by a lack of "common sense" are now able to perform typical motor functions, such as walking, talking and breathing. This will later backfire when Darwin's Theory fails to take effect.
> 
> I wish those who lacked Common Sense had a LOWER IQ, so they can weed themselves out.



Granted, but with in a week, guys in white trench coat walk up to you, give you a lolly pop, stick you into a padded van. Wrap you up in a straight jacket. Give you your own white padded room with a TV with 24/7 teletubies.

I wish that the police would do more community patroling to slow the speeders down in HIGH CHILDREN AREAS instead of acting like a QRF


----------



## mariomike (12 Aug 2011)

Jimmy_D said:
			
		

> I wish that the police would do more community patroling to slow the speeders down in HIGH CHILDREN AREAS instead of acting like a QRF



Granted. Your town becomes the new "Speed Trap Capital of North America":
http://toronto.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20100902/speed-trap-100902/20100902/?hub=TorontoNewHome

I wish summer would last longer.


----------



## cupper (12 Aug 2011)

mariomike said:
			
		

> Granted. Your town becomes the new "Speed Trap Capital of North America":
> http://toronto.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20100902/speed-trap-100902/20100902/?hub=TorontoNewHome
> 
> I wish summer would last longer.



Granted, however, now that global warming has taken over, the NHL will be forced to relocate all of the teams out of the sub belt. And Canada is officially now part of the sun belt.

I wish that Maine disappeared so I wouldn't have to spend 5 f'n hours looking at nothing but trees every time I drive back to Nova Scotia.


----------



## GnyHwy (12 Aug 2011)

cupper said:
			
		

> I wish that Maine disappeared so I wouldn't have to spend 5 f'n hours looking at nothing but trees every time I drive back to Nova Scotia.



Granted, but your well informed global warming info has bit you in your ass.  Now, because of the lack of tress, the entire east coast is either swamp or ocean.

I wish I was smarter than I think I am.


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## Hammer Sandwich (13 Aug 2011)

GnyHwy said:
			
		

> I wish I was smarter than I think I am.


Granted;

_*X is 3/4 of 5;
to an cos y of 3/16.78to the >5 of/ 59.7877 to (9% of Y+17).
When; 67 of an 8 is 78% of TRI is 58% of the soln.*_

(X being 38.877645)
(TRI being 490.61540)



and that's your ATM code.

I wish that my deck didn't need to be stripped....with NaOH.....and someone could remedy my aching nostrils & hands....


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## BadgerTrapper (25 Aug 2011)

Granted, you no longer have to strip your deck. You burnt it down instead, now you must build a new one.

I wish that this thread does not die due to over technical science terms again.


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## GnyHwy (25 Aug 2011)

BadgerTrapper said:
			
		

> Granted, you no longer have to strip your deck. You burnt it down instead, now you must build a new one.
> 
> I wish that this thread does not die due to over technical science terms again.



Granted, but without any advanced speech or science, we are reduced to simple topics using only words that have less than 5 letters.

I wish I knew what I know now, when I was 20. (I'm 40 now)


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## Hammer Sandwich (25 Aug 2011)

GnyHwy said:
			
		

> Granted, but without any advanced speech or science, we are reduced to simple topics using only words that have less than 5 letters.



Me wish you have great succe....enjo.......apprec.......WIN!



			
				GnyHwy said:
			
		

> I wish I knew what I know now, when I was 20. (I'm 40 now)



But then your vast knowledge would only impress 20-year olds......and your peers find you ideas "immature and childish".

I wish afordable housing wasn't SO DAMN SMALL....(anyone on the economy around 12 wing knows what I'm talking about)


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## RememberanceDay (25 Aug 2011)

Granted... But then as affordable housing expands into mansions, more and more families clamour for them as taxes rise so high to afford building them... forcing you to move into a 'mansion' with 30 other families.... and 10 bathrooms.

I wish that I could fix my damn boat already.


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## Maxadia (26 Aug 2011)

Granted.  Unfortunately, said repaired boat allows you to go sailing where you fall overboard and drown.

I wish kids went back to not playing so many video games....


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## Spooks (26 Aug 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> I wish that my deck didn't need to be stripped....with NaOH.....and someone could remedy my aching nostrils & hands....



Would you rather use H2SO4?



			
				RDJP said:
			
		

> Granted.  Unfortunately, said repaired boat allows you to go sailing where you fall overboard and drown.
> 
> I wish kids went back to not playing so many video games....



Granted! No video games makes them seek other ways to spend their time. This, in turn, leads them to their parents who are off doing things they would normally have time to do while the kids play video games (like golf or shop). Parents now have spend time with their kids _all the time_. All work and no play make parents very very dull. Unfortunately, you are now the known cause for parental suicide and/or child homicide rates skyrocketting. Good job, keener.

I wish to logically and empirically deduce that there is a god.


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## Hammer Sandwich (26 Aug 2011)

GhostofJacK said:
			
		

> Would you rather use H2SO4?



Not really, stuff scares the hell out of me....got some on my boot the other day.
Nasty stuff.


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## Hammer Sandwich (26 Aug 2011)

GhostofJacK said:
			
		

> I wish to logically and empirically deduce that there is a god.



Granted! 
but upon discovering God, he has logically and empirically deduced that _you_ don't exist.....

I'm wishing that I had a nice big hunk of meat to throw on the grill after work.


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## HavokFour (26 Aug 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> Granted!
> but upon discovering God, he has logically and empirically deduced that _you_ don't exist.....
> 
> I'm wishing that I had a nice big hunk of meat to throw on the grill after work.



Granted, it's still moo'ing and breaks your grill. You are charged with animal abuse and PETA sends you nasty hate mail every day for a year while you serve your sentence.

I wish winter would come faster.


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## vonGarvin (26 Aug 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish winter would come faster.


It does.  It comes really fast.  Too fast for spring, who promptly leaves and ends up bedding down with Autumn.



I wish that this frigging cat were declawed.


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## cupper (26 Aug 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that this frigging cat were declawed.



Congratulations!!! You are the proud owner of a declawed cat that no sprays all over everything, including its owner.


I wish Irene would get over all ready


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## BadgerTrapper (19 Sep 2011)

Granted, however it blows 150 KM/H and rips your house off the foundation. In my corner of the world, I however mowed the lawn.

I wish that the Military would stop bumping Aptitude testing dates..


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## SeaKingTacco (19 Sep 2011)

BadgerTrapper said:
			
		

> Granted, however it blows 150 KM/H and rips your house off the foundation. In my corner of the world, I however mowed the lawn.
> 
> I wish that the Military would stop bumping Aptitude testing dates..



Granted- the test was yesterday (and you missed it)!

I wish my kids would stop fighting... :-\


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## RememberanceDay (19 Sep 2011)

Granted... Your kids stop fighting after one shoots the other.

I wish that I survive the next week.


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## OldSolduer (20 Sep 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> Granted... Your kids stop fighting after one shoots the other.
> 
> I wish that I survive the next week.




Not a problem....you survive.

But you get hitched to a "Projects R Me that you will do"Woman.


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## BadgerTrapper (22 Sep 2011)

Jim, you forgot to make a wish. I am disappointed in you, oh so wise Milnet veteran.

I wish the weekend would come one day earlier so I can go moose hunting...


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## cupper (22 Sep 2011)

BadgerTrapper said:
			
		

> Jim, you forgot to make a wish. I am disappointed in you, oh so wise Milnet veteran.
> 
> I wish the weekend would come one day earlier so I can go moose hunting...



Granted, but the season closed today.

I wish that all of the politicians and their backers and critics disappear from the face of the Earth.


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## NavyShooter (9 Oct 2011)

Granted, but now the officers are in charge!

I wish this post-deployment kitchen reno was over and done with....god I hate drywall.


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## BadEnoughDudeRescueRonny (9 Oct 2011)

My wish is a LOT like NavyShooter's: I wish that the kitchen reno in my home is done and over with. The drywall's all done, but it's just hanging new custom cabinets  :crybaby: . *I wish that cabinets hung themselves.....and that they are level and hung in the right order*.

Besides that, happy  :RstTrky: Day everyone!


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## HavokFour (9 Oct 2011)

NavyShooter said:
			
		

> Granted, but now the officers are in charge!
> 
> I wish this post-deployment kitchen reno was over and done with....god I hate drywall.



Granted, you are now building with asbestos slates.



			
				BadEnoughDude said:
			
		

> My wish is a LOT like NavyShooter's: I wish that the kitchen reno in my home is done and over with. The drywall's all done, but it's just hanging new custom cabinets  :crybaby: . *I wish that cabinets hung themselves.....and that they are level and hung in the right order*.
> 
> Besides that, happy  :RstTrky: Day everyone!



Granted, your new cabinets are installed! You've put them in perfectly except for one little detail... they are backwards and are now unable to be opened and closed.


I wish winter would hurry up and get here, there are some plump fish waiting to be ice fished in the St. Lawrence.


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## Nault_army (10 Oct 2011)

Wish granted, but now there's a snowstorm and you still need to shovel your drive way that has 4 feet high of snow in it, and your boss insists that you still come to work , even though the roads are horrid and you're late for work !

I wish university wasn't so stressful !


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## aesop081 (10 Oct 2011)

Nault_army said:
			
		

> I wish university wasn't so stressful !



Granted, your classes are now the easiest in the world. Of course, the degree program you re now in will not get you a job anywhere.

I wish it was February 8, 2013.


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## vonGarvin (10 Oct 2011)

CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> I wish it was February 8, 2013.


Granted.  It is February 8, 2013.  BC.  You are transported back to that time, and are immediately drafted to fight in the Ur–Amorite wars.  You don't survive your first battle.


I wish that turkey weren't so damned addictive!!!!


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## observor 69 (10 Oct 2011)

CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> Granted, your classes are now the easiest in the world. Of course, the degree program you re now in will not get you a job anywhere.I wish it was February 8, 2013.



From the profile of Nault_army," After my cadet career, I'm planning on applying to Ottawa University for Nursing Sciences." 

Assuming she completes her degree of Nursing Science she will be very employable.


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## RememberanceDay (10 Oct 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that turkey weren't so damned addictive!!!!



Granted. It isn't addictive, for everyone but you. Unfortunately, companies do not cater to customers, and all the wild turkey have gone into hiding. So, no addictive turkey for you!

I wish that I will get my report handed in on time, to the right professor, and the right thing is completed!


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## aesop081 (10 Oct 2011)

Baden  Guy said:
			
		

> From the profile of Nault_army," After my cadet career, I'm planning on applying to Ottawa University for Nursing Sciences."
> 
> Assuming she completes her degree of Nursing Science she will be very employable.



I beleive you have missed the point.......Nursing was too stressful.........i granted her wish and put her into something less stressful......

Get it now ?


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## PJGary (10 Oct 2011)

RemembranceDay said:
			
		

> Granted. It isn't addictive, for everyone but you. Unfortunately, companies do not cater to customers, and all the wild turkey have gone into hiding. So, no addictive turkey for you!
> 
> I wish that I will get my report handed in on time, to the right professor, and the right thing is completed!



Granted, he gives you an F, and tells you that you are evil for eating meat.

I wish I didn't have to go to dunfundurn in a couple weeks.


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## cupper (10 Oct 2011)

PJGary said:
			
		

> Granted, he gives you an F, and tells you that you are evil for eating meat.
> 
> I wish I didn't have to go to dunfundurn in a couple weeks.



Granted, but now you are going to Aldershot.

I wish that this ear infection would go the F away!!!!!


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## HavokFour (11 Oct 2011)

cupper said:
			
		

> Granted, but now you are going to Aldershot.
> 
> I wish that this ear infection would go the F away!!!!!



Granted, you now have a yeast infection.

I wish my package would hurry up and get here!  ullhair:


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## vonGarvin (11 Oct 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> I wish my package would hurry up and get here!  ullhair:



Your package arrives while you are playing basketball, "Mr. Nelson":








I wish my laundry would do itself.....


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## BadEnoughDudeRescueRonny (12 Oct 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> Granted, your new cabinets are installed! You've put them in perfectly except for one little detail... they are backwards and are now unable to be opened and closed.



The strange thing is that even though the new cabinets are installed backwards, there are still somehow dishes and spices in them. Not sure as to how this happened . My wish is to figure out how the backwards cabinets got filled  ;D .


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## cupper (12 Oct 2011)

BadEnoughDude said:
			
		

> The strange thing is that even though the new cabinets are installed backwards, there are still somehow dishes and spices in them. Not sure as to how this happened . My wish is to figure out how the backwards cabinets got filled  ;D .



Granted, but due to the overwhelming amount of glue and paint fumes you inhaled while installing the cabinets (reason they were backwards in the first place) you suffer from memory loss so now you've forgotten the answer, not to mention the original question.

I wish the hockey media would stop with the daily questions about Crosby's concussion.


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## Nault_army (14 Oct 2011)

Wish granted, there no longer is research to keep your favorite hockey players' heads safe and they're lives/brains are being put at risk.

I wish Jersey Shore (the dumbest show on television) didn't exist.


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## GnyHwy (14 Oct 2011)

> I wish Jersey Shore (the dumbest show on television) didn't exist.


 
Granted, but now that they have never been employed as such, they have pursued other careers and are now your boss.

I wish Murphy would just give up a frig off!  I will win.


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## BadEnoughDudeRescueRonny (16 Oct 2011)

Similar to an above wish, I wish that any inane show involving "real" housewives from anywhere didn't exist. I also wish that those "real" housewives actually had to live realistic lives and not act like a bunch of spoiled brats.


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## PJGary (18 Oct 2011)

BadEnoughDude said:
			
		

> Similar to an above wish, I wish that any inane show involving "real" housewives from anywhere didn't exist. I also wish that those "real" housewives actually had to live realistic lives and not act like a bunch of spoiled brats.



Granted,

But now the number of shows about toddler beauty pageants have gone up fiftyfold, and instead of being forced to watch spoiled rich women complain, you are now forced to watch 350lb women wearing 172lbs of makeup scream at 4 year olds who then cry for the entire remainder of the show (this is mostly speculation as I can't bring myself to actually watch one). You have doomed us all.

I wish my cat would stop shedding all over EVERYTHING.


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## vonGarvin (18 Oct 2011)

PJGary said:
			
		

> I wish my cat would stop shedding all over EVERYTHING.


Granted.  Your cat now shreds over nothing.  More specifically, it has discovered the void between existance and non-existance.  It has, in other words, made that cat owned by Schroedinger rather obselete.

Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.
Unfortunately, it has created a loop in the time/space continuum, such that your life keeps repeating itself.



I wish that I could figure out how to change the date on my stupid analog Swatch...


----------



## Hammer Sandwich (18 Oct 2011)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I wish that I could figure out how to change the date on my stupid analog Swatch...



Granted....but now you're transpoted back to 1994, and YOU OWN A SWATCH......



I wish beer was cheaper, and didn't cause hangovers.


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## GnyHwy (18 Oct 2011)

Hammer Sandwich said:
			
		

> I wish beer was cheaper, and didn't cause hangovers.



Granted.  No hangovers and it's only pennies per bottle, but it don't get you drunk.

I wish I was drunk.


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## cupper (18 Oct 2011)

GnyHwy said:
			
		

> Granted.  No hangovers and it's only pennies per bottle, but it don't get you drunk.
> 
> I wish I was drunk.



Granted, but you've been tossed in the tank for public intoxication.

I wish my pay check went further.


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## HavokFour (18 Oct 2011)

cupper said:
			
		

> Granted, but you've been tossed in the tank for public intoxication.
> 
> I wish my pay check went further.



Granted, it's mailed to a small Kenyan village.

I wish it was easier to remove tar from jeans.


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## cupper (18 Oct 2011)

HavokFour said:
			
		

> Granted, it's mailed to a small Kenyan village.
> 
> I wish it was easier to remove tar from jeans.



Granted, but it also removes the jeans.

I wish for eternal happiness


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## RememberanceDay (18 Oct 2011)

Granted, everyone is smiling and happy, except for you.

I wish my english report would write itself correctly, without any errors or goof-ups on the topic required as the prof layed it out.


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## PJGary (19 Oct 2011)

Granted, you hand it in and your prof loves it, so much so he asks you to stand up in class and explain your paper to everyone, which you cannot, as you didn't write it. You fail the class.

I wish that I had a never expiring beard chit  ;D


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