# Girlfriends



## FightingIrish (19 Aug 2006)

does anyone else out there have a girlfriend/ significant other who hates the army. my gf hates the army and me being in it. shes even gone so far as to say that if i go away anywhere she dosnt want to be with me. i dont know what to do and everyone i going to say i sound like a love sick puppy but i am really torn. anyone ese out there have this problem or anyone got advice.


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## zipperhead_cop (19 Aug 2006)

Depends on what you care more about.  Her or your career.  Whatever you decide, you have to live with.  If she is some sort of hippie chick that is against the military, maybe you can educate her.  But if she is too keyed up about the idea of you being in harms way, that may be a deal breaker.  
If you ditch the military, will she give you everything that you will always need?  Is she bluffing?  All things you need to deal with.  You probably know the answer already, so just smash on.  
You could also just avoid the topic of deployment, and delay the situation?  Just a few thoughts.

Zipperhead_Phil


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## Bruce Monkhouse (19 Aug 2006)

Tell her to hit the road or instead, you can enjoy being her lapdog for a few more years until she finds someone else she can make those kind of whiny threats to......

Moderator_Phil


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## The Bread Guy (19 Aug 2006)

Go with what yer gut tells you.  What yer gut REALLY tells you.


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## Springroll (19 Aug 2006)

FightingIrish said:
			
		

> does anyone else out there have a girlfriend/ significant other who hates the army. my gf hates the army and me being in it. shes even gone so far as to say that if i go away anywhere she dosnt want to be with me. i dont know what to do and everyone i going to say i sound like a love sick puppy but i am really torn. anyone ese out there have this problem or anyone got advice.



Well, FightingIrish, this sounds typical of being 17 and "in love".  

The choice is ultimately yours, but as I am sure many people have experienced, "love" at 17 doesn't last. It would probably be easier on you to break up with her and worry about your career for some time before getting involved again. Then when you feel ready to move on, look for a girl who will support you no matter what you do. 

I have been lucky with ym husband being as supportive of me joining as with anything else I have ventured on to do...and to be realistic, if he didn't support me, we probably wouldn't be together. Support of each other is extremely important in a relationship, and if it isn't there, would you want to waste your time in that relationship?

I hope this helps clears the path for you a bit.


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## patt (19 Aug 2006)

I've seen your from barrie what school do you attend? 

anyways back on topic..

i have a Girlfriend shes only 17 and im 19. im in the process of joining right now she doesnt like the idea much (she isnt an anti-war hippie) she doesnt like the fact i could get hurt but She supports my idea because she knows its something i really want to do. ive talked to her many times about it and shes seemed to ease off a bit.


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## Red 6 (19 Aug 2006)

Irish- I saw more Soldiers than I could count during my career who had girl troubles over their service. I will say one thing that I hope you take to the bank- relationships are built on acceptance. If she won't accept you and your status as a Soldier, than that's her problem, not yours. Be honest with her and explain where you're coming from. Hopefully, she'll understand and recognize how important the Army is to you. If she doesn't, it's for her to sort out.


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## Jaxson (19 Aug 2006)

milnewstbay said:
			
		

> Go with what yer gut tells you.  What yer gut REALLY tells you.



Make sure its your gut and not another lower body organ.


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## paracowboy (19 Aug 2006)

you want to be a soldier. That demonstrates something about your personality. Not what you want to do, but rather, what you ARE right now. She can't accept that, she doesn't accept you. She's trying to control your behaviour now, imagine in 10 years.

Do you want to look back in 15 years, having gone through (on average) 2 serious relationships, several crap relationships, and a marriage (either successful or failed) and wonder if you would have had the parts to soldier?


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## Armymedic (19 Aug 2006)

Are you too ugly to met other girls? Socially inept, perhaps? You live in Petawawa?

Then there is no good reason why you have to stay with that particular girlfriend. Currently 51% of the earths population is made up of females. If the one you are with doesn't like the person you are, particularly at your age, then it is time to find someone who does like you for who you are.

If she loves you, then she will tolerate some sacrifices so that you can do what you like to do...If she can't ,then I question her suitability for you.

BTW, between 17 and when I met my wife at 25, I had the privilege to meeting many wonderful (and some quite forgetable) women. Don't limit yourself just yet.


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## GAP (19 Aug 2006)

Para is right...it's about control. If she is not going to support you now, how much support is there going to be later when there is another issue? Your choice.


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## Red 6 (19 Aug 2006)

paracowboy said:
			
		

> you want to be a soldier. That demonstrates something about your personality. Not what you want to do, but rather, what you ARE right now. She can't accept that, she doesn't accept you. She's trying to control your behaviour now, imagine in 10 years.
> 
> Do you want to look back in 15 years, having gone through (on average) 2 serious relationships, several crap relationships, and a marriage (either successful or failed) and wonder if you would have had the parts to soldier?



Amen to that, brother!  :gunner:


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## Rice0031 (19 Aug 2006)

You know, you could always go gay and then all your girlfriend troubles would melt away. 
But then that might open a whole slew of other issues.

Man, at your age, worrying about girls really isn't much of a big deal. Concentrate on living your life the way you see fit right now. Worry about women later in life. There will be plenty of time for it. And like everyone else said, if she doesn't support you now, who says she will support you on other issues in the future?


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## Kat Stevens (19 Aug 2006)

If you roll over on this one, you may as well roll all the way over right now and let her drive.  If you give in once, the same bullcrap will happen every time you disagree, and you will end up whipped beyond your wildest dreams.... Sound off like you've got a pair,  there are plenty of girls out there, very few careers as satisfying as ours.....Carry on  .


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## jmnavy (19 Aug 2006)

I'm in a similar situation.  My gf's father was in the army and she hated the military life growing up.  She and I met while I was in the process of transferring from the reserves to reg force. She knew from day 1 what I was planning and I knew how she felt so we're both walking away from the relationship when I leave for botc on Friday.  She's an amazing girl, we just didn't meet under the right circumstances.  That's life.  Choose the path you want to take, then find someone who'll walk it with you.


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## Armymedic (19 Aug 2006)

jmnavy said:
			
		

> She knew from day 1 what I was planning and I knew how she felt so we're both walking away from the relationship when I leave for botc on Friday.



I had a GF whom I never seen nor heard from again after the night before I left for my first tour....

In our line of work, occasionally that needs to be done.


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## karl28 (19 Aug 2006)

FightingIrish 
                 Hey believe this  in life you  want a good career and the fact that you can do that at an early age with the CF take it . I would recommend  forgeting the girl there are lots out there but there are very few good careers . Another way to look  at it lets say that you told the girl to take hike and you joined full time CF  your 17 so lets say you join at 18  20 years from now your 38 and in a postion to retire with a Full pention very few people can say that in life . Just look at my profile you don't want to be doing what I am doing when your 30 . Chances are that  skirt your with now wont be there in three years  but if you join up the CF will be good luck with your decision


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## TMM (19 Aug 2006)

I won't sugar coat it: Anyone who tells you, before you go away,  that they won't be around when you come back isn't worth coming back to. 

17 is young  - the age of piss and vinegar. Go off, do your training, live life, and if after that you two still have feelings for each other, give it a go if the feelings are still there.


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## Pea (19 Aug 2006)

jmnavy said:
			
		

> Choose the path you want to take, then find someone who'll walk it with you.



This line really stuck out to me.  She can't walk beside you if she isn't willing to support you in everything (reasonable) you want to do. Go for your career, and let love follow afterwards. Believe me, life sure changes after 17. I recently hit 20 and am very grateful I went for school/career and not my highschool sweetheart now. You have to be happy in your life (ie career) before you can worry about making a partner happy too. Good luck to you, I know parting with someone you love isn't easy on any circumstance.


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## JBP (19 Aug 2006)

Everything these people are saying is right. I know you may not want to hear that right now but if you don't do what will truly make you happy you'll end up like me possibly...

I had my offer for Reg Force Infantry at 19... I said no because I fell in love with a girl who I thought was 'the one' and decided I'd try a different career path... Now I'm 25 as of this summer, she broke up with me in May after all that time (almost 5 years and 1 year of engagements). I have joined the Reserves but I could have had already almost 6 years of my career started!!! 

It's almost never too late, so 25 isn't a biggy, but it just goes to show you that you have to do what truly makes you happy in first. YOU ARE FIRST - not someone else. Took me a long time to learn that, take heed of what we all say and join up! I promise you 6 years down the road you will not regret you're decision. You cannot help someone else without first helping yourself. Do yourself the largest favour you'll ever do!

Non Nobis Sed Patriae!!! - Not For Ourselves, But For Our Country!!!


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## IrishCanuck (19 Aug 2006)

I feel that if two people really love each other and want to be together, it will work itself out most of the time.

That is to say, if she really cares about you, she can deal with you going away to training, just like you can deal with her going off to start her own career. If there is a true spark there, it never disappears.


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## TangoTwoBravo (19 Aug 2006)

Still in high school?  Play it cool.  You'll break up eventually, probably by the time you would be joining the Regular Force anyway if that's the issue.  If its not the military it will be school or career.  In the meantime, enjoy being 17. Lots of time for being a warrior-monk later in Petawawa, so no need to break up just yet.

Win Win.

Next question.


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## zipperhead_cop (19 Aug 2006)

Plus, if you are going to do any time in CFB Gagetown, you will want to be single on the weekends.  They don't call it "Sweets" for nothin' ! (the other definition of a "target rich environment")   ;D


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## Chaz (19 Aug 2006)

My little story: 
I'm 21, joining reg force infantry. Any time I mention ANYTHING military(even something simple), my girlfriend huffs and puffs and says she doesn't want to talk about it. Even though she says she supports me.  Same thing goes for some of my co-workers. 
Whatever. Screw it, I know what I want more than anything, which is to be a soldier and fight for what I believe in.
Maybe they just don't understand, maybe they just watch the media too much. Maybe they just don't have the heart to do the job.
Who knows.
I see a lot of people who get pissed off at trivial things, others who have everything handed to them and keep their hand out for more.
There is more to being Canadian then paying your taxes on time and "being a good citizen"

I know my path, everything else is sexond..err. second
Okay, done my rant  ;D
Hope everything works out.
Chaz


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## cameron (19 Aug 2006)

I'm not in the military, but maybe you should ask yourself this (and be honest with yourself), if there was a career that she really wanted to follow, would she change her life just to suit you?


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## BDTyre (19 Aug 2006)

My wife hated the idea of me joining.  Yet here I am, still married and in the reserves.  She's learned to accept it.  She's learned to not necessarily be happy, but at least realize I'm still me and this isn't the end of the world.


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## GAP (19 Aug 2006)

I had the luxury of marrying a woman who let me do my thing. She always tried to support me, and in the process I tried even harder to support her when her time came. Her support taught me a lot.  We are no longer together, but not because of that. To this day we still care what the other thinks and does, and that's nice. 

What I am trying to say is, support counts for far more than you would ever realize. You can do anything you put your mind to, if you know that you are being supported. Good Luck.


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## GO!!! (19 Aug 2006)

Lots of good responses on here.

I've had more than a few relationships fall apart on the basis of my job. It's no big deal. The first one hurts, but after that, you start to see a pattern, and can pretty easily pick up on who has potential for a second interview and who should be kicked to the curb.

The important thing to remember is that if you take on a girlfriend, if you let her make decisions for you when you are young, you are not in a relationship, you are a subordinate. Women try to control you through the witholding of certain things/activities, manipulating your moods and trying to seperate you from your life (friends etc.) before them. These "bad" women resent the military because it represents a whole world that they have no knowledge of, no control over, and it scares them.

You need a woman (not a girl) who has her own life (job, friends, car, family etc.), then you can look at having your lives co-exist. Her life is not yours, and vice versa. 

If this one is showing her true, manipulative colors now, imagine what she'll be like in 10-15 years. 

There's plenty of females out there. Make sure you play the field enough when you are young, so when you do get married, there will be no "I wish I had..."


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## JSR OP (19 Aug 2006)

I left the military for a woman once...   I'll never do that again!  It was probably one of the worst career mistakes I have ever made!  Three years later I started to try to get back in, and it took another two years to get back in! (But that's another story)


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## NavComm (20 Aug 2006)

Kat Stevens said:
			
		

> If you roll over on this one, you may as well roll all the way over right now and let her drive.  If you give in once, the same bullcrap will happen every time you disagree, and you will end up whipped beyond your wildest dreams.... Sound off like you've got a pair,  there are plenty of girls out there, very few careers as satisfying as ours.....Carry on  .



I'm pretty sure this is the voice of experience talking here.....listen up! +1 and same goes for any 'other half' that doesn't support you in anything you do! Love is supposed to be unconditional.


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## 241 (20 Aug 2006)

I have much the same problem although I did not know I had it until after we where married.   She hates the army I almost have to hide all my kit so she don't toss it or something....She even freaks out when she sees me on here.  There have been a few fights when she is screaming about something and threatening to leave and I don't even here her I am too busy picturing the first thing I would do when she walked out the door...Go to my Units Orderly room and sign up for A'Stan...But she always stays...(Not sure if that's a good thing or not ha ha)


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## zipperhead_cop (20 Aug 2006)

241 said:
			
		

> I have much the same problem although I did not know I had it until after we where married.   She hates the army I almost have to hide all my kit so she don't toss it or something....She even freaks out when she sees me on here.  There have been a few fights when she is screaming about something and threatening to leave and I don't even here her I am too busy picturing the first thing I would do when she walked out the door...Go to my Units Orderly room and sign up for A'Stan...But she always stays...(Not sure if that's a good thing or not ha ha)



You may have the order mixed up.  Sign up, then watch her jet.  
I think there are numerous women (not a gender flame, just that is the topic at hand) that don't get the voluntary aspect of the Reserves.  My own wife asked me probably three times to make sure that when I came off the Supp list to active I couldn't be compelled to go overseas.  Probably from so much American coverage of guys getting activated and being forced to go over to Iraq.  
Of course, if I sign up I will chicken out on telling her straight and pretend they got me on a loop hole   ;D


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## 1feral1 (20 Aug 2006)

If she cannot acccept your career and lifestyle, tell her to pack her kit. Ya, it sounds cruel, but at the end of the day, one has to be happy, as life is too short. GFs or BFs for that matter, should never try to change anyone.

Find someone who is proud of you in every way. Love should be uncondiitional.

I've got an ex-wife who hated the Defence Force and everything it stood for. She now is water under the bridge long, long, long since passed.  

My current GF (of going on 7 yrs - we live in sin) is everything a bloke could ask for. Before I left she threw a farewell party, inviting neighbours and friends. Of course I did the BBQ, had a 'polar' swim (its still winter in Australia), got pissed, and everyone had fun. She supports me, the ADF and this war fully, and not just because I am a small (very small) part of it.

You'll be happier with the right woman.

Cheers,

Wes


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## 241 (20 Aug 2006)

HAHA I have considered doing that (Telling her they got me with a loop hole) but she would probably drive to NDHQ a crawl across someones desk....Although I keep asking my OR to send a letter saying that I am being sent over with no option but to go...They won't do it for some reason...


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## zipperhead_cop (20 Aug 2006)

Make sure you punt her before she can get her paws into your UN pay.  That should be enough to pay off the divorce.   

Zipperhead_cynic


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## 241 (20 Aug 2006)

Yeah definitely would be as we have nothing really and can take all that nothing as far as I am concerned...Except my truck...Need that for work...Everything else she could have...lol ;D


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## zipperhead_cop (20 Aug 2006)

Then chances are that is what she will want.  Start professing your undying attachment to the Precious Moments figurines to throw her off.


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## 241 (20 Aug 2006)

Ha ha or I could just bag the heck out of it before I left so it was only worth its weight at a scrap yard...If I can't have it then neither can she..LOL >


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## TCBF (20 Aug 2006)

"Start professing your undying attachment to the Precious Moments figurines to throw her off."

Did I miss something here?


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## zipperhead_cop (20 Aug 2006)

All needy women have Precious Moments collections.  Disclaimer:  not all Precious Moments collections are owned by needy women.  However, regardless of who owns them to display them openly is some sort of cry for help.


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## paracowboy (20 Aug 2006)

241 said:
			
		

> I have much the same problem although I did not know I had it until after we where married.   She hates the army I almost have to hide all my kit so she don't toss it or something....She even freaks out when she sees me on here.  There have been a few fights when she is screaming about something and threatening to leave and I don't even here her I am too busy picturing the first thing I would do when she walked out the door...Go to my Units Orderly room and sign up for A'Stan...But she always stays...(Not sure if that's a good thing or not ha ha)


whacko. Ditch her. Now. Never mind the Army connection, that's a lunatic.


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## BernDawg (20 Aug 2006)

GO!!! said:
			
		

> Lots of good responses on here.
> 
> I've had more than a few relationships fall apart on the basis of my job. It's no big deal. The first one hurts, but after that, you start to see a pattern, and can pretty easily pick up on who has potential for a second interview and who should be kicked to the curb.
> 
> ...



Amen Brother!!  The dreaded Wifus Horribilus Canadensis.  Can still be seen prowling it's native habitat, the various "Q" patches, all across this great dominion of ours.  I've even had the great mis-fortune of "denning" with one for a few seasons in the mid 80's.  I found it a fascinating study in self destruction.


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## ladybugmabj (20 Aug 2006)

I've read all these messages,shook my head an giggled!  I'm a wife, but not one of those "oh my god, honey, I cant' stand the job you're in, it's too dangerous, blah blah, wah wah, get out and find a "real" job. Let's see......I have a house, car, food on my table, jewellery(had to put that one in there!!) from overseas tours, and more importantly, I have the respect and committment from my husband. I met him in London when I was in college, and then he moved to Petawawa. I moved to toronto for 2 years for my career, which ended when my contract was not renewed. I then moved here and have not regretted it. I have said "goodbye" to him for 7 tours now, and he's on his 8th. THIS IS HIS JOB!!  Yes, he can retire in 2 years with full pension, but he has signed for another 8yrs. I have been told I must be the most trusting, patient wife around. Maybe I am. Like others have said...it's trust, respect and yes, love. Am I scared to death with this tour, yes, of course I am. (3rd Afghanitan tour since 03'). I am terrified that the car that comes in my driveway is the padre...yes. But, this is his job and I respect that. I would probably have been divorced years ago if he had a 9 - 5 job. Any girlfriend/wife that bitches and complains about the job you do, doesn't respect WHO you are as a person. Do you bitch about her job?? Do you tell her not to do that....okay, some do....
 Zipperhead...I hate Precious Moments!!

Pro Patria


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## Franko (20 Aug 2006)

I went through a similar situation....except mine used to see Satan on a regular basis near the end. Needless to say that was the clincher.

She cost me all my friends at one point...and almost my career prior to the end. I got wise and gave her the boot and haven't looked back.

Call it youthful stupidity.     :

I met my wife 2 years later...and I'm having the time of my life right now, even after nearly 12 years of incarceration...er...marrage.

If she can't or won't accept what you want to do...then you're not in a relationship. It's a 50 / 50 thing, give and take on both sides. 

A good relationship is if you win...then she does as well, and visa versa.

Hate to say it but she's controlling you. Dump her right now.....plenty of fish in the sea.

My $0.02 worth.

Regards


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## bonitabelle (20 Aug 2006)

I'm a female that had the same sort of problem.  When I joined up, my boyfriend was supportive because he didn't think that I was going to go through with it. When I left for BMQ, he was there for the phone calls and telling me I could do it.  When I didn't have the time or inclination to call him every night, he started resenting the military and told me they were brainwashing me.  He would call me at all hours drunk and everything.  When I broke up with him, it was the best feeling that I could have.  I was doing what I wanted for me and that's all that mattered to me in the end.


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## Brixxie (20 Aug 2006)

JSR OP said:
			
		

> I left the military for a woman once...   I'll never do that again!  It was probably one of the worst career mistakes I have ever made!  Three years later I started to try to get back in, and it took another two years to get back in! (But that's another story)



Yep that happened to my husband...his ex wife couldnt handle it, he quite.  and when the peices fell apart I had to help him through those two years to get back in...left a good paying Infantry job to attempt the civy world, he was a broken man . but he did it and now he has his career behind him again 6 years later. I suggest choose a lady who "LOVES" the uniform .


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## Hunter (20 Aug 2006)

As an SME on unsuccessful relationships, my suggestion would be to start planning you exit strategy - not from the military, but from the relationship.  I think most people on this board would agree that being in the military is a big part of who they are, and not just something they do.  And in a good relationship each partner brings out the best in the other, not scoop out big chunks of each other's soul and chuck it down the crapper.

Some questions to ask yourself...

Would you REALLY quit the military for this girl?  
What if you decided to go to university out-of-province - Would she have a problem with that too?  
What if you marry this girl and suddenly she's resenting the time you take away from her for your regular Thursday night hockey game or your annual cottage weekend with the lads, would you stop that too?

(Most) chicks dig the uniform, so why waste energy on one that resents it?

Finally, I would like to quote a John Cougar song: "Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone"  - The point is, you're too young to be closing such doors for the sake of a girlfriend.  

I don't have the answers, but as you can see the advice on this board, from both sexes, is pretty consistent.  Good luck Irish.

a_real_phil

- edited for poor grammar/spelling and rambling


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## therev (20 Aug 2006)

Hunter said:
			
		

> As an SME on unsuccessful relationships, my suggestion would be to start planning you exit strategy - not from the military, but from the relationship.  I think most people on this board would agree that being in the military is a big part of who they are, and not just something they do.  *And in a good relationship each partner brings out the best in the other, not scoop out big chunks of each other's soul and chuck it down the crapper.*



Well said and very true. Takes a long time to get that soul pieced back together.  As one who has been engaged twice, and does marriage counselling almost daily - you want someone who brings out the best in you and shows you depths of yourself you never knew you had.  And those who mentioned the control issues, pay attention to them.  There is a lot of growing up to do between the age of 17 & 25.  Have fun, date many people ( no don't be a man whore) but get a broad (pun) perspective of the different women that you are compatible with and could possibly build a life with. 

L


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## GAP (20 Aug 2006)

> don't be a man whore



Well why not!! It's that wild seed thingy!!  ;D


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## aluc (20 Aug 2006)

Over the years I  have been told that a great relationship is built on compromise. In this day and age, being 17 and having a serious relationship is a little discomforting, trust me , I dated a girl from the age of 18 to 23. This one one of the worst decisions I ever made, the best years of my youth were squandered over some girl I thought I was going to marry when I got older. Ah...puppy love!. (thank God I did not)  The girl I am with now did not like the idea of my joining up....but I made her come around. She loves it now. (maybe it is the uniform) That is all I have to say....  CRACK....CRACK....  oh gotta go my girlfriend is cracking the whip!


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## Rhibwolf (20 Aug 2006)

This is a great thread, and Ive enjoyed reading it from start to finish.  My missus (15 yrs) hates the military. She hated it when I met her, hated it when we married, and still does.  I noticed that many of the replies make ref to the deployment aspect of being in the CF - particularly A'Stan.  Yes, it is frightful for a spouse to wait at home and hope the padre doesnt come a knockin, but I think that there are other aspects that are equally important for our young thread starter to look at. I think paracowboy first made ref to the control aspect.  We as members of the CF simply do not have any great deal of control over our lives, and our spouses have even less. How many of us have been posted, sent away on course, sent on tour, sent to sea, etc, and dreaded telling your Sig Other.  Eventually you run out of chances to say, "guess what the bast***s are doing to me now" and everyone needs to own up to the fact that this is how life as a CF Sig Other is.  Eventually you might even have to confess that you volunteered for that 4 wk course or that 6 month deployment - cant always blame it on the boss.  
If you are not going to wait (i.e. not doing the wild oats thing) then your current GF absolutely must understand/accept/and even condone the fact that she will never have any real say in what you do or what happens to her.  This can be problematic, as not everyone is willing to play the role of "whipping boy" by proxy.  
Ultimately, if she is compatable, she will make do - if not, dont set yourself up for failure - as was said before, your gut should tell you.....


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## Black Watch (20 Aug 2006)

Oddly, my gf is not a big fan of our military, but supports me in my career...I guess I just lucky to pick her.


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## ladybugmabj (20 Aug 2006)

I guess being with my hubby for 16yrs, 12 of them married...I've grown accustomed to him going here, there and everywhere.  If he's home more than say, 4 mths, it's like " don't you have an ex or something??"  It's definitely a different life, so bringing a girlfriend into it who doesn't like what you do and will continually harp on what you do will be hard. It must be hard for the wife who hates it, but hey....not everyone can be complacent and accepting of what the spouse does for a living.  :-*


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## armyrules (20 Aug 2006)

Well my situation is not my girlfiend having an issue with my chosen profession its my mother. My girlfriend supports me 110% she knows what its like because her dad is a Sig Op in the CF. naw its just my mom not to happy but she'll see the light someday. If any girlfriend doesn't understand why you are doing what you are doing or thinks its stupid of you just sit her down and explain that this is what you want to do and it shouldn't matter who thinks differently because they won't be there training  with you. I'm sure tht if you explain in a calm orderly fashion she would understand. 

Good Luck.


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## Kal (20 Aug 2006)

armyrules said:
			
		

> I'm sure tht if you explain in a calm orderly fashion she would understand.



How many girlfriends have you had...?  

Calm? Orderly?   :rofl:  

If you want her to understand, jump up and down, wave your arms around and make a few high pitched squeals....  She'll understand perfectly.  ;D


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## military granny (20 Aug 2006)

Armyrules and others

I am the mom of a boy that just got home from the sandbox. First things first .. Do I support him and his career choice..110%. I feel this is his life to live and if this is what he wants to do then my job is to be the one standing behind him saying Son you are my hero. He is a grown man and every parent should stand behind their children in the career choice they make. Now has he had problems with girls not understanding this choice ..yes . I understand that not everyone is going to agree that the military life is for them, but should they be bullied into quiting because their partner is scared, doesn't like the color green or whatever other nonsense they tell you. NO. Men of the military who are married will tell you it takes a darn strong woman to be a military wife just as we women will say it takes a strong man to be left at home trying to keep things going while their wife is there.


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## Booked_Spice (20 Aug 2006)

I guess I want to put my 2 cents in as a wife of a soldier returning from the sand box in less then 27 hours... ( can you tell I am excited)

As military Granny pointed out it takes a very strong individual to be married or associated with the Canadian Forces. I am 30 Years old and have been with my hubby for almost 3 years.  This life is not for everyone and it takes some special individuals who can deal with this kind of environment. This tour has taught me allot about myself and about our Family. It has taken its toll on the family but we are stronger because of it.  I would never stand in my husbands way of his job. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to be with him. I support him 110 percent.

 But my advice to you, is you are 17. If the military is the path you want to take then do it. Because as everyone has said relationships come and go. But having the opportunity to serve your country, is the best experience you will ever have. Being apart of the military is like having a 2nd family. There will be plenty of opportunities for relationships but how many opportunities will you have to stand on guard for your nation.

All the best to you in your upcoming journey...


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## zipperhead_cop (20 Aug 2006)

ladybugmabj said:
			
		

> Zipperhead...I hate Precious Moments!!



But clearly from your posts, you are a switched on upper-percentile type woman.   

So 241, have you figured it out yet?  You have the benefit of probably two centuries of accumulated relationship advice in these posts (even longer when you count it in "what if felt like" years).  Time to make a decision and live with it.  

Feel free to  CLICK HERE when the time is right.


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## jmnavy (20 Aug 2006)

Whoever you end up with have to understand that she is second to the CF in your life.  You can try looking for balances or making compromises, but at the end of the day the CF isn't something you can do unless you make it #1.  But look around.  For all the failed relationships that are described here, you don't see anyone questioning their decision to serve their country.  It's just that good!


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## 1Good_Woman (20 Aug 2006)

This is a great thread.. 241, things have a way of working themselves out. I, for one, was never a supporter of the military until I met someone who changed that! My bf has been in the sandbox since Feb and as much as I disliked everything about the CF, I now have a whole new perspective, not to mention HUGE appreciation for what he and his brothers-in-arms do for US on a daily basis. I didn't know what he WAS when we first met, but I have come full circle and now fully support him in all that he does - don't get me wrong, it was tough to accept that I would never come first but I love him, he is the man that he is and he needs to do this, so who am I to stand in his way. Far better to stand alongside him and support him all the way through than not at all!  Being with a soldier has certainly changed my life and, as much as I never imagined myself with someone in the CF, I've never been happier and anxious for December to roll around so he can finally come home! Point here is, enjoy your life, don't worry about women; all these things will happen when the time is right - for now, focus on the goal at hand!


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## GO!!! (20 Aug 2006)

Besides, don't pretend that breaking up is all doom and gloom!

You can achieve two goals (getting rid of the anchor and having fun) with a few well placed nights of partying and embarrassment!

Keep in mind you want her to be so angry that she storms out - so you get first pick of the household goods. Calling her by her friends or sister's name's is a good start, as is telling the truth about her new hair, how those jeans make her butt look etc.


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## armyrules (20 Aug 2006)

GO!! You sound like you've have an abundance of experience on this topic!!


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## ladybugmabj (20 Aug 2006)

GO!!!...you're too funny..."yes, dear, you're hair is all wrong for you, and you're butt does look big in those jeans...Hey, have you gained a few pounds??" 
  Anyway, in the end, you're young....17....is that right??  If this is the love of your life,than so be it. I have a friend married to her highschool sweetheart, 15 yrs married, and about 20 together, and she's just miserable!! You want to serve your country, than go for it. My hubby is on tour #8, and I couldn't be prouder of him. He hates to sit back and have to be home while his "guys" are doing what they are trained to do. If you stay with this girl and you join and you go on tour, etc, etc...life goes on for her. She can't wallow in her self pity (have a pity party every now and then, but frig.....)go to work, hang with the friends, you're in the army....Life is all good. 

Pro Patria


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## hopeful_officer_girl (20 Aug 2006)

I absolutely agree with everything that has been posted by previous people. 

I'm a bit different than most people who have posted so far in that I'm the one who is joining up, and my boyfriend is the one who supports me 100%. Having his support means so much, especially when you hear something like "Super, I'm sooooo happy for you". It gives you an extra boost and motivation to keep going along the path that you have chosen. 

At 17 you really should not base your future on what your girlfriend wants or thinks is best for you. Only you do. At your age you should focus on school or career.  You'll have plenty of time for girlfriends. 

When I was your age (it wasn't that long ago, I'm only 23) all I really cared was getting good grades in high school, and getting into university and graduating. Sure I dated along the way, but I had no serious long term relationships to tie me down. And I am very glad for that.  Now I have a degree, I'm in a serious relationship with a boyfriend who supports me 100% in whatever I want to do, and a great future ahead of me in the Air Force. What more could a girl want?   (maybe getting one of those awesome uniforms, my boyfriend loves them)


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## IN HOC SIGNO (20 Aug 2006)

GAP said:
			
		

> Para is right...it's about control. If she is not going to support you now, how much support is there going to be later when there is another issue? Your choice.



They are right you know. My girlfriend of my civie life left me while I was at Basic in 1977...hurt like heck :crybaby: but am I ever glad she did. It was the same issue...she hated the Navy and I wouldn't roll over to her control tactic. I burned her Dear John letter and moved on.
I've been married to a wonderful supportive woman for 24 years whose only question is "Oh are you here this week? When are you going again?" (all said very tongue in cheek) She can live with my absences and my deployments because she realizes the depth of commitment that all of this takes...from members and spouses/partners. Time for you to let her know what your commitment is to this outfit...or get out and live with that decision.


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## KevinB (20 Aug 2006)

Remember the first wife is just for training anyway  


and GO!!!'s advice rocks  ;D


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## Kat Stevens (20 Aug 2006)

-"how those jeans make her butt look etc."-

  Repeat after me; " The jeans are fine, it's your arse that makes your arse look fat."  It's just that easy....


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## Quag (20 Aug 2006)

A wise Sgt. once told me,

"Sir, It's a single mans army."

Think about that one for a bit  ;D.


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## paracowboy (21 Aug 2006)

Kat Stevens said:
			
		

> Repeat after me; " The jeans are fine, it's your arse that makes your arse look fat."  It's just that easy....


true story (and we all know how much I dislike those) - 

"Do these pants my butt look fat?"

"Nope, those 2 dozen doughnuts you had for breakfast make your ass look fat. Try a sit-up."

para-poo didn't get no mo' from that one, after that. 'Course he didn't mind, since her ass was spreading. He don't dig fat-asses. He does dig talking about himself in the third person, though.


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## zipperhead_cop (21 Aug 2006)

Why don't you go all Jerry Springer and get her to join the forum, then break up with her on line?  That way, we can all flame her, and she will hate the army forever and you don't have to worry about her having any regrets.  And on the plus side for you, you get the satisfaction of entertaining all of us!  
It's flawless!!


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## Chaz (21 Aug 2006)

Count me in  ;D


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## Slim (21 Aug 2006)

I will play the part of Watchpig!

If the Rmy had wanted you to ahve a wife they would have issued you one!

Its better advice than you know!

Slim


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## ladybugmabj (21 Aug 2006)

Or, you could continue dating her, and pass on my favourite words of advice:  " suck it up, deal with it....life goes on"    :-*


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## GO!!! (21 Aug 2006)

zipperhead_cop said:
			
		

> Why don't you go all Jerry Springer and get her to join the forum, then break up with her on line?  That way, we can all flame her, and she will hate the army forever and you don't have to worry about her having any regrets.  And on the plus side for you, you get the satisfaction of entertaining all of us!
> It's flawless!!



Best idea you've had all day!!

I remembered a better way though - go to Bosnia, and instead of coming home on HLTA, go to Prague, Split, Cyprus etc, get an STD, and when you come home, and she foolishly takes you back, share it!

I've been told that this is a foolproof relationship breaker, although not quite guilt free for those of you who remembered to sign for a conscience!  ;D


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## Shamrock (21 Aug 2006)

Go, you missed getting another girl pregnant.  That usually cements the swimming shoes.  For reduced buoyancy, I recommend a girl she'll have to deal with/see on a daily basis.


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## 241 (21 Aug 2006)

If only she had a sister....   ;D


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## Fyuri (21 Aug 2006)

Great topic... I'm new to this forum, but have been following it for some time now... I just feel compelled to share some of my story, most of which is unwritten.
I'm 22, back when I was 16 I told my parents I wanted to join, they said no, that was it. The urge has been getting greater and greater for me though, and as soon as I finish up my two years of college, I'm going to be enlisting in the regular forces. I'm going to hopefully do reserves while I'm at school. My girlfriend of almost 3 years isn't too pleased with this, and it mostly seems like she thinks I'm not 100% serious about it, I guess she'll find out when I sign up. She has told me on more than one occasion though, that if I really want/need to do it, she won't stand in my way, we can go our separate ways, life is good. For this reason, I'm trying to win her over on it, and believe it or not, it's almost working. But the CF life is the one for me, it's taken me some time to find out 100% for sure, but I know now. There are the few who don't approve of it (the ones closest to me, it seems), but everyone else I've talked to about it seem to be behind me on it. I'm sure my dad will come around too, I find it hard to believe he could stay ashamed of me for finding some direction in my life.
Anyways, from what I've experienced going through a somewhat similar situation myself, you have to do what makes you happy. As I heard once from someone, can't remember whom, Life is full of regrets, the object is to make that list as short as possible. The only regret I've come up with thus far is that I haven't joined sooner. If that's the biggest of my problems, I'd say I have it pretty easy.
That's my $0.04 worth (based on quantity, not necessarily quality).
P.S. Anyone else going through this that keeps getting the ridiculous questions and remarks about how it (A'Stan) doesn't affect us over here in Canada? I'm getting tired of fielding these, and rarely justify them with an answer anymore. Sorry if some of this is off-topic, just thought I'd share.
Take it easy, and to all those serving, past, present, and future, thanks, and see you shortly!


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## 1feral1 (21 Aug 2006)

Ya, we've all been burned, nobody likes swimming in a deep fryer, and everybody has a story. We lick our wounds lick a shameless scolded dog on the corner of Portage and Main, then swill ourselves sensesless, go on a mad, ever so mad  'dating spree' (hows that for a choice of PC words - haha), chill out, then it starts all over again. Dating since 1975, I thought I was the super SME in this subject (haha), or the SME's SME.

Honestly, I am such a freak, I have broke my own record staying attached to this one (although at times rocky as helll) like I said in a previous post going on 7yrs. At least she gives it as well as she takes it.

However, for those burned soles out there, who are at their wits end with the opposite sex, try Australia, there the women out number the men something fierce.


Cheers,

Wes


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## IN HOC SIGNO (21 Aug 2006)

Apex said:
			
		

> Great topic... I'm new to this forum, but have been following it for some time now... I just feel compelled to share some of my story, most of which is unwritten.
> I'm 22, back when I was 16 I told my parents I wanted to join, they said no, that was it. The urge has been getting greater and greater for me though, and as soon as I finish up my two years of college, I'm going to be enlisting in the regular forces. I'm going to hopefully do reserves while I'm at school. My girlfriend of almost 3 years isn't too pleased with this, and it mostly seems like she thinks I'm not 100% serious about it, I guess she'll find out when I sign up. She has told me on more than one occasion though, that if I really want/need to do it, she won't stand in my way, we can go our separate ways, life is good. For this reason, I'm trying to win her over on it, and believe it or not, it's almost working. But the CF life is the one for me, it's taken me some time to find out 100% for sure, but I know now. There are the few who don't approve of it (the ones closest to me, it seems), but everyone else I've talked to about it seem to be behind me on it. I'm sure my dad will come around too, I find it hard to believe he could stay ashamed of me for finding some direction in my life.
> Anyways, from what I've experienced going through a somewhat similar situation myself, you have to do what makes you happy. As I heard once from someone, can't remember whom, Life is full of regrets, the object is to make that list as short as possible. The only regret I've come up with thus far is that I haven't joined sooner. If that's the biggest of my problems, I'd say I have it pretty easy.
> That's my $0.04 worth (based on quantity, not necessarily quality).
> ...



Now that you're a man you don't need anyone's permission or affirmation one way or another. I joined at 23 and it was the best thing I ever did. The slug girlfriend married a Postman eventually and I'm sure they have a good life (like I care)....at least he's home safe every night for her I guess.
The day I announced I was joining to my boss I thought he'd disapprove. He said "Wow that's fantastic! I always wanted to join the Air Force, never did and have regretted it my whole life. I hope you do well." Thanks Bert.....best boss I ever had.


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## Fyuri (21 Aug 2006)

My boss has been the most supportive ever about this too... And I've heard too many people say they regret not doing it. For me, I won't be living with that regret. I'm doing it, regardless of who supports/doesn't support me.


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## Centurian1985 (21 Aug 2006)

Its YOUR life - not your girlfriend's.

Its YOUR decision - not your girlfirend's.

Its YOUR misery if you listen to HER for the rest of your life...

If she wants to change you and direct your life now, and you are not even married yet, that is one heck of a bad sign!


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## WannaBeFlyer (21 Aug 2006)

I feel old saying this but when I was your age (22'ish) I made a career decision around my girlfriend of 5 years and missed out on a great opportunity. Let's just say I haven't spoken to her in years and the "safe" route I chose then is driving me nuts today.

If she moves on, it wasn't meant to be and there will be others. Your not going to have much of a relationship if your desire to join starts eating away at you and you become a miserable lil' ...you know...

Good luck.


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## Fyuri (21 Aug 2006)

MikeG said:
			
		

> I feel old saying this but when I was your age (22'ish) I made a career decision around my girlfriend of 5 years and missed out on a great opportunity. Let's just say I haven't spoken to her in years and the "safe" route I chose then is driving me nuts today.
> 
> If she moves on, it wasn't meant to be and there will be others. Your not going to have much of a relationship if your desire to join starts eating away at you and you become a miserable lil' ...you know...
> 
> Good luck.



No offense, but you just described exactly what I don't want to let happen to me. My desire has been getting greater and greater, so I know this is not just one of my phases that I go through. It's the real thing. It's been great reading everybody's responses, and the overwhelming unanimous perspective that you have to do things for yourself first.


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## WannaBeFlyer (21 Aug 2006)

> No offense, but you just described exactly what I don't want to let happen to me. My desire has been getting greater and greater, so I know this is not just one of my phases that I go through. It's the real thing. It's been great reading everybody's responses, and the overwhelming unanimous perspective that you have to do things for yourself first.



None taken. I guess that is what I am trying to say, do what you want to do.

again- good luck.


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## mechanic_chick (21 Aug 2006)

Hey guys this is a really great topic , I can certainly relate to. Obviously though , mine is with my Bf.  I am only 19 years old.. and debating if being together when I am gone ( leaving in 4 days ) for the Navy is a wise decision. Especially if you feel you dotn trust the person. 

Our relationship seemed to be good , and I dislike allowing my personal relationship on a website.. but It seems you guys understand this kind of thing. He did something to betray our trust , it wasn't super bad... but it was bad enough to make my mind wander on the idea of .. ' should we be together now that I am leaving '. I only have 4 days here and I don't have the time to fix it. He claims he really does care for me , and I dont want to potray him wrong here.. he is a good man ; he gets along with my parents , friends.. and always strives to make me happy 110% of the time. This just had to happen right before I have to go. So now I am left with a decision. Should I put time and effort into someone I feel I can't 100% trust.. but know there is possible chance for us to have a really great future? That , and I am Navy and signed to a 4 year contract. There is no way with my trade until the time I OT , that we can be together. He is in the Army.. and his specific trade could never be posted to where I am.

Am I being a moron?! Or am I just a nomal human being giving love a chance. It sounds corny , but when you are emotionally ripped open inside.. it's NOT good to go into something liek Basic .. having that happen to you.

Any feedback would be great guys.


Cheers ,

JESSO


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## GAP (21 Aug 2006)

Sounds like it's going to sort itself out by itself..


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## mechanic_chick (21 Aug 2006)

Well thats what I am trying to figure out , lol. Should I let it sort itself out ( because  I dont have time to help the relationship out ) or just put my foot down now. Or even just to hear some others opinions if they have been in the same position. And also , what is some things I can to when I have the time , to help him out with my absence. 

Thanks alot.

Cheers ,

JESSO


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## TMM (21 Aug 2006)

If you don't have 100% trust in the person, to my mind, no sense in keeping it going.

When you're 19 the possibility of a future(relationship wise) isn't worth giving up a career for. Go get your training, see where you get posted, and if the two of you are still willing to give it a go, take the chance.

Right now you need to spend your time fixing rifles, tanks et al not relationships.

Don't give up all hope though - I know a few couple who dated in high school, split up and got together 10-15 years later.


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## zipperhead_cop (21 Aug 2006)

osjesso said:
			
		

> Well thats what I am trying to figure out , lol. Should I let it sort itself out ( because  I dont have time to help the relationship out ) or just put my foot down now. Or even just to hear some others opinions if they have been in the same position.



Depends what the lack of trust is all about.  If he is cheating on you, you should probably think about packing it in.  What would constitute not being a "super bad" betrayal? (Man, I wish I had a list of freebies from the 9'er   )  Cheating on partners is like beating people.  The first one is always the hardest, but it always gets easier [insert facetious icon here].  
How long have you been together?  How about you break up with him now, and when you get back if you are both still single and want to get back together, then go for it?


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## mechanic_chick (21 Aug 2006)

Hmm , hard to explain it all really.  No , he did not cheat on me in the least. Just did something I felt uncomfortable with. Mind you , most people probably would be ' mad ' but not debating leaving the person. You can betray someones trust other then the classic cheating. In this case , it makes me paranoid because I am leaving and regardless of how small the situation , when you betray someones trust before they head out into the wild they are probably going to feel the affect of it 10X worse. As stated , my mind wants to totally be focused on course 110%. He really is a great man , and I would marry him in a heart beat... but unfortunetly being in the Navy I won't be anywhere near him to help our relationship move closer and forward. I know I want to be with him but it is difficult learning how to be without someone. I dont think there are any ways to make it easier on both parties. Have any of you , which im sure you have , been in this situation? And how did you make the other feel closer to you when you were gone with such little time? Also , just the cherry on top , it's a great chance he may be sent to Afghanistan while I am on Basic. Fate apparently doesnt only want to send me off in such fashion , but kick me when not only I am , but WE are.. down!   

This feels like a bad episode of calling into a Radio Station .. Err , something along those lines. Ha ha. But , I am very lost in how to deal with this. Getting into a new career with a Boyfriend. We have been together for almost 6 months , doesn't sound long but we have become very close. So , options? Lump it or leave it. If I lump it - My question being ' How does one help and grow the relationship when they are gone... for .. 4  years or more '.

Appreciate all the responses as well ,

Cheers ,

JESSO


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## 1feral1 (21 Aug 2006)

Centurian1985 said:
			
		

> Its YOUR life - not your girlfriend's.
> 
> Its YOUR decision - not your girlfirend's.
> 
> Its YOUR misery if you listen to HER for the rest of your life...



Well put mate!

Too bad I did not take this advise back on 18 Oct 91  ;D


Wes


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## TMM (21 Aug 2006)

osjesso said:
			
		

> My question being ' How does one help and grow the relationship when they are gone... for .. 4  years or more '.



Grow yourself first. 

Queue the old lady speech...Relationships grow closer as we grow within ourselves and become more confident in ourselves and our own abilities. You can't do that if you're second guessing your lover.


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## mechanic_chick (21 Aug 2006)

Hmm. Well put.


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## 211RadOp (21 Aug 2006)

I don't know if this will help...

Try it and see what happens. Sometimes long distance relationships do work. My wife and I lived apart for a year (not by choice, but due to military reasons) and we are still together. Many years prior to that, I was engaged to a military girl. Due to her trade and QL level, she could not be posted to Europe as I had been. That one didn't work.

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. It depends on the individuals that are involved.


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## armywife/cadetmom (21 Aug 2006)

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION! Anyone under 25, who is just dating, and has only been dateing less then a year, should NEVER base life choices on what the BoyFriend or Girl Friend want.  Dont let  someone who has only been with you a few monthes decide what you do.  Dont give up on dreams because you THINK you love someone.  Also, dont give up on your dreams if you KNOW you love someone.  My husband is free to live his life and when it comes to the forces, i support everything he does and wants to do.  He is only happy in Uniform and i could NEVER take that away from him.  
THere is sooooo much to do and see and experience in life, and giving any of it up just because so-and-so doesnt like it....thats no way to live.  (this may sound trist, but i wont give up tuna on white JUST BECAUSE my husband hates everything about Tuna!)  
To the origionator of the thread, do what you want, there is another hottie waiting on the other side for you. 

JESSO, you sound very smart and determined, try not to think of the 'maybes', do what you want in life, and if your guy isnt on the otherside.....Fighting Irish (or who ever started this thread) may be single soon.  You have to take every day as one day, forget the rest.  Each day you make thru basic is one gone, and each day you make thru without your mate is one gone.  Its the only way to really get thru this.  

CHEERS and best wishes to all of ya!


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## Thatch (21 Aug 2006)

armywife/cadetmom said:
			
		

> THere is sooooo much to do and see and experience in life, and giving any of it up just because so-and-so doesnt like it....thats no way to live.



That is most definetly true.. We base our lives on experiences... And there WILL be someone else down the road.. 
However hard it is to picture now.. You can always find someone else. And you will eventually find a partner who is not against the millitary, if thats what you wish.


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## Strategic (21 Aug 2006)

I had a similar situation as you guys. I have been with my spouse for two years and after the first year of being with her I told her I wanted to follow my dream of having a career in the military. (I leave for basic Sept 4Th) At first she did not like the idea and I felt eventually our relationship would fall apart due to my decision. What I decided to due is to slowly work her over to accept a military lifestyle. It is a lot different if you are in the military and meet some one then being in a relationship and wanting to join. If that is the case you are asking a lot from the other person. Not only you are making that commitment but your spouse is too.

What you have to do is find out exactly what aspect s/he does not like or has problems with.
-worried of you dieing
-doesn't want to raise family on own 
-won't like petawawa 
-etc

Once you know you can address these areas to make them more comfortable with your decision. The best thing I did was have her talk to the wife of a person who was in a military career for over 20 years. She is now supportive of me and it looks like things will work out for us. When it comes to love only you can justify your decision not the 7 pages of posts. But consider the advise to help. I would not just break up with her but talk to her to see exactly whats up. And I would not not join the army because that's what she wants take the time to play it out.


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## armywife/cadetmom (21 Aug 2006)

??? I am i the only wife that WANTS to go to Petawawa???


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## Strategic (21 Aug 2006)

How do you like it from a spouse's viewpoint?


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## therev (21 Aug 2006)

this is a great thread. perhaps Mr. Bobbit should open a second site " Army.ca - Dating, and advice to Military lovelorn."  Good wisdom from all who have responded, next time i have a hard case that comes to my office for advice I will just make a post for you to give advice to.   ;D


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## Quag (21 Aug 2006)

armywife/cadetmom said:
			
		

> ??? I am i the only wife that WANTS to go to Petawawa???



It is very likely  ;D


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## mechanic_chick (21 Aug 2006)

Anyone have any ideas on how the other can make things better for the one staying at home? What can I do to help this relationship blossom when I am away? Sending letters... that sort of stuff.


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## armyrules (21 Aug 2006)

Send letters tell him/her whats going on. Thats the most important thing is to keep in contact when you can.


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## armywife/cadetmom (22 Aug 2006)

The big thing i have seen with others and dealt with myself, is NOT being told we have it easy, that we dont do anything, and understand we have bad days too.  Sure, NOTHING is as bad as the sandbox, and we dont want  'you' to forget what your dealing with 'cuz were more important'.  We just want to know you care.  Empathize.  Sure you may not be able to absorb what we go on about, but its a good time to 'nod your head and smile'.  I think most spouses forget that we are here in knots....afraid when the phone rings afraid when there is a knock at the door.  Even when our other halves are just on tasking or Basic.  Keep 'connected' with letters an emails.  If you dont have time to sit and write a full letter, keep like a little journal and jot down thoughts and things and mail the pages home once a week or two.  We think the worst when little is said, and the distance seems more then just geographic.  And i hope its okay to say the following, but 'dirty' notes let us know that we are still thought of romantically.


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## ladybugmabj (22 Aug 2006)

I must be another one that likes Petawawa...although there are days that if hubby came home and told me he was posted, I'd be like.."let's go...", than there are other days when..."no, you go alone, I'll stay here with the boys, house, dog, and work."  It's what you make of it here! It's a great place for families! Petawawa had to grow on me 13 years ago, but I also came from Toronto! :-*
  As for keeping in contact, yes, do it. DH is away, and I write a little note every night, and then at the end of the week, I'll mail it off. He may get it next week, or in 3 weeks. By then I've probably spoken to him. Who cares...he's gotten to read what I was thinking at that moment...maybe "dirty", maybe ticked off that he's over there and I'm dealing with 2 boys, a dog, cat and crabby people. The military is what you make of it, and if you have a supportive spouse at home, it makes it much easier!
 :-* :-* :


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## armywife/cadetmom (22 Aug 2006)

Strategic said:
			
		

> How do you like it from a spouse's viewpoint?



The Ladies i met up there when i visited were Fabulous.  I like being away from everything, and there are lots of great things for kids like Black Bear Beach, the campground ect.  I dont want to raise my kids in the city, and Borden is starting to live up to its nickname of Bordom.  People are not all that friendly here; sure we nod and wave in passing, but as some have said..no one is here long enough to want to make friends.  I also love that Pet has a canex grocery store...thats cool.


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## IN HOC SIGNO (22 Aug 2006)

armywife/cadetmom said:
			
		

> The Ladies i met up there when i visited were Fabulous.  I like being away from everything, and there are lots of great things for kids like Black Bear Beach, the campground ect.  I dont want to raise my kids in the city, and Borden is starting to live up to its nickname of Bordom.  People are not all that friendly here; sure we nod and wave in passing, but as some have said..no one is here long enough to want to make friends.  I also love that Pet has a canex grocery store...thats cool.



We loved Pet when we were there (90-93). As you say any place is what you make it. Since then we've been to Goose Bay, Esquimalt, Gagetown and now Halifax. Loved em all...some day we'll throw out our anchor and reminisce about all the great places we lived....together! ;D


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## hopeful_officer_girl (22 Aug 2006)

Jesso, here are my thoughts concerning your situation. 

The facts are that you are 19, have been together with this guy 6 months, and you don't trust him 100% because he betrayed your trust. The odds are not in favour of this relationship. But lets give you two another chance, since he's such a "good man". 

Since you obviously don't have time to really sort this relationship out in the next 3 days or so, I'd say just leave it as it is, and let the chips fall where they may. The only solution is to try and have a long distance relationship.  As it has been said before by someone, some relationships make it and some don't.  Communication with be absolutely vital. Try and keep in touch as much as possible, letters, email, instant message, phone calls. Just try to let him know that you still exist  and just tell him how you're doing, how your days are spent, thoughts, concerns... just put it on paper (or email if you have access to it). The more the better. 

But then of course it also matters how much he communicates back to you. If he stops writing, or writes you once a month then it may just mean that he doesn't want to put the effort in to keep the relationship going. If that happens, then just let it go and move on with your life. I mean come on, you are going into the military, have you noticed how many guys are in the Navy?    The odds are totally in your favour. 

I personally have been in a long distance relationship for the past 2.5 years. We keep it going because we both want to be in it, because we care about each other so much and we trust each other completely. That is why I said that if you don't trust him 100% then I don't know how you two are going to make it.  But just give it a try, and see if you can survive the 4 years of long distance. And if you can't, then at least you know that you gave it your best shot and that it just did not work out. 

I wish you good luck and all the best.


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## armywife/cadetmom (23 Aug 2006)

Well said Hopeful O.G.


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## probum non poenitet (23 Aug 2006)

This thread has some hilarious posts!

Here's my experience on the topic:
EVERY instance I can think of where the man gave in to A 'Precious Moments Harpy' and quit the army (usually very early in his career), he cleared out, turned in his kit, went home to Domestic Bliss ... and got his *** dumped!

Why? Because deep down women HATE weak men. It's a reflex, despite all that gooey stuff they wrote on the Hallmark Card they bought you. Don't be angry, they can't help but hate spineless mates. It's their duty to the human race.
(The fine line is knowing when you are standing up for yourself, and when you are just being a stubborn knob.)

So with control freaks, if you DON'T do what they say, they hate you. If you DO do what they say, they hate you even more! That's why control freaks will make you lonely and insane.

I vote break it off and move on ... in the meantime avoid Air Supply music and those large-eyed stuffed animals she bought you.

Get out with your cool friends soonest. 

Get out on a quick, fun date if you can (with someone else). Amazing what a cure that is. Hell, even a phone number from a hottie will get your mind working in the right direction.


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## mechanic_chick (23 Aug 2006)

Alrighty , where to begin. 

Hopefull OG - Thank you for the advice. I must say however from the last few days in deep thought of how exactly I can resolve this situation it really just took care of itself , somewhat. I also don't want to as I mentioned make him seem to be some sort of Monster. He really is a good man and anyone who knows him would definetley say the same. If anything.. it's me. I have had some pretty crappy Boyfriends in my day and have learned some valuable lessons. Some of those lessons made my heart grow cold , like alot of these other Soldiers on here. Theres only so many time you can have your heart destroyed.. or even the same routine of getting into one and some reason having a fall out.. it get's old and emotionally you dont want to take anymore. So finally when you DO meet the right person you tend to fear the worse. In my case thats exaclty what I did. Without giving chance my mind and heart went to its default. Its so unfortunate that some people cant learn to trust in others. Whats life without it really. I became so scared of the thought of loosing my Boyfriend because I figured why in the world would anyone want to take the time ane effort to put into me when im leaving for SO long. And my Boyfriend took the time to break down the walls , but sometimes Im going to be who I am and what I relate to. As I said , it was nothing too serious and more innocuous on his behalf. Also , I know I may be young in most eyes but I have been through my paces and have experienced more then most at my age. Im at the point where I know I want to settle in with someone.

Lesson learned out of the entire situation is that people in our career field.. and more so once you have been in the military for awhile and have dated too many to count.. is that regardless of how many times we have tried.. or looked , your better half comes around. That better half will support you and unconditionaly love you despite what you do for a living. Makes sense.

Thanks everyone.

Cheers.

JESSO


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## armywife/cadetmom (23 Aug 2006)

What happened to FightingIrish???  WHats his take on all of this?????  Has he come to any decision?


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## 1Good_Woman (23 Aug 2006)

Geez I wish I'd found this site before my bf deployed! I had to figure out so much on my own! As I've read and heard, the army will not make or break your marriage or relationship - that would happen regardless of significant other's occupation. For us ladies left behind, it may feel like you're left holding the short end of the stick but you really aren't. I don't like that my honey is in harm's way anymore than the next person but never did I think that I could or would stop him from doing his job - that is what he was trained to do and, more importantly, WANTS to do. As hard as having him be away has been, it's also allowed us to focus on other aspects of our relationship. We've only grown closer, the communication is much more honest - each chat or call could be the last one! There are always 2 sides to each story/situation. My guy and I had the "I'll be gone for a long time and I understand if, during that time you want to move on" conversation prior to him deploying, but leaving never crossed my mind! Call me old-fashioned, call me weird, but it blows my mind that someone who claims to love another would begrudge his or her desire to serve their country! Ultimately, if your significant other can't wrap their brain around the concept of you wanting and needing to do this then you need to take stock, weigh options and move on!


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## aluc (28 Aug 2006)

Octavianus said:
			
		

> Over the years I  have been told that a great relationship is built on compromise. In this day and age, being 17 and having a serious relationship is a little discomforting, trust me , I dated a girl from the age of 18 to 23. This one one of the worst decisions I ever made, the best years of my youth were squandered over some girl I thought I was going to marry when I got older. Ah...puppy love!. (thank God I did not)  The girl I am with now did not like the idea of my joining up....but I made her come around. She loves it now. (maybe it is the uniform) That is all I have to say....  CRACK....CRACK....  oh gotta go my girlfriend is cracking the whip!




I take back all things said here. I'm now single again.....I guess the uniform was too much to handle for her liking. She got jealeous because all the women loved it , and she knew she would never be able to keep me now!  ;D  This is good though.... now I can focus on my training, school , and everyhting else that is more important....and possibly find a hot military chick!


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## IN HOC SIGNO (28 Aug 2006)

Octavianus said:
			
		

> I take back all things said here. I'm now single again.....I guess the uniform was too much to handle for her liking. She got jealeous because all the women loved it , and she knew she would never be able to keep me now!  ;D  This is good though.... now I can focus on my training, school , and everyhting else that is more important....and possibly find a hot military chick!



"Got along without you before I met you gonna get along without you now......"


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## aluc (28 Aug 2006)

IN HOC SIGNO said:
			
		

> "Got along without you before I met you gonna get along without you now......"



+1 for sure!


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## Sig_Des (28 Aug 2006)

A few years ago I made one of the worst mistakes of my life.

I chose relationship over career. I'd applied for the regular forces, but the gf wanted to stay and finish college. She'd go with me after, but she wanted to finish. I said ok, I'll switch my app to reserves. Well, things went through, and I left for Shilo MB on my BMQ/SQ.

Being young and dumb, I thought this was the one. That we'd be together for the long haul, etc. Well, needless to say, shortly after coming back from basic, we weren't together very long. She moved out, and that was it.

Now, for well over two years, I made do with the reserves, loved the time in uniform. I also avoided committment and relationships at ALL costs. Pretty jaded. Career over everything.

Now, in the last little bit, I've become involved with one particular girl. Things are going well so far, but I will not make the same mistake again. I'm in the process of transferring to the Regular Forces, and I have no delusions about what that may mean to my relationship. But I'm at a point in my life, where my career takes precedence. Thankfully, my gf understands that, and we've both decided to take the relationship a day at a time, and cross those bridges when we get to them.

If you want it to work, try it. But weigh any decisions very carefully.


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## CuttingOnions (28 Aug 2006)

I see your point.


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## Thompson_JM (29 Aug 2006)

Sig_Des said:
			
		

> A few years ago I made one of the worst mistakes of my life....
> 
> I chose relationship over career....



So Far ive been lucky in this regard..... well okay... ive just been single alot..... which makes it easier to choose career..... though life is not without its little quirks..... As I count down the remaining days until I begin Predeployment, I find myself starting to get involved with a girl.... (cause y'know I couldnt have maybe met her 3 months ago or something ???) Just remember when stuff like this happens what your priorities are..... My Goal, ever since February 5th of 1999 was to accually get the chance to suit up, and Do my Job for real. Overseas, on Tour.... If a relationship is ment to be, it will happen regardless of what job you have...    Im not gonna go on some long winded rant about this, but I will defintatly echo what others have said.... Dont abandon your passion or your dreams for something fleeting.... if its been a lifelong goal to Join the CF, or Do a Tour (as a reservist) or whatever, then DO IT! dont abandon a goal because of what-ifs.

anywho, just my sleep deprived .02


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## kleobee (30 Nov 2006)

I am a student in Ontario and my fiance is in CFB Gagetown.. Although I dont get to see him, I consider myself to be really lucky in the relationship department. He left at the begining of October, and has called me twice a day since he's been there. We also both have web cams, which is really nice. The other great thing about my situation.. is that my parents live in Oromocto, so guess what.. I dont have to worry about the barracks because my fiance lives with my folks. How great is that?!
Right now I'm working towards being able to finish my course in NB, then I can move home sooner. YAY!


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## ThatsLife (30 Nov 2006)

FightingIrish said:
			
		

> does anyone else out there have a girlfriend/ significant other who hates the army. my gf hates the army and me being in it. shes even gone so far as to say that if i go away anywhere she dosnt want to be with me. i dont know what to do and everyone i going to say i sound like a love sick puppy but i am really torn. anyone ese out there have this problem or anyone got advice.



Fightirish, you don't even know the HALF of it. The first time I left for BMQ, my girlfriend hit me, kicked me, cried, called me an a**hole and what not. I quit basic training and came back and went to school...now I'm graduated and I asked my girlfriend what she thought about me joining the Army again and she IMMEDIATELY broke into tears...so I thought to myself.."Alright, I'll just reapply behind her back and then tell her after Christmas so I don't ruin her holidays"...so I'm going to buy her a puppy and hope for the best. But she did not fail to warn me that if I were to join the Army I wouldn't have a girlfriend to come back to. So I told her straight up, "If that's the case then you're the one that's losing something, not me", and she started to cry more. 

Let me tell you though, when I was worrying about my girlfriend breaking up with me I had just turned 17 and we had been together for a year and a bit. I was still in that whole "baby I miss you and it hasn't even been 10 minutes since I last saw you! please come home from the hair salon" stage. Trust me, it'll all be over soon. My dad could have had a career playing hockey, he was scouted out during a game and things lead to other things and I'm not entirely sure but I think something along the lines of him playing for the hartford whalers? those guys were pretty old school so I don't know if anyone knows them. Anyways, he gave it all up for my mom and regrets it to death (except for his kids  ) after I quit the Army he had a strange suspicion that my girlfriend had to do something with it...so now before I leave for basic training in January he tells me the same thing every time he phones me, which is basically:

"Don't let a woman shape the path of your life"


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## Bobby Rico (30 Nov 2006)

I've unfortunately been privy to the destructive nature of the military on a household- my own parents.  My mother came from a military family, and she hated it because of the constant moving around she had to endure over the years.  When she got together with my father, he wasn't in the military at the time- it was about five years into their marriage roughly by the time he decided to join.  Gradually their marriage dissolved as a result of this, because she didn't want to live in a military household and have to endure the constant movings and all this stuff again, and he was very dedicated to the military after joining.  

The lesson I sort of gained from this (a good lesson to learn i might add, given I am beginning a career in the military) is that relationships simply cannot work in the military unless both parties accept the inevitabilities that come with the military (such as moving around, tours of duty and the like).  I'm sort of thankful that I'm single going into this career because I've seen first hand how destructive it can be.  I've also learned that often times, you cannot change someone's opinion on something and that there are times when you've really just got to cut your loses, or decide (as others have pointed out) which is really the most important thing in your life.


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## ex-Highlander (1 Dec 2006)

My husband and I are both Army (though different trades), and we started off our marriage in true military fashion - I had just gotten home from my 5's, and he was in Pat Platoon, awaiting his trades training.  He came home for Christmas holidays, we got married, and then off he went back to Boredom.  lol  There is no end to the things military life will throw at you that will maintain a physical distance sometimes, but if you are meant to be, it won't matter at the end of the day.  Sometimes the old adage "distance makes the heart grow fonder" really is true.

Then again, sometimes there _are_ sailors (or soldiers, or airmen) who hold true to the "a girl in every port" saying, but the whole idea is to avoid being in a relationship with those ones.  And if they're smart, they'll do the same!   ;D


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