# Gag Bos'n Pipes



## Pud (28 Jul 2008)

Howdy folks, 

I did a search but couldnt find what I was looking for.  I was wondering how many gag bosun pipes you can think of that you have pulled on buddies who are up doing Bos'n mate.  ie  LS Eye - Brow,  John Fogarty to the CCR, etc.  What do you have?


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## NCRCrow (28 Jul 2008)

OS Pratt & OS Whitney- Engine Room
Civilian Worker- Angus McDonald Bridge
Civilian Worker -Jeffery Dalmer Fridge Flats 
OS Coat-Hangar
CO's Deck out of Bounds Stripper Being Laid On Deck

or the Resident Shipboard Roid Monster Muscle Head...LS Bloggins Small Arms Locker

or the resident retard...PO2 Bloggins required CDF (Common Dog F*ck) Locker

Poor Bloggins. I heard there was an actual Bloggins on the DIN.


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## TN2IC (28 Jul 2008)

HFXCrow said:
			
		

> Poor Bloggins. I heard there was an actual Bloggins on the DIN.



He is... I email him once.. I even got a reply.   ;D


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## DONT_PANIC (28 Jul 2008)

The funniest gag pipe I ever heard was an actual bosn' pipe that had been played with.  We had a brand new AB, fresh of NETP, who had hardly ever used a call before (so he didn't really remember what it looked like).  So, when he was double-banked as quarter master, the supervising QM had the AB pipe stand-easy, only the bosn' call was acually a duck call that was shapped like a bosn't call.


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## aesop081 (28 Jul 2008)

"MS Bob Loblaw to the engine room "


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## Eye In The Sky (28 Jul 2008)

CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> "MS Bob Loblaw to the engine room "



Can he bring Stu Pedidiot along with him?


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## yak (28 Jul 2008)

Dockyard worker Jon Fogarty - CCR

Forward Heads and Washplace out of bounds - steaming coil on deck


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## Ex-Dragoon (28 Jul 2008)

yak said:
			
		

> Dockyard worker Jon Fogarty - CCR
> 
> Forward Heads and Washplace out of bounds - steaming coil on deck



John Fogarty was in the first post...


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## MARS (28 Jul 2008)

Officer of the Watch, requested bridge


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## NCRCrow (28 Jul 2008)

True Story:
My friend was posted to the Terra Nova in 1994 and was the QM in Halifax Harbour. His BM (Bosnmate) was an brand spanking new OS Steward fresh from CFSAL.

So the QM (my friend) says I have to use the heads, can you handle the Brow for 2 minutes. (Big Mistake) Well, my friend uses the heads and comes back to see the OS dipping the NIPIGON as it sailed by. 

WTF!! he screams but it was too late. He says to the OS steward who told you to dip the Nipigon. "He says that PO over there" 

The PO was a Stoker who didn't have a clue about ceremonial anything unless it was attached to a oil pump.

Well, that afternoon, the CO of the TERRA NOVA receives a FLASH message from the COMMODORE inquiring when the TERRA NOVA had obtained Merchant status. (The steamer that went to the Gulf War no less)

As you can imagine it was not a good Navy day for the TERRA NOVA or my friend.

They had a full investigation and my friend who will remain nameless as well as the PO stoker each received 5 extras. 

He is posted to Ottawa now and I remind him on a regular basis of his lack of supervision and leadership on the Brow.


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## aesop081 (28 Jul 2008)

not a pipe but still funny......

Flying along and spotting a tanker and telling the Navcom that the name of the ship is the M/V Nosmo King

or my personal favorite

M/V Ana L. Princess


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## Eye In The Sky (28 Jul 2008)

Could someone PM me the significance of this dipping, etc?  Ex-army now Air Force...the story went right over my head.


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## NCRCrow (28 Jul 2008)

From the US NAVY Website:

Dipping the Ensign 

Merchant ships "salute" Navy ships by dipping their ensigns. When a merchant ship  of any nation formally recognized by the U.S. salutes a ship of the U.S. Navy, it lowers its national colors to half-mast. The Navy ship, at its closest point of approach, lowers the ensign to half-mast for a few seconds, then closes it up, after which the merchant ship raises its own flag. If the salute is made when the ensign is not displayed, the Navy ship will hoist her colors, dip for the salute, close them up again, and then haul them down after a suitable interval. Naval vessels dip the ensign only to answer a salute; they never salute first.


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## Klinkaroo (29 Jul 2008)

Quick add-on to the explanation, if the Naval Warship salute first it is considered an act of surrender.


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## yak (29 Jul 2008)

Ex-Dragoon said:
			
		

> John Fogarty was in the first post...



So it is.  Apparently my attention to detail needs a little work.


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## NCRCrow (29 Jul 2008)

Yak, your inability to pay attention to detail and concentrate makes you a prime candidate to make these pipes.

A busy, bewildered Bosnmate is a perfect target.


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## aussiechangover (30 Jul 2008)

one of the funniest pipes i remember from my time on subs was mainly directed at the trainees, when we'd practice bottoming and all the trainees would be informed they were trimming party (and a few of the other fatter sailors so they didn't catch on)and shortly after pipes would be made for trimming part to muster in all parts of the sub to control the sub before touching the bottom.


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## Eye In The Sky (30 Jul 2008)

Oh that is rich!  ;D


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## aussiechangover (30 Jul 2008)

ok manged to remember another

sonar reporting to control... con, sonar new contact bearing 365 classified merchant via in out ball slap and shaft rub...roger sonar

it's amazing what they were doing to the OOW when you were listening in on sonar IC. glad i was tucked away in the commcen


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## DC Roundsman (30 Jul 2008)

Back in the day, I got caught with pipping the Buffer and Chief Bosn's Mate at the same time.  Being very new, I didn't know that they were the same person.  I certainly found out when the Buffer/ CBM showed up at the Bosn's Mate shack.  I also got caught with Dockyard Worker Phil McCracken......SickBay.

The last time I was on ship, the guys used to go on the upper decks and use their cell phone to phone the brow and ask stupid questions like...."Is your keel longer than your main shaft?" or "How many screws does your ship have?".....thank god I eventually became a MSOD and didn't have to worry about making pipes anymore.

It's still funny when you hear another new guy getting caught making a ridiculous pipe......and you say to yourself, I was that stupid once. LOL


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## Ex-Dragoon (30 Jul 2008)

And when your MSOD you really want to crucify the people that are having fun with your Bosun mate.


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## SweetNavyJustice (30 Jul 2008)

We got this one piped a few years back - Dockyard work Heywood Jablome, bridge.  

The poor guy was a french OS who had a heavy accent.  Blended the two names together perfectly.  

I always loved with the pipes were made because there was a collective chuckly throughout the ship as you waited for the buffer to lose his mind...haha.


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## Navy_Blue (30 Jul 2008)

A good friend of mine when we were OD's called the Bos'n mate who he knew very well and asked him to pipe..."Civilian worker Red Cox...Sickbay"  He then had him correct it with..."Belay last all Civilian workers working with Red Cox...Sickbay."  The whole ships company grew that grin and the Cox'n, Buffer and XO all flew to the Flight deck to fill the poor guy in.  I will never forget it.

Wicked Thread by the way   

I feel sorry for the new guys in the Bos'n shack after a few of us on here read this.

Oh and we actually had a MS Forgarty so that pipe got old quick.



Cheers

N_B


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## Donaill (30 Jul 2008)

Along the same line, how about those pipes telling you to go to spaces for no reason at all, or animals sounds, or "Pipe PO Bloggins to the CSE office right meow."
That last one isn't all that funny. However when it is one of those busy days and things start to get foolish it can crack you up.


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## Neill McKay (30 Jul 2008)

aussiechangover said:
			
		

> ok manged to remember another
> 
> sonar reporting to control... con, sonar new contact bearing 365 classified merchant via in out ball slap and shaft rub...roger sonar
> 
> it's amazing what they were doing to the OOW when you were listening in on sonar IC. glad i was tucked away in the commcen



Bearing 365, eh?


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## aussiechangover (31 Jul 2008)

N. McKay said:
			
		

> Bearing 365, eh?



yep had to get the OOW to join the greater circle club. the sonar guys had to judge how tired the OOW was before throwing this one in although nothing like here the OOW tell sonar to STFU if he was switched on.


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## Pud (7 Aug 2008)

I pulled this one the other day and got a good chuckle.  

Civilian Worker Barry Pye to the galley.


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## yak (7 Aug 2008)

HFXCrow said:
			
		

> Yak, your inability to pay attention to detail and concentrate makes you a prime candidate to make these pipes.
> 
> A busy, bewildered Bosnmate is a perfect target.



Have you ever heard a stoker making pipes?  We're the definition of "bewildered bosnmate".


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## RowdyBowdy (1 Sep 2008)

Dockyard worker Gerry Atric, Chief and POs
Dockyard worker Coat, Hanger


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## Cloud Cover (2 Sep 2008)

aussiechangover said:
			
		

> ok manged to remember another
> 
> sonar reporting to control... con, sonar new contact bearing 365 classified merchant via in out ball slap and shaft rub...roger sonar



was that on a sub? I heard the same thing on a ship I was loaned to [HMAS Darwin], and all of us Ew's wondered how a sonar contact could bear 365 [out of a possible 360].


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## aussiechangover (2 Sep 2008)

whiskey601 said:
			
		

> was that on a sub? I heard the same thing on a ship I was loaned to [HMAS Darwin], and all of us Ew's wondered how a sonar contact could bear 365 [out of a possible 360].



yep it was on a sub, the sonar guys used to do it see if the OOW was paying attention


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## copecowboy (6 Sep 2008)

bob law law has been done a few times on my ship


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## copecowboy (6 Sep 2008)

HFXCrow said:
			
		

> OS Pratt & OS Whitney- Engine Room
> Civilian Worker- Angus McDonald Bridge
> Civilian Worker -Jeffery Dalmer Fridge Flats
> OS Coat-Hangar
> ...



I know pratt!


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## Reardon (7 Sep 2008)

My first watch as bosun mate was on HMCS Chaudiere in 69' and I was asked to pipe, Dockyard Rigger Mortis to the brow, which I promptly did much to my chagrin.  I was also asked to go to the Buffer and ask for a gallon of relative bearing oil.  OD's are pretty wet behind the ear.


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## Sailorwest (9 Sep 2008)

Every once in awhile, a bos'n mate with a heavy french accent will make a classic. I wasn't there for this one but it's a classic weather warning,
'Cox'n is to be exercised on the Focsle, heavy spray' ;D


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