# Getting married during training



## Skeletor6669 (29 Jan 2013)

Had a question for my recruiter after my interview for Reg Force but he didn't know the answer and said he would get back to me but I figured I'd try here as well. I'm going to be married on 1 Sept 2013 and that will more than likely be right in the middle of one of the courses I'll be taking if I get offered a position. Would I be able to get leave to attend my own wedding during training?


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## Sythen (29 Jan 2013)

I don't know if they will give you time, but even if they do, you should either postpone it or do it before your course starts. You will have absolutely no time for planning or prep or anything during course.


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## Bluebulldog (29 Jan 2013)

IF your chain of command lets you go, that's one thing.

IF you have a spouse who is completely content with you being away for the entire process, showing up (probably late) the day of the blessed event, getting far too drunk too early.....and then leaving shortly thereafter to complete your training........she's an absolute keeper.....

She's probably also the type that will see the practicality in postponing said nuptuals until a time where they can be a little less time critical.

(The no planning the event, showing up late, gettig drunk early...is still an option)


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## medicineman (29 Jan 2013)

Honestly, if you're in BMQ at the time, I don't really see them doing it...during your QL3 training, you might get some time to do it, especially if it coincides with a block leave period.  But hey, it's the new Army - if you don't ask your CoC, the answer is always no, but showing up there and going "Oh, BTW, I'm getting married in a couple of weeks, think I can get some time off?" isn't likely to go over well...especially if the rest of the course is confined to barracks or base.

I actually had to move my (first) wedding date 3 times in a month due to operational reasons just after getting posted to my first unit...and they were being nice to me - they generally aren't so accomodating during the initial training periods.

MM


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## Noctis (29 Jan 2013)

Bluebulldog said:
			
		

> IF your chain of command lets you go, that's one thing.
> 
> IF you have a spouse who is completely content with you being away for the entire process, showing up (probably late) the day of the blessed event, getting far too drunk too early.....and then leaving shortly thereafter to complete your training........she's an absolute keeper.....
> 
> ...



Glorious post   MPs inbound.


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## Dirt Digger (29 Jan 2013)

I ended up in a similar situation - our solution was to set Boxing Day as the big day.  In all likelihood, any course is going to give you block leave around the end of December.  Christmas is also a big day, but much more difficult to schedule a wedding around.

But the most important fact of all, everything you buy in the future on Boxing Day automatically qualifies as an anniversary gift!  You can't lose!   ;D


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## Skeletor6669 (2 Feb 2013)

That's a pretty good idea about Boxing Day, are there any other times of year that have block leave too?

We've postponed the wedding a couple times already so we're not strangers to that lol. I've been in the recruiting process for almost 2 years now but that's mostly because of switching my application to Reg Force and a couple delays.

Is there time off in between courses? I'm hoping to get into Combat Engineer, I've been merit listed and will hopefully get in in the new fiscal year.

As for planning the event, we have that pretty much done already so I wouldn't get into too much trouble on that front haha.


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## jeffb (2 Feb 2013)

Not to put a damper on young love and all but there is perhaps another reason why you might want to delay a little while. Joining the CF will be a big life change for you and her. You are going to be out of communication with your fiance for extended periods of time and you aren't going to see much of each other for awhile. I'm sure you have a very good relationship and all, or else you wouldn't be marrying her, and I'm sure you think that she knows what you are getting into and is very supportive but there are a ton of people who thought that who were wrong. 

Give yourself the 3 months or whatever BMQ is now. If all goes well during the course then get married at a time when you can actually participate and won't leave her the next morning like a one night stand. If all doesn't go well and she decides that being a CF bride isn't for her then all the better for finding that out BEFORE you get married. It is much easier to end a relationship to your fiance then it is your spouse. 

In answer to your block leave question, yes, there is block leave in the summer as well. Training institutions may do things a little differently but the three periods of leave in my neck of the woods are Christmas (~3-4 weeks), summer (2-3 weeks) and march break (1 week). 

Either way, best of luck.


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## Spring_bok (3 Feb 2013)

Dirt Digger said:
			
		

> I ended up in a similar situation - our solution was to set Boxing Day as the big day.  In all likelihood, any course is going to give you block leave around the end of December.  Christmas is also a big day, but much more difficult to schedule a wedding around.
> 
> But the most important fact of all, everything you buy in the future on Boxing Day automatically qualifies as an anniversary gift!  You can't lose!   ;D



Boxing Day is a great idea.  Our anniversary is in May and my wife's birthday is in October.  I am usually in the field for one or both every year.  At least we are almost always home for Boxing Day.


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## Ayrsayle (3 Feb 2013)

jeffb said:
			
		

> Not to put a damper on young love and all but there is perhaps another reason why you might want to delay a little while. Joining the CF will be a big life change for you and her. You are going to be out of communication with your fiance for extended periods of time and you aren't going to see much of each other for awhile. I'm sure you have a very good relationship and all, or else you wouldn't be marrying her, and I'm sure you think that she knows what you are getting into and is very supportive but there are a ton of people who thought that who were wrong.
> 
> Give yourself the 3 months or whatever BMQ is now. If all goes well during the course then get married at a time when you can actually participate and won't leave her the next morning like a one night stand. If all doesn't go well and she decides that being a CF bride isn't for her then all the better for finding that out BEFORE you get married. It is much easier to end a relationship to your fiance then it is your spouse.
> 
> ...



Second this - Being in the training system was extremely difficult even for the most committed partners. As my wife is fond of reminding me - it is one thing to mentally prepare yourself for it, quite another to deal with the reality of seeing your significant other for a month and a half in 12. So far however I've always managed to have some period around Christmas off - it might not be the ideal time to get married, but it is the most likely time to have off.  Everything else tends to be dependent on the training institution and that year's particular requirements.


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## TinaK (14 Feb 2013)

Getting married during course, especially BMQ, is pretty much a no-go - on one of my husband's courses, one guy MISSED his wedding, because the entire course got confined to barracks that weekend, then he was late for the new date because of course stuff. That said, my husband and I did get married during his BMQ, but it was right at the end during Christmas block leave. Basically, he got home on the Friday, Monday we went and got the marriage license, then that Friday evening we were married at city hall. We were (and sitll are LOL) broke, had little need for a big ceremony or anything, so we just got his family and some of mine together for the city hall ceremony, then went to dinner at a nice restaurant after.

But honestly, time off for that kind of thing pretty much won't happen, unless you would already have that date off (a weekend with leave pass granted, block leave), but it never hurts to ask. But even right up to the day, even if they've granted the request, still don't bank on it - my husband had his leave pass signed off for the weekend our daughter was born, and at the last minute it was revoked so he could staff a family event on the base he was at. It sucks, but that's the army for you LOL


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## SupersonicMax (14 Feb 2013)

TinaK, 

Whoever the people in charge were for those 2 events should not be in charge of people...  Taking care of your people and their families goes a long way into keeping the morale up.


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## NavyHopeful (15 Feb 2013)

Kind of related story:

When I left for BMQ, my wife was ready to pop with our first-born.  As I didn't want to create ripples in my training, I informed my staff of the situation, but told them that we had prepared for it, and I didn't want to miss any training.  Unfortunately, I ended up getting sent to WFT (Warrior Fitness Training) and my new Sgt caught wind of my situation.  He told me that my training wouldn't be affected, and that I was to write a memo asking for 1 day leave to be there when she was induced.

When she had the baby the next day, I told my Sgt that I didn't think that I'd need the request anymore, because she had delivered.  His instructions to me were exactly this:

"Sit down and write a memo requesting the day anyways.  As well, request permission to carry your cell phone."  When I finished the memo, he told me to wait it out for a few minutes.  He came back in 15-20 minutes and said, "Who can you call to come and get you?"  When I looked at him oddly, he told me that not only was I going home that day (Thursday), but I didn't have to be back until Monday night, and until then, I was to carry my cell phone with me at all times, and if I was questioned about it, they were to speak to my OC.

Apparently, he had gone, not only to my WO but to the OC and championed my case.  My WO had suggested an extra day of short leave, and the OC had said that I should have been carrying my cell with me the entire time that I had been with WFT until that point.

Long story short, if you discuss your intentions with your CoC, you might be able to walk away with everything you wanted or needed.  Keep in mind, though, that sometimes, they really can't accomodate all of your requests.  I had a MS tell me at BMQ that you can request anything you want in a memo, but it'll end up being the CF that decides if you can get it or not.

So, anyways, back on topic...

I would wait for BMQ to be finished before you get married.  If you end up getting hurt, or recoursed, then maybe you can get the leave to do it, but it would definitely be worth your while to wait it out.

Good luck with it, bud.

Rev


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## X2012 (15 Feb 2013)

On the wedding planning side, you'll also likely need to get whatever you're wearing tailored again. The chances of you changing shape in some way on BMQ are very good. The most important thing for looking good is that your clothes fit properly! One of my course-mates was getting married very shortly after the course and wasn't able to make one of the tailor's appointments because we weren't allowed to go farther than Montreal that weekend.


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