# Im in desperate need. Please HELP



## Lou (25 May 2006)

Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together, have been together for 8 months now and he is my LIFE. The only problem is he is in Borden and I am stuck here in Alberta. 36 hours away from the person that I love! I am trying to find places there but the rent in Ontario is just plain crazy! What I really want is to get a PMQ. From what i have herd you have to have children be common law or married in order to qualify. We dont qualify under any of those. I have absolutly no idea what to do anymore. I am running outta ideas and options. Please if any of you have any advice or suggestions on what we can do...that would be greatly appreciated!


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## beach_bum (25 May 2006)

You are not entitled to a PMQ, or a cost move anywhere.  Sorry to say, but as the girl friend (even fiancee) you are not entitled to anything.  If he means that much to you, and you two are meant to be, wait it out and see what happens.


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## zipperhead_cop (25 May 2006)

If it is that big a deal, move to Barrie and work at whatever you do at home.  It's a nice town and it's expanding pretty quickly.  I'm sure the love of your life would be happy to supplement your rent with his pay, since he will be in quarters and have no need for it.  
Love conquers all.   :-*

Zipperhead_counsellor


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## Megs (25 May 2006)

On the topic of PMQ's, is it possible to get a PMQ even if you are not married and/or common-law? I know myself and my boyfriend aren't entitled to one, but I'm curious if it's still possible to get one.


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## 1175CMR (25 May 2006)

As stated in previous posts, you are not-entitled to a PMQ.  Keep in mind that PMQ rent is now based on market value of the local economy.  I know that the last PMQ I lived in was actually more expensive than owning a house or renting an apartment in the city.  If you are thinking that a PMQ will save you rent money, do your homework and look at how much it is to rent in the city.  Your boyfriend should be able to do this since he is there already.


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## xcameron (28 May 2006)

Also keep in mind that if the PMQs there are anything like the ones here, they are old dwellings and aren't always insulated good enough and the heating costs are very very high.  Even if the rent is lower than other accomodations, the heat bills alone will raise the cost of living in one to more than say an apartment. Good luck to you guys, it takes a special person to adapt to the "Army" life.


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## navymich (28 May 2006)

Megs said:
			
		

> On the topic of PMQ's, is it possible to get a PMQ even if you are not married and/or common-law? I know myself and my boyfriend aren't entitled to one, but I'm curious if it's still possible to get one.



It is dependent on where you are.  Here in Victoria, they are renting some PMQs to single personnel.  You would need to ask at CFHA (Canadian Forces Housing Authority) at the base where you are interested.


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## boots (29 May 2006)

Mine lives in Florida, so I can relate 

Long distance is a great strain, but not unmanageable. How long have you two been going out? How old are you?

Good luck!


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## JugbandClegg (29 May 2006)

It depends on the base apparently, as CFHA Petawawa rents to single people.  Ask the local CFHA what exactly your boyfriend is entitled to as either a single or as someone with a girlfriend.


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## Mortar guy (29 May 2006)

This is true. I rented a PMQ apartment in Pet and I was single at the time. It was a huge three bedroom jobbie too.

Hombre del mortios


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## TMM (31 May 2006)

Before moving halfway across the country you need to ask yourself if it makes any sense whatsoever. He's in Borden *now* but the military could transfer him somewhere the day after you move out here or worse, before you even get here. If you can't survive a short separation what will you do on tours? 

Instead of him being your life you need to find one you can live without him. You'll be happier and he'll be able to do his job better knwoing that you are getting along on your own.


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## Lou (31 May 2006)

Hey....thanks for everyones reply. Means alot. Although i don't like some of the answers i think i can make do with them. Cute boots: kinda sucks doing the long distance thing. We have been together for a year now. What about you and your "beau"??


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## paracowboy (31 May 2006)

Lou said:
			
		

> Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together, have been together for 8 months now and he is my LIFE. The only problem is he is in Borden and I am stuck here in Alberta. 36 hours away from the person that I love! I am trying to find places there but the rent in Ontario is just plain crazy! What I really want is to get a PMQ. From what i have herd you have to have children be common law or married in order to qualify. We dont qualify under any of those. I have absolutly no idea what to do anymore. I am running outta ideas and options. Please if any of you have any advice or suggestions on what we can do...that would be greatly appreciated!


Lou,
first, you are not in desperate need. A woman who is in danger of losing her home and being put on the streets because her husband's paycheque isn't making it into the account, is in desperate need. And we would all rally to her aid. Perspective.

Second, if you cannot last a few months when you know he is in the same country and safe, how are you going to react when he is in a dangerous situation across an ocean for months on end? If you truly intend to spend the rest of your life married to the army, it's time to grow up. And posts like this do not indicate that you intend to do so.


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## Gunner (31 May 2006)

paracowboy said:
			
		

> Lou,
> first, you are not in desperate need. A woman who is in danger of losing her home and being put on the streets because her husband's paycheque isn't making it into the account, is in desperate need. And we would all rally to her aid. Perspective.
> 
> Second, if you cannot last a few months when you know he is in the same country and safe, how are you going to react when he is in a dangerous situation across an ocean for months on end? If you truly intend to spend the rest of your life married to the army, it's time to grow up. And posts like this do not indicate that you intend to do so.



 +1


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## Franko (31 May 2006)

He can rent a 'Q as a single guy. It's done all the time.

Get him to check with CFHA and see what the requirements are. Then he has to start writing memos and such.

His chain of command can help him out a bit. But as it was alluded to earlier....they aren't any cheaper than out on civvy street.

You may want to go with a regular apartment.

Regards


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## Shadow Cat (31 May 2006)

First off I would like to tell you that I was in your shoes last year.  Our situation was a little different however, married with two kids.  We were seperated for 8 months and we had to fight to be together..why did we fight because we would still be seperated right now if we hadnt.   I quit my job and planned to move ourselves so that we could be together as a family again, military came through with a paid move at the last minute.  

I got alot of slack from some of the members on here about my decision to be together but to this day I still stand behind my decision and wouldnt change it for one second.  If I hadnt moved than we would have been seperated for 15 months, togetter for two or three months and than we were facing a possible deployment for god only knows how long. That is if we went to Pet he would have been deployed but we are on our way to Edmonton (we were one of the only 2 that didnt go to Pet out of the whole course.)  If out of 2 - 3 years I could get 9 months with my honey rather than two months that meant the world to me and to our families well being.  

I dont think wanting to be with someone really indicates a need to grow up or really indicates a weakness.  There is this whole thing about training and the not knowing when it will be done and when you will be together again and if there will be a deployment right afterwards.  It brings around fustration, lonliness, desperation and other emotions that I think some of the members on here dont understand or dont remember.  Sometimes a nice but a factual answer is all that is needed without being malicious and rude.  

As for the Q availability I think that some of the others have answered the questions best for you.  Check with CFHA but I would continue to look for something outside of the base area as I dont know if Borden has any vacancies right now and if they would allow what you want to do.  

I understand your feelings and like to call it "seize the day as you dont know what tomorrow will bring".

BTW if you would like a more friendlier atmosphere with a softer approach to some of your questions, there are a few military spousal support sites out there.  Myself I am co-founder of The Military Wife which can be found at   http://themilitarywife.vze.com/  We would love to have you.


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## calgarytanks (31 May 2006)

Lou said:
			
		

> Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together,


\
if you love him, marry him. In sickness and in health, in good times and bad....right?


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## FastEddy (1 Jun 2006)

Lou said:
			
		

> Hey....thanks for everyones reply. Means alot. Although i don't like some of the answers i think i can make do with them. Cute boots: kinda sucks doing the long distance thing. We have been together for a year now. What about you and your "beau"??




This will probably not be to your liking either.

The sooner you realize you have chosen a Military person to attach your Star or Affections to, the better.

A person who at any moment can be maimed or killed or sent any where in the world at a moments notice.

Married and family Personnel accept the hardships and at times the frustration of long separations that occur being the spouse of a Military Person.

Your Boyfriend is a SOLDIER and by choice. As a SOLDIER he requires his wits, presence and attention about him at all times. Although you have not mentioned the fact, I get the distinct feeling you have a running dialogue with him on your concerns in this matter. If this is the case, you can be assured there could be problems down the road for both of you.

The last thing a Soldier should worry about or hear, is his Sweetheart can't handle the separation or that it might effect their relationship.

Just remember that all of the Love Ones of our Military Personnel who are at this moment and in harms way deployed all over the World, would also love to be close to them.


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## NavComm (1 Jun 2006)

Lou said:
			
		

> Well...to tell you the story. Me and my boyfriend, hopfully fiance soon if we can be together, have been together for 8 months now and he is my LIFE. The only problem is he is in Borden and I am stuck here in Alberta. 36 hours away from the person that I love! I am trying to find places there but the rent in Ontario is just plain crazy! What I really want is to get a PMQ. From what i have herd you have to have children be common law or married in order to qualify. We dont qualify under any of those. I have absolutly no idea what to do anymore. I am running outta ideas and options. Please if any of you have any advice or suggestions on what we can do...that would be greatly appreciated!



Wow you really are in a desperate situation. However, I'm pretty sure you can get from Calgary to Toronto and then Borden in less than 36 hours, check with AirCanada or WestJet or some other airline.



			
				Shadow Cat said:
			
		

> BTW if you would like a more friendlier atmosphere with a softer approach to some of your questions, there are a few military spousal support sites out there.  Myself I am co-founder of The Military Wife which can be found at   http://themilitarywife.vze.com/  We would love to have you.


This is probably the best advice for you. You might not find much sympathy for your situation here. Most of the people here are military and they have dealt with much more desperate situations than yours. I know to you it seems like your LIFE is about to end, like maybe you should slash your wrists or something, but to me it just sounds like you need to get a flippin grip!  :

My sympathy is with your poor boyfriend who probably hasn't figured out yet what a clingy, insecure, immature, stalker-in-the-making you are.


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## Loachman (1 Jun 2006)

Personally, I think that there's a little overly-harsh judgment of Lou, who's probably just overstated her feelings a little due to youthful exuberance.

My unit is in Borden, but I cannot comment on the PMQ availibility. They are not the greatest, but probably no worse than average. No basements, though. A lot have been torn down over the last couple of years - the entire south patch is gone completely.

The town outside of the north gate, Angus (known as the Town with Too Many "G"s) has some unpretty older areas, but some newer construction and is probably not as bad as some people say. I'd guess that there is not a lot of employment opportunity in Angus, but Barrie is expanding quite quickly and there should be tons of employment opportunity.

Is he only on course, or actually posted to a unit in Borden? If you said, I missed it. If he's on course I'd advise waiting. It may not be pleasant for either of you, but he needs to concentrate on that - plus it would not be a wise idea from a financial point of view at this point.

A lot of us have been through this. It's livable.


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## Lou (2 Jun 2006)

I know to you it seems like your LIFE is about to end, like maybe you should slash your wrists or something, but to me it just sounds like you need to get a flippin grip!  :

My sympathy is with your poor boyfriend who probably hasn't figured out yet what a clingy, insecure, immature, stalker-in-the-making you are.
[/quote]

That was totally uncalled for. I am not asking for any sympathy what so ever from anyone. All my intentions were was to talk to people to ask for advice. I have never dated somebody in the army. This is all new to me. Like others said this is not Dr.Phil, yeah your right. thaught somebody on here would have a little respect and give some advice. And thanks to the ones who did.  And then I have people like you telling me that maybe i should slash my wrists, to get a grip, and that you have sympathy for my boyfriend. You have no right to say the things you did. Perhaps your jelous?? I don't know. But usually when you are in LOVE you want to be together. I think your the one being immatue here and that maybe you need to do a little growing up yourself. You feel like you need to offend others for the sake of making you feel better? Is that it? I don't know. But i think you need to "get a grip"


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## Booked_Spice (2 Jun 2006)

okay....

I have watched this thread and Lou you are right no one should call you down or degrade your questions. This section is for the Homefront and you have your right to ask your questions. He I have asked some really dumb ones on this site as well. So please except my apologises because some of the comments were uncalled for.

I believe this is the place to ask your concerns or if you need help. Even is it is a dear Abby site. Then so be it. Because if people do not have any advice or something nice to say they should respect other peoples concerns.

Now with that said. From what I gather you can't get a PMQ but some people have offered excellent advice so try different alternatives. I know the separation is tough.. Hey if I could fly to Kandahar just to be with Hubby, I would be on the next plane. So I understand what you are going through. Is he in Borden for a posting or is it just training? Because if it is just training then you might want to wait it out to see where he is posted to from there. If he is posted then look at an apartment because the Q' s are pretty expensive. But do not get discouraged because there is always a way.



			
				NavComm said:
			
		

> Wow you really are in a desperate situation. However, I'm pretty sure you can get from Calgary to Toronto and then Borden in less than 36 hours, check with AirCanada or WestJet or some other airline.
> 
> This is probably the best advice for you. You might not find much sympathy for your situation here. Most of the people here are military and they have dealt with much more desperate situations than yours. I know to you it seems like your LIFE is about to end, like maybe you should slash your wrists or something, but to me it just sounds like you need to get a flippin grip!  :
> 
> My sympathy is with your poor boyfriend who probably hasn't figured out yet what a clingy, insecure, immature, stalker-in-the-making you are.



Now Navcomm, this is unacceptable. I am a military spouse and not a CF member but I have always thought when anyone is in need related to the CF family we should try to help each other out. I personally was offended by these comments and they were not called for. Furthermore, I have felt more sympathy on this site for my own personal situation then I have found on other spouses site.

Please mods if I am wrong, tell me so, but this section is for all concerns of spouses/ fiances /BF.Gf and parents. Every question should be respected and people should not be insulted. 

That is my 2 cents


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## Bruce Monkhouse (2 Jun 2006)

Quote from NavComm,
_I know to you it seems like your LIFE is about to end, like maybe you should slash your wrists or something, but to me it just sounds like you need to get a flippin grip!  

My sympathy is with your poor boyfriend who probably hasn't figured out yet what a clingy, insecure, immature, stalker-in-the-making you are._

Navcomm,
Consider this your friendly neighborhood warning........lighten up, ladette.


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## Lou (2 Jun 2006)

Thanks for the 2 cents Booked. I don't mind hearing people's opinions about what I have posted. But cummon that was a little harsh. I thaught this site was about offering advice, telling everyone what going on in the "army life" or in the world. Whatever it may be. I relalize this site in "Army.ca" and not Dear Abby, but im not asking for anyones sympathy or to have pity on me. All I wanted was a little help on the PMQ thing. I geuss it's nothing DESPERATE but its hard. But anyways, thanks to the people that actually gave some advice and had a little respect and not telling me that I should slit my wrists and that im immature and insecure, and soon to be stalker. Me and my boyfriend have found a way to be together and everythings working out really well and it's been smooth sailing so far. I plan to be there in a couple months. So thanks again.


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## Booked_Spice (2 Jun 2006)

Lou,

I am very glad that you figured out stuff and that you guys can be together. Please remember no matter what questions you have just post them away. This is what the Home Front is all about. I know what it is like to be new to the mililtary Life. By the way,yours was actually good question.You should see the questions I ask. ;D

So welcome to Army.ca and I hope you find this site as enjoyable as I have.

Take care


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## FastEddy (3 Jun 2006)

Bruce Monkhouse said:
			
		

> Quote from NavComm,
> _I know to you it seems like your LIFE is about to end, like maybe you should slash your wrists or something, but to me it just sounds like you need to get a flippin grip!
> 
> My sympathy is with your poor boyfriend who probably hasn't figured out yet what a clingy, insecure, immature, stalker-in-the-making you are._
> ...




Bruce I don't think that  "Lou" read and interpreted "NavComm's" quote correctly or your-self.

It opens recognizing her desperation to the point that  she might be considering slitting her wrists. At no point does she suggest she should slit her wrists. "Navcomm" goes on further to suggest, that what ever, she should get a grip on herself.

NavComm goes on to amiably then suggest several modes of transportation that might be of some assistance. And again being reasonably sympathetic advises that nothing is as bad as it seems even to the point of considering to Slitting her wrists.

NavComm continues to point out that she might not receive to much sympathy here, which is very possibly the case.

As for "NavComm's" closing remark, it only hinted at a possibility of future behavior. Which IMO now, seems a very likely possibility. I might also point out that "NavComm" is a serving CFM and Female, who might just have a greater insight than you or I.

Although from time to time, it might be necessary for a Member to enlist the Services of a MOD, still running to the Teacher because you've misread something or are offended with a opinion does seems a bit needy.


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## HItorMiss (3 Jun 2006)

Fast Eddy

At what point did you feel the need to interject in a situation that had already been resolved by the mods and the members at large?

Are you so intrested in the goings on here that even the littlest fight you find must be continued for fighting sake? Please relax and butt out, NavComm was told politely to soften her approach or reproach and that was that, If other members find issue with a post and reports it to a Mod then it gets checked out, and we all have the right to report anything we want to a Mod it's their job to decide if it warrants action or not. They don't need your input on wethere you found it offensive or not.

for the record I also found NavComm's comments out of line, but since I'm not a spouse and not the person it was directed to or even involved in the conversation I just watched to see where it was all going.

Sorry Bruce I know you don't need me backing any of the Mod's up but that post by Eddy was IMO just meant to be inflammatory and continue on with a dead issue.

now Lou I hope everything was resolved for you and I wish you luck in whatever course of action your choose.


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## Thompson_JM (3 Jun 2006)

FastEddy said:
			
		

> Bruce I don't think that  "Lou" read and interpreted "NavComm's" quote correctly or your-self.



then i guess that makes three since i found it to be harsh as well...



> It opens recognizing her desperation to the point that  she might be considering slitting her wrists. At no point does she suggest she should slit her wrists. "Navcomm" goes on further to suggest, that what ever, she should get a grip on herself.


Lou made no reference earlier of doing so... nav comm is putting words into lou's mouth... 



> NavComm goes on to amiably then suggest several modes of transportation that might be of some assistance. And again being reasonably sympathetic advises that nothing is as bad as it seems even to the point of considering to Slitting her wrists.


yes but she could at least try and point this out tactfully... im sure you can understand the need to be tactfull in your responses to the civilian populous... which lou happens to be....



> NavComm continues to point out that she might not receive to much sympathy here, which is very possibly the case.


 which nav comm has shown that for her it is a word in the dictionary between Shite and syphallis



> As for "NavComm's" closing remark, it only hinted at a possibility of future behavior. Which IMO now, seems a very likely possibility.


 And was entirely innapropriate...  had she made that remark to a civilian while she was in uniform she could be facing extra duties or a possible 129er.... by talking like that she did nothing to represent the CF in a positive light.



> I might also point out that "NavComm" is a serving CF Member and Female, who might just have a greater insight than you or I.


 Gender shouldnt mean anything here... I know lots of guys who cried during basic and other courses from being away from their families.... Stress doesnt come with a gender...  Also NavComm hasnt been in very long... nor do we know her personal situation either... I know a few CF Mbrs who joined so they could get away from wherever they came from... Not to imply NavComm joined to run away from problems.... but see what happens when people say things without knowing? 



> Although from time to time, it might be necessary for a Member to enlist the Services of a MOD, still running to the Teacher because you've misread something or are offended with a opinion does seems a bit needy.



exactly. however this was not the case.... NavComm made an inapropriate post which IIRC did not fit within the conduct guidelines... not enough to warrant an intro to the warning system, but enough to get a gentle reminder to mind her words as she is representing the CF here nonetheless...  

and having been on this site for a couple years ive noticed that 99% of the time the MODS are bang on with their assesments of the situation...  this was no exception.

Lastly.. this is the home front. where there are alot of posts by civilian members, spouses and freinds and family of CF Mbrs.. they are civilians, and as such have the freedom to not have to be as tough and thick skinned as you must be...  

to use an example from page 1, paracowboy responded to this with a much more tactfull response saying the same message NavComm did... except he knew he was talking to a civilian who isnt expected to just suck it up.... 

IMHO you and NavComm are both wrong. and it would seem that others also feel this way too....

you dont have to start hug sessions here... just play nice with the civies.. thats all....

- josh


--- Edit -----

HoM posted at the same time i did....  

same thing he said though, I know the Mods dont need Backup, but this hit a nerve with me as well...

Lou, keep asking questions if you need answers... we are all pretty freindly and will do our best to help.... but it does help if one searches first before asking, since it may already be covered elsewhere on the site!! Cheers!

also
with the situation resolved this should probabbly be locked...


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## HItorMiss (3 Jun 2006)

+1 on the locked.


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## Lou (3 Jun 2006)

Thanks everyone for backing me up. But what was said was said. I found it to be very uncalled for and just down right rude. But it's over now. We have all had our input, and most likely came to a conlusion that it wasn't the best way to approach the situation. Yeah you are right.... some of us civi's just can't take a brual beating like that. Take it easy on us . But anyways, Lets just get on with things and help each other out in a mature manner. I have figured out some things and have realized alot of things about what people have suggested and I was never in DESPERATE need. What Para said...thats desperate. I just wanted some tips and advice, and I got that and now it's over. Im on my way to Ontario to be with him. Thanks to you guys!!!   
Oh....and since im a newbie on here some of you have suggested locking this since it's been resolved ( which I might add again that it HAS). How do I do that and why should I do that?


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## Bruce Monkhouse (3 Jun 2006)

[1]You can't,...I just did.
[2] Because your question has been answered, and apparently, solved.
[3] Good luck.


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