# CF member as a single parent-on course, deployed ect... [MERGED]



## sunflour (13 Sep 2006)

well i got my call last week  i leave this sunday for basic in St-Jean
im ready to go  and i hope i have prepared my son for me to leave (he turns 8 on friday ) the best i can with just over a weeks notice that moms going to go away till almost christmas.. 

just wondering if there are any other single parents or parents with younger kids (ive read some post  but their kids were teenages) out there with advice about what you did/ do when your away from your kids to help them and yourself cope with the seperation


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## armywife/cadetmom (13 Sep 2006)

Hello there.
Thought i would give my two cents on this....
When i was away from my kids (not for the military but an externship, they were 4 and 6 then and i was a single mom) i called them alot, wrote and sent 'care packages' of books and treats.
WHen my husband is away with the military he does the same.  Constant reassurance that you'll be home soon, interest in what they are doing is very important.
THe MAIN thing i have found is that our children absorbe our emotions.....if your sad, upset and miserable...they will become sad upset and miserable.  ALways shine positive light on the situation.  Express how AWSOME it is to get their letters, evoke anticipation in them by 'teasing' them about the 'surprise' your mailing them....make them a part of the experience by sending home a 'Ste Jean or Borden' Tshirt (where ever you are) my kids loved getting things like that..(my son is 9 and my eldest daughter is 7)  Photos of your room, you, stuff your doing is also great.  

I know how hard it is to be a mom, and to be away from your child...if you need anything PM me.

Best wishes to you at Basic!!!!  Look forward to hearing from you after you graduate!!!!!!!!


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## sunflour (13 Sep 2006)

Thanks for the sugestions  i had planned on calling him when ever i get the chance and i know his aunt and grandma will help him send me letters  but it hadnt crossed my mind to send him a care package  tho once im there im sure i would have thought of it as anytime i do go away anywhere even if its a day to so to somewhere new i always bring him back something 
he love anything military and is so excited that im now in the army ill be sure to send him a pic of me with my C7 when i get it  and my room and stuff


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## 1feral1 (13 Sep 2006)

sunflour said:
			
		

> well i got my call last week  i leave this sunday for basic in St-Jean
> im ready to go  and i hope i have prepared my son for me to leave (he turns 8 on friday ) the best i can with just over a weeks notice that moms going to go away till almost christmas..
> 
> just wondering if there are any other single parents or parents with younger kids (ive read some post  but their kids were teenages) out there with advice about what you did/ do when your away from your kids to help them and yourself cope with the seperation



Hey Sunflour, good on ya for doing your bit! 

Let us know how you go, and good luck!

Regards,

Wes


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## wotan (13 Sep 2006)

Myself and my wife are both in the Force and we have two kids, 15 and 11 now.  However, when they were younger, I used to deploy a lot with 1 CMBG (it's the wife's turn now).  Anyway, we used a few different things, however your son may be too old for them.

  Whenever I knew the date I would come back, we would put a little sticker of an airplane taking of on my day of departure and one on the day of my return on the calendar.  This way, the kids had something to look forward to and could also mark off the days/weeks/months (worked great when I was in Alert).  As well, I told the kids that if they ever missed me, just to look at the constellation Orion (or the moon during the summer) and remember that we were both under the same night sky (not necessarily always true, but it made the kids feel better).  As well, I have always made sure to bring home a small treat for the kids when I came back, even if it was just FTX in Wainwright/Suffied/Shilo.  Nothing too big, a small stuffie, some small trinket, anything, again, it gives them a little boost.

  Best of luck on your course.  Cheers.


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## navymich (13 Sep 2006)

sunflour, my son is also 8 and I will be leaving him at home while I go away on ILQ this fall.  I have been away sailing many, many times while he has been growing up, but he has had his dad at home then.  Now that I am a single parent, I am finding it harder to think about going away, even though I trust his sitter, and they have a great time together.

What I have done, is set up his own MSN account.  I currently have a cam for the desktop that he'll be using, and will also be getting one for my laptop so he can see me and talk to me while I'm away.  I know that for you, you won't have as much access to the internet on BMQ as I will on course, but it's another idea for you for this, or other times away.

My son has become very adept over the years, and we had our stumbling blocks, but we made our way through them.  He understands how to talk on a satellite phone with the stupid delays better then most of the people I sailed with!!  What I have always done is been open with him (when I'm going, what I'm doing, when I'm expected back).  What I haven't done, is make promises that I might not be able to keep (that is, not telling him exactly when I'll next call, or for sure when I'll be home).  Be sure to tell him how much you love him and yes, for sure, always have something special for him when you get home.  And mail special postcards and treats whenever you can.

Good luck, stay strong, and remember you have a special, little guy that loves you no matter what because you're his mom!!


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## sunflour (14 Sep 2006)

Well this afternoon i will take my son to the dentist then i head to toronto until i leave on sunday (paperwork Fri, swearing in sat, fly out sunday).
So I'm all packed (hopefully i have everything, thanks for the tips) and ready to go, I'm finally starting to get nervous, its been a long time in the process and its hard to believe I'm finally on my way. I'm sure ill do OK.
Thanks again and ill try and keep in touch when I'm away (if i have time once all my other stuff is done of course)
ttfn


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## GUNS (14 Sep 2006)

Wecome to the family


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## proudnurse (18 Sep 2006)

Ok

Well I have been thinking about this alot longer than I have been acting on it and that is starting my career ( I love that word  in the armed forces for nursing. I was wondering what kind of support is on the bases for soldiers that may be deployed or go into the field when you are a single parent? How many of us are out there that are taking on this challenge? I would appreciate as much info as humanly possible. I am hoping this hurdle does not stop me from persuing this, or serving my country. 

Rebecca


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## 17thRecceSgt (18 Sep 2006)

IIRC, the MFRCs have lots of resources to tap into.  The "military community" itself is great as well at supporting its own.  As an example, I think most MFRCs have a list of willing/able adults who can take children on short notice for emergencies, and long term requirements too.

Most of the MFRCs have websites now, here is a link to a few local to me...

http://www.halifaxmfrc.ca/

http://www.pspmembers.com/smfrc/

Someone I know that is a single parent had to do a 6 month NATO on board one of the frigates, and between MFRC, her sister, friends and co-workers it all worked out fairly smoothly.  



Hope this is a good start!

MRM


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## proudnurse (18 Sep 2006)

Oh yes your words are very encouraging! I have had this calling for a while, and even being on the board I feel like part of the family already! Here I am working 2 jobs and my daughter is at home with me......I feel like we are going........nowhere? And renting our apartment that feels like it's going to fall apart sometimes.......Going back to university for more schooling? Out of the question being a single mom at 30 yrs old. Joining not only the Military and becoming a part of a BIG family.......the opportunity to gain more skills.....better future for me and the little one? And the opportunity to serve MY COUNTRY? What would anyone do? 

Thanks for your reply!

Rebecca


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## 17thRecceSgt (18 Sep 2006)

Well, thank you.  You gave me an opportunity to do a good deed today.

A gift, even if you are unaware as to how, so thanks.

I am sure others will have much better information than mine.


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## proudnurse (18 Sep 2006)

I guess the best way for me to truly find out, is to head to the recruiting office. I don't work Tue mornings, and after I take my daughter to school that morning I am going to take a little drive   I am going from Cambridge to Kitchener and I will post on how that goes! I also have 5 yrs experience in communications, working for emergency dispatch. I have alot of clerical skills, I am not an RN but I am a Home Health Care Aide. The scope of practice is more broad when you work in homecare as to working in a Nursing Home. You get a bit more training when it comes to some care duties and your not nessecarily a glorified bed sheet changer. We'll see what they say on Tues! Look for my post at that time. 

Rebecca


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## kincanucks (18 Sep 2006)

_in the armed forces for nursing_, _Going back to university for more schooling? Out of the question being a single mom at 30 yrs old_, _I am not an RN but I am a Home Health Care Aide_

You do realize that to be a NO in the CF you need a BSc in Nursing or you must apply under the ROTP to go to a civilian university to get your BSc in Nursing?


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## proudnurse (18 Sep 2006)

Yes, my day off work is Tues; when I take my daughter to school in the morning I am going to go to the recruiting office and speak with them. I am going to go from there. Thank You for your reply!

Rebecca


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## proudnurse (18 Sep 2006)

taking the time for college would not be a problem for me, it would be paying for college at this time in my life. I went back to college a couple yrs ago to become a home health care aid (PSW) that was a year and even that in itself was very expensive for me to pay for being a single mom. 

Do not get me wrong though, I am not wanting to do this for the sake of free education, but getting your training through the CF as opposed to University.........University is very expensive ! 

That is not my primary reason, but a thought that does help. Plus when I am done, I will be serving my country and building a better future for my family. 

Rebecca


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## simysmom99 (19 Sep 2006)

I say go for it!  Yeah, it will be hard some times being away from your dd for school, deployments, etc.  But a stable job, guaranteed income, benefits, this GREAT family...
Good luck on your decision.


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## proudnurse (19 Sep 2006)

Thank YOU Simysmom! I was going to go today (Tue) But I decided on Thurs instead to speak with a recruiter ~ Have a bit more time! I think it's important for me not to worry too much until I actually walk in the door and speak with them! I live in Cambridge and the Recruiting office is in Kitchener. Plus it's that time of year, fall time and it's always pretty driving at this time of year! I am looking forward to it. Thanks for your reply.

Rebecca


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## medicineman (20 Sep 2006)

proudnurse said:
			
		

> Do not get me wrong though, I am not wanting to do this for the sake of free education, but getting your training through the CF as opposed to University.........University is very expensive !



You'll still be getting your training through University - but if you luck out, you'll get the CF to pay for it. We don't actually train nurses (ie award an RN or BSN) - we give them skills necessary for a nurse to function in the military afterwards with a few top up courses (BNOC - Basic Nursing Officer Course for one) post grad.  Afterwards, they can take specialty training if they wish and vacanices, job, etc permit.  If you want the CF to pay for the training, you will have to get accepted into a program though.

MM


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## proudnurse (20 Sep 2006)

hank You MM! For now I am going to go into the CF Recruiting Office and explain what my current skills are and what my hopeful goals are to be. Only 2 more days and I am taking the drive!

Rebecca


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## unofficial (30 Sep 2006)

Sunflour Congrates first I am sure you are excited and scared as hell in your new adventure. As for your boy I am sure as long as you call regularly and just be who you are when you talk he will be okay. He is 8 and I believe it is easier for the younger children than a teen. Attitude is everything you both have a big change in your lives and as long as you keep you and him as the number one importance you both will do okay.


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## FastEddy (30 Sep 2006)

sunflour said:
			
		

> well i got my call last week  i leave this sunday for basic in St-Jean
> im ready to go  and i hope i have prepared my son for me to leave (he turns 8 on friday ) the best i can with just over a weeks notice that moms going to go away till almost christmas..
> 
> just wondering if there are any other single parents or parents with younger kids (ive read some post  but their kids were teenages) out there with advice about what you did/ do when your away from your kids to help them and yourself cope with the seperation




Well done Young Lady !.

Don't worry, everthing will workout okay.

Cheers.


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## R@chel (2 Oct 2006)

Congrats and best of luck.


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## xo31@711ret (2 Oct 2006)

Congrats & good luck; you'll do fine


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## elixa (12 Nov 2006)

Congrats on your enrollment.  I'm in the process of applying now and am the single mother of a 5 year old.  I've been having the same worries myself about what will happen to him with me gone for long periods of time during training. Currently he has never been away for me for more then 24 hours and all he really has is his grandmother to care for him while i'm gone.  I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do exactly while away.  Guess I'll be racking in the old airmiles for weekend trips home in times that i'm allowed weekend passes.


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## mysteriousmind (12 Nov 2006)

Sunflour, 

As a military brat, 

My dad had to leave often, I did miss him...and he didn't call or wrote often...I was hard on me. If he had wrote or send care package, or put stickers to see when he was coming back, I think i would have been easier.


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## Springroll (3 Apr 2007)

I was curious if there were any single parents on here.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I will be venturing into this unknown land known as single parenting as a member of the CF. I am looking for pointers and such that will assist with the transition for me. 

My kids are 12, 9 and 6 and I am asking for a posting back to BC to be close to my support system, my family.

Advice only please. If you want specifics, pm me.


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## Jorkapp (4 Apr 2007)

I am not a parent, but I wasn't a kid that long ago, and I was raised by a single parent for the latter half of my childhood. Do bear in mind though, then when my father left, I was 10, brother was 11, and my sister was 14, and we were all fairly mature for our age.

For my family, it came down to a deep amount of trust from my mother, despite her paranoia.

Since my sister went to high school while my brother and I were in elementary school, we didn't have the luxury of her escorting us, as her school was across town from ours. Essentially, my brother and I were given lessons on how to deal with strangers, people offering rides, etc, and my mother trusted us that we would follow them. Bearing in mind this was a small town, we were allowed to walk to school, a whole 3km walk (with backpacks... made excellent practice for future ruck marches   )

A quick google search reveals Esq is about 3x as large as the small town I was raised in. If you're too paranoid about your kids walking to and from school, you should be able to befriend a neighbor who has kids who go to the same schools, and you can arrange for your kids to ride with them. Just make sure your kids are up on time to be ready for rides, else you risk annoying friendly neighbors.

When it comes down to it, make sure your kids know what to do when SHTF for them. I was always told:
1) If you're out walking and need help, run to a house (preferably a block parent) and start banging on the doors.
2) If someone tries to take you, scream bloody murder.

And for at home:
1) If it's a fire, someone's dying, or something else equally bad, dial 911.
2) If it's not that bad, senior sibling's discretion. In the event of disagreement, call mother at work, memorize the number. Please don't harass (parent) at work because sibling x and sibling y can't get along for 5 minutes.

Keep it simple, don't expect them to memorize an operations manual on daily routine.

We also had strict rules for keeping in check: We were required to call our mother once we got home from school. If you want to do anything after school, go home (optional), call (mandatory), and get approval (also mandatory), or else paranoid parent with car/law enforcement/search and rescue will be hunting you down (it took me a few times to get into the swing with this one). If we were going to be late (ie: detention, etc), a call was customary.

Now, bear in mind this was before cell phones became prevalent. Though I have a tendency to believe that cell phones + paranoid parents = bad for kids, I still think they have merit. You might want to check this out:

http://www.telusmobility.com/on/pcs/handset_lg_1000.shtml

One of my younger cadets had one of these, the preprogrammed numbers for him were:
Emerg: 911
1: Home
2: Mother's work
3: Father's work
4: Trusted friend

Kid friendly, and they can't call numbers that aren't programmed in, and also 1-touch emergency is good for panic situations. One of these for the 3 of them should at least allow you to call them and get LOCrep, SITrep, etc in case of excessive paranoia, and allow them to contact you in case of emergency.

---

Essentially, when it comes down to it, keep your kids in touch, but trust them. Be adaptive, and don't be afraid to ask for some help along the way. Your kids may be young, but they should be more than capable of keeping an eye out for eachother.

---

Again, I am not a parent, so grain of salt goes here. This was the doctrine that I was raised under, YMMV.


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## Roy Harding (4 Apr 2007)

I am not a single parent - but over the years I had many single parents working for me.

The most important thing is to have a reliable 24/7 network of child care support available to you.  The last thing your section commander wants to hear when there's a bug out is that you couldn't find anyone to take care of the kids.

Don't expect special treatment because you're a single parent - be prepared to pull your weight.  If you do that consistently, you'll get cut the slack you need when you need it.

As a supervisor, I always tried to spread the "shyte jobs" around equally - without consideration for my subordinates marital/parental status.  I watched peers cutting lots of slack to single parents, and heaping the duties on the single guys - this approach doesn't make for a good team.  On the other hand, when parents (single or married) always pulled their full share of duties, I never had a problem getting a single guy to volunteer to do a duty when there was a school concert or other such event.

Have a plan for child care - practice it once in a while - you'll be OK.


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## Armymedic (4 Apr 2007)

Springroll,
I thought you were married?

Best advice is to get line up a primary and secondary babysitter for both daytime and evenings. See the MFRCs for more info.


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## navymich (4 Apr 2007)

Be advised that you'll also be required to fill out the Family Care Plan, and implement it if necessary.  This includes for duty, being called into work, and something that is especially going to effect your situation -- sailing. 

Check out the PMQs and area, of Belmont Park.  There is a school right there, as well as a teen center and before & after school centre set up by MFRC.  As noted by SMMT, check out the MFRC.  They will help you at least get started.


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## mover1 (4 Apr 2007)

I am a single parent.  I live off base and I am a man. I have had single parents work for me and I can only give this advice.

A. Get yourself a reliable babysitter who is willing to come in on those odd hours if needed.

B. The MFRC is a good resource. I used it when my children were younger. now....I don't use it so much... I don't think it meets my needs as a man and a military member and although they try hard I find them too orientated towards the wives. (yes I expressed my concerns about this).

C.  .The people you work with can help you out in times of need. Talk to your boss and make sure he is absolutely clear about how much lead time you need for a babysitter etc. That way you are not given a bad rap, 

D. unfortunately if you can't get a baby sitter or your kids get sick one after another and you end up spending copious amounts of time at home with the sick kids or late for work because your babysitter doesn't start until 8 am then it may be inevitable to have a few sour grapes in the bunch complaining about you and your kids.  Get a thick skin  and brush off these comments  after all it's just talk. But resolve the problem ASAP

E. Keep your sanity. Take time for you and ONLY YOU at least once a week . Whether it be a guilty pleasure of McDonald's without the kids. Taking a dance lesson or just getting out once in a while to socialise. 

F. There will be good days and bad days and days where you just go crazy. This is normal.


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## Springroll (4 Apr 2007)

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I really appreciated it.

I am not worried about being a single parent since I was one before I met my soon to be ex, but being one in the CF has me a little tweaked.

St Michael's Medical Team, as I said in my first post, due to circumstances beyond my control, I am having to venture into single parenthood...so in other words, I am getting a divorce. Not my choice mind you, but I will just roll up my sleeves and keep on trucking. Not much point in sulking and such...I have three kids I need to worry about.

Thanks again everyone. If you think of any other pointers, please post them.


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## Armymedic (4 Apr 2007)

Springroll,
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately you are not the first, nor will you be the last soon to be ex wife who has just finished joinng the military.


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## Springroll (4 Apr 2007)

St. Micheals Medical Team said:
			
		

> Springroll,
> Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately you are not the first, nor will you be the last soon to be ex wife who has just finished joinng the military.



I know...just his timing really sucks.
It was a distraction before, but now I have pushed it to the back of my mind and am even more focused on my studies.


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## gaspasser (4 Apr 2007)

Springroll,
  So sorry to hear your bad news.  I won't go on about him being an...
  With good hope, you have a loving family and good friends who will help out when the need arises.  There are many single parents in the military and they "soldier on", bear down and persevere.  Lean on your friends on course and all will straighten out in the long run.
 ;D


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## proudnurse (18 May 2007)

;D

Got the notification in red (about no reply for at least 100 days) before I put an update here. I did not want to go and start a new thread (there is no point, since I have already written about it before) 

Well, there is an update... from me when it comes to applying. This week, it's been on my mind more than it ever has for the last 3 yrs where I first met the Canadian Forces at a job fair here in Cambridge. I did have an application package, from a while ago now that I did take time to read through this week. Well, after I went to class this morning I found myself talking to a Recruiter again. I took the drive up to Kitchener... beauty day for a drive  too I spoke with a female Sgt and she also gave me some info pertaining to Nursing in the CF. Looks like I have paperwork to fill out over the weekend! I am going to take an honest attempt, to put some serious work into it and finally get the ball rolling here! The achedemic upgrading that I have been taking since January, is rolling along quite awesome too, I'll be finished that up for January  

She suggested that I call the 23rd Medical Unit in Hamilton. I called and left them a v/m, and while I wait for thier call looks like I'll be getting my things together in the meantime. I'd like to go down to one of thier parade nights if I could. 

The call of duty has been there for me for so long now, it's time this gal does something about it! 

~Rebecca


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## oolybooly (5 Feb 2008)

hey  was just wondering how its been working out for you since you posted. im a single mom and have been wanting to join the forces but cant seem to find much on single parents. i was interested in knowing how single parents are working things out, how theyre lives have changed for better/worse or what things they wish they couldve done or not done. i really admire and respect all of you out there who have made this decision!! thanks a lot for any info!


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## Springroll (5 Feb 2008)

Well, it has been quite a wild ride the last 8-9 mths...lol

My oldest son moved out here in April and was residing with my mother while I was still in the shacks in Victoria. 
In late June, he was hit by a car, so I was recoursed off my course so that I could take a week of compassionate time with him. I did have to fight a little to get the fore noon off the next day so that i could see his ICU Dr and the specialists, but for the most part, my section was supportive and compassionate to the situation. 

During my summer leave I went back to Hfx, grabbed my other two kids and all our stuff and moved west. Got lucky and got a PMQ in work point. Close to schools, amenities, and only a 5 minutes commute to work! Right after that, my house out east sold (that is another BS story thx to the ex) and I started back up on my new course, right from scratch. The course has been alot easier this time around, and I have 3 weeks to the day left before graduating and moving on. I think it has only been easier because I had the kids here with me now. I was a working/stay at home mom before, so 10.5 mths without them was very hard for me.

Trying to problem solve before a problem arises has probably been the best thing I could have done. 
All three kids have had the flu a few times each, but thanks for a very great friend(my daycare provider) and my family, I have been able to still go to work, worry free. That is a huge relief!! Now I am heading into my next phase of training, my naval environmental training, and then on to my new posting come May, and feel pretty ready for it. My posting has me a little concerned, but there isn't much I can do until I get there and they tell me what will be happening...I am not a fan of the unknown...I MUST know everything..lol That is a good thing and a bad thing, depending on the situation.

I would not worry too much about being a single parent in the CF. There is a great support network out there, and you will make a ton of friends who will help you out in your times of need(such as a weekend duty watch!). I have not utilized the MFRC as of yet. I have found they have been more directed towards the SAHM/spouses of CF members. I am gonna take some time next week to go in there and see what services i am able to utilize, that are more directed towards my situation.

I wish you the best of luck, and if you have any more questions, just pm me on here...I will gladly answer them!
Cheers!


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## PMedMoe (5 Feb 2008)

Sounds like things are working out great, Springroll.  Glad to hear it.
I know it's difficult being away from your kids.  My daughter is 16 years old and lives with her Dad.  They have been living in Labrador and N.B. and I have been in Ontario since she was 4.  We get to see each other 2-3 times a year for a week or two at a time and it's hard.  But one thing I can say, she's so much like me that my ex (actually a nice guy) has never really been rid of me!  >


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## exgunnertdo (5 Feb 2008)

Something for all single parents to know about - Family Care Allowance.  Provides $$ for extra child care if you are away from home overnight for service reasons.  (Extra being the operative word - you are still responsible for day-to-day child care, this is for the nights).  There are a few specific rules related to the allowance, so check it out before hand.  Also applies to service couples who are both away at the same time.


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## Springroll (5 Feb 2008)

exgunnertdo said:
			
		

> Something for all single parents to know about - Family Care Allowance.



Is this something through the CF or through the MFRC??
That may be just one more thing I can take off my plate!!


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## PMedMoe (6 Feb 2008)

It would appear that it is through the CF.

CBI 209.335 - FAMILY CARE ASSISTANCE


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## exgunnertdo (6 Feb 2008)

Even more info contained in the DCBA Aide-Memoire - 
http://hr.ottawa-hull.mil.ca/dgcb/dcba/engraph/download_aide_mem_e.asp?docid=117&sidesection=2&sidecat=7


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## Springroll (6 Feb 2008)

Thanks a bunch, both of you!!
Gonna print that stuff up today at work!


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## navymich (10 Feb 2008)

The FCA is great!  I have used it many times, most recently for when I was on my 3's course last year.  The money sure added up and really helped me out alot.  

A big thing to note on it, even though it says right within the regulations, many clerks haven't processed a claim for it before and aren't too up on everything.  It DOES NOT have to be a registered child care provider ("commercial care").  Therefore, if a family member (this member cannot reside permanently at your place of residence though) or neighbour looks after your child(ren), all you need to provide for a receipt is a signed note ("declaration") from that person stating that they looked after so-and-so for this period of time for this amount of money.

I don't think this benefit is as widely known as it should be.


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## Celticgirl (10 Feb 2008)

I'm a single parent just applying to the CF, and I have to thank springroll for this thread because I've had similar questions. I'm glad to see that this is 'doable'!


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## exgunnertdo (11 Feb 2008)

Be cautious about "banking" this money (FCA) too soon - the policy states, among other things that the member must be "MOS qualified, i.e. a member must have completed a MOS qualification, or moved D, HG&E at public expense for service reasons;"

Airmich qualified on her 3s based on being trade qual'd in another trade.  

Fresh recruits off the street are not eligible for this as a rule - don't count your money till it arrives in the bank.


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## navymich (11 Feb 2008)

exgunnertdo said:
			
		

> Airmich qualified on her 3s based on being trade qual'd in another trade.
> 
> Fresh recruits off the street are not eligible for this as a rule - don't count your money till it arrives in the bank.



Thanks exgunnertdo.  I knew there was something else that I meant to stress in my earlier post.  I was lucky in this regards, to have been previously qualified and able to receive the funds.  For new members starting out, it is a long haul, especially with the wait times for a QL3 course.  Be sure that your support system is in place (with backups and backup for your backups!) BEFORE you go on course.  As much as you are still going to worry about your kids, you need to have an ease of mind to allow yourself to maintain your focus on your career.


----------



## Springroll (12 Feb 2008)

So, let me just get this straight in my head.

I am entitled to FCA if: 
(a) I am MOS qual'd
or 
(b) have had my HG&E(household goods and effects) moved at public expense

I had my HG&E moved out last July at public expense, before I was MOS qual'd. Would this then entitle me to FCA now?

Not that it really matters for me right now. I on on night classes and then grad in 2 weeks, but I am sure there are others out there who have had public expense moves before finishing(or even starting) their 3's training, and this fund would help them out if they were in a sticky situation and required someone to watch their children evenings or weekends due to training.


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## navymich (12 Feb 2008)

Springroll, yes you would be entitled to it as you've had a move.  I'm not at work on a DIN computer so I can't quote exactly, but be advised that this is NOT APPLICABLE for evening training or situations similar as it is in effect for 24+ hours only.  I'll put the quote on tonight when I go into work, or if someone else could before that to show the exact wording.


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## Springroll (12 Feb 2008)

Thanks airmich!

I am on night classes right now, and last week was a bit of a blur with all the PC's, so I haven't checked out the link as of yet. 
If anyone is able to post it up here, that would be fantastic!


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## exgunnertdo (12 Feb 2008)

It's not meant to cover "weird" work schedules (evenings, weekends, etc).  It's meant to cover time when you are required to be away from your home for over 24 hours.  The directive even specifically excludes being "on duty."  So - TD, on ship, in the field.  That type of thing.  



> 4. Entitlement
> 
> 4.1 Absent from place of duty
> 
> ...



Para 6 of the directive lists a bunch of exclusions:



> 6. Limitations There is no entitlement to FCA if any of the conditions listed at paragraphs 6.1 to 6.4 apply.
> 
> 6.1 Serving a Punishment
> A member who is absent from their family home/or place of duty in order to serve a punishment imposed by a service tribunal is not considered to be absent for service reasons.
> ...



When you get a chance, read the whole aide-memoire (the FCA section) to get a picture of the whole thing.  Remember this is just selected bits of the policy.


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## Springroll (1 May 2008)

Since I already made this thread on single parenting, I figured I would throw in some discussion on the FCP( Family Care Plan).

Recently in my section, my CoC said they were having some concerns that I was not utilizing my FCP as much as I should be in regards to my kids appts. 
According to the CANFORGEN and the DAOD, the FCP is to be used when a member has a forecasted or unscheduled absence from the home, not or taking kids to dentist appts and such.

Am I incorrect in this thinking?

The reason I ask is because over the last 3 weeks, I have had all three kids to the dentist on two seperate days(still returning to work afterwards), one meeting with my oldest sons school(only gone for 45 minutes) and have an upcoming dental appt for my daughter to be fitted for her appliance(maybe be gone for an hour). 

Is it unreasonable for me to be making this appointments for my kids? 
I did not make any appts for them while I was on course(6mths long) and begin another course in just over a week. 


**edited for spelling


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## scoutfinch (1 May 2008)

Do what the rest of the world does and make the appointments for weekends or evenings.


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## Springroll (1 May 2008)

I am sure the school and the dentist will be willing to do that... :


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## scoutfinch (1 May 2008)

You aren't really suggesting that kids appointments with doctors, dentists and eye doctors and parent teacher interviews can't be scheduled for evenings and weekends, are you?

But what would I know?  I've only been doing it for 21 years.

 :


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## Springroll (1 May 2008)

scoutfinch said:
			
		

> You aren't really suggesting that kids appointments with doctors, dentists and eye doctors and parent teacher interviews can't be scheduled for evenings and weekends, are you?
> 
> But what would I know?  I've only been doing it for 21 years.
> 
> :



I am not new to this either...been doing it for 14 yrs, but not as a CF member and not as a single parent in the CF. 
I was more or less looking for advice from those "in the know" and with experience when it comes to this type of situation and to verfiy that my interpretation of the FCP is correct or not. I do not believe you have the experience, or knowledge of this, to assist in answering my question.

I definitely am not interested in your belittling attitude towards this situation.
If you want to be like that, PM me and do it there so that everyone is not subjected to it.

Cheers!


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## scoutfinch (1 May 2008)

Hmmmm.  I've done it as a service spouse. I've done it as a single parent university student.  I've done it as a working parent with a spouse. I've done it as a member of the CF.  So chances are, I know what I am talking about.

You asked for advice.  You got advice.  You didn't like the advice because you were looking for someone to say 'poor you'.  Well, suck it up.  Just like every other employed (military or civilian) parent (single or otherwise), you aren't ENTITLED to time off from your job in order to attend appointments unrelated to your job.  

If your employer gives you the time off, bonus.  If not, find a way to deal with it... like make appointments on weekends and evenings.  It really is that simple.


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## Springroll (1 May 2008)

scoutfinch said:
			
		

> Hmmmm.  I've done it as a service spouse. I've done it as a single parent university student.  I've done it as a working parent with a spouse. I've done it as a member of the CF.  So chances are, I know what I am talking about.



So if you know what you are talking about, how about you discuss the FCP then...and what it is intended for....


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## aesop081 (1 May 2008)

scoutfinch said:
			
		

> like make appointments on weekends and evenings.  It really is that simple.



Yup, it is that simple. Did the single parent thing before and doing it again next school year. Sometimes, you get time off, some days you have to take annual leave and sometimes you do what you have to do on evenings and weekends.


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## scoutfinch (1 May 2008)

I think the general rule is that we work when we are expected to work.  How about you explain to me why you should be able to take time off work to take your kids to appointments?

This really isn't about the FCP, despite it being raised as an issue with you.  I think the point that was being raised with you was that you need to engage a caregiver to take your kids to appointments.  Bottom line -- whether you use the same person listed on your FCP or not -- you are expected to work during work hours and you are expected to have made child care arrangements for those times.  I suspect that is the message that was being conveyed to you; however, you seem to think that you are entitled to take the time off because you are a single parent.  Well, you aren't.  No more than someone who has a stay at home spouse or a working spouse.  It's pretty straight forward and I don't know why you can't see that.

So, you really have two choices:  find someone to take your kids to appointments and/or schedule appointments on weekends and evenings.  Otherwise, take a day of leave.

P


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## Springroll (2 May 2008)

I still don't think you understand my question. As I posted yesterday, here is an exert from it:


			
				Springroll said:
			
		

> Recently in my section, my CoC said they were having some concerns that I was not utilizing my FCP as much as I should be in regards to my kids appts.
> *According to the CANFORGEN and the DAOD, the FCP is to be used when a member has a forecasted or unscheduled absence from the home, not for taking kids to dentist appts and such.
> 
> Am I incorrect in this thinking?*



Then I went on to give an example of the appts....how is that to be interpreted as me feeling _"entitled"? _ I *do not * feel entitled to getting the time off, but it's not like I am asking for time to go out and do my banking, pay bills or go for coffee(as some of them have done).

I asked a question, gave the reason why I was asking the question, and requested clarification by those with more experience then I when it comes to the FCP being used. 

You take it however you want to, but I think you are reading way to much into my post.

Cheers!


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## MJP (2 May 2008)

scoutfinch said:
			
		

> I think the general rule is that we work when we are expected to work.  How about you explain to me why you should be able to take time off work to take your kids to appointments?



I don't know maybe we've been treated differently for my entire time here in 1VP but I've never had an issue, given a soldier crap, or seen a soldier get so much as a raised eyebrow for asking for time off to take kids/wives various appts.  Maybe we just have leadership that realizes that the CF is no longer a employer of choice and giving a little bit of latitude to soldiers to allow them to retain a solid QOL leads to better retention overall.  

You can all explain to me till your blue in the face about the "needs of the service", but quite frankly is the service better served by enforcing Draconian measures that ensures that LS Springroll is at work everyday from 8am-4pm.   Or do we give some latitude and allow our soldiers to makes reasonable appts to ensure that they and their kids have a solid QOL that leads to actually retaining people instead of the bleeding off of people we are currently experiencing across the board?  The eighties are over, the Russians are no longer threatening the Fulda Gap and we the CF is not an employer of choice we are quite simply a job to many people.  If we don't treat our people right they will quite simply get a new job.

Springroll in my opinion your unit is being rather silly asking you to invoke your FCP everytime you need to take your kids to an Appt.  FCP are for unforecasted or unscheduled absences.  I've used mine a few times in that manner for various last minutes tasks/IRU callouts.  I've never been asked to utilize my FCP to take my kids to the dentist.


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## Sub_Guy (2 May 2008)

scoutfinch said:
			
		

> I think the general rule is that we work when we are expected to work.  How about you explain to me why you should be able to take time off work to take your kids to appointments?
> 
> This really isn't about the FCP, despite it being raised as an issue with you.  I think the point that was being raised with you was that you need to engage a caregiver to take your kids to appointments.  Bottom line -- whether you use the same person listed on your FCP or not -- you are expected to work during work hours and you are expected to have made child care arrangements for those times.  I suspect that is the message that was being conveyed to you; however, you seem to think that you are entitled to take the time off because you are a single parent.  Well, you aren't.  No more than someone who has a stay at home spouse or a working spouse.  It's pretty straight forward and I don't know why you can't see that.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a great morale booster, working 8-4, no one gets off early, not ever!  No one ever leaves early on a Friday for some "drinks", no one gets off early for hockey, golf, or any other sport.

I have never had an issue, and as it was mentioned earlier sometimes you are permitted to take time off, sometimes you have to take leave.  From my personal experiences I have found that sometimes I work late, sometimes I volunteer for the "less than desirable" job, and sometimes my department lets me leave early to take care of my personal admin.  You can't expect time off all the time, and if personal appointments are made later in the day its a little easier to get out, you can't make an appointment for 1130 and expect to be gone for the entire day.

That being said, it doesn't take long for people to see if you are abusing the time off factor, I mean if you are taking time off everyday, and your excuses include "Ultrasound for my budgie", "Goldfish X-rays" then you might want to cut back on the demands.

The FCP is NOT for appointments, and if your supervisor took the time to read the CANFORGEN they would see that.


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## Springroll (2 May 2008)

Thank you for the clarification, MJP and Dolphin_Hunter.


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## Springroll (4 Jul 2008)

So, this week I had the opportunity(if you can call it that) to "test" my FCP.
I am now working at MARPAC on FA(P)(normal base job til mid-july, thank goodness), and received word on Wednesday that I may be sailing for July and part of August. Got on the phone and notified my mom and sister(they are my FCP) and gave them a heads up that I could be leaving as early as Saturday or Sunday. They tightened up their boot straps and got stuff organized between the two of them. It worked wonderfully!

Unfortunately, found out this morning, that due to lack of female bunks, I will not be heading to Hawaii to join this other ship, but it was definitely a good test to see how quickly my FCP can get organized. 

Now if only the CF would move that fast! LOL....


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## The.Navigator (22 Dec 2008)

It was recommended that I start a new topic when I tried to post @ http://forums.milnet.ca/forums/threads/59519.0.html  as there had been no posts in over 100 days.

I just wanted to thank those who posted about single parenting at the above link.
I am very seriously considering joining the reserve forces, and wanted to know how other singles handled things.
I would definitely appreciate any more insights you could give into some of the issues you've come across with reserve as well as regular force and any great things you have to say as well about your experiences.
I'm specifically interested in joining in Toronto...so again, any info about the units there would be appreciated.

Thank you in advance.
Carla


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## Command-Sense-Act 105 (22 Dec 2008)

Here are the Army units in Toronto, all part of 32 Canadian Brigade Group.  Most have their own websites.

If you are thinking Navy, HMCS YORK is available.

Not sure about Air Reserve positions in Toronto, but just up the road near Barrie, at CFB Borden, 400 Tactical Helicopter Squadron may be to your liking.

As always, Canadian Forces Recruiting can answer nearly all questions online, in person or by telephone.

Best of luck in your search.

*The Army.ca Staff*


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## The.Navigator (22 Dec 2008)

Thanks. I appreciate the links.
I'm actually a civilian member of the 25 (Toronto) Battalion with their Pipes & Drums and I'm sure that's where I would choose to enlist should I submit an application. I know quite a few of the soldiers there.


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## missmague (2 Jan 2009)

Hi all,

I am not sure if this is the best place for advice on my situation, but I have tried searching (separated, access, etc.) things that deal with my situation and haven't gotten anything. So here it is...

I am divorced and my three children live with my ex-husband. I have access every other weekend as well as half of christmas break, all of march break and part of the summer break. I am applying for the regular forces - air force as an image tech or as a second option as a steward which is navy. Now obviously being posted away from my children would make the every other weekend access impossible, but I am pretty confident that I could win in a court that my access be changed to having them march break, over their christmas break (at least half as I have now) and the majority of their summer holidays (in lieu of every other weekend). Now my question is if this is fesible with either position. I understand that I would be away in some instances when I would have the children residing with me whether it is just working where I am posted or being away on a ship, etc. Is there help available as I would most likely be posted away from family and therefore not have that support system to take care of the children while I am away. Of course if I am just working where I am posted its just a matter of finding a suitable babysitter which I am fine with. It is more of a concern if say I have them in the summer and am gone for part of it. My ex-husband is not a flexible person so I know that something would have to be written out when I have them, etc. and then he would class any changes as "my problem" - I would still have to take them or not see them at all kind of thing. It is a difficult situation, but I know that you can make anything work if you put your mind to it. I know that I can make this work, just wanted advice on what is available so I can look at the options. 

Thanks in advance everyone.


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## Springroll (3 Jan 2009)

missmague, welcome!

You have quite a few questions which, too be honest, nobody can really answer but yourself.
I can tell you from my experience that these last few years have been absolutely insane for me as a single parent.
Only thing saving my sanity(and my butt) is my mother, my sister and boyfriend. 
They watch my children when I got to sea and that allows me to focus on the task at hand.
Now, when it comes to resources, the MFRC is your place to start. They will point you in the right direction.
When you do join, you will have to fill out a family care plan(FCP). 
It basically lets your bosses know you have arrangements for the care of your children should you have to unexpectedly be deployed somewhere.

As for when you should have your kids, or when is the best time, that is your choice. 
None of us will have to live with the outcome, so only you can really decide anything like that.

Good Luck.
Single Parenthood can be done with you being in the CF...


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## aesop081 (3 Jan 2009)

missmague said:
			
		

> Hi all,



Welcome



> Now my question is if this is fesible with either position.



It certainly is possible. How you make it work is entirely up to you. When my kids both lived with their mother, i was posted to the oposite end of the country. Obviously weekends were out but for longer periods like summer hollidays and x-mas, either myself or the kids travelled so we could be together.



> I understand that I would be away in some instances when I would have the children residing with me whether it is just working where I am posted or being away on a ship, etc.



Sometimes my kids were here to visit me for the summer and i still had to work. I'm lucky enough that they can stay home by themselves for a few hours while i was at work. Days where i was flying were different because i had to make sure they knew what to do in case i had to land somewhere and couldnt make it home that night. For longer terms abscences, you WILL NEED to have a plan in place if your children are with you at that time. When i deploy or go away on courses, freinds take care of the one daughter that lives with me or her grandparents come to my place if they are available. They dont live close but thankfully, they love coming here to help me out. Next year my second daugher comes to live with me and i will very much need the help.



> Is there help available as I would most likely be posted away from family and therefore not have that support system to take care of the children while I am away.



As was stated, each base has a military family center. They help and provide some services but that will only go so far. Your kids are YOUR responsabilty and not the CFs. I strongly suggest that when you get posted to a base, that you rapidly develop the needed support system.



> It is more of a concern if say I have them in the summer and am gone for part of it.



That is a very real possibility and that is something you must prepare for. See my comments above.



> just wanted advice on what is available so I can look at the options.



There is some help through the MFRC but in the end, how you deal with this situation is 100% up to you. I cant stress enough the fact that you need to build that support network at any base you may find yourself posted to. Over the years i have seen the CF make great strides in how it deals with families but in the end ( like i said before) this is YOUR resposability.


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## missmague (3 Jan 2009)

Thank you Springroll and Aviator for your quick responses. 

I agree with Aviator that my children are my responsibility. I do not expect anyone else to take that responsibility especially the CF. I was simply wondering how it is done - how others have done it, etc. as of course I do not know from personal experience. I know there are ways to work anything out. So I will take your advice and find that support system asap once I know where I will be posted. If I am either in Ontario or B.C. I do have family available if necessary to help out. And if all else fails they would simply stay with their father and step-mother if I am not able to be there. I just am the type of person that likes to know the what ifs before I take the steps. As a parent is not wise to go in blind lol as I am sure you all know from experience.


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## aesop081 (3 Jan 2009)

missmague said:
			
		

> If I am either in Ontario or B.C. I do have family available if necessary to help out.



Thats always a good start. Make sure you think about things like that when you are asked for your posting preferences. You may not get them but it never hurts to ask.




> I just am the type of person that likes to know the what ifs before I take the steps.



I understand the feeling. That being said, you can "what if" yourself to death. You cant think of everything and sometimes you just have to jump in and see how things work out. Before my one daughter moved in with me i made alot of arangements for every scenario i could think of. Trust me it didnt take long for me to find myself in one that i hadn't thought of. Thankfuly i always have my cell phone with me, have everyone's phone numbers and was able to think pretty quick that day.


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## BlueJingo (27 May 2009)

Hello,

Since I am in the reserves (QL3 qualified RMS) I am considering all my options to go Reg F when I am done my Mata Leave (BTW thank you for the responses to that post) and now I am just thinking about how I can manage living in the Reg F. I know that i have no idea where I would be posted and _*i just really want to know how other single parents cope living on base.*_

Some questions that cross my mind: ???
Are there child care options avail on/near bases? (some bases are more remote than others)
Would I be able to qualify for the waiting list for PMQ's being single with a dependant?
How would MFRC be able to assit me...is there a website/contact #?

For any single parents responding if you have any experiences you wish to share that would be appreciated!  

Thank you


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## aesop081 (27 May 2009)

BlueJingo said:
			
		

> Are there child care options avail on/near bases? (some bases are more remote than others)



Yes. Some MFRCs offer childcare programs and most areas have either in-home caregivers or dediicated centers. Just remember that shiftwork, exercises and deployments are things that make standard childcare impractical so think ahead. remember that childcare is YOUR problem, not the CF's.



> Would I be able to qualify for the waiting list for PMQ's being single with a dependant?



Yes.




> For any single parents responding if you have any experiences you wish to share that would be appreciated!



I'm a single father with 2 kids. I'm gone away often and usualy on short notice with unreliable return dates. Find yourself some very flexible arrangements and dont count on the MFRCs to do anything for you. Arrange everything yourself and plan for everything.


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## BlueJingo (27 May 2009)

Thank you for your post. Wow, a single Father of 2...   you do have a lot of experience!

I do understand that Childcare would be my responsibility (a little obvious as I am by myself lol ) ... that's why i'm trying to make an informed decision of whether or not it is the appropriate time to make the switch. 

"
	
	



```
Be prepared
```
". That's probably the best advice  :nod: 

Cheers!  :camo:


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## Springroll (17 Jul 2011)

So, since this topic is already here, I decided to add some more experiences that I have encountered since my last post about 2 years ago. My kids are now 16, 13 and 10.

I spent the last 3 years on ship, with there being quite a bit of sailing, both long and short trips. I was due to be deployed in 2008, but my boss felt that he would rather me be with my children then on the trip. I understood and was attach posted to another ship. During the last 3 years, I have spent 347 days at sea, which I had no clue about until the new Sea Service Insignia was due to come out. The issues i have found as of late have been more with my children than with my career. They began to act out more, became very disrespectful towards myself, urinating the bed (my youngest) and a multitude of other issues. After consulting with the ship's PA, I made an appt with the base social worker. My bosses were quite understanding through most of it, but with that said, they can sometimes have a very hard time understanding the struggles of not having a partner to help you out. Regardless, the children and I went to see the social worker at which time she suggested I go on a Compassionate Status....something I was not wanting to do. With additional assistance from my ship's PA(he is absolutely awesome!!), I began to draft up memo's and such to go on compassionate status, because at the end of the day, my kids are my absolute priority and I am all they have(my ex has chosen to not be in the picture). I never submitted the memo's, but 2 weeks later I found out I was posted ashore. 

Since the start of my posting a month ago, the change in my kids has been a complete 360. No more disrespect(other than usual teen issues), no more urinating the bed, everything has turned around. The struggles can be overwhelming at times, but with the support of your bosses, and even your ships PA, there are alot of options open, you just need to trust in them and ask for the help. Don't be to proud.


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## PMedMoe (18 Jul 2011)

Just curious:  Have you ever thought about remustering to another trade so that you don't have to go to sea?  That would also get you away from requiring/requesting the compassionate posting status.  IIRC, you can only have compassionate status for two years and only once (for the same reason) in your career.  Unless things have changed.......


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## vonGarvin (18 Jul 2011)

True.  Compassionate postings are good as a stop-gap measure in situations that are crappy, and as a tool, they are worth their weight in gold in accomodating service members so that they can sort things out.  But if things do turn around 360 degrees (eg: going back to the way they were heading in the first place), then other solutions have to be found, which may involve a career change.

I've known a few service members who did get compassionate status for a variety of reasons, and in every case, they were able to sort things out.  But in the end, there is the old adage: service before self, meaning that in the end, we (eg: the CF at large) can only accomodate for so long.  It's unfortunate in some cases, but there is a very good reason for it.


(Edited for clarity)


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## CountDC (18 Jul 2011)

Keep the memos handy.  As a sea trade on the coast (assuming you are still coastal) the shore posting can very quickly change into sailing again.


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## Springroll (18 Jul 2011)

I am still coastal, but with us having many ships heading into the Felex program, they are making most of the positions available on the ships only available to those requiring the training (I am 5A qual'd now, so don't require the training like a 4's trainee). I have also thought about remustering, and am currently seeing what options I have open to me, but nothing have really peaked my interested quite like going UTPNCM actually...that would keep me ashore til my youngest is either 15-16 and the other two would be 18 and 21 and hopefully moved out, and in the end, its a nicer pension  ;D  I think in the end, i would miss not going to sea, but I really have to focus on progression here, both at work and at home.

I really feel that luck was on my side with this posting, and since it wasn't on a compassionate basis, it won't affect my ability to merit next year.


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## PPCLI Guy (18 Jul 2011)

Springroll said:
			
		

> but nothing have really peaked my interested quite like going UTPNCM actually...that would keep me ashore til my youngest is either 15-16 and the other two would be 18 and 21 and hopefully moved out, and in the end, its a nicer pension  ;D



A truly great reason to volunteer to be an officer.  Be sure to mention that during your interview.  If you somehow get accepted, please be sure to tell all of your troops that what motivated you to become their leader was to have an easier go.  I am sure that they will gladly follow you anywhere after that...

 :facepalm:


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## Infanteer (18 Jul 2011)

Springroll said:
			
		

> I have also thought about remustering, and am currently seeing what options I have open to me, but nothing have really peaked my interested quite like going UTPNCM actually...that would keep me ashore til my youngest is either 15-16 and the other two would be 18 and 21 and hopefully moved out, and in the end, its a nicer pension  ;D



Don't worry, if you do fill that billet up, I'm sure someone else will be there to pick up your slack....where have all the tigers gone?


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## SeaKingTacco (18 Jul 2011)

If I understand Springroll correctly, the fact that she is a single parent has prevented her from sailing and contributing to CF in her current trade.  Now, she wants to go to school, on the CF's dime, become an officer, on the CF's dime, all so that she can stay ashore and avoid deploying.

I would say that that takes the "I'm putting self before service" award for this week...


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## HItorMiss (18 Jul 2011)

Gone are the days where it is Mission Men Self and if you never got to self well like forced rest you just did without.

I work at CFLRS and I truly say with shame "I weep for the future of my Military"


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## aesop081 (18 Jul 2011)

SeaKingTacco said:
			
		

> If I understand Springroll correctly, the fact that she is a single parent has prevented her from sailing and contributing to CF in her current trade.  Now, she wants to go to school, on the CF's dime, become an officer, on the CF's dime, all so that she can stay ashore and avoid deploying.
> 
> I would say that that takes the "I'm putting self before service" award for this week...



You forgot the pension..........don't forget the pension.


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## Melbatoast (19 Jul 2011)

I'm not joining the dogpile here but UTP isn't something you take lightly.  It's extremely competitive (3 guys for my occupation this year), and despite the very occasional shall we say "surprising" selection, the NCMs selected are pretty high speed/low drag.  I had to apply three times before I was successful, and had to put a _lot_ of effort in each year to improve - and I thought I was pretty good the first time.  One of the keys is to contribute as much as possible to your current job, which can make for an intense shore posting (ask me how I know).

That said there's nothing preventing you from giving it a shot, and as a side benefit yes you will get a few more years ashore.  But then you are a junior officer working your ass off.  It's a great program but it's not an easy go, and keep in mind as well they try to send as many people as possible to RMC.


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## Springroll (19 Jul 2011)

As a bit of a clarification, I said that UTPNCM is an option, along with also remustering. I have been in contact with a few officers who have done it, and am still in my options stage. I have not begun planning or anything, just seeking information on all my options. A benefit of going UTPNCM is not only the CF paying for additional education, having more of a career challenge, and of course, at the end of my career, having a nicer pension then as an NCM. Come on people...you don't agree that more money at retirement would be nicer? 

All I am trying to do is juggle being a single parent with the needs of my career. My children have sacrificed alot (and yes, I already know what you are going to say), and it would be nice to be able to give them a bit of a break from me going to sea and also to find a way to build my career and challenge myself.

Isn't that something most people want?


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## SupersonicMax (19 Jul 2011)

I think it is clear that Sprinroll (and her kids) have done a lot of sacrifices over the last 3 years, spending 1/3 of the time at sea.  I think, by doing that and going through with her sea posting, she proved that service is before self.  At some time though, we need to give the members a break, especially when it is possible to do so.  Some can take more than others (so to speak).  Some will just "suck it up", others will talk about it.  But in the end, their morale will be affected and productivity will likely be affected.  Frankly, someone cannot, 100% of the time be 100% dedicated to the CF.  If you want a life outside the CF (ie: partner, kids, friends), you will need to compromise and juggle career, family, friends, etc.  And I believe the system is designed that way.  I have seen it fail, where the system burns out its people, but most of the time it works.

Luckily, in this case, the system worked and her CoC realized that she needed time at home, and posted her ashore.  Facing the inevitable, a following sea posting, she comes up with solutions that will enable her to become more effective in the long run (a gain for the CF).  While weighting the pros and cons of every solution, who in their right mind would not consider financial and personal gain.  Nobody is immune to that.  I think it's clear that someone that is happy in what they are doing and the way they are treated are going to be more productive and unhappy members..  I have seen too many members that hated their jobs/working conditions and poisoned the work environment.

So to me, if her reasoning for going the UTPNCM route is that she will be happier in her job, I say go for it.  It will benefit the CF in the long run.


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## PPCLI Guy (19 Jul 2011)

SupersonicMax said:
			
		

> So to me, if her reasoning for going the UTPNCM route is that she will be happier in her job, I say go for it.  It will benefit the CF in the long run.



And there is the problem.  Being an officer is not "a job".  It is a calling.  It should and does demand even greater sacrifices on behalf of those led, and demands an even greater sense of service before self.


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## ballz (19 Jul 2011)

I see we're still in the business of taking a sentence or two and putting it through an exceptionally thorough analysis process :deadhorse:

Maybe we should split this thread for those who want to discuss why everyone should do what everyone else thinks they should do and why... oh wait, we've got those already, too...

EDIT to add: This thread is easy to search for and provides some good info/insight for those wondering about the topic... this new charade really ought to be done elsewhere to keep it that way.


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## SeaKingTacco (19 Jul 2011)

ballz said:
			
		

> I see we're still in the business of taking a sentence or two and putting it through an exceptionally thorough analysis process :deadhorse:
> 
> Maybe we should split this thread for those who want to discuss why everyone should do what everyone else thinks they should do and why... oh wait, we've got those already, too...
> 
> EDIT to add: This thread is easy to search for and provides some good info/insight for those wondering about the topic... this new charade really ought to be done elsewhere to keep it that way.



No Ballz, that is not what is going on here.  Some of the more senior members here (in the sense of years of military experience) are simply pointing out that the CF is built on the concept of "service before self".  While there will be many single parents in the CF (for many reasons), it is unrealistic to expect that, over the long run, they will get to consistently wave the "I'm a single parent, you can't deploy me" card.  Or that they can organize their career or life to be home at 1600hrs everyday, while their kids are school aged.

The point we are trying to make is, that single parents do have to decide, at some point, if the demands of service life are compatible with being a parent. The CF is not a giant daycare.   

And running away to be an officer, contrary to popular belief, makes it even more difficult to be a single parent.  Your time is even less your own.

But hey- if you and Max, with your vast experience in leading troops, want to have an opinion- who am I to stop you.


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## aesop081 (19 Jul 2011)

Fair points from several people, from "both" points of view. However, i have to ask :

You were at sea 347 days in 3 years and your kids had issues. What were you expecting it would be like when you joined the Navy ? You even picked a hard sea trade.


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## vonGarvin (19 Jul 2011)

SeaKingTacco said:
			
		

> And running away to be an officer, contrary to popular belief, makes it even more difficult to be a single parent.  Your time is even less your own.


Though I am a parent, I am not a single parent.  I am a product of the UTPNCM, and I have found that I am working much longer hours now as a senior officer than I was as a senior captain.  If I were a single parent, I'm not sure that I would have been able to maintain these hours.  For info, the hours varied and at times included Sunday evenings.


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## Kat Stevens (19 Jul 2011)

CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> Fair points from several people, from "both" points of view. However, i have to ask :
> 
> You were at sea 347 days in 3 years and your kids had issues. What were you expecting it would be like when you joined the Navy ? You even picked a hard sea trade.



Winner, winner, chicken dinner!  Did you not know you had kids when you signed up for a job afloat?


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## ballz (19 Jul 2011)

SeaKingTacco said:
			
		

> No Ballz, that is not what is going on here.  Some of the more senior members here (in the sense of years of military experience) are simply pointing out that the CF is built on the concept of "service before self".  While there will be many single parents in the CF (for many reasons), it is unrealistic to expect that, over the long run, they will get to consistently wave the "I'm a single parent, you can't deploy me" card.  Or that they can organize their career or life to be home at 1600hrs everyday, while their kids are school aged.
> 
> The point we are trying to make is, that single parents do have to decide, at some point, if the demands of service life are compatible with being a parent. The CF is not a giant daycare.
> 
> ...



Really, if that was the point you were all trying to make, fine and dandy, it was made with the first five of you that posted it. But if single parents didn't get it in the first five posts I doubt they'll get that point after another page and a half.

All that happened was a thread for single parents with advice and support for each other got turned the other way around. I don't see where I stated any opinion on your point, nay, I refrained from stating an opinion because it would detract from mine, which is that these opinions (yours/mine/theirs) belongs elsewhere, not in this thread, but in the many threads we have on it (being an officer and service before self, etc, there's a few of them around.).

Now, when a single parent uses the search function, why would they bother even reading through this rubbish? They'll start a different thread and get jumped by you senior folk for not using the search function.

Now we've got 2 senior members (both of the site and the CF) harping on her for "knowing what she signed up for" when in fact, if you read the thread, she was a married mother of three, already in the CF, and ended up divorced. How do you fine folks know she hasn't already sacrificed a husband for the CF?

But hey, thanks for sorting me out, you really got me there with the vast experience thing. I'll just crawl back in the corner now and let you all deteriorate what was a useful thread to the point that it gets locked up because it is now a useless thread and no one is actually helping anybody. Shouldn't be a long wait...


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## SeaKingTacco (19 Jul 2011)

Ballz,

I respectfully disagree with your assessment that this thread has now been "ruined".  On the contrary, I believe some reality and common sense has been reinjected.

Fact: There are single parents in the CF.

Fact: from time-to-time, they may (or may not) need some special consideration.

Fact: To expect, as a single parent, that you can do large parts of your CF career without threat of deployment or operational employment, just because you have kids to look after is unrealistic.  Those people may be forced to chose between parenting and having a career in the CF.  The CF is, first and foremost, about fighting.  Life is about choices.  That is the only point that I am trying to make- single parents, if they are not yet in the CF, have to have realistic expectations about what they are getting themselves into.  People who find themselves as single parents after joining the CF, must also do a realistic assessment of the balance that they can maintain between being an effective parent and being an effective CF member.  Some people find that they can do both very well- more power to them.  Others- not so much.  You may find what I am saying to be cruel and hard-hearted, but it is not, nor is it intended to be.


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## ballz (19 Jul 2011)

SeaKingTacco said:
			
		

> You may find what I am saying to be cruel and hard-hearted, but it is not, nor is it intended to be.



No, I don't at all. I'm going to PM you so that this thread has a glimmer of hope of getting back on its original track though.


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## Strike (19 Jul 2011)

Springroll -- You know I've come to your defence in the past but I have a hard time in this subject.

I've just finished a 9 month course that is akin to a year in university (okay, a little longer, but the workload is comparable).  There were people on my course who were located within the same area so were not on TD.  They went to school, came home, had to take care of their families and then had to deal with homework and study.  They had a very hard go of it, even with a spouse who could help out.

Going UTPNCM might be easier on the kids because you are physically present, but it will be several times harder on you.  There are only so many hours in the day and you will be expected to do this for 3 to 4 years and then do training in the summer to top it off -- that time of year when your kids are also off school.

I'm not saying it can't be done, just that it's quite a bit harder than you may realize.


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## Springroll (29 Jul 2011)

Strike said:
			
		

> Going UTPNCM might be easier on the kids because you are physically present, but it will be several times harder on you.  There are only so many hours in the day and you will be expected to do this for 3 to 4 years and then do training in the summer to top it off -- that time of year when your kids are also off school.
> 
> I'm not saying it can't be done, just that it's quite a bit harder than you may realize.



Thank you for your input here Strike, I really appreciate it.
After reading your post and speaking to a retired friend of mine that went UTPNCM, I have decided I am going to give it a couple more years before I persue it. With my youngest being 10 right now, I think if I were to wait til he was about 13, I would have less stress and more opportunity to be able to successfully complete my studies. He has mentioned that he was only able to do it because he had a wife at home to take care of the kids, otherwise he doesn't know how he would have completed it.

Thank you, Ballz for your correct assessment of what I have written in this thread. I was married to a CF member when I joined, and like I said before, due to circumstances beyond my control, I am now divorced. 
Kat Stevens, obviously I knew I had kids when I joined...they were 5, 9 and 12 at the time. It is all in this thread if the time was taken to read back a few years. 



			
				SeaKingTacco said:
			
		

> While there will be many single parents in the CF (for many reasons), it is unrealistic to expect that, over the long run, they will get to consistently wave the "I'm a single parent, you can't deploy me" card.



Just as an FYI, not all of us single parents "wave the I'm a single parent flag, you can't deploy me card. I have never once turned down the opportunity to deploy. Service was, and is, to my country when she needs me.

(((edited for spelling)))


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## spyder (19 Sep 2011)

I would just like to thank everyone for their input about this topic. It has cleared up many questions and concerns that I have about joining the CF and being a single parent. 
Thank you!!


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## Elfy (14 Mar 2012)

I am a single father, and as such I have always simply assumed that a roll in the military would be unsuitable for me. I understand that there is much that is done for couples, but I'm curious how that applies to a single parent. Are tours required for all positions? How long do they last? Is there any base which is both considered a tour, but also so far removed from combat that it is safe for children? On that note, are there soldiers stationed at Canadian Embassies?

Understandably there are rolls which can be filled that are relatively removed from the battlefield, but even a supportive roll would still require my children to be without a parent for the duration of a tour. It is that separation that I'm curious about, and in what ways might it be removed. As of yet, I have not contacted a recruiter since I'm still in the highly skeptical faze.


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## brihard (14 Mar 2012)

I'm a soldier, and an army brat with parents who ended up splitting. I can speak to this from a few angles.

"Are tours required for all positions?"

- I cannot, offhand, think of any trade that might not conceivably be deployed overseas on operation, be it on land, on ship, or as part of an air detachment. Tours will not generally be predictable in the long term sense. They may be on extremely short notice.

"How long do they last?"

- Unaccompanied deployments may last Anything from a few days or weeks to a year.

"Is there any base which is both considered a tour, but also so far removed from combat that it is safe for children?" Not int he way you're thinking of the terms. There are overseas postings that are not 'tours', but nor are they deployment son operations. It would be foolhardy to expect not to be operationally deployed at some point.

"On that note, are there soldiers stationed at Canadian Embassies?"

- In short, yes, in limited numbers. Not a factor in the careers of most soldiers.

"derstandably there are rolls which can be filled that are relatively removed from the battlefield, but even a supportive roll would still require my children to be without a parent for the duration of a tour."

- Correct.

"It is that separation that I'm curious about, and in what ways might it be removed."

- It cannot in all cases be removed.



Other things to consider at the many months you'll spend away on basic training, confined to living in barracks with your course. Then there's the time spent on training exercises in other parts of the country or the world where you'll be incommunicado. Dutt can strike hard and fast with little warning that could take you away from family.

Some people still pull off the single parent thing in the military, but I can't imagine how. I remember my dad being gone six months here, a year there, two months here again. Without another family member co-located - either a parent or someone willing to fill in - it would be very challenging, and frankly not fair to the child. Sorry for the discouraging answer, but I wanted to lay it out for you honestly.

That said, you might potentially be able to serve in the reserves if you still have an interest. You'd still be needing to find a caretaker for basic training (generally a few weekends a month for 4 or 5 months, and a couple full months the subsequent summer) but after that service is on a very part time basis where at worst you're gone for a weekend if you're content not to progress your career for some years.


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## fraserdw (14 Mar 2012)

I spent 7 years as a single parent, fortunately as a HQ slug, so my experience was some what easy.  I would never attempt to be a single parent in a unit.  You need a good stable extended family close by to make it as a single parent in the army and at a lower rank.


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## aesop081 (14 Mar 2012)

fraserdw said:
			
		

> I spent 7 years as a single parent, fortunately as a HQ slug, so my experience was some what easy.  I would never attempt to be a single parent in a unit.  You need a good stable extended family close by to make it as a single parent in the army and at a lower rank.



I made single parenting work in a high-tempo unit. It's not easy but very much depends on your personal situation. I was lucky that i had great freinds that would look after both my daughters and some family only a few hours away that could step in as required. No-notice deployments were always a problem but i somehow always made it work. I was lucky that my girls were old enough and mature enough to handle themselves if i had to divert to another airfield for the night when i was flying from home base.


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## Wookilar (14 Mar 2012)

Elfwall said:
			
		

> I understand that there is much that is done for couples...



Brihard's and Aviator's posts are both good and give you some idea of what to expect and what is required.

I have had a few single parents work with me/for me over the years. It is never easy, some are not able to handle it for long given the tempo we sometimes have in field units, but others can and do make it work and have had long successful careers.

Just want to clear up something though, re: the quote from you above.

Not sure what you "understand" but my spouse is a stay-at-home mom and she would spit venom at anyone that suggested the CF has ever done anything for her or us _as a couple/family_. Hell my first tour I had less than 2 weeks notice lol.

Whether you are single/married should have no bearing on how the CF treats you. If you have good bosses (what I consider good anyway), no one gets treated differently. I have been in units, and on tours, where married pers were given preferential treatment wrt trips home, Christmas duties and work after-hours (I have also seen single members given priority for things like Christmas leave/flights). It's not supposed to happen and, in my experience, has always resulted in bad blood and had a negative effect on morale for the whole unit.

Of course, there are always exceptions that will be determined on a case-by-case basis on any kind of special or unordinary treatment. We are not a heartless anti-family (or anti-single) organization. Our job is to promote the welfare of our people, doesn't matter on family situation.

The CF comes first, which can be a hard pill to swallow for (most) families, at least some of the time. If you plan accordingly, it can work out.

Wook


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## Elfy (14 Mar 2012)

Brihard said:
			
		

> Other things to consider at the many months you'll spend away on basic training, confined to living in barracks with your course. Then there's the time spent on training exercises in other parts of the country or the world where you'll be incommunicado. Dutt can strike hard and fast with little warning that could take you away from family.
> 
> Some people still pull off the single parent thing in the military, but I can't imagine how. I remember my dad being gone six months here, a year there, two months here again. Without another family member co-located - either a parent or someone willing to fill in - it would be very challenging, and frankly not fair to the child. Sorry for the discouraging answer, but I wanted to lay it out for you honestly.



Thank you for you response. I was hoping for an in depth and blunt answer, which is also why I have yet to question a recruiter. Nervous that their response would be "apply now, and we'll figure out the details later".

Is "dutt" an acronym? Or was it a keystroke error and intended to be duty.

My main point of apprehension is tour length. Not in the sense of planning for the care as the length can change at any time, but to the impact on my children. If the tours were weeks, then it can be dealt with. If the tours are months, then my kids at their present ages would have issues with it. Of course this is all predicting the future which is rather difficult. Either way, thank you for your post as it has given me some points to consider.




			
				fraserdw said:
			
		

> I spent 7 years as a single parent, fortunately as a HQ slug, so my experience was some what easy.  I would never attempt to be a single parent in a unit.  You need a good stable extended family close by to make it as a single parent in the army and at a lower rank.



I have family in the Edmonton area, though I'd prefer not to be dependent on that network. It would limit the bases I could be stationed at, and therefore limit the positions I could apply for. As for the slug... Well, I am posting questions to an online forum as opposed to physically asking them at a recruiting station so I likely would fit right in with fellow slugs.




			
				CDN Aviator said:
			
		

> I made single parenting work in a high-tempo unit. It's not easy but very much depends on your personal situation. I was lucky that i had great freinds that would look after both my daughters and some family only a few hours away that could step in as required. No-notice deployments were always a problem but i somehow always made it work. I was lucky that my girls were old enough and mature enough to handle themselves if i had to divert to another airfield for the night when i was flying from home base.



How long were your tours typically? Also, were your daughters children/pre-teen/teen?




			
				Wookilar said:
			
		

> Just want to clear up something though, re: the quote from you above.
> 
> Not sure what you "understand" but my spouse is a stay-at-home mom and she would spit venom at anyone that suggested the CF has ever done anything for her or us _as a couple/family_. Hell my first tour I had less than 2 weeks notice lol.



My apologies to your spouse, I should not have used the word "much" since I was only able to think of a single example. Which is of alternating tours when both parents are serving, so that at least one parent is able to remain with the children. From the perspective of a couple, this is nothing. I am not a couple, so I took it from the perspective of my children, and from that perspective a single parent is _much_ better then no parent.

---

I suppose that many are questioning why a single parent would consider joining the military. Well, there is no ideal career for a single parent, and so I'm looking into careers that I'm interested in. Might as well settle for a less then ideal career doing what I want, rather then a less then ideal career which holds no interest for me. No matter what I choose, there will be difficulties.


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## brihard (15 Mar 2012)

My deployment to Afghanistan was six months to the day. That's a mercifully short one by most reckonings. Assume that periodically you will deploy for as long or longer.


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## ttlbmg (15 Mar 2012)

I am not sure for smaller bases, but I know that the MFRCs on larger bases to offer support programs for children that have a parent deployed. There are after school programs available at some MFRCs specifically designed for children with a deployed parent, and I do believe that there are counselling services available to children and families (whatever your family is represented by, whether it be grandparents, friends, extended family, etc.) I have also found that with my spouse's deployments that one of the biggest support systems has been his coworkers that were not overseas with him, and other military spouses with deployed spouses. The friendships he has developed have been an amazing support system for us, whether it be something as simple as extra help shovelling a driveway or getting the car repaired, to having someone else for my kids to hang out with. If you get the right group of people, they make the time much easier. 

It depends on the age of your kids though, as well. Our kids are younger, so explaining makes it harder, but they have adjusted easily to dad being gone when he has to be gone. Although, I know folks with much older kids, that understand when and why dad is gone, but are well adjusted as well. It all depends on so many things. If your kids are old enough, try discussing this issue with them. Every kid will react in a different way. It would be up to your and their judgment as to whether or not you think that they could endure separation and deal with everything in a healthy way. Good luck on your decisions though. Tough ones for sure!


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## captloadie (15 Mar 2012)

I think that we need to be realistic with the OP.  Does anyone here know of someone who joined as a single parent, with younger children? Very few people who are single parents before they join the military could make it work. As well, you wouldn't be limited to what bases and positions you could go to. You _would be going_, and have to figure out how to make it work. 

If people here are honest, they can all think of an example of the single parent who they bitch about because it seems they get all the breaks, or are hidden away from tours and taskings etc. It is often even unconscously done by supervisors. Now, before CA chews me a new one, I am in no way saying the majority of single parents aren't pulling their weight, just that we can all think of some who aren't.


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## aesop081 (15 Mar 2012)

captloadie said:
			
		

> Now, before CA chews me a new one,



Quite to the contrary. I agree with you. I have managed to make it work for several years and will make it work once again starting this APS. It is hard but, for some, it can work.


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## PMedMoe (15 Mar 2012)

When I rejoined in '95, one of the girls on my course was a single parent.  When we got posted to the field unit, I found that some of the married couples got more breaks than she did.  She never complained once.  I guess it's up to the individual not to be a "burden" on their unit.


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## Pusser (15 Mar 2012)

I think the bottom line is that you need to have a plan for your children when you are unable to make it home at the end of the day because that's the reality of life in the CF.  Yes there are 8-4/M-F jobs in the CF, but there are also many that require overnights and weekends.  Even the mundane 8-4/M-F jobs may require trips out of town and/or overnight duty watches.  As for deployments, a good working figure for you use is six months as most will be close to that.


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## jrst (21 Mar 2012)

I'm not quite in the same boat as you- I'm divorced, and my ex and I share time with our 3 year old daughter, so at least I know that when (if) I get in and have to go on training, he is able to step up and look after her.  That being said, she is the reason I am only applying to the Reserves.  I was more concerned about getting posted to the other side of the country from her.  Obviously they could try to accommodate me, but anything can happen.  Even if my ex were willing to follow me around the country, I think it would be rough on her to be uprooted every few years when I get a new posting.  When she's older, though, and can travel on her own so it wouldn't be as big of a deal if I were posted further away, I am considering that I might want to transfer to the Regular Forces at that time. 
Just a thought.


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## Khud83 (16 Jun 2013)

Hi Everyone, 

I am looking for some honest advice on and off the books. 

I am a single mom of two young kids, 4 and 5. The father is involved to a certain extent. Summer visits, holidays etc...however I am seriously considering and I really do want to apply to the naval reserves. I would like to apply for the position of military officer as I already have a degree in criminology. 

I am mostly interested in being a full time reservists. Possibly even becoming regular force at a later date.  Can any one please explain to me how much time I can expect to be away fr my kids if I am a full time reservist as a military police officer.  I read  on the website that training is with the home unit? Does this mean all training except basic training??? What about officer training? 

Also, once I apply, how long until my testing, as I am out of shape and need to work on that before I am tested or begin basic training.

Any other general advice for single mothers would be appreciated! 
I really want to do this but being a good officer is important to me, so is being a good mom. Can I be both?!??


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## mariomike (16 Jun 2013)

Khud83 said:
			
		

> Any other general advice for single mothers would be appreciated!



Single Parenting in the CF  
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/50191.0

CT to Regs and being a single mom  
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/86356.0/nowap.html

Single Parents in the Military  
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/50433.0/nowap.html

Single Parenthood  
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/105007.0/nowap.html

Edit to add.

"THE MILITARY - YOUR FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES - IMPORTANT"
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/30772.0/nowap.html

"THE MILITARY AND YOUR FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES - UPDATED FOR 2007"
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/66468.0.html

Family Care Plan
Family Care Assistance
Emergency Child Care Service
Emergency Respite Child Care Service
http://www.familyforce.ca/sites/Trenton/EN/Parents%20and%20Caregivers/Documents/FamilyCarePlan.pdf


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## MikeL (16 Jun 2013)

Khud83 said:
			
		

> I am mostly interested in being a full time reservists.



Don't expect too much full time employment outside of courses as a new unqualified Reservist. Once you are qualified in your trade, the opportunity for full time employment may be available.  If you want to be full time the entire time you are in the Military, go Regular Force IMO.

I'd recommend you go visit/call your local Navy unit and see what trades they have available.  Here is a list of trades available in the Navy Reserve - I do not see MP or MPO being a option in the Navy Reserve.
http://www.navy.forces.gc.ca/navres/jobsAvailable_emploisDisponibles/partTime_tempsPartiel/overview_survol-eng.asp



			
				Khud83 said:
			
		

> Can any one please explain to me how much time I can expect to be away fr my kids if I am a full time reservist as a military police officer.



Speak with the Reserve unit you are interesting in joining, they will explain the various course lengths, and any unit training.  If you wish to be a MP/MPO speak with the local Army Reserve MP unit(if there is one in your area).



			
				Khud83 said:
			
		

> Also, once I apply, how long until my testing, as I am out of shape and need to work on that before I am tested or begin basic training.



Perhaps you should get in shape first before applying.  The application process varies from person to person, some can get in quickly, others may wait longer for it too happen.


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## kratz (16 Jun 2013)

You should aim to be in shape before applying. Fitness is part of the UoS, this standard applies to all RegF and PRes members.

NavRes does not have military police as an MOC. If this is the trade you want, then you will have to apply to a local army unit.

My suggestion is to read through the various threads posted on the site here. Some of the comments may be older, but often the advice is sound. Once you have read the comments, asking an informed question will garner more precise answers.


You will not have much opportunity to for full-time employment (on course or employment) with NavRes until you have completed your initial training. You will be asked to fill out a form (AVREP: Availability Report) that will inform your Career Manager what weeks  / months you are available for full-time courses or work. This allows you time to plan for your family to be looked after and still meets the needs of the RCN.
While there is training at the local NRDs (Naval Reserve Divisions), the formal courses are normally full-time on one of the coasts (NS or BC), in Quebec City (NRHQ) or CFB Borden, ON (support trades). Since the majority of reservists are in school, most full-time courses are offered on the school year schedule. So you might be away from your children for up to 2.5 months, depending on the training required.

The Naval Reserve has a full-time operational role, so there are many full-time positions available for *trained personnel*. Once you agree and sign the "contract" for your full-time position, you 'can be' tasked away at a moment's notice. This is why you will need to submit a Family Care Plan to you unit. This document shows your unit you have a plan in place that will ensure your children are taken care of if you are called out right away. There are examples where that has happend to reservists in Canada over the past 20 years.

As you read through the site, you will see in the reserves, many members hold degrees. I know many who have Masters Degrees who are NCMs instead of choosing to become an Officer. This is a personal choice and something that you should be aware of. Knowing this could open up options and opportunities for you that you may not have considered.

Exempt Basic training is offered to those who have previous military experience or equivalent knowledge. For the majority of people of the street, this is not an option.


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## Khud83 (16 Jun 2013)

Hi Skeletor,

Thanks for replying. 

Yes, I went to browse jobs, input; part time, navy, bachelors degree,  and military police officer job had come up in the search as job available now.  I attached a picture to show you where I found it, in case I misunderstood.  I am willing to relocate with my family if the position is not available here in halifax.

I had heard training for reserves is only on weekends even for basic training? Is this true??? Doesn't seek like that would be, but I am not sure.  I just am getting an idea of what and how much care I would need. 

I am waiting to here back from someone I sent questions to but i think he is on course and was hoping someone could answer in the mean time and maybe get some feedback for someone who had direct experience with a single parent in the forces or is a single parent. 

Thanks for telling me that full time is not usually possible that is good to know. I would like full time, however with children I thought not having a contract was the best way to go.  I will have to reconsider. 

Yes, I tend to agree with you. I think I will get in shape before I apply.  I just hope I don't miss the opportunity. 

Thanks for taking the time to reply!!!


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## kratz (16 Jun 2013)

No NRD has a position for the Military Police NCM or Officer MOS.

NavRes will not pay to relocate an untrained member on Class A (part-time) employment.

While the army reserve does conduct weekend BMQ / BMOQ, the Naval Reserve only offers full-time courses.

In Halifax the NRD is HMCS SCOTIAN, if the recruiter is not in ask for the Ship's Office and let them know you have a few simple questions. If they are not busy, they will often be happy to help you out with a few answers that they can or direct your call to someone who can help you.


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## Khud83 (16 Jun 2013)

NavRes does not have military police as an MOC. If this is the trade you want, then you will have to apply to a local army unit.

---thank you for this info, I am located in halifax but there is also a Army base in the valley and I would like that as well.  I was not sure of this and appreciate this info. Thanks!' 

---as for training, going away would not be a problem if fr 2.5 months especially in the summer etc. their dad could take them.  

The Naval Reserve has a full-time operational role, so there are many full-time positions available for trained 
As you read through the site, you will see in the reserves, many members hold degrees. I know many who have Masters Degrees who are NCMs instead of choosing to become an Officer. This is a personal choice and something that you should be aware of. Knowing this could open up options and opportunities for you that you may not have considered.

----I did not know this and will have to read more to understand. What are the main differences and benefits to each??? I have much to learn....


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## Khud83 (16 Jun 2013)

Hi Kratz 

Thank you!!! You have been a huge help! I will contact  ship's office as well to ask some questions then, maybe contact an army recruiter as well. 

I think now I will also look into Army Reserves.  I at least have a better understanding of what is possible and what isn't and a few other options to look into.  I do not mind full time courses at all.  It would be nice to get the training done!!! But regardless it seems I should look into the Army more as well. 

Thanks so much!!!!


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## kratz (16 Jun 2013)

----I did not know this and will have to read more to understand. What are the main differences and benefits to each??? I have much to learn....

If you live in the Valley, one benefit to be aware of is CAA (Commuting Assistance Allowance). This is money (per kilometer after the first 32) that is paid for you to travel to and from the unit for work. This is on top of your pay, but it is fully taxable, like your pay (so take off CPP, EI and income tax). 

Based on the open ended questions you are asking, search this site and read the topics some more. When you have specific questions many people are willing to help answer them.

If you are interested in the Naval Reserve, do contact the unit at the link provided above. They are there to help you directly. No pressure, no commitment, no embarrassment. Get your answers directly from the horse's mouth, rather than some random scuttle butt on the internet.

With you holding a degree, yes you do qualify as a DEO candidate, but the onus and expectations are higher as well, compared to entering as an NCM. As a DEO entry, this past year in Halifax I think we had 4 DEO positions, compared to 14 NCMs. The unit's recruiter will know the exact numbers better, but they will be similar. Most Officer formal initial courses will take you to the west coast, while your sea time could be on either coast and there will be lots of sea time. As an NCM, depending on your trade, the length of sea time will vary. *Sea time means being away from your family.* This is a sacerfice, but that is factored in with higher pay, allowances and other benefits, as well as full-time employment opportunities.

So if you are open to other jobs (not just MP or Officer), if you are open to sacrifice for training and full-time employment to better your family, then NavRes might be an option for you. If you want to remain mostly part-time, 24 days a years on average, or one day a week that is part of the Naval Reserve as well. Once your initial training is completed as well.


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## Khud83 (16 Jun 2013)

Kratz, 

I really do prefer full time work to be honest. Just 25 days a year would be disappointing. I want to be much more involved then that.   I am open to other trades though, however I prefer MP but will keep an open mind. I will also be open to NCM now that I understand better.   I think that being away at sea and training of course will be hard for me, but it is a chance for the children's dad to take a more active role as well as he is a good father and supportive.  I am going to do some more research, read through the posts and come back with more question I am sure. I will also contact the office first! 

Thanks for the info about travel expenses!!!!! Good to know! I do not live in the valley, although am from there, I live in halifax but I have no problem moving to the valley at all.  


At least now I feel I have something to go on in finding more info!!!  
Thanks again!  lol I am sure ill be back.


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## Shamrock (16 Jun 2013)

Khud83 said:
			
		

> NavRes does not have military police as an MOC. If this is the trade you want, then you will have to apply to a local army unit.



3 MP Regiment is in Lower Sackville.


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## Khud83 (16 Jun 2013)

Thank-you Shamrock!!! 
I will contact them!!


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## Hunter (17 Jun 2013)

I joined the reserves at 33 as a single parent of one child, mother not involved at all.  It's entirely doable, and well worth the extra challenges of arranging child care during courses and all that.  Over the years I missed a few courses and training opportunities because of some of the constraints of single parenting, and it took a bit longer than usual to get the career courses I needed but ultimately when things lined up and I had child care covered I was able to get the courses I needed.   The military has been very good to me and almost a dozen years later I'm still in and still love it. I think there has been a lot of very sage advice passed on in this thread.  My own experience has been that as long as you are motivated and demonstrate a can-do attitude towards the job, the military will be very supportive in return.  Good luck with it!


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## Khud83 (17 Jun 2013)

Hunter,
Thank you so much!!! It really is good to hear from someone who made it work!!!
So refreshing! It's a big worry for me!!!! To hear from someone who made it work is really great if you don't mind I will probably send you a private message


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## Downhiller229 (13 Nov 2016)

Hypothetical scenario/Question, would a single parent be able to enrol in the CAF? If so are they provided some kind of assistance for child care while they are on course?

What about for a service with children, can a spouse be sent to BMQ while her husband (or vice versa) is on a career course?

Just curious if anyone ever navigated that problem. Or if any assistance is provided.

Thanks!


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## mariomike (13 Nov 2016)

Downhiller229 said:
			
		

> Hypothetical scenario/Question, would a single parent be able to enrol in the CAF?



Single Parents in CF (merged)
https://army.ca/forums/threads/50191.0;nowap
6 pages.

THE MILITARY AND YOUR FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES 
http://milnet.ca/forums/threads/66468.0.html
2 pages.



			
				Downhiller229 said:
			
		

> If so are they provided some kind of assistance for child care while they are on course?



Child Care - Before, During and After Basic- Merged  
https://army.ca/forums/threads/46873.0



			
				Downhiller229 said:
			
		

> What about for a service with children, can a spouse be sent to BMQ while her husband (or vice versa) is on a career course?



Service couples
https://www.google.ca/search?q=site%3Aarmy.ca+single+parent&sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-CA:IE-Address&ie=&oe=&rlz=1I7GGHP_en-GBCA592&gfe_rd=cr&ei=2hgpWIOACMGC8QfRx4PgAQ&gws_rd=ssl#q=site:army.ca+service+couples

etc...


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## Downhiller229 (13 Nov 2016)

Sorry, I forgot it was a mortal sin on this site to not explicitly state that you had searched the site for information. I did, didn't find much more then you provided (although I do enjoy the Google function I learned how to use tonight).

Most of those threads are dated and don't really answer my questions other then "yes, people have been military as single parents" I was just wondering if there was any recent experience in the matter. Again it's mostly hypothetical. 

Thanks for taking the time to reply though!


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## AbdullahD (13 Nov 2016)

DownHiller229 I would not take MarioMike doing this as an attack. I take it more as a reminder and he just enjoys it or likes helping


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## mariomike (13 Nov 2016)

AbdullahD said:
			
		

> DownHiller229 I would not take MarioMike doing this as an attack. I take it more as a reminder and he just enjoys it or likes helping



Thanks, Abdullah.

Proverb. No good deed goes unpunished. Beneficial actions often go unappreciated or are met with outright hostility. If they are appreciated, they often lead to additional requests.


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## Downhiller229 (13 Nov 2016)

I thought I replied a few minutes ago, apparently not.

I didn't mean to be snarky or sarcastic just got lost in translation maybe! Thanks for your help and I'll peruse a bit more to see if I can gather information to refine my questions (if I still have some) 

Cheers


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## Emily92 (3 Jan 2017)

I am just wondering if any full time single parents have any tips/suggestions on successfully making it through your BMQ and job training.  


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## vonGarvin (3 Jan 2017)

Emily92 said:
			
		

> I am just wondering if any full time single parents have any tips/suggestions on successfully making it through your BMQ and job training.


My advice?  Don't do it.

Yes, I'm a single parent (full time), and just being a way for a week at a time with my teen daughter under someone else's care is enough to give me the heebie jeebies.


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## Emily92 (3 Jan 2017)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> My advice?  Don't do it.
> 
> Yes, I'm a single parent (full time), and just being a way for a week at a time with my teen daughter under someone else's care is enough to give me the heebie jeebies.



It's not a matter of doing or not. I have my mind made up doing it just need tips /tricks to get through!   [emoji173]


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## vonGarvin (3 Jan 2017)

Emily92 said:
			
		

> It's not a matter of doing or not. I have my mind made up doing it just need tips /tricks to get through!   [emoji173]
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



I gave you my advice. There are no tricks. Either find a spouse to watch over your kids, or stay home and be a parent. That is my advice. Take it or leave it.


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## Bruce Monkhouse (3 Jan 2017)

Emily92.......one thing you will find here is the answers are not sugar-coated.  TK gave you his advice and I'm sure others will be around to give some more.  Might be what you want to hear or it might not,.......but it will be the truth as they see it.

Bruce


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## PMedMoe (3 Jan 2017)

Technoviking said:
			
		

> I gave you my advice. There are no tricks. Either find a spouse to watch over your kids, or stay home and be a parent. That is my advice. Take it or leave it.



Wow....IMO it's not an "either/or" thing.

How about parents and/or other family members?  Pretty sure lots of people have gone thru BMQ and other courses as a single parent.  Just don't expect any special treatment.


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## Emily92 (3 Jan 2017)

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> Wow....IMO it's not an "either/or" thing.
> 
> How about parents and/or other family members?  Pretty sure lots of people have gone thru BMQ and other courses as a single parent.  Just don't expect any special treatment.



Deft not on here looking for special treatment or anything to be sugar coated.  I have a strong backbone and I am ready.             Sorry for thinking other single parents could help with personal stories 


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## Bruce Monkhouse (3 Jan 2017)

Emily92 said:
			
		

> Deft not on here looking for special treatment or anything to be sugar coated.  I have a strong backbone and I am ready.             Sorry for thinking other single parents could help with personal stories
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



They can,....be patient....


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## mariomike (3 Jan 2017)

Emily92 said:
			
		

> I am just wondering if any full time single parents have any tips/suggestions on successfully making it through your BMQ and job training.



To add to these six pages of tips/suggestions,

OP:
need some help figuring out a mess im in  
http://army.ca/forums/threads/90446.0
"my parents informed me they could no longer watch my 2 1/2 yr old daughter. being a single mom that is a problem. so while my platoon was graduating I had a red flagged vr to get home asap."

BMQ/Military course as a single parent. 
https://army.ca/forums/threads/124592.0

THE MILITARY AND YOUR FAMILY RESPONSIBILITIES 
http://milnet.ca/forums/threads/66468.0.html
2 pages.

Child Care - Before, During and After Basic- Merged  
https://army.ca/forums/threads/46873.0

Single parenting in the CF - A personal story
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/60342.0.html

Single parenting in the CF - Another personal story
http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/83897.0.html

OP:


			
				Downhiller229 said:
			
		

> Hypothetical scenario/Question, would a single parent be able to enrol in the CAF? If so are they provided some kind of assistance for child care while they are on course?


https://army.ca/forums/threads/124592.0

OP:


			
				IntelGirl said:
			
		

> I won't be applying for a year and a half however, as I have to make arrangements to have my daughter taken care of (single mother) and complete my high school.


https://army.ca/forums/threads/87512.0

OP:


			
				OV1984 said:
			
		

> Also being a single mom, is childcare or something similar provided by the force?


http://army.ca/forums/threads/106181.0/nowap.html

Single Parent
https://www.google.ca/search?q=site%3Aarmy.ca+single+personal&sourceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-CA:IE-Address&ie=&oe=&rlz=1I7GGHP_en-GBCA592&gfe_rd=cr&ei=PxBsWMavJoKN8QeTvqOgAw&gws_rd=ssl#q=site:army.ca+%22single+parent%22

etc...


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## Emily92 (3 Jan 2017)

PMedMoe said:
			
		

> Wow....IMO it's not an "either/or" thing.
> 
> How about parents and/or other family members?  Pretty sure lots of people have gone thru BMQ and other courses as a single parent.  Just don't expect any special treatment.



Agreed.  I don't need a spouse to look after MY kid....   (my family is going to do that ) I just wanted people's experiences. 


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## PuckChaser (3 Jan 2017)

Emily92 said:
			
		

> Agreed.  I don't need a man to look after MY kid....   (my family is going to do that ) I just wanted people's experiences.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It's a new CAF, no one said your new spouse had to be male, or any gender at all.


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## beachdown (10 Jan 2017)

Hello there,

Your concerns are valid and yes I do know where you are coming from. You have to be aware of the expected amount of time you are going to be away from home on BMQ, and time after grad while awaiting trade trg. If you are lucky after BMQ you can get posted close to home which means you get to go home on weekends. Living outside is another option but do you really want to be disrupting your teen's status quo?

Your best bet is to have grandma/pa move into your place for this period, or have your teen go live with your sis/bro if the option is there? A good close friend with a kid the same age might also be willing to take your teen in



			
				Emily92 said:
			
		

> Agreed.  I don't need a spouse to look after MY kid....   (my family is going to do that ) I just wanted people's experiences.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Emily92 (10 Jan 2017)

beachdown said:
			
		

> Hello there,
> 
> Your concerns are valid and yes I do know where you are coming from. You have to be aware of the expected amount of time you are going to be away from home on BMQ, and time after grad while awaiting trade trg. If you are lucky after BMQ you can get posted close to home which means you get to go home on weekends. Living outside is another option but do you really want to be disrupting your teen's status quo?
> 
> Your best bet is to have grandma/pa move into your place for this period, or have your teen go live with your sis/bro if the option is there? A good close friend with a kid the same age might also be willing to take your teen in





My son is only 3 he will be staying with my parents while I am away  


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