Not the kind of crisis I needed just before deployment...

[brihard]

I've never talked about this before, but I could use some advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been cheating on me.

The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My girlfriend has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi?

I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my girlfriend I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my car next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my car , that I noticed that my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

 

[Sig_Des]

LOL,

Damn Bri, you almost had me feeling bad for you! Good thing you can get vehicle maintenance money. Unfortunately, no such thing as GF maintenance.

 

[Celticgirl]

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

:rofl:

 

[George Wallace]

Are you positive it was your car?  Perhaps someone else had parked there?  Did you pay for the Extended Warranty?  How well does your Dealer know your Car?  Perhaps you could Trade her in for two newer models.

 

[NL_engineer]

Ditch her and get a new one (applies to both  ;D)

 

[HItorMiss]

Get her drunk, so drunk she passes out, then drive your car to a river.....Get out and strap her in to the drivers seat. Then foot on accelerator into drive and voila, she drowns and insurance gets you a new vehicle. Problem solved it's a 2 4 1  ;D

NOTE: Only works if she is insured under you r you have casual driver coverage

 

[armyvern]

...
I decided I was going to park my car next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my car , that I noticed that my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Just ask your girlfriend to take you to the place she's been getting all her oil changes done at ...

>

 

[aesop081]

Why a car is better than a woman……



1- A car’s skin doesn’t wrinkle as bad

2- Cars don’t take forever to warm up

3- You can keep a car from stalling

4- A car moves when you tell it to

5- A car does not object to a pre-delivery inspection

6- cars come with manuals

7- Cars have STRICT weight limits

8- Cars don’t have parents

9- Cars don’t whine unless something is REALY wrong

10- Cars don’t care about how many other cars you have driven

11- Cars don’t care if you look at other cars, or buy car magazines

12- Cars don’t insult you if you are a bad driver

13- It’s always ok to use tie-downs on your car

14- Cars don’t care if you are late

 

[Jammer]

Get rid of her!
We have more to worry about for the next seven months.

 

[Sig_Des]

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets Ford and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your invention ... the Assembly line for the automobile ... changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."

Ford thinks about it, and says, "I want to hang out with God Himself." So the befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room, and introduces him to God.

Ford asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were you thinking?"

God asks, "What do you mean?"

"Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
3. Maintenance is extremely high.
4. It constantly needs repainting and refinishing.
5. Every 28 days it leaks fluid and is rendered out of service.
6. The rear end wobbles too much.
7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
8. The headlights are usually too small.
9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.

"Hummmm," replies God, "hold on a minute."

God goes over to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. In no time, the computer prints out a report and God reads it. God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to these statistics, more men are riding my invention than yours."

 

[George Wallace]

Oh!  You were talking about the car engine leaking oil.  Well.  That clears up what Dealer you were talking about too.........I think.

 

[brihard]

Get rid of her!
We have more to worry about for the next seven months.

Someone always bites.  ;D

 

[davidk]

Bri,

Having been through something quite similar to this in the past couple of months, I know just how you feel. A leaky engine can be the cause of much misery and my advice would be (as hard as this sounds) to just let it go for now. If she's not working out for you, don't put yourself through the trouble. This applies to both of your problems.

Be safe over there, and try not to let her get you down.

Dave

 

[brihard]

Bri,

Having been through something quite similar to this in the past couple of months, I know just how you feel. A leaky engine can be the cause of much misery and my advice would be (as hard as this sounds) to just let it go for now. If she's not working out for you, don't put yourself through the trouble. This applies to both of your problems.

Be safe over there, and try not to let her get you down.

Dave

Well damn, post a joke and look who crawls out of the woodwork. Long time no see.

 

[Greymatters]

With some of the questions asked on this site its hard to tell whats a joke and whats serious

 

[Haggis]

It's probably just a loose oil pan plug.  Call the shop and book an appointment right away.  Ask your girlfriend to take the car in for you.  It's only an oil change, after all.  But make sure she asks the garge to give the car a quick once-over in case thers other minor work tha may need doing. 

Then, just before the appointment, take the car out and smoke the shyte out of the tires.  The garage will check them and recommend an immediate replacement set.  Girlfiriend will call you, but you're "inaccesible" but you did tell her to "get the other minor items done" or so you implied.  When she shows up with the bill, thank her profusely, take her to Subway for dinner, then have "appreciation sex".

$20 and you get a new set of slicks... and laid.





You're welcome.

 

[armyvern]

$20 and you get a new set of slicks... and laid.

You're welcome.

Betcha that the statement "You look hot in those pants" gets him just as laid a lot more cheaply!!

Well, maybe not. Being a girl, I'd turn that into a "What the ^%*) are you saying!!?? That I look fat & horrible in all my other pants!!??"

I'd still dare him to give it a try though ...  >

 

[Kat Stevens]

Betcha that the statement "You look hot in those pants" gets him just as laid a lot more cheaply!!

Well, maybe not. Being a girl, I'd turn that into a "What the ^%*) are you saying!!?? That I look fat & horrible in all my other pants!!??"

I'd still dare him to give it a try though ...  >

"No honey, those pants don't make your ass look fat....your fat makes your ass look fat..."    ;D

 

[CountDC]

Betcha that the statement "You look hot in those pants" gets him just as laid a lot more cheaply!!

Well, maybe not. Being a girl, I'd turn that into a "What the ^%*) are you saying!!?? That I look fat & horrible in all my other pants!!??"

hmmm - sounds familiar - your hair looks good today becomes oh what, every other day it looks horrible and you don't let me know? or

wife:  how do I look today (warning:  TRAP!!)

me:  you look very beautiful today, you look like your 19 again (OOPS!!! deadly mistake!!)

wife:  oh realllllllly (dragged out is a hint to run fast, same as a rattlesnakes rattle) so you think I normally look like an ugly old hag!!!! insert whatever choice words you want, they were all used.

now I have learned that this is really why men need money - end result is that to appologize for complimenting/insulting her takes a nice piece of bling bling, laptop, phone or whatever is her choice of day. 

 

[Haggis]

"No honey, those pants don't make your *** look fat....your fat makes your *** look fat..."    ;D

I know a buddy who was asked that question by his wife at a mixed mess dinner.  His reply was exactly as quoted, Kat.

Needless to say, our whole table got pretty quiet for a time.