- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 110
FROM: CANADIAN CONTINGENT UNITED NATIONS EMERGENCY
FORCE MIDDLE EAST( ISMALIA, EGYPT. CFPO 5002, KOK 3R0
TO:FAMILY, RELATIVES, FRIENDS AND AQUAINTANCES OF
Soldiers name here
73 SERVICE BTLN TRANSPORT PL.
SUBJECT:CCUNEFME PERSONNEL END OF TOUR.
THIS IS TO ADVISE OF THE IMPENDING RETURN OFTHE
ABOVE MENTIONED SERVICEMAN FROM PEACEKEEPING DUTIES
IN THE MIDDLE EAST, TO THE LAND OD WALLS, FLOORS
AND ROUND DOORKNOBS:
SOON THE AFOREMENTIONED PEACEKEEPER WILL ONCE AGAIN BE
RETURNED TO YOUR MIDST. TREAT HIM KINDLY AND REMEMBER
HIM AS HE ONCE WAS, FOR THERE ARE STRANGE THINGS DONE
NEATH THE DESERT SUN, AND GRADUALLY YOU WILL BEGIN TO
NOTICE THE SUBTLE CHANGES WHICH HAVE TAKEN PLACE IN
THIS PEACEKEEPERS CHARACTER. TAKE NO ALARM, FOR ALL WHO
HAVE SERVED HERE WILL BE SUBJECT TO THE SAME NERVOUS
TWITCHING, BLINKING OF EYES AND AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGES
TO DIVE FOR COVER AT UNEXPECTED NOISES. APART FROM THESE
GENERAL SYMPTOMS, HOWEVER, THE FOLLOWING POINTS ARE
INTENDED TO ASSIST YOU IN IDENTIFYING THE RETURNING
MIDDLE EAST SERVICEMAN.
1. WHEN THE WIND PICKS UP HE WILL BEGIN DRIVING TENT
PEGS AROUND HIS HOUSE, APARTMENT OR PMQ.
2. TO TURN OUT THE LIGHTS AT NIGHT, HE REACHES UP AND
UNSCREWS THE BULB.
3. WHEN STARTING OUT TO WORK EACH MORNING, HE PUTS A
ROLL OF TOILET PAPER IN HIS POCKET.
4. HE'LL WANT TO SEE THE SAME MOVIE FOUR TIMES.
5. WHEN INVITED TO DINNER, HE'LL TAKE
A TOWEL, A BAR OF SOAP AND A FLY SWATTER, PLATE CUP,
KNIFE, FORK AND SPOON AND A BOTTLE OF HEINZ KETCHUP
AND FRENCHS MUSTARD.
6. IF HE HAS TO GET UP IN THE NIGHT, HE PUTS ON
COMBAT BOOTS, AND SEARCHES FOR A FLASHLIGHT.
7. HE WILL COVER THE FLOOR OF HIS CAR / TRUCK WITH
SANDBAGS, AND VIOLENTLY REFUSE TO PULL OFF THE PAVED
SURFACE, EVEN TO REPAIR A FLAT TIRE.
8. HE'LL DIG A HOLE IN THE YARD, PUT SOME ROCKS IN
THE BOTTOM AND INSTALL A CURTAIN OF COCOA MATTING
AND CYLINDRICAL TUBE.
9.WAKING UP AT NIGHT AND HEARING NOTHING , HE WILL
CURSE ALL GENERATORS AND ENGINES AND GO BACK TO
SLEEP OR GO TO STEP 6.
10. EVERY MORNING HE WILL TAKE THE SHEETS OFF THE BED
AND HANG THEM OUTSIDE.HE WILL TURN HIS BOOTS OVER
AND BANG THEM AGAINST THE WALL BEFORE PUTTING THEM ON.
11. HE WILL QUICKLY HAMMER TO DEATH, WITH ANYTHING
AVAILABLE, ANY CREATURE POSSESING MORE THAN FOUR LEGS.
12.FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS, YOUR WATER BILL WILL BE
ASTRONOMICAL IF YOU HAVE NOT REMOVED THE SHOWER AND
TUB PREVIOUSLY.
13. HE WILL KEEP A STEEL HELMET ON HIS BESIDE TABLE.
14. NEVER MENTION UNTSO, UNPAY, DISEMBARKTION LEAVE
OR CAMPING TRIPS IN HIS PRESENCE, OR YOU WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO UNCONTROLLABLE FITS OF RAGE.
15. NEVER ASK WHY ALL YOUR PREVIOUS NEIGHBORS WHO
DIDN'T GO WHERE HE DID HAVE ALL SINCE BEEN SENT TO
POSTINGS HE HAS BEEN REQUESTING FOR THE PAST SIX
YEARS.
16. HE MIGHT BRUSH HIS TEETH AND GARGLE WITH CANADIAN
CLUB EXPLAINING THAT THE WATER IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED.
17. HE WILL DISOLVE INTO A SOBBING MASS IF YOU ASK HOW
MUCH MONEY HE WAS ABLE TO SAVE BY SERVING WITH THE
UNITED NATIONS.
18. WHILE DRIVING, HE WILL BE INCLINED TO BLOW HIS
HORN, CURSE AND MAKE OBSCENE GESTURES AT OTHER DRIVERS.
19. WHILE APPROACHING INTERSECTIONS HE WILL LOOK FOR
LARGER VEHICLES AND SLOW DOWN IF THERE ARE.
20. HE'LL SPLASH AFTER-SHAVE LOTION LIBERALLY ON HIS
ANKLES AND VARIOUS OTHER PARTS OF HIS BODY, INNOCENTLY
EXPLAINING THAT IT WILL STOP THE ITCHING.
21. WHEN DRINKING LIQUIDS, BE IT BEER OR OTHERWISE, HE
WILL IMMEDIATELY PLACE A CIGARETTE PACKAGE OR OTHER
SUCH COVER ON THE TOP OF THE CONTAINER AFTER TAKING A
SIP.
22. UPON HEARING AN AIRCRAFT PASS LOW OVERHEAD, HE WILL
RUSH OUTDOORS AND SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT TO KEEP GOING.
AFTER HE WILL CURSE THE PILOT WHO WAS FLYING IT.
23. HE WILL TAKE A LARGE ORANGE PILL EVERY SUNDAY.
24. ON HEARING TWO OR MORE DOGS AT NIGHT WILL RUN FOR
HIS SHOTGUN.
25. AT THE SIGHT OF A WOMEN, HIS EYEBALLS WILL POP
OUT AND HIS NECK WILL TURN 180 DEGREES.
26.WHEN THE MAILMAN COMES TO HIS PLACE, HE'LL RUSH OUT
AND GRAB THE LETTERS.
27. UPON LEAVING THE WASHROOM, HE'LL FLUSH THE TOILET
WITH A PAIL OF WATER.
28. GOING FOR A LONG CAR RIDE, HE'LL MAKE SURE HE HAS A
LOT OF WATER WITH HIM.
29. HE'LL BE A REAL EXPERT BUG EXTERMINATOR.
30. WHEN GOING TO THE STORE, HE'LL ARGUE LOUDLY WITH
THE SELLER TO BRING DOWN THE PRICES.
31. WHEN HE GOES TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, TRY TO CHANGE HIS
MIND ABOUT PUTTING UP THE MOSQUITO NET.
32. HE WILL WANT TO TAKE A CASE OF BEER, A CANS OF
PISTACHIO NUTS AND A CHAIR WITH HIM WHEN HE GOES TO
SEE A MOVIE.
33. AS IT GETS DARK HE WILL LOOK FOR EAR PLUGS OR TURN
UP THE RADIO VERY LOUD.
34. IF WHILE WALKING GETS SPLASHED BY A VEHICLE WILL
WANT TO SHOWER IMMEDIATLEY AND SEE THE DOCTOR.
........BUT WELCOME HIM BACK WITH PATIENCE AND
UNDERSTANDING. PERHAPS, IN A FEW MONTHS TIME, WITH
PROPER REST AND CARE, HE MAY RETURN TO THE REASONABLE
NORMAL STATE YOU MAY REMEMBER HIM FROM SO LONG AGO.
........ON THE OTHER HAND..................
CC WIFE, GIRLFRIEND, PARENTS, BROTHERS, SISTER,
COMMANDING OFFICER, MAYOR, CHIEF OF POLICE, LOCAL
RCMP DETATCHMENT, AA, AND THE SPCA.
FORCE MIDDLE EAST( ISMALIA, EGYPT. CFPO 5002, KOK 3R0
TO:FAMILY, RELATIVES, FRIENDS AND AQUAINTANCES OF
Soldiers name here
73 SERVICE BTLN TRANSPORT PL.
SUBJECT:CCUNEFME PERSONNEL END OF TOUR.
THIS IS TO ADVISE OF THE IMPENDING RETURN OFTHE
ABOVE MENTIONED SERVICEMAN FROM PEACEKEEPING DUTIES
IN THE MIDDLE EAST, TO THE LAND OD WALLS, FLOORS
AND ROUND DOORKNOBS:
SOON THE AFOREMENTIONED PEACEKEEPER WILL ONCE AGAIN BE
RETURNED TO YOUR MIDST. TREAT HIM KINDLY AND REMEMBER
HIM AS HE ONCE WAS, FOR THERE ARE STRANGE THINGS DONE
NEATH THE DESERT SUN, AND GRADUALLY YOU WILL BEGIN TO
NOTICE THE SUBTLE CHANGES WHICH HAVE TAKEN PLACE IN
THIS PEACEKEEPERS CHARACTER. TAKE NO ALARM, FOR ALL WHO
HAVE SERVED HERE WILL BE SUBJECT TO THE SAME NERVOUS
TWITCHING, BLINKING OF EYES AND AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGES
TO DIVE FOR COVER AT UNEXPECTED NOISES. APART FROM THESE
GENERAL SYMPTOMS, HOWEVER, THE FOLLOWING POINTS ARE
INTENDED TO ASSIST YOU IN IDENTIFYING THE RETURNING
MIDDLE EAST SERVICEMAN.
1. WHEN THE WIND PICKS UP HE WILL BEGIN DRIVING TENT
PEGS AROUND HIS HOUSE, APARTMENT OR PMQ.
2. TO TURN OUT THE LIGHTS AT NIGHT, HE REACHES UP AND
UNSCREWS THE BULB.
3. WHEN STARTING OUT TO WORK EACH MORNING, HE PUTS A
ROLL OF TOILET PAPER IN HIS POCKET.
4. HE'LL WANT TO SEE THE SAME MOVIE FOUR TIMES.
5. WHEN INVITED TO DINNER, HE'LL TAKE
A TOWEL, A BAR OF SOAP AND A FLY SWATTER, PLATE CUP,
KNIFE, FORK AND SPOON AND A BOTTLE OF HEINZ KETCHUP
AND FRENCHS MUSTARD.
6. IF HE HAS TO GET UP IN THE NIGHT, HE PUTS ON
COMBAT BOOTS, AND SEARCHES FOR A FLASHLIGHT.
7. HE WILL COVER THE FLOOR OF HIS CAR / TRUCK WITH
SANDBAGS, AND VIOLENTLY REFUSE TO PULL OFF THE PAVED
SURFACE, EVEN TO REPAIR A FLAT TIRE.
8. HE'LL DIG A HOLE IN THE YARD, PUT SOME ROCKS IN
THE BOTTOM AND INSTALL A CURTAIN OF COCOA MATTING
AND CYLINDRICAL TUBE.
9.WAKING UP AT NIGHT AND HEARING NOTHING , HE WILL
CURSE ALL GENERATORS AND ENGINES AND GO BACK TO
SLEEP OR GO TO STEP 6.
10. EVERY MORNING HE WILL TAKE THE SHEETS OFF THE BED
AND HANG THEM OUTSIDE.HE WILL TURN HIS BOOTS OVER
AND BANG THEM AGAINST THE WALL BEFORE PUTTING THEM ON.
11. HE WILL QUICKLY HAMMER TO DEATH, WITH ANYTHING
AVAILABLE, ANY CREATURE POSSESING MORE THAN FOUR LEGS.
12.FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS, YOUR WATER BILL WILL BE
ASTRONOMICAL IF YOU HAVE NOT REMOVED THE SHOWER AND
TUB PREVIOUSLY.
13. HE WILL KEEP A STEEL HELMET ON HIS BESIDE TABLE.
14. NEVER MENTION UNTSO, UNPAY, DISEMBARKTION LEAVE
OR CAMPING TRIPS IN HIS PRESENCE, OR YOU WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO UNCONTROLLABLE FITS OF RAGE.
15. NEVER ASK WHY ALL YOUR PREVIOUS NEIGHBORS WHO
DIDN'T GO WHERE HE DID HAVE ALL SINCE BEEN SENT TO
POSTINGS HE HAS BEEN REQUESTING FOR THE PAST SIX
YEARS.
16. HE MIGHT BRUSH HIS TEETH AND GARGLE WITH CANADIAN
CLUB EXPLAINING THAT THE WATER IS NOT TO BE TRUSTED.
17. HE WILL DISOLVE INTO A SOBBING MASS IF YOU ASK HOW
MUCH MONEY HE WAS ABLE TO SAVE BY SERVING WITH THE
UNITED NATIONS.
18. WHILE DRIVING, HE WILL BE INCLINED TO BLOW HIS
HORN, CURSE AND MAKE OBSCENE GESTURES AT OTHER DRIVERS.
19. WHILE APPROACHING INTERSECTIONS HE WILL LOOK FOR
LARGER VEHICLES AND SLOW DOWN IF THERE ARE.
20. HE'LL SPLASH AFTER-SHAVE LOTION LIBERALLY ON HIS
ANKLES AND VARIOUS OTHER PARTS OF HIS BODY, INNOCENTLY
EXPLAINING THAT IT WILL STOP THE ITCHING.
21. WHEN DRINKING LIQUIDS, BE IT BEER OR OTHERWISE, HE
WILL IMMEDIATELY PLACE A CIGARETTE PACKAGE OR OTHER
SUCH COVER ON THE TOP OF THE CONTAINER AFTER TAKING A
SIP.
22. UPON HEARING AN AIRCRAFT PASS LOW OVERHEAD, HE WILL
RUSH OUTDOORS AND SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT TO KEEP GOING.
AFTER HE WILL CURSE THE PILOT WHO WAS FLYING IT.
23. HE WILL TAKE A LARGE ORANGE PILL EVERY SUNDAY.
24. ON HEARING TWO OR MORE DOGS AT NIGHT WILL RUN FOR
HIS SHOTGUN.
25. AT THE SIGHT OF A WOMEN, HIS EYEBALLS WILL POP
OUT AND HIS NECK WILL TURN 180 DEGREES.
26.WHEN THE MAILMAN COMES TO HIS PLACE, HE'LL RUSH OUT
AND GRAB THE LETTERS.
27. UPON LEAVING THE WASHROOM, HE'LL FLUSH THE TOILET
WITH A PAIL OF WATER.
28. GOING FOR A LONG CAR RIDE, HE'LL MAKE SURE HE HAS A
LOT OF WATER WITH HIM.
29. HE'LL BE A REAL EXPERT BUG EXTERMINATOR.
30. WHEN GOING TO THE STORE, HE'LL ARGUE LOUDLY WITH
THE SELLER TO BRING DOWN THE PRICES.
31. WHEN HE GOES TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, TRY TO CHANGE HIS
MIND ABOUT PUTTING UP THE MOSQUITO NET.
32. HE WILL WANT TO TAKE A CASE OF BEER, A CANS OF
PISTACHIO NUTS AND A CHAIR WITH HIM WHEN HE GOES TO
SEE A MOVIE.
33. AS IT GETS DARK HE WILL LOOK FOR EAR PLUGS OR TURN
UP THE RADIO VERY LOUD.
34. IF WHILE WALKING GETS SPLASHED BY A VEHICLE WILL
WANT TO SHOWER IMMEDIATLEY AND SEE THE DOCTOR.
........BUT WELCOME HIM BACK WITH PATIENCE AND
UNDERSTANDING. PERHAPS, IN A FEW MONTHS TIME, WITH
PROPER REST AND CARE, HE MAY RETURN TO THE REASONABLE
NORMAL STATE YOU MAY REMEMBER HIM FROM SO LONG AGO.
........ON THE OTHER HAND..................
CC WIFE, GIRLFRIEND, PARENTS, BROTHERS, SISTER,
COMMANDING OFFICER, MAYOR, CHIEF OF POLICE, LOCAL
RCMP DETATCHMENT, AA, AND THE SPCA.
