British Military Humour

[daftandbarmy]

The British are famous for their sense of humour (they need soemthign to atone for their cooking) and I get alot of jokes fired my way that might be worth recording for posterity. Well, the clean ones at any rate:

The difference between a PARA and a Royal Marine

A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the toilets at Heathrow Airport when in walked a Royal Marine Sgt, dressed in his dress blues.

The little boy turned to the Marine and said; “Wow, are you a Marine?” The Marine replied, “Why yes I am young man – would you like to wear my hat?”
“Boy, would I” said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.

As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But this was not just a man, he was more than a man, he was a Paratrooper.

The little boy turned and went over to the Paratrooper. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eye’s widened and he stared up at the soldier’s chest full of medals and at the wings on his shoulder. He tried to speak, but he couldn’t. Finally, he took a deep breath and managed to say, “Excuse me Sir. Are you a Paratrooper?”

The Para replied in a thunderous voice, “Why yes I am, would you like to shine my boots?”

The little boy smiled and said, “Oh no Sir!! I’m not a Marine; I’m just wearing his hat!” 

 

[starseed]

All I can say is, in the falklands campaign when there was a battle at hand that did matter (port stanley) and one that didn't (goose green), the paras got sent to goose green =D

...and proceeded to win 2 VCs. So I guess the point is moot

 

[daftandbarmy]

A Parachute Regiment sergeant-major really drilled his squad, told them they were the 'toughest fighting unit in the British Army.' He made them shout it out.

One frosty morning he made strip off and line up on the parade ground, stark bollock naked. He walked up the lines inspecting them and jabbed one guy in the belly with his stick. He doubled up and the S/M asked him, 'Did that hurt son?'
'No sir' was the reply.
'Why not?'
'Toughest fighting unit in the British Army Sir!'
'Good lad. carry on.'
He saw one guy shivering, made him hold out his hand and THWACK, hit it with his cane. 'That hurt son?'
'No sir!'
'Why not?'
'Toughest fighting unit British army sir!'
'Good boy, carry on'

Then he looked down the line and saw a huge c**k sticking out, walked up and really brought the cane down hard.
'Did that hurt son?' he said to the squaddie.
'No sir'
'Why not?'
'Belongs to the bloke behind me sir!'