D-Day as Reported by Modern Media

[muskrat89]

From http://mullings.com/10-12-01.htm

From 2001, but still funny


Mullings
An American Cyber-Column
Modern D-Day Coverage
Rich Galen
Friday, October 12, 2001
[This is what I think news coverage of the period leading up to D-Day might have been like if cable-all-news stations had existed in 1944.]
"¢ Good Morning.  It is June 4, 1944.  Welcome to The Mullings Cable Network's continuing coverage of: "Operation Overlord: What's Taking So Long?â ?  I'm Rich Galen.
Let's go first to MCN's White House reporter, Greg Smith for the latest.
"¢ SMITH:  Thank you, Rich.  Hill Leaders have told MCN news that an invasion of Europe is, in their words, "very, very imminent.â ?  These sources, who have been privy to briefings by the Roosevelt War Cabinet, tell us that "the number of troops, the number of ships, and the sheer size of war materiel shipmentsâ ? clearly point to an invasion, possibly within the next 24 hours.  Rich?
"¢ GALEN:  Thank you, Greg.  Now to the War Department and our reporter there Jim Smith.  Jim?  What are your sources there saying about a possible attack point?
"¢ SMITH:  Well, Rich.  Advisors to General Marshall are hinting at a strike at Pas de Calais, perhaps as early as tomorrow.  However we believe this might well be disinformation and the real point of attack will be at Normandy.  We have learned that Ranger and Airborne elements have been, in effect, rehearsing for the kind of terrain they are likely to encounter on the Normandy beaches and that Airborne units might be dropped in as early as tonight.
"¢ GALEN:  So, Winston Churchill's famous phrase:  "We shall fight on the beaches ...â ? now must be considered as a clearly coded message to the French Resistance. 
For more on invasion plans, let's switch to London and our MCN reporter Eric Smith.  Eric what are you hearing about where these troops may be going and when they might be going there?
"¢ SMITH:  Rich, as you can see, the weather here is not good.  Military meteorologists have advised SHAEF Command to stand down for at least the next 24 hours.  If we can zoom in on this map behind me, you can clearly see that the combination of time and tides is most favorable for only the next 48 hours for a landing in France. 
Senior advisors to General Eisenhower are aware of, and very concerned with, the reports of growing impatience among many Americans with the amount of time it has taken to mount this invasion. 
"¢ GALEN:  Indeed, many here are asking why it has taken two-and-a-half years from the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor in December 1941 to June 1944 to reach this point.  Eric, if they can't go within that window, what are Eisenhower's options?
"¢ SMITH:  No good ones, Rich.  Intelligence officers here in Britain are worried that if this operation has to be delayed for as long as two weeks, word will almost certainly leak to the German high command allowing them to move their defensive forces from their current location at Pas de Calais to behind the Atlantic Wall above Normandy.
"¢ GALEN:  That would be unfortunate.  Let's turn now to our MCN military analyst retired General Theodore "Teddyâ ? Smith, the famous "Senior Señor of Santiago Bay.â ?  General, you helped design the invasion of Cuba in 1898 - just 43 years ago - during the Spanish-American war, what do you make of this?
"¢ SMITH: Well, Rich, I'll use this map to illustrate.  Assuming our troops will try to cross these beaches here ... and ... here.  And assault these cliffs ... here, then they will have to be supported by a naval bombardment from ... here.
So, we expect the Hun is flying air reconnaissance and will bring to bear their air assets to disrupt any pre-invasion shelling as soon as Allied ships are detected in this area ... here.
"¢ GALEN:  What about tanks, General - the Panzer Divisions of General Rommel?
"¢ SMITH:  Rommel is almost certainly moving his Panzer Divisions behind the Atlantic Wall ... here ... for use in a counter-attack if and when the Allied forces breach those lines.
"¢ GALEN:  Now, to Christianne Smith on a satellite phone in the French countryside. Christianne, what can you tell us?
"¢ SMITH:  Rich, there is a growing sense of apprehension here about 40 miles away from what we assume will be the point of attack on the beaches of Normandy either tomorrow or the next day.  Mayor Jacque Capituler is with me.  Mayor, tell our viewers how you feel about the coming invasion.
"¢ Capituler: "We don't want to be liberated  We don't need to be liberated. The Germans have established a perfectly workable government, here.  The Americans should go liberate someone else, somewhere else.â ?
"¢ GALEN:  The thorny issue of civilian casualties and collateral damage brought onto our living room screens from right there in France, Thank you Christianne.
To ... where?  Ok, to Edward Smith with the forces of General George Patton in Britain.  Edward.
"¢ SMITH:  Rich, I am here in Kent, England opposite the Pas de Calais just across the English Channel which, if the weather were better, you could see behind me.  MCN can now confirm that the activity here in Kent, which has been named "Operation Fortitudeâ ? is, for want of a better phrase:  A complete fake.
"¢ GALEN:  Fake?  Explain, please, for our viewers.
"¢ SMITH:  MCN can now report that Patton has constructed, literally, a phony army here.  The tanks are cardboard.  The planes are rubber. The radio traffic is faked.  Reports of troop movements are completely fabricated.  This operation, clearly, is designed to fool the Germans in Europe and Americans back home into falsely believing that the attack - which we now think will come tomorrow if the weather lets up - will be aimed at Pas de Calais instead of Normandy.
"¢ GALEN:  Excellent reporting, Edward.  Joining me, now, in the studio is MCN's Senior Ethics Advisor Emma Smith.  Emma?  What does it mean to the American way of life when their very own government engages in this kind of deliberately false and misleading information?
"¢ SMITH:  The academic community has been warning for years that the American government would too easily sacrifice the truth on the altar of some alleged short-term military so-called advantage.  "If the people can't trust the word of their government,â ? many of us are asking, "then what we are fighting for in the first place?â ?
"¢ GALEN:  Thank you, Emma Smith.  And good luck with your exciting new book: "The Soviet Experience; Success, Solidarity, and Stalin.â ?
We have received a few e-mails from viewers expressing discomfort with General Theodore Smith's use of a word to describe our German adversaries which, in some minds, is derogatory.  MCN apologizes for the use of the "Hâ ? word on our air. 
So, there you have it.  The Allied Expeditionary Forces will, in fact, invade Europe not at Pas de Calais as the American public had been lead to believe, but at Normandy.  And, that attack will take place either tomorrow or the next day, depending upon the weather. 
This is Rich Galen, MCN News. 
Now back to Imus.
-- END --

 

[muskrat89]

Here's another one I found, listed on every site as "Origin Unknown"


HOW D-DAY INVASION WOULD BE REPORTED TODAY BY THE LIBERAL PRESS:

June 6, 1944. -

NORMANDY- Three hundred French civilians were killed and thousands more wounded today in the first hours of America's invasion of continental Europe. Casualties were heaviest among women and children.

Most of the French casualties were the result of artillery fire from American ships attempting to knock out German fortifications prior to the landing of hundreds of thousands of U.S. troops. Reports from a makeshift hospital in the French town of St. Mere Eglise said the carnage was far worse than the French had anticipated and reaction against the American invasion was running high. "We are dying for no reason," said a Frenchman speaking on condition of anonymity. "Americans can't even shoot straight. I never thought I'd say this, but life was better under Adolph Hitler."

The invasion also caused severe environmental damage. American troops, tanks, trucks and machinery destroyed miles of pristine shoreline and thousands of acres of ecologically sensitive wetlands. It was believed that the habitat of the spineless French crab was completely wiped out, threatening the species with extinction. A representative of Greenpeace said his organization, which had tried to stall the invasion for over a year, was appalled at the destruction, but not surprised. "This is just another example of how the military destroys the environment without a second thought, " said Christine Moanmore. "And it's all about corporate greed. "

Contacted at his Manhattan condo, a member of the French government-in-exile who abandoned Paris when Hitler invaded said the invasion was based solely on American financial interests. "Everyone knows the President Roosevelt has ties to big beer," said Pierre LeWimp. "Once the German beer industry is conquered, Roosevelt's beer cronies will control the world market and make a fortune. "

Administration supporters said America's aggressive actions were based in part on the assertions of controversial scientist Albert Einstein, who sent a letter to Roosevelt speculating that the Germans were developing a secret weapon, a so-called "atomic bomb." Such a weapon could produce casualties on a scale never seen before and cause environmental damage that could last for thousands of years. Hitler has denied having such a weapon and international inspectors were unable to locate such weapons even after spending two long weekends in Germany.

Shortly after the invasion began reports surfaced that German prisoners had been abused by Americans. Mistreatment of Jews by Germans at so-called "concentration camps" has been rumored but so far, remains unproven. Several thousand Americans died during the first hours of the invasion and French officials are concerned that uncollected corpses pose a public health risk. "The Americans should have planned for this in advance," they said. "It's their mess and we don't intend to clean it up."