Girlfriends

[Centurian1985]

Its YOUR life - not your girlfriend's.

Its YOUR decision - not your girlfirend's.

Its YOUR misery if you listen to HER for the rest of your life...

If she wants to change you and direct your life now, and you are not even married yet, that is one heck of a bad sign!

 

[WannaBeFlyer]

I feel old saying this but when I was your age (22'ish) I made a career decision around my girlfriend of 5 years and missed out on a great opportunity. Let's just say I haven't spoken to her in years and the "safe" route I chose then is driving me nuts today.

If she moves on, it wasn't meant to be and there will be others. Your not going to have much of a relationship if your desire to join starts eating away at you and you become a miserable lil' ...you know...

Good luck.

 

[Fyuri]

I feel old saying this but when I was your age (22'ish) I made a career decision around my girlfriend of 5 years and missed out on a great opportunity. Let's just say I haven't spoken to her in years and the "safe" route I chose then is driving me nuts today.

If she moves on, it wasn't meant to be and there will be others. Your not going to have much of a relationship if your desire to join starts eating away at you and you become a miserable lil' ...you know...

Good luck.

No offense, but you just described exactly what I don't want to let happen to me. My desire has been getting greater and greater, so I know this is not just one of my phases that I go through. It's the real thing. It's been great reading everybody's responses, and the overwhelming unanimous perspective that you have to do things for yourself first.

 

[WannaBeFlyer]

No offense, but you just described exactly what I don't want to let happen to me. My desire has been getting greater and greater, so I know this is not just one of my phases that I go through. It's the real thing. It's been great reading everybody's responses, and the overwhelming unanimous perspective that you have to do things for yourself first.

None taken. I guess that is what I am trying to say, do what you want to do.

again- good luck.

 

[mechanic_chick]

Hey guys this is a really great topic , I can certainly relate to. Obviously though , mine is with my Bf.  I am only 19 years old.. and debating if being together when I am gone ( leaving in 4 days ) for the Navy is a wise decision. Especially if you feel you dotn trust the person.

Our relationship seemed to be good , and I dislike allowing my personal relationship on a website.. but It seems you guys understand this kind of thing. He did something to betray our trust , it wasn't super bad... but it was bad enough to make my mind wander on the idea of .. ' should we be together now that I am leaving '. I only have 4 days here and I don't have the time to fix it. He claims he really does care for me , and I dont want to potray him wrong here.. he is a good man ; he gets along with my parents , friends.. and always strives to make me happy 110% of the time. This just had to happen right before I have to go. So now I am left with a decision. Should I put time and effort into someone I feel I can't 100% trust.. but know there is possible chance for us to have a really great future? That , and I am Navy and signed to a 4 year contract. There is no way with my trade until the time I OT , that we can be together. He is in the Army.. and his specific trade could never be posted to where I am.

Am I being a moron?! Or am I just a nomal human being giving love a chance. It sounds corny , but when you are emotionally ripped open inside.. it's NOT good to go into something liek Basic .. having that happen to you.

Any feedback would be great guys.


Cheers ,

JESSO

 

[GAP]

Sounds like it's going to sort itself out by itself..

 

[mechanic_chick]

Well thats what I am trying to figure out , lol. Should I let it sort itself out ( because  I dont have time to help the relationship out ) or just put my foot down now. Or even just to hear some others opinions if they have been in the same position. And also , what is some things I can to when I have the time , to help him out with my absence.

Thanks alot.

Cheers ,

JESSO

 

[TMM]

If you don't have 100% trust in the person, to my mind, no sense in keeping it going.

When you're 19 the possibility of a future(relationship wise) isn't worth giving up a career for. Go get your training, see where you get posted, and if the two of you are still willing to give it a go, take the chance.

Right now you need to spend your time fixing rifles, tanks et al not relationships.

Don't give up all hope though - I know a few couple who dated in high school, split up and got together 10-15 years later.

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Well thats what I am trying to figure out , lol. Should I let it sort itself out ( because  I dont have time to help the relationship out ) or just put my foot down now. Or even just to hear some others opinions if they have been in the same position.

Depends what the lack of trust is all about.  If he is cheating on you, you should probably think about packing it in.  What would constitute not being a "super bad" betrayal? (Man, I wish I had a list of freebies from the 9'er   )  Cheating on partners is like beating people.  The first one is always the hardest, but it always gets easier [insert facetious icon here].  
How long have you been together?  How about you break up with him now, and when you get back if you are both still single and want to get back together, then go for it?

 

[mechanic_chick]

Hmm , hard to explain it all really.  No , he did not cheat on me in the least. Just did something I felt uncomfortable with. Mind you , most people probably would be ' mad ' but not debating leaving the person. You can betray someones trust other then the classic cheating. In this case , it makes me paranoid because I am leaving and regardless of how small the situation , when you betray someones trust before they head out into the wild they are probably going to feel the affect of it 10X worse. As stated , my mind wants to totally be focused on course 110%. He really is a great man , and I would marry him in a heart beat... but unfortunetly being in the Navy I won't be anywhere near him to help our relationship move closer and forward. I know I want to be with him but it is difficult learning how to be without someone. I dont think there are any ways to make it easier on both parties. Have any of you , which im sure you have , been in this situation? And how did you make the other feel closer to you when you were gone with such little time? Also , just the cherry on top , it's a great chance he may be sent to Afghanistan while I am on Basic. Fate apparently doesnt only want to send me off in such fashion , but kick me when not only I am , but WE are.. down! 

This feels like a bad episode of calling into a Radio Station .. Err , something along those lines. Ha ha. But , I am very lost in how to deal with this. Getting into a new career with a Boyfriend. We have been together for almost 6 months , doesn't sound long but we have become very close. So , options? Lump it or leave it. If I lump it - My question being ' How does one help and grow the relationship when they are gone... for .. 4  years or more '.

Appreciate all the responses as well ,

Cheers ,

JESSO

 

[1feral1]

Its YOUR life - not your girlfriend's.

Its YOUR decision - not your girlfirend's.

Its YOUR misery if you listen to HER for the rest of your life...

Well put mate!

Too bad I did not take this advise back on 18 Oct 91  ;D


Wes

 

[TMM]

My question being ' How does one help and grow the relationship when they are gone... for .. 4  years or more '.

Grow yourself first.

Queue the old lady speech...Relationships grow closer as we grow within ourselves and become more confident in ourselves and our own abilities. You can't do that if you're second guessing your lover.

 

[mechanic_chick]

Hmm. Well put.

 

[211RadOp]

I don't know if this will help...

Try it and see what happens. Sometimes long distance relationships do work. My wife and I lived apart for a year (not by choice, but due to military reasons) and we are still together. Many years prior to that, I was engaged to a military girl. Due to her trade and QL level, she could not be posted to Europe as I had been. That one didn't work.

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. It depends on the individuals that are involved.

 

[armywife/cadetmom]

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION! Anyone under 25, who is just dating, and has only been dateing less then a year, should NEVER base life choices on what the BoyFriend or Girl Friend want.  Dont let  someone who has only been with you a few monthes decide what you do.  Dont give up on dreams because you THINK you love someone.  Also, dont give up on your dreams if you KNOW you love someone.  My husband is free to live his life and when it comes to the forces, i support everything he does and wants to do.  He is only happy in Uniform and i could NEVER take that away from him. 
THere is sooooo much to do and see and experience in life, and giving any of it up just because so-and-so doesnt like it....thats no way to live.  (this may sound trist, but i wont give up tuna on white JUST BECAUSE my husband hates everything about Tuna!) 
To the origionator of the thread, do what you want, there is another hottie waiting on the other side for you.

JESSO, you sound very smart and determined, try not to think of the 'maybes', do what you want in life, and if your guy isnt on the otherside.....Fighting Irish (or who ever started this thread) may be single soon.  You have to take every day as one day, forget the rest.  Each day you make thru basic is one gone, and each day you make thru without your mate is one gone.  Its the only way to really get thru this. 

CHEERS and best wishes to all of ya!

 

[Thatch]

THere is sooooo much to do and see and experience in life, and giving any of it up just because so-and-so doesnt like it....thats no way to live.

That is most definetly true.. We base our lives on experiences... And there WILL be someone else down the road..
However hard it is to picture now.. You can always find someone else. And you will eventually find a partner who is not against the millitary, if thats what you wish.

 

[Strategic]

I had a similar situation as you guys. I have been with my spouse for two years and after the first year of being with her I told her I wanted to follow my dream of having a career in the military. (I leave for basic Sept 4Th) At first she did not like the idea and I felt eventually our relationship would fall apart due to my decision. What I decided to due is to slowly work her over to accept a military lifestyle. It is a lot different if you are in the military and meet some one then being in a relationship and wanting to join. If that is the case you are asking a lot from the other person. Not only you are making that commitment but your spouse is too.

What you have to do is find out exactly what aspect s/he does not like or has problems with.
-worried of you dieing
-doesn't want to raise family on own
-won't like petawawa
-etc

Once you know you can address these areas to make them more comfortable with your decision. The best thing I did was have her talk to the wife of a person who was in a military career for over 20 years. She is now supportive of me and it looks like things will work out for us. When it comes to love only you can justify your decision not the 7 pages of posts. But consider the advise to help. I would not just break up with her but talk to her to see exactly whats up. And I would not not join the army because that's what she wants take the time to play it out.

 

[armywife/cadetmom]

??? I am i the only wife that WANTS to go to Petawawa???

 

[Strategic]

How do you like it from a spouse's viewpoint?

 

[therev]

this is a great thread. perhaps Mr. Bobbit should open a second site " Army.ca - Dating, and advice to Military lovelorn."  Good wisdom from all who have responded, next time i have a hard case that comes to my office for advice I will just make a post for you to give advice to.  ;D