Humour in Official Message Traffic

[Lumber]

I love that in the Navy, we get away with transmitting such elegant repartee. Enjoy.

Part 1: From HMCS REGINA (REG) to AIG 1704 and 1705
SUBJ: HMCS REGINA WARDROOM BISON UNVEILING - 20 JANUARY 2017

1. FOR AS LONG AS THERE HAS BEEN MILITARY FORCES MASCOTS HAVE BEEN
USED TO INCREASE MORALE AND ENCOURAGE THE WARRIOR SPIRIT. REG
CARRIES THE NAME OF A PROUD PRAIRIE CITY AND WEARS THE SYMBOL OF A
RCMP TROOPER WITH PRIDE. SADLY THE RCMP WAS UNABLE TO PROVIDE AN
ACTUAL TROOPER FOR PERMANENT DISPLAY SO REG HAS BEEN SEARCHING FOR A
SYMBOL OF STRENGTH, FEROCITY AND FEARLESSNESS TO SYMBOLIZE THE
FIGHTING SPIRIT OF THE SHIP
2. AS REG S HISTORICAL OFFICER SELFLESSLY TOILED TO FIND A SUITABLE
ANIMAL, THE MAJESTIC BISON BECAME A MORE AND MORE APPROPRIATE
CHOICE. REG HAS LONG ENJOYED A CONNECTION WITH THE RCMP, WHICH HAS
LONG HELD THE BISON AS ITS MASCOT AND IT FORMS THE CENTRAL DEVICE OF
THE FORCE S BADGE
3. REGINA, ONCE THE CAPITAL OF THE ENTIRE NORTHWEST TERRITORIES AND
THE DISTRICT HEADQUARTERS OF ASSINIBOIA AND NOW PROVINCIAL CAPITAL,
WAS FIRST NAMED OSKANA KA-ASASTEKI (ROUGHLY TRANSLATED TO PILE OF
BONES) BY THE CREE IN REFERENCE TO THE LARGE NUMBER OF BISON BONES
PILED IN THE CITY. ITS COAT OF ARMS FEATURES A BISON AS ITS PRIMARY
SYMBOL AND THE ANIMALS CONTINUE TO BE RAISED IN THE AREA TODAY
4. FOR THESE REASONS REG HAS DECIDED TO TAKE BACK THE BISON. THE
UNIFYING POWER OF THIS GREAT CANADIAN ANIMAL IS SO STRONG THAT THE
REG WDRM HAS PURCHASED A FULL SIZED BISON HEAD TO MOUNT IN THE MESS.
WHILE SOME MAY CRITICIZE THE CHOICE OF REG S MASCOT (WIN) SIMPLY DUE
TO THE FACT THAT OUR SHIP S CREST DOES NOT FEATURE THE ANIMAL THE
SHIP S COMPANY OF REG COUNTERS THAT A BEAST AS FIERCE AND MIGHTY AS
THE GREAT CANADIAN BISON CAN CERTAINLY SUPPORT MORE THAN ONE SHIP.
TIME WILL TELL WHO IS TRULY WORTHY OF THE BISON
5. IN ORDER TO OFFICIALLY ADOPT THE BEAST AS REG S NEW MASCOT A
NAMING CEREMONY WILL TAKE PLACE AT 1230 ON 20 JAN 17. ALL FORMER XOS
HODS AND DIE-HARD WDRM MEMBERS ARE INVITED TO WITNESS THIS HISTORIC
EVENT AND ENJOY SOME LIGHT REFRESHMENT IN HONOUR OF THE NEW MASCOT
6. RSVP TO XXXXXXXX
7. HASHTAG TAKEBACKTHEBISON
8. FLOREAT REGINA

 

[Lumber]

Part 2: HMCS WINNIPEG (WIN) to HMCS REGINA (REG) and AIGs 1704 and 1705
SUBJ: WELCOME TOT HE WORLD OF THE BISON
1. WIN ENTHUSIASTICALLY WELCOMES REG TO THE REALM OF THE MIGHTY
BISON. FOLLOWING IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF THOSE BRAVE SOULS WHO SETTLED
IN THE RED RIVER VALLEY PRIOR TO AMBLING FURTHER WEST TO
SASKATCHEWAN, IT IS NO SMALL WONDER YOU HAVE BEEN AWESTRUCK BY THE
SHEER STRENGTH OF OUR MASCOT AND HAVE FALLEN UNDER THE SPELL OF IT S
MAJESTY
2. YOUR ADOPTION OF OUR MASCOT COMES WITH CERTAIN OBLIGATIONS:
A. THE MIGHTY BISON IS A HERD ANIMAL, A TRAIT THAT REFLECTS WELL ON
THE FLEET AS WE WORK TOGETHER IN THE DEFENCE OF CANADA. HAVING SAID
THAT, EVERY HERD NEEDS A LEADER AND THE HORNS ON WIN S MASCOT ARE
LARGE AND PROUD, HAVING BEEN SEASONED IN OVER 21 YEARS OF USE IN
DEFENDING OUR INTERESTS AT HOME AND ABROAD. REG S MASCOT, BEING A
JUVENILE BISON, MUST FORMALLY ACCEPT THE SUBORDINATE POSITION THAT
YOUNGER AND LESS SEASONED HORNS DEMAND. WORRY NOT YOUNG BISON, IN
TIME, YOU WILL VIEW THE PLAINS WITH THE SAME EXPERIENCE AND WISDOM
B. AS IS OUR RIGHT, WIN DEMANDS AN ANNUAL RECEPTION TO BE HELD (AND
FUNDED) BY REG TO CELEBRATE THE SUCCESS OF THE HERD AND TO
DEMONSTRATE REG S ONGOING AFFECTION, ADMIRATION, AND RESPECT FOR HER
ELDER
C. FINALLY, IN RESPECT OF THE WARRIOR TRADITION OF THE MIGHTY BISON,
WIN SUGGESTS THAT AN ANNUAL FEATS OF STRENGTH SPORTING TOURNAMENT
SHALL NOW BE NECESSARY IN ORDER TO CONTINUE TO HONE OUR FIGHTING
SPIRIT. THIS TOURNAMENT SHALL INITIALLY BE ORGANIZED BY THE YOUNGER
BISON, WITH FOLLOW ON ENGAGEMENTS ORGANIZED BY THE LOSING BISON
3. ON THE UP SIDE, NOW THAT WE HAVE A HERD, WIN AND REG SHOULD
EXPECT APPROPRIATE DEFERENCE ON THE PART OF ALL ORCAS, BEARS,
BEAVERS, AND BRONCOS
4. YOU ARE NOW MY VASSAL
5. IF THE WAY OF THINGS GOING FORWARD DOES NOT PLEASE YOU, MIGHT I
SUGGEST YOU PICK ANOTHER MASCOT. PERHAPS A WATERMELON
6. SHOT, OVER
7. ONE WITH THE STRENGTH OF MANY (INCLUDING REG WDRM)

 

[Ping Monkey]

... PERHAPS A WATERMELON

Awesome.  :rofl:

 

[vonGarvin]

:rofl:

This awesome!!!!

 

[Eye In The Sky]

:rofl:

Nice to see stuff like this, sometimes it seems like all the fun and arm-punching pranks are as dead as the Mess is these days.

 

[Bzzliteyr]

Where do we find this official messaging online? I mean, on the DWAN?

 

[dapaterson]

Someone needs to get T-shirts printed with "You are now my vassal".

 

[NavyShooter]

I'm actually laughing.  Out Loud. 

Epic.  Love it.  Wow.

All that had to happen for humour and morale to return was for the VCDS to be....um....oops...didn't mean to say that. 

 

[Eye In The Sky]

Where do we find this official messaging online? I mean, on the DWAN?

Try the Halifax DWAN site and look for the message server stuff there.  :2c:

 

[Bzzliteyr]

Try the Halifax DWAN site and look for the message server stuff there.  :2c:

I'm an army dude, I can't even spell Halifax. Link?

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk

 

[Eye In The Sky]

I'm an army dude, I can't even spell Halifax. Link?

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk

Just type in Halifax.mil.ca on your DWAN PC in IE.  There should be a reasonably easy to find link to the Message Server (used to be...its the one I went to all the time).

 

[daftandbarmy]

BZ!

Why stop with a severed head when the University of Colorado has a live specimen?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ralphie_the_Buffalo

 

[RedcapCrusader]

This is pretty awesome.

The MP Branch sends out Retirement Messages often with some humour included.

 

[Lumber]

It continues...

FROM: HMCS REGINA (REG)
TO: HMCS WINNIPEG (WIN)
AIG 1705
AIG 1704
SUBJ: THE WORLD OF THE BISON

1. SPLASH. LEFT 15 UP 400
2. REG WOULD LIKE TO THANK WIN FOR THE CONGRATULATIONS ON RECLAIMING
THE MIGHTY BISON AS THE SYMBOL OF THE SHIP S WARRIOR SPIRIT AND USE
THIS FORUM AS A MEANS TO CORRECT SOME INCONSISTENCIES CONTAINED IN
132044Z JAN 17
3. WHILE SALTY BOB IS NEW TO THE HERD HE WILL NOT SIMPLY ACCEPT WIN
S OLD AND HAGGARD (YET UNNAMED) BEAST AS A LEADER. OLD AGE AND MILES
TRAVELED ARE NO TRUE MEASURE OF A LEADER. SALTY BOB WOULD ALSO LIKE
TO REMIND WIN S (UNNAMED) MASCOT THAT IS NOT THE SIZE OF THE HORNS
BUT THEIR SHARPNESS AND SKILLED USE THAT ENSURE VICTORY
4. AS A DECENDENT OF HMCS ASSINIBOINE S MIGHTY MASCOT (BONES) SALTY
BOB HAS RETURNED TO CLAIM HIS BIRTHRIGHT AND LEAD THE PACIFIC HERD.
REG HOSTED THE INAUGURAL HERD RECEPTION TO MARK SALTY BOB S ARRIVAL
ON 20 JAN AND WAS SADDENED AT THE LACK OF PARTICIPATION FROM THIER
NEW HERDMATE WIN. NEVERTHELESS REG WILL TAKE ON THE ORGANIZATION OF
THE 1ST ANNUAL FEATS OF STRENGTH COMPETITION TO DECIDE THE ALPHA
BISON FOR THE RCN HERD AT A DATE TBP IN THE NEAR FUTURE
4. THE CROWN IS A VASSAL TO NONE
5. REG WOULD NOT SUGGEST THAT WIN SELECT FRUIT OR OTHER SUCH
PERISHABLE ITEMS AS A MASCOT SHOULD THE HERD PROVE TOO MUCH FOR THEM
BUT PERHAPS A MORE SUITABLE WINNIPEG-RELATED SYMBOL MIGHT BE
APPROPRIATE. REG RESPECTFULLY SUGGESTS WINNIE THE POOH. SHOT, OVER
6. FLOREAT REGINA