I Didn't See That !

[Red 6]

In the Canadian Army, do you guys in armor ever play practical jokes on new guys in your unit? When I was in the Blackhorse Regiment we had a long standing tradition of sending new guys up to the hard stand to check the armor on our tracks for soft spots. Another favorite was sending a new guy all over the place looking for the key to the turret travel lock. This one was especially fun on rail loading day.

 

[George Wallace]

You deserve a whole Topic on this one.

Of course we play practical jokes on our FNGs. 

We have sent them out to get:

1. Some Shore Line;
2. A Sky Hook;
3. Some Grid Lines;
4. A Tarp Stretcher;
5. BFAs for the 105s;
6. Train Tickets (Germany Tank Train stories.);
7. Elbow Grease;
8. a bucket to pick up the laser dots on the IMR after a practice;
9.

What an endless list we can compile of things we sent them off to get.

I remember a good friend of mine, who I had put through Depot, and joined the C Sqn while his father was still the ETQMS, being caught up in a practical joke.  He was talcing all the rubber seals and things that were rubber during an F3 Maint Check when the Crew Commander had asked him "Did you talc all the rubber?" to which he answered "Yes!".  The CC then asked, "Did you talc the track?".  The track having 286 rubber Track Pads.  The embarrassed answer was of course "No?"  Anyway, later he was found talcing all the rubber trackpads, when his father walked by.  His father's only comment, with a smile, was, "He's not my son."

On another note, it was a yearly tradition for us in C Sqn to play a practical joke during our Flyover to Germany on another Sqn.  Every year, while doing workup training for Fall Ex (Reforger) in Hohenfels, we would sneak across the field at night to (usually) A Sqn's Leaguer and undo all the Muff Couplings on all their tanks except for the OC's.  The next morning we would wait and watch as they mounted up and prepared to go off and do a days tactical training.  The OC's tank would pull out and get about 500 meters and then stop, as he screamed back for everyone to follow, which no matter how much they revved their engines, they couldn't.  Every year the same thing.  Due to Regimental rotations between Sqns, etc., they never learned.   ;D

(Muff Couplings are the couplings that join the Transmission output to the Sprockets which drove the tracks.)

 

[GAP]

While stationed at Cua Viet we had one young FNG, with typed up requisition, go by Mike boat to Dong Ha, then DaNang, then Quang Tri (with the sublime assistance of local supply personnel) trying to get a five gallon pail of "Frequency Grease" because our PRC-25 needed it.

Took him 3 days!!

 

[TangoTwoBravo]

Testing the wind sensor as part of an F1.  Get the victim to blow on the wind sensor from a variety of angles while you pretend to take readings down in the turret.  Works even better if you bring something to make a "beeep" sound.

Real payoff is when the individual goes to do it the following month with a different person.

2B

 

[Fishbone Jones]

for you older guys :. Getting a can of 'zero beats' for the AN/PRC 510, and then send the kid all the way back to stores because he's brought you the wrong colour.

 

[GAP]

for you older guys :. Getting a can of 'zero beats' for the AN/PRC 510, and then send the kid all the way back to stores because he's brought you the wrong colour.

Oh..I wish I had known that one!!

 

[George Wallace]

As we had Left and Right handed Threads on suspension bolts, it was always a chance you could catch a FNG by sending him off to get a Left Handed Wrench.

 

[GAP]

Being a FNG at Univeral Signs ( a billboard company here in Wpg), and it being Oct or Nov, they were preparing the signs for the Christmas season. I was hurriedly tasked with quickly running over to Sherwin Williams order desk for some Red and Green striped paint. They dutifully sent me to every supplier, one after another, and I was too young and dumb to catch on.

 

[Red 6]

Checking armor for soft spots: Get two newbies. Give them a ball peen hammer from the tool bag and a piece of white chalk. Take them to the track park and make up a story about quality control problems with the armor or any old story so long as it sounds convincing. Demonstrate by tapping on the armor. Find a "soft" spot by turning the hammer a little but so it makes a slightly different sound. Circle the "soft" spot with the chalk and tell them that's how it's done and they have to check it just the same way every so many square inches or feet— it doesn't really matter. Then leave and let them have at it.

After an hour or so, send another NCO up to the track park and there the newbies are with chalk circles all over the sides of the track. The other NCO yells and screams at them to "get that f**** thing to the wash rack and scrub off all those f**** chalk marks. That's why you always do it with pairs, so you have somebody to drive and another one to ground guide.

 

[Kat Stevens]

Send a Armd Eng newby/wannabe to the tool crib for an AEV track tuning fork.  The tool crib guy sends him to the Strats next door, as ours is out for calibration. Strat guy sends him to 2nd line, because he only has Leo C2 tuning fork, incompatible.  2nd line sends him to ASG,  repeat as necessary.

 

[Red 6]

On the border, we had all these different code words for operational tests and reports. When a new sergeant was doing his border qualification, he had to get checked off on all the various formats. We had binders in the OP with laminated sheets for every one of them. There was a secure land line and fm back-up in the tower back to the Border Ops Center. The section leader on the OP and the Border Ops duty NCO had to be in cahoots in this one, but it worked every time. It went like this:

The BOC would call the OP and get the new sergeant on land line while he was in the OP. You'd say something like, "I'm initiating a "FOOTBALL" time now. Then, you'd make up some kind of fake authentication code that sounded official. So, he'd flip thru his binders and not find anything. The BOC would call him back every minute or so getting more and more insistent wanting to know the status on the "FOOTBALL." The new guy, not wanting to look like a dope, would be up there stressing like crazy. The BOC would call back and tell him to look in some make believe binder and he'd be searching all over the tower for it.

Finally, the new guy would go down below and wake up the section leader to tell him about this "FOOTBALL" thing. The section leader would yell at him and send him out to look in the track for the make believe binder. He's look around and find this old flattened football that had been stashed in one of the storage compartments. It had written on it with magic marker, "Why are you wasting time looking for a football when you're supposed to be in the tower watching the East German border?"

This one worked best on guys that had just reported in from stateside since all the guys who'd been in the troop for awhile knew the deal.

 

[George Wallace]

Ah! Yess.  that ole send him off go get a can of camouflage paint, trick.

Then there is the combination to pop the turret off for maint. 

Back in the old Centurian days, during Gunnery Training, we learned the three methods of traversing the turret.  There was the Power Traverse, which would traverse the turret 360 degrees in 16 seconds (Not an accurate recollection of the speed.).  Then there was Emergency Traverse, when you lost power and then switched to the batteries, which would take about 30 seconds.  Then the Instructor would stop after mentioning that there was Hand Traverse.  Sure enough someone would ask what was the speed of Hand Traverse.........and of course the Instructor would smile and say "Get inside and we'll time you!"

Recce Sqn used to have the Eryx Anti-Tank missile.  For some reason they had an officer teaching a class one day and one of the students was having problems.  The officer got more and more flustered as the class progressed and the student wasn't quite getting what was being taught, that eventually he blurted out "This isn't Rocket Science!" (the often used jab at a student who was slow in picking up a simple subject.) to which the student replied, "But Sir, it is!"  Now totally flustered, the Officer gave the class a break and left.  He did not return.

 

[George Wallace]

At one CAT meet there was a discussion in the beer tent by several Allied Nations tankers on the topic of Auto Loaders and whose was the best.  They went on and on, each bragging about what they thought were the merits of their prefered system, but the Canadians in the group remained rather neutral on the subject.  Finally someone asked a Canadian what he had in his tank, and the reply came back that we to used Auto Loaders.  "What type was it?"  His reply back was that "We used the Armstrong System."

 

[reccecrewman]

I have to share this as it's one of the funniest damned stories I've ever heard WRT tanks.  Years ago, a certain current day MCpl. was loading for a certain current day WO who has a low gruff voice and a large moustache................  They were in a leager and the WO had to go attend an O Gp.  He returned shortly after with his map and a copy of the trace and instructed said loader to copy the trace onto his map, while he went back to the O Gp.  The loader diligently copied the trace to the Warrants map and then took his own map from his bag and made up a completely different trace of his own liking.  The Warrant returned and the loader passed him down the two maps, the Warrant briefly scanned the two and tossed his back up onto the turret while he went back to return the other map. 

It was at this point, the loader swapped his map for the Warrants map and when the Warrant returned and ordered his driver to advance, the Warrant's call sign peeled off in one direction while his whole Troop went in an opposite direction.  The Warrant promptly loses his mind and begins screaming and cursing at his other call signs. "Don't ANY of you know how to read a f****** map?"  After some old fashioned bawling out by the Warrant at his other call signs, the loader then began to laugh uncontrollably and the Warrant looked over at him and asked if he had a hand in this.  The loader handed the Warrant his true map and took some forms of abuse for a while after that from the Warrant.

Regards

 

[Shamrock]

Young trooper doesn't know how to set his cot up, asks someone for help, told he doesn't have all the parts.  He's missing the required crank, sent to the SQ.

"Oh, yes... the crank.  Yeah, didn't think anyone would actually *forget* theres, so I only brought one.  Sergeant Major has it, go see if he's done," says the SQ.

Young troop goes off to the SSM's tent and says, "Excuse me sir, have you finished with your cot crank yet?"

 

[Red 6]

That's too funny. Who said you can't have fun while defending the nation?

 

[Mortar guy]

1 RCR was a Grizzly Bn when I got there but we went down to Gagetown for an Ex and switched to M113s. The Pl WO thought he'd have fun with the new guys by having them jump up and down on top the M113s to check the air pressure in the road wheels!

MG

 

[Michael Dorosh]

Being a FNG at Univeral Signs ( a billboard company here in Wpg), and it being Oct or Nov, they were preparing the signs for the Christmas season. I was hurriedly tasked with quickly running over to Sherwin Williams order desk for some Red and Green striped paint. They dutifully sent me to every supplier, one after another, and I was too young and dumb to catch on.

Every Highland Regiment has similar quantities of Tartan Paint on hand - sometimes used to paint the Last Post.

 

[ExSarge]

In Airborne units, it was routine to send the NG's to supply to draw "canopy lights" for night jumps. We would also send the NG's to draw "prop wash" to clean equipment.

 

[Garry]

1a. Waiting for General's inspection, and watching the CC across the walkway gluing valve stems onto the roadwheels.
1b. Watching the faces of the OC, BC, and SSM when the General notices the valve stems.
1c. Listening to the BC expla to the General about the test program for inflatable roadwheels.

2a Waiting while the rookie Lt cheeses off the driver to the point that you KNOW you're going to hit one horrendous bump.
2b. Having a pasword from the driver to the crew (sans CC) that warns of the upcoming disaster.

3a. The week long gas trace in Germany, and geting commended by the Lt for thinking to use a canteen cup to dispose of liquid waste.
3b. The look on the LT's face when he can't find his canteen cup

4a. Watching your Bud tell his TQ3 student to go and get a skyhook.
4b. having the kid come back with a skyhook (BIG $$ crane...LOL)

5. having your Warant arrive with a brand new Lt, who stands at attention while the WO tries to convince you to sign a 1040 for the Lt. You refuse, as they are "always geting lost and then who's responsible??"...and the argument that ensues.

6a. Teaching a cam and concealement course to air force guys, making them squish that green stuff into every facial feature, then having them look to the left and showing them how thw army does it (cam goose hunting sock obver the head)
6b. Being a trained warrior (and SNCO to boot) and running like a girl from a horde of cheezed of air force cpls.

7. Shaving your head, then, along with others, switching uniforms with various commanders in the Regt for the arival of the new subbies. Doffing your beret, and leting them know you "lead by example".....then, and hour later and back in your own uniform , commenting "Nice haircut Sir!