Just some Police humor :)
- Thread starter Cyr
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How's this one:
If you lined up all of the lawyers in the world beside each other, how far would they reach?
Just into the pocket of the guy next to them. :dontpanic:
If you lined up all of the lawyers in the world beside each other, how far would they reach?
Just into the pocket of the guy next to them. :dontpanic:
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Looking good, baby!! Truely, you are the compliant one. I bet you were just BEGGING to get clipped so you had a slam dunk comp case, right? You even had a camera handy, you sly devil. ;D
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Gentlemen, some insight for you.
THE RED FIREFIGHTER
There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine.
Four and eight makes 12.
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.
The Queen Elizabeth was a ship.
Ships sail in the sea.
The sea has fish.
Fish have fins.
The Finns are always fighting the Russians.
Russians are known as "red".
Fire engines are always rushin', and that's why they're red.
THE RED FIREFIGHTER
There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine.
Four and eight makes 12.
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.
The Queen Elizabeth was a ship.
Ships sail in the sea.
The sea has fish.
Fish have fins.
The Finns are always fighting the Russians.
Russians are known as "red".
Fire engines are always rushin', and that's why they're red.
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And a shot back accross the bow...
A firefighter walks into a bar and waves the bartender down. The fireman asks for a beer and offers to tell a joke about policemen. The bartender replies in a cocky tone, "Look guy, I'm a retired cop, that guy shooting pool is a cop, and that guy two seats down from you is a cop. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The firefighter replies, "No, I don't want to have to repeat it three times."
A firefighter walks into a bar and waves the bartender down. The fireman asks for a beer and offers to tell a joke about policemen. The bartender replies in a cocky tone, "Look guy, I'm a retired cop, that guy shooting pool is a cop, and that guy two seats down from you is a cop. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The firefighter replies, "No, I don't want to have to repeat it three times."
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Alright then,
Q. How can you tell when a firefighter is dead????
A. The remote control slips from his hand.
How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to chop a hole in the roof.
Q. How can you tell when a firefighter is dead????
A. The remote control slips from his hand.
How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to chop a hole in the roof.
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A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl riding down the sidewalk in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a firefighter’s helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The firefighter walks out to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” he says admiringly. “Thanks, Mister Fireman,” the girl says. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles. “Little Partner,” the firefighter says, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster.” The little girl replies sweetly, “You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”
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Where is the joke? ;DScott said:How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the world revolves around them :
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Oh, you mean the Sacred Shrine of the Bucket Boys with the fresh baked muffins and bacon wrapped fillet minion sacrifices surrounded by a high buff polished hand carved teak frame all made on company time? You're right, that is pretty funny.
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zipperhead_cop said:
Doesn't quite stand up to the 6 year old jelly bean dispenser(and jelly beans of corresponding age) in the 16 Div Ready room that no one has eaten out of for years now as they're all afraid of a food product that can last that long without any visible signs of age.
To fire stations really have teak?! I have yet to be in one but now that I read this I think I'm going to angle for an invitation to lunch!
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BTW, for point of clarity, I do like firefighters. My uncle is a Dist Chief in Toronto, and my best friend is a ladder driver in Scarborough. They just need their balls broken from time to time. We rip on them because we are all a little jealous of getting paid to sleep at night.
If you can get in on roast beef night you are in for a treat. I happened to luck into a hall one night when that was the menu during the worst snow storm of last year, and it was one of the best meals that I have had in or out of a restaurant. Home made Yorkshire puddings, honey garlic glazed carrots, fresh mashed new potatoes, the works. Then I sat with them and watched "Gladiator" from start to finish. They were all in bed by 10 pm, so I had to leave quietly.
You don't force your rookies to eat from the ancient jelly bean jar as part of initiation?
If you can get in on roast beef night you are in for a treat. I happened to luck into a hall one night when that was the menu during the worst snow storm of last year, and it was one of the best meals that I have had in or out of a restaurant. Home made Yorkshire puddings, honey garlic glazed carrots, fresh mashed new potatoes, the works. Then I sat with them and watched "Gladiator" from start to finish. They were all in bed by 10 pm, so I had to leave quietly.
You don't force your rookies to eat from the ancient jelly bean jar as part of initiation?
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zipperhead_cop said:
Well...I probably fit into that catagory myself and no one has yet tried to shove the things into me.
Actually that Div tends to be my favourite one to work at as the Staff there (an ancient, wizened but kindly old bird) often gets the unit multiple pizzas after a duty...and on the 'company' tab no less.
They tell me he is retiring soon. He'll be missed. He's a good guy and treats us very well.
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You donut scarfers all thought that the Timmie's soup where you could eat the bowl was gourmet before you were invited to the firehouse for dinner.
I worked with one guy that actually owned a restaurant on the side, we used to take the engine there to raid the bread pans - mmmmm.
I like you cops too, we need someone to make sure the engine doesn't get robbed when we're working ;D
We force rookies to eat from the sacred stash of peanut M&M's that has been around for at least five years.
I worked with one guy that actually owned a restaurant on the side, we used to take the engine there to raid the bread pans - mmmmm.
I like you cops too, we need someone to make sure the engine doesn't get robbed when we're working ;D
We force rookies to eat from the sacred stash of peanut M&M's that has been around for at least five years.
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Scott said:
I still think the bowl is gourmet. I just think it should be made out of a honey cruller, instead of bread. MMMM. Honey Crullersssssss.
Scott said:
Don't worry. When that happens for the 25 minutes/month that you average, I'll be there. Or back at the hall stealing your soup. ;D
