Looking for some (very serious) advice.

[chris_log]

I know my reputation among some of the 'cool kids' (I mean that in jest, before anyone gets upset) isn't so great here anymore...but I've got a situation on my hands that is causing me some worry for a couple of reasons, and I need some advice/help from our resident law enforcement types.

I'll keep the details here to minimum for now, but my girlfriend is having some problems with a guy she works with (summer job, she's still in uni) and I'm halfway across the country at the moment and can't do anything (and regardless, I like to leave these kinds of things to those far more professional, experienced and smarter then I). These 'problems' are essentially sexual harrassment and are causing me concern as they are the same kinds of things someone else did to her a year or so ago (before we were 'together' officially) which lead to 'an incident'.

I've got a bad gut feeling about this guy, and I'm looking to PM some of the more private details to one of our resident police types (preferrably in SW Ontario) so I could get some advice/help. I know I'm being a wee bit vague, but I'm in a bit of a bind right now.

 

[Fishbone Jones]

Putting 'just kidding' in brakets for back handed comments doesn't cancel them out. The attitude still comes through loud and clear, and will get you dinged. We're not stupid.

If she is truly being harrassed and can prove it, tell her to go to the courthouse and swear out a peace bond. It'll cost a few bucks and all she has to do is prove her case to a JP or Judge. Most provincial courts have one day a week set aside for this and many times it's just her and the JP in a room.

But it's advice from me, so what the hey, take it or leave it right?

 

[chris_log]

If she is truly being harrassed and can prove it, tell her to go to the courthouse and swear out a peace bond. It'll cost a few bucks and all she has to do is prove her case to a JP or Judge. Most provincial courts have one day a week set aside for this and many times it's just her and the JP in a room.

But it's advice from me, so what the hey, take it or leave it right?

I tried, she doesn't want to (kind hearted soul, doesn't want to 'ruin the guy'). I'm just looking to see what options are out there for her (as I can't do anything if she doesn't want to). I know we have a few people here who are LEO types and I wanted to see what they'd suggest (having come across situations like this before, victims unwilling to co-operate). I know a few LEO types personally that I could ask a favour of, but right now I'm looking to get some advice from the relative anonymity of the 'net (anonymity for her that is).

I'm concerned for her well being as I'm a) not there to keep watch and b) I don't want to 'leave it be' until it's too late and something happens (the guy is apparently a bit of a nut). I wish I could find out what (if any) criminal history he has, but alas that's beyond my abilities (and arguably not my business, legally).

Anyhoo, I'll try talking her into going to see a JP again (although I've tried before and she refused). It's frustrating.

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

GUELPH VWAP  [Services & Offices Directory]   
General Inquiry: 519-837-6366
Fax: 519-837-6371
Address:
36 Wyndham St S
Guelph ON N1H7J5

 

[Fishbone Jones]

I tried, she doesn't want to (kind hearted soul, doesn't want to 'ruin the guy'). I'm just looking to see what options are out there for her (as I can't do anything if she doesn't want to). I know we have a few people here who are LEO types and I wanted to see what they'd suggest (having come across situations like this before, victims unwilling to co-operate). I know a few LEO types personally that I could ask a favour of, but right now I'm looking to get some advice from the relative anonymity of the 'net (anonymity for her that is).

I'm concerned for her well being as I'm a) not there to keep watch and b) I don't want to 'leave it be' until it's too late and something happens (the guy is apparently a bit of a nut). I wish I could find out what (if any) criminal history he has, but alas that's beyond my abilities (and arguably not my business, legally).

Anyhoo, I'll try talking her into going to see a JP again (although I've tried before and she refused). It's frustrating.

You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

 

[chris_log]

GUELPH VWAP  [Services & Offices Directory]   
General Inquiry: 519-837-6366
Fax: 519-837-6371
Address:
36 Wyndham St S
Guelph ON N1H7J5

Thanks Bruce.

You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped.

Completely understood. Options to keep her safe then (her parents, who have alot of pull at her work, are working on that angle)?

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Without knowing anything about it I can offer a few general observations I've made over the years.
1.  As mentioned, you can't help someone who doesn't want help.
2.  There are women out there who live for drama.  Just seeing/hearing a guy get all wound up and bothered at the idea of another guys attention gets them off.  There are a great many women who go their whole lives without ever getting into one of these situations.  People who repeatedly get into jackpots are doing something to bring it on themselves. 
3.  Local law enforcement will have zero interest in helping her unless she makes the effort.  See point #1.
4.  Until she tells the guy in a very clear, no-BS manner to back off she is only borderline deterring the problem.  Once she does that, she should start keeping an actual written journal on times/dates/places she has had problems with the guy.  This will go a long way towards a credible criminal harassment case. 
5.  If her name is Tanya (or any variation thereof--Tonya, Tanya, Tatiana etc) walk away now.  They are all bat-sh*t crazy.  A gross generalization that is based on multiple experiences. 
If there is some other element to this you would rather PM over, feel free to send it to me. 

 

[armyvern]

I'm actually liking your #2 point having seen a chick in "action" --- boy did her boyfriend get a totally different story on what actually was happening ... multiple times. She spun a simple 'hello, you look good today" into 'stalking'.

I always said to him - you know ... if it's all so true, then why the hell won't she do anything "official" about it.

I just can't understand women who will put up with actual 'stalking' or inappropriateness given the widespread media attention given to the very subject today.

Girls: If you ARE being harassed - do something about it ... "officially".

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Yeah, Vern is bang on.  You either don't mind the comments or do something about them.  Rarely is it the diminutive wall flower that is far to helpless to do something for herself. 

 

[armyvern]

Yeah, Vern is bang on.  You either don't mind the comments or do something about them.  Rarely is it the diminutive wall flower that is far to helpless to do something for herself.

I have the same philosophy at work ...

"If that's your take on it, then put the "facts" into writing. Until you're willing to put it in writing "officially" -- it's just heresay; just another story."

Sadly, rarely does the "story" get put into writing ... and usually, when it does, the "facts" have changed (sometimes quite substantially - sometimes not in the original "complainers" favour ...) from the "facts" given verbally. Funny how that works.

 

[PMedMoe]

I have to agree with Vern and zipperhead_cop.  If this has happened to her before (as stated in the original post), there may be something in her behavior (deliberate or not) that is bringing this on.  She has to tell this guy to stop bothering her in no uncertain terms and file an official complaint.

z_c, I had a friend who would not date any girl whose name ended in a vowel.  ;D

 

[armyvern]

z_c, I had a friend who would not date any girl whose name ended in a vowel.  ;D

What a shame!! He's missing out on all the "Moe's" & "Veronica's" in this world -- and we rock!!  >

 

[J.J]

5.  If her name is Tanya (or any variation thereof--Tonya, Tanya, Tatiana etc) walk away now.  They are all bat-sh*t crazy.  A gross generalization that is based on multiple experiences. 

:rofl: :rofl:

I doubt there is one person out here that can understand that comment like I can coming from ZC.....and he is right!

2.  There are women out there who live for drama.  Just seeing/hearing a guy get all wound up and bothered at the idea of another guys attention gets them off.  There are a great many women who go their whole lives without ever getting into one of these situations.  People who repeatedly get into jackpots are doing something to bring it on themselves. 

Then why do we (meaning ZC and myself) still date and marry them??    :'(

 

[mariomike]

5.  If her name is Tanya (or any variation thereof--Tonya, Tanya, Tatiana etc) walk away now.  They are all bat-sh*t crazy.  A gross generalization that is based on multiple experiences. 

That's my wife's name!
Just say, "Yes, Dear!" hahaha
Was your generalization based on personal or professional experience? Or both?
The City sent me into many hysterical homes over the decades. Some were real "Posey" ( ie: straightjacket ) cases.  I can't say that I observed a Tanya connection, but, I've always been better with faces than names.
I should edit to add, I am not speaking as a member of law enforcement. So, I could be wrong.

 

[Bzzliteyr]

Did I mention the incident with my recent ex last month.. I was in bed at her place, when her "ex" showed up and let himself in the apartment (he never lived there yet had a key).  She intercepted him, they went to the bathroom where the discussion heated up and at one point I hear him yell "well then, what the hell is your ex doing in your bed right now!?!?!"

Appearently, we might have both been getting played.  I'd hear her sob stories about him and stuff though... So like it has been stated by zipperhead_cop (point #2) some women leave details out of theirs stories for dramatic effect.

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

One in the bed, one trying to get in,............oh, those were the days. :king:

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

The "Tanya" tangent has been moved to Radio Chatter.

http://Forums.Army.ca/forums/threads/86971.0

 

[zipperhead_cop]

So, subsequent Gong Show aside, Piper does any of this make sense?  You have not commented on the thread you started and the info was provided.
Apologies for #5 if it seemed untoward, just some dark humor.  The rest of it was given in sincerity.