Mother of all Jokes

[GAP]

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of
tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag
out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they
start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though' mum confides.

'Oh, so sad dear' says the other.

And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21'

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair
when he was born'.

'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly.

'Oh, gracious me .....' Says the other.

'And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18.

'Yes' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first
started school'.

He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully
at the photographs and says...

'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

 

[geo]

Giggle.... soo sad!!! :rofl:

 

[PMedMoe]

Had to forward that one...... ;D

 

[Mike Baker]

;D HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[Rocketryan]

Wow almost fell out of chair (well I was leaning back when I read this)   :rofl:

 

[medaid]

ROFL... this joke MUST be shared...

 

[2 Cdo]

Best joke I've heard this week! ;D

 

[geo]

A one-legged man with one eye covered by an eye patch stood on       
the street at the entrance to a busy London tube station.               
                                                                       
He was holding a basket and around his neck was a sign reading,       
"Help a starving veteran of the Falklands campaign."                   
                                                                       
A naval officer stopped and read the sign, and began shouting at     
the passing pedestrians:                                               
                                                                       
"Does it mean nothing to you that a veteran of the Falklands         
campaign is starving?  Have you no gratitude for his sacrifices?"       
                                                                       
He put a 50 pound note in the man's basket and several people         
followed suit.                                                         
                                                                       
"I hope that helps you," the Naval officer said . . .                 
>
>
>
>
>
and the man replied, "Gracias, Senor."                                   
                                           

 

[gaspasser]

First one......gggrrrooooananananaan ....but still hi-larious.


second one was good.... ;D

 

[my72jeep]

best politically non correct joke I've heard in a long time. keep em coming. 

 

[JBoyd]

As it fits with the 'mother' theme as per the title of the thread...


The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"

 

[GAP]

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway.
But, as time went by, the traffic
Slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his
Chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office
And said, "You've got to do something about all
Of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers
Go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW:
SCHOOL CROSSING


Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff
And said, "You've got to do something about these drivers.
The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county
Workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW:
CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called
And called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are
Doing no good.. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.."
He was going to let Farmer John do just about
Anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the
Sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call..
"How's the problem with those drivers.
Did you put up your sign?"


"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been
Killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to
Himself, "I'd better go out there and take a
Look at that sign... It might be something that
WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house,
And his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.
It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....

NUDIST COLONY
Go slow and watch out for chicks!
 
Keep Smiling...........

 

[Bass ackwards]

Oh what the heck...

It's a beautiful, hot August morning in Northwestern Ontario and three men are out on the lake fishing. There has been little action thus far and the heat is making them drowsy until -suddenly- one man's fishing rod bends nearly double and the line begins stripping off his reel.
Excited, he jumps to his feet and promptly loses his balance and falls over the side of the boat. He disappears below the surface of the lake.

A second man shouts: "Hey! Ralph can't swim!", as he kicks off his shoes and jumps into the water -also disappearing below the surface.
Nearly a full minute goes by before the second man reappears -towing an inert form behind him.
The lifeless figure is wrestled into the boat and the second man leaps in after him and begins mouth-to-mouth and CPR.

Eventually, the second man raises his head from the rescue-breathing attempts and comments: "Man! His breath is really bad!" He then goes back to his life-saving attempts.
Another minute goes by and again he looks up and says: "I swear! His breath is absolutely rotten! I don't remember Ralph having such bad breath."

The third man nods sagely and replies:

"I don't remember him wearing that snowmobile suit this morning, either".