Saying thank you and please

[jack112]

Hello,
I joined the reserves in September, 2009. During our BMQ course, one of our instructors told us not to say thank you and please. He explained that we shouldn't because he wasn't our friend. Also, one of the recruits said that people in the military don't say thank you and please. I understand that if somebody gives you an order and you do that order, that person is not required to say thank you. However, if somebody does something for you such as give you information, shouldn't you say thank you. I would appreciate it if somebody could clear this up for me.

 

[Michael OLeary]

There is nothing wrong with using "please", "thank you" or other pleasantries.  They may not have a place on the parade square during drill, but in most of life, in and out of the military, they are perfectly good etiquette for well-mannered people.  It's your instructor's tough guy act declaring them out of use in the military that is out of date.

 

[the 48th regulator]

Don't thank me, thank your God that I am here!

Man I used to love telling people that!

dileas

tess

 

[armyvern]

When I'm giving orders - I don't predicate them with a "please"; they are orders.


But, when I wish to speak to a subordinate in my office about a matter (or have them in my office to respond to a query etc they have sent me for action) ... I say "Pte so&so, can I see you in my office in 10 please?" I have had Ptes respond "No warrant, I have an appt in 20 minutes, how about in an hour?" "No problem" says I, "thank you."

I also make it a habit of saying "thank you" to my subordinates, peers, and supervisors when they answer a query that I have or provide me an update/information on anything. For example, a MCpl sends me an email advising of a scale amendment ... I respond with a "thank you." And, there's nothing wrong with that.

I also make a habit out of "thanking" a clerk in an orderly room or pay office, or anyone else who assists me in course of performing my duties or actionning personal business (ie banking info changes for pay) on my behalf.

There's no excuse for not being polite and saying "thank you" as far as I'm concerned. But, in context, there's also appropriate times when please & thank you are not appropriate ... at those times it would not be "an invitation" to my office, rather it would be more of a "Pte Bloggins - my office, 10 minutes. Get it, got it, good." Usually when that occurs, the "invited" is usually well aware of exactly why she/he will be there well before I've "ordered" them into visit with me.

Time / Place / Common Sense.

 

[mariomike]

I was in the store one time and I said to the cashier, "Don't you say thank-you anymore?" She replied, "It's on the receipt."  ???

 

[Edward Campbell]

At least in one time and place, many years ago, there was some courtesy on the parade square.

Going on 45 years ago now I was the Acting Adjutant. It was the regular CO's parade. The RSM handed it over to me and then, a few moments later, the 2IC marched out. I saluted, sharply, and said "Good morning, Sir! xxx on parade." "Thank you," he said, "carry on, please." I saluted, turned and marched away to my place.

Several years later I marched out and the DCO saluted and said, "Good morning, Colonel, xx officers and xxx other ranks on parade." "Thank you, George," I replied, "carry on, please." He saluted again, turned and marched away.

Maybe that custom has died out, but that's how we used to do it.

 

[Michael OLeary]

Maybe that custom has died out, but that's how we used to do it.

That custom has not died out Edward, but neither is it likely to intersect with a Private's experiences on a parade square any time soon.

 

[OldSolduer]

In the right circumstances there is nothing wrong with being courteous. The instructor who told you that needs some "socialization".
When the troops are being fed, they all say thank you to every NCO serving them. They do this without being told to.

I also say please and thank you to my NCOs. Courtesy and respect is a two way street.

 

[George Wallace]

I don't think you guys have understood the original question, because you don't know the context under which the statements were made.

 

[Nfld Sapper]

That custom has not died out Edward, but neither is it likely to intersect with a Private's experiences on a parade square any time soon.

Think it also depends on the officer....

I was acting Tp WO for a parade and didn't get a please but I did get a thank you....

 

[ballz]

During our BMQ course, one of our instructors told us not to say thank you and please. He explained that we shouldn't because he wasn't our friend.

What's bolded is what stands out most to me. I was also told this on the couple BMQ weekends I attended at a reserve unit, and I was told this by any staff that it happened to come up with at BMOQ at St. Jean last summer, including my entire course staff, who I didn't believe to have any shortcomings they were trying to make up for.

One of the instructors at the reserve BMQ told me that the only appropriate manners were to say "Good job" when all was said and done, which is the equivilant of "Thank you." Makes sense really. I followed it to a rule while doing my leadership portions and I thought it worked well. I never asked my section-mates to do anything, I told them, and when they did it, I let them know it was appreciated by telling them they did a good job. The one time I said "Do this please" by accident I actually felt a smaller command presence in voice, and it was pointed out to me in my evaluation.

Of course there is a time and a place for please's and thank you's, but that time and place is probably not on BMQ/BMOQ.

 

[OldSolduer]

I disagree. I understand the context. My OC is not my friend either, but we take the time to be courteous.

There is NO reason for an NCO, during the normal course of business, to be discourteous to a lower rank.

If a soldier does a good job, tell them that and thank them. Will the soldiers think your "weak"? No, they will respect you all the more for it.

 

[Fusaki]

There is NO reason for an NCO, during the normal course of business, to be discourteous to a lower rank.

Even between staff and candidates on BMQ?

You obviously have more experience then I in these situations, but it seems to me that on BMQ the normal course of business is a lot of "MOVE NOW" going down the chain and a lot of "YES MCPL!" going back up.

 

[ballz]

during the normal course of business, to be discourteous to a lower rank.

I agree with you. During a normal work week and doing day to day stuff there isn't. However:

it seems to me that on BMQ the normal course of business is a lot of "MOVE NOW" going down the chain and a lot of "YES MCPL!" going back up.

This is the reality of BMQ/BMOQ. The other thing is, lowest point of the CoC on BMOQ (can't comment for BMQ, but I think it's the same) is not the Marching NCO. It's your section senior, then your course senior, then HE answers to the Marching NCO.

This is to teach leadership and how to use the CoC and solve problems at the lowest levels. You are evaluated on your leadership when you are in these positions of leadership, Since "the normal environment" for BM(O)Q is the "MOVE NOW" stuff, this is probably why the whole "No thank you's, no please's" stuff is emphasized on that course.

There's plenty of time for recruits to learn that the military isn't like basic training all the timer when they're finished BMQ.


Just my 2 cents, I'm interested in hearing if you agree Big Silverback.

 

[mellian]

We are Canadian, it is expected for us to be courteous and polite.

 

[OldSolduer]

OK, I've taken BMQ, I've instructed BMQ, several times. Please have a look at my profile, troops. Thank you. I've been around a while.

BMQ is NOT  a normal course of business. BMQ is designed to train a civilian and give them enough knowledge and discipline to succeed in the CF.

 

[ModlrMike]

I get the sense that this discussion has turned the original post on its head.

If you look at the OP, it says that "one of the instructors told us not to say please and thank you."

While I agree that by and large leaders should avoid too many "please" and too few "thank you", I can't understand the concept that a subordinate should not use those words.

 

[SeanNewman]

Staff and candidates relationships are bizarre in that there are training aims to be met that sometimes require you to be a bit of a jerk, but at the same time you are juggling how to demonstrate how that rank level is supposed to interact with you.

For example, a platoon commander in real army life is expected to live with and share hardships with the soldiers, because he is one of them and going in the same direction. 

However, a course officer filling the platoon commander role on something like a DP1/BIQ/QL3 infantry course has many other functions like doing the course admin (keeping the files, attending progress review boards for failing candidates, doing course reports, etc) so it's not always possible for him to be out with the candidates getting rained on all the time.

How this ties into the original question is that the Sgt section commander also has training aims that he has to have the candidates meet, not just according to the TP but also being the Army as a whole.  Before we consider someone qualified, we need to know that they can perform under stress, which does involve a lot of hurrying up and getting yelled at, because it is proven to bring out the worst in people. 

So if the Sgt was doing his job as course staff by telling people what to do and not saying "please" or "thank you" then that's fine...but if he actually made a point to convey the message that people in the CF don't say please or thank you then he is completely in the wrong.

As was brought up above, any time a peer helps you with something, a clerk helps you with your pay, a cook gives you food, or a janitor mops your floor you should be using basic manners or else you are going to stand out as an @$$hole.

Nobody would want to come to a workplace where everyone is in course mode all the time.

 

[Pusser]

One of the best pieces of advice my retired sergeant father gave to me as I embarked on a military career was that "please" and "thank you" will take you a long way.  I too had instructors inform me that these words have no place when giving orders.  I disagreed and ignored that "advice" then and I still do.  In the last 27 years I've heard many a tale where people have encountered horrific problems in orderly rooms, MIRs, Pay Offices, etc and I can honestly say that I have had next to no problems of my own in these areas.  I can't help but wonder whether it's because I've always followed my father's advice.  The true military professional will go to the end of the earth and endure great hardship in exchange for one thing - respect.  Anyone who thinks that an order is not an order simply because the person who gave it said "please," doesn't truly understand the situation. 

An amusing naval anecdote:

Quartermaster:  "Sunset Sir."

Officer of the Day:  "Make it so"  Thereby the OOD gives the sun permission to set.