THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION

[gszd55]

I came across this recently, a Facebook version of WWII.  Canada is not included, but I guess you can't expect much from 'a modern adaptation of world war II for the american teenager'  Sort of sad really...

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1802364

 

[HavokFour]

Ah, I can finally use this .gif! WWII as an RTS.

WARNING: Some graphic images and profane language used.

http://i34.tinypic.com/11bs100.jpg

 

[Haletown]

Haletown!

I was enjoying my bedtime story and you spoiled it! You have to tell it like a bar brawl scene.

Now back to our once upon a time...

Sorry bud.  I was just thinking that if they had taught history like that I might have understood it and then I realized that without Coles Notes, I would not have made it out of High School, let alone four years of majoring in Pub at University.

 

[Retired AF Guy]

Italy, while the Germans have their backs turned, decides to pick a fight with the Balkans Football Club which has been sitting in the corner. The BFC is a lot tougher then they look and the Italians are soon running to the Germans asking for help. The Germans turn around and go "WTF!"

 

[TN2IC]

Family Guy Sums It Up

 

[armyvern]

Maybe the point was that Canada was in the bar fight too and in fact at one point jumped over the ridge of the bar and knocked Germany down after both Britain and France had tried and failed to do the same thing.  Unfortunately, because Canada was dressed like Britain and sounded like America, everybody forgot that Canada was even there.

LMAO --- too funny.

We Canuks must have apologized to everyone for the confusion at some point in there too - I am convinced of that.

 

[Osotogari]

Ending should be amended to read:

With Britain nursing a broken hand and with France writhing in the corner from a self-inflicted groin punch, Canada and Australia gang up on Germany, knocking its teeth out, kicking it in the solar plexus, and shattering one of its knees. 

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from its sustained beating, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

 

[OldSolduer]

Ending should be amended to read:

With Britain nursing a broken hand and with France writhing in the corner from a self-inflicted groin punch, Canada and Australia gang up on Germany, knocking its teeth out, kicking it in the solar plexus, and shattering one of its knees. 

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from its sustained beating, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

LOL LMAO!! Well said!!

 

[opp550]

After the Second Bar Fight, Russia and America, who were on the same side in Bar Fight Two, notic ethey have profound differences. Fearful of a Third Bar Fight, they both stock up on all the empty beer bottles they can, to be used in the next bar fight.

Britain, Canada, and France join America's side and call themselves NATO. Russia and his allies call themselves the Warsaw Pact. Germany is split between the two factions. Japan, tired of the fighting, and at the request of the US, goes to the bar next door.

NATO and the Warsaw Pact, fearful of the extreme destruction that would be caused in another full-on bar fight, decide to have the patron of the bar across the street fight for them. The standoff ends when the bartender comes up to Russia demanding that they pay off their tab.

 

[Danjanou]

Hey lets not get ahead of oursleves yet, we're still at mid point of 1941.

....After sortiing out the BFC with some help from it's new bestest buds Romania, and Hungary, Germany looks around the shambles
of the room. England is still snarling at them from behind a fortified barrier of bar stools and Canada is at the window bhind them passing in a fresh supply of empty bottles to toss. Russia is still sitting in the corner taking in everything  and snarling at Finland.

Then another cry for help from Italy, they've decided to rifle the pockets of Egypt who passed out earlier in the childrens sandbox in the corner, but England sicked the kids, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa on them and they're all smacking Italy about the kneecaps. Rolling up their sleeves Germany sighs and wonders where ti can get sdome better friends and allies and stomps over top that end of the room......

 

[Sapplicant]

....As Germany makes it's way to the childrens sandbox, it makes eye contact with a stretching, knuckle cracking Japan, who gives a knowing nod. Japan puffs it's chest out, and makes its way through the giant ocean of spilt beer, over to the United States, who's standing there, flat-footed, laughing hysterically, one hand slapping it's knee, the other trying to hold it's stomach from bursting. USA looks up JUST in time to see Japan in midswing with a big, heavy section of broken table....

 

[cavalryman]

The USA manages to raise an arm and blunt Japan's swing, only to reel backwards into Germany, which is not amused and promises to get the USA once its taken care of the sandbox.  Japan, in the meantime, turns around and beats up poor Netherlands, cowering in the tiki lounge since Germany kicked it out of the Europe bar, before taking away Britain's Tiger Beer and pouring it on Britain's bleeding scalp.    The Phillipines meanwhile walks out the door, vowing to return.  At the end of the bar, India, trying hard to mind its own business gets splashed by Japan's beer vandalism and starts to get up.....

 

[vonGarvin]

I have to interject.  Poor Russia has his nads handed to him by Germany at some point before Japan takes a chair to USA's face.  (Of course, Uncle Joe is able to keep fighting in spite of the fact that he has no nads left...)

 

[Danjanou]

....... After dealing with the sandbox, German walks over to Russia hand outstretched in greeting. Russian grabs it and Germany kicks
Russia in the goolies while Finland, Hungary,Italy, and Rumania all pile on. Bloodied and concussed Russia backs off into the storeroom.

To Distract Germany, England whispers something to Canada, who climbs in the bar window, sneaks across the room and tries  to
smash a beer bottle on Germany's head. The bottle fails to break and Germany turns around, grins and punches Canada in the nose.

Holding their Bloody nose Canada retreats across the room to their previous perch. Australia and New Zealand get a urgent call to come home from the missus as Japan is lurking in the garden and dash out. South Africa still pissed at England making them take on both Italy and Germany  continues to sulk in the sanbox and treat thweir cuts and bruises.....


( there all caught up)

 

[cavalryman]

.....Germany goes looking for Russia in the storeroom to punch it some more, and notices the attractive walk-in freezer with its loops of sausage and piles of schnitzel, not realizing Russia is hiding behind the schnitzel, just waiting with a frozen haunch of ham.....  Germany being otherwise occupied, Britain kicks sand in Italy's face and tries to coax the USA into joining it in the sandbox....  With things getting a bit too quiet in the main bar, Britain and Canada start throwing pickled eggs at Germany's back...  Meanwhile, the USA climbs into the sandbox and kicks out Vichy France which had been looking for a reason to join it's wayward brother Free France....

 

[Danjanou]

.....Germany and Russia egged on by their various supports, buddies, and relatives ( Romania, Croatia, Slovenia, Hungary, Finland, Ukraine, Siberia et all) have started a serious game of Roshambow in the freezer, so Gemrany fails to hear (or ignores) Italy's pitiful screams for help form the main bar room.

 

[medicineman]

Italy, having decided that beating up on Ethiopia was training enough to punch at their own weight level, decided to take on the UK - and ran away crying for Mommy and Germany to help out after being sodomized by an unlubricated British boot.

MM

 

[Sapplicant]

.....Meanwhile, our friendly bartender Switzerland is still sitting there, watching this all unfold, dishtowel in one hand, drink in the other, trying to duck the occasional flying shard of glass/chairleg/billiard ball. This all, of course, coming after having put everyone's wallets, rings, necklaces, etc... in the lock-box under the bar for safe-keeping....

 

[Haletown]

".....Meanwhile, our other  friendly bartender Sweden is still sitting there, watching this all unfold, Order Book in one hand, weapons licenses for sale in the other, trying to duck the occasional flying shard of glass/chair leg/billiard ball. This all, of course, while selling weapons and ammunition to both sides and getting very rich in the process.

 

[medicineman]

Germany, hearing Italy's whining, sends a couple of its pals over that need warming up after dealing with Russia in the freezer, and promptly wipe the shyte eating grin off the UK's face...for a few minutes.

MM