Ok... ok... joke time. Please leave you NHL jokes here.
1)
Q: How many Leafers do you need to fix a light bulb.
A: None, if theyre going to embrass them selves, do it in the dark.
2)
Mats Sundin, Daniel Aldfordson, and Sydney Crosby went on a trivia show. The first question was about winning. Daniel Aldfordson answered it correctly. The second question was about high energy. Crosby answered that question. The third question is about Losing in the most embarassing way. Everyone turns to Sundin. Sundin knows the answer but he chokes and he would he would say "Duh, Im a hockey player." Everyone starts laughing at him and he loses the trivia game. As Sundin walks out, Daniel Aldfordson and Sidney Crosby confort him and say "are you ok" and Sundin says, "Its ok, Im used to it."
3)
The leafs are like the titanic............... they are good until the hit the ice. :rofl:
4)
Q: What does Toronto have that Montreal doesn't?
A: Black and white photographs of their last Stanley Cup.
5)
Q: Were does do Toronto players get their wives?
A: Canadian Tire, were else do you get a leaf blower.
6)
Q:Want to know why Hamilton will never get a REAL NHL franshise?
A: Because Toronto would want one too.
7)
In court the other day there was a case regarding the custody of a small child.
The judge asked the boy, "do you want to live with your mother?"
He replied, "No I don't want to live with her because she beats me!".
The judge then asked, "Do you want to live with your father?"
The boy stated, "No he beats me too."
Finally the judge asked, "where do you want to live?"
The child responded, "I want to live with the Toronto Maple Leafs!".
The judge asked, "Why do you want to live with the Toronto Maple Leafs?"
The boy exclaimed, "Because the Toronto Maple Leafs don't beat anybody!"
8)
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole. All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "As I said before, there are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.
Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"
"No", the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."
9)
An Habs hockey fan was driving home from work and he passed by a local priest. He stops and offers him a lift. The priest thanks him kindly and together they proceed to the church to drop the priest off.
On the way they pass a man walking his dog on the other side of the road; on closer inspection the man was seen to be wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. Now the driver hated the Maple Leafs and suddenly felt an uncontrollable urge to run his car into him. He put his foot down on the accelerator and tried to hit him. At the last minute the Maple Leafs fan jumped out of the way. The driver of the car heard a bang but he was sure he'd missed him.
The two men proceeded to the church in silence and the Habs fan pulled up and said, "Look Father, I'm really sorry about that incident back there. I don't know what came over me, can you forgive me father?"
The Priest replied "Of course I can forgive you my son; I got him with the car door."
10)
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about hockey. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral ice between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "We've got all the referees."
11)
Two boys were playing hockey at an outdoor arena when one is attacked by a Pitbull. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was walking by saw the incident, and rushed over to interview the boy!
"Calgary Flames fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Flames fan," the boy replied.
"Edmonton Oilers fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.
"I'm not a Oilers fan either," the boy said.
"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Maple Leafs fan."
The reporter turns to a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck idiot kills family pet."
