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This article was originally published in the UK's RE Ubique magisine...whether fact or fiction is up for you to decided. However, it makes for a good story, enjoy.
UBIQUE
When the Duke of …….., a son of Queen Victoria, was undergoing training as a Sapper officer he had occasion to visit what is now known as a wine bar with some of his fellow officers. Whilst imbibing the fruit of the vine they were accosted by some infantry officers who, in the manner so typical of their ilk, proceeded to attempt to take what is now known as the “Michael” from the Royal Duke and his friends. The main theme of their attacks was the fact that the Sappers did not have colours and that there must be some dark and mysterious reason for this.
His Royal Highness was, not unnaturally, most “unchuffed”. (I should perhaps digress here to explain that “chuffed” is an archaic English word much used by the military which means delighted.) So unchuffed was he in fact that upon his return to Chatham Barracks he penned the following note to his mother the Queen.
Dear Mama, he wrote, for in those days that was the mode of address used by the best people, I am shocked to find that I, a Sapper Officer and a Royal Duke to boot ( this is how they spoke in those days), am in a Corps which has no colours. Please fix.
Your affectionate son
……………………
Once again I feel that I must digress to point out to our non Sapper readers that our Sapper Officer in writing this letter was mindful of his fine sapper training in spite of being a Royal Duke, and in spite of the fact that his Colonel in Chief was his mother. Not for him a verbose and platitudinous missive relying on nepotism to receive assistance. No Sir! Far from it. Rather, in the finest Sapper tradition, he confined himself to the essentials- courtesy, brevity and clarity.
The master General of the Ordnance, an officer skilled in fielding such missives, immediately placed the blame squarely upon several subordinates and at the same time directed them to turn their immediate and full attention to the business of investigating and authorising the issue of colours with appropriate Battle Honours to the Corps of Royal Engineers. As a result of their efforts he was able, in a space of time which would make a Russell-bound bureaucrat blanch, to pen the following letter to his Sovereign:
Ma’am
Having severely reprimanded those responsible for this monstrous slight to His Royal Highness’ Corps, and having caused immediate investigations to be carried out, I now have the honour and pleasure to report as follows:
Sappers have been present at every battle and engagement conducted by the British forces against the enemies of the realm. They are therefore, without question, entitled to bear colours.
The size of the colour required, if all of the battle honours to which the Corps of Royal Engineers is entitled are to be emblazoned on it, is computed to be 24 feet by 12 feet and, to support such a colour, a staff 22 feet 3 ¼ inches long would be required (note the precision- a precaution in case the Queen checked).
It is however Ma’am, my regrettably odious duty to inform Your Majesty that, desirous as we are to accord the Corps of Royal Engineers those honours to which it is undoubtedly entitled, to do so in the normal manner is not possible. This Ma’am is because the officer required to bear this colour would have to be at least 18 feet tall and I am informed by the Commander in Chief ( at the present time the Duke of Wellington) that there exists at the present time a grave shortage of 18 foot tall officers. Indeed currently he knows of none, neither can he envisage any improvement to this situation for some time to come.
Your Majesty will of course recall that your Royal Regiment of Artillery is also entitled to use the motto UBIQUE. In this regard, and in order to avoid confusion, and perchance some diminution of the lustre pertaining to the Corps selected by his Royal Highness, I would respectfully suggest that as a further mark of distinction the flowing translations of Ubique be officially prescribed for use by the Corps of Royal Engineers and the Royal Regiment of Artillery Respectively:
For your son’s Corp (note the obsequious reference to the son of the Monarch) it is recommended that the translation “Everywhere” be granted. This in one word will serve admirably to still further enhance the already matchless reputation of your Corps of Royal Engineers. For the Royal Regiment of Artillery, the translation of “All over the place” will, I think, suffice as a fair translation.
I have the honour to remain Ma’am
Your obedient servant…. Master General of the Ordnance.
You will no doubt, dear reader, having been obliged to wade your way through the overly long and convolutedly phrased letter of the Master General of the Ordnance, be longing once more for another sample of the taut phraseology so succinctly employed by our royal Sapper Officer. You shall not be disappointed. In reply, brief as ever, and in a manner befitting the mother of a Sapper Officer the Queen wrote:
Dear General,
I like it, so be it, fix it!
Victoria R.
UBIQUE
When the Duke of …….., a son of Queen Victoria, was undergoing training as a Sapper officer he had occasion to visit what is now known as a wine bar with some of his fellow officers. Whilst imbibing the fruit of the vine they were accosted by some infantry officers who, in the manner so typical of their ilk, proceeded to attempt to take what is now known as the “Michael” from the Royal Duke and his friends. The main theme of their attacks was the fact that the Sappers did not have colours and that there must be some dark and mysterious reason for this.
His Royal Highness was, not unnaturally, most “unchuffed”. (I should perhaps digress here to explain that “chuffed” is an archaic English word much used by the military which means delighted.) So unchuffed was he in fact that upon his return to Chatham Barracks he penned the following note to his mother the Queen.
Dear Mama, he wrote, for in those days that was the mode of address used by the best people, I am shocked to find that I, a Sapper Officer and a Royal Duke to boot ( this is how they spoke in those days), am in a Corps which has no colours. Please fix.
Your affectionate son
……………………
Once again I feel that I must digress to point out to our non Sapper readers that our Sapper Officer in writing this letter was mindful of his fine sapper training in spite of being a Royal Duke, and in spite of the fact that his Colonel in Chief was his mother. Not for him a verbose and platitudinous missive relying on nepotism to receive assistance. No Sir! Far from it. Rather, in the finest Sapper tradition, he confined himself to the essentials- courtesy, brevity and clarity.
The master General of the Ordnance, an officer skilled in fielding such missives, immediately placed the blame squarely upon several subordinates and at the same time directed them to turn their immediate and full attention to the business of investigating and authorising the issue of colours with appropriate Battle Honours to the Corps of Royal Engineers. As a result of their efforts he was able, in a space of time which would make a Russell-bound bureaucrat blanch, to pen the following letter to his Sovereign:
Ma’am
Having severely reprimanded those responsible for this monstrous slight to His Royal Highness’ Corps, and having caused immediate investigations to be carried out, I now have the honour and pleasure to report as follows:
Sappers have been present at every battle and engagement conducted by the British forces against the enemies of the realm. They are therefore, without question, entitled to bear colours.
The size of the colour required, if all of the battle honours to which the Corps of Royal Engineers is entitled are to be emblazoned on it, is computed to be 24 feet by 12 feet and, to support such a colour, a staff 22 feet 3 ¼ inches long would be required (note the precision- a precaution in case the Queen checked).
It is however Ma’am, my regrettably odious duty to inform Your Majesty that, desirous as we are to accord the Corps of Royal Engineers those honours to which it is undoubtedly entitled, to do so in the normal manner is not possible. This Ma’am is because the officer required to bear this colour would have to be at least 18 feet tall and I am informed by the Commander in Chief ( at the present time the Duke of Wellington) that there exists at the present time a grave shortage of 18 foot tall officers. Indeed currently he knows of none, neither can he envisage any improvement to this situation for some time to come.
Your Majesty will of course recall that your Royal Regiment of Artillery is also entitled to use the motto UBIQUE. In this regard, and in order to avoid confusion, and perchance some diminution of the lustre pertaining to the Corps selected by his Royal Highness, I would respectfully suggest that as a further mark of distinction the flowing translations of Ubique be officially prescribed for use by the Corps of Royal Engineers and the Royal Regiment of Artillery Respectively:
For your son’s Corp (note the obsequious reference to the son of the Monarch) it is recommended that the translation “Everywhere” be granted. This in one word will serve admirably to still further enhance the already matchless reputation of your Corps of Royal Engineers. For the Royal Regiment of Artillery, the translation of “All over the place” will, I think, suffice as a fair translation.
I have the honour to remain Ma’am
Your obedient servant…. Master General of the Ordnance.
You will no doubt, dear reader, having been obliged to wade your way through the overly long and convolutedly phrased letter of the Master General of the Ordnance, be longing once more for another sample of the taut phraseology so succinctly employed by our royal Sapper Officer. You shall not be disappointed. In reply, brief as ever, and in a manner befitting the mother of a Sapper Officer the Queen wrote:
Dear General,
I like it, so be it, fix it!
Victoria R.
