ok... Here it is...
Its a Long read and I'm sorry about that.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm sorry that I had to write this in a letter, but I didn't know how to sit down and tell you and I am worried about both of you over reacting. First off let me say that, I love you both and that you both are amazing parents. I have come to a decision in my life that is a huge step and that I know this is not something to take lightly, please keep in mind that I am willing to talk about it and explain my end of things but also I would like both of you to read the remainder of this letter since I cover a lot of detailed information on why I finally arrived to the decision of wanting to enlist in the Canadian Forces.
This is something that I have looked into and thought about since high school graduation. I only came to the final decision of bring this up now do to me being a huge disappointment in not achieving passing marks. I know that both of you have been extremely supportive with me going back to Mohawk for a second time and for this I'm thankful but in light of my failing marks I feel not only incredible depressed but less then adequate to move on at college. I spent countless hours working at assignments, lab reports and studying and all my effort was not worth a damn. I wanted so badly to please you dad and nothing would have made me happier then to come home and say that I passed everything. Unfortunately for me life does nothing but kick me while I'm down, so I'm at a point now where I don't want to be a burden to either of you and enlisting will not only let me move on with my life but also let you move on with yours and as the remainder of this letter will point out, my life has been nothing more then a series of unfortunate events.
As you both well know I have never been one for school, academics have always been something that I fear for a lot of reason, failing, teachers, cost, time just to name a few, plus I am not a fan of Mohawk and there business like attitude. All things given I realize that this is not the best time to inform you of this, with one semester left to go of a course that is poorly setup and I consider to be hell. I would like to take this time to point many things out; I guess it would be best to start from high school graduation. When I was close to being done high school and I had to make a choose of what I was going to do next, I did this knowing that University was not something for me, I just wasn't smart enough to be accepted nor make it through. I figured that the only options that were open to me were that of the military or college. At the time I didn't know how to bring the subject up of the military and I wasn't sure of how to find any detailed information so I put that off to the side and reluctantly looked at the college catalogs. I read through a lot of different colleges and as far as courses went I was interested in computers, I was not jumping on any band wagon, I didn't care what the market dictated all I was thinking was that I had to get an education and that I was good at and enjoyed computers as well as being interested and willing to learn more about them. In my first semester of computer I considered myself to be an eager young student in a good college with a lot to look forward to. As the course progressed, I worked hard and tried my best to keep on top of the work; yes I had a great deal of setbacks. I failed, English, Math, and a Unix class, this was most upsetting to me and I dealt with it the best way I knew how, I did push up until I couldn't feel my arms and bottled up any emotions left over. What I found most surprising was how the both of you reacted to my missed classes, and letter from the school, at least in front of me. Dad you basic said, as long as I finish the course, that there is no shame in failing anything. That was it, after that you left me along to pick up classes at night school while in full time day school nothing said. Mom you didn't say much at all you would check in to make sure everything was going well and that I was fine and that was it. To me this was all I needed to move on, a little wisdom and little helping hand, so I pressed on and picked up all my missed classes. When I graduated from computer networking, I honestly couldn't remember the last time I was as happy, not only for completing the course but for finally getting out of Mohawk and becoming an active member of the working force, so I hoped. At this point I updated my resume and started looking for work, wasting no time. I was not only more then happy being out selling myself, meeting new people and potential employers but I could wake up in the morning with pleasant thoughts, which I haven't been able to do for along time. I graduated in the beginning of February 2003 and a approximately a couple week after that I heard nothing but, â Å“Why not go back to school and take something in the trades, you'll always have work.â ? Every day this subject came up and every day that I waited for a phone call from a resume I passed out, just so I could have good news to tell you when you came home from work. I waited and nothing happed, I passed more out and waited only to keep hearing the same thing, â Å“Why not go back to school, and become an electrician like your dad.â ? The more I heard this, the more I realized that you were right, I wasn't going to get a well paying job in the field that I enjoyed, that the only thing left for me to do was to bring up the military but again the words were not there and the background information was still being compiled. So I sat in my room and became extremely depressed, thinking back there was more to that bout of depression then just thinking of heading back to that damn college. It was a combination of everything that happened or didn't happen to that point. Things like taking 3 years to do a 2-year course, not finding a job which allowed me to move on with my life, being 23 and not having a girlfriend at any point in my life, being 23 and still being supported by my parents and a big one was trying out for the Binbrook volunteer fire department, twice and both time not getting past the first stage. I personally found that hard to take, Dan and I worked together reading what ever we could find and studying everything we found again I worked hard and failed, I guess I should have learned my lesson but I tried again. Studying and working with Dan, this time knowing what kind of question will show up, and again failed. Once again there I was looking at the damn college catalogs, this was something that I didn't what to do but I didn't see much of a chose. The both of you were completely supportive, to which I am grateful for. I was in a unique situation where I was able to continue my education, live with my parents, and be 100% supported by my parents, and not every person has that kind of opportunity. Along with this opportunity came a lot of responsibility to which I took on with a both mind and body, unfortunately the body was weak, out shape and the mind was tired as well as burned out. I knew this was no excuse so I pressed on taking this opportunity, hoping for a new and better experience at Mohawk. Again was this something that I wanted to do? Yes and no a complicated answer for a simply question. Every day dad you brought the subject up of becoming an electrician, and tried explaining to me how it would be in my best interest, while you and mom were still working and I had no bills or commitments. You spoke about it with such enthusiasm and I pay attention to what you said and it made sense. When I tried rationalizing it, I came up with three things. One was the fact that I had the opportunity; the second was that it was only another two-year course, and the third was that I have been working with and around hydro from a young age so how hard can it be. So I did it, I was not happy about it, at all, but you were dad, which took some of my miserable-ness away but ultimately I was the one who had to sit in the classes and do all stupid and pointless work. This brings us to the somewhat present times of the first semester Electro Tech course. When I start the course I fixed my attitude and went in with a smile and thinking positively, that lasted till about the end of the first semester when the big upset came, I once again failed math. Was I surprised, no but for some strange reason you were dad and you did nothing but give me a hard time at it. I passed everything I even had an A and A+ in that semester, I was happy about that but it didn't seem to madder to you, you were stuck on the damn math. That's when my eyes opened and realized that this was going to be extremely exhausting not only at school but also at home. I really didn't know what to think of you dad when never we went out somewhere, ham radio places or you meet someone you knew, it went two ways the introduction of this is my son Darrell he's going to Mohawk studying to be an electrician like his dad, said with a smile, and the unforgettable reply to the question of, 41years way are not retired? I still have a son in school. I'm not only your hopeful electrician but also your unfortunate excuse for not living your life. Everyday the pressure gets me, now and then for the past two semesters at lest, I'll wake up and wonder how fast I would have to drive the car over the escarpment to break through he guard rails. I do not like thinking these things but I also hate disappointing you and mom by once again failing and having you put everything in your lives on hold just because your son is a dumb ass. You shouldn't have to put up with me nor support me when I'm 23years old and already have been through college once, even I know your only supposed to get one kick at the can. Dad if you want to retire go for it, you have paid your dues twice over and I don't want to keep you from anything, same with you mom. I know one of the things both of you have told me over the years, is that you want to see Christine and myself succeed. Christine is on her way to becoming a teacher and she hasn't had an easy go but I have been at Mohawk five years straight with no end till 2006, maybe.
This letter is how I truly feel and I know that both of you have put a lot of money into me going to college and I do plan on paying you back. I have not enlisted yet but I have done a lot of research and I do know the steps to take to make this happen. I also realize that it will be a lot of work once I'm there, I feel that this is what I need physical work along side with mental work and structure. I have looked at all my options and as far a military career goes I have been looking at Electrical Line Technician 052. Once I do enlist, I still have testing to do which means that nothing is in stone but I do want both of you to know how I feel, that this has in no way anything to do with either of you, and I am truly sorry.
I do except that there is a lot going through your minds at this point and that both of you would have a lot of questions and concerns. I have enclosed just some of the research I have done in hopes that this will answer some of your questions. Once both of you have gathered your thoughts and have settled down. I am open to any discussion and any options that you see open but once people start to argue, I'm no longer listening. Remember that this is not easy for me either; I'm the one who end ups going through what ever the final decisions is.
With Love,
