Abuse of Authority within a Relationship

[mariomike]

I had to deal with a 'wife-swapping' free sex group in a unit,

I haven't heard it called "wife swapping" or "key party" much since the '70's. 
I think it's called "swinging" now.

 

[aesop081]

AND the supervisor is in your immediate Chain of Command

Stop indeed. The Op said that the "WO" had knowledge of his wife's schedule/whereabouts. The OP never said that this "WO" was in his or her CoC.

 

[vonGarvin]

All of us sitting by the computer have no knowledge of all the particulars of the event.  That said, information is power, and no, we aren't the ones needing information: your superiors do.  Bring this up to your superiors.  If you cannot do so, speak to a padre.  They do more than religious services, they also do social.  If there is the possibility of "shenanigans", then an investigation may be ordered.  If the investigation reveals probable service offence, then charges "may" be laid.  Which section of the NDA?  I don't know: the investigation would reveal that.

Now, if the person to whom you refer was not subject to the code of service discipline during the time of the alleged "shenanigans", then there is nothing that can be done per se.  Of course, if elements of a service offence are found to have occured when said person was subject to the code, then there could, hypothetically, be grounds for a charge laying authority to lay charges.

All that to say: talk to someone.

 

[armyvern]

Stop indeed. The Op said that the "WO" had knowledge of his wife's schedule/whereabouts. The OP never said that this "WO" was in his or her CoC.

That's EXACTLY why that sentence was preceeded by the word IF.

Simply put, "If the incident is factual AND the supervisor is in your immediate CoC ..."

 

[Eye In The Sky]

Although I am *not* a Supervising Instructor Corporal  :blotto: I still have a feeling that this might be a Res Frce mbr(s).  Still waiting in the OP to confirm if he can...

 

[InkerThinker]

Wow, Thank you all for your replies...

All Three (3) of us are in the Reserves (Class B over 180) and we all work under the same 'general' command structure...of a Reg F unit...

About the Easter Bunny signing off... yeah... he seems pretty teflon if you'd ask me.

As for my spouse saying that the events happened... the "WO" is saying that nothing has happened and that my wife is full of shit.
(yet I have proof beyond a doubt that the relationship had occured... (discusting philthy proof...) She has told me things and showed me things that only he would of known and done... Don't question whether it happened... I already know that it did... but the fact that the "WO" is sticking to his guns makes my poisoned working environment turn on me...

the CoC issue the "WO" is not in mine... he is in hers... and is privy to my schedule/whereabouts...etc...

 

[gcclarke]

the CoC issue the "WO" is not in mine... he is in hers... and is privy to my schedule/whereabouts...etc...

Now that just opens a whole 'nother can of worms. Yeah, I highly suggest you bring this issue up with a Padre. As well, retain whatever proof it is that you have.

 

[Kat Stevens]

Now that just opens a whole 'nother can of worms. Yeah, I highly suggest you bring this issue up with a Padre. As well, retain whatever proof it is that you have.

And get a lawyer, a real smilin' shark.

 

[theoldyoungguy]

My ex wife cheated on me while I was in Afghansitan. Rumours have circulated that she also did it with other soldiers. I have no proof of this however it does not matter as we are now in the divorce process and have been apart for over a year.

So coming from experience, go to a Padre ASAP, if you havnt already. They will best be able to guide you on this issue. From personal experience, they get sh*t done. Get a lawyer. This is your own decision to make, but once a cheater always a cheater in my books. Get that lawyer, if there good, because of her adultery, she should get the short end of the stick.

You don't deserve that at all. You sound like an honest decent guy, and judging by your reaction to this you are. You can do better than this wh*re. Trust me, again from experience, you will find better and be way happier than if you try to work things out with her. Keep in mind it takes two to tango. He may be a complete douchebag, but she played just as much of a part in this as him. If it wasn't for her this wouldn't have happened. DO NOT forget that. Get rid of her and find better for yourself. You deserve it.

 

[Kat Stevens]

My ex wife cheated on me while I was in Afghansitan. Rumours have circulated that she also did it with other soldiers. I have no proof of this however it does not matter as we are now in the divorce process and have been apart for over a year.

So coming from experience, go to a Padre ASAP, if you havnt already. They will best be able to guide you on this issue. From personal experience, they get sh*t done. Get a lawyer. This is your own decision to make, but once a cheater always a cheater in my books. Get that lawyer, if there good, because of her adultery, she should get the short end of the stick.

You don't deserve that at all. You sound like an honest decent guy, and judging by your reaction to this you are. You can do better than this wh*re. Trust me, again from experience, you will find better and be way happier than if you try to work things out with her. Keep in mind it takes two to tango. He may be a complete douchebag, but she played just as much of a part in this as him. If it wasn't for her this wouldn't have happened. DO NOT forget that. Get rid of her and find better for yourself. You deserve it.

Best. Post. Ever.

 

[1feral1]

Upon my return from Iraq, my now EX left me within 6 days, and cost me over $250,000 to wash her out of my life. She's someone elses nightmare now, living north of Sydney.

That was 2007.

Life rolls on, and now I always look at the glass as being half full. However the journey to where I am now was truly an uphill battle.

Welcome to the broken heart's club.

You'll heal, and meet someone better, but its time she gets her marching papers.

Good luck eh.

OWDU

 

[PMedMoe]

Don't we already have a "cheating spouse" thread?  ???

 

[medicineman]

If that was the case, there are many military member's whos actions on civvy street would land them a low rating in the ethics department. That being said, using this incident as a justification for a low ranking for AF16 wouldnt make it very far and would lead to a pretty justifiable redress.

I would agree except that for cases such as this, conduct off duty is certainly causing potential problems on duty - and it's certainly something that is unbecoming someone in a leadership position.  If these actions are common place with this person (ie this isn't just an isolated incident) and the allegations are able to be backed up, I don't see what's wrong with it going on their PER.  Anyone can redress their PER, especially if they haven't been counselled about their shortcomings and the report is a complete surprise.  My guess is this wouldn't be a complete surprise though - he knows what he's doing, just finally getting called on it.  Just my opinion of course - wouldn't be the first one redressed on me  ;D.

MM

 

[aesop081]

I would agree except that for cases such as this, conduct off duty is certainly causing potential problems on duty -

In my experience, unless someone was thrown in jail, the "conduct on and off duty" bubble is pretty much a default to "acceptable".

 

[InkerThinker]

I was NOT trying to start another cheating wives thread by any means...

I wanted to know about how the "WO"s conduct is going to be addressed (if at all)

My suspicion was Abuse of Authority or Art 129 of NDA... but how on earth do I make this person 'pay' for this...

I blame him more than I do my wife as i know how much of a lying suave d*****bag he is, and was easily led by his kind nature...  :

So enough about leaving her I've already dealt with her on my own terms and for me it's a dead issue... it's HIM i want advice about.

Thank you all for your words, I've left a message with a local padre and hopefully he'll get back to me shortly so we can talk about this.

Is there any more advice on what (if anything) the military can do to help me with this a$$.

 

[PMedMoe]

I was NOT trying to start another cheating wives thread by any means...

I wanted to know about how the "WO"s conduct is going to be addressed (if at all)

My suspicion was Abuse of Authority or Art 129 of NDA... but how on earth do I make this person 'pay' for this...

I blame him more than I do my wife as i know how much of a lying suave d*****bag he is, and was easily led by his kind nature...  :

So enough about leaving her I've already dealt with her on my own terms and for me it's a dead issue... it's HIM i want advice about.

Thank you all for your words, I've left a message with a local padre and hopefully he'll get back to me shortly so we can talk about this.

Is there any more advice on what (if anything) the military can do to help me with this a$$.

No worries, my remark wasn't directed at you.  I understand what info you were loooking for.  Sorry we couldn't help more, it seems to be a pretty "grey" area.

 

[InkerThinker]

Sorry we couldn't help more, it seems to be a pretty "grey" area.

How can I help de-'grey' the area?  ???

 

[gcclarke]

Ummm the fact that the WO is in the wife's chain of command definitely makes it a non-grey area.

 

[theoldyoungguy]

I was NOT trying to start another cheating wives thread by any means...

I wanted to know about how the "WO"s conduct is going to be addressed (if at all)

My suspicion was Abuse of Authority or Art 129 of NDA... but how on earth do I make this person 'pay' for this...

I blame him more than I do my wife as i know how much of a lying suave d*****bag he is, and was easily led by his kind nature...  :

So enough about leaving her I've already dealt with her on my own terms and for me it's a dead issue... it's HIM i want advice about.

Thank you all for your words, I've left a message with a local padre and hopefully he'll get back to me shortly so we can talk about this.

Is there any more advice on what (if anything) the military can do to help me with this a$$.

I respect your decision to not leave her, as it is ultimately your decision. But as I said, I have experience in this, and my ex wife was the "victim" in this too, he got her drunk, he took her home, he took advantage of her... ya ya ya thats bull****. If she didnt want it, it wouldnt have happened PERIOD. A good woman would see through his crap. Its up to you to decide what to do, but heed my warning, I hope im wrong, but it WILL happen again in another time and another place.

im telling you I wanted to kill this guy, thank and in the state I was in I dont know what I would have done. Thankfully I had a few awesome friends I was on tour with sort me out. Think about it, theres ALWAYS gonna be some suave douchebag, and there will ALWAYS be someone who wants to get in her pants. Its hard beleive me I know. But when your on EX shes gonna be the one making the decisions, not you. She has just proven she is a poor decision maker and cannot be trusted. Cut your losses, take your licks. You'll be thankful for it later.

 

[vonGarvin]

Ignore the advice on the particulars of your situation that you receive in this thread, other than anything that says "seek advice of your padre or chain-of-command".  Leave her, stay with her, whatever.  I don't really care.

Also remember as to what "could" happen in the hypothetical case of "shenanigans", no matter what they are, is that there are disciplinary and administrative procedures.  Both, neither, or either could happen.  There is no such thing as "double jeopardy" when it comes to that.  Suffice it to say: get info and give info: to those who need it.