Afghanistan, is it worth it- Cheating Spouse Thread
- Thread starter theoldyoungguy
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I am engaged to a proud soldier currently stationed in Kaf. I do have a concern that I would like to share. When he calls, all he tells me about is how guys are cheating on their wives, wives are cheating on their husbands, but openly. He says that the wives here in the states and the guys there, have agreed to cheating. I have seen my dad go and come back twice and I KNOW that my parents would NEVER consent to something like that. My finance' has also shared with me how many female soldiers have tried to "get with him", he says that he tells them that he is engaged and their reply is "what happens in Kaf, stays in Kaf", I sometimes wonder, should I just let him go, have his fun, and when he comes back home, and if its meant to be, we will find each other again.
Im doing my internship at Womack in NC and have no intention of cheating. He tells me all the time, that he doesnt either, but if that is the case, why would he continue to tell me the horror stories of cheating husbands and wives, To me, thats "need to know" information.
Im doing my internship at Womack in NC and have no intention of cheating. He tells me all the time, that he doesnt either, but if that is the case, why would he continue to tell me the horror stories of cheating husbands and wives, To me, thats "need to know" information.
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Well, Jennifer, I don't know what to say. It's up to you. Yes, I'm certain that people find reasons and/or excuses to stray from their commitments, no matter what they be.
Why is he telling you about what's going on? Maybe he wants you to hear it from him, instead of you hearing about the Shananigans going on over there, and then have to ask him "Why didn't you tell me?"
Maybe? Perhaps?
Why is he telling you about what's going on? Maybe he wants you to hear it from him, instead of you hearing about the Shananigans going on over there, and then have to ask him "Why didn't you tell me?"
Maybe? Perhaps?
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I am older...and single...but If its meant to be I believe it works. I have not found the ONE but if two people are menat to be GREAT - Cheating is just that. I have siblings that area all in better than 10 yeear marriages. Maybe the guy talking about all that is going on is feeling out your reaction, trying to guage your opinion on the matter. Getting permission to Cheat always makes me LAUGH. But here I am....still single.
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Technoviking said:
I'm with Techno on that one....
I would rather my S/O be aware of the reality of what is happening over there... mind you I would also be reassuring her that I have no part in it (since I find cheating to be morally reprihensible...) but yeah, better for her to know what its really like then to keep her in a fantasy world... she'll find out eventually, and i think its better to hear it from someone who cares about her, rather then the base wives at a coffee meet or whatever..
Is he Canadian, or American (I note that you are in North Carolina)?
For us, any form of sexual activity involving more than one person is strictly prohibited in theatre. It will at least result in an early return, and most likely other measures. I saw no sign of anything like this within my organization there.
Adultery is a military crime in the US Armed Forces. I am sure that it happens, but there is an obvious risk.
Privacy is a challenge over there as well. Not insurmountable to the determined, but getting caught can have serious consequences.
For us, any form of sexual activity involving more than one person is strictly prohibited in theatre. It will at least result in an early return, and most likely other measures. I saw no sign of anything like this within my organization there.
Adultery is a military crime in the US Armed Forces. I am sure that it happens, but there is an obvious risk.
Privacy is a challenge over there as well. Not insurmountable to the determined, but getting caught can have serious consequences.
Eye In The Sky
Army.ca Legend
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jessica21 said:
It could be that he is venting, being honest and hoping to hear you say "thats horrible!" all in one. Kills lots of birds with one stone.
I am newly married (last summer) and about to go away for 6-7 months and I've been pretty open and honest with Mrs EITS about what goes on with 'some' people when they are away from home. Why? Simple. Why wouldn't I be honest with my wife? She already decided I wasn't that kind of guy (which I am not, thats what Marriage Maintenance Weekends are for) or she wouldn't have married me, and vice-versa.
Its not what a person does that makes them a cheating kind. Its what kind of person they are. A soldier that cheats cheats because he/she is a cheater, not a soldier. If they were a banker who travels to different cities for work, they would be doing the same thing. IMO.
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Eye In The Sky said:
Saw this regularly when I worked night security at a Business class hotel in downtown Toronto.... man was there a lot of infidelity... and escorts.... and street hookers.... I felt dirty just being there......
I fully agree with EITS. its the person.
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jessica21 said:
Funny name your doing your internship with. Reminds me of my own.
Anyhow I got a kick out of your other half's comments. That is not just restricted to KAF. I find people who call up guy or girl and comment on the antics of others tend to fall into one of 3 catagories. The first being, Naive gossip. These people try to settle your fears by proving how good of a boy/girl they are. Since so and so is hooking up with........ but not them no sir, they are remaining faithfull............... Meanwhile the wives/hubby network starts to get rhumour or gossip about thier spouses who were mentioned by said naive person and the unproven inuendo begins.
The next type of person puts a twist on it. They are involved in it but go full denial and say everyone else is but not them. They are remaining faithfull. So let me tell you about so and so in order to hide what I am doing.
Both these types do nothing to ease the fears of others. More often then not they also implicate fully inocent people. But hey thier bumm is covered. even if the person left behind no longer has a warm fuzzy feeling anymore.
The third type is one who will not volunteer information but will answer your questions if you bring it up. Or they will include it in a online or snail mail musing that has them just venting about what is going on over there. In this case take what they say with a grain of salt as they are just trying to show you what a slice of thier life is over there.
In any of these cases you either trust your person or you do not. Do not pass on what he says to you as he/she can either be wrong or more importently it is not really any of your business.
By the by I am not saying your other half is covering his butt. How ever the saying goes
"me-thinks he doth protest too much"
Altair
Army.ca Veteran
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while my case is nowhere near as serious as most here, i feel it would be best shared here rather than create a whole new thread
i was with my girlfriend for a year or so, during which i explained my intention to join the military in the near future. she supported me in this, knowing it was something i wanted to do.
but as the process proceeded from my CFAT , medical and interview she seemed less happy, stopped sharing my enthusiasm.
i finally get the call offering me a position and she disappears. a today i get the inevitable call with her saying she's too young for this( we're both early 20s) and she can't be with someone who has a expiry date, and that she has moved on and she intends to find other men. maturely handled by both of us, although a it came as a bit of a shock for me.
my first taste of military relationships, a sour one to say the least. so my question, after experiencing this and reading the stories here, are they all this hard? should i expect this kind of thing moving forward?
i was with my girlfriend for a year or so, during which i explained my intention to join the military in the near future. she supported me in this, knowing it was something i wanted to do.
but as the process proceeded from my CFAT , medical and interview she seemed less happy, stopped sharing my enthusiasm.
i finally get the call offering me a position and she disappears. a today i get the inevitable call with her saying she's too young for this( we're both early 20s) and she can't be with someone who has a expiry date, and that she has moved on and she intends to find other men. maturely handled by both of us, although a it came as a bit of a shock for me.
my first taste of military relationships, a sour one to say the least. so my question, after experiencing this and reading the stories here, are they all this hard? should i expect this kind of thing moving forward?
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Well "Altair", considering the vast number of reasons on Civy Street for getting dumped or a Dear John Letter.
ie; your too fat, you don;t make enough money, you have bad breath, you don't have a nice car, its too far by bus to your house, I don't like your family, your brother asked me to marry him, we're just not compatible, its not you, I'm just not into you and on and on.
I wouldn't be too concerned or worrying about future relationships, because you're gonna meet the right person who doesn't give a Damn about any of the above. For those who do, its their choice and their loss.
So just sit back and enjoy the ride and pursue your Career and Dream.
Cheers.
ie; your too fat, you don;t make enough money, you have bad breath, you don't have a nice car, its too far by bus to your house, I don't like your family, your brother asked me to marry him, we're just not compatible, its not you, I'm just not into you and on and on.
I wouldn't be too concerned or worrying about future relationships, because you're gonna meet the right person who doesn't give a Damn about any of the above. For those who do, its their choice and their loss.
So just sit back and enjoy the ride and pursue your Career and Dream.
Cheers.
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Altair
Perhaps you have given her a bit too much credit on the maturity level. "Expiry Date"? I guess she may be in for a bit of a shock should her next BF be hit by a bus crossing the street, or some other tragic event that could happen to anyone. If that is her concern, then perhaps she will never have a BF, unless it is one who is so paranoid that they never leave their home, in which all the walls are padded to prevent any form of injury.
There is a lot of good advice in this topic, and lots of examples of other people in similar situations. As many have posted before, there are some exceptional people out there who are very supportive of their military spouse and perhaps you will be lucky enough to enter into such a relationship.
Perhaps you have given her a bit too much credit on the maturity level. "Expiry Date"? I guess she may be in for a bit of a shock should her next BF be hit by a bus crossing the street, or some other tragic event that could happen to anyone. If that is her concern, then perhaps she will never have a BF, unless it is one who is so paranoid that they never leave their home, in which all the walls are padded to prevent any form of injury.
There is a lot of good advice in this topic, and lots of examples of other people in similar situations. As many have posted before, there are some exceptional people out there who are very supportive of their military spouse and perhaps you will be lucky enough to enter into such a relationship.
ballz
Army.ca Veteran
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George Wallace said:
Who will undoubtedly die at the age of 35 from his own fat body slowly squeezing his heart into peanut. She better hurry up and find him before he expires!
I've yet to meet somebody, besides perhaps my 90 yr old great grandmother, who doesn't have an expiry date.
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jessica21 said:
Wow, during my time in Baghdad our Combat Team of 110 pers had two females, both MPs, and kept in another location within the city, and not with the main body at our FOB.
In Australia, women are not allowed to be in Combat Arms Units. We were a force mainly of Paras and Armoured Recce. All blokes.
That being said there was not that many US females even within the FOB, Union III (AL Tahweed) (US forces were mainly Arty, Armd and Mech Inf). BIAP did have an abundance of females as did 10 and 28 CSH in the city.
At the time I really had no desire to cheat, nor did really anyone go out and about to score a root. I guess Afghanistan and Iraq are different in more ways than one.
OWDU
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