Getting separated need help with paperwork?

[misratah500]

Hey,

So my common law fiance has decided to leave me. We broke up October 21st while I was on deployment and I've had to come home to deal with it, but we still live together till she can find a place. I know that's messed up but I didn't want to put her out in the cold so to speak. She will be gone in January. Now I need help drawing up a separation agreement.

She said she doesn't want any part of my pension, savings accounts, or spousal support from me. Were also going to do 50/50 child custody. I know, it's a freaking miracle. I need to get this stuff in writing and get her John Hancock on it ASAP. She said she'll sign anything I put in front of her, because taking stuff from me would undermine her sense of new found independence. Whatever!

So I talked to the padre and she was going to hook me up with people who can help with this but she never got back to me. I'm not sure what to do as I have never gone through this before and I was wondering if anyone could help me out. From personal experience or maybe a RMS clerk.

1. What military paperwork do I need.
2. Can AJAG help me out or do I get a civilian lawyer?
3. Can MFRC help out with this?
4. How do I go about protecting my pension. (Shes entitled to half of four years.)

Help me my brother's and sister's in arms. I need to look out for myself and my son before she changes her mind. I don't think she will but I'm keeping my cards close to my chest until that paperwork is done. And I want it to be water tight so some judge can't throw it out saying she was bullied into signing it or something.

I'm based out of Esquimalt so if anyone knows a good lawyer/mediator there, that would be great.

 

[medicineman]

I would go to your orderly room to get what you need initiated.  As for the legal stuff, AJAG might be able to advise, but they don't normally deal with family law issues like this.  I just left Vic, but unfortunately can't really reccomend a lawyer or mediator.  There is a guy that advertises in "The Lookout" who does family law mediation stuff, you could try there.  MFRC might be able to help with some issues, depending on the custody arrangements for the kids.  As for your pension, I'd have to say the best bet is pray she doesn't come after it.

Good Luck.

MM

 

[Jimmy_D]

Although i am not completely sure, but i have heard from some RMS clerks that they cannot touch your pension unless you have been together for a min of 10 yrs.

 

[MJP]

Hey,

So my common law fiance has decided to leave me. We broke up October 21st while I was on deployment and I've had to come home to deal with it, but we still live together till she can find a place. I know that's messed up but I didn't want to put her out in the cold so to speak. She will be gone in January. Now I need help drawing up a separation agreement.

She said she doesn't want any part of my pension, savings accounts, or spousal support from me. Were also going to do 50/50 child custody. I know, it's a freaking miracle. I need to get this stuff in writing and get her John Hancock on it ASAP. She said she'll sign anything I put in front of her, because taking stuff from me would undermine her sense of new found independence. Whatever!

So I talked to the padre and she was going to hook me up with people who can help with this but she never got back to me. I'm not sure what to do as I have never gone through this before and I was wondering if anyone could help me out. From personal experience or maybe a RMS clerk.

1. What military paperwork do I need.
2. Can AJAG help me out or do I get a civilian lawyer?
3. Can MFRC help out with this?
4. How do I go about protecting my pension. (Shes entitled to half of four years.)

Help me my brother's and sister's in arms. I need to look out for myself and my son before she changes her mind. I don't think she will but I'm keeping my cards close to my chest until that paperwork is done. And I want it to be water tight so some judge can't throw it out saying she was bullied into signing it or something.

I'm based out of Esquimalt so if anyone knows a good lawyer/mediator there, that would be great.

Except for changing your status with your unit clerk there really isn't a role for the military in this.  Get a lawyer to draft up a separation agreement ASAP.  There are places you can get one from on the internet (http://divorceonline.ca/t/separationagreement.php) for much cheaper, but believe me a lawyer drafted one is worth the expense.  Why are you still reading this?  Get going....  :nod:

 

[aesop081]

Call the Member Assistance Program. The can set you up, and pay for, a familiy mediator that will help you draw up a separation agreement. This will save you much trouble later.

The JAG cannot help you.

 

[PMedMoe]

Do a search for local family lawyers.  If you're both in agreement, the lawyer can do the paperwork required and have you both sign it.  Then you can bring a copy of the paperwork into the OR for them to process the military side of it (e.g. benefits, etc).

When I got divorced, I did my own paperwork and only had to pay for a "filing" fee.  That was in New Brunswick.  Things may be different for you in B.C.

 

[MJP]

Call the Member Assistance Program. The can set you up, and pay for, a familiy mediator that will help you draw up a separation agreement. This will save you much trouble later.

Cool learn something new everyday...

They must not tell the combat arms folks to keep the payments down 

 

[aesop081]

Cool learn something new everyday...

They must not tell the combat arms folks to keep the payments down 

I was still a combat engineer in Gagetown when i did this. Saved me a ton of trouble when i got divorced. The separation agreement that was drafted became the basis of the divorce judgement.

 

[Occam]

AJAG will not get involved in any way, shape or form with domestic situations.

1.  You filled out a statutory declaration in order to have the relationship recognized; there will be a statutory declaration to complete to have it ceased to be recognized.  Bear in mind that this only carries weight with regard to CF benefits.  Don't do anything stupid like cease PSHCP, dental, or insurance coverage until you've got a signed divorce agreement which says you can.

2.  You'll need a civilian lawyer or mediator.  Like CDN Aviator said, CF Member Assistance Program may be able to help out in that regard on the mediator front.

3.  The MFRC may be able to point you to a civilian lawyer or mediator, but that's about all you can get from them.

4.  The only way you'll protect your pension is to get a signed, sealed divorce agreement in which she waives her rights under the Pension Benefits Division Act.  Until she waives rights to it, half of it is hers.

 

[Michael OLeary]

In addition to the advice above, get to the Orderly Room as soon as possible. Change your will, your NOK info and your Memorial Cross recipient selections.

 

[Old and Tired]

Hi there.  First of all, my husband has logged me in to answer your question.  I'm an RMS clerk at my unit.  I'm so sorry for what's happened, and I hope I can help you out.  The first thing you need to do is get your ass to your orderly room.  Remove your soon to be ex from your PEN form as your next of kin, and off your SDB as the beneficiary.  Then you can get your separation agreement from your lawyer.  Bring the agreement to your OR so they can take a copy and enter you as Separated in HRMS.  Your separation agreement should include all details of payments expected or your pension.  The AJAG can't help, but any civvy lawyer can do up a separation agreement.  Good on you for thinking of the MFRC.  I'm also our unit Family Rep, and the MFRC has a ton of resources that can help, including padres, social workers, and other professionals.  Your orderly room can tell you step by step what other docs they need, if I've missed anything.  Best of luck to you!

 

[misratah500]

The member assistance people said they can only offer counselling not legal help. They couldn't even refer me to a lawyer. But I got some 1800 number for 3 hrs of free legal advice so I'm going to use that.

As was mentioned earlier. I have to do up a seperate waiver to protect my pension apart from the seperation agreement?

 

[Occam]

No, there's no separate waiver, it's incorporated into the divorce judgement.

 

[aesop081]

The member assistance people said they can only offer counselling not legal help.

I know, that is what i said to you. A family mediator can assists you and your former spouse in drafting an agreement between the 2 of you on who gets what. Takes a big stress away and doesn't cost you like a lawyer would.

 

[jeffb]

Do not try and do the divorce on your own. When kids are in the picture you want to be 100% sure that you are covering your obligations and that there are no legal issues unresolved. Your pension is one thing but the financial and emotional implications of getting the custody agreement wrong can be much larger. I am sure many people here have seen all kinds of examples of custody agreements going south. I for one have a friend who had an unofficial custody agreement with his ex, a new guy comes on the scene and all of a sudden they are in another custody fight. It's great that she wants joint custody, if that's what you want, but it is much better to spend a little more money now, hire a lawyer and do this right then fight it out years from now while you are deployed somewhere.

 

[misratah500]

I have just contacted a lawyer who is an ex Lt Col. JAG. So I think I'm good to go. I have retained his services and I will be meeting him for free consultation on Friday morning.

He said that I do this on my own, and that we have to advice her to seek legal counsell or else the agreement could be overturned in court because she didn't seek help.

He said that the separation agreements are never 100% watertight and that a judge can turn things over if they feel its too weighted towards my direction.  So he said we need to sit down with my 2010 tax return, current pay stub and we'll draft up an agreement and present it too her.

Thanks everyone for your help. I hope this can be as painless as possible.

 

[aesop081]

I hope this can be as painless as possible.

Do yourself a favour and never say or think that again. It will be painful, even if not right away. It will be painful and you need to cover your ass at every turn.

 

[GAP]

A piece of advice.

Document everything, I mean EVERYTHING! Good, bad, unkn....what she said, what you said, what she did, what you did. you will not remember these things when accusations come your way....this way, on Dec x, xxxx you said xxxxxxx.....

There are thousands out there that wish they had.

Guys tend to be generous and figure everything will work out. Few women end up thinking that way, despite what they say at the start.

Protect yourself.

 

[PMedMoe]

Good advice, for the most part......

Guys tend to be generous and figure everything will work out. Few women end up thinking that way, despite what they say at the start.

Tell that to the woman who left the guy with everything, didn't go after his pension or CPP points and pays child support.  Not every woman is out to get her ex-spouse. 

 

[GAP]

Tell that to the woman who left the guy with everything, didn't go after his pension or CPP points and pays child support.  Not every woman is out to get her ex-spouse. 

I agree 100%......there are some adults, both male & female out there that can have a rational discussion and come to logical conclusions regarding a marriage breakup, and I applaude them.

Conversely, I have seen a whole wack of separations/divorces that started out on a level playing field and go south in a big way. For the most part, I've noticed the woman becoming bitter and vindictive for little reason that I could see.......but, and this is a big BUT......I didn't get to see both sides of it.

:2c: