How to deal

[Muir]

Ok, so here’s the thing. There are some people in my corps that drive me insane. (Not naming any names). When I have to be around them I just become a complete b*tch and want to beat the crap out of them. So I spend a lot of nights either punching walls or biting my lip to pieces to try and stop myself.

These are the people who don’t seem to know what they are doing and don’t seem to realize how a cadet is supposed to act. They are the one’s that are constantly being yelled at for moving in ranks, having bad uniforms, etc. They don’t pay attention in classes and they have no respect for higher or even equal ranks to them. They complain about other people and can’t seem to realize their own problems. They are the people who do less than half the work of everyone else and then say that tasks are really hard.

I love cadets and being there, but when it takes just one person who I can’t stand talking to me to ruin a good night, I sometimes want to run out of there screaming.

Do any of you have suggestions for how I can deal with this? I don’t need my friends to find me punching the bathroom walls again. And I definitely don’t need to end up actually punching one of these people.

I need advice and I need it soon. So if anyone has any way I can deal with it, help me. (and no, counting to ten doesn't work for me)

 

[Lerch]

Talk to your NCO's about advance promotions and you could be able to write the required material and move on away from the 'bad apples'.

Otherwise, wait, the instructors and NCO's will eventually root out the problems (or should anyway) and deal with them at a one-on-one level.

 

[Muir]

The thing is these 'bad apples' haven't been rooted out. Some of them have been in cadets for 2-3 years, in some cases even 5 years. Nothing the NCO's do seems to help. Even when our CO makes remarks about behaviour or uniforms and such they don't pay attention. The only thing that happens is they don't get promoted passed corporal.

All I want is advice on how to calm down and avoid hurting myself or others.

 

[Lerch]

Take up something like paintball or recreational shooting. Ya know, stress relief activities.

Hell, sewing even works. Be a kitslut ;D

 

[Burrows]

The thing is these 'bad apples' haven't been rooted out. Some of them have been in cadets for 2-3 years, in some cases even 5 years. Nothing the NCO's do seems to help. Even when our CO makes remarks about behaviour or uniforms and such they don't pay attention. The only thing that happens is they don't get promoted passed corporal.

All I want is advice on how to calm down and avoid hurting myself or others.

So how long have you been in cadets?

Watch the language btw.

 

[3rd Herd]

Welcome to the "real world". You are in the process of learning a very valuable skill, how to deal with those who you would rather not. You describe a well known type of personality found both in the CF and on civi street to a "T". Do not make it bigger than it is, or punching more holes in walls. Trust me hitting a stud behind the dry wall gives a new meaning to the word pain. If you have a good relationship with one officer/CI talk to them.
Good Luck

 

[Muir]

So how long have you been in cadets?

I've only been in cadets for a year, but I joined when I was 16, I'm 17 now so I got advanced and did red and green star in the same training year, I also was never a private, I went straight to corporal. People keep saying I might make Master Corporal by Christmas, but I doubt it. I don't believe those things until they are comming from my CO's mouth.

Welcome to the "real world". You are in the process of learning a very valuable skill, how to deal with those who you would rather not. You describe a well known type of personality found both in the CF and on civi street to a "T". Do not make it bigger than it is, or punching more holes in walls. Trust me hitting a stud behind the dry wall gives a new meaning to the word pain. If you have a good relationship with one officer/CI talk to them.
Good Luck

I don't have to worry about punching through a wall. The washrooms where we parade have those big brick block walls.

 

[Lerch]

Either way, dumb people are just another part of life. If you don't learn to put up with their crap now, you'll just have to do it later.

 

[primer]

I've only been in cadets for a year, but I joined when I was 16, I'm 17 now so I got advanced and did red and green star in the same training year, I also was never a private, I went straight to corporal. People keep saying I might make Master Corporal by Christmas, but I doubt it. I don't believe those things until they are comming from my CO's mouth.

I don't have to worry about punching through a wall. The washrooms where we parade have those big brick block walls.

Well I have seen this before. Older cadets join with younger cadets. Joining at the age of 16 you had to understand your more mature then the little ones. Punching walls is not the way to go either. If your under to much stress with the cadet movement join the P-Res

 

[andpro]

You will always come across these types of people whether it be in civi streets or in the military, all you have to do is ignore them. As my father once eloquently put it; these people are poop (not quite the vocabulary he used) deflectors, and they end up making you look better. I can see the worry that they will bring the corps standard down, but there is nothing you can do, its up to your senior cadets and CIC officers (or whom ever else maybe in a position of authority) to deal with. Punching walls is not how a cadet is supposed to act either, especially one who is looking to get promoted to master corporal soon. Good luck

 

[SupersonicMax]

but there is nothing you can do, its up to your senior cadets and CIC officers (or whom ever else maybe in a position of authority) to deal with.

What a great way to deal with a problem.... "Oh well, others will deal with it.  I don't have to do this..."

Max

 

[Trinity]

You can't stop yourself from being angry but you can choose
on how you wish to react to that anger.

You can do something productive or something unproductive (like punching walls)

By recognizing your anger you greatly reduce on acting upon it (punching walls).
When you recognize your emotion it allows you the opportunity not to act through
it and find other ways to relieve it such as talking to a CI.  Also, as others as pointed
out these people will always be that way... you can choose how you want to be.

It's a matter of finding the appropriate outlet for your emotion (whatever it is in whatever situation)
as opposed to letting it eat you up. 

Unfortunately... I don't have that answer for you.  I don't know a good way for YOU
to unload your frustration of the situation that fits you best... but punching walls
and keeping it inside is not a good way of anger/stress management.  Your CI is
a fantastic idea or Senior NCO's who can listen to you.  Usually venting helps incredibly
and allows you to see a larger picture with feedback from others. 

Others with cadet experience can tell you ways they found to cope upon recognizing
when they are overcome with emotion in these situations.

 

[andpro]

What a great way to deal with a problem.... "Oh well, others will deal with it.  I don't have to do this..."

Max

I didn't tell her to pass the buck, I was merely stating that she is not in a position of enough authorityto deal with it. I am sorry that you misunderstood, I thought I was pretty straightforward.

 

[spud]

I didn't tell her to pass the buck, I was merely stating that she is not in a position of enough authorityto deal with it. I am sorry that you misunderstood, I thought I was pretty straightforward.

I always feel like a jerk when I take this position, however:

Is authority to deal with it even an issue here? A young cadet so mad at other cadets they are punching the walls and ready hit another cadet? It doesn't sound like a cadet problem as much as it sounds like a coping problem.

I would say 1.) really take heed of the advice in Trinity's posting, read it several times, I know I did........and/or 2.) get out of cadets with your sanity before you do something you will really regret.

I do hope things work out for you.

potato

 

[Trinity]

I would say 1.) really take heed of the advice in Trinity's posting, read it several times, I know I did.

Be afraid.. people agree with me.

The key to ANY situation in life is to ALWAYS recognize your emotions.
If we don't recognize our emotion (whatever it is) our actions will be as
a result of the emotion.  By recognizing your emotion you then allow yourself
the chance to control your actions.  It's a really cool but simple thing to do.

It... does take practice and talking to someone after events/things happen
to help solidify the skill.  Hence.. the talking to a CI or anyone about how
you FEEL.  Feelings are the key.

I feel like a traitor to the male species because I can now talk feelings.
HOWEVER.. the girls LOVE it!

 

[andpro]

Look everybody Trinity has feelings!!!!! 

Seriously though Trinity makes an excellent point, follow his advice.

 

[Zell_Dietrich]

As much as it frightens me to say it,  I think that Trinity is bang on with his advice.  Learning how to take your healthy feelings of anger and annoyance and turn it into something positive would be a good thing. I think that the first step in doing that is to recognize where your feelings are coming from.

From my own experience I've learned that when I'm really really angry with someone/thing it is because I see them as threatening something that I care about. For example the smelly person on the subway is annoying but It doesn't anger me.  However if a convicted sexual child predator moved down the street from me I'd be enraged before ever seeing him/her. The difference being that there is a threat to something I care about. 

It has been pointed out that their unprofessional conduct can easily be to your advantage.  They take all the heat in the inspection while you come out looking great. I know I've gotten through an inspection or two with no hassles because the instructor had to deal with guys who were far worse. You will be promoted above them instead of having to wait for them to move on to open up a position for you. May I ask what harm you seem them doing in being so sloppy?  Do you see them as being harmful or potentially harmful to something you care about?

Although,  it could be that they are just "big stupid heads".  :warstory:

On a side note,  if you are promoted to MCpl,  I'd encourage you to show restraint.  I'm sure your superiors are aware of the shortcomings and already have an idea of how they want you to deal with them. I've seen in civi-world newly promoted people get fired within their first month because they use their new authority to make things as they think they should be before they check with their boss.

 

[primer]

Be afraid.. people agree with me.

The key to ANY situation in life is to ALWAYS recognize your emotions.
If we don't recognize our emotion (whatever it is) our actions will be as
a result of the emotion.  By recognizing your emotion you then allow yourself
the chance to control your actions.  It's a really cool but simple thing to do.

It... does take practice and talking to someone after events/things happen
to help solidify the skill.  Hence.. the talking to a CI or anyone about how
you FEEL.  Feelings are the key.

I feel like a traitor to the male species because I can now talk feelings.
HOWEVER.. the girls LOVE it!

You must have learned all this form your Tour in Blackdown  with the God Squad 

still helping them I see, give them a frezzie

 

[Trinity]

You must have learned all this form your Tour in Blackdown  with the God Squad 

If by tour.. you mean eternity!! :

Actually.. I learned it from placement at Sunnybrook Hospital

 

[Oli]

... lead by example

way back .... 1980 I was a cpl. callout in Ipperwash out on the range. I was 17 at the time and my Capt. was about 55. We would all sit together and have a smoke break. Us callouts would just throw our butts away but not the Capt. he would field strip his and then ...  he would pick up our butts and field strip them. He did not say anything to us nor did his way of speaking or joking around with us change. Within 3 days we started to field strip ours butts when we went for a smoke break. Within a week I was field stripping all my butts. When I came back after the summer I  picked up any litter or butts other cadets threw down. I was a CWO at the time so you can imagine the kind of looks I got.

Our unit would go into the deep forests of Quebec and fire an old Bren Gun. This fully automatic WWII maschine gun is about the coolest thing around. Only the senior NCOs would get to fire the Bren and the rest of us would look on and drool. Finally as a CWO I got the chance. We had a cpl. who was busy loading the banana mags for the Bren. Several senior NCOs were before me. When it was my turn I said to the Cpl. "You loaded the mag: you fire" Leadership is also about sacrifice. Sometimes big sometimes small.

Try to understand behavior. When my kids ask me why other kids at school bully or disturb the class I ask them " how often do you think they get a hug at home" or do you think their parents tell them that they are proud of them.

Some kids may have a "bad uniform" because they do not even have an iron at home. Try to get a look behind the scene.

You have to decide

OLi  748 G.G.H.G.