How to deal

[xo31@711ret]

Good points Oli; 'the first impression is  lasting impression' I found out (the hard way) is usually a crock o' s***. As a young no hooker in 1RCR London in the early 80's (spent beaucoup time in good ol' Iperwash), I usually found that some of my supervisors who, on first meeting them were going to be great, but turned out to be a-**les; same with the other side of the coin; on the first impression had a lot of snr NCO's who on first impression tended to be old decripet a-**les; guess what? - these gentlemen usually turned out to be the most experienced, disciplined, knowledgeable soldiers I had ever had the pleasure of working for. First impressions? It's hard, but I tend to try not to let it cloud my judgement, usually because I'm wrong; tends to be a deeper story there for the individual.

-gerry

 

[Muir]

I know that there will always be those people you can't stand and that you just wish weren't there. I know this, and I know I have to learn how to deal with them. That's the whole point of this thread. Not for people to state the obvious and say that it's inevitable that I'm going to deal with people like this, but for people to post their ideas of how to deal with this sort of thing. I'll even take what seems to be the stupidest suggestions and consider them. I just need to ways to cope without exploding.

 

[Zell_Dietrich]

Well,  for me I try to picture them as a crying child who just lost a dog.  I try to remember that somebody loves them, they love somebody;  they have cried in fear, they have known loss. If after I've honestly tried to understand my role in why this person annoys me and I am blameless of projecting, if after I have done my best to see it from their point of view and show compassion and understanding.... if after all of that I still hate them... well that's when I unleash the Irish in me.  ( :threat: ) Percussive therapy, applied sufficiently swiftly can have positive effects.  - I am not advising that though... even if you could get away with it.

Other than the percussive therapy, finding really elaborate and ironic ways to punish them - fun but usually more effort than it is worth. You might try to find a neutral person to whom you can vent all of your feelings to.  Sometimes, sitting down with a neutral person in confidence and telling everything in detail is therapy enough. 

I assume you've told those who frustrate you how they make you feel?  (In a constructive way, "you guys are a bunch of waste of rations shape up or I'll stomp on your throats" while fun to say isn't likely to get the result you want) Have you mentioned to your CO that you feel frustrated by the situation? (once again in a constructive way not "You are a lame leader for allowing these children to act so unprofessionally") I like the format "When "they/you" do "thing that bugs you" I feel "how you feel" because "the reason that action affects you that way".

For example I used this to my roomate: "When you leave your dishes in the sink for four days I feel disrespected because it means that I can't use the sink and it makes for an unpleasant odder in the apartment, I do my dishes in a timely manner so I don't affect you, can I ask you to please keep the sink clear?"  As wimpy as it sounds it worked.  (I wanted to take all his dirty dishes and put them on his bed, but that wouldn't have made for the result I ultimately wanted)

Worst comes to worst,  make little dolls with their faces on it.... and hit the dolls. :warstory:

 

[Muir]

It's good advice, to go to my CO, except it didn't seem to help. The person I am having a problem with right now had two sexual harassment complaints from two different female cadets. One quit because she didn't know what to do, the other is my best friend. They all went to the CO. Instead of dealing with it, such as taking away this person's parade position, he has been given a clean slate! A f*cking clean slate! And when I asked why they did that? (these are basically the words told to me) 'It's easier not to deal with it.'

If it happens again? We can't report anything verbally. Everything must be written. Our CO won't even look into it if it's not written. So, while going to the CO is great advice normally, it doesn't work in my situation.

And yes, I have told him to screw off, in a more professional manner, of course. But this person also has no respect for those of equal rank, or even those of higher rank, so he just shrugged it off and continued to act as though he did nothing wrong.

 

[Zell_Dietrich]

Um... I wanta take back my posts now.  I didn't realise this topic was about sexual harassment,  I thought it was about goof-offs and how to deal with the annoying things they do.

If you feel a crime is being committed, (sexual harassment is a crime)  do it in paper.  If your CO is not following proper procedure there are procedures for that as well. I respect it if you want to be discreet, however there are times when pulling a Papierkrieg is the only thing to do. (Papierkrieg in the I'm filing a formal complaint and I'm setting up the situation so you will get pushed out way,  not the 'pointless paperwork' way.)

 

[Burrows]

Muir,

Talk to the UHRA.  Sexual harassment is grounds for expulsion from the cadet program.  Watch the language.

 

[rwgill]

If it happens again? We can't report anything verbally. Everything must be written. Our CO won't even look into it if it's not written.

Written complaints are, in a way, a more concrete complaint.  They CO may be covering his/her behind.

The CO is not the person to go to in any case.  You should be speaking with your UHRA (as everyone else has stated).  If you are not satisfied, you are permitted to contact your Regional UHRA.

 

[Muir]

Um... I wanta take back my posts now.  I didn't realise this topic was about sexual harassment,  I thought it was about goof-offs and how to deal with the annoying things they do.

It's about goof-offs and the people that do bad things and about getting not only annoyed at them but seriously pissed off to the point where someone could get hurt. The whole point of the thread is to deal with all sorts of people, including those that are annoying to those who are, how to put this, a shame to humanity. I'm just trying to get ideas of how to calm down, slow my heart down and avoid any serious damage to myself or others. Sad fact of life, everyone will know someone annoying, and it's more likely than not that, unfortunately, there will be those people who are sexual harassers or others such things.

And I apologize for the language. Just thinking about some things make me angry,

 

[Oli]

... but seriously pissed off to the point where someone could get hurt.

you also need to look at yourself, if you have problems controlling yourself, with these normal day to day situations at cadets: it's a sign of immaturity on your part.

Relax, take it step by step. Do your things right and lead by example. You are not here to save the world. There will always be screwups at cadets, at school, at your work place, in government and even some that are running around in uniform...   

Read:

- I'm okay, you're okay (kind of out dated now, but still informative if you aren't familiar with the topic)

- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ISBN 0-671-70863-5  " We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit "

oh yea  and Dilbert  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

 

[ryanmann356]

I'm just trying to get ideas of how to calm down, slow my heart down and avoid any serious damage to myself or others.

Dont forget the things that the staff did this summer Ms. Muir, if there are sexual harrassment related issues go straight to your UHRA, or put a complaint through to your RCSU. 
Dont forget also that some kids are in general F-UPS and cannot be dealt with on a cadet level, these kids will only learn when they get passed around like currency in Juvie.  Its just cadets and is not worth getting so angry and frustrated with these kids.  good luck