- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 430
>> THE LARK PROGRAM
>>
>> A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House
>> complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being
>> held in Guantanamo Bay .
>>
>> She received back the following reply:
>>
>> The White House
>>
>> 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
>>
> Washington , D.C. 20016
>>
>>
>> Dear Concerned Citizen,
>>
>> Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our
>> treatment of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at
>> Guantanamo Bay , Cuba Our administration takes these matters seriously
>> and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington ...
>>
>> You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of
>> citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist
>> Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for
>> Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines
>> of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your
>> personal care.
>>
>> Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for
>> transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.
>> Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
>> cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
>> letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
>> assistant caretakers.
>>
>> We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards
>> of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended
>> in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we
>> hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal
>> problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are
>> correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We
>> understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.
>>
>> Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
>> combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil
>> or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
>> skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
>> variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may
>> wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might
>> offend him.
>>
>> Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters
>> (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
>> This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
>> show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
>> dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure
>> you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.
>> Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his
>> religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
>>
>> Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks
>> like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good
>> care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
>>
>> Good luck!
>>
>> Cordially, your friend,
>>
>> GEORGE W. BUSH
>>
>>
>> A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House
>> complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being
>> held in Guantanamo Bay .
>>
>> She received back the following reply:
>>
>> The White House
>>
>> 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
>>
> Washington , D.C. 20016
>>
>>
>> Dear Concerned Citizen,
>>
>> Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our
>> treatment of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently being held at
>> Guantanamo Bay , Cuba Our administration takes these matters seriously
>> and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington ...
>>
>> You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of
>> citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist
>> Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for
>> Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines
>> of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your
>> personal care.
>>
>> Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for
>> transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.
>> Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
>> cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
>> letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some
>> assistant caretakers.
>>
>> We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards
>> of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended
>> in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we
>> hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal
>> problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are
>> correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We
>> understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.
>>
>> Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
>> combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil
>> or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
>> skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
>> variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may
>> wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might
>> offend him.
>>
>> Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters
>> (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property.
>> This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to
>> show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
>> dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure
>> you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.
>> Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his
>> religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?
>>
>> Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks
>> like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good
>> care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.
>>
>> Good luck!
>>
>> Cordially, your friend,
>>
>> GEORGE W. BUSH
>>
