I join Reg Force, Wife stays home

[Infantry_wannabe]

I have searched but haven't found any similar topics to this one. But feel free to lock it if it has been covered elsewhere or comes across as another self-indulgent "look at me" topic.

Background:

I am from BC and will be joining the infantry fairly soon. As a former reserve member, I've been telling my wife for a while now that I want to go back, but because "we" will soon be moving to an area without infantry reserve units, that will not be an option.

One day I said to her in a joking tone (though really meaning it) "Why don't I just join the Reg Force for three years and you can stay here?" After pausing for a moment, she said, to my surprise, "You know what, I think you should. It's obviously something you need to do. Why not just go?"

I should point out this was not said in a negative way, in that we would be divorcing. My wife will be going to school and trying to break into a profession in BC for the next three years or so, so she won't be able to come with me, but we have both agreed that I will go away and do what I feel that I need to do.

The plan is to sign on for three years NCM infantry. I live in Edmonton, Shilo, Petawawa, Kandahar or wherever I'm sent and she stays in BC, finishing her schooling and gaining experience in her new field, living with her family to save money. When the three year contract is up, either I get out and move to where she is or she moves to wherever I am.

I have to admit I am blessed to have someone who can understand how important this is to me. I am confident that this can be made to work, that I can serve in the way I've always wanted to, while still maintaning a relationship which is important to me. Fortunately, kids are not yet in the picture.

Questions: Have any of you tried such a thing? Can you see any "official" complications related to the army about having a spouse that does not live with you?

Regardless of the issues, we are determined to make it work and are absolutely solid in our commitment. I'm just wondering if anyone else is as crazy as us. I'll already be an unusual NCM infantry applicant as a 29 year old university graduate. I prefer to say I think outside the box, rather than that I am crazy though.

 

[Remius]

You must do what you feel is right.  (Obiwan said that once).  Seriously though, only your spouse and you truly know your relationship.  No one here can give you exact advice on this.  For some it works for others it does not.  I spent a year away from my spouse due to her work and it worked out well after.  If you both feel that this can work, that's a start.  How it will end is a different matter.  Sounds like you both have your stuff together though.

Good luck.

 

[aesop081]

Questions: Have any of you tried such a thing? Can you see any "official" complications related to the army about having a spouse that does not live with you?

just dont expect to an Infantry PTE/ CPL and be on IR because you left the wife behind.....

I'll already be an unusual NCM infantry applicant as a 29 year old university graduate.

Think again....

 

[Infantry_wannabe]

What is IR? I'm not sure what it means, though I've seen it used before. Remember, I was just a reserve Pte.  ;D

Seriously, I definitely don't expect any special treatment because of this. I know what I'm getting into and accept it gladly. I'm not the snivelling type.

 

[kincanucks]

Imposed Restriction (IR) is granted by the career manager and not to privates doing one Basic Engagement.  IR is used when service members are posted someplace where it is not feasible to bring their families due to schooling or work commitments.  It helps to alleviate the cost of paying for two households and in your case you may be doing that on your own so think carefully about your decision.

 

[HollywoodHitman]

If you're a university grad and are going to leave your family for 3 years, at least think about applying as an officer. Honestly, I wish you all the best.

HH

 

[Infantry_wannabe]

Thanks Kincanucks.

No, I'd never ask to be on IR, given my situation. It's obviously my own decision, not one forced on me, so I wouldn't expect anything like that.

We've worked out the details financially. My going away would actually mean spending less money than if we still lived together. She would be living rent free with family and has a good source of independent income (she'll probably be making more money than me actually). If we remained together, we would still be living in an apartment paying rent. I'll be making roughly the same amount of money as before and would take the cheapest accomodation available for one person, whether it's staying in shacks or whatever. Essentially, she could take care of her bills and I could take care of mine.

We've both thought pretty carefully about the decision and keep coming back to the same conclusion. Thanks for the excellent points so far though. I appreciate any thoughts you all have.

 

[Infantry_wannabe]

If you're a university grad and are going to leave your family for 3 years, at least think about applying as an officer. Honestly, I wish you all the best.

I toyed with that idea but doubt it would work for two reasons: 1) I like being an NCM because it's more hands on, which is what I'm looking for. 2) I don't think I should ask the CF to make the investment of training me to be an officer (which I'm assuming is more of an investment in money than for an NCM) and then possibly lose me after three years. Or am I off-base?

If I stay in after the initial contract I'd definitely consider it. For the moment, I'm willing to give myself to the army for three years to do with as it pleases. After that is a question mark. As far as leadership roles go though, if I were choosing between being a senior NCO and being an officer I think I'd be a better officer.

 

[IN HOC SIGNO]

I toyed with that idea but doubt it would work for two reasons: 1) I like being an NCM because it's more hands on, which is what I'm looking for. 2) I don't think I should ask the CF to make the investment of training me to be an officer (which I'm assuming is more of an investment in money than for an NCM) and then possibly lose me after three years. Or am I off-base?

If I stay in after the initial contract I'd definitely consider it. For the moment, I'm willing to give myself to the army for three years to do with as it pleases. After that is a question mark. As far as leadership roles go though, if I were choosing between being a senior NCO and being an officer I think I'd be a better officer.

There's lots of NCMs with University degrees these days...that is not unusual. Your choice is just that, one that you have to make with your eyes open. In your first year you wouldn't have been home much anyway and if you get a tour once you're trained you'll definately be away for a good chunk of time. It's tough on relationships though no matter how you slice it. Good luck and God bless. 

 

[3rd Herd]

If you're a university grad and are going to leave your family for 3 years, at least think about applying as an officer. Honestly, I wish you all the best.

HH

If all degree carrying Privates and M/Cpl became officers the army would grind to a halt. After all who do you think really does run things.

Navy families spend a lot longer split I think as their bases get rusty if they stay along side. Lots of long standing navy marriages. As to your wife she sounds like a "keeper" Good luck to you, now does " Does anyone know where the Colonel is.............................."

 

[Infantry_wannabe]

In your first year you wouldn't have been home much anyway and if you get a tour once you're trained you'll definately be away for a good chunk of time.

 
True enough. I hadn't thought of it that way.

As to your wife she sounds like a "keeper" Good luck to you, now does " Does anyone know where the Colonel is.............................."

I agree she's definitely a keeper. Thanks for saying so. I've tried to figure out the Colonel reference though, but have as yet been unsuccessful. It could mean my wife is the Colonel and I am the Pte in our marriage, but that would be dead wrong!

Or perhaps I doth protest too much.

 

[gun plumber]

There is one other way to look at this....

As a new infantry NCM,If you plan on going PPCLI,You'll be spending most of your time in Wainwright in the Training system.
PAT in Wx,like in Borden,is a long wait.Then you have your SQ course,more time on PAT,then finally your BIQ course.It is not uncommon for that whole cycle to take close to 2 yrs to complete itself,barring you don't get injured and re-coursed.
While in Wx,I belive that the PAT/SQ/BIQ soldiers are placed on a IR of sorts.When I was first sent to PAT in Borden,I was sent IR until I could secure housing.Since there are no PMQ's available to set soldiers,one could surmise that you could spend your entire time in Wx on IR and all associated benefits that come with it.
That leaves the last year of your contract to make all the arrangements for either you or your wife to rejoin each other when it comes time for you to sign again.

So,in reality,your gonna be on IR for the lion's share of your first contract anyways,allowing her to finish her education(win),you'll be doing something you want to do(win),and then maybe moving somewhere where the job market is booming(win).

 

[larry Strong]

Sounds like the 2 of you have it together. Good luck and may God be with you

 

[Greymatters]

It could mean my wife is the Colonel and I am the Pte in our marriage, but that would be dead wrong! 

Its more like one is the CO and one is the Sergeant-Major - One puts out the ideas and the other gets them done.  The problems are when both are CO's or both are SM's!

 

[Roy Harding]

Its more like one is the CO and one is the Sergeant-Major - One puts out the ideas and the other gets them done.  The problems are when both are CO's or both are SM's!

EXACTLY.  When my wife and I were serving, I was a WO, she a Cpl.  But at HOME, there was no doubt who the CO was!! (And it wasn't the WO).

That little aside being made - for the OP:

I've said it on other threads, and I'll say it again here.  The military will make a strong marriage stronger, and will utterly destroy a weak marriage.  I don't see anything wrong with your plan (no kids being involved).  My Grandfather spent four years away from his wife during WWI - many other folks spent six or more years away from their spouses during WWII (without "conjugal visits"). 

Only you can figure out if your relationship is strong enough - and your separation WILL be eased with the occasional "conjugal visit".

Whatever you decide - the best of luck to you.

Roy

 

[vonGarvin]

your separation WILL be eased with the occasional "conjugal visit".

Hopefully with your wife, too!

 

[Roy Harding]

Hopefully with your wife, too!

There is that ...

See my remarks on "strong" and "weak" marriages!!

 

[KPR]

Do what your heart tells you to do , don't be like me and regret not doing it the rest of your life. It will be a small test of your marriage , three years is a short time in a long happy marriage.

 

[Stauds]

There is one other way to look at this....

As a new infantry NCM,If you plan on going PPCLI,You'll be spending most of your time in Wainwright in the Training system.
PAT in Wx,like in Borden,is a long wait.Then you have your SQ course,more time on PAT,then finally your BIQ course.It is not uncommon for that whole cycle to take close to 2 yrs to complete itself,barring you don't get injured and re-coursed.
While in Wx,I belive that the PAT/SQ/BIQ soldiers are placed on a IR of sorts.When I was first sent to PAT in Borden,I was sent IR until I could secure housing.Since there are no PMQ's

The new training system for infantry soldiers has changed, there is no longer an SQ, BMQ is now 14 weeks and BIQ is around 16 weeks or so. It makes for much less time spent on PAT platoon. Which is a very good thing.


And to the Author, good luck with your decision!