Jokes we play on new guys

[Freight_Train]

On an Ex a couple of months ago, one of the Cpl's asked me to go grab the BFA for the Carl G.  I asked him to help me, as I knew something that big would have to be a 2 man job ;D

 

[gun plumber]

"Who here has thier 404's""
(hands shoot up as they all think thier getting a swan)
"Pte Bloggins,go get that broom and drive around the parade square"
Fell for it a few times,but just when you think your going to get suckered again,it's a real duty!

 

[aesop081]

Goes along with " who here wants a jump course ?"

 

[Gunnar]

Bloggins, go to supply and get me a can of tartan paint!

One can of tartan paint, please!  Corporal needs it right away!

Which tartan?

Hang on, I'll check....

Black Watch tartan.

Hunting or Dress?

Hang on, I'll check.....

Dress.

Oh.  We're all out of Dress Black Watch.  Will Cameron do?

 

[OatmealSavage]

Best one I ever saw.
Brit RMP SM as one of his duties was a fire marshal. Had one of the new monkeys carry around a 5lb fire ext and a sealed envelope with the instructions that the camp RSM had to sign off the readiness report contained in the envelope. This poor kid was running all over Banja Luka looking for the RSM. Finally found him, proudly stood to and handed over the note which read.
" Oi wanker, Give me 2 weeks leave or I'll let you have it with this fire ext!"

By far the best.
Best I've seen was the QM showed the guy where the hose was and gave him a jerry can and told him to fill up the water fountain. He's dumping a jerry of water down the drain and the OC wanders down the hall and asks him what he's doing. "Filling up the water fountain sir". OC just gives him a nod and walks away.

I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell them about the turret combination because if they turn the turret too many turns clockwise the turret threads will get overtightened and you will have to send them for the turret wrench to back it off.

 

[Sharpey]

I still remember, first month in and I was sent to the Radio Cage to grab a radio net. Took me all night to figure out why the guys were laughing at me.

 

[Korus]

There we are doing section duties on basic training, my section happened to be cleaning the laundry room at the time. One of the instructors asked me if I wanted some pizza, and I thought to myself "hhmm.. I'm not falling for that one", so I politley decline.

He persists. "Are you sure?" he asks.

"No thankyou, cpl" is my reply. He looks dissapointed and walks away.

When I walk back into the main area with all the bunks when I finish up my duties, what do I see? A couple troops eating slices of pizza....

 

[baraccuda112]

i have had that one dun on me and let me say it is a good prank

 

[Sharpey]

Common question I used to hear..."Who wants to drive a tank?"

Guess you got the crappy job 

 

[Steel Badger]

My personal best was sending a mate of mine to the MIR for 100 feet of fallopian tubing.......

He went, he asked....and was thrown out thru the door by the irate Airbone Regt Medic MCPL.....



Sigh....I was / am a very bad man.....

 

[Highland Lad]

Best I've done --

Buddy and I (instructing on QL2) acquired a chalk line, went out to the trg area and snapped down 3 grid intersections (accurately positioned and labeled) one morning prior to Map & Compass practical...

Never send newbies with odd requests if the QM is bored and has a sense of humour...

 

[Q 1]

  -m-72 cleaning kit
  -can of plaid paint
  -the right hand tires are on the left and the left hand are on the right, switch them.
  -tank knitting needles and some steel wool
  -jerry can washers
  -can of halogen fluid
  -left hand rifle scope
 

  AND.. of course for s--t job's :
                     
                        who likes motorbikes!
                        who wants a jump course!
                        who likes ice cream!
                       

 

[my72jeep]

   -the right hand tires are on the left and the left hand are on the right, switch them.

                         

You never worked on a iltis with the old style tires on it did you. they were derectional tires and you hoped the flat was the same as your spare if not it got loud.

 

[aesop081]

You never worked on a iltis with the old style tires on it did you. they were derectional tires and you hoped the flat was the same as your spare if not it got loud.

HLVWs were the same...directional threads !

 

[purple peguin]

who likes fast cars? who wants a timmies coffie?  ;D

 

[q_1966]

      AND.. of course for s--t job's :
             who likes ice cream!
                         

Thats the oldest saying, but gets all the new Cadets everytime, screw em up when they get the hang of it by offering icecream and actually giving them some

 

[D-n-A]

Can you get me the tactical red filter for the coleman lantern?