Jokes we play on new guys

[X Royal]

Just after getting in the battalion on a fri. morning I was sent for a BFA for a 9mm Browning pistol   with the instructions not to return without it. The AWOL charge would have been a prick after they found me in the Jr's on Mon. evening. Thank god for so many witnesses. The pay backs were a b*tch though.

Sh*t Happens

 

[bossi]

"A bucket of Regimental tartan paint".

 

[the 48th regulator]

three man lifts

that's all I will say

dileas

tess

 

[MikeM]

Ahh the old 3 man lift...

We did a 5 man not too long ago...

 

[Jungle]

Pre-pumped naphta... makes things much easier in the Arctic !!!

 

[qor556]

Ahh the old 3 man lift...

We did a 5 man not too long ago...

Yea that was pretty brutal. Further supports the statement "never volunteer for ANYTHING"  :dontpanic:

 

[Heatwave]

Ahhh yessss!  Buckets of steam...A bucket of camouflage paint...Changing the winter air for the summer air in the truck tires...fetching 100 feet of hanger line from Supply...trying to find a water hammer so we could work on piping...retrieve the keys for the Anchor Pocket Door...One of these I actually fell for :-\  Oh well, all in good fun, especially when you get to return the favour >

Chimo!

 

[Pugnacious]

I'm almost afraid to ask what the 3 man lift is.

Cheers!
P.

 

[Poppa]

Best one I ever saw.
Brit RMP SM as one of his duties was a fire marshal. Had one of the new monkeys carry around a 5lb fire ext and a sealed envelope with the instructions that the camp RSM had to sign off the readiness report contained in the envelope. This poor kid was running all over Banja Luka looking for the RSM. Finally found him, proudly stood to and handed over the note which read.
" Oi wanker, Give me 2 weeks leave or I'll let you have it with this fire ext!"

Poor kid.

 

[leopard11]

Ahhh yessss!   Buckets of steam...A bucket of camouflage paint...Changing the winter air for the summer air in the truck tires...fetching 100 feet of hanger line from Supply...trying to find a water hammer so we could work on piping...retrieve the keys for the Anchor Pocket Door...One of these I actually fell for :-\   Oh well, all in good fun, especially when you get to return the favour >

ah the bucket of steam seems to be getting around, havent heard it in the army yet, but in my brief 3 months at mcdonalds heard it many times, all the new guys were told to do some odd jobs: Getting a bucket of steam from the freezer, counting the seeds on the buns to ensure there were enuf, quality testing the onions by eating alot of them, sorting the loose pickels, filling up the ketchup dispensers with individual ketchup packages, of course no one ever let anyone get to the point of actually doing them since it was food, but the look on peoples face was priceless, i was only had once, the bagel got stuck in the rotary toaster and the bagel caught fire, i quickly asked what to do , and was told to blow on it (now blowing into a gigantic oven does very little) so there i am blowing into this toaster until somebody handed me the poking stick....how dumb i felt....

 

[48Highlander]

I'm almost afraid to ask what the 3 man lift is.

    Well it's probably better not to discuss it in the forums.  If you're really interested send me a private message and I'll explain.

Best one I ever saw.
Brit RMP SM as one of his duties was a fire marshal. Had one of the new monkeys carry around a 5lb fire ext and a sealed envelope with the instructions that the camp RSM had to sign off the readiness report contained in the envelope. This poor kid was running all over Banja Luka looking for the RSM. Finally found him, proudly stood to and handed over the note which read.
" Oi wanker, Give me 2 weeks leave or I'll let you have it with this fire ext!"

    That is without a doubt THE best one I've ever come across ;D  The mental-picture it generates is just beautiful.

 

[PeterLT]

These are two of my favorite jokes I had the pleasure to administer to new guys. The nicest, if it's well organized is to send the lad to Regimental Maintenance to fetch a Eustachian Tube for an APC (the left one) 5307-00-120-7734. And of course the checklist for a 10K Generator requires a can of Sparks. How else can it be started?

Peter ;D

 

[eliteboris]

Told this new guy he needed to maintain the turret ring of the cougar. To achieve that he had to unlock the turret by turing it 100 times to the left. On foot patrols i have also told a new guy to march out 100 meters till he hits the grid line. Another one was i told this guy to ask teh QM for a bucket of D.R.I.V.E. because he was lacking in it. All good times. Then there is the ones i should not even mention on the forums.

 

[George Wallace]

There is the story of the Inf Officer teaching a lecture on the Eryx system, when he got frustrated at not getting the correct answer to one of his questions, making the statement: "Come on now, it's not rocket science!"  To which a hand went up in the class and a Cpl said: "But sir; it is!"

While on ROUTP in Shilo in 1974, a PPCLI WO was instructing a platoon of women on the parade square.  He said: "The next drill movement I am going to teach you; I know you will get wrong.  And how do I know?  Because I have a crystal ball."  Well the front rank smirked, the middle rank giggled and the rear rank, feeling a little more protected, broke out laughing.

GW

 

[*Grunt]

While on ROUTP in Shilo in 1974, a PPCLI WO was instructing a platoon of women on the parade square.   He said: "The next drill movement I am going to teach you; I know you will get wrong.   And how do I know?   Because I have a crystal ball."   Well the front rank smirked, the middle rank giggled and the rear rank, feeling a little more protected, broke out laughing.
GW

hahahaha i've seen this alot, its so true though. I was usually in the middle rank and was able to giggle a little bit.

 

[*Grunt]

Best one I ever saw.
Brit RMP SM as one of his duties was a fire marshal. Had one of the new monkeys carry around a 5lb fire ext and a sealed envelope with the instructions that the camp RSM had to sign off the readiness report contained in the envelope. This poor kid was running all over Banja Luka looking for the RSM. Finally found him, proudly stood to and handed over the note which read.
" Oi wanker, Give me 2 weeks leave or I'll let you have it with this fire ext!"

Poor kid.

Man this is the funniest thing i've read in here yet!
"Oi wanker"...hahaha.......

 

[saint1]

How about telling someone to go get a can of compression, they will look for hours.

 

[Scott]

For the Highlanders:

"Go to the QM and draw your velcro gloves"

 

[my72jeep]

I had an old PO send me out for 6 feet of shore line once and being smarter than the average Pvt. I when to supply got a wash bin and a shovel. boy was the PO pissed when he got back to the class and found 6 feet of stinky wet sand and rocks full of sea weed dead fish and any thing else I found at the edge of the harbor.the look on his face when he asked what the f#$% is that doing here and I said "PO thats your 6 feet of shoreline" was worth all the extra duties.

 

[Dogboy]

I had an old PO send me out for 6 feet of shore line once and being smarter than the average Pvt. I when to supply got a wash bin and a shovel. boy was the PO pissed when he got back to the class and found 6 feet of stinky wet sand and rocks full of sea weed dead fish and any thing else I found at the edge of the harbor.the look on his face when he asked what the f#$% is that doing here and I said "PO thats your 6 feet of shoreline" was worth all the extra duties.

ya we need a thread on whats the snappy come back to stupid newbie jokes.