- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 410
lifted from a LEO forum:
Knucklehead: “My taxes pay your salary!”
Officer: “So do mine. This one's on me.”
Perp: “The cuffs are too tight!”
Officer: “Yeah, they're new. They'll stretch out.”
Situation: Night time. Foot pursuit of a perp through the projects. Rookie on foot, Officer in the vehicle following them. Perp runs down an embankment by a bridge and into some tall weeds. Rookie goes right after him before the Officer can stop him. Fighting noises break out. Officer stands on the top of the embankment trying to locate the perp and the rookie.
WHACK, THUMP, ZAP, BIFF, POW... etc.
Officer: “Light him up!”
WHACK-THUMP-POW
Rookie: “I AM!”
WHACK-THUMP-POW
Officer: “Use your flashlight!”
WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK
Rookie: “I AM!”
WHACK-DING-WHACK-DING
Officer: “Turn. It. On!”
Rookie: “Oh.”
Click.
Suspect in custody, en route to hospital.
Officer pulls over a vehicle for speeding on a lonely stretch of road at night. The driver is a huge, mean-looking, SOB. The officer calls him out of the car and has him walk back to the cruiser.
Driver: “You know, there's no one around here, something really bad could happen out here.”
Officer: “That's right, and there'd be no witnesses either.”
Driver: “Uh, yeah. Can I go now?”
Driver: “awww, come on! I know you guys have sort of quota you have to meet, that why you pulled ME over!”
Officer: “That’s correct, one more tonight and I get the free toaster the wife has had her eye on!”
A story about a disturbance where cops are clearing a house for a dude with a gun. A single female with about 8 kids was going on and on about how she "takes care of her kids (insert head roll)," and "you don't have a right to be in my apartment" and "goin’ through all of my shit" blah blah blah.....
A cop that will go nameless says, "Hey lady, where do you work?"
The female replies that she is a stay at home mom. The cop asks how she feeds her kids, and the female says that she "gets checks from the state."
The cop says, "Oh, so that means that I am taking care of your kids, not you, 'cause my taxes are paying for their food, this apartment, and that big screen over there. As a matter of fact, since I paid for all of this, it is my shit, not yours. So sit down and shut up while I look through my shit."
“Take your hands off the car one more time, and I will make your birth certificate a worthless document”
A citizen told an old, crusty Officer "I live in this city and pay taxes, so I pay your salary." The Officer pulled a quarter from his pocket, flipped it to the guy and said, "Well, here's your refund. Now shut up."
Knucklehead: “My taxes pay your salary!”
Officer: “So do mine. This one's on me.”
Perp: “The cuffs are too tight!”
Officer: “Yeah, they're new. They'll stretch out.”
Situation: Night time. Foot pursuit of a perp through the projects. Rookie on foot, Officer in the vehicle following them. Perp runs down an embankment by a bridge and into some tall weeds. Rookie goes right after him before the Officer can stop him. Fighting noises break out. Officer stands on the top of the embankment trying to locate the perp and the rookie.
WHACK, THUMP, ZAP, BIFF, POW... etc.
Officer: “Light him up!”
WHACK-THUMP-POW
Rookie: “I AM!”
WHACK-THUMP-POW
Officer: “Use your flashlight!”
WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK
Rookie: “I AM!”
WHACK-DING-WHACK-DING
Officer: “Turn. It. On!”
Rookie: “Oh.”
Click.
Suspect in custody, en route to hospital.
Officer pulls over a vehicle for speeding on a lonely stretch of road at night. The driver is a huge, mean-looking, SOB. The officer calls him out of the car and has him walk back to the cruiser.
Driver: “You know, there's no one around here, something really bad could happen out here.”
Officer: “That's right, and there'd be no witnesses either.”
Driver: “Uh, yeah. Can I go now?”
Driver: “awww, come on! I know you guys have sort of quota you have to meet, that why you pulled ME over!”
Officer: “That’s correct, one more tonight and I get the free toaster the wife has had her eye on!”
A story about a disturbance where cops are clearing a house for a dude with a gun. A single female with about 8 kids was going on and on about how she "takes care of her kids (insert head roll)," and "you don't have a right to be in my apartment" and "goin’ through all of my shit" blah blah blah.....
A cop that will go nameless says, "Hey lady, where do you work?"
The female replies that she is a stay at home mom. The cop asks how she feeds her kids, and the female says that she "gets checks from the state."
The cop says, "Oh, so that means that I am taking care of your kids, not you, 'cause my taxes are paying for their food, this apartment, and that big screen over there. As a matter of fact, since I paid for all of this, it is my shit, not yours. So sit down and shut up while I look through my shit."
“Take your hands off the car one more time, and I will make your birth certificate a worthless document”
A citizen told an old, crusty Officer "I live in this city and pay taxes, so I pay your salary." The Officer pulled a quarter from his pocket, flipped it to the guy and said, "Well, here's your refund. Now shut up."