- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 430
You may have seen this one but I certailnly got a laugh out of it.
L.A.R.K.
A lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgents (terrorists)
being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She received back the following reply:
National Defence Headquarters MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2 Canada
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by
Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan
Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in
Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions
were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to
learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are
creating a new department
here at the Department of National Defense, to be called "Liberals
Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
decided to
divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under
heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire
some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to
ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly
recommend in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that
your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are
correct in describing these
problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan
to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at
your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to
keep
those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually)
since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a
particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that he
will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come
to enjoy
the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that
it is all part of "respecting his culture and religious beliefs" as describe in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks
like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.
You take good care of Ahmed and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
L.A.R.K.
A lady libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government,
complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgents (terrorists)
being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She received back the following reply:
National Defence Headquarters MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2 Canada
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by
Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan
Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in
Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions
were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to
learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are
creating a new department
here at the Department of National Defense, to be called "Liberals
Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
decided to
divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care. Your personal
detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under
heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your
letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire
some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to
ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly
recommend in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that
your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem"
will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are
correct in describing these
problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan
to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail
clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these
skills at
your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to
keep
those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except
sexually)
since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a
particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show
violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new
dress code that he
will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come
to enjoy
the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that
it is all part of "respecting his culture and religious beliefs" as describe in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks
like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.
You take good care of Ahmed and remember, we'll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
