Merged Quotes and Sayings Thread; some useful, some junk

[Manimal]

we had a Mcpl pull out his cell phone and dialed the privates mom's number to get comfirmation that she had taught him how to dress!
the Mcpl would not take the privates word for it.

it's one of those things you had to be there for, but it was funny as hell.

 

[c.jacob]

Heard one morning during reveille:

"Drop your c*cks and grap your socks."


  One time on a cadet FTX a lietenant was trying to call a Captain over the radio.  The captain didn't have the radio on the right channel and couldn't figure out how to change it.  The next thing we heard was the lieutenant communicating instructions over the radio on how to get on the right channel.

 

[3rd Herd]

There are several memorable quotes from this discussion in the early 1980's:

Pte Bloggins: 'Sargent Major, permission to take out the Sargent Major's daughter'

Sgt. Major: 'Gee, Pte Bloggins I never figured you for having enough balls to ask and now that you have just proved to me that you indeed have some, permission denied'

Sgt Major's daughter: 'DADDDDDDDDDDDDY' you promised that if he asked it would be okay'

Sgt Major: 'on a careful reconsideration of the situation,yes you may date my
daughter Pte. Blogins and if there should be a situation in the future where a daring thrust should be the correct course of action "make da*m sure it is  an armoured thrust" Mrs. Sargent Major and myself are too old to be changing diapers on new recruits" due to an unprotected attack in the heat of battle, after all she is her mothers daughter'

 

[axeman]

Bosnia 1994, Jean Chretien (with helmet on backwards) decides to use the radio in Canbat 2 to call out to the OP's. "Hallo dis is Canada one, how do you ear me?"

An unidentified OP replies over the air "not too good, maybee you should buy us better radios"

well its not a quote but i was there at OP mike when he pulled up with his helmet on backwards , that was funny and sad too that he did not realize everyones else was different . and then it makes the front page everywhere as the face of canada

 

[fourninerzero]

Sgt "Evening private, how are you"
Pte "Very well Sergeant"
Sgt "Do you actually think I care? the answer is no, but its a good way to get the night rolling. more work on the boots."

This exchange took place at the end of SQ, while waiting in like to turn in weapons.
Course CQ- "You know what Private FourNinerZero? Your an arrest waiting to happen. you just need to be at the right place at the right time for the proper authorities to catch you and deliever you to the jail time so oh so richly deserve."
Pte FourNinerZero- "why, Im flattered CQ"
CQ- "Fuck you FourNinerZero. now turn in that gun"


Edited to add more

 

[Sig_Des]

WO walks into the room for inspection. "How are you, troops?"

all four of us respond together "Just Splendid, Warrant"

Warrant stops, turns around and stares at us. "Did you practice that?"

all four of us "Yes, Warrant"

"Good" walks out without looking at anything

 

[c_canuk]

not so much a quote, but an amusing story

we're cleaning our room at the last minute before inspection of course, and from somewhere one of my roomates finds like a 1/2" inch pile of dirt just as we hear "ROOM" from the end of the hall. he quickly sweeps the pile to the edge of his bunk, puts the broom up on the top shelf in the cupboard above his bed and stands at attention right on top of the pile....

now naturally not a single one of us except him can maintain a straight face as the instructors walk in.

All their attention is on us sniggering, the berating comences and continues for a minute or two, while we try to regain our composure until on of the instructors twigs to what we are laughing about...

"On Pace Forward March!"

"frig, bunch of peanuts complete with your own frigging pig pen!"

 

[Polish Possy]

Just after I accidently tipped over the mop bucket when I was moping in the mess

MCPL - " What THE F*Ck do you think your doing ....... if I wanted a pool I would have ordered you to build one"

 

[gnplummer421]

I didn't go through all of the posts, but here's one;

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy"

Cheers :cheers:

 

[The Anti-Royal]

WO:  Did you press those pants this morning, Mr. XXXXX?
OCdt:  Yes, Warrant Officer
WO:  Next time, put a few more rocks in your mess tins

 

[medicineman]

Allegedly from a British Army officer's PER -

"This officer will forever try to push his way through doors that require pulling to open."

MM

 

[CdnArtyWife]

After having lost a scope, a compas and a pair of night vision goggles while in the field, a fellow on course with my hubby was asked by the crse officer:

"Ocdt Bloggins, does serialized kit burn your skin?!?"

 

[Jonny Boy]

History will be kind to me, For i intend to write it. - Winston Churchill

 

[redleafjumper]

"WO so and so's been around so long that when God said 'Let there be light', he flipped the switch."

 

[Thompson_JM]

Cpl Bloggins has been in so long he Field tested the Ross Rifle and has chariot on his 404's


cheers

    Josh

 

[Hardrations]

My favourite made by the BSM of 2 SSM (Trg) Bty RCA. (Yeah I go back that far)

MORTON!!!  You do that again. I'll drive this drill cane so far up your arse, YOU'LL think you have a mouth full of gold.

 

[Arctic Acorn]

I remember a Newfie CSM from a course I took last year that used to like saying,

"Ah F^%$ 'em....they got their ponchos"

 

[mainerjohnthomas]

When the decision came down from on high that the Human Rights Act would apply to soldiers we were on parade right after the subject came up in the mess, and one of our Mcpl felt compelled to comment on it to the new smarta$$ no-hook Pte's.
    "Some of you a$$wipes have heard about all the horrible things we can't do to you anymore because the Human Rights Act applies to soldiers.  Since you're all too Fu*#ed-up to be human, and too slack and idle to be soldiers, then I guess none of you have to worry"
    You could feel the smarta$$ smug security falling from the recruits like leaves in a hurricane, it was sweet.

 

[mainerjohnthomas]

    When I was on my 052 QL1,  doing pole climbing our NCO was a square little francophone with an accent think enough to stop a .50 cal and a sarcastic streak.  When one of us would forget to use our safety belt he would yell up at us:
    "Jesus was a lineman eh?  If you don' do up that fuggin belt, I t'ink meybee you be fininishing this fuggin course wi' him eh?" ;D

 

[armchair]

When I was young I asked an Uncle who serviced in the Canada Army in WWII He severed in Sicily Italy and NW Europe.He did not talk
to much about the war.
But when I asked him what Italy was like he said (Big Busted girls and bad wine)
The other thing I asked him was, if he was at the front.(No not much time at the front .............no we were all ways ahead of it)
he then said he was a signalman with the Forward Artillery Observers