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More and more funnies.. vol: something...

This is an alcohol test:
If you pass it, you can keep drinking,
if not, it's time to stop.
Follow the simple instructions below:

1. Click on the man’s nose

2. A new window will open - click on the man's nose again

3. Each time you click on his nose, you can drink another glass of wine!!!

http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/slaan.html
 
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

.....none...they never get the frigging house.
 
Muslim Cleric's Warning: Cucumbers Too Sexy for Women
Published December 08, 2011 | FoxNews.com
Article Link

An Islamic cleric living in Europe reportedly has warned Muslim women not to get too close to bananas, cucumbers or other produce -- to avoid having “sexual thoughts.”

The unnamed cleric, whose directive was featured in an article in el-Senousa, a religious publication, purportedly said that if women wanted to eat these foods, a third party -- preferably a male related to them, such as their father or husband -- should cut the items into small pieces before serving, the Egyptian website Bikya Masr reported.

Carrots and zucchini also were added to the alleged cleric's list of forbidden foods for women.

News of the statement quickly spread online, leaving many liberal Muslims embarrassed and angry, evoking a flurry of mockery in online forums.

"Many of the commentators are Muslims themselves, who have expressed their anger against the cleric for making Islamic religious practices appear unreasonable," The International Business Times reported.

BikyaMasr.com said the cleric, identified only as a sheikh, was asked in the interview how to “control” women when they are shopping for groceries, and whether holding these items at the market would be bad, to which he replied that the matter was between them and God.

Questions also arose about the validity of the original published interview. An online search for the el-Senousa article, for instance, yields only results linking to the Bikya Masr report.

But the mere suggestion of a strict order for Muslim women handling food has been enough to send people to website forums and Twitter to air their indignation.

Danish/Lebanese journalist Helen Hajjij tweeted on Wednesday: “So if Muslim women should stay away from cucumbers and bananas, should men stay away from melons?”
end
 
That's why I'm banned from feeling the melons in the produce asile.  :D
 
jollyjacktar said:
That's why I'm banned from feeling the melons in the produce asile.  :D

As they say in certain parts of the world, "Women are OK, little boys are fine, but happiness is a ripe watermelon."
 
"As I caress your firm roundness with my hands and press my face into your pink flesh, your sweet juice runs down my face."










(I LOVE WATERMELONS!)

Fixed typo.
 
Enough about watermelons. A little story by Jerry Pournelle about an experiment he participated in years ago in how cats would react in a zero-G gravity. Enjoy:

A long time ago at a Human Factors lab on an Air Force base in Texas, a group of human factors space scientists and Air Force pilots were sitting in the O Club and got to talking about cats and zero gravity. How would a cat orient in micro gravity? Visually? They always land on their feet. But what if they couldn’t feel which way was down?

A few drinks later we realized that one of the pilots wasn’t having a drink because he had to do a proficiency flight later that afternoon. And we already had a camera rigged in the cockpit of a T Bird, and if a couple of us certified this as a human factors experiment it wouldn’t cost the government anything it wasn’t going to spend on the proficiency flight, and it would be an interesting experiment, and — Well, it seemed like a great idea at the time, and the captain who’d be flying thought it would be a good idea.

We rigged up the body sensors – he did have to insert the rectal thermometer thermistor, and we put on the face and hand temperature sensors and the other polygraph stuff and turned on the recorders. Then we captured the O Club cat, a calico, and he carried her along to the T Bird, and with the cat sitting comfortably in his lap he took off with a flight plan that included a long parabolic arc that would produce more than 15 seconds of essentially zero gravity.

All was well until he got into the parabolic flight, at which point he took the cat off his lap and released her in zero gravity. The camera recorded it all. The cat looked about wildly, realized it wasn’t moving, rotated itself so that its feet were straight out toward the pilot’s chest, and teleported – that’s the best description I could make from seeing that film run several times – toward the pilot. Claws extended. It anchored itself, finding the opening in the flight suit from which the physiological sensor wires protruded. Claws out. Firmly anchored.

The rest of the film shows the pilot frantically trying to fly while trying to peel the cat off his chest. It held fast until after landing.
Then the cat allowed the pilot to carry it off the airplane and back to the club, whereupon it vanished and wouldn’t speak to any of us for a week.

But we did learn that in zero gravity a cat will orient toward the nearest human, latch on, and never let go. I suppose that film is still making the rounds of USAF, but maybe not. It was film long before digitizing film was easy or even possible, and eventually that wears out. I haven’t seen it for years.
Emphasis mine.
 
PMedMoe said:
December-13-2011-02-55-17-tumblrlvuilzC7gG1qj26eao1500.jpg


:nod:

red X?
 
For Zoomie, Loachman, Supersonic Max and friends:

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems ...
...  encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

• P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
• P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
• P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
• P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
• P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
• P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for.
• P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
• P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
• P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
• P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
• P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
• P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
• P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.





 
What does DNA stand for?
The National Dyslexia Association.

:bowing:
 
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