- Reaction score
- 5
- Points
- 430
Rifleman62 said:
FTFU
More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter Timmy!
- Start date
FTFU
George Wallace
Army.ca Dinosaur
- Reaction score
- 223
- Points
- 710
Baden Guy said:FTFU
President? That proves he has no brains, but may have balls to think he is.
J
jollyjacktar
Guest
Not a Senior yet, but I can relate.
Senior Trying To Create A Password
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50fuckingboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedU pYourAssIfYouDon' tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER
issedOff: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedU pYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessN ow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already taken.
Senior Trying To Create A Password
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50fuckingboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50FUCKINGboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedU pYourAssIfYouDon' tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER
issedOff: 50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedU pYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessN owWINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already taken.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
SMILE
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one:
Justin Trudeau of Canada, 44, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"He thought he was having his photo taken."
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile, inspector", says the Coroner.
Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky.
Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one:
Justin Trudeau of Canada, 44, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"He thought he was having his photo taken."
Robert Dean Steel
April 28, 2015 ·
A couple of RCMP officers stopped at Sandy Bay First Nation and talked to an old Indian standing on the road.
He told the old Indian, "I need to inspect this land for illegally grown drugs."
The elder reluctantly said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed with his lips to the location.
The RCMP officer verbally exploded & said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!"
Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge & proudly displayed it to the old Indian.
"See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want, whenever I want................on any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?"
The elder nodded kindly, apologized & went about his business. Moments later he heard loud - fearful screams; he looked up & saw the RCMP officer running for his life, being chased by a Bull Bison. With every step the Bull Bison was gaining ground on the officer & it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The old Indian threw down his tools & ran as fast as he could to the fence & yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE
April 28, 2015 ·
A couple of RCMP officers stopped at Sandy Bay First Nation and talked to an old Indian standing on the road.
He told the old Indian, "I need to inspect this land for illegally grown drugs."
The elder reluctantly said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed with his lips to the location.
The RCMP officer verbally exploded & said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!"
Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge & proudly displayed it to the old Indian.
"See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want, whenever I want................on any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?"
The elder nodded kindly, apologized & went about his business. Moments later he heard loud - fearful screams; he looked up & saw the RCMP officer running for his life, being chased by a Bull Bison. With every step the Bull Bison was gaining ground on the officer & it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The old Indian threw down his tools & ran as fast as he could to the fence & yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE
- Reaction score
- 2,072
- Points
- 1,160
Dearest Dad,
I am coming home to get married soon, so get your checkbook out. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.
As you know, I am in Australia ... and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.
My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.
Lots of love and thanks.
Your favorite daughter,
Lilly
THE RESPONSE
My Dear Lilly,
Like Wow! Really? Cool!
Whatever ... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal.
And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.
Love,
Your Dad
I am coming home to get married soon, so get your checkbook out. I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me.
As you know, I am in Australia ... and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.
My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.
Lots of love and thanks.
Your favorite daughter,
Lilly
THE RESPONSE
My Dear Lilly,
Like Wow! Really? Cool!
Whatever ... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal.
And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.
Love,
Your Dad
- Reaction score
- 7,141
- Points
- 1,360
- Reaction score
- 2,918
- Points
- 940
George Wallace
Army.ca Dinosaur
- Reaction score
- 223
- Points
- 710
- Reaction score
- 7,141
- Points
- 1,360
George Wallace
Army.ca Dinosaur
- Reaction score
- 223
- Points
- 710
milnews.ca said:
Where were the Spelling Nazis?
- Reaction score
- 7,141
- Points
- 1,360
If you mean "organisation," Brit reporter (BBC def reporter) = Brit spelling.George Wallace said:
George Wallace
Army.ca Dinosaur
- Reaction score
- 223
- Points
- 710
- Reaction score
- 2,918
- Points
- 940
J
jollyjacktar
Guest
I have not looked at that until now, that's cool.
- Reaction score
- 8,539
- Points
- 1,160
Must be pretty light. I don't see any tracks in the sand or ripples when it crosses the water.
- Reaction score
- 2,072
- Points
- 1,160
The Chauffeur
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said, "your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You will have to drive her around in his 2017 Mercedes-Benz SEL, and he will supply your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas travels.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "you're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "yeah, well you started it."
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said, "your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You will have to drive her around in his 2017 Mercedes-Benz SEL, and he will supply your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas travels.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "you're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "yeah, well you started it."
- Reaction score
- 2,072
- Points
- 1,160
The wedding .....
A father texts his son:
"My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father."
His Son texts back:
"Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"
His Father replies:
"I know."
A father texts his son:
"My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father."
His Son texts back:
"Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"
His Father replies:
"I know."
