I think drilling the "officers are the superior, so act like it" mantra into the Ocdts can do some harm, though
If that's what is going on, somebody somewhere didn't get the memo. That's not how an OCdt should be taught.
As an officer, your job is primarily to make decisions based on the situation and your commanders aim & intent, and then see that decision carried out (either until it is successful, or it is discovered that the plan of action chosen is suboptimal, at which time you are to come up with a new plan and execute that one to successful conclusion)
Part of that execution is convincing your subordinates that the plan is a good one and getting them to carry out their roles in the plan. Having a superior rank is a tool that helps this along. But it is not the *primary* tool. The primary tool in your leadership armoury is the confidence your men have in you and your decisions.
There are many, many things that go into building that confidence; most of them out of scope for this discussion. Some of them are acting confident, cool, and decisive, no matter the circumstances (an exited, panicy vacillator does nothing to inspire confidence in his decisions)
But there is a big difference from "decisive and confident" and "superior". There is nothing inherent in being an officer that makes you "superior" to your men. In a Reseve unit, it is not at all uncommon to have soldiers working for you who are better educated, better paid, and who come from more elevated levels of society. And certainly, the Quarter Inch Admiral stripe is no indication of superior IQ.....
An officer, especially an officer cadet, who puts on airs and acts all hoighty-toighty doesn't Get It. That's not what this is about. Similarly, an officer who panders to his men, sucks up to them, and tries to be their best buddy also doesn't Get It. Instead, you need to cultivate a manner that states "I know what I am doing, I will listen to what you have to say (if we have time) and not every idea must be my idea, but ultimately I am in charge and I will make the decisions".
It's hard to put into words... but when one is in the presence of someone who Gets It, one can usually tell. Emulation of good officers is never a bad plan.
Excessive familiarity poisons this. An officer must retain a certain professional distance, and the distance will follow you for the rest of your life. An officer is always an officer, no matter if he is in uniform or in his skivvies. There are times when the formality can be relaxed somewhat, but it never really goes away.
I and my troops are not on a first name basis. If we meet in public, in civvies, I am Lt, Mr, or Sir. It's not something that I'm prepared to make a big fuss over... but if you have the attitude right, it's something the troops will do automatically anyway (and I count your troops being excessively familiar as a danger sign that you are doing something wrong). Similarly, even though I have the right to use first names when I address them, I choose not to, because again, it establishes that little bit of professional distance (and seems unfair to me). Rank is always appropriate (there no shame in having a military rank) but in social situations where bringing up rank may be a little awkward or clunky, "Mr" works just fine.
The guys I really feel for are those commissioned out of the ranks. It's tough to go from being Private Numpty to OCdt Numpty. One second you're one of the boys, the next you're the little Boss - and it's hard to tell where to draw the line between excessive familiarity and Mad With Power. That's something that comes with time and experience, and usually results in a few bruised egos along the way.
Bottom line though, anybody who is teaching an OCdt to act "superior" - or witness one doing so with out stepping in to correct the issue, is doing them no favours.
DG
