RMC with fiance and baby??

[kratz]

After all my researched I've decided to let him go ahead with his decision.

What are his other options?

If he sat down with a recruiter and said he wanted to join the forces what would then happen? I know he has to apply and go through testing but how long would all of that take? How long until he went for basic training? What kind of salary would he start at? And does he get paid during training?
Would this route ever take him to the level that going the ROTP route would get him to and how much slower if so?

This site has many discussions that answer many of the questions you and he are asking. Search.
Since this site is not an official website the answers you find here might be wrong.
While there are many current members posting on the site, we are not here to spoon feed answers to people who are not helping themself by reading the current information online (on or off this site).

Hopfully you are not holding his hand through his BMQ.
Helicopter parenting / spousing needs to end with small steps.

 

[Eye In The Sky]

After all my researched I've decided to let him go ahead with his decision.

Sorry but I have to say something to this.

You might want to consider that as an adult he doesn't need your approval.  Just a thought.

I know what I'd be thinking and saying if someone said to me "I've decided to let you proceed". 

Lastly HE is the one that will be joining, so HE is the one that needs to go to the CFRC and speak with recruiters.

:2c:

 

[jwtg]

Sorry but I have to say something to this.

You might want to consider that as an adult he doesn't need your approval.  Just a thought.

I know what I'd be thinking and saying if someone said to me "I've decided to let you proceed". 

Lastly HE is the one that will be joining, so HE is the one that needs to go to the CFRC and speak with recruiters.

:2c:

To offer an alternative viewpoint...

A CWO I spoke with once told me that his civilian wife was more CF than he was. When you join, your family joins too; seems to me like the OP isn't offending her fiancé's adulthood, but is an involved family member taking part in a decision which affects her and her child.

:2c:

 

[Eye In The Sky]

After all my researched I've decided to let him go ahead with his decision.

Her words, not mine. 

I understand the military family concept.  I grew up in one.  I'm in one now, as the 'CF mbr'. 

 

[KellyB]

Sorry but I have to say something to this.

You might want to consider that as an adult he doesn't need your approval.  Just a thought.

I know what I'd be thinking and saying if someone said to me "I've decided to let you proceed". 

Lastly HE is the one that will be joining, so HE is the one that needs to go to the CFRC and speak with recruiters.

:2c:

This is a huge decision. He is asking me to basically leave the life we had planned to pursue something else, in different parts of the country. I will have to leave my job and we have worked for the last 2 years to save up for a house and moved in a month ago today but this decision will probably mean I will be moving back in with my parents, its like one step forward and then 3 steps back. I understand that it will help us make several steps forward again in the future but still not a decision you make overnight and when you're in a committed relationship, especially with a child, you are a team, thus you make decisions together. He can't just decide and take off, there is serious planning involved. He has told me a lot of facts but I wanted to do my own research as well. I have done a lot of looking around off this site but its hard to find the exact answer you're looking for so forgive me if I seem naive or am asking the same questions that have already been asked.
He has booked his morning off work on Tuesday so will be talking to a recruiter then. I'm sure he'll come out with a lot more answers.

 

[Scott]

So you've stated that this is something he is really interested in doing - then why not get him in the process now? A quick search will reveal it can, possibly, take some time. Either way, he's not going to Kingston tomorrow, you have time to talk amongst yourselves, talk to family, weigh the options, create a contingency plan. Life happens in between.

Personally, and maybe I have you wrong, it appears that short term pain for long term gain is not something you're very keenly aware of. I gather, based on your posts, that you guys are in your early 20s. Like shitloads of life ahead of you. Doing something now to get ahead when you're in your 50s, and your daughter might be needing a hand up, is only going to benefit you.

To the two statements I saw that made me cringe:

I want to educate myself on this first before I agree for him to see a recruiter.

After all my researched I've decided to let him go ahead with his decision.

If I ever caught wind of my wife saying things like this1 we would have a serious tete a tete. Your points about you guys being a team are duly noted, but you need to remember that you aren't the only one on your team, and your team should not have a Captain. Yeah, you should have reality based discussions, bu the way you come off is like a control freak. I am willing to grant that it might be a tone via type thing but you appear to have doubled down on it.

A buddy of mine went through something very similar only he found NO support from his partner. He ended up making the very difficult decision to bail on the relationship and went through loads of shit for that because of their posessions, finances, and child. Ten years on he has told me it was the best decision he ever could have made and that his young fellow got past it - and they probably have a better life now because of the decision he made then. I remember the day he left her very well (he ended up crashing on my couch after all), he told me, over a few beers, that he left it because she had told him she would not allow him...2. Food for thought.

1She wouldn't I do not think ever utter anything remotely like this, which is one of the very many reasons I fell in love with her. Unconditional support.

2Yeah, I get that you are allowing it - my point is the use of the terms.

 

[Scott]

He can't just decide and take off, there is serious planning involved.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he most certainly CAN just decide to take off. It's a good thing that he isn't, indeed, but please do me, and at least EITS, a favour and shitcan this type of talk.

 

[Jarnhamar]

Kelly maybe YOU should go talk to the recruiter and tell your husband what you decided he will do.

 

[KellyB]

Trust me, you have me completely wrong. I realize he COULD just get up and go but would prefer if I came with him. So maybe I worded that wrong - I am on here deciding if this life will be good for our family. Yes we are in our early 20's and I completely realize it will make a huge difference for him career wise for when he is older. But I do have a career, one I am very fond of. I could potentially remake it somewhere else but I'm from here and so have had years to make up a client base through the people I know. You may not have even thought about that aspect, but I hope to have support from him just as much as he gets from me. In this instance me supporting him means not supporting myself in my career. I have come to the conclusion I am willing to give up a lot right now - my family and friends close by, career, and house, to support him so why does it make me such a bad person to have questions before coming to this conclusion. The minute I knew he was serious about this I came online to do MY research. He knows what he knows and probably won't take the time to look online because he isn't that type of person. He will go into the recruiters and come out with all the knowledge he needs to make his decision. I'm a little more impatient, not a control freak by any means though. In fact, I'm actually incredibly excited for him now after the initial shock

 

[jeffb]

KellyB, don't worry about what others think. Good for you for taking an active role in this family decision. Being in the CAF was my dream that my wife accompanied me on. She's had to make the sacrifices and done so without a complaint. Of course there are the benefits of never having to worry about me loosing my job, good benefits, a community of great people, etc. but I know that quitting her job and essentially agreeing to shoehorn her life choices around the needs of the CAF, was not, and is not, easy for her.

Keep asking questions. As others have pointed out, your approval is not necessary but I am sure it certainly helps. Just because some people may not see it that way does not mean that your fiance doesn't want your approval.

Best of luck!

 

[Scott]

Good enough, thanks for clarifying.

While I am long detached from the CF, I do work away half of the time and thus leave everything at home to my wife. She runs the house, full stop, and I help when I am there to. But it's always 100% a team effort and still has times where we must sacrifice, collectively or individually. Trust me, I understand how important support going both ways is - I live it every day.