Para, that really sucks and im sorry to hear that

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Go!!! :
Its not that I am unwilling to push myself, I do as much as possible. I just would like to do the job for as long as possible, and I know I wouldnt be happy after im in my mid-late 30s and im just too beat up to do it anymore.
It wasnt the SQ course that almost wrecked my back, it was just one particular ruck march where the platoon commander decided to give the three smallest guys in the platoon alot more gear to carry than anyone else.I think I could handle it alot better now than I could then, im about 25lbs heavier and in alot better shape... but I didnt see the training value in doing that.Instead of trying to even out the platoons gear amongst the troops, he gave as much to us as would fit on our bodies, and dispersed the rest evenly. Another troop smaller than I was, had a c6 + lots of ammunition and a pick as I recall.
It was the same few guys all course, and some other guys expressed the same concerns as did amongst ourselves.
Regardless, we all finished the course and that march and nobody was crippled.Of course we should all be able to perform to the same high standard, but we definately werent imagining things when it seemed like all the smallest guys were carrying the heaviest kit every day.Maybe he felt we had something more to prove?
Peronsally, I actually enjoy the courses and leaders that push us all to ridiculous lengths mentally and physically.I like the challenges and while they suck for the duration, when the tasks are completed the satisfaction is something I can't get anywhere else.What I dont enjoy is a somewhat difficult course, where 3 or 4 guys are being treated as though they have to perform at twice the standard to be equal with everyone else for no clear or explained reason.It just sends the wrong message to the troops.... if we're going to carry a c6 and a crapload of ammo and entrenching materials, then everyone on the course should have to do it at some point.
When you say that we all break eventually, do you mean because of the job, or because eventually because of age ?
I dont expect to be able to hump 100lb rucksacks through the jungles and deserts of the world well into my 60s of course.... I think i will have probobly had my fill when its time to put the boots away anyway.