Merged Quotes and Sayings Thread; some useful, some junk

[Young KH]

On parade after a bad weekend when 5 people that were suposed to be on duty went AWOL.

Company Sargent Major talking to the troops at the attention.

You bas****es have Scr**ed me for the last time.
No more breaks, you'll get no more F**king  breakes from me.

Alright now, Fall out, Smoke Break.

 

[FormerHorseGuard]

when i worked at LFCA HQ, we had a SGT MAJOR RCD nickname was TOONER he was in charge of a charge parade  and the MCPL QOR did something wrong on the escort and the SGTMAJOR came to see him afterwards and discuss it with him.
Tooner only had 4 fingers and 1/2 thumb on one hand.

He called to the MCPL and held up his hand and said MCPL how many  fingers you see, and he replied  4 and half sir, Tooner replied x 10 , for your extras and 5 more just to make you stop smiling.

 

[Second Chance]

Or how bout these ones,

Stop F***ing leaning against that wall!

It's been standing for well over a hundred years (the Armoury) and it doesn't need your help!!

Or

Unfold your arms! Your not pregnant!!

 

[T.I.M.]

Heh, there's a few I remember.

MCpl: "Are you an elf, Pte?"
Me (Confused): "A what MCpl?"
MCpl: "An elf!  Do you have little pointy ears?"
Me (Still Confused): "Uh, no MCpl.  I don't have pointy ears."
MCpl: "And how am I supposed to tell with all that hair in the way?"

or for the reverse:

Sgt: "Bloggins, you dumbf*k, you're supposed to put the last three of your service number on your kit, not your MOC."
Pte: "031 is the last three of my service number Sgt."
Sgt: "Bulls**t.  Why, the chance of that is. . . like. . . one in a thousand!"
Pte: ". . . There's more than a thousand people at the battleschool Sgt. . ."
Sgt:  . . .

 

[B.McTeer]

Sgt: pte mcteer did u polish those boots
me: yes sgt
Sgt: then wtf is that (points at the heel of my boot)
me: i don't see anything Sgt
Sgt: yeah i bet u don't
me: Sgt?
Sgt: (takes his pace stick and place's it on the side of my boot) how look right here and tell me what that is
me: (looks closely and sees the size sticker on the side of my boots) Its the size sticker Sgt
Sgt: well how the (inappropriate grammer) did u miss that pte mctweetles (i still don't know where he pulled that one of from)
me: I'm semi retarded Sgt
Sgt: that works for me pte now take that ****** sticker off before i make you ******* eat it
me: YES SGT

 

[Steel Badger]

Wandering about in Borden in 85 with a couple of lads, revelling in the awesome power granted by the single chevron recently added to our slip ons.

Walking out of Mess on Airforce side:

Irate, Blue clad officer sporting wedge cap:    YOU THERE!! Privates!,   Don't you pay compliments?

Private (newly trained):    NICE HAT!!!


(Edited for spelling: SB)

 

[davidk]

Recently heard on my Infantry course...

MCpl: Pte *******, are you a magician?

Pte: Master Corporal what do you mean?

MCpl: I mean, do you do magic, *******?

Pte: No, Master Corporal, may I ask why?

MCpl: Because everything you touch turns to shit!

Being called a Magician on our course is pretty much the worst thing that can happen to you.

 

[Vigilant]

same sgt went around during our range weekend and was asking all the troops their favourite sesame street characters. So he looks around and picks out the biggest guy and says...
"lemme guess cookie monster"
he continues down the line and asks one of the ptes who his favourite was... he responds with "Ernie" the Sgt stops and begins to explain to the entire course that ernie and bert are both FESTIVE characters and that nobody should like them. He continues down the line and asks the next pte which character he likes. The pte says "Bert"    the whole section breaks out laughing. That was the last time the Sgt. brought up sesame street.

Hey Zack! Good times... Too bad that particular Sarge retired.

 

[ZipperHead]

My all time favourites:

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't have enough to power the world's smallest motorcycle around the inside of a Cheerio.

You've got a head on you like a:  Lapplander's foreskin (my favourite as I am Finnish)
                                              40 pound Smartie
                                              sun-f*@ked onion
                                              4 slice toaster

While doing mountain ops, a troop was having trouble scaling a fairly easy slope. Instructor: "Come on Bloggins: mountain goats f#$k on slopes steeper than this!!"

From a french Firefighter in Weapons Cadre in Cornwallis to a mostly Crewman section: "If you ever come back here, I will kick your ass all the way back to Gagtown." Not really sure what he meant, but it's stuck in my head for almost 18 years....

So many sayings, so little memory left.......

Al

 

[bled12345]

Here's some sayings that get me pumped up or motivated...


"You cannot change the past, but you can make the future"  - immortal technique
"Pain is just weakness leaving the body" -navy seals motto
"Pain is your friend, it lets you know that you are still alive" -USMC
"Any day is a good day, just try missing one" -poolhall junkies


what are some of your favs?

 

[Blakey]

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

 

[ab136]

"If it's not one thing it's her mother"
"Money isn't everything but,.......it's everything else"

 

[kincanucks]

"If I have to stop this car" and "Do you want something to really cry about?"  are some of my all time favourites.

 

[aesop081]

Mine are :

1- "if you don't like it, get the f*** out !!"

and

2- "Remember that no matter how good-looking she is, someone is tired of putting up with her shyte"

 

[ab136]

"If I have to stop this car" and "Do you want something to really cry about?"  are some of my all time favourites.

Ah memories.  *dab eyes with tissue*

 

[kincanucks]

"If you don't like it, then get out"

Gen Baril - Petawawa Officers' Mess - 1998.

 

[aesop081]

"If you don't like it, then get out"

Gen Baril - Petawawa Officers' Mess - 1998.

Mine are :

1- "if you don't like it, get the f*** out !!"

CWO Williamson, 2 CER Petawawa...........every day !

 

[Pea]

"If I have to stop this car" and "Do you want something to really cry about?"   are some of my all time favourites.

Word for word like my dad used to say  ;D...now I'm homesick! 

 

[ExistancE]

"When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do."

"Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill."

"A hero is one who knows how to hang on one minute longer."

"The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour."

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."

"Fight like you train, train like you fight"

"Twelve highlanders and a bagpipe make a rebellion."

 

[Kat Stevens]

"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people out there better at it than you."

Kat