More and more funnies.. vol: something...

[cupper]

Craig's List: Free to good home.

My girlfriend doesn't like my dog, so I appeal to you.
She is a purebred from a wealthy area and I have had her 4 years. She likes to play games. Not totally trained. Has long hair so she's a little high maintenance, especially the nails, but she loves having them done. Stays up all night yapping but sleeps while I work. Only eats the best, most expensive food. Will NEVER greet you at the door after a long day or give you unconditional love when you're down. Does not bite but she can be mean as hell!

So........anyone interested in my 30 year old, selfish, wicked, gold-digging girlfriend? Come and get her! Me and my dog want her re-homed!!

 

[GAP]

A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in 
Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees.


The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no
woodpecker could  peck.


The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly
pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.


The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican
woodpecker to peck a  tree in Canada that was absolutely
'impeccable' (a term  frequently used by woodpeckers).


The Mexican woodpecker expressed  confidence that he
could do it and  accepted the challenge.


The two of them flew to Canada where the  Mexican
woodpecker  successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable'
tree almost without  breaking a sweat.


Both woodpeckers were  now terribly confused.


How is it that the  Canadian woodpecker was able
to peck the Mexican  tree, and the Mexican
woodpecker was able  to peck the Canadian tree,
yet neither was able  to peck the tree in their own country?


After much woodpecker  pondering, they both came to the same conclusion.


Apparently your  pecker gets harder when you're away from home...

 

[GAP]

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.  A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."  This is not a phrase we men normally use so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping.

He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was who told him about his "barracks door."  He was planning to have a little fun with her.  When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?"

The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no, I didn't.  All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags."

 

[CougarKing]

;D

Delish

Woman Attempted to Walk Out of Supermarket with Lobster Tails Down Her Pants
June 17, 2014 at 3:34PM by Zoe Bain

While it may seem obvious that putting uncooked seafood down one's pants is never a good idea, one Florida woman had to learn the hard way. According to the Associated Press, Nichole Ann Reed stuffed seven frozen lobster tails down her pants at a Publix Supermarket in DeLand, Florida. She then left the store, but not before a loss prevention officer spotted her.

Police found Reed an hour later and she confessed to stealing $83.99 worth of frozen lobster tails. Apparently, she was planning to trade her loot with a friend for a trip to a Chinese buffet or prescription drugs. Now Reed faces petty theft charges.

(...EDITED)

 

[Journeyman]

And this is why even a university degree won't guarantee you a job....... 

 

[PMedMoe]

And this is why even a university degree won't guarantee you a job....... 

Never confuse education with intelligence. 

 

[observor 69]

Never confuse education with intelligence. 

or common sense, something I have observed time and time again. :nod:

 

[PMedMoe]

or common sense, something I have observed time and time again. :nod:

Common sense?  It's so uncommon it's a super power!  :nod:

 

[BeyondTheNow]

No excuses

 

[Teager]

Boat For Sale...lol

http://www.kijiji.ca/v-powerboat-motorboat/ottawa/boat-for-sale-excellent-for-divers/1000510448?enableSearchNavigationFlag=true

 

[OldSolduer]

And this is why even a university degree won't guarantee you a job....... 

And what would you do with a brain if you had one?

I have a brain.....I think.

 

[ModlrMike]

Never confuse education with intelligence. 

As I said to one of the young IntO candidates the oher day:

Intelligence is what you have, intelligent is what you are. The two don't necessarily coexist.

 

[Journeyman]

And what would you do with a brain if you had one?

I have a brain.....I think.

  :dunno:

 

[PMedMoe]

Laws they don't teach you in physics:

1. Law of Mechanical Repair- After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6. Law of the Bath  - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9. Law of Biomechanics- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking --  A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

 

[Journeyman]

14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

This explains so many posts in both the politics and military equipment threads.  :nod:

 

[OldSolduer]

Murphy's Law of Weapons - your weapon was manufactured by the lowest bidder.

 

[MilEME09]

Murphy's Law of Weapons - your weapon was manufactured by the lowest bidder.

Can a slo be applied to all kit in the CF

 

[cupper]

14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Law of Public Speaking --  A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

Combined Law of making Logical Arguments in Public:

It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought of as an idiot, than to open one's mouth and prove them correct.

 

[CougarKing]

;D Slap fighting?

MSN Video

 

[Edward Campbell]

The evolution of the religious right in America ...

              Apologies, of course, to committed Christians for associating you with Muslims ...
     
              and vice versa.