George Wallace
Army.ca Dinosaur
- Reaction score
- 223
- Points
- 710
Below are the Personal Attributes that one requires to be promoted in the CF:
To the Rank of General:
One must be able to leap tall buildings with a single bound; be more powerful than a locomotive; be faster than a speeding bullet; walk on water; and, give Policy to God.
To the Rank of Colonel:
One must be able to leap buildings in a single bound; be more powerful than a bulldozer; walk as fast as a speeding bullet; walk on water if the sea is calm; and, occasionally talks to God.
To the Rank of Lieutenant Colonel:
One must be able to leap short buildings with a running start; be almost as powerful as a bulldozer; be faster than a speeding .22 slug; walk on water in indoor swimming pools; and, talk with God if Special Request is Granted.
To the Rank of Major:
One must be able to barely clear Nissen Huts; loses Tug-of-War with locomotive; able to Fire a speeding bullet; swim well; and, is occasionally addressed by God.
To the Rank of Captain:
One must be able to make high scratch marks when trying to leap buildings; be run over by a locomotive, can occasionally handle a gun without inflicting self-injury; dog paddle; and, talks to animals.
To the Rank of Lieutenant:
One must be able to run into buildings; recognises locomotives two our of three times; is not issued ammunition; can stay afloat with proper instruction on a Mae West; and, talks to walls.
To the Rank of Second Lieutenant:
One must be able to identify buildings; say "Choo Choo"; spell "ammo"; know what water looks like; and, talks to one's self.
To the Rank of Regimental Sergeant Major:
One must be able to lift buildings and walk under them; kick locomotives off the Track; catch speeding bullets between his teeth and eat them; freeze water with a single glance; and, He is God.
To the Rank of Non Commissioned Officer:
One must be able to sweep under buildings; put locomotives back on the Track; pick up spent cartridges after speeding bullets have been eaten; carries water to be frozen; and, He is the Son of God.
To the Rank of General:
One must be able to leap tall buildings with a single bound; be more powerful than a locomotive; be faster than a speeding bullet; walk on water; and, give Policy to God.
To the Rank of Colonel:
One must be able to leap buildings in a single bound; be more powerful than a bulldozer; walk as fast as a speeding bullet; walk on water if the sea is calm; and, occasionally talks to God.
To the Rank of Lieutenant Colonel:
One must be able to leap short buildings with a running start; be almost as powerful as a bulldozer; be faster than a speeding .22 slug; walk on water in indoor swimming pools; and, talk with God if Special Request is Granted.
To the Rank of Major:
One must be able to barely clear Nissen Huts; loses Tug-of-War with locomotive; able to Fire a speeding bullet; swim well; and, is occasionally addressed by God.
To the Rank of Captain:
One must be able to make high scratch marks when trying to leap buildings; be run over by a locomotive, can occasionally handle a gun without inflicting self-injury; dog paddle; and, talks to animals.
To the Rank of Lieutenant:
One must be able to run into buildings; recognises locomotives two our of three times; is not issued ammunition; can stay afloat with proper instruction on a Mae West; and, talks to walls.
To the Rank of Second Lieutenant:
One must be able to identify buildings; say "Choo Choo"; spell "ammo"; know what water looks like; and, talks to one's self.
To the Rank of Regimental Sergeant Major:
One must be able to lift buildings and walk under them; kick locomotives off the Track; catch speeding bullets between his teeth and eat them; freeze water with a single glance; and, He is God.
To the Rank of Non Commissioned Officer:
One must be able to sweep under buildings; put locomotives back on the Track; pick up spent cartridges after speeding bullets have been eaten; carries water to be frozen; and, He is the Son of God.
