Re: RIP forces.gc.ca/forum/forum (Army Discussion Forums) The Continuing Saga

[George Wallace]

....ncited by fits of laughter, did all they could to remain in the vertical, as opposed to the horizontal, position.  When the crowds stopped chuckling at her faux pax, she slithered away to find a more hospitable group.  She was half way to Windsor before she found a poor deaf, dumb, blind geezer whom she could drink with.  When he realized who she was, he o....

 

[Cloud Cover]

..pened up his bottle and polished it off. Next he pulled down his ...

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

" I Love The NDP" flag that he was wrapped up in a..

 

[Centurian1985]

...his "?" being interpretted as a gasp of astonishment that a person could actually fumble a phrase handoff in a simple forum thread.  "IF YOU CANT HAND OFF A SIMPLE LINE, HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO DEFEND THE COUNTRY!" GW yelled at poor Whiskey601, who by this time was wishing he had gone back to edit his own work j...

Edit -

...just as Bruce had entered his line about a flag that could have upset the thread and the very fabric of the universe with a...

 

[geo]

an out of character "I love the Liberals" shout of j.......

 

[Centurian1985]

...jubilation that shook the very foundations of Army.ca, and might have measured 4.5 on the Richter scale if enough subscribers had coughed up the dough for Mike to afford a decent compu-Richter detector.  Nevertheless, the happy web-surfing horde eagerly flipped backed to Reply #300 for news of what was happening in Windsor as t...

 

[George Wallace]

...he conversation was sidelined by the latest on "Military Parades" the summer "Replacement Killer" for the "Will Canada be invaded for its Water" conspiracy.  Not better, but worse in the Monkey business, Franks monkey was found roaming aimlessly in Area 51 (Yes there is one and we had it first) at DRES.  He had a scorpion in one paw and a rattlesnake in the other, and was i.....

 

[Centurian1985]

The story so far…(Part 1)

I think the big difference here is that many of the Mods are long out… if I want to tell the CDS to hoop his forehead than I would and what coul...d he do about i...t, besides which he ca...lls me up and then k... (Lol, LOL) …incanucks gets transferred to a b...asement QM job, with a female soldier to help him that looks like a s… (Where's your punctuation? Come on, now!) (This is gettin' harder to follow than the water thread) …tarlet, but sadly may only be as bright as a t...hundering rhino, but at least she f...inds amusement in her new boss' amazing lack of b...ungee cord which he keeps in his a…djustable harness that he claimed he used in his younger years for s...pecial forces missions behind enemy lines in T…adjikistan where he was wonded in the c...arpal tunnel, he was patched up by a medic with a smashing set of b...andages (hey, what did you think I was going to say LOL).  The best part of the patching was the a...wesome story he had to tell t...ess about the time that he saw i...mpromptu performances by mi...khail Baryshnikov when he was a young lad in the deep woods of A...rmy.ca.  He was joined there by a n...inkampoop that was known also as H...omer, a poor Greek poet travelling the world as a g...un toting madman, with his trusty side kick M...ary, whose spandex covered l...egs were very long. Mary w... as quite contrary, and often f...found sitting quietly in the dark playing with her g...uns, but kept forgeting how to load it the m...anly way, so she l... (I can't eveen keep up to read it, let alone play it  lol) ...oaded it the Navy way.  After that, she was taken aside and s.... poken to about how the Navy way was always the wrong way, so she went off and c...ried over her spilt r...utabagas, because she would never waste rum like that, and then decided on payback in the w...orst possible way she could d...evise, but being in the Navy she was at a l…oss as to which option to use.  Option A meant that she would t...alk to tess, as he was on to the shenanigans of the characthers on d... (dileas, tess) …-Net, including General Hillier, who at that moment was about to crack open a z... (As a point of order, to properly play we would have to start each post with a successive letter of the alphabet but this is fun too...but stop lobbing softballs like "devise" lol. Have fun with Mr. Zed) ...oo, letting all the animals free, including the sharp as a bag of jello, a...esop, the flying boy wonder, who only recently had v...alium for breakfast, along with b...eans, where he proceeded to p.. (dileas, tess) ...romenade in a manner that was u...nfitting an officer, for which he was c...aught pretending to be with a skirt, on mistaking it for a kilt, where upon h.. (dileas, tess) ...igh winds blew it up, way up.  Imagine the k...eening, not unlike piping itself, at the sight of the l... // You guys can all kiss my a.... amenting of the poor flying boy wonder, who w...scot, a sign of his age, and wardrobe's t...ished with all his might that he could only join the Navy for then he would b… (wow, 2 story lines, it's going to get confusing for the army folk to follow now.  Silly flyboy not following the rules LOL) ...e truly a hairy bag, f...and they're both about me !! (Take that HoM) …rustatians, which stuck to his b… (Aseop, I'm actualy glad to be free of this one) ...urgeoning seabag.  He hefted the hearty sack and s...aluted the traditional one-fingered salute and turned a...round three times to confuse the burly c...hap on duty at the gangway, twice in the opposite direction and then four times again, after which he d...ropped his bag on the deck complaining of back pains and was off to the MIR where Army Medic declared that h...e was unfit life.  He decided then to f...ace into the wind as he b...usied himself with that ever-important naval question: r...um: white, amber, dark, or 151.  W...hat hotel shall he stay at in hawaii...the 5-star or the fhiskey Sours were poured instead, later that day he had to go for i...ruity palm tree escape.  Wake up, you're dreaming!  All of a sudden, the v...on Garvin express pulled up beside the dock and out popped... (? ? ?) (psst, Frankie, you didn't give a letter, I'll just use "M") ...illions of new recruits just waiting to a.... (Left ya hanging like a Hitchcock film.....sorry the letter was P) (Hmmm, I can make that work too...) ...iles of new recruits just waiting to a...rgue with their staff that they had already learned everything on Army.ca, and now they were ready to f...ully take up the challenge of military life, when all of a sudden, out of the sky, drifting softly to ground under full canopy came thier mentor, sense and mommie P...aracowboy...who made it his mission in life to t...ell all the recruits about Airborne life regardless of his chronic i...ron deficiencies, s...assy new hair cut and p...rofile, quick wit and stylish prose, s...hiny boots (great for *** kicking), and lastly his w...ise use of the paraphernalia h...e has left over from the days when he got the peace sign tattoo from the m...arquis, it is a long story, hardly anyone has b...een tattoed in THAT spot before. 

 

[Centurian1985]

The story so far…(Part 2)

If you look real close you can see part of it peeking o...hhhhh who am I kidding, don't look close, don't even look, you risk the w... rath of his 9nr who takes people p...oweraid by the bucket, p...retzels by the bushel, beer by the barrel and se…veral boxes of tic tacs the morning after, but I digress, the train full of eager, para fearing recruits must b...e heading somewhere spectacular because when t...ransvestites wearing leis and grass skirts arrived in the next bus, j...ourneyman's excitement could not be controlled.  it was then that he d...ecided that he wanted to change trade one more time. This time, he would ask the PSO about w...onderful, wonderful, Wonderbra, as he broke into his favourite medley of 1970s television commercial jingles. Unfortunately for him, "Rice-a-Roni" came out wrong, and spittle flew across the room as he gasped out instead, "Rice...A-Roni...The San Francisco T...eat?"  Turning an incandescent shade of red he realized his past as a dairy farmer s...ecreted away in the jungles of Lima, had come to be public knowledge and to alleviate his consternation, f...oaming at the mouth, he charged into the grass skirted crowd, spraying Killex on everyone's midriffs, e...scalating the international situation to DEFCON 3. "Oops" he offered as lame apologia, taking another look at u...nkempt masses, he decided a distraction was needed, with that thought he flailed his arms in the air while running in circles yelling "snakes on a plane... snakes on a plane" to confuse the r...esponding Eco-SWAT team, now hell bent on capturing the Journeyman, dead or alive.  Desperately, he d...ecided to throw caution to the wind.  He would g... et on his radio and call for reinforcements, first call went to H...er Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, who was unfortunately q...uilting and sipping tea.  Her man V...incent was occupied with a shrieking Camilla, and was of no help at all.  So much for the loyal Royals.  Left to his own devices,  Journeyman turned to Tess and asked "w...rath week is just around the corner...just after Stampede.  We can s...leep at a_majoor's place.  Then, for sloth week, we can just lay around the b...asement bar belching beer, brandy, and munching on chips and dip as we watch videos b...y Britney Spears, shot on her last visit to Kandahar.  Boy, would Scott Taylor ever love this stuff!  One shows several Army.ca members s...haking their 'groove things' in their lovely apparel and coining eachother with their challenge coins, while the mods w...were drinking their Shirley Temples and telling each other war stories.  In the next room, l...iver and onion IMPs were all the rage. Unfortunately, in the process of cooking them using tips learned in the Armoured forum, one of the bags p...arboiled, as per the instructions, was left unattended for too, too long and b...egan to ferment resulting in a smell not unlike that of m...uffins cooking, who it should be noted at this time was h...ouse-bound due to the fact that her l...imberger cheese was curing in the b...roiling sun of an Afghan poppy field, under the watchful eye of an e...x-pat Patricia Infidel, who sat cleaning his g...un in the boiling sun, when all of a sudden t...rinity appeared wearing only a grin and a o...ld loin cloth, this terrified Infidel and sent him screaming t...hrough the Bakalakalaka in a vain attempt to save his s...orry butt from the wraith of the almighty l...esser of his two deities, the greater being Ilsa the f...amous SS uniform clad dominatrix, of 70's porn movie fame, who used her w...omanly ways to persuade her counterpart, e...nzo, the cabanna boy wonder dressed in his finest g...reen speedo cleaning the pool while Camochick bossed him around and told him to l...ay some new interlocking brick. Laughing she said "You know what I want you to do now? Try this, w...wrap this towel around you loosely and saunter over by the cabana boy and see if he n...eeds to be given direction on the oily applicaton of the common t...ype of grease, for your swim across the fridgid Straits of Z...ambia. Mockingly, he retorted "Get ready to see the worst case of s, as diagnosed by MM, the new PA and his side kick NO HL, after they had found Paracowboy in the j...jammies of some local guerrillas he captured, stripped naked and tortured with his p... (MM) …entulant use of diction and f...fornication of what was a good guerrila song his v...violin playing accomplice Ashley Macisaac used to notorious effect against Stefan Dion and M...r. Ed, even though no one is really sure who is who, but then s.... ome people think they were twins, separated at birth (like Seinfeld's George Costanza and former Liberal Defence Minister David Collonette).  But who really knew that they were truly c...ommon-law?  Pea did, but as usual she was too busy flirting with H...er imagination, cruising for a bruising, partying to late hours, drinking Margaritas and Moose Milk, hooting with the Owls, now it comes time to fly with the eagles, s...pitting down upon the low-lifes left on the ground. 

 

[Centurian1985]

The story so far…(Part 3)

You know, the ones who are always b...ragging about how they are the next best thing the Army needs.  Only the finest ninjasniperwannabees really deserve to be JTF-2, even if they did fail the urine test a...s tess and che were watching the footy match, howling at the fact that their alcohol count in their urine would even bar them from the east, an... (dileas, tess) …another day of binge drinking and even George Wallace started to look good. Mike Bobbitt walked and commented "In all my years I've never s...een such a great party, where is the cooler?" Just then the a dishevelled and ragged looking man stumbled by!! It was Combat Camera!!! He had been released from the CF after spliting his identy so many times. He looked around at Mike and George and all the other Mods, and b...roke out a photo album, saying "hey, can someone look at me".  However, that someone ended up being Infidel, and Combat Camera soon found himself with an intimate view with an unhappy camel's rear end.  Infidel forced him to t.. ake a picture of that, right before he rammed his c...arefully spit-shone boot into the parade square, executed a textbook about turn, and marched away smartly.  Wasting no more d...imes as one would say in that 'telephone booth'.  Glancing down, with his mind occupied on far greater things, he j...umped on the "MGS is dead bandwagon" and advocated the purchase of twelve d.. ouble doubles at the KAF boardwalk.  Savouring the taste he thought of a...nother cool day in the mid-day sun of downtown Kandahar, sunning himself under the "Golden Arches" when all of a sudden, Hot Lips stuttered in a panic...iberals!!!".  "Quick!!  Everyone hide your wallets and for God's sake don't let them touch your guns!"  Paracowboy happened upon this frenetic scene whereby he t...ook it upon himself to say "Well... so much fer the n...ice neighbourhood Kandahar used to be.  We finally get rid of the Taliban and look who shows up!?"  So, in a fit of angst, he h...elps himself to another Timbit, Large DD, and f...rosted cherry stick, which he is unable to finish before he his interrupted by a massive h...elicopter rented from the Russians.  Paracowboy flips the bird at the bird.  Enraged, Jack Layton and Ujjal Dosanjh emerge from the Hip chopper and Dosanjh demands that the Minister resign immediately.  In a public relations coup, Trinity arranges a UFC rules match between Dosanjh and O'Connor to settle this once and for all.  O'Connor delagtes his task to the new CLS while Dosanjh goes off in search of Sheila Copps.  Meanwhile, Layton runs off to find E...linor Rigby, a fictional character from a Beatles song, but he has faith (or something else) that she really does exist, and has set out on a Holy Quest in search of m...Mr. Bean...because what better place to start looking for a fictional character than with the astute and knowledgeable m...onty python and his flying circus.  t...he Shrubbery must be found, i...n Sunnyvale Trailer Park  during Resident Appreciation Day with a wrestling match between "The Green B@stard and anyone who dares enter the ring.  There must be a l...ady willing to take up the challenge.  "Look!!" screams Armyvern (Sunnyvale is just outside Oromocto, of course).  "It's Sheila Copps!"  Up trundles Tequila Sheila, growling "Dosanjh wants me to beat the crap out of Crosbie.  Where is he??"  Armyvern says "No, not Crosbie.. Leslie.  The new Army commander."  Copps ponders that one for a minute.  Then she asks "Is he g...oing my way?  I need a ride home when this is all over with."  Being the supervisor in situ, Armyvern called up Canadian.Trucker and arranged for the Honey Wagon to come and p...ush the Iltis over a cliff.  Finally, one of those things will do 130 km/h!  Hopefully it doesn't land on t...ess's head on the way down.  If it did hit him on the head, its going to cause one hell of a l.... augh cause tess is imperverious to falling iltis', on the other hand p...oliticians are usually of the stature whereby an Iltis would rebound off their derrieres and those at the top of the cliff may have to run for their lives as it come flying back in their direction with the p...arts falling off like rusty confetti.  Luckily the Iltis misses everything and lands smack-dab in the middle of a swamp, where it sits, now rusting even faster while tree huggers gather to w...ill it as a new job creation program. Who w...ants to know what Mike Bobbit is d...esigning in his basement lab, unknownst to his f...aithful followers, it is a secret experiment that will delight the masses.  It will be the envy of n...ations around the world as it can provide more c...omprehensive controls on the unwarranted remarks of heathens criticizing the very conspiracy theories t...he ndp and other lib-left tree huggers want popularized across the h...emisphere, perpetuating stories in the media that A Journalist made d...isparaging remarks about the faithful crew of a tiny ship, lost on a three-hour c...artoon, or is that an anime, from Japan with delightful full b...reasts of Swiss Chalet chicken and a full spread of s...auerkraut and a healthy supply of beer pilfered from HitorMiss (he'll never notice). 

 

[Centurian1985]

The story so far…(Part 4)

All was well until q...uarter past midnight, of the night before the morning after, when v...indictive HoM DID notice the missing beer.  Oh no, the wrath to be had.  Was this the start of the revolution?  Already? What was one to do when n...efarious prose providers seek solace in one's supply of suds.  Alas, p...oor Yorick! I knew him, Horati...o.  For i come n...ightly in my wildest dreams and ambitions j.... ...ust imagining how I could be more like Journeyman.  It's a d...rastic measure, but someone has to do it.  S...illiness abounds, but after all, it is the internet, and we cannot be t...oo careful.  What boundaries are safe around these crazy m... (Brilliant, you guys are always comng up with something new...) …unchkins start slagging eachother down, starting with C...enturian1985, a fine wine from a fine year, a good earthy aroma, and f...ull bodied ladies who serve piping hot coffee to tired s...tunned bananas such as ourselves and some of our f...oreign bretheren from the land Down Under.  Others, such as the Space Patrol, take things way too seriously resulting in i...intestinal blockages requiring enemas and other c...orresponding reams of paperwork that are necessitated after such a procedure is performed on the p...re-pubescent trolls who occasionally crawl out from under their AirSoft cam nets to poke GO!!! with pointy sticks.  Usually this r...equires a lot of skulduggery, and guess or Guest, were quite proficient at this daring d...isplay of Reg/Res "penis envy" competitions, none of which resulted in any thing more than a drawn out "my dad can beat your dad" sandbox fight w...with witless f...its of misplaced a...ngst brought about by l...arge quantities of beer and testosterone, with a cumpleat disregard for speling, punktuashun or cawmun kurtessie.  Mods soon appear to restore order and spread f...ar-fetched rumours in a vain attempt to explain why everything turned red, when in reality, j...ourneyman had a little too much to d... (I can believe I made a spelling error after Haggis' post...) ...o one night when he wasn't being beckoned.  And so he reverted to his old passion of arts and crafts and wine and n....arcotics, Hard narcotics.  The type that m...om told him to stay away from. Amongst the other evils of ladies of the night and j...ihad...w...hich was her secret code word for hard narcotics. The more he thought about it the more he was convinced she was actually a mod, trying to either beat some sense into him or p...put his butt in Club Ed, but he would go civy before he would let that happen, and once you are a civy the likelihood of being punished severely is n...ext to nil, especially if you have a crusading, media savvy lawyer with well coiffed hair and a killer smile, who likes t...o compare the differences between Royals and Patricias on his spare time, lining them up all parade like, noting the variations of their tac vests, footwear, and eye wear, as well, in the case of one bunch, left breathless by their sharp precision drill, compared to the slovenly p...ainted rocks by the other. Most alarming though, is the e...xcess of gravy dripping off the lips of "E Coy, LdSH (RC)".  Those former members of TOW Platoon of the PPCLI have really gone native and have embraced the ways of the o...ne we banned long ago, by the name of TacSit, and his plethora of kool kit, o...ff the shelf battery powered nav gizmos and "hard core" unit t-shirts.  Not that we miss him or the d...iversions he caused while randomly posting under the name of <insert element>matters.  If for only a m...oment von Garvin gets briefly mentioned, and then fades away into the shadows.  Then, suddenly, and without warning, I might add, from left field came the loudest p...rotestations of all, Hot Lips felt that Mud Recce Man, on his way to his CT, should get an Honourable Mention, so in that vein from the q...ueer eye for the straight guy, someone in NDHQ realized that not all soldiers who wear kilts can play the pipes (something Michael Dorosh is driven to correct by grooming the first piper CDS since de Chastalain).  Meanwhile back in Army.ca chat, camochick is b...elittling HoM for his general insensitivity to the "weaker" sex.  HoM, to be fair, is struggling under the psychological weight of acculturation manifested in the weeds of Meaford and the strange emanations from the internet that bleeds red into his eyeballs on Canada Day. Now, less k...indred spirits dance across computer screens, seemingly drawn out of the gloom by the Red Devilsih glow of silentbutdeadly's lastest posts. 

 

[Centurian1985]

The story so far…(Part 5)

Eerily, as Canada Day wears on, this reddish hue turns to a darker shade, somehow reminiscent of a large cup o...pulently adorned with figureens of tiny Ex-Dragoons on shore leave in those quintessential places that a HollywoodHitman would find himself q...uite comfortable in sharing a beer with journeyman, regaling each other with tales about 2Cdo and his time in Petawawa, in the next stall there sat A...rmymedic, rinsing out old bandages and field dressings to re-use them, thereby saving the CF money needed to buy custom chest rigs for the new JTF2 cadet corps in Franktown which is, not coincidentally, the home of Ottawa's weather rader station (or is it REALLY weathar radar?).  AESOP81, we have heard, will be the first CO of the 90210 JTF2 RCACC, but n...now von Garvin was heard in the corner of the bar, crying over a small glass of strawberry zinfandel, as he struggled to differentiate between Michael Jackson and Michael Jackson, the fact that both like a 12-year-old was just too confusing, s...o he looked to paracowboy for advice, he referred him to Bobbit who finally referred him to Infidel who said, "Dirka Dirka Mohammed Ali Jihad my guns are bigger than your guns so I w... (that dirka dirka not to be confused with the pittsburgh ultimate frisbee team ((I poop you not)) link http://www.pittsburgh-ultimate.org/cgi-bin/league/team.pl?league=foul04;team=DRKA) …want you to do me a favor and take this packet of glowing Maple Syrup (of mysterious origin I might add) to Ottawa for RV 2006, where Edward Campbell is waiting on the corner of Wellington and O'Conner (the street that is), holding half of a w…hiskey bottle, he wasn't to sure where the other half went, just that it was gone and he couldn't d...ecipher anything posted by Tamouh, ColinP or anyone else who forgoes the rules of speling 'n grammur in favour of "MSN Speek", without a full bottle in front of him.  Woah a long week it will be!  Then along came Tess, flask in hand, to brighten Edwards day.  Just as the flask of finely aged Glenfiddich approached the learned poster's lips, out of the shadows sprang the omnipresent Trinity screaming s..."...top, wait a minute, what do you think your doing?  That's not way to treat an expensive musical instrument."  But Tess calmly turned to Trinity and p...assed him Edward's half empty bottle, whereupon a manly hug ensued as Trinity mumbled a prayer.  3rd Horseman, now masquerading as a heterosexual Mountie on the hill, saw this and galloped at full speed, against traffic, on Wellington Street.  Charging towards the three, he l...eaned down from his mount as he raced down towards them.  Reaching for the bottle, he suddenly realized that he was on the wrong side of the horse.  When he came to...with the imprint of a light standard on his forhead, he managed to sit up and ask; " Why did you f...orego the chance to vote Socred when you had the chance?"  Armymedic was nearby, enjoying a drink with Navymich when the sound of brain housing group striking light standard jolted him out of his "leisure suit larry" mode.  "I must bid thee a fond farewell," he said, as Navymich put down her pretzel and glanced up into his eyes.  A sudden chill went down her spine as she realised that w... we are now  discussing a nationwide sports bra video for Army.ca members and this s...trangely enough has some of our chubbier male members in it as well as favorites such as Pea, Camochick, H...ot Lips. When interviewed by the CBC they had this to say "W...hen have 'chubby male members' ever been so openly discussed in a public forum? Its an outrage!" to which the husband of Hot Lips replied "S... (I notice that the longer the thread goes, the longer the replies are getting!!) ...ucks to be you if you`re a f...riend of Freud and make a little bit of a slip.  Recceguy, stepped right up to the plate and s....wore openly about the huge number in NDHQ.  "No wonder the gym is always empty!" he groaned.  Recce By Death noted that Ottawa seems to be a magnet for chubby male members, some of whom really are hard core pricks once you get to know them.  Others, it seems, are simply a pain in the a...rea where most of their thought processes originate.  When they have a painswessex, they usually groan in agony at the prospects of the s...urgeon actually re-inserting their spine.  Maybe now they will make a friggin' decision instead of using "leadership by PER score".  But, hey, that's just me.  Boots, who's no longer cute, has given up on trying to survive on good looks alone (look how it's affected poor ol' von Garvin).  Time to get posted back to a "real" unit like t...F 3-06, which was preparing to leave Petawawa with the Governor General smuggled aboard an RG-31 so she could finally go to downtown Kandahar where she could not only claim to have gotten dustier than that previous GG whatshername, but also get in some shopping downtown, where there is reputed to be a wonderful selection of g..."going to school play" dresses. 

 

[Centurian1985]

The story so far…(Part 6)

And while she was shopping, she received an invitation for a one-time event that she knew she couldn't miss no matter who's birthday it might be.  It was the Great V... isionary a_majoor who once pontificated that there is much more value in the CV_CT turret than the current MGS turret, but that then brings up the eminent questions of the social and economic ramifications of Goldielocks and the Three Bears on the Canadian Defence Budget forcasts into the next millennium, and we all know what j...am and peanut butter looks like on bread, of which the probability of it falling sticky side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.  All that being said, we can now deduce that Gil Grissom really did sleep with Sara Sidel and Scully will never work in Las Vegas unless she ditches Mulder and gets some new clothes!  So where are we now?  It's s...imply eighteen pages of continuous prattle on the various attitudes and altitudes achieved ascending achievements made here on army.ca in the j....aunty fashion that e....exemplifies the many amazing personalities that make Army.ca the wonderful site it is.  Kuddos to t...he "Big Cheese" Mike Bobbitt, three "b's", two "t's", and his will to i...ndulge those of us who have too much time on our hands in our hope that this thread will surpass the size of any previous thread on JTF2, Reg vs Res, or other topics of "chubby male member" envy, while at the same time being far more entertaining than the aforementioned topics.  To that end, as we march towards page 20, I tip my b...ottomless glass and cheer you with a wee dram, a taste of the Haggis, and the sweet smell of the wet heather (wet sheep are another thing....) and the fresh morning dew p...roducing a thousand tiny rainbows in the bright light of a new day, emanating from great drops of water on the tip of each wire barb in No Man's Land, as we look across the nine decades to the Somme battlefield and feel deep respect for those who have gone before us.  Now, in the current era i... ..nfantry typically fill their Camelbacs with Perrier and use PRRs to text message their buddies. Despite the changing attitudes which drive the Sergeant-Major up the wall, underneath the body piercings and tough guy tats these really are the same sort of people who stormed Vimy Ridge or fought it out in Kapyong, and we still see that cheerful smile when they turn and look back at you just before driving out the gate in Kandahar.  Although the rules and regulations are against it , all of us can still count on Wes to have cold beers ready and a big plate of s...... ...teaks (rare) when the plane lands, maybe even a band, like the Chili Peppers or t...he Ramones.  Warm weather, humidity and sandy beaches, await those i..... in Nova Scotia, as the weather has been anything but summer like.  Although the International Tattoo certainly was an enjoyable time and allowed one to forget the ongoing weather issues here in good ole NS.  Weather report sunny today, c... ..umulous clouds cumulating quietly in Quebec, questioning, querying and g.. ...rowing in size and power, silently poised to ruin yet another summer weekend.  Though you may dare to pitch your tent, raise your umbrella or bait your hook, the  Hammer of Thor  awaits you in low hanging, heavy and ominous clouds which will appear just after supper next Friday.  Beware those who w....... who think that they'd have a better chance winning the lottery than getting hit by lightning, it could s...urely be noted that they who venture forth with sunblock, and Bug Juice, tempt Mother Nature, in her finest, to shyte on their parade, as they proudly p...rance nekkid in the rain, becomeing nothing more than a beer soaked, hairy grounding rod for the blinding flash of wrath from "He Who Created All" once He ses how this denzien of modern society is scaring the small animals.  "Boom!"  says the voice on high.  "You a...arrogant little excuses for flesh and bone!" then throws down an angel or two in disgust as he sees the reaction of infantry soldiers to his massive downpour over the fieldss of Connaught south of Ottawa.  Instead of hiding in fear or trying to rescue their kit as it floats out of the tents, the mad drunken bastards are grabbing serving trays from the mess hall and bodysurfing on the ponds of water formed by his massive release of p...utride barf, the chunks of which one has never seen before, laying waste to the gravel parking lot, and creating an instant slalom course for our surfers.  Not to be undone, several have climbed up onto the balcony roof and standing on the edge "Jab" v...von Garvin bared his nether regions in a bold and daring move of defiance, 'mooning' the entire Gurkha Team.  With pants around his ankles, the rabid hell-rasier took one of Wallace's combat boots and began to drink beer out of it. 

 

[Centurian1985]

The story so far…(Part 7 of 7 - whew!)

Their actions were halted by none other than x...X-men's Wolverine...who wiped out his steel claws and proceeded to puncture 20 beer kegs which were sitting beside the parking lot...the wave of beer from the punctured kegs caused a wave and washed all of the putrid emesis down the drains...Navymich was standing back in awe of this handsome creature, as t...he Meatheads came flying around the corner, Lights a flashing, Siren a screaming, Tim Horton's streaming down the side of their car, inertia flinging the box of Timbits outwards across the dash towards the outside of the turn; a true demonstration of Einstein's Theory of Relativity, as if in slow motion g.... going "SPLAT" against the windscreen, at the same time causing the coffee to spill in their laps, causing a great almighty c... (MM) ...ry heard all the way to Kandahar.  Around the K-town Timmys, heads popped up and ears turned westward towards the mournful sound of a cup of spilled double double, splashing onto the cruiser floor mats.  In the days following the disaster, Canadian soldiers everywhere were heard to say "....silly men!  All you had to do is wring out the carpets and you would have saved 85% of the coffee.  Meatheads!  Not to swift in t...the ways of preventing caffiene abuse.  As a direct result of this incident, a special investigative body was formed with the moniker of C...AFFIENE (I'll get back to you in the meaning) .  But before they can sort out our hapless pair, up struts Geo, his RSM stache waxed to a rapier's point, spit shined boots gleaming in the roof lights of the cruiser.  "OUT YOU!!" he screams as the two MPs add urine to the puddle on the floor.  Frozen in terror, they stare at this malevolent sight: a real, live Army Chief in full rage!  Menacingly, he leans in the cruiser window. His eyes dancing with hell fire, he points to the perimeter fence some two kilometers distant and rumbles "GO!!!"  Immediately, the pair egresses thier soiled patrol unit and sprints towards the faint line on the horizon.  O'Leary sidles up to Geo and whispers "They're headed towards the wrong fence, aren't they?"  N....No - not the MP`s.  Could just be a combination of fear and caffiene withdrawl; not an uncommon problem in that line of work I hear.  On the bright side, they won`t be a...rresting their development without the joys of physical activity.  Spec Pay just covers the costs of coffee and Timbits, when they are 'lost in action'.  Over on the fenceline, overgrown with weeds, in the marshland of the back forty, our two have become disorientated.  They use their trusty Motorolas and call in for help.  They are instructed to put the moon over their left shoulders and that should now have them facing Mecca; which will point them in the direction of the West Gate s... so they can now find their way to the local Timmy's.  W....Where Hot Lips is already...treating MM, OM, AM and the lot to coffee...as all good m...men should know, Hot Lips works hard to be a good cook, but sometimes the bright purple hair and singing can ruin your appetite (see other thread).  Fortunately our two wayward MPs have hearts of gold and stomachs of iron, and avoid polluting the ground around them with further pools of unmentionable liquids. Meanwhile back at the O.K. Timmy's in Kandahar, t... the red hatted waifs have returned, hoping to get a freebie handout/refill due" to circumstances beyond their control" causing them to commit caffiene and fat pill abuse all in the same motion.  Of course the manager looks at them like the 4 headed aliens she thinks they are, dressed as the are in l... ...ndiana Jone's next sequel, "In Search of the Monkey, the Franko Saga", and chasing a wild  Dissident, career_radio-checker, down to the docks o....f Kandahar, a well-meaning but questionable project funded by a variety of UN coastal nations, whose justification was that so much commerce comes by sea, that it could only benefit A-stan to have one of their own.  Disappointingly, this p...yramid scheme can only be effected in the wilds of the Great White North's Capital City, that Wild West, Roaring Twenty's Town, Bytown (or Ottawa to some) where the wheeling and dealing in the next Supply and Services Contracts unfold in darkened back rooms of the Roan Oak Golf Course under the watchful eye of Z....Zulu warriors who are still peeved that they are protrayed in films as having been bested by a small British force of m... Memsahbs with their penchant for blue hair and Pink Gin w...wth those funny little umbrellas for keeping the hot sun of the side of the glass they are drinking off of.  Meanwhile in the Great White North's capital city, rumblings are being heard in p...ubs and bars that next Canada Day will be dry.  However, Gatineau city council has requested federal funding to build a beer chute joining Ottawa and Gatineau.  The Americans immediately cried foul stating that they could easily sell American near beer, brewed under NAFTA rules, in Major's Hill Park, across from the Embassy.  The Liberals jumped on this, bringing a motion in Parilament that would allow people of all ages to consume the American beer because it's not "real" beer.  In protest, Carolyn Parrish was seen to stomp on a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon on the steps of the US Embassy.  The Marine Security Guards i...ncited by fits of laughter, did all they could to remain in the vertical, as opposed to the horizontal, position.  When the crowds stopped chuckling at her faux pax, she slithered away to find a more hospitable group.  She was half way to Windsor before she found a poor deaf, dumb, blind geezer whom she could drink with.  When he realized who she was, he o...pened up his bottle and polished it off. Next he pulled down his ... I Love The NDP" flag that he was wrapped up in a...his "?" being interpretted as a gasp of astonishment that a person could actually fumble a phrase handoff in a simple forum thread.  "IF YOU CANT HAND OFF A SIMPLE LINE, HOW CAN YOU EXPECT TO DEFEND THE COUNTRY!" GW yelled at poor Whiskey601, who by this time was wishing he had gone back to edit his own work j... (Edit) ...just as Bruce had entered his line about a flag that could have upset the thread and the very fabric of the universe with a... an out of character "I love the Liberals" shout of j...jubilation that shook the very foundations of Army.ca, and might have measured 4.5 on the Richter scale if enough subscribers had coughed up the dough for Mike to afford a decent compu-Richter detector.  Nevertheless, the happy web-surfing horde eagerly flipped backed to Reply #300 for news of what was happening in Windsor as t...he conversation was sidelined by the latest on "Military Parades" the summer "Replacement Killer" for the "Will Canada be invaded for its Water" conspiracy.  Not better, but worse in the Monkey business, Franks monkey was found roaming aimlessly in Area 51 (Yes there is one and we had it first) at DRES.  He had a scorpion in one paw and a rattlesnake in the other, and was i.....

 

[George Wallace]

Well done all.

Let's stay on Track.

End your post with the first letter of the next word. 

Next person starts their post using the rest of the word, ending with a letter to a word.  That letter must be the letter following the first letter of their post in the alphabet.  (Just to make it a little more interesting and challenging.   ;D )



Something like t.....


...his is how i....


....t would work if you carry on u....


...nusual taskings o.....


Anyway, we left off with an "i".....

 

[vonGarvin]

..nstantly aware that "Area 51" in Gagetown was nothing like "Area 51" from "Independance Day".  So with a flurry he turned to face the sun off in the sky and was shocked to see that n...

 

[navymich]

Going by George's newest rule, then VonG's post should have ended with the letter "o", correct?

....minvores and herbivores alike were frolicking in the fields at the "Sports Bra Video" premiere.  The beer flowed like, uh, beer and the rum just as fast.  Von Garvin had, as promised, supplied the meat.  But dark clouds threatened the joyous occasion.  For nearby were the fun police just waiting for their moment to wreck havoc on this day of celebration.  N.....

 

[vonGarvin]

..avymich seemed to enjoy pointing and laughing at the serving of "meat" at the feast.  B...

 

[George Wallace]

...east Master chuckled, until he realized that he was now a star in a Mad Magazine spread and his faithful sidekick had been replaced by Tigre from Walt Disney.  F...

 

[Haggis]

...inally bringing some sense and structure to this thread.  Too bad we couldn't do the same thing at NDHQ!  G....