Snow jokes ?
- Thread starter observor 69
- Start date
Scratch_043
Sr. Member
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
That people falling down video made me hurt, especially that fellow near the end who met with the vaulting horse.
With this one, looks like the kids are going to be doing their part this year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aamcWdGG8kk
With this one, looks like the kids are going to be doing their part this year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aamcWdGG8kk
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 430
Hmmm hmmm hmmm snow day
snow day
my pretty little snow day
snow day
hmm hmmm you're comming in my weather has made it better for me
Hmmm hmmm hmmm snow day
snow day
my pretty little snow day
snow day
hmm hmmm you're comming in my weather has made it better for me
Hmmm hmmm hmmm snow day
;D
;D
Woman allegedly groped Santa
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Article Link
DANBURY, Conn. - The woman who sat on Santa's lap was naughty, not nice.
Police say a woman has been charged with sexual assault after a Santa at the Danbury Fair mall complained the woman groped him. "The security officer at the mall said Santa Claus has been sexually assaulted," police Det. Lt. Thomas Michael said of the weekend complaint.
Sandrama Lamy, 33, of Danbury, was charged with sexual assault and breach of peace. She was released on a promise to appear in court Jan. 3.
Police quickly found and identified Lamy because the suspect was described as being on crutches, said Capt. Bob Myles.
A call seeking comment from Lamy was answered by a recording Tuesday morning. A woman later called back and said: "It's a false report and I don't have any idea."
Police did not give the name of the disconcerted Santa, but they said he was 65 and felt badly because children were waiting to see him.
"He was apparently shocked and embarrassed by the whole incident," Myles said.
A man who teaches hundreds of prospective Santas each year - (Santa Tim) Connaghan, president of RealSantas.com - said he's never heard of a similar incident, though it's not unusual for adults to want to pose with Santa.
"I've had some very nice ladies sit on my lap," said Connaghan, who did not train the Danbury Fair Santa.
"Once in a while they'll say: 'I hope Mrs. Claus isn't going to be upset.' You have to be discreet and kind and say 'Oh no, she'll be OK. You can sit here, but only for one photo."'
More on link
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Article Link
DANBURY, Conn. - The woman who sat on Santa's lap was naughty, not nice.
Police say a woman has been charged with sexual assault after a Santa at the Danbury Fair mall complained the woman groped him. "The security officer at the mall said Santa Claus has been sexually assaulted," police Det. Lt. Thomas Michael said of the weekend complaint.
Sandrama Lamy, 33, of Danbury, was charged with sexual assault and breach of peace. She was released on a promise to appear in court Jan. 3.
Police quickly found and identified Lamy because the suspect was described as being on crutches, said Capt. Bob Myles.
A call seeking comment from Lamy was answered by a recording Tuesday morning. A woman later called back and said: "It's a false report and I don't have any idea."
Police did not give the name of the disconcerted Santa, but they said he was 65 and felt badly because children were waiting to see him.
"He was apparently shocked and embarrassed by the whole incident," Myles said.
A man who teaches hundreds of prospective Santas each year - (Santa Tim) Connaghan, president of RealSantas.com - said he's never heard of a similar incident, though it's not unusual for adults to want to pose with Santa.
"I've had some very nice ladies sit on my lap," said Connaghan, who did not train the Danbury Fair Santa.
"Once in a while they'll say: 'I hope Mrs. Claus isn't going to be upset.' You have to be discreet and kind and say 'Oh no, she'll be OK. You can sit here, but only for one photo."'
More on link
J
Jacqueline
Guest
Her's a letter from good ol' Barbie! (classic) heheh
Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:
Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.
6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!
8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.
It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996
Dear Santa:
Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:
Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.
6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!
8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas.
It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
Timmy!
Army.ca Veteran
- Reaction score
- 2
- Points
- 430
Recce By Death said:The town of Petawawa hasn't plowed the freakin' streets of the half foot of snow as of 0900 this morning. :
Regards
MSE Op at work ;D
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 110
Here's a good joke - during last years blizzard in Saskatoon - and it was a doozy... the city realized the full uselessness of their current level of emergency preparedness. With the blizzard at full force, and a record amount of snow being dropped. The city shut down at noon and sent everybody home. 250,000 commuting in the worst blizzard in a long time (I think the wind speeds are 50 years, and snowfall in 25 - but don't quote me on that - any weather geeks out there want to help?)
I work for the local ambulance service, was On Call - so I went in, as my cell phone was not working, the towers were jammed. I assume everybody calling everybody to say - "look outside, there's a blizzard" and "yeah I know, I'm stuck behind you in traffic" - so I went in, and we still had our everyday calls, made worse because the city only "clears" the major arteries once a year whether they need it or not. And by cleared, I mean driving over them with plows and front end loaders to pack the snow down. Or piling the snow in the middle of the street - no really, in winter, we have meridians where there usually aren't, and people still try to squeeze two lanes of traffic between them and the parked cars. I've seen trucks hauling snow out of the city, but I'm pretty sure they fill those with a snow-making machine, because, I've never seen snow actually removed from the city streets... which by noon, were jammed by 250,000 commuters, so we took uncleared side streets, and still got stuck in traffic. It was a gong show.
Well, one of the guys I work with had a call from his kids school - "Please come pick up your kids, there's a blizzard, we have to get the Teachers home". He kindly told them that the safest place in a blizzard was indoors - and NOT DRIVING HOME - and that he worked with the City's Emergency Services, and due to the current Emergency - aka blizzard - he was unable to pick up his kids. The school whined and cried that it was really important they get the teachers home. Yep - every school in the city puked every kid at noon, then called all their parents to come get them. Despite the fact that schools are routinely used EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD as emergency shelters because they have the facilities to provide plumbing, heat, and shelter to large groups.
Furthermore, when I finally dug out my driveway with the help of the neighbours snowblower (which convinced me to get my own) the city plowed my street for the FIRST time that year (remember this is Mid January in one of the snowiest winters in over a decade) and plowed onto the sidewalk they then tried to pass a bylaw that said it was my responsibility to keep clear (successfully passed this year). There's no sidewalk across from me. Just a meridian, that no one walks on or drives over. It is quite possibly the perfect place to plow snow onto. After a rudely worded email and vmail, the sidewalks for the entire length of our streets were cleared and the snow dumped on the meridian.
Well, yesterday we had our blizzard of '08. It started Sunday night and ended around 1800 Monday. Slower windspeeds, less snow fell - and was dragged out for an entire day... so it wasn't the too bad, except I had to fire up the snowblower at 0500 just to get to work, clearing myself a path so I could hit the drifts at the end of the street with some decent speed. Got home at 1800, and spent over 2 hrs blowing my driveway, the sidewalks, and the street in front of my house. Yep, I snowblow the street in front of my house. Most people on the street do, because we know the city won't do it.
And all for only $4000 per year in taxes.
But you know what the best joke of all is? The temperature right now. -37.2 before windchill is taken into effect. -51 after windchill.
tlm.
I work for the local ambulance service, was On Call - so I went in, as my cell phone was not working, the towers were jammed. I assume everybody calling everybody to say - "look outside, there's a blizzard" and "yeah I know, I'm stuck behind you in traffic" - so I went in, and we still had our everyday calls, made worse because the city only "clears" the major arteries once a year whether they need it or not. And by cleared, I mean driving over them with plows and front end loaders to pack the snow down. Or piling the snow in the middle of the street - no really, in winter, we have meridians where there usually aren't, and people still try to squeeze two lanes of traffic between them and the parked cars. I've seen trucks hauling snow out of the city, but I'm pretty sure they fill those with a snow-making machine, because, I've never seen snow actually removed from the city streets... which by noon, were jammed by 250,000 commuters, so we took uncleared side streets, and still got stuck in traffic. It was a gong show.
Well, one of the guys I work with had a call from his kids school - "Please come pick up your kids, there's a blizzard, we have to get the Teachers home". He kindly told them that the safest place in a blizzard was indoors - and NOT DRIVING HOME - and that he worked with the City's Emergency Services, and due to the current Emergency - aka blizzard - he was unable to pick up his kids. The school whined and cried that it was really important they get the teachers home. Yep - every school in the city puked every kid at noon, then called all their parents to come get them. Despite the fact that schools are routinely used EVERYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD as emergency shelters because they have the facilities to provide plumbing, heat, and shelter to large groups.
Furthermore, when I finally dug out my driveway with the help of the neighbours snowblower (which convinced me to get my own) the city plowed my street for the FIRST time that year (remember this is Mid January in one of the snowiest winters in over a decade) and plowed onto the sidewalk they then tried to pass a bylaw that said it was my responsibility to keep clear (successfully passed this year). There's no sidewalk across from me. Just a meridian, that no one walks on or drives over. It is quite possibly the perfect place to plow snow onto. After a rudely worded email and vmail, the sidewalks for the entire length of our streets were cleared and the snow dumped on the meridian.
Well, yesterday we had our blizzard of '08. It started Sunday night and ended around 1800 Monday. Slower windspeeds, less snow fell - and was dragged out for an entire day... so it wasn't the too bad, except I had to fire up the snowblower at 0500 just to get to work, clearing myself a path so I could hit the drifts at the end of the street with some decent speed. Got home at 1800, and spent over 2 hrs blowing my driveway, the sidewalks, and the street in front of my house. Yep, I snowblow the street in front of my house. Most people on the street do, because we know the city won't do it.
And all for only $4000 per year in taxes.
But you know what the best joke of all is? The temperature right now. -37.2 before windchill is taken into effect. -51 after windchill.
tlm.
