Will Canada be invaded for its' water?

[Shec]

This resource must be regulated.  If we are going to re-surrect Jerry Garcia might I suggest that we make him "head" of the International Joint Commission and expand its mandate to include both water and maple syrup.

 

[GAP]

ExSarge
Fellows, this whole water thing has been a scam! I was beamed up to the mother ship last night and got the straight poop from the Big Head himself! Oh, by the way when you are beamed up, if he wants to "probe you" say no!

I think he “probed you”  anyway. Just look how focused you are towards the poor little (hic) Pamela Anderson and those other poor waifs who only have a few clothes to wear.  Why, if I didn’t know better, I would think….

The plot is being master minded by the maharajah of Jam Jar. His goal, cornering the world maple syrup market!

Ah…that kook has been doing that for years, ever since he was able to teach his pet rock to eat the stuff, he’s been wanting to Maple Syrup this, and Maple Syrup that! It didn’t go over that well with the Buddhists….something about a sticky-wicket?

I kinda like the idea of out producing them though. I will take some of your suggestions to mind and work on them. Question: does that mean we have to have cattle wandering around everywhere? I kinda like my Teen Burgers!!

A_Majoor: maple syrup WILL gum up the ionic funnels. As well, has anyone given any thought at all to the stresses we would be putting on those poor Maple Trees? To fill the Rocky Mountain Trench just initially, let alone a constant flow, would require the total conscription of the CF, US Armed Forces, all new immigrants for the first 5 years, and anybody who does not know how to use a spellchecker for 2 years, to plant and maintain all the trees throughout the prairies (bye bye never-ending horizon in Sask!!).

But I do like the vision of "maple syrup skiing" in the Rockies!! Would the ski bunnies then be called sticky bunnies??

It would totally isolate the Space Patrol. Conscripting them would be useless, because like all Zoomies, we can’t get them off their butts for anything but zooming around!!

 

[ExSarge]

I think he “probed you”  anyway. Just look how focused you are towards the poor little (hic) Pamela Anderson and those other poor waifs who only have a few clothes to wear.  Why, if I didn't’t know better, I would think….

You make it sound as if I have impure thoughts about those poor wee lasses. Why I feel nothing but brotherly love for Pam and the others (well if their brother came from the Ozarks).

would require the total conscription of the CF, US Armed Forces, all new immigrants for the first 5 years, and anybody who does not know how to use a spellchecker for 2 years, to plant and maintain all the trees throughout the prairies (bye bye never-ending horizon in Sask!!).

But I do like the vision of "maple syrup skiing" in the Rockies!! Would the ski bunnies then be called sticky bunnies??

OK theres a problem with this, if they are all planting trees who's going to reproduce. I'm not doing it all myself! I mean jeez, I'm willing to do my bit but...although my wife has told me I have the body of a 20 year old! Although now that I think about it she did mumble something about giving it back because I was getting it all wrinkled and stretched out of shape!

Our defensive strategy must hinge on the use of weapons of maximum absorption, French toast and pancakes! Our delivery systems, Ski Bunnies...wearing skimpy little outfits with tanned firm thighs and big...sorry starting to drift off to my happy place again! They will be referred to as FTP Delivery agents or FTPA's for short! They will not be referred to as sticky bunnies, although they will propably have sticky buns! If you play your cards right I might assign you to clean up detail. No promises, we'll see how you shape up.

All hail the Big Head!

 

[GAP]

You make it sound as if I have impure thoughts about those poor wee lasses. Why I feel nothing but brotherly love for Pam and the others (well if their brother came from the Ozarks).

I almost believed you there, until in the next quote, you take your Cialis/Viagra, and slip up.....sigh....slip up....sigh....slip up....

OK theres a problem with this, if they are all planting trees who's going to reproduce. I'm not doing it all myself! I mean jeez, I'm willing to do my bit but...although my wife has told me I have the body of a 20 year old! Although now that I think about it she did mumble something about giving it back because I was getting it all wrinkled and stretched out of shape!

You've never heard of coffee breaks, lunch breaks, copy rooms, etc....guy, where you bin workin' huh?????
As for the 20 year old comment, you sure she wasn't commenting about getting one for herself??? No offense intended, but I always used to tell my wife that as soon as she reached 40 I was going to trade her in for 2  20year olds.  I wonder what she's doing now  :

Our defensive strategy must hinge on the use of weapons of maximum absorption, French toast and pancakes! Our delivery systems, Ski Bunnies...wearing skimpy little outfits with tanned firm thighs and big...sorry starting to drift off to my happy place again! They will be referred to as FTP Delivery agents or FTPA's for short! They will not be referred to as sticky bunnies, although they will propably have sticky buns! If you play your cards right I might assign you to clean up detail. No promises, we'll see how you shape up.

Now, here you are thinking!!!  FTPA's are just what the doctor ordered!! Just thinking of going to work with Sticky Buns Bunnys is distracting, so we convert it to food....uh...are you hungry after an hour?

All hail the Big Head!

Stop with the fantasies already !!  ;D

 

[ExSarge]

The Big Head is not a fantasy! You to can get beamed up if you don't believe me. just take the hair dryer into the shower with you! You'll see he comes to you out of the light! Although you don't want to visits him to often, the intergalactic thought police make you spend time in a rubber room if they catch you! Although on the up side, the drugs they give you aren't all that bad!

Oh by the way you are definitely not being assigned to clean up detail if you maintain that attitude!

 

[GAP]

Ahhh....come on.....please    ;D ;D ;D

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Two years ago I took the "Thought Police for the Front Line Officer" course at Canadian Police College.  One of the instructors was there on an international secondment from the Intergalactic unit.  He had some awesome stories about "Big Head" and his proclivity towards maple kippers and their use as bedroom aids.  He also let slip, however, that the vast majority of ice on Callisto, one of Jupiter's moons, is in fact maple syrup.  Seems that for eons, the Elvis/Jesus fleet has been harvesting maple syrup and storing it there for the "Great Sweetening".  You can tell by the colour of the moon just how much they already have stored:

http://www.windows.ucar.edu/tour/link=/jupiter/moons/callisto.html

Ultimately, it was a syrup leak that jammed up Jesus control panel and caused him to get stuck in an ice field.  The Savior now listens to our prayers from there, and awaits the day when technology catches up and he is rescued.  He is a loving Savior, albeit sticky and a bit pissed off at Elvis for leaving the syrup ballast plug loose.  The rescue is inevitable, hence, the obvious divine influence in the ongoing plans here. 
We are all part of the grand scheme, and we are making it happen.  Right here. Right now! 
DAMN THE TINFOIL, WE ARE ON A ROLL HERE PEOPLE!!!!

 

[a_majoor]

How much aluminum foil does this "Big Head" guy need for coverage anyway?

 

[GAP]

He had some awesome stories about "Big Head" and his proclivity towards maple kippers and their use as bedroom aids

see below  :

He also let slip, however, that the vast majority of ice on Callisto, one of Jupiter's moons, is in fact maple syrup.  Seems that for eons, the Elvis/Jesus fleet has been harvesting maple syrup and storing it there for the "Great Sweetening".  You can tell by the colour of the moon just how much they already have stored:

Yeah, Yeah, he's one of those guys where everything he does is bigger, better, faster, longer, etc. etc..... We used to listen to him in the mess hall at Space Patrol Headquarters. Guess what....he's the dishwasher.   :

I heard that rumor before, but hadn't put much credence to it, but the pic kinda confirms it. For those not familiar with Castillo, I have taken the liberty of pointing out the main maple syrup pools. So, at least in respect to Castillo, he's not blowing hot air after all...go figure.  

Ultimately, it was a syrup leak that jammed up Jesus control panel and caused him to get stuck in an ice field.  The Savior now listens to our prayers from there, and awaits the day when technology catches up and he is rescued.  He is a loving Savior, albeit sticky and a bit pissed off at Elvis for leaving the syrup ballast plug loose.  The rescue is inevitable, hence, the obvious divine influence in the ongoing plans here.  
We are all part of the grand scheme, and we are making it happen.  Right here. Right now!  

Now just hold on there buddy.....this sounds an awful lot like one of those "me too" schemes!!

If the above is correct, how come Jesus was at the party after that big gay parade in TO the other day.  To hear the stories, he wasn't feeling any pain. So much for the jammed up control panel. I think he got out a long time ago, and just to keep from constantly being bothered, left the rumor in place and call forwarded from the control panel. That thar' Elvis guy was pretty good with electric guitars, I figure he helped Jesus out right quick and the two of them cooked this up.  The divine influence and the part of the grand scheme jingles don't hurt and keeps the moral up!

Don't your find it a bit of coincidence that the moment we start talking "Maple Syrup" and " Sticky BunBunnies" suddenly we are offered, at a reasonable cut of course, a whole slew of Maple Syrup, when all we were going to use was Water. There's nothing wrong with water, and besides, have you ever tried to regenerate a stilsuit with Maple Syrup, or who ever heard of Heavy Maple Syrup?

We can still help out those poor little waifs with little bitty pieces of clothes ( > ) with water, you know.... ;D

 

[GAP]

How much aluminum foil does this "Big Head" guy need for coverage anyway?

About the same amount as one of those thingys that go over the pointy end of a rifle in dirty conditions. Just allow for the non-stretching feature.

 

[George Wallace]

If the above is correct, how come Jesus was at the party after that big gay parade in TO the other day.  To hear the stories, he wasn't feeling any pain. So much for the jammed up control panel. I think he got out a long time ago, and just to keep from constantly being bothered, left the rumor in place and call forwarded from the control panel. That thar' Elvis guy was pretty good with electric guitars, I figure he helped Jesus out right quick and the two of them cooked this up.  The divine influence and the part of the grand scheme jingles don't hurt and keeps the moral up!

Don't your find it a bit of coincidence that the moment we start talking "Maple Syrup" and " Sticky BunBunnies" suddenly we are offered, at a reasonable cut of course, a whole slew of Maple Syrup, when all we were going to use was Water. There's nothing wrong with water, and besides, have you ever tried to regenerate a stilsuit with Maple Syrup, or who ever heard of Heavy Maple Syrup?

I think you may have mistaken him for his evil twin brother.  It couldn't have been him.  He would never get caught dead in those clothes.

As for Heavy Maple Syrup, it does exist.  It is found under the Codename of Maple Taffey.  Some early Scotsman is responsible for that discovery.  We won't get into details, as it is on a 'need to know' basis and I don't really want to know - too much information.

 

[GAP]

I think you may have mistaken him for his evil twin brother.  It couldn't have been him.  He would never get caught dead in those clothes.

Hey, he enjoys a good party !! After being stuck on Castillo with Elvis and all his funny clothes, probably wasn't such a big deal.

As for Heavy Maple Syrup, it does exist.  It is found under the Codename of Maple Taffy.  Some early Scotsman is responsible for that discovery.  We won't get into details, as it is on a 'need to know' basis

Do you know what that stuff does to a "Co-Generation Generator"? 

Guys, appreciate the suggestion of Maple Syrup and all, but we're going to have to go with water. The Maple Syrup thingy is a generational thing and we just don't have the resources and time to accomplish it.

So, Water it is.

 

[a_majoor]

Guys, appreciate the suggestion of Maple Syrup and all, but we're going to have to go with water. The Maple Syrup thingy is a generational thing and we just don't have the resources and time to accomplish it.

So, Water it is.

The plot gets thicker all the time. This is just a ploy to substitute less expensive corn syrup for high quality Canadian Maple Syrup! The Big Head has stockpiled maple syrup on Callisto (with Elvis and Jesus standing guard, maybe not the best of plans....), and once the Rocky Mountain Trench is filled with corn syrup it will be allowed to leak out and clog the Fraser and Columbia river basins. Once winter sets in, $300 billion dollars worth of the stuff will set like concrete, blocking the flow of water to the western part of Canada and allowing the dastardly Americans to become net EXPORTERS of water to us to relieve the drought.

Maple syrup, driven off the market by vast quantities of cheap corn syrup will become astonishingly expensive, allowing the Big Head and his cohorts in the Space Patrol to tow chunks of maple syrup from Callisto (and rumor has it there are stashes on other planets as well), aiming it to re enter the Earth's atmosphere above only the finest restaurants so the breakfast crowd will get a dollop of warm Callistian maple syrup delivered right to their pancakes, waffles and toast.

GAP, of course, already knows the rest of the plan (look into the red light, buddy......)

 

[zipperhead_cop]

Alright, not a big deal.  We simply task the wet sprimon to have an alternate role to maintain in reasonable quantities stasis chambers containing anti-syrup.  Then, when the gravity funnels get bogged or there is an unmanageable amount of earthside syrup reserve, we can get the water flow going again with an application of anti-syrup.  Plus, carbon fibre nets can be strengthened with a coating of maple syrup, as well as provide a better retention rate for the ice gathered within. 
Plus, with the energy released from the interaction of the syrup/anti-syrup, we can direct that towards melting the incoming space ice to help vaporize it prior to entering the atmosphere, thus rendering it a more manageable mass, not unlike a Sno-Cone tm.
Is it too soon to go public and sell shares for this?

 

[George Wallace]

Has anyone wondered if Vex Corps in the Alpha Verse is manipulating this?  Should we be actively recruiting Charlie Jade to do the leg work in exposing any attempts to steal the supplies we have now?  We could have someone sneaking in the 'back door' unnoticed tampering with our water defences.  Is Security onto this yet?

 

[Centurian1985]

Ack!  Still going?  :  Send this thread to the Delta Quadrant already... 

 

[GAP]

We simply task the wet sprimon to have an alternate role to maintain in reasonable quantities stasis chambers containing anti-syrup.  Then, when the gravity funnels get bogged or there is an unmanageable amount of earthside syrup reserve, we can get the water flow going again with an application of anti-syrup.  Plus, carbon fibre nets can be strengthened with a coating of maple syrup, as well as provide a better retention rate for the ice gathered within. 

Now there's a solution I can live with quite easily...although carbon fibre tends to go limp when generous amounts of Maple Syrup covers it....or was that Sticky Bunnies???  ;D

Plus, with the energy released from the interaction of the syrup/anti-syrup, we can direct that towards melting the incoming space ice to help vaporize it prior to entering the atmosphere, thus rendering it a more manageable mass, not unlike a Sno-Cone tm.

We would probably have to extend the side of the gravity funnels to avoid splashing local populace, but that could work. Increase our efficiency also, except for the periodic cleaning of the stilsuit regeneration and heavy water filtration systems.  Nice 

Is it too soon to go public and sell shares for this?

I would be happy to sell you some of "my" shares.

Has anyone wondered if Vex Corps in the Alpha Verse is manipulating this?

Not this time....we sent them scurrying after some imagined insurgents in the Twitch District about a month ago. Besides, they have an allergic reaction to Maple Syrup concentrate....hehe   >

Should we be actively recruiting Charlie Jade to do the leg work in exposing any attempts to steal the supplies we have now?

What ??? You think this is Amateur Hour????  The Space Patrol will handle their own security thank you....we just had some new recruits come in and will reassign them to covert operations once trained in the Moon Rock Imitation Course.

We could have someone sneaking in the 'back door' unnoticed tampering with our water defences.

What back door??....what water defenses? and Yes.... Security is onto this, I sent them a memo, so they will have it by Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest.

 

[Jack O.]

"Ack!  Still going?  Roll Eyes  Send this thread to the Delta Quadrant already...  "


Be careful, we all know who is waiting for us in the Delta Quadrant. ;D

 

[GAP]

"Ack!  Still going?   :  Send this thread to the Delta Quadrant already...   "

Of course, there is still much to be done. (such as redefining the internal combustion engine to use only 1 sparkplug), the infrastructure for the Columbia Water Basin (not much sense building all the storage and not using it), and don't forget, that, now that we have confirmed that water will be the primary resource with Maple Syrup as a supplement, there are great and wonderful things to come!

Be careful, we all know who is waiting for us in the Delta Quadrant. ;D

Well, it can't be Vex Corps from the Alpha Verse , they're in  the Twitch District, so no I don't know what's waiting for us.

 

[GAP]

As a sample, here is a nifty little fellow that is presently being build for small engine use.....In a couple of more years the space patrol will use nothing else while in atmosphere.