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Declining an offer (merged)

Primus

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Hey Buck, I ran into a very rare occurrence from what the recruiter told me.

My trade just opened for W TECH L on April 1st for 2018/2019.

I was called friday with an offer but it seemed informal. He basically said that he was just calling around to see if anyone could fill a spot on April 16 BMQ. He said it wasn’t a problem if I couldn’t take it so soon and I’d still be able to get an offer. They just wanted to see who would go to fill that spot.

I run a small business and haven’t winded it down in full, as I didn’t ever think I would get an offer with such a small window to enroll and get ready. 8-9 days.  I usually thought it was 30-60 days before hand but I understand spots can open.

Does that mean I was actually selected and I would’ve gotten a typical offer soon if I didnt get this random offer?

Does that still allow me to have hope that one is coming or was that my offer? I didn’t receive any email or anything about it.

An Int Op from another social media source seemed to have gotten the spot, so it didn’t seem like they were specifically looking for my trade. So was it more like anyone, from any trade from any CFRC awaiting an offer that could take it?

Sorry for the long winded reply. Thank you for your time, Buck.

 

da1root

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What happens in this case is that they will look at say the top 10% of each occupation and try to fill the last seats of an upcoming BMQ.  Keep in mind that as of today you could be in the top 10% but there are many people who are moving along in the process on a daily basis so by the next round you could be down to being in the top 15% or top 20% depending on how many others have completed their process and how many of them might be stronger applicants.

You didn't hurt your chances at getting in by declining the short notice BMQ; but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll get an offer at a later date.

I hope that I've explained it well, if not please let me know.
 

Primus

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Buck_HRA said:
What happens in this case is that they will look at say the top 10% of each occupation and try to fill the last seats of an upcoming BMQ.  Keep in mind that as of today you could be in the top 10% but there are many people who are moving along in the process on a daily basis so by the next round you could be down to being in the top 15% or top 20% depending on how many others have completed their process and how many of them might be stronger applicants.

You didn't hurt your chances at getting in by declining the short notice BMQ; but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll get an offer at a later date.

I hope that I've explained it well, if not please let me know.

That makes perfect sense.
Thank you very much, Buck.
 

JLee

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So.. long story short, I was forced to decline a job offer I really wanted because of my parents. And I'm turning 31 this year!

Also it is not like I am doing something completely different or taking a totally different course career-wise. As a medical lab tech, I have been working in the same trade for more than 5 years now so I have a good understanding what the job entails to. The offer I got was for med lab tech so no surprise there.

Joining the military has been my dream for more than 10 years since university. I tried hard to pass the standards and have been keeping myself fit and active. I knew there were some weaknesses to overcome and skills to improve. I did that.

About a year ago, I thought I was ready. I handed in my application, passed CFAT, medical and interview.. filled out all documents and stuff.. and finally, I got a call. And there came my parents...

My dad was not happy about my choice at first but said if it is something I really want, then go for it. My mom was a different story. She cried for 3 days in a row and said she would kill herself if she sees her son joining the military. She thinks I will get raped by other guys (I am a dude by the way), forced to lick boots of supervisors (not a big deal even if it is true..) and get killed or maimed in the end.
I said, no mom, that's not true. I showed her videos, talked about benefits, pensions, etc. Med lab tech trade does not require SQ so training itself is also not that intense compared to other combat trades. (If I can go back in time, I would probably join the infantry in a heartbeat though)
But she never listens.. and I kinda understand why she worries much. She came from South Korea and spent her early childhood right after Korean War.. she saw many people who got injured while on duty and how they were treated in the army. But we are in Canada and it is 21st century.. but she does not listen and does not want to understand...

Before the long weekend, I had to call the CFRC and decline the offer. With that, my 10 years worth of dream gone. I am now heartbroken and don't know what I am gonna do with my life.. I couldn't pursue my lifelong dream not because I wasn't good enough but just because... because of someone has too many fears and worries.

Thanks for reading and sorry about my rants..
Best wishes to you all!
 

mariomike

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JLee said:
She cried for 3 days in a row and said she would kill herself if she sees her son joining the military. She thinks I will get raped by other guys (I am a dude by the way), forced to lick boots of supervisors (not a big deal even if it is true..) and get killed or maimed in the end.)

You may find these discussions of interest,

lubi125 said:
I've started even question if my choice was good after all and that it may actually happen that I get "rapped" or "gang raped" whilst in the military.

lubi125 said:
My parents are super scared of me getting buttraped by other men so I'd seriously appreciate people's experience on the matter

etc...

Also ( in case you have not read it already ).

How to get family on board
https://army.ca/forums/threads/13678.0
20 pages.

JLee said:
I had to call the CFRC and decline the offer.

If you have second thoughts,

Declining an offer (merged) 
https://army.ca/forums/threads/104645.0
5 pages.
 

Jarnhamar

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JLee said:
So.. long story short, I was forced to decline a job offer I really wanted because of my parents. And I'm turning 31 this year!
Brutal.
 

Loachman

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You are thirty-one years old.

You no longer need your parents to make decisions for you.

They should not even attempt to do so.

You and they need to recognize that.

They need to respect your wishes.

They will adjust to your career choice, eventually.

Call the recruiting centre, and see if it's not too late.

Or live with the regret for the rest of your life.

The choice is yours.

Not your mother's.
 

RedcapCrusader

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Fascinating that someone who came to Canada, presumably to seek a better life, sees the Canadian Military in this fashion.

Lots of Canadians gave their lives during the Korean War.

 

Loachman

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Immigrants from different countries often have different views on many things, due to their culture, history, and, in many cases, painful personal experiences (or those of parents and other older family members).

Incorrect/inaccurate impressions are not easy to overcome.
 

mariomike

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JLee said:
She cried for 3 days in a row and said she would kill herself if she sees her son joining the military.

That is something your family may wish to discuss with a mental health professional.

JLee said:
I kinda understand why she worries much. She came from South Korea and spent her early childhood right after Korean War.

You and your family may find this discussion of interest,

Joining Canadian army as an Asian 
https://army.ca/forums/threads/99857.0
2 pages.

OP: "My dad served in Korean force for 3 years back in 80's, and he said it was one of the best times in his life."
 

tomahawk6

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What a waste of time yours,the recruiter and anyone else that pushed the paper so you would get an offer.Not to mention the background check.Not much of a dream was it ?
 

Kat Stevens

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Sack up and make a grownup decision. Your parents are being ridiculous, and your, and their, preoccupation with poopy rape is completely out of bounds.  This is not post war Korea, this is one of the most diverse and free countries on the entire planet. Time for mom and pop to stop being 1905s Koreans, and become 2010s Canadians.
 

RADOPSIGOPACCISOP

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I think the fact that the OP's mom (and maybe Dad) are Korean is a big factor here. Respect for parent's wishes (and elders in general) is a much bigger deal in Korean culture than in western culture.

As well, having worked with the Korean military, the treatment of their soldiers (especially conscripts) is quite severe by our standards. Career soldiers in Korea are looked down on more than in Canada. Being in the military is something you have to do for 21ish months, not something you want to do full time unless you have no options/education. That's changing of course, but the view still exists in Korean culture.
 

Pusser

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I'm not so sure you were forced to decline the offer.  You're an adult.  You chose to do so.  Your parents will get over you joining the military, especially when they see the benefits that come with it.  However, are you (or they) prepared for the resentment that you will feel (and which will only grow over time) for them holding you back?  Presumably, you have more of your life left than your parents do.  You need to live the life you want.

Food for thought: there are actually a number of immigrants from the former Yugoslavia in the Canadian Armed Forces today BECAUSE of their experiences growing up during the civil war and seeing what the Canadians did for them.  I met one in Bosnia a number of years ago.  She was Canadian Army officer working there as an interpreter.  Considering the sacrifices that Canadians made to secure the freedom of South Korea, you would think your parents would be proud that their son would want to join the Army that helped liberate them.

 

JLee

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Thanks very much for the thoughts everyone. I know how many Canadians died in the Korean War, and that was one of the reasons I wanted to serve in the military. I too feel terrible for those good people in RC who helped me a lot through the long application process. It may be true that I will regret my decision as long as I live but as much as I love Canada, I love and respect my parents as well. Who knows.. maybe one day my son or daughter will share the same dream that I once cherished so much and knock the same door that I have failed to go through. When that time comes, I promise I will be there with my child. I will be supportive and open-minded because I have felt the same warmth of fire that burns and keeps the heart beating. I will not leave my child heartbroken and live a life with emptiness inside.
 

Loachman

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JLee said:
I love and respect my parents as well.

That should work both ways.

How about a Reserve unit or Cadet Instructor Cadre as a compromise?
 

Pusser

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Loachman said:
How about a Reserve unit or Cadet Instructor Cadre as a compromise?

That's a very good idea.  It's much easier to control your own activities in the Reserve.  You can't be deployed without your permission (other than by Order in Council, which hasn't happened since WWII). 
 

RADOPSIGOPACCISOP

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Pusser said:
That's a very good idea.  It's much easier to control your own activities in the Reserve.  You can't be deployed without your permission (other than by Order in Council, which hasn't happened since WWII).


Reminds me of the futurama gag:
Fry: "So we can't be sent away?"
Recruiter: "Not unless a war were declared"
Fry(after signing): "What's that siren mean?"
Recruiter: "War were declared"
 

mariomike

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This caught my eye,

JLee said:
said she would kill herself if she sees her son joining the military.

Without knowing her, and not being a mental health professional, I would take any suicide threat seriously.

As others have pointed out, the decision to join is up to the OP.

Good luck.

 
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