Four things you dont want to hear...

[pegged]

It was our BMQ field ex and we were learning about blanks, safety with them, using the BFA properly, etc. The Sgt. came over to our gaggle formation and asked who wanted to fire blanks. 6-7 hands shot up, I was very reluctant, as we all know any time you're asked to do something fun, it's either cleaning or pushups. So picks 2 guys, and takes their rifles away. He comes back with BFA's on both rifles and 2 mags with 15 rounds each. The rest of us are all swearing at them, and such.

Time comes, we had thrown a few T-Flashes and stuff. The Sgt. says, "Hand me your rifles, you didn't actually think you'd get to fire blanks did you? Have fun cleaning your rifles on Sunday"

 

[combat_medic]

Some quotes I've actually heard:

From a medic Sgt teaching Anatomy and Physiology "How do you pronounce that word?"

On a live fire range...
troop: "Um, Sir, the numbers on the C6 barrels don't match up to the guns."
Sir: "That's alright, I'm sure they'll be just fine."
(I seem to recall someone pulling him aside later and explaining the concept of headspace and timing)

 

[aesop081]

My favorite ......here at CFANS anyways.......

"trust me , the test is multiple-choice"

 

[Bograt]

My father has reached that age where....... well lets just say fibre is a more important component of his diet.

At a recent medical he heard.

"Lt. Col XXXXX, please undo your pants and bend over."

 

[PeAcH]

"hurry up and wait" i hear it quite a bit

 

[foerestedwarrior]

A 2Lt- "dammit, just let me navigate, im sure i know how."

A RSO-(pistol range at 15m) "with a 8 round magazine reload, making sure the weapon is on safe, turn around and walk back to the 25m point." There was alot of screaming by the ARSO's for us not to move, and explaining to the RSO what he is doing. The last I heard, he isnt alowed to be an RSO anymore.

I was on a C7 range and this is what i heard, "make sure you rifles are pointed down range, directly, not on an angle across the range. Sir I mean you(talking to a CSM). SIR POINT YOUR RIFLE DOWN RANGE!"
the CSM- "Sgt. I have been in the army longer than you, I know what i am doing."
Sgt.-"Sir this is your last warning, keep control of your rifle or you are off MY range." no action by the CSM, Sgt. walks up and takes the rifle from the CSM clears it and kicks the CSM off the range.
Aftermath- the CSM tried to charge the Sgt. for inaproriate conduct, and assault(by forcefully taking the rifle). Oh and this CSM is an OPP officer.

 

[Danjanou]

I was on a C7 range and this is what i heard, "make sure you rifles are pointed down range, directly, not on an angle across the range. Sir I mean you(talking to a CSM). SIR POINT YOUR RIFLE DOWN RANGE!"
the CSM- "Sgt. I have been in the army longer than you, I know what i am doing."
Sgt.-"Sir this is your last warning, keep control of your rifle or you are off MY range." no action by the CSM, Sgt. walks up and takes the rifle from the CSM clears it and kicks the CSM off the range.
Aftermath- the CSM tried to charge the Sgt. for inaproriate conduct, and assault(by forcefully taking the rifle). Oh and this CSM is an OPP officer.

Good for that Sgt, as for the CSM, word fail me.

We try, oh Lord we try, but every now and then one slips through. : :'(

 

[aesop081]

When i was a combat engineer in 2 CER, i hate hearing the sqn OC say :

"Its friday troops, i'm gonna get you out of here early !!"

 

[dutchie]

"Last man to the front!"
"I believe you dropped your firing pin/BFA/etc because you lack upper body strength. Therefore, you will hold your weapon out like this (demonstrates straight arm) for X mins."
"It's only a short tab. I looked at the ground on the map."
"Don't bother with goretex socks, where we are going they won't do you any good."

 

[NavyGrunt]

When i was a combat engineer in 2 CER, i hate hearing the sqn OC say :

"Its friday troops, i'm gonna get you out of here early !!"

I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT ONE....I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

Not only will you never get out early that damn sentance means you will get out late. And its usually after you've spent 3 days fucking the dog between 2-3pm. You know damn well if you had done work between those hours you would get out early. Almost like-

"What do you guys say- if we work through lunch we will get out early". Then the same people everytime agree to it and you never do get out early....

 

[q_1966]

lol, ill add one, A reg force Cpl., and being assistant range staff, screaming at the top of his lungs and messing up the range safety decleration.

 

[bossi]

"I lost your promotion papers in an airport limousine."
(true story)

 

[aesop081]

How about this :

You are looking for information and ask your sgt,

he replies "It's on the DIN......look it up !"

I dont know about anybody else but i can never find anything on the DIN.

Why dont you just tell me that you have no idea what the answer to my question is !!

 

[Danjanou]

"Grab two of your buddies the RSM and CO want to see you. Leave your beret there, you won't need it"