How to get family on board

[kincanucks]

Being a Captain with the Recruiting system I would have hoped you would have been more constructive then "get a backbone".   :

Oh please. Perhaps we should have a group hug and then we can have tea and then we can pretend we are in the military.

 

[Kat Stevens]

That would be SUPER! Will there be those little finger sandwiches?  MMMMM.... watercress.....


CHIMO,  Kat

 

[nULL]

You're 27 years old...if 16 year olds still legally bound to and reliant upon their parents can do it...

My parents were (are) still against it, but to hell with them - you only get one life, and it's yours.

 

[Infanteer]

Oh please. Perhaps we should have a group hug and then we can have tea and then we can pretend we are in the military.

I'll have to ask my parents first....

 

[Britney Spears]

thanks to all who understood and made very helpful posts. i will be telling my parents soon and i will keep you posted on what happens.

if you have any more words of advice keep em comming.

Here's some more advice: Listen to Bruce and Ex-dragoon. Ignore all the other wankers who don't RTFQ and hope you don't run into kincanucks in recruiting. 

 

[Dale Turner]

Amber,
    Just a suggestion for telling your parents, sit them down, make sure there are no distractions for you or them and tell them from the beginning how you came to your decision and how committed to that decision you already are. You might be surprised. Once you put together a well thought out and researched "presentation" they may actually see your point of view and accept that their little girl is now grown up and going to do a grown ups job.

    Good luck and be true to yourself.

:warstory:

 

[28Medic]

Back to constructive ways to break-in your parents:

Sometimes a letter is a good way to initially present difficult topics without getting overly emotional in a face-to-face discussion.
Most people when first presented with unwelcome information will immediately shut down and will not hear or take in anything after the first few minutes. The letter can help set out your objectives and your reasoning with this decision. But you can also play up the affect that they have had on your making the decision, ie. how they raised you to seek challenges, to have a job that is worthwhile and productive, to live a healthy lifestyle, etc etc....
Show them how excited you are to include them in the process and that you want to make them proud of you by doing well.

I used the letter method to communicate with my parents a lot when I was in high school and university and it helped a lot.  But now in a more technological world...maybe a powerpoint presentation?
(Complete with websites and direct information from some of the recruiting sites).
Granted when I came home from my basic course and my Mom said, "Oh my son is home from the army", in a very sarcastic tone, it stung a bit, but hey I got over it.  And so did my parents!

No matter how old you get, your parents still play a role in your life...you just have to help them see that it is a slightly different role depending on your age and situation. 

So all the tough guys here talking about needing a group hug will have to secretly admit that they seek approval and support from somebody in their lives....and what a better and easier place to get that approval and love but from their Mother.

 

[Infanteer]

Fine, you want an answer - say "Hey Mom, Happy Mothers Day, I'm joining Army."   If you're 27, they can accept it or they can be stupid and you can ignore them.   I guess life is about making choices, some which don't end with all consequences in the plus column.

Kincanucks has a point, there are things one has to do where others can't hold your hand.

 

[canadianblue]

I've read the threads people have posted on similar situations but i was wondering if anyone has been through something close to what I will be going through.

I am a female, only child. I have very protective parents who have protected me all of my life. I am now 27 and have wanted to join the military for 10 years.

My first attempt at telling my parents I was "considering" joining the military went horribly bad as they acted like little children and were angry at me for hours. I dropped the subject and it has taken 2 years since then to get up the nerve to decide to tell them I am joining and they have no say in wether or not I do.

I want them to support me and it breaks my heart to think I might break theirs by doing something they don't want me to do. I see joining as an opportunity.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can tell them this news. I have all information on the process of enlisting to benefits, the opportunity of continuing education to printouts of the trades I am interested in, (which by the way are mainly support trades).

If any of the senior members of this board could even say a couple words of wisdom I can even print out the responses and show them.

Thanks very much.

Well I'm 18 in my second semester of high school and in the application process for the reserves, and hopefully either the infantry or military police. My father wasn't very supportive of my decision to get into the reserves one single bit.  Even as a little kid I always wanted to join the army, and I basically lived everything their was about the army, read books about the army, watched movies about the army, played army, everything. Finally when I was 17 and finishing up my last year of high school, I decided to make the plunge and apply to the army in the reserves, and perhaps the regular force later one. When my dad found out that I was in the application process he was mad to say the least. We had an argument one night, were he basically asked "why would you ever want to be a loser in life and join the CF". My response was, well if I ever get into the reg's and die on a mission, you can tell everybody about how much of a loser and dissapointment I was for joining the CF. After I told my dad  that I never heard a single complaint from him about what I have wanted to do. I think he finally realizes why I want to do that. I know that it was a bad response, but I think it got my point across.

For the most part, I think my parents are just worried about me getting killed at a younger age or getting hurt. It's natural, they even tried to talk my older brother out of firefighting because they were afraid he would die. But in the end its your life

 

[Pea]

I am in a similar situation as you. I have decided to join the reg force. My mom was not pleased at all when I told her I was planning to join. She tried to talk me out of it, by suggesting various other careers that she thought would be better for me. This was hard on me because I really want to join the CF, but I really love my mom and want her to be proud and supportive of everything I do. I know that the reason she was so upset about me joining is because she really cares about me and worries for me 24/7. I think part of her worries are because I am her oldest child, and the first to leave home. And of course, she was worried that I will die young ( I am 18 years old ) in some sort of combat.

I got all the information I could on the trade I had chosen, as well as all the training locations I will be at. Then I sat down with her and explained why I wanted to join the CF, and how it is the perfect choice of career for me. After hearing all the benefits of the CF, and after she saw how enthusiastic and determined I was to join she came around to the idea. She is still a little hesitant about it, but that is just because she loves me and worries. (But what mother doesn't!) My mom is now 100% supportive of it now that she has all the facts and knows that this career will truly make me happy.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if you really want it, then get all the info you can to help calm your parents nerves/worries/hesitations and then sit down and show them how bad you want it. Anything great in life takes effort and sacrifice to accomplish.

Good luck with your parents!!

 

[Infanteer]

Whatever happened to the Spartan mothers who would say to their children "Come home with your shield or on it"?

 

[Torlyn]

They've flipped sides, and are voting for government child-care now...

T

 

[Britney Spears]

Insert Quote
Whatever happened to the Spartan mothers who would say to their children "Come home with your shield or on it"?

Maybe they got tired of their sons turning into homosexual child molesters?

 

[Infanteer]

That was the Athenians....

 

[pronto]

Hmmm so THAT's what they mean by Greek Style...  Heh heh....

Do finger sandwiches go with greek salad, or are PMQs too spartan?  >

 

[Britney Spears]

No, Sparta was the city where it was <a href=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty#The_pederastic_Greek_city-states>formalized into law</a>. OTOH, in Sparta, they also had to be in love with each other first.

The Spartans required all their adult men to engage a boy in a pederastic relationship, a law given to them by their quasi-mythical founding legislator, Lycurgus, who fashioned the Spartan state into an idealistic community that lasted hundreds of years. However, unlike in Crete, in Sparta, Athens and most other Greek city-states the man first had to win the affection of the boy he sought.

 

[kincanucks]

Here's some more advice: Listen to Bruce and Ex-dragoon. Ignore all the other wankers who don't RTFQ and hope you don't run into kincanucks in recruiting.  

Ahhhh that is so sweet of you.  Thank you for respecting my feelings.

 

[pi-r-squared]

The writing the letter seems like a good idea.  It sort of is like breaking up via e-mail. ;D

 

[pronto]

The tea and greek salad is ready - Hug-time.... The new CF - we're ready to help!

>

 

[Infanteer]

No, Sparta was the city where it was <a href=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty#The_pederastic_Greek_city-states>formalized into law</a>. OTOH, in Sparta, they also had to be in love with each other first.

Can't take a joke, can you.

Ok, if you want to be serious:

Maybe they got tired of their sons turning into homosexual child molesters?

First off, I don't see what is wrong with being homosexual - funny that you the purported liberal would point that out as a shortcoming.   I believe it was the Thebans who had a complete unit made up of homosexual lovers that was purported to have been one of the most fierce in combat.

Second off, the mention of child molestation implies pedophilia - look at the link you provided; "and since the 1990's has been often confused with pedophilia.".   It may seem odd to us, but pederasty was a social institution in Ancient Greece - I'm unsure of what would drive men to pursue young males, but its clear that it involved many different concepts (social standing, education, manhood, etc, etc).

Was this exploitive?   I'm not sure, but within Greek society it was seen as rite of passage - then again, the Greeks were misogynist slave-owners as well, so what can we learn from them?

Anyways, this has nothing to do with the thrust of my original question - why is it that so many parents feel their child is wasting away in the service of their country?   Is their no honour and pride in watching a child dedicate themselves to a greater good?

Here's some more gay Greek for you:

"Wherefore I do not now pity the parents of the dead who stand here; I would rather comfort them. You know that your dead have passed away amid manifold vicissitudes; and that they may be deemed fortunate who have gained their utmost honor, whether an honorable death like theirs, or an honorable sorrow like yours, and whose share of happiness has been so ordered that the term of their happiness is likewise the term of their life. I know how hard it is to make you feel this, when the good fortune of others will too often remind you of the gladness which once lightened your hearts. And sorrow is felt at the want of those blessings, not which a man never knew, but which were a part of his life before they were taken from him. Some of you are of an age at which they may hope to have other children, and they ought to bear their sorrow better; not only will the children who may hereafter be born make them forget their own lost ones, but the city will be doubly a gainer."

Thucydides, Pericles' Funeral Oration