I'm general population and I've lost two very close people to suicide. First was my father, and it was obvious by method. Prior attempts were less obvious, a few wrecked cars, DUI; and other times threatening with a weapon, means. Stressors were illness (later stages of alcoholism); losses (in unmanageable financial debt; legal stressors; loss of ability to function in his occupation [due to DTs, and needing a steady hand). Unwilling to seek professional help, steadfast refusal to get help (addiction pollution of the mind). This was back at a time, not much community support, or awareness ('79).
Other one, stressors: terminal illness; full loss of ability to function in work due to illness; unmanageable financial debt, and relapse back into a serious addiction. It was an OD, after not using for a longer period of time; "do not ressussitate order" on his file. Statistically, it's recorded as 'accidental', but likely it was suicide, and/or wrecklessness under the influence. He also had his first meeting with a social worker, I thought things were going to be okay, but maybe he wasn't up for it. Was it a last hurrah, before getting serious about extended addiction treatment or tired from the strains of illness. He said things were okay after leaving my door, but 2 more days of the bender, he didn't survive.
I spent most of my life being hypervigilant re: risks of suicide, while with respect to not crowd others 24/7 (I've had to be watchful over my younger brother). I actually worked in a field among a high risk population (homeless youth), trained in Suicide Intervention and about 20-40 or so sucessful interventions, so others could survive through the crisis to another day, this over the course of 10 years. It was street patrol, meeting others where they were at, I'm haunted by some of those exposures, but I have a grip on my PTSD, and managing and at least understanding flashback when it's occuring (much better with it).
Statistically, my family members and myself are higher risk for suicide because of having it in the family, constitutes as a "prior attempt", increasing risk factor. Plus the PTSD and latent ptsd that developed through my family (and myself). Mom had it within months after my father's completed suicide, regularly suicidal, adrenalized, explosive, violent rage, etc. My younger brother and I survived amidst the continuing on-going crisis for years, but it was a time bomb and hit us in our adulthood. Children handling what ought to have been handled by mental health professionals, yet there was also a refusal to get help by my mom (despite Child Protection order-- she showed up once and quit, and it was never followed up on). This fried my physiology/brain, over-use of stress response, rapid unpredictability, continual life-threatening crisis.
I think when a suicide happens on base, it would be good to remain vigilant re: risks to others, important to build on health/resilience, self-care, maintaining some regular routine where possible and awreness of use of support services.
PTSD is a frustrating disability and for me, it resulted in loss of ability to function, not only for the employment I was in, but cognitive impairment, problems of concentration, not able to even read a paragraph, brain was bouncing everywhere. I'm recovering, live for the better days and I'm having more of those. I raised the bar for myself on what is "last resort" for me, and that is to call a crisis line, when it's really bad. And Ativan, if that doesn't do it. I'm financially poor, but I'm not in debt and I can live within my means. I don't have young children to look after, but I'm watchful for my younger brother, who moved in with me, after facing financial crisis. I'm fortunate we get along well, have a suvivor pact, and he is someone I have fought for all my life, to "not leave behind".
Bombardier Manning's death has triggered some grief for me as I imagine the turmoil his family can be facing
, but I am also comforted with knowledge that CF and mental health services have come a long way and that there's communities of support for them. I had of those 'labrynth dreams" last night, chasing after one of my lost ones, expression from my unconsciousness, the wish I could have save him, protected him, but different from the intensity of some of my ptsd nightmares, it didn't immoblize me today (not lost in time and space"). I have less panic about some of the older traumas, so I can understand with less overhwelment. I have very strong inner resources which has been important for my survival, because in my situation, I'm one of those who have fallen between the cracks of a social support system, two-tiered medical health care system re: ptsd treatment. It's been a slow slog, but easier for me when I left the ambivalence of suicidal impulses behind me (which do happpen when overwhelmed by flashback hell), to firmly committ to life, whatever it takes. I did access short-term help from a social worker, who could teach me flashback management, and just that bit of presense to what I was presenting which helped me better be able to recognize flashback when it is happening, dissociation. I understand it more from a physiological perspective, which I like, because symptoms can present in the body, before flashback and I've leart I don't need to feed into 'story line" which makes the suffering worse for me. Just a tip, not sure if they're using it in CF, but Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction is an awesome tool and practice to get to learn.
A few things of comfort I remind myself of: "Can't change the winds, but I can adjust the sails" (attitude to remember); "If you're going through hell, keep going" (Winston Churchill); "the best way out is always through" (Robert Frost?).
The luxury I do have today is that I'm safe, I'm not in a danger zone. A lot more is possible, having that. I expect full recovery, a manageable recovery, a change in occupation, yes. It was hard to let go, because my self identityy was very locked into my profession, too much of a service habit, it was completely new learning to learn self-care, the part of me that's not career. Changes are opportunities for new beginnings, if we're able get through the letting go process and open up to newer possibilities, dip the feet in newer directions.
I'm sensitive to the recent loss of Bombarier Manning and I thought I'd share a perspective from civillian life as I think there can be crossovers re: risk factors for sucidide/accidental death, civillian and non-civillian. We invest a lot into career, personally and financially, but it doesn't have to be the end-all, be-all, when changes are necessary (just have to focus on survival of it, till in a better space to re-build) , it's just hard to let go of service when theres a lot of personal investment in it. External pressures exist in both military and civillian spheres. As a civillian ptsd-sufferer, we can also face external attitudes of 'suck it up", 'get over it", and a whole barrage of sterotypes, pop psych, or accused of being 'whinny", but as I've experienced PTSD for some years, I'm more convinced of it's physiological manifestation, flashbacks proceed formalized thought (it's fragments from experience, recall that is stuck in the hippocampus region of the brain, not processed by the neo-cortex/frontal lobe) not yet thought, just a trigger, but they can grip and not let go and wrose and more stress fighting it, getting angry at it, ashamed of it. They carry emotional content, grief, stuff that was stuffed back through the survival mode through a situation, context, dissociated memory. It's a brain injury, though less visibly obvious vs. ABI/TBI physical impact.
There are times, I probably should have gone to the hospital, but as a person who is service-oriented and with some caregiving responsibilities (ill brother-- I'm 'big sister"
), put it ,not convenient to get help, the condition and the fatigue worsened. Dutiful, had to stay strong for others, sense of responsibility, etc. I'm not comofrtable with my community knowing I need to go to the hospital. I suffer intense shame if my ptsd leaks in front of others, self-directed anger. I carried a strong pride in being reliable, holding it together for others. I contain by writing, but not showing it in presense of others, unless if I got to a support group, hard to find re: civillian resources, no private insurance. There is a skilled crisis line, that can handle ptsd. I don't feel like a burden because I know they get crisis de-briefing.,so it's guilt-free for me and safe-- not going to get pop psych, or 'suck it up", 'get over it" which is misunderstanding, it's the symptoms that are more problematic, I can't move, get things done, brain is stuck. If I described contents of flashback, it's disturbing stuff, others discomfort , natural defense mechanism of others is denial (from fear, caught up in their own 'storylines", and 'myths" about things). It also allows containment from a work environment or environment for which I carry duties and responsibilities.
There are newer technologies (MEG) for detecting PTSD damage on the brain, I don't know if the military would consider using it (i.e., on a voluntary basis) to help in assessing risk For depression, it can be possible to re-focus, distract; for PTSD symptoms, there's some other issues, though ptsd and depression, anxiety also tend to co-exist, so there are different "first aid" coping strategies for each state and stage, and individually discovering what works best, and re-adjusting them as needed. PTSD intrusions have caused me to experience sucidal thoughts, a way to block it, numb it, try to get 'it' to stop, make it go away. Ill like this on a regular basis, I would not be able to function in a frontlines CF capacity, higher responsibility, where freezing/stuck is not affordable.
Mental illness is a hard loss, related losses re: career, financial, personal pride/shame, etc. which can be really hard for civillians and non-civillians, alike, but maybe less privacy in the military context because working and living with others context, e.g. if happens in the context of the barracks? I hide it from those I live with, by finding a quite space, write, use crisis line and others respecting my need for privacy, alone time.
Anyway, this is just meant to share a perspective from an anonymous person who experiences it, witnessed it, and it's affects among family members. It's not meant to be 'about me", but some aspects of risk factors, stressors, interplay of suicidal person (hidden conditions) and environment with emphasis on ptsd symtomology. PTSD, depression, anxiety disorders, addictions are also risk factors among military service people: exposure to loses; fried physiology/combat fatigue, risks of burnout; being in positions of high responsiblity for protection of life and defending oneself, an interrdependent team. I imagine it would be very hard, things can change rapidly in a matter of split seconds, it's human to lose a second or two, an error in a split second judgement, or someone else's error, and accountability an change in the wind, no chance to the sail, but it can also be fatal and that's high stress to carry :/ especially when unreasonable with oneself, unforgiving. We ask a lot of human beings, those called to service for our country. My deepest respect to all.