What's the dumbest thing you heard said today?

[Braver.Stronger.Smarter.]

Not today, but fairly recently...

Teacher: I'm 44, but my real age is 11, I was born on a Leap Year.

Student: So, when's your birthday?  :

There wasn't a whole lot of work accomplished in class after that...

 

[mssdonna]

From a co-worker just moved to Alberta

"I plugged my car in last night but it was still cold when I got into it this morning...."

 

[Sub_Guy]

Me, very early this morning drinking some V8 Fusion, while I was drinking I was holding the bottle and reading the ingredients.

For a brief second I could of swore I read "Magic Acid" but then I thought "Why the hell would there be magic acid in this juice?"

Then I clued in, Malic Acid...

It was very early.

 

[Panzer Grenadier]

"Halt! Advance one to be reckoned with!"

 

[OldSolduer]

"Halt! Advance one to be reckoned with!"

This happened about 33 years ago:

One of our fellow candidates drank too much rum on ex. He was inebriated for the first time in his life.
We were stood to at early dark buffalo, and he was being an a$$. Our Sect Comd asked "are you loaded?", meaning drunk.

Our mate replied....drum roll here please....

"Yes MCpl I have a full mag on and one up the spout!"

 

[CountDC]

This happened about 33 years ago:

One of our fellow candidates drank too much rum on ex. He was inebriated for the first time in his life.
We were stood to at early dark buffalo, and he was being an a$$. Our Sect Comd asked "are you loaded?", meaning drunk.

Our mate replied....drum roll here please....

"Yes MCpl I have a full mag on and one up the spout!"

LOL!!  Sounds like a guy I went through basic with (although he did his best stuff sober).  Every course should have one.

example:  return from range (statements already given, march from range to weapon lock up).  Standing formed up waiting to secure.

Ummm - MCpl.

Yes candidate.

Should I empty my rifle now. ( for some reason there became an instant void around him and nobody took flak for breaking ranks )

 

[Sigs Pig]

Me:  "Excuse me....what time does the gym close tonight??"

Front Desk Guy:  "We close at 6pm."

Me:  "But the sign says 9pm??"

Front Desk Guy:  "Oh....yeah.  Ummmmmmmmm, I guess we close at 9pm."   

??? You knew what the sign said, but had to ask?  ???

BTW this is MY first enter for the day.... I am sure there are more to come.  >

ME
ME

 

[Old Sweat]

I was watching the documentary Who Fired the First Shot at Pearl Harbor on History.ca yesterday evening. A couple of times the narrator said that only if the word that the USS Ward had sunk a Japanese submarine just outside the entrance to the harbour had been passed on in a timely manner, the US Navy would have had time to evacuate the crews from their ships before the Japanese aircraft arrived.

 

[geo]

.... evacuate the ships ???

Dunno - would have thought that the US would've manned the guns & goten their fighters off the ground.... and gotten a fighting chance

 

[CBH99]

About the gym closing at 9pm instead of 6pm....shush!!  (Didn't realize how stupid that was until now...lol)

HOLIDAY HOURS - the posted gym times weren't being followed....thats my excuse anyhow, and I'm sticking with it.

 

[Sigs Pig]

I just heard the old news that Facebook is banning 'explicit' breastfeeding pics. The same radio announcer trying to justify how natural the act is and how breastfeeding has been going on for thousands of years wondering who does Facebook think they are to deny this.

My thought was that to produce the baby required an act that is also natural and has been going on for thousands of years... >

ME

 

[Colin Parkinson]

Asked a Malay what Malaysians thought of Palestinians and he answered: "They are our Muslim brothers" meaning that they can't be wrong and thinking they might be wrong would wrong, therefore the answer is correct in his eyes.

I was polite enough not to roll my eyes

 

[BinRat55]

I just heard the old news that Facebook is banning 'explicit' breastfeeding pics. The same radio announcer trying to justify how natural the act is and how breastfeeding has been going on for thousands of years wondering who does Facebook think they are to deny this.

My thought was that to produce the baby required an act that is also natural and has been going on for thousands of years... >

ME

Heeeeeyyyyy.....?????.....Yeahhhhhh.... Now THAT makes sense!!

 

[shanesgirl]

O.k, this wasnt said today but I did say this  to my husband ( he would be so proud of me posting this ) who then turned and stared at me for quite some time, it was the summer and there was a water restriction for lawns, well anyway  the news was informing homeowners on how much water could be used to water lawns.  I remember hearing something about a full frisbee being the appropriate amount of water to be used and i said "how is that supposed to water your WHOLE lawn? wouldnt you need more one frisbee full? and how are you supposed to disperse it?"  needless to say I havent been able to live it down since.

 

[dale622]

While I was in the drivethrough ordering my coffee this morning I couldn't belive my ears when I was asked "Is this to stay or to go".

I don't think she saw the humor when I said "to stay"

 

[Danjanou]

Not said but read


Message to all staff:

All ********** staff are directed to report for work as usual today.
This direction includes staff that work at facilities affected by the power outage.
Staff will be directed by their supervisors and managers on the need to be at the work location during the day.

Makes sense except it was sent to us on our closed access work email system that can only be used/read from work.

Mind it is early here today and I'm sure they'll top that

 

[Bzzliteyr]

That's like the old trick of doing roll call and stopping to say "anyone that is NOT here, please raise your hand".  I always find that a nice ice breaker before a presentation.

 

[Dissident]

Zero this is one tree alpha, you are broken and distracted, over
  Zero, say again over 

 

[stealthylizard]

I have to pay $19 for a lost BFA?

 

[twistidnick]

Unnamed Sh*tpmp walks in to the room and picks up an 1187 shotgun
Unnamed Pte.. "hey man you didn't do your safety procautions on that shot gun, what if there was a f***ing  live round in it?'
Unnamed Sh*tpump " I don't f***ing care if its loaded or not -f*** off

This is a true story i wish it wasn't i would like to think us Gun Plumbers hold ourselves to higher standard when it come to anything to do with weapons. but i guess some people are just dumb